01x17 - Witches' Flu

[bunniefuu]

There's something you should know in case I go missing.

The principal isn't just any witch. The principal is a chosen one.

What... I thought Emma was the chosen one.

She is. It's complicated.

At first, I thought the principal was just a disgraced witch that had managed to steal her powers back little by little, but she's much more than that.

But then they should be sending extra guardians, not taking her only one away.

(Door knob rattling)

Nurse Lily, are you in there?

I can hear you.

Open the door.

Hello, Lily.

Going somewhere?

Leaving us so soon?

And without giving two weeks' notice.

Not very professional of you as a nurse or a guardian.

So you know.

Yes.

And my son tells me you went to see the council.

I did, and I told them who you are.

Oh, and let me guess.

The council told you to stay away.

They're wrong.

It's the rules.

There can be only one chosen one, hence the name chosen one.

It's not you.

Maddie van pelt has my powers, and I will get them back.

I'll stop you. I...

Oh, is that right?

You and your army of flies?

(Laughs)

What?

I don't get it.

Get it now?

(Laughs)

A little amphibian humor.

Julio loves it, laughs for days.

You're gonna love your new home.

I believe you've already met Mrs. pitch.

(Tense music)

♪

(upbeat pop music)

♪ I cast a spell ♪
♪ it takes a hold of you ♪
♪ I see my dreams ♪
♪ and they're all coming true ♪
♪ come on, let's go ♪
♪ you and me together ♪
♪ look up ahead ♪
♪ there's a magical adventure ♪
♪ Every Witch Way, ay, ay, ay, ay ♪
♪ I'm trying Every Witch Way, ay, ay, ay, ay ♪
♪ I'm going Every Witch Way, ay, ay, ay, ay ♪
♪ Every Witch Way ♪

Man, puberty is hitting you hard.

Oh, come on. It can't be that bad.

Say something. Show him.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Better yet, sing something.

Oh, yeah.

(In high-pitched voice)

♪ figaro, figaro, figaro ♪

(laughs)

Hi, guys.

Hey, Tony, what's up?

I know I don't have the manliest voice, but come on.

No, I'm not imitating you.

I don't sound like that.

Actually, you do sort of sound like that.

He does not.

I do not!

Tony, I can't...

(In normal voice) Stop talking like this.

Huh?

My voice.

It's back!

(Both groan)

It was just starting to get fun.

So you were making fun of me.

(Sneezes)

This can't be good.

(Sneezes)

Oh, great.

More plants.

Emma, I need... What the...

What's going on here?

I have a...

(Sneezes)

Cold.

And this is what happens?

Not just this.

I sneezed out some jelly beans at school.

Has your dad seen any of this?

No.

I probably need to get rid of the jungle theme before he comes in.

Otherwise, I'm in big trouble.

Oh, you're already in big trouble, girl.

What now?

You're not the only chosen one.

The principal is one too, and she wants to steal your powers, and she'll do anything to get them.

The principal what?

You heard me, sister.

She's coming after you.

Is that all?

Oh, and Lily's a frog.

(Sighs)

So what do the books say?

Oh, all kinds of good stuff.

It turns out that powerless witches aren't so powerless after all.

Okay.

This seems to be more about you and not me, so I'm no longer interested.

Maddie, I am a guardian "sworn to defend the magic realm and care for other witches."

Like I said, about me: Awesome.

About you: Nap time.

But this is about you.

I am your guardian.

Oh, I finally found my purpose in life.

Then as my guardian, you better find a way to make me the chosen one.

Can you look through the hex?

There must be a cure for this.

Uh, yeah. Sure.

I'll be right back with the hex.

In the meantime, you should take some cold medicine.

What's going on?

Did you lose the hex?

No.

I just put it in a super-secret hiding place.

Where is that?

Under Lily's desk.

Andi!

(Scoffs)

I was escaping a frog-loving, evil witch principal lady.

I know. I know.

And I appreciate everything you've done.

I'll get it back, I promise.

The principal turned Lily into a frog.

What's she gonna do to me?

(Sneezes)

The school dance, the little dance on the prairie, will be held next week in the school auditorium.

It's the same night as the eclipse, so bring your sunglasses.

Actually, you don't need sunglasses to see the lunar eclipse.

So, Tony, who will you be taking?

Uh, I'll be taking...

Emma.

Emma?

I thought Daniel was taking Emma.

Has Tony meyers taken Daniel's place in Emma and Daniel's romance?

Log on to iridiumhigh.Com to take the poll.

(Soft knocking at window)

You don't use doors anymore?

Well, I wanted to be sure your dad wasn't home.

I don't think he likes me.

He's at an afterschool meeting.

Oh, good.

Well, I heard you were sick, so I brought you some chicken soup.

Thank you.

That's so nice of you.

Is it okay if I come in?

Sure.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

You go back to the couch while I take care of you.

Okay.

Pots are in there.

(Sneezes) Gesundheit.

It'll be ready in a minute.

First off, the theme of the party can't be Western.

Cowboy hats make my head look big.

All hats make your head look big.

(Sighs)

Like I was saying, we need a new theme and the hippogon back.

We'll get the book back.

Maddie, the principal wants to see you.

What are you, her assistant?

You could say that.

Yeah, I'm assistant principal.

Get to class.

Soph, school's out.

Ooh, I like how powerful that made me feel.

Enjoy it. It won't last.

Go get Sophie before she spends the night in the chemistry class...

Again.

This is the best soup in town.

As my mom says, it'll shake the ugly right out of you.

Not that I think you're ugly.

Um, I was just repeating what my mom...

I think you're beautiful, not ugly.

It was just a saying.

(Sneezes)

Oh, no.

Yes, you are.

What, you don't think so?

No. I mean, yes.

I mean, no, I don't think I'm ugly, but I don't go around telling people I'm beautiful either.

Really, I'm just average, which is perfectly fine with me.

Could you make me some tea?

Uh, sure.

What kind of tea do you like?

Uh, hair ball... I mean herbal.

Okay.

Making tea, making tea.

Can't be that hard, right?

How many tea bags you want?

Three, four, five?

Yeah, great.

Uh, hi, Mr. Alonzo.

What are you doing here?

Uh, I live here.

Are those my clothes?

What is that in your face?

If this about the book again, I already told you I don't have it.

This isn't about that.

You've been withholding information from me, and as your guardian...

My guardian?

Are you sure about that?

Because my mom says she's my guardian.

(Laughs) Your mother?

Oh, powerless witches.

They make great pets.

What?

Nothing.

She's not your guardian. I am. And as your guardian, you should've told me that you are the chosen one.

Wait. What?

You didn't know that you're the chosen one, future leader of all witches and soon-to-be obliterator of humankind?

Blita-what?

And no.

My mom said we're looking for the chosen one so we could steal her powers during the eclipse and...

(Gasps) O.M.P.

She tricked me so she could steal my powers.

Makes sense.

Powerless witches are always jealous of real ones.

She does seem jealous of me and my powers, as jealous as all the other girls in school are of my beauty, popularity, and intelligence-ry.

So that's why she wanted the ha-rosanna-we-ro-San?

Y-yes.

During the eclipse, she reads a few lines from it to steal your powers.

That's why I need to get it back: To keep it safe and out of your mother's clammy little claws.

Well, good luck with that.

Emma and her little mini onion, Andi, stole it from me.

Mini onion?

Yeah.

Someone who always does what someone else tells them to?

Well, anyway, that's why I need you to get it back for me.

(Sighs)

If dressing like me is your idea of a joke...

No, I didn't.

I don't know how this happened.

And what about the caterpillar in your face?

(Whimpers)

Dad!

Ah!

Daniel... Daniel...

I... I... I've got to go.

Oh, are you okay?

I'm fine.

(Sighs)

You need to stay away from Daniel.

Dad, he wasn't making fun of you.

It was my fault.

I mean it, Emma.

No more Daniel Miller.

I thought your mom said that she was your guardian.

Yeah, well, she says a lot of things that aren't true, like, "plaid doesn't look good on you.

"You're not the chosen one.

Broccoli is a dessert."

I don't know, Maddie.

It seems almost too convenient.

I'll tell you what was really convenient: Her forgetting to train me like she was supposed to.

You should talk to her anyways.

No, I'm the chosen one, and I get to decide what to do.

Now help me.

The principal said to have that, uh...

That... that boy with me.

Diego?

Yes.

Panthers.

Hi...

Diego.

Hi, Diego.

Have you seen this?

(Snaps fingers)

The school dance?

Yeah. What about it?

Maddie doesn't have a date.

Wink, wink.

I told you. I'm not good at winking.

So?

So... good luck finding a date.

Something strange is going on, and you're the only ones I can count on to help me figure out what.

Is that going to happen to me?

Eh, probably.

It might be temporary amnesia.

Or a Jekyll and Hyde kind of deal.

No. I told you, it wasn't me.

So you think it was Emma.

No.

I mean, I know there's a lot of strange things that happen when she's there, but she's so good and kind.

It's like there's something around her and me that's messing with us.

Sounds like you've got a case of the maddies.

What?

Isn't it obvious?

Maddie hates that you and Emma are all...

So she's trying to break you guys up by making you think Emma is doing all these things to you.

That does sound like something Maddie would do.

Still, even if that's the case, I need to figure out how Maddie's making all these things happen.

You don't have to.

That's what we're here for.

Thanks, guys.

You know our fee, right?

(Sighs)

Ugh.

Diego.

Hi, Diego.

You and I never finished our conversation yesterday.

About?

The dance, duh.

You were about to ask someone to go with you.

I was?

Who?

Me, and I'm waiting.

You want to go to the dance with me?

(Panthers gasp)

How unexpected! I'm so flattered.

And my answer is yes.

Wonderful. We're done here.

Wait.

I'm not going to the dance with you.

Oh, if it's because of Daniel, don't worry.

He's not gonna ask me...

No, it's because of you.

You're a witch, and I have to stay away from you.

Did he just... (Laughs)

T3, are you ready?

Ready?

(All groaning)

Great going, Mel.

Way to blend in.

It's hard being the one on top.

I have to stand totally straight but then arch my head to the side without hitting you guys.

Okay, shh. Now everyone's looking at us.

The trick is to act like you belong.

Follow me.

Whatever.

Hey, how you doin'?

This is silly!

What are we doing?

We're spying on Emma.

That's why we skipped a class, isn't it?

We didn't skip. It was teacher planning day.

Now this only became half as fun.

And would you like to go home?

Nah, spying is always way better than watching TV.

I brought my phone so we can do both.

Nice. Come on.

Hey, Katie. Hey, Sophie.

Hey, da... Oh, my panther.

What is that?

Squirrel!

(Screaming)

And it jumped right on his face, almost like it had taken over his face and become a part of it.

And then what did you do?

I b*at it away with my purse.

Good thing I had my rock collection in it.

That squirrel didn't stand a chance.

Poor Daniel.

I should go look for him and take the unibrow off.

Yeah, I mean, it was funny for a while, but now it's just sad.

(Laughs)

You know what you should do?

You should leave it and then add, like, a large nose and then maybe make his forehead huge.

(Laughs)

What? Weren't we piling it on?

I need to undo it.

Wait.

What I meant was, with your powers being all wacked, you might make him look like a werewolf, which would be totally...

Cool.

I think I can manage a tiny spell.

I'm feeling a lot better.

Okay, but whatever you do, don't think of a forehead full of zits.

Or a giant humpback.

I won't.

(Gasps) Ooh, there's Daniel.

Uh, Maddie, there's something you should know about Daniel's face.

Hey, Daniel. Guess who's gonna...

(Screaming)

What is it?

What's with the...

I'm still me.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

Squirrel!

No, no.

Ah! Ah!

Stop, stop.

You've suffered enough, I think.

So now let's make your eyebrows shrink.

Are they that bad?

Actually, they look fine to me.

See? No squirrel.

Now let's go.

Oh, no.

At least I got Daniel right.

Cool, a hoedown.

I can finally break out all my sweet cowboy gear.

Hey, do you think Emma would want to go with me?

No!

Oh, okay.

Wait, no. Wait.

I mean, look, it's the same night as the eclipse, so I think she'll be otherwise occupied.

I see.

Why would they schedule a dance the same night as the eclipse?

This can't be a coincidence.

Tell Emma I have my own spurs and a ten-gallon hat.

No...

Hey, wait up. Hey.

Uh, notice anything different?

Hmm.

No.

What?

Just kidding.

Your eyebrows are back to normal.

Yeah. Wait, wait, wait.

Um, there's this dance next week.

It's a cowboy thing.

It's kind of silly, but I'm singing at it this year, and I wanted to know if, well, you would go with me?

I'd love to. When is it?

It's next Friday.

Friday?

There's an eclipse that night.

Yeah, it'll be really cool.

We can watch it together.

I can't. I'm sorry.

Why?

Um...

Is it because of Maddie and how she'll try to make our lives miserable if we go together?

Yes, that's exactly why.

Well, I don't care about that.

Besides, we can weather the Maddie storm together.

I still can't. I'm sorry.

So did you find out anything about the dance being the same night as the eclipse and everything?

Uh, no, not yet.

But it did make me realize how we really need to get back on track with preparing for it.

Oh, well, I can help you with that.

I've been line dancing since I was seven.

What? Not the dance, the eclipse.

Oh, yeah, right.

Is that Emma's magic book, the hexoren?

Yes, and shh!

Shouldn't you keep it out of school because of you know who?

It's safest to be near me at all times.

I also need the book to help Emma prepare to do battle the night of the eclipse.

All those witches fighting to steal her powers, it could get ugly.

I thought preparing Emma for battle was Lily's job, since she's Emma's guardian.

Yeah, Lily's gone now.

From here on out, it's just us.

Wait, where are you... Together: I can't believe what I just heard.