01x12 - Episode #1.12

I thought your story was beautiful.

Like I'm hearing your most private, most intimate thoughts.

This wonderful hidden life you have access to.

I'm completely jealous.

Thanks.

For reading it.

What will you do with it?

Don't know.

You should submit it to the magazine.

They liked the last one. I don't know.

Don't know if it's good enough.

Ah, you're just fishing now.

It's brilliant.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday dear Marianne ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Right, make a wish.

This looks so yummy. I can't believe you made this.

It's a perfect essay distraction.

It's very sweet. Totally unnecessary.

Shut your face. You have to have a cake.

Did you get good presents, Marianne?

Lovely presents. Thank you, Niall.

And what did you get her, Connell?

Uh, a book.

Some Frank O'Hara poems.

Anyway...

I love it.

And what about your family? They get you anything nice?

A sports car or a pony?

What are you implying?

Well, I'm just going off my own birthday list.

Mm, they don't really go in for birthdays.

Oh, fair enough.

Mm, this cake's f*ckin' delicious.

Birthday message?

Yeah.

My mother.

Not exactly "happy birthday".

What does it say?

"Send me back the keys to the Dublin flat as soon as possible".

So...

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

I'm okay.

Did you like that?

Yeah.

Very much.

Good.

... could be described as bureaucratic inertia.

Who? Connell?

Yeah, all right, well, you're getting better.

What do you fancy doing tonight?

Watch a film. Sounds good.

Oh, I might go for a swim. Another one.

But I, I could pick up some food and come to you after.

Great.

Did we get married and become 50-years-old without noticing?

Maybe.

I actually love it.

Do you think our first-year selves would hate what we've become?

I should have known, to be fair.

I think first-year me would have been amazed.

"Look at her, she's actually content".

Wow.

You all right? Mm-hmm, yeah.

I just got this email. From who?

Connell, from who?

It's, uh... it's, it's from this university in New York.

They're offering me a place in their MFA creative writing program.

Oh.

I didn't even know you'd applied.

I mean, congratulations. I'm, I'm not surprised they've offered you a place.

I'm just a bit surprised you didn't mention it.

Well, it was such a long shot.

I, um, I-I was embarrassed.

To be honest, I, uh...

I still look up to you a lot, and I, uh...

I wouldn't want you to see me, I don't know what, deluded, or...

Connell. And I, I don't even know why I applied. It wasn't even my idea.

Whose idea was it? Uh, one... one of my tutors.

It's really brilliant, Connell.

You can see me in New York, can you?

Yeah, actually.

I can. I can't even...

It's making me feel...

Now is not the time for me to go halfway across the world and live in a city where I don't know anyone.

Like...

I could barely walk down the street in Dublin a couple of months ago without having a panic attack.

How's that gonna work in New York?

Put it away for a bit.

It, it's brilliant they offered you a place.

Don't think about what to do with it for now.

I'm not going.

Okay.

And of course, we have to thank Connell.

For stepping up and turning out to be the most naturally f*cking gifted editor of all times.

Leading me to announce that our latest brilliant issue launches tomorrow, and we could not be prouder.

And I made punch, and it's f*cking delicious.

And it's f*cking lethal. Drink up!

Marianne.

Yeah? Can I ask you something?

Mm-hmm.

Christmas.

What about it?

Would you like to come to ours?

I don't know, Connell.

That's kind. Lorraine would love to have you.

You don't know that.

What? I think I do know that.

It's her idea.

That's kind of her. Mm-hmm.

So?

So...

♪ You're all I want ♪

Stop. Oh, Connell.

Yeah? It's not funny.

♪ All I want ♪

♪ My whole life through ♪

♪ Each day is just ♪

♪ Like Christmas ♪

♪ Anytime that I'm ♪

♪ With you ♪ There they are. Aw, look at the two of you.

A little Christmas miracle.

Been cooking for weeks. Get in here.

Hi. Hello, sweetheart.

Oh.

Thanks for having me.

Where should I put these, where? I'll take them off ya.

Editor. Well, that's impressive.

No, well, I'm just really doing it as a favor.

I'm sure people edit newspapers as a favor.

He's doing brilliantly.

It's a literary magazine. It's absolutely not a newspaper.

Am I, am I involved in politics?

What?

Why is that funny?

Am I Dobby?

Do I like me? Oh, no.

No...

You all right?

Yeah.

Is it too much? No.

It's so nice.

Proper Christmas.

It's lovely.


Well, you have to do something.

What are your school friends up to?

Brennan's, like every year.

I'm just not sure I could see a New Year's in a Brennan's.

Hello, Denise. Happy New Year.

What do people in town think of her?

I suppose...

I suppose she'd be considered a bit odd.

Oh.

Your cheeks are red.

It's cold.

Will you come tonight?

You should.

Far be it from me to disobey an order.

All right, hey, hey, you!

How's it going, Gary? Good to see you.

Good to see you, too. Happy New Year to you.

Hey! Hey!

So nice to see you.

You look amazing. So do you.

You look gorgeous.

Marianne, how are you getting on?

Happy New Year, how are you?

Good to see ya. Good, good. Get you a drink?

Yes, please. Would you like one? No, no, no.

See you in a second. One second.

Marianne Sheridan. Hi.

I love you.

I love you, too.

You all right?

Yeah, I am.

Just never felt like home.

Didn't feel right to be here to be honest.

What?

I've been thinking about New York.

The offer.

What about it?

I don't know, I just...

I keep imagining you being there.

Writing.

Right.

You've been thinking about it. Yeah.

Yeah. A bit.

Like, obviously, I... I've thought about it a bit, but that doesn't mean that...

Uh... it just feels too hard.

Everything recently has been hard or it's been an effort and maybe this year just needs to be straightforward, you know?

There's been a lot of stuff that's been difficult.

And painful.

And this would be difficult and amazing.

Potentially, yes. It's New York.

It's writing.

It'd be f*cking amazing, Connell.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe.

Would you come with me?

We could be there together, and, and you could study or work, and...

Why?

I want to stay here.

I want to live the life I'm living.

It's quite a thing.

And I'm getting better at it.

Yeah.

I'd miss you too much.

I'd be sick.

At first.

But it would get better.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

Yeah, and it's only a year, and then I'll be back.

Don't promise that.

You don't know... where either of us will be.

Or what will happen.

I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.

No.

That's true.

I mean, you'd be somewhere else entirely.

You'd be a different person.

And me, too.

But we have done so much good for one another.

You know I love you.

And I'm never gonna feel the same way for anyone else.

I know.

I'll go.

And I'll stay.

And we'll be okay.