01x11 - Identity Crisis

[bunniefuu]

[ Carrie ] Before there was sex, before there was the city, there was just me... Carrie. Carrie Bradshaw. And lots of things were changing...

You're an amazing girlfriend. You care about me.

Heck, you're the only one who does.

For all of us.

I don't like guys!

I like girls.

I'm not like you at all

because I'm not f*g.

Can I just say how sorry I am?

It's okay.

You wanna be in this photo, you gotta kneel down! You, kneel.

You know what?

She should be our team manager.

What would I have to do?

Bookkeeping, scheduling, recording statistics.

Honey! I'm here.

[ Mouths words ] [ Mouths words ]

[ Mouths word ]

Spring is about rebirth and starting over.

It's the perfect time to try out something new.

We all saw spring as the time to shed our winter skin.

[ The knack ]

♪ Ooh, my little pretty one or in Donna Ladonna's case,

her winter clothes.

♪ Give me some time, Sharona for me, it was a chance to try out a new identity.

With a week off from school,

I'd get to be a full-time Manhattan working girl.

♪ My Sharona I can't believe you have to work all of break.

Are you sure you can't get out of it?

I need someone to watch "general hospital" with, and mouse thinks soaps are stupid.

You'll love the guy who plays frisco. He's a total babe.

Actually, I'm really excited about going to "Interview"

all week.

Hey, should I come meet you for lunch in the city?

You can show me your office. I can say hi to Bennet.

That's a great idea.

Meet me at 1:00. Real New Yorkers do lunch late.

I can't think of anything I would be less excited about than work.

I plan to avoid work my entire life.

I'm gonna have to figure out how to do that.

Are you kidding? If I could work at "Interview" full-time, that would be amazing.

That's why next week is so important.

Larissa said that if I do a good job, she might hire me as her full-time assistant over the summer... With a stipend!

Wow.

I think it's great, even though I'll miss ya.

I'll miss you, too.

Ugh. You guys are so cute, I wanna barf.

Be nice.

Now I wanna barf. Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Are you sure you'll be okay without me?

Yeah. Sure.

My parents are making me hang out with them anyway.

Now that they're talking about getting back together, - they want family time?

[ Mouse ] Excuse me. Out of my way.

Whoa! Hey, mouse!

Where's the fire?

Fire? What fire?

Hope not on the basketball court.

[ Laughs ]

I have regionals coming up, and every day of practice is essential.

You have regionals coming up?

Okay, the team has regionals coming up, if you wanna be technical about it.

And as team manager, it is my job to make sure that they're ready.

Isn't your job more like handing out sweat towels and keeping track of the schedule?

[ Chuckles ]

To be technical about it.

[ Laughs ]

Any job is what you make of it.

And I'm making this an opportunity to impress Harvard by displaying entrepreneurship.

Wow.

Did you make that I.D.

yourself?

Yes. See? Entrepreneurship.

Can you make me one?

My fake I.D. says that I'm 20

and I can't use it since the drinking age went up.

I want to show Harvard I am an entrepreneur, not a felon.

[ School bell rings ]

Hey, I can get you one. I'm not going to Harvard.

Really?

Yeah.

Awesome!

He's a keeper.

Yeah. I know.

I'll see you after sixth period.

All right.

[ Mouths word ]

Mom.

[ Voice breaks ] Sebastian. Oh!

I am sorry to just show up like this, but I didn't know where else to turn.

You're the only one who understands.

Yeah, mom, the thing is, right now is not the time...

How could your father treat me this way?

And after we just made love.

Uh, mom.

[ Sighs ] I gotta get to class.

He is a cruel, jealous bastard, Sebastian.

Don't be like him.

Oh. I know you never could be.

You're nothing like him.

We were just gonna go have something to eat.

We were both... hungry after all of the... Activity.

You gotta be kidding me.

I suggested we eat at the club, and... you should've seen the rage your father flew into.

He thought that I wanted to run into Lucas.

He actually accused me of using him to make Lucas jealous.

I mean, can you even imagine?

It boggles me mind.

[ Sobbing ]

Oh, my gosh.

I can't believe your mom...

[ Whispers ] Talked to you about... Doing it with your dad.

Ugh. I mean, that is... I just can't...

Yeah, she drags me in their... business a lot.

I'm sorry. That sucks.

But I guess on the bright side, that really means they might be getting back together.

I'm not sure that's a bright side.

What do you mean?

Don't you want them to?

You heard what I just told you, right?

That's what it's always like when they're together.

So, no, not really.

Would you?

I guess...

I would rather have my family together.

Yeah. I think I'm more comfortable this way.

The kid with divorced parents... Not so bad, compared to having my mom show up at school and dump all this stuff on me.

Yeah, I get that.

Thanks.

Thank you.

This grilled cheese is on me.

I'm the one with a job in the city, after all.

Yeah, and I'm the one with a tab here, Bradshaw.

[ Chuckles ] And your job's unpaid.

Yeah, that's a good point.

Is it lame that I'm so excited about next week?

You're not lame. You're gonna kick ass...

Because you're amazing.

[ Donna summer's "she works hard for the money" playing ]

♪ She works hard for the money hey.

♪ So hard for it, honey ah. How are you this morning, Bennet?

Good weekend?

Any Monday blahs?

Are you drunk?

It... it's okay if you are.

Rodney the ad sales guy is, too.

I'm not drunk. I'm just excited to be here.

Who are all these baskets for?

Larissa, the lucky bitch.

Can you believe all the free crap she gets?

I swear, people will send her anything to get featured in the magazine.

Like this.

Moisturizer made from the foreskin of an Albanian baby goat.

Come here. Coochie-coochie!

No!

[ Chuckles ] [ Laughs ] Mm.

♪

Ugh. How do people drink coffee?

It tastes like jet fuel.

Put some cream and sugar in it.

I have.

[ Telephone rings ]

[ Ring ]

Go.

[ Ring ]

Larissa Loughlin's office.

I'm sorry. She's not in.

Oh. It's Andy Warhol's assistant.

He wants to know where Larissa is.

Take a message. She's at some art installation in alphabet city. Okay.

Can I take a message?

Um, yeah. Hold on. Okay, okay.

Uh, it's 67th and Madison.

Okay, to pick up a package. Wait.

Bring it... sorry. Can I have the address again?

Uh... 2-1-7. Got it. All right, no problem.

Uh, Larissa will be on top of it right away.

Bye.

[ Receiver clatters ]

[ Exhales ]

Carrie, what's the deal?

Your pacing is making the cokehead receptionist twitchy.

Well... I promised Andy's assistant Larissa would run this errand right away, but it's been over two hours, and she still isn't even back yet.

Why would you tell them that?

Larissa's field trips can last for days.

Last week, she left for lunch with basquiat and ended up in Santa Fe with him, researching hopi Indian painting styles.

That's how Larissa is.

Everyone knows that.

I didn't know that. I'm just an intern.

And according to Andy's assistant, Larissa and only Larissa is supposed to be picking up a package for him at this boutique and then getting it to him at some club by the end of the day.

So what do I do? Do you think I should call the assistant and apologize?

I mean, I-I think Andy would understand, right?

Sure, he'll be totally mellow about it and open to hearing all your excuses.

Oh. Good.

Psych. Are you kidding?

He'll be totally pissed.

Andy wants what he wants when he wants it.

And if Andy isn't happy, nobody at "Interview" is happy.

He'll fire Larissa in a heartbeat and ban you from anything that matters in New York City for life.

The only club you'll get into is the Y.M.C.A. in Queens.

[ Exhales ] Okay.

So much for that summer job

or being a real New York working girl.

If I didn't fix this, I could kiss all of it good-bye.

May I help you?

Yes. Well, I hope so.

Uh, I work for "Interview" magazine, and I'm here to pick up the package for Andy Warhol.

I'm sorry. I can't help you with that.

I'm under strict orders to give that package only to Larissa Loughlin.

Yes...

And while I may have never met the illustrious Larissa myself, I can't believe you could be her.

You look about 12.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a customer.

As she walked away, it was like watching my internship

disappear along with her. I had to do something.

All the women's magazines are always encouraging you

to be a new you,

but being a new Carrie wouldn't be enough.

I needed to be a new Larissa.

[ Imitating Larissa ]

Darling, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you work punishing hours in here.

And that's why you seem to have momentarily lost your faculties.

Or you're new in town, so you don't know that of course I'm Larissa Loughlin.

Do I look young?

Impossibly, enviably young?

Of course. I work at "Interview""

not "ladies' home journal""

we retire people at 25. Harsh but true.

You're the style editor at "Interview" magazine?

Yes. I know. I get it all the time.

It's the goat foreskin moisturizer.

If I love it anymore, I'd have to have sex with it.

I can get you a sample. You, uh, need it.

Um... thank you?

[ Chuckles ] No problem.

We working women have to look out for each other, don't we?

Now maybe if you prove yourself, I'll take you on. I collect people, you know.

I'd heard that about you.

Then I'm guessing you've also heard I'm not someone to be trifled with.

So...

Get me my package. I don't like to wait.

Uh, the thing is, it's not here yet.

I am so, so sorry.

Mm. That is so disappointing.

You were finally starting to interest me.

It should be here any minute, and maybe while you wait, you might like to try out our fall line to make up for the in convenience.

Seriously?

That would be amazing...

I-I guess. I mean, last season was so... so-so.

Forget being myself.

Being Larissa was way more awesome.

I'm sure you're all wondering why I called you in over spring break.

Hold up. You called us in?

You said coach called it.

As your new team manager, I felt it was important to touch base with you all on some very important observations I've made.

[ Boys laugh ]

No, just hear me out, guys.

I think you'll be really glad you did.

Come on.

Thank you.

Now as team manager, I take our defeats very seriously.

We're undefeated.

So we're just going to rest on our laurels?

You really think that's a good idea?

I'm sure Georgetown felt pretty confident going into the NCAA finals as the heavily favored number one seed, only to have eighth-seeded villanova pull the rug out from under them.

That's right. I did my research.

I don't wear the team manager badge lightly.

While mouse was hoping for a productive spring break...

[ New age music playing ]

My dad just wanted a little relaxation.

But grownups don't get spring break,

so he decided to try a meditation class instead.

♪

[ lowered voice ] My friend swore these meditation classes were swarming with hot babes.

[ Lowered voice ]

Yeah, my friend Harlan told me the same thing. Last week, he said that Carol alt was his stretching partner.

[ Whispers ] Oh.

Guess he was talking about classes in the city.

Yeah. What a waste.

Yeah. [ Sighs ]

I mean, not that I'm just here looking to meet women.

You know, I had a pretty hard case this week, and I-I need to relax.

[ Chuckles ] Sure you do.

Lucky you.

[ Woman ] Now that we've all gathered in serenity, I invite you to close your eyes.

Breathe in, gathering strength from the calm surrounding you, and breathe out, releasing toxic thoughts.

[ Snapping gum ]

Clear your mind.

Picture every little worry you have going into a bag.

And now picture yourself throwing that bag away.

[ Snapping gum ]

[ Horns honking ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Excuse me.

Hey.

Bennet. Hey.

What are you doing here?

Looking for Carrie. We were

supposed to have lunch.

Oh. Emergency errand. She might be gone for a while.

I can give you the phone number for where she's at if you wanna meet up with her or...

Uh, I don't want to bother her.

Maybe I could just go out, get some food.

Happy to share if you're hungry.

Really?

I am pretty hungry. Come on.

Walt didn't mind the change in identity of his lunch date...

Come on.

And I didn't mind my own change in identity.

Okay, that was an understatement.

[ Lowered voice ] I wish you could see me right now.

I look like a different person.

Why would I want that? [ Video game music playing, lasers f*ring ]

Oh, you know what I mean.

It's just so fun feeling like Larissa.

They're giving me the full VIP treatment.

I'm in an outfit that costs $1,000

and I'm drinking coffee that's actually good.

It's called a cappuccino and it tastes like hot coffee ice cream... Or at least I think it does.

Or maybe acting like Larissa is going to my head and now I like coffee.

[ Laughs ]

Ugh. I know I sound like a doofus.

Doofuses can be very attractive.

I believe the plural would be "doofi."

Okay, maybe taking it too far.

I know! That's what happens when I...

[ Whispers ] Act like Larissa.

I just... I take things too far.

[ "Game over" sound plays ]

It's like I have a totally different identity.

Speaking of, got Maggie's new I.D.

Think she'll be as good at playing "Erika Johnson""

as you are at playing Larissa?

Well, she'd better be if she doesn't want to end up in juvie.

Ah, juvie. Right about now, I'd take that over where I am.

[ Bed thumping and creaking overhead ] Where are you?

[ Mr. and Mrs. Kydd moaning ]

Hiding in the den.

Are your parents fighting?

Either fighting or, uh...

[ Sighs ] Making up.

I can't really tell the difference at this point.

Your parents are having sex?

[ Groans ] While you're in the house?

Ugh. Oh, that is horrible.

[ Imitating Larissa ]

Oh, I've... I've got to go.

Get out of there.

[ Beep ]

Are those the packages for Andy?

I-I was o-only expecting one.

Oh, no. That package isn't here yet.

These are all the outfits you just tried on.

[ Lowered voice ] Just think of them as a small token of the boutique's appreciation.

Appreciation for... You know.

For featuring our new fall line on the cover of "Interview."

Like a... bribe?

[ Laughs ]

I know you have to play dumb, but we both know how this works.

So... what do you say?

[ Clicks switch ]

I hope seeing where your strengths and weaknesses lie will help motivate you.

We can all learn from our mistakes, right?

I don't think that's gonna work.

How the hell am I ranked lower than Alonso in hustle?

He phones it in every game. What are you talking about?

Well, you never box out. You never get back on defense.

Oh, yeah?

That game against central, when that guy nailed that outside sh*t in the fourth quarter, you didn't even get a hand in his face.

[ Boy ] Ooh!

Everyone has room for improvement.

There's no need to fight.

You want a hand in the face?

I'll show you a hand in the face.

Oh, yeah? Come on.

Guys, guys, chill out. Come on, guys.

I think this meeting is over.

You guys can all go.

[ Boys murmuring ]

I've had so many more blocked sh*ts than you.

I'm out of here. I should've been ranked...

You must be trippin'.

I think it went pretty well. They're fired up.

Were you not paying attention just now?

Alonso and Pendleton are best buddies, and you had 'em at each other's throats.

I don't know why you're so upset.

You ranked number one in four out of the five categories.

You only came second in free throws because of your shoulder injury.

You're a piece of work, you know that?

This is a team.

To win, we have to work together, not against each other.

But you're athletes. You're all about competition.

Competing against each other will enhance results, like when I found out you were number one in the class.

Am, not were.

I am number one in the class.

Not for long.

Because feeling competitive with you motivated me.

And I haven't scored less than 100% on any test since.

And if it takes a little arguing to make the team more competitive, it'll be worth it.

You have to fix this. I can't have my guys fighting.

It's bad for morale.

And bad for winning.

Girl, you are gonna be worse for this team than Donna Ladonna, and she almost destroyed us.

[ Door opens ]

And as we begin our final series of deep breathing, you should already feel nice and relaxed, calm and centered...

[ Snapping gum ]

Ready to face the world.

Ha! Are you kidding me?!

You... [ Laughing ]

Excuse me?

It's the gum.

I mean, you... you have been at this for over an hour now with the constant...

Snapping and the... And the chomping.

I-I-I cannot be the only one whose head is about to explode here.

I... [ Chuckles ]

I, uh, I think you are.

No, no, no, they're all being polite because you are driving everybody insane.

Well, maybe it's just you.

[ Mouths word ]

Because maybe, just maybe, from your... Little outburst there, you're insane.

Come on!

The gum chewing?!

It was so loud!

You know what? Screw it. Screw it. I d...

You hippie freaks.

This is one of the best perks of the job.

Puffed cheese straw?

No, thanks.

[ Telephone rings ]

"Interview" magazine. This is Bennet.

[ Whispers ] Please tell me Larissa's back in the office.

Larissa's not back in the office.

Why are you whispering?

I'm whispering because I still don't have Andy's package.

And the woman who works at the store thinks I'm Larissa.

And she's trying to bribe me with free clothes that I'm supposed to put on the cover of "Interview."

Really? What kind of clothes?

That's not the point.

Okay, there is this one really amazing silver tube dress that normally I would not be caught dead I.

But I tried it on, and...

Ugh! What am I saying?

That's not the point.

What am I supposed to do?

I mean, I can't take all these clothes.

Why not?

Well, wouldn't it be illegal or something?

Unethical murky area? Yes.

Illegal?

Nah. Everyone does it.

How do you think Larissa looks so fab?

She can't afford that wardrobe on her salary.

I say if that woman thinks you're Larissa, you take the clothes, get Andy's package, and get the hell out of there.

[ Woman ] Is Larissa Loughlin here?

That must be the package. I gotta go.

There's a delivery girl here.

Um...

[ Exhales ] I'm Larissa Loughlin. You have my package?

Yes.

And I have something else for you, too.

Larissa Loughlin, I'm going to k*ll you. Aah!

[ Vase shatters ]

Uh, I-I think you've got this all wrong.

Oh, really?

Did it feel wrong when you were sleeping with my boyfriend, Larissa?

No! Aah!

I bet you're wondering where he is, aren't you?

You do have a nice, little routine, don't you?

He delivers Andy's packages, and then you get an afternoon quickie.

Well, not this afternoon!

I think this is all a big misunderstanding.

Lucky for me, he passed out from too many quaaludes this morning.

So I delivered the package myself.

Look, I... Save it, bitch!

Stop!

What are you doing?!

What am I doing?

I am going to k*ll Larissa Loughlin.

What did you do?

I didn't actually do anything because I'm not Larissa.

My name is Carrie Bradshaw. I'm 17.

I-I'm just an intern.

I knew it!

Have at her!

I don't care what you call yourself.

You ruined my life!

Aah! Aah!

No, not the clothes!

I'm sorry! I'm so sorry.

Aah!

He's mine!

Good luck getting that to Andy.

It's not even cut!

[ Hangers clattering ]

Oh, my God. Is she a drug mule?

It that coke?

I want some.

Get off of me.

[ Door closes ]

Uh...

Excuse me for a minute. I... [ Sighs ]

Now what?

[ Sighs ]

I just... I wanted to apologize. After I left and I calmed down, I felt pretty stupid, yelling at you like that. I mean, it turns out all I needed to relax was a cheeseburger.

So... [ Smacking ]

[ Chuckles ]

That's very funny.

What's funny?

I'm... giving you the benefit of the doubt that you are making a joke based on our last interaction.

I don't know what you mean.

Really? You don't?

[ Chewing loudly ]

You are doing that on purpose just to bug me.

Nobody really chews their gum like that.

[ Pop ] I do.

I don't even know your name, but you might be the most annoying woman I have ever met.

[ Breathing heavily ]

I'm Deb.

Tom.

[ Continues breathing heavily ]

Donna?

Oh, look, a nerd can't stay away from her natural habitat even during spring break. How cute.

Hey, you're during spring break, too.

Duh! I'm here for the guy-watching.

This is the only time of year when baseball, basketball, and soccer are all practicing at the same time. Toodles.

Oh, wait.

Before you go, um...

I know this isn't any of my business, but is there some weird history between you and the basketball team?

What do you mean?

Is there any reason they might think you almost destroyed them?

Oh! That. [ Laughs ]

[ Exhales ] Oh, I went through an indecisive phase last year.

I dated two players at the same time.

Of course, they both became obsessed with me, and then when they found out about each other, they both spazzed.

They were, like, fighting about me during games.

You know how men are.

Yeah. Sure. Totally. I know.

Do you remember that 3-game losing streak last season?

That was you?

Mm-hmm.

Then what?

How did it get fixed?

Yeah, I dumped them both.

Once they had me to hate as a common enemy, they became friends again.

And so now...

I am into soccer players.

While mouse was getting an idea,

Maggie got the brand-new identity

she'd been hoping for.

This is perfect.

Thank you for going to all that trouble.

No trouble at all.

I needed an excuse to get out of the house and away from my parents.

So it's "reunited, but it doesn't feel so good"?

Yeah. Kinda wish they wouldn't reunite at all.

Carrie thinks that's crazy.

Yeah, but she doesn't have parents who hate each other.

All my parents do is fight. It's annoying and loud.

They only stay together 'cause they're catholic.

When I was little, I used to actually pray they would get a divorce just to stop the yelling.

I don't think that's what the pope had in mind.

Probably not.

[ Whispers ] Oh... my God.

Is that Mr. Bradshaw?

Yeah, it is. Let's go.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Oh! Walt! I'm sorry about lunch.

Bennet was just showing me his new column. Are you okay?

Yeah. You look kinda crazed. And what are you wearing?

Oh, you know, I accidentally took the express train and ended up in the Bronx in a $1,000 couture outfit, which I accidentally stole from Krizia, where I was nearly k*lled by a psychotic woman who thought I was sleeping with her boyfriend because Larissa is sleeping with her boyfriend.

And now apparently, I'm a drug courier, too.

There is something uncut in here for Andy...

[ Whispers ] And I'm pretty sure it's cocaine.

[ Normal voice ]

And I'm afraid to open it.

Yikes.

[ Sighs ] It's... oh!

How did this happen?

I mean, all I wanted to be was a slightly more New York version of myself and impress Larissa, but this...

This is not what I signed up for. I mean...

Carrie?

What? I'm having a nervous breakdown.

Oh, my. It's... Andy's wig, and it hasn't been cut yet.

[ Gasps ] [ Laughs ]

So that's what that crazy woman meant by "uncut."

Yep. No dr*gs. Just... Andy's wig.

[ Chuckles ]

He's very particular about it.

At least, that's what I've heard.

Apparently, he's never admitted it's a wig, and he only orders them from this one guy.

Yeah, this one guy Larissa is sleeping with.

Okay, so I'm not a total failure.

I can still get this to Andy at that club by the end of the day. It's only 5:30.

Sounds like the end of the day to me.

Okay. Let's get this wrapped up and head out.

What... is this place?

Um... does Andy have some sort of kids' clothing fetish that we don't know about or something?

I wouldn't put it past him.

I must have written down the wrong address because this is definitely not a club.

Andy's assistant was talking so fast.

What do we do now?

There's nothing we can do.

I screwed up the address, which means this whole day has been a waste of time.

Because of me, Andy Warhol is out there somewhere, bald.

[ Chuckles ] So much for my summer job at "Interview."

[ Sighs ]

Larissa is going to k*ll me.

Let's just go.

[ Electronic music playing ]

W-wait a sec. Do you hear that?

All I can hear is the sound of my own failure, echoing in my head.

♪

Wait. Is... is that music?

That is definitely the sound of throbbing bass, which can mean only one thing.

There's a club around here somewhere.

♪

This must be the traveling underground club I've heard about.

It's open 24 hours, and they change locations every week.

I've never been able to find it.

Until now.

That was the grodiest thing I've ever seen.

Mr. Bradshaw out in public like that.

It's worse than Jack Nicholson and Shirley MacLaine making out in "terms of endearment""

how are we gonna tell Carrie?

We're not.

What? We have to tell her. She's my friend.

She's your girlfriend.

Doesn't she need to know the truth?

Not if it'll hurt her, and we don't even know if what was going on in that car means anything.

Maybe it's just a, you know, onetime thing.

I did not think anything could make it grodier, but you just did.

No one wants to have to get involved in their parents' personal lives.

We want them to be parents, not people. Believe me.

Hmm. You're right. It would freak her out.

And, yeah, I mean, it probably didn't mean anything.

Okay.

My lips are sealed. You've got a deal.

All right.

Mouse.

Oh, hi.

What's going on with you?

Every time we see you lately, you're on the run.

Um... that's because I have a lot to do.

Guys.

We've gotta get past this.

French fries, burgers, and a grilled cheese.

Do you know what a fatty diet will do to your endurance on the court?

What is it now, mouse?

It's... I've been thinking about what happened at the meeting, and...

You guys all seemed really upset, so I just... I just really wanted to say that you guys need to grow some balls!

Huh?

You heard me.

Balls.

And not the kind you dribble on the court, erratically, in your case, Pendleton.

You're athletes.

Are you really just going to fall apart because one of the geekiest girls in school pointed out your mistakes?

[ Dishes clatter ]

Deal with it, you wusses!

Hey, mouse?

Yes?

You're fired.

Fired?

And we're gonna need that I.D.

[ Gasps ]

There you are. I was frantic. Where have you been?

Meeting a friend, like I told you.

Don't tell me you were worried about me.

No, not worried.

I-I just needed to talk. It's your father.

We had another fight, and he wants me to leave...

For good.

I was hoping that you could reason with him.

Reason with him about what?

About giving me another chance, giving our family another chance.

We can't give up just because of some silly little fight.

Please, Sebastian, I need you.

You've always been my rock, my hero, even when you were a little boy.

Yeah, doesn't that sound profoundly messed up to you?

I'm not supposed to be your hero or your rock or the person you talk to about your screwed up problems.

I'm your kid.

You should feel good that I feel so close to you.

Well, you barely know anything about me.

And you certainly don't seem like you care about me or what's good for me.

Why would you say that?

I came back so that we could be a family again.

But all you guys do is fight.

You hurt each other, and then you put me in the middle.

That's not being a family.

You're right.

[ Exhales ]

I... I'm... I'm sorry.

[ Sighs ]

I'm being selfish.

I-I wanna do what's right for you and for this family.

Well, what's right for this family might be you and dad being apart.

I guess... I'm afraid to be alone.

I love you so much, Sebastian.

You will always have me, mom.

Always.

[ Sighs ]

I really think we should think this through.

I-I've heard this place is beyond impossible to get into.

I mean... we at least need some sort of plan or a contact, someone in the know.

I-I just don't think it's... Or I could do this.

♪

Open up!

We know you're in there.

♪

Ah, we don't want any girl scout cookies.

[ Imitating Larissa ]

Hilarious, darling, but I don't have time for your clever little jokes right now.

I'm Larissa Loughlin, and I need to go in there right away.

Lari... [ Snorts ]

Excuse me. Did you just snort at me?

Do you not know who I am?

[ Scoffs ]

Sure, I do, and you're definitely not Larissa Loughlin.

[ Scoffs ] And... how would you know that... darling?

Because I know Larissa Loughlin...

In the, um, biblical sense, if you know what I mean.

[ Normal voice ] Yeah, I know... I know what you mean.

[ Door closes ]

That went well.

Is this really how it ends?

Defeated by a club filled with people who are partying - when it's barely even dark out?

In their defense, most of these people have been partying here since last night, so... Well, what are we gonna do?

'Cause being fake Larissa - is not gonna help you get in there.

Right.

Maybe being someone else will.

Okay, who? 'Cause I'm not sure how many more identities I can take. Bennet, hey.

Hey! Elliot.

I'm going to be someone fabulous... me.

Open up. I have something else to say.

Oh, my gosh, Elliot. Have you been working out?

Yeah, a little bit. I've been hitting the gym, you know?

[ Bennet and Elliot speak indistinctly ] [ Door opens ]

Look, munchkin, my short-term memory may be severely compromised from years of recreational drug use, but even I remember that you just tried to fake your way in here, so how about you just stop wasting my time?

I only need to waste one more minute of your time, and then you never have to see me again, I promise.

My name is Carrie Bradshaw.

I'm a High School student from Castlebury, Connecticut, and I know that's not normally the kind of person you would let into this club, but that's not all I am.

I'm a girl who loves the city and my job at "Interview,"

which I'm going to lose if you don't give me a chance to get in there and get this wig to Andy Warhol right away.

You've got Andy's wig?

Uh-huh.

Why didn't you just say so?

Andy's not even here yet.

I can get his assistant for you or... you can go on in.

Uh... you know, actually, I-I've had enough fabulousness for one day, so if you could just get his assistant for me...

You sure about that?

I am.

Okay. Well, wait right here.

[ Door closes ]

[ Laughs ]

♪

Wait. How did you get this?

You're not Larissa.

Well, actually, I kinda was for a little bit today, but that's another story.

You have the package, and that's all that matters.

Well, thanks.

This is the earliest it's ever gotten here.

You're so professional.

Well, you said it had to be here by the end of the day.

By the end of Andy's day.

His day just started a hour ago.

Oh.

But great job.

You should be in charge of all of Andy's packages.

Uh, no, thanks.

Say hi to Larissa for me.

Oh. I will.

It worked!

He has the wig.

Oh. Where's Bennet?

Walt, are you okay?

Let's just go.

Are you guys leaving?

I guess so.

See you tomorrow?

You bet.

Hey, is... is Walt okay?

Uh, I'm not sure.

Larissa still hasn't even called to check in.

I wonder where she is.

Do you wanna talk?

I can tell something's bothering you.

You barely said two words in the cab back there.

Does it have something to do with Bennet?

[ Sighs ] I guess I think it was rude of him to stay with that guy Elliot instead of coming back with us.

It's pretty uncool, right?

I guess... it just doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me.

But clearly it is to you.

Do you, um... maybe...

Why?

You know... Walt, you can tell me anything.

Right?

[ Sighs deeply ]

What if I'm not who I thought I was?

Well, uh, look at me today.

I mean, we're all trying to figure out who we are.

But you're figuring out who you wanna be.

I feel like I'm struggling with...

Who I wanna be with.

Okay?

[ Sighs ]

I think about Bennet a lot.

Well, do you think... Maybe, um...

You have a crush on him?

No.

Maybe.

Is that gross?

No, it's not gross.

What if it means I'm... Gay?

Oh! I can't even say it.

Why?

Because being that is wrong.

At least, that's what people think.

That's not what I think.

And in fact, I know that's not true.

How? How do you know that?

Because... if being gay is who you are, Walt, then... it must be good.

Because...

You are good.

And if anyone thinks otherwise, they're wrong.

I wish it were that simple.

[ Sighs ] Yeah.

Me, too.

But... you know, whatever happens, I love you, and I'm here for you.

Thanks.

Walt was finally figuring out who he was,

embracing his new identity,

and it was clear to both of us that it wasn't going to be easy.

The next day,

mouse was taking her change in identity in stride.

Mouse, what's up?

Didn't expect to see you here.

Figured you'd be enjoying your spring break now that you're not team manager anymore.

Sorry about that.

Don't be. I signed up for habitat for humanity.

Apparently, colleges are big on philanthropy this year.

[ Chuckles ] I'm glad you're not mad.

I just feel bad how it all went down.

I meant to get fired.

What?

Let's just say I learned a little something from the team's previous pariah... Donna.

I decided to give you guys a common enemy... me...

To bring you back together. And it worked, didn't it?

That's pretty brilliant, in an evil genius kind of way.

Did you just call me a genius?

You heard that over evil?

Of course I did.

Well, see you around.

I don't really think you're evil, and I'm sorry to see you go.

You gonna miss me?

Pfft. No way.

[ Giggles ]

Maybe.

[ A-ha's "take on me" playing ]

What?

You heard me.

Mouse was so accustomed to west's identity

as her academic Nemesis,

that she had failed to see he might want

to be something more, and that she might want that, too.

♪ Talking away

thanks. So it turned out Andy got the wig, and everything was fine.

But Larissa still wasn't there today.

So she just takes off from work for two days?

How does she not get fired?

She was working this whole time.

She's upstate smelling things with Grace Jones.

I think Grace Jones is doing a perfume, but I'm not totally sure.

Anyway, Larissa called today to thank me for saving her ass, and she even said if the office had cubicles, she'd give me one.

So I think it's safe to say that that summer job is a real possibility. Well, good for you.

So what have you been up to besides missing me like crazy?

Ah, not much. My mom split again.

She's back with Lucas.

I think my parents are done for good this time.

I'm sorry. Although that's what you wanted, right?

[ Mouth full ] Yeah. It's better this way, believe me.

I do.

So what else did I miss in good old Castlebury?

No, nothing much. Just the usual suburban boredom.

Nothing like what happened to you in the city.

Tell me more about last night.

Did anything else happen after you dropped off the wig?

Uh... nope. Walt and I

took the train home.

We were both pretty b*at.

While I was enjoying my identity

as Sebastian's girlfriend...

♪ Oh, things that you say ♪ Is it a life ♪ Or just to play my worries away? ♪

You ready to head to the train?

Yep.

It was my dad's turn to embrace a new identity...

♪ I'll be coming for you anyway ♪
♪ Take on me that of a man who was finally ready to date.

♪ Take me on as for me, my crazy day made me realize

I liked who I was and where I was going.

I was starting to become someone

who really belonged in New York,

like this was truly my town.

[ Japanese accent ] Excuse me. Oh!

Uh, could you tell me how to get to 8th street?

Oh, yeah. Um, go down there and take a right.

Thank you.

And apparently it showed.

♪ Take on me ♪ In a day ♪ Take me on Uh...

Sir, I gave you the wrong directions!

You're going the wrong way!

Hey, I said "starting to."

♪ Take on me ♪ In a day Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player