01x06 - Goblin Slayer in the Water Town

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Goblin Slayer". Aired: October 2018 to present.*
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A famous goblin hunter goes on a quest to save the land from ravaging goblins.
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01x06 - Goblin Slayer in the Water Town

Post by bunniefuu »

[laughter]

[FEMALE HERO] Just what do you think you’re doing?

Yeah.

I’ve been saving that line for a special occasion.

Whatd’you think?

I think a surprise att*ck is more effective if it’s actually a surprise.

Announcing your presence can be helpful, though.

In this case, it drew their attention away from the c*ptive.

How did you know the location of our secret meeting place?

I had a hunch.

Ugh!

We know about the evil plans you and your sect have concocted.

Don’t even think about trying to escape.

This ends now!

Wait!

That holy sword!

No!

It can’t be!

The Hero has arrived!

[MAN] And just like that, it was over.

The Hero appeared out of nowhere and defeated the Demon Lord’s minions with her unbeatable holy sword!

[FEMALE DRUID] Isn't it incredible?

Apparently, the Hero's a girl!

-She must be quite a warrior!

-[MAn] No fair!

I wanna go on an adventure with the Hero!

-You wouldn’t last two seconds.

-What?

[SPEARMAN] Well, she’s obviously not good enough to take down all of them on her own.

Or else the rest of us would be out of a job.

[SPEARMAN gulps]

[WITCH] Is somebody feeling a little threatened?

Oh-- Orcbolg!

The Hero’s quest was successful!

That doesn’t matter.

It’s time to slay some goblins.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] It's time to slay some goblins.

The location is Water Town.

The reward is one bag of gold each.

It’s up to you if you want to come or not.

[HIGH ELF ARCHER scoffs] Seriously?

This is something I’ve already suspected for a while, but now I’m completely convinced.

You’re going to drive me crazy if you continue to surprise me with every move you make.

So, listen up!

We’ve been over this before.

It’s not a discussion unless everybody involved has a say.

But I am giving you a say.

You’re not!

Whatever we choose, the outcome is the same.

[GOBLIN SLAYER groans] If we decided not to go with you, you’d go by yourself, right?

Of course.

Hm.

[HIGH ELF ARCHER] So she’s right.

This isn’t a discussion.

[DWARF SHAMAN] Still, the fact that Beard-cutter is even mentioning it to us means he’s getting a little better.

-Maybe.

-Indeed.

I believe this is a sign of real progress.

-[LIZARDMAN PRIEST chews]

-[DWARF SHAMAN sighs]

Sweet nectar!

[PRIESTESS sighs] All right.

I’ve decided.

I’ll go with you.

You don’t know how many goblins you might face.

The more spellcasters you have, the likelier the quest is to succeed.

Oh, very well, then.

Our travelling expenses seem to be more or less in order.

I suppose we could go.

[HIGH ELF ARCHER] Once we’re done slaying these goblins, you’ll go on another adventure with us.

What do you say, Orcbolg?

Do we have a deal?

Sure.

That’s fine.

[HIGH ELF ARCHER] And remember, there will be no water t*rture.

-Got it?

-Or setting them on fire.

[HIGH ELF ARCHER] Or poisoning them.

No poison?

[PRIESTESS and HIGH ELF ARCHER] Absolutely not!

Very well.

[HIGH ELF ARCHER gasps]

[BOTH] He actually agreed!

[BOTH giggle]

[birds chirping]

[horse running, distant]

Not far, you can see it from here.

So big!

[PRIESTESS] That’s Water Town?

[HIGH ELF ARCHER] It looks just like I remember.

The waterways are a means of transportation, and keep the town well supplied with food and other wares.

[PRIESTESS] What kind of food do people around here like to eat?

Hmm, all sorts of things, really.

They’ve got access to many ingredients, but lamb liver stewed with wine and fried fish are local favorites.

Apparently, the wheat here is very coarse, so it makes great batter.

You seem quite knowledgeable about the region, Sir Goblin Slayer.

Someone I know told me about it when I mentioned I was coming here.

Do you mean your friend, from the farm?

Yes.

Wow, so this is the Temple of Law.

Just like I imagined!

Look, Goblin Slayer!

-It’s amazing!

-Is it?

[PRIESTESS groans] So, this is where we’re meeting?

Yes, our client should be inside.

Is the person who sent us the quest a priest of the Supreme God?

No, the Archbishop -of the Supreme God.

-[PRIESTESS gasps] Um, the Archbishop, really?

[BOTH] Hmm?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Let’s go.

[PRIESTESS gulps]

[PRIESTESS] He means...the Sword Maiden.

[PRIESTESS] The arbiter of the law all across the western frontier.

The Archbishop beloved by the Supreme God.

She was one of the adventurers who defeated the Demon Lord ten years ago.

She’s gold-ranked, the second-highest tier.

She isn’t a hero from some old story.

She was born of the people, and became a legend in her own right.

[PRIESTESS] Is that her?

[PRIESTESS] It is.

The Sword Maiden Hello?

Oh, my.

Visitors.

I’m here for the goblins.

[PRIESTESS] Uhh...!

I’m sorry, excuse him!

Thank you very much for seeing us.

I can’t tell you what an honor it is to meet you.

We have a brave warrior, and a sweet priestess.

And you are?

Fellow adventurers who have had the privilege to fight beside them.

Though we were not summoned, we’d be happy to offer assistance.

Well met, stalwart adventurers.

I welcome you from the bottom of my heart.

So...where are the goblins?

[PRIESTESS groans]

[SWORD MAIDEN] It happened about a month ago.

We sent one of the acolyte girls from the temple out on an errand late at night.

Her corpse was discovered in an alleyway the next morning.

The reports said it looked as though she was sliced apart while still alive.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Still alive?

-So it happened right there?

-[SWORD MAIDEN] Mm-hmm.

Did the goblins eat parts of her or was she only m*rder*d?

[HIGH ELF ARCHER sighs] Just let her talk.

Continue.

That att*ck was just the beginning.

I had the city guard extend their patrols, but our crime rate rapidly increased.

Women assaulted.

Children kidnapped.

And all, apparently, the work of cutthroats or thieves.

But after one such att*ck was interrupted by an adventurer, a shocking discovery was made.

The corpse of the small would-be assassin wasn’t human.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] A goblin?

Goblins, huh?

And more than a few of the nasty things by the sound of it.

How do you think that many of them have gotten into the town?

Surely they would have been stopped if they’d tried to enter through the gates.

[DWARF SHAMAN] Maybe they tunneled up from underground, or used the waterways.

Seems like a lot of casualties if they were just passing through.

Goblins always make their nests beneath the surface, do they not?

This town was built on top of an old settlement, so there are probably some ruins below the newer construction.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] If I were them, I would settle there.

They aren’t bright creatures, but they’re not total fools.

There you go again.

You’re always thinking like a goblin.

Of course I am.

If I didn’t know how they thought, I wouldn’t be very good at fighting them.

[SWORD MAIDEN] Like you, we concluded that they were living under the city, and sent out a quest for the Water Town adventurers, but...

[PRIESTESS] What happened to them?

Oh...

-I see.

-And that was when I heard

-[PRIESTESS gasps]

-the ballad of the brave and honorable Goblin Slayer, the hero of the frontier.

What ballad?

You mean you didn’t know?

You’ve been immortalized in song.

Meeting you in person was pretty disappointing.

That’s not my problem.

Come now, Sir Goblin Slayer.

Tales of bravery survive thanks to the bards who sing of them.

Why does that matter?

Do you truly not understand how these things work?

The more that word of your deeds spreads throughout the land, the more requests you’ll get to do the goblin slaying you love so much.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Hmm...

I beg of you.

Kind sir, will you please save Water Town from these creatures and their depravity?

Your town may already be lost, but I’ll k*ll some goblins.

Goblin Slayer!

Can’t you be a little more tactful?!

It’s the truth.

[PRIESTESS] And that’s exactly why you should be more sensitive!

Shall we head to the sewers, then, Sir Goblin Slayer?

Yes.

We’ll need to be careful and thorough.

It would be annoying if one of them got away.

And remember, no using water, fire, or poison!

-I know.

-Hm.

Forgive me for asking, but why have you not ordered the city guard to eradicate them for you?

Admittedly, there is much I do not know about this town and its ways, but surely that would fall under their jurisdiction.

[SWORD MAIDEN] Well...

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Were you told there was no point in mobilizing the m*llitary against mere goblins?

Mm-hmm.

I suppose you can’t really blame them.

There are still plenty of demons running around the capital, after all.

With the m*llitary spread thin, goblin slaying is a job for us adventurers.

The difficulties that arise from money and politics in human society never cease to amaze me.

Enough of this.

How do we get underground?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Well?

Oh of course.

I do beg your pardon, sir.

[SWORD MAIDEN] I believe that your best option will be to access the sewers by going down the well behind this temple.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Is this map accurate?

Mostly.

It’s an old sketch dating back to when the temple was first built.

But still, the waterways should be intact there.

If there is damage, it won’t be too severe.

All right.

You navigate.

I’m happy to.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Let’s go.

-There’s no time to waste.

-Right.

That’s Orcbolg, always getting straight to the point.

[sighs]

[SWORD MAIDEN] Miss...

Archbishop?

Perhaps it isn’t my place to ask this, but...

are you not frightened of what you might encounter down there?

Well...

we’ll be facing an unknown number of goblins in their own territory.

So, yes.

But still.

[gasps]

[PRIESTESS] I’m sure that together, we can handle it.

[GOBLINS chatter, grumble]

[shield bashed]

[GOBLIN] Ahh-- ahh!

[splash]

I believe that should be the last of this particular group.

No...

that’s the last of them.

This many goblins living right under a city...

it’s enough to make your skin crawl.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] About what I’d expect.

[DWARF SHAMAN] Huh?

[HIGH ELF ARCHER] I’m not going to do what Orcbolg does.

This will be a long fight.

I don’t want to have to resort to using the goblin made arrows halfway through.

They’re terribly crude.

-[GOBLIN SLAYER] Are they?

-Yeah, they are!

[DWARF SHAMAN] This is the fifth time we’ve been att*cked today alone.

Who knows how many goblins are actually down here?

This place is crawling with the filthy things.

[HIGH ELF ARCHER] I’m starting to think we’ll be down here forever.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Don’t worry.

These walls are made of stone.

They’re unlikely to ambush us through them.

[PRIESTESS] I can’t stand the thought of another ambush.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Sorry.

At least with all the refuse down here, we don’t need to worry about masking our scents.

Please don’t remind me of such a terrible memory.

Hm-- [DWARF SHAMAN] What is it, long-ears?

Something feels off, but I’m not sure what.

And I hear water...up there?

[rain patters]


[PRIESTESS] Hold on...is that rain?

[HIGH ELF ARCHER] We’re underground.

How can it be raining?

[DWARF SHAMAN] The obvious answer is that it’s raining on the surface.

It must be making its way down here through the canals and the sewers.

What are your thoughts, Beard-cutter?

It will be bad if our light source was extinguished.

What’s the matter, Goblin Slayer?

Did you see something?

Be on your guard.

We’re about to have company.

Here, you’ll need this!

[PRIESTESS exhales]

[DWARF SHAMAN groans]

[water rushing]

♪ No!

-[gasps]

-A boat?

[shouts]

-[GOBLINS grunting]

-[arrows whizzing]

Hear me, O merciful Earth Mother.

Please protect us, the weak, with your divine light and the sacred power of nature!

Protection!

I can’t hold this long.

[HIGH ELF ARCHER] What do you want to do?

What else?

The same as always.

[cr*ck]

[GOBLIN SLAYER] All goblins must die.

That’s one.

Hey, now.

Leave the long-distance targets to me.

Show off.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] How many spells do you have left?

Loads of ‘em.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Good.

Then use Tunnel, dig a hole.

You know there’s a whole town above us?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Not up.

Dig down.

Make a hole in the waterway and let the water run out.

[DWARF SHAMAN] If we mess around too much down here, the sewers could overflow.

But it’s not water t*rture, fire, or poison.

Do something else!

I’m going to lose the shield!

If you have another transfer scroll, then you might want to consider using it now.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Unfortunately, I don’t.

I’m going to throw this as soon as Protection goes down.

Once I do, use the miracle again.

Solidify our defense.

[PRIESTESS] Yes, right!

If you wouldn’t mind waiting just a moment, please.

Now...I call upon you, ancestors: O sickle wings of the velociraptor, slice, fly, and hunt.

[LIZARDMAN PRIEST] I believe that blade will be to your liking.

But please avoid throwing it.

I’ll do my best.

Just a...little...longer.

-[ding]

-[GOBLIN] Ugh!

[GOBLIN gasps]

[GOBLINS pained screaming]

What the...?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] We’re jumping.

Five.

Now, O great and fearsome dragon, behold your descendant in battle!

-[GOBLIN grunts]

-[GOBLIN SLAYER] Nine...ten...

they’re wearing armor.

It’s easier just to knock them off -the boat.

-Excellent idea!

[GOBLINS] Whoaa!

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Sixteen.

With these numbers, we may be in trouble.

[GOBLIN growls] Eyes open or eyes closed, a high elf’s arrow never misses its mark.

Here.

Ugh.

And here I was hoping not to use these things.

[PRIESTESS] Protection!

Ahh!

Thanks for that!

I’ll keep their strikes from reaching us, so the rest of you can concentrate on your att*cks.

Okay!

Time to work, you crafty gnomes.

Mash grains of sand together to form mighty rock.

[grunts]

[DWARF SHAMAN] Beard-cutter!

Scaly!

Get back here!

Stone Blast!

[HIGH ELF ARCHER] Another battle over.

What next?

Personally, I’d like to rest a little while.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] No, we need to keep moving.

Yes, I agree.

That skirmish was anything but quiet.

Even with the rain masking some of the noise, we may well have alerted other denizens of this place to our presence here.

[GIANT GATOR growls]

-What?

-A goblin?

[thundering chomp]

[GOBLIN SLAYER] That’s not a goblin.

Thank you for clearing that up!

[HIGH ELF ARCHER] Time to get out of here!

I wasn’t expecting a swamp dragon!

Swamp dragon, Or an alligator!

Hey, Scaly, isn’t that thing a relative of yours?

Talk to it!

It pains me to say this, but I have had no contact with any of my family since I left home.

[ALL gasp]

Ahh!

Uh-- ahh!

[LIZARDMAN PRIEST] And even if I had, I can assure you, that violent creature is no relative of mine, Sir Mage.

Well, I guess this is one way to get around.

[GOBLIN SLAYER panting] Try to steady your breathing.

I’m fine, you don’t need to carry me!

[GOBLIN SLAYER] You have one miracle left, don’t you?

I can’t have you fainting here.

I say we feed the dwarf to that monster and make our escape.

It’ll definitely get food poisoning!

You just try it!

[gasps] There’s something up ahead of us.

At least one goblin ship, possibly a lot more.

Who knows?

[PREISTESS] So, what should we do?

There is a way.

I don’t know what kind of crazy plan you’ve got in your head this time, but remember the rules!

[GOBLIN SLAYER] We’ll go with your idea.

[GOBLINS chatter, grumbling]

[GOBLIN SHAMAN growls]

[GOBLINS cheer]

[GOBLIN SHAMAN chuckles]

[GIANT GATOR roars]

[GOBLINS scream]

[PRIESTESS] Hear me, O merciful Earth Mother.

Protect us and bless us with Holy Light.

I get it.

You had her use Holy Light on the swamp dragon’s tail, and that lured the goblins straight into its path.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] I was told not to use water, fire or poison.

My options were a bit limited.

[HIGH ELF ARCHER] They may not be smart, but I can’t believe that’s all it took to fool them.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] The goblins learned to associate light with groups of adventurers because we always travel by it.

[HIGH ELF ARCHER] Really?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] I’m not sure when they figured it out, but it’s commonly known among them now.

Their kind are nothing more than scavengers.

They’d never think of building anything on their own.

Again, they aren’t bright creatures, but they’re not total fools.

They learn how to use items quickly.

If they were shown a boat, it wouldn’t take them long to learn to use it.

Well, aren’t you Mister Knowledgeable?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] I’ve studied them.

This is why I make sure never to give the goblins any new ideas.

I k*ll them instead.

You think...somebody showed them how to use the boats... intentionally?

-[GOBLIN SLAYER] Yes.

-[PRIESTESS] But...

isn’t it also possible they had a goblin shaman who figured it out for them?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Could be.

But if their numbers increased naturally down there, why didn’t they know about the...

what was that thing called again?

[PRIESTESS] The, um, swamp dragon, you mean?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Yeah, that.

The goblins didn’t know about it.

If they had, I don’t think they would’ve dared to use boats.

They’re cowards by nature.

[LIZARDMAN PRIEST] What exactly are you suggesting, Sir Goblin Slayer?

The goblin population here isn’t the result of them multiplying naturally.

Someone...or something orchestrated this infestation.

[growling]

[dice rolling]
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