06x18 - The Truth in the Myth

[bunniefuu]

MAN: Can't believe you forgot your binoculars.

A lepidopterist without binoculars is like a day without sunshine.

Guess I was nervous to meet you.

Never done the online date thing before.

There's a red-banded hairstreak.

It's so beautiful.

Look what's next to it.

Right. Another butterfly.

Hackberry Emperor. Of course.

Guess I'm just tired.

We've only been at it for a few hours.

When you e-mailed me and said you were into butterflies, it sounded romantic, not like school.

You're not really a lepidopterist, are you?

No, Gary.

I'm just a woman looking for a man.

Oh. Yeah.

And I brought a blanket. Fantastic!

Look at these.

Oh, look at these.

A swarm of Silvery Checkerspots.

Oh, my God.

This is romantic.

But you're going to remember this a lot more than those butterflies, Gary.

They don't usually swarm like this.

Neither do I.

(screaming)

(screaming)

I hate online dating.

(indistinct police radio transmission)

BRENNAN: Partially skeletonized.

Ribs splayed open.

I have a feeling this wasn't natural causes.

Animal or psycho? Probably.

BRENNAN: The angle of the mandible and the brow of the skull indicate a male.

About 40 to 50, judging by the wear on the mandibular teeth.

Hey. What's-what's with all the butterflies?

Chlosyne nycteis.

They're the Silvery Checkerspot.

Indigenous to the area.

They're probably just attracted by the remains. Whoa, whoa, wait.

Butterflies eat dead people? Yeah.

Yeah, they may look beautiful, but they'll eat bird excrement, (goat bleats in distance) and aphid guts, decomposing meat.

Oh. Right.

What the hell?

(sniffing)

Something smells like sulfur.

(sniffs)
It's coming from the remains.

It's... (sniffing)

Hate when you do that.

It's not a typical... odor associated with decomposition.

(goat bleats)

Who would leave a goat out here?

BOOTH: Who cares about a goat? Okay?

We're dealing with a dead body here.

Look, shouldn't there be more blood?

Yes. It-it appears all of the blood has been drained from the victim's body.

I'm guessing psycho.
(bleating)

BRENNAN: But look at the ribs, two through six, on the left side.

Bite marks. Cannibal?

No. It-it's not human dentition.

I'm confused. Me, too.

And I don't like the feeling.

So, the heart is gone?

Well, it's like someone ate it right out of his chest.

HODGINS: Wow.

The victim's right ankle has a vertical transarticular pin that was surgically implanted to fix a past fracture.

Could be a helpful identifier.

Very good, Mr. Nigel-Murray.

While I have your attention and affection, there's something that I'd like to say.

Can you speak while working?

Of course. As you may be aware, I am currently participating in Alcoholics Anonymous, pursuant to my unfortunate downward spiral in the aftermath of my Jeopardy! win.

Whoa.

I had no idea you were in AA.

Yes, well, as with everything else, discretion has been my watchword.

Except when I was vomiting into someone's hat.

These look like spiny bristles from some kind of animal.

Oh, and the evidence on the X-rays shows bone damage on the ribs from long fang-like teeth.

Oh. Maybe the heart was eaten.

But anyway, I'm currently at step nine of 12, which consists of me making amends to those people that I have harmed while I've been drinking.

Not necessary. Don't even remember being wronged.

I urinated in your tadpole t*nk, Dr. Hodgins.

What?

Mr. Nigel-Murray, that's disgusting.

Of course. Anyway, Dr. Hodgins, I apologize.

Dr. Saroyan. No.

All I want to hear from you right now are facts about this case.

Okay. At this point, from all of the evidence that I've gathered from the X-rays, as well as the observable evidence on the remains, indicates that our victim was k*lled by a cryptid.

Cryptid? A creature yet unrecognized by scientific consensus.

Of course.

Oh, no. You guys aren't going to start talking about werewolves, are you?

No, no, no. I would posit that it was a chupacabra.
(chortles)

A spiny creature the size of a bear.

Vicious, a forked-tongue, with fangs easily capable of biting out the victim's heart.

But no one has ever captured or verified this chupacabra.

No. But reports show that it sucks out its victim's blood, and leaves behind the scent of sulfur.

And you found a goat tethered to a stake there.

Chupacabra means "goat sucker."

So for cause of death, you want me to put down "goat sucker."

Oh... What is that?

SAROYAN: The m*rder victim's stomach contents.

Wow. You know, if you're hungry, there's uneaten food in the kitchen.

You're right. I'm sorry.

There's just something about a pregnant woman that precludes twisted humor.

What's up? So I looked at the clothes that our guy was wearing.

Apparently, he did not scrimp on the duds.

Everything was brand new.

It was like he was wearing a costume.

So maybe he wasn't really an outdoorsman at all.

Oh, and guess what?

Vincent just apologized to me.

Oh. Step number nine: making amends?

Yeah. He apologized for using my letter opener to clean his fingernails. Ugh.

And for telling his entire darts team that he slept with me.

Oh, my God. What is with him?

He was drunk. Well, but still?

It's not like I'm going to run into his darts team.

Well, you are a better person than I am.

Really? I'm not going to forget that you told me that.

BRENNAN:
You identified the victim how?

Well, no real hunter goes out to the woods in brand-new clothes, right?

So he had to be a tourist.

So I sent his description to the hotels and lodges in the area and I got a hit.

Pine Tree Manor.

Yeah, they said they had a guest by the name of Lee Coleman, who disappeared and left his stuff behind.

Lee Coleman.

The Lee Coleman.

Why do you keep saying his name as if I should know him?

Lee Coleman.
k*ll the Myth.

It's a TV show on the Wilderness Network.

I've never seen it.

Wow. Do you even own a TV?

Of course. It's in the closet.

Well, naturally. Anyway, on the show, Coleman would go out and he would debunk different myths and legends.

You know, the Loch Ness monster, the yeti, psychic healers, yada, yada.

I'm not familiar with the "yada yada yada" myth, but the rest of them don't need disproving, because they don't exist.

Okay, again, just because you haven't seen something, it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.

I mean, you haven't seen the backside of the moon, but you believe in it.

(chuckles)
What?

Just trying to think of an amusing quip about the backside of your moon.

(laughing)

All right, great. What if Coleman was in the woods trying to disprove the chupacabra for k*ll the Myth?

And the myth k*lled him instead.

It could happen. No, it couldn't.

You can't be k*lled by something that doesn't exist.

Well, you can if it does exist.

I don't think you understand what the word "myth" means.

(exhales)
(laughs)

(laughing)

Now what?

Perhaps you could see your dark side if you mooned a mirror.

Because "moon" is a term that refers to exposing... I know, Bones.

Get it? It-it's pretty clever, right?

It's clever, yeah, clever.

Yeah, I'd laugh but it's that, uh, I'm afraid of driving off the road.

I understand. You do, right?

Safety first. Oh, yeah.

I understand.

(laughs)

BRENNAN:
Oh.

Huh.

Odd that they would call it the Pine Tree Manor when it's obviously clad in cedar.

I was just thinking that.

Really? No.

Wow.

Hello.

(clock chimes)
BRENNAN: Hello.

MAN: Welcome to the Pine Tree Manor.

It would more properly be called the Cedar Siding Manor.

Right. Uh, FBI, Special Agent Seeley Booth.

This here's my colleague, Dr. Temperance Brennan.

You must be here because of the myth guy.

I'm Randy Shepard, I own the place.

Is it true what we're hearing?

What are you hearing?

That something got the guy. Out in the woods.

Something... horrible.

And how'd you hear that?

From me. BOOTH: Who are you?

I'm Melissa Lawson.

Melissa's our activities coordinator.

What does that mean?

Fishing, hikes, bird-watching, nature trails, hunting.

Mr. Coleman sort of monopolized Melissa the three days he was here.

He was filming an episode of that show of his.

To debunk the chupacabra.

Yeah. And it got him.

We've had sightings.

People used to come from all over just to get a glimpse of one.

What's it look like? Oh.

(phone rings)

Hello?

So, I've analyzed those dermal cells we found on the remains.

Turns out they are skin, but not human.

Now, judging by the heavily keratinized stratum corneum, they appear to be reptilian.

Reptilian? There's more.

Those needle-like quills, they're composed of 45% carbon, 27% oxygen, 15% nitrogen and six percent hydrogen.

That's hair.

Mm-hmm, and definitely mammalian.

No. Th-th-that makes no sense.

Reptile scales and mammalian hair don't coexist on any known animal.

Really? What about this?

Chupacabra.

I'm Lee Coleman, and I've made it my life's mission to disprove some of the world's most tenacious myths, legends and monsters.

Don't be a fool.

k*ll the myth and find the truth.

Join me next week as I brave the deep woods of West Virginia in search of the mythic chupacabra...

(snarling growl)

...a creature whose name means "goat sucker."

But I'm going to prove that if you believe in him, you are the sucker.

That promo wasn't sh*t in West Virginia.

It was a park near the studio.

I can't believe he's gone.

Well, you were his producer.

You must've known he was going out there.

I rarely knew what Lee was up to.

He insisted on doing all of his own research.

Can you think of anyone who would want to harm Lee?

He made a career out of making people look like fools.

Everyone he debunked probably wanted him dead.

Believers in superstitions like these, they turn to illogical explanations as a way of deriving control in a frightening and uncertain world.

They're nuts. That's a more succinct way of putting it.

But when a person like that has his way of life challenged, becoming violent would not be surprising.

You know, Lee was att*cked once, by a dog.

He debunked a dog? What-what was it pretending to be?

He debunked a pet psychic.

Oh. She lost a lot of clients.

Um, one day Lee was coming out of the studio, and this dog just went for him.

And the pet psychic was just across the street watching the whole thing. Was it her dog?

She denied it, but why else would she be there?

That mutt latched onto Lee's leg, he fell, broke his ankle, had to have surgery, and we couldn't even touch the psychic.

When was this? Last year.

Oh. But he insisted on re-running the episode two weeks ago.

He disappeared right after that.

I told him he should forget about her.

She's a loon, but he wanted to go after her again.

NIGEL-MURRAY: I've never seen bone damage like this before. Normally, puncture marks resulting from carnivorous scavenging are accompanied by pits in the cortical bone surfaces.

Which are not in evidence.

Mysteriously.

So I'll analyze the wounds and try and establish which were caused by small animals and which might have been caused by the chupacabra.

You are not letting this chupacabra thing go, are you?

I'd be skeptical if you told me that there was a venomous, egg-laying, duck-billed, beaver-tailed mammal, and yet, the platypus... it does exist. Uh...

Mr. Nigel-Murray, do you need me to take that alcohol away from you?

Oh!
(laughs)

No, don't be absurd. This is, uh, 80% ethyl alcohol.

I would most likely go blind if I were to drink this.

If... yeah, yeah. Take it away from me?

Yeah. Take the top.

Dr. Saroyan.

Sorry.

I really need you to let me apologize to you.

For my sobriety.

Fine. sh**t.

Thank you.

(clears throat)

I once went into your office, uh, when you weren't there, and I noticed that your desk drawer was open.

And I saw a stack of grocery coupons from the Sunday paper.

Okay.

Continue.

And I took some of the coupons.

I took one, it was for a soda, and I took another one for a cheese snack, and the third was for a frozen fish dinner.

Three coupons.

Yeah. I was tipsy.

I understand.

And as long as that's it, I forgive you.

(clears throat)

What?

I also told some mates from Paleontology that you and I, that we enjoyed a passionate and extremely gymnastic sexual relationship.

What? Yes. I did... it's all true.

I can't believe you did that.

I-I-I know, I know, and I am deeply, deeply sorry.

It was the hooch.

Uh... oh, forget it.

The injuries on the bones... I would like an explanation for them as soon as possible.

One that will not be met with derision.

I shouldn't have told her about the coupons.

BRENNAN: I think the victim is providing a valuable service by debunking these myths.

(men speaking angrily in Spanish)

Take a look at this. This is your proof.

El gringo es el diablo!

Oh, no, don't be angry at me.

Your priest is the one who has tricked you.

Look.

I put up a hidden camera, and this is what it recorded last night.

Your priest has rigged this statue to cry.

You know, some of these segments that Coleman recorded used hidden cameras.

He wouldn't need a camera crew.

For his exposé on the chupacabra, he might have put up cameras. They could still be there.

Exactly. I should watch this show.

You know, not all miracles are fake, Bones.

There's a reasonable explanation for all phenomenon.

You know I saw a yeti.

(laughs)

Don't be ridiculous. Yetis don't exist.

I was in Nepal.

Rangers have a secure training base there.

I was doing field exercises, about to rendezvous with my platoon, and... I saw it.

About 30, 35 feet in front of me.

You were in the snow.

In unfamiliar terrain, alone, hallucinations are common.

It was over ten feet tall.

It was huge. I looked straight in its eyes.

I pointed my r*fle at it, and it ran.

This was no hallucination. Booth, I'm sure you thought...

Okay, why don't you just trust me, here?

Why can't you just use that brilliant scientific mind of yours and at least admit that the possibility of what I'm saying here is true?

You-you're serious?

Just forget it. You know, you talk a really good game, Bones, but when it comes down to it, you're no different than people who were certain that the Sun revolved around the Earth.

That's not true.

Well, I did some readings for Nancy Reagan.

Her dog, a Cavalier King Charles spaniel, Rex... cute little thing... he had some issues with being in the public eye.

You can understand.

Sure, sure.

Well, Hobart likes you.

Thinks you have a kind and understanding face.

Hobart? Hobart.

Hello. Oh.

Hello.

Hobart looks like a very nice bird as well.

I'm here to ask you about...

Lee Coleman. I know.

Horrible man.

He has no idea how many animals he hurt by spreading those lies about me.

You were angry about that.

Well, we all were.

Uh-huh.

Well, he thought you were responsible for the dog attacking him.

(chuckling): That's nonsense.

Hadley acted on his own.

Of course.

But you were with Hadley when he att*cked.

I mean, you could've restrained him.

Well, we were taking a walk, it all happened very fast. Hello.

And he does regret the pain that he caused.

He told you that?

We communicated, yes.

Two weeks ago, when Lee Coleman was k*lled, you were also in West Virginia, weren't you?

Yes, I was seeing a client. A horse.

He felt emotionally displaced because his owners got a pony.

Well, the farmer who hired you said that you came and went on your own schedule.

What are you implying?

You're the psychic, Ms. Michaels.

I'm sure you can figure it out.

You know, your business was hurt.

You felt humiliated and ridiculed.

You wanted revenge.

I did not k*ll that dreadful man.

I was at the farm.

Ask the horse. Or the chickens.

They all saw me.

Right.

I am not crazy, Dr. Sweets. And I do want to help.

I heard that you found a goat at the m*rder scene?

If you want me to talk to him...

Nah. No, thank you. But thank you.

HOBART: Good-bye.

I'm just going to leave.

So if Coleman used a hidden camera out here, he probably would've had it aimed where the goat was tethered.

You really had to volunteer us for this, huh? Yeah!

Thought coming out to the woods would be nice, you know?

Little fresh air.

Honey, let me share something with you.

There's a human growing inside me.

Vegging on the couch and eating pints of mint-chip ice cream is all I actually want to do.

Recent studies show that mothers who gain excess weight during pregnancy make their babies more prone to childhood obesity.

Oh. That's interesting.

I read a study that says that husbands who suggest their pregnant wives are fat are far more prone to being slugged by them.

Right. Okay, then.

Cameras. Yes.

Cameras...

So I watched the segments of k*ll the Myth that Brennan sent, Uh-huh.

Coleman always seems to use the same type of camera.

It's a fixed-lens infrared surveillance camera, with a maximum focal length of 20 feet.

So then, we should just measure a 20-foot perimeter from the stake, and then start searching.

You know what I don't understand?

What's that, babe?

How come a creature whose name means "goat sucker" didn't suck the goat?

'Cause there's no such thing as a chupacabra.

Oh. This coming from the woman that believes the stars control our fates.

MONTENEGRO: Of course you're going to belittle astrology.

You're a Virgo.

Think I got something.

Well, h-how are we going to get up there?

It's just a little tree.

Hey, babe, you're going to be a father.

I don't want anything to happen to you.

Okay, but please, please be careful.

Okay.

Got it. Hold on tight.

All right, now I'm going to throw this down to you, okay? Yeah.

Got it. Um, it looks like there's some water damage, but I might be able to recover some data from the memory card. Uh-huh.

If this timestamp is correct, this was taken on the night that Lee Coleman was k*lled.

He might have recorded his own m*rder.

This is the original image of the damage done to the victim's ribs and torso.

Now here I've eliminated all injuries caused from postmortem scavenging, leaving only the wounds incurred during the initial att*ck.

What is this triangle?

That is a bite mark. Presumably the result of two upper incisors and a single lower incisor.

I'm not familiar with any animal with that configuration of teeth.

Like that.

Legend says that that is how the goat sucker drains blood from its prey.

Hodgins is analyzing the swab from the injury site.

We'll see what he comes up with that doesn't rely on legend.

I'm-I'm very very sorry.

Why? You've done more than satisfactory work.

Oh! No, no, no, no. Um...

As part of my recovery, uh, for drinking a lot, and having fun, I have to make amends.

All right. What for?

One night, I borrowed your iguana and wore it as a hat.

At a party.

Well, you must have taken care of him because I didn't see any damage.

And also I have to apologize for spreading a rumor... that you and I were lovers.

But it was nothing serious.

We were on and off.

We were just each other's sexual playthings.

And please remember that I'm apologizing for things that I did when I was besotted with drink.

(laughing)

Why are you laughing?

Just the absurdity of you and I having... (laughing) ...a sexual relationship of any kind.

I mean, your-your friends must be very gullible.

No, they're not. Not particularly.

Then they must have been inebriated and incapable of rational thought.

Stranger things have happened.

(chuckles)

I can't think of any.

I mean, I would sooner confirm that the chupacabra was the cause of this man's death.

I've been told that I'm an... I'm an excellent lover.

So... It appears that I've hurt your feelings.

No. No, no, it's-it's all part of the process, and I have to accept the consequences of my actions as part of my recovery.

Then I'm glad that I could help.

I must say that I'm impressed that you were able to get my iguana to stay on top of your head.

I'm clever with ribbons.

Here you go.

(knocking)

I'm so sorry to bother you, Agent Booth, but I really need to talk to you about Lee Coleman's m*rder.

Sure. Come on in. No problem.

Have a seat.

I started thinking that if someone k*lled Lee, I could be next.

You? Maybe I'm crazy, But before I produced Lee's show I worked with a man named Terry Bemis.

Okay, who is Terry Bemis?

He had a show on the Wilderness Network:

Seeing Is Believing.

He's probably the most famous cryptozoologist in the country.

That's very impressive, but I don't know what that means.

Cryptozoology is the study of hidden animals.

Animals whose very existence is in doubt.

Oh, right. Like the chupacabra?

Yes, sure but also various sea animals who have actually been found and confirmed.

Look, the point is that Lee got Terry booted off the Wilderness Network.

Oh, so you left crypto guy and you went with Lee.

Yes. The network wanted me to.

Terry was very angry, as you would expect.

(latches open)
He started making threats, which I didn't believe at the time.

But I did get this e-mail yesterday.

"Heard about Lee.

"Some people get what they deserve, I guess.

Wonder how things will turn out for you?"

Do you know where I can find Terry Bemis now?

Where else?

Public Access.

MONTENEGRO: This is the footage from the hidden camera we found in the tree.

My goat friend and I have been waiting here for eight hours.

The only thing we've been att*cked by are mosquitoes.

Which is strange, because if these woods are supposedly riddled with chupacabra, you would expect at least one of them to jump on the only goat within a hundred mile radius.

What he's saying makes sense, but he's really unlikable.

(chuckles): The sun's gonna be up soon, and since these creatures are supposedly nocturnal, Billy Goat Gruff and I might as well call it a night.

Nothing for us there.

That's what I thought at first, too, but check this out.

Okay, here it is.

What?

Look at the goat's ears just before Coleman shuts off the camera.

Oh, wow, he heard something.

Mm-hmm. Something Coleman didn't hear.

Can you work some sort of audio magic, see if you can pick it up?

Yeah, it's worth a try.

(static, chirping sounds)

(static, chirping sounds)

Did a GC Mass Spec on the swab results from our little triangular bite.

I expected to find saliva, but instead I got that.

"Bisphenol A, diethyl propane and amorphous silica."

What is that?

No clue, but as much as it pains me to say, it's probably not chupacabra spit.

Did you I.D. the dermis and those needles we found on the body?

Yeah, I did. The reptile scales belonged to Ctenosaura pectinata; or Mexican spiny-tailed iguana, and the needles, the needles were from a wild boar.

Are those rare?

No, not anywhere you can buy a hairbrush.

This seems to be shaping up to be nothing more than a hoax.

Don't sound so sad.

Do you really want to live in a world where chupacabras roam free?

Yes, I really do.

So, our friend the animal psychic has an alibi.

(chuckles)
Don't tell me.

She was feeding a flock of pigeons in the park, and they're all willing to testify.

Close. Counseling a horse. I was making a joke.

I know. Still, just afraid of driving off the road.

You know, great.

Anyway, the horse's owner placed her on the farm.

Oh.

I did some research.

Really?

The tracks you saw in Nepal are easily explained.

I believe they were the tracks of smaller animals widened by the afternoon sun.

I didn't see just tracks.

I saw the Abominable Snowman himself, hmm?

Hmm. He looked at me, and I looked at him.

I believe you saw what you say you saw.

But you believe it was a hallucination.

No, I believe you actually saw it.

Ah. A yeti?

No.

What you saw was Ursus arctos isabellinus.

They're usually red or sandy in color, but the one you saw was covered in ice.

A seven-foot-tall bear covered in ice?

Yes. Ursus arctos makes this sound much like a human being grunting.

You did a lot of work on this.

Yes.

I believe you saw exactly what you say you saw.

You're simply calling it by the wrong name.

Ah, thank you, Bones. I appreciate you, you know, giving me the benefit of the doubt.

You're welcome.

Okay, look, this guy has got two motives, okay.

One, revenge for getting booted to Public Access, and two, he earns a living talking about mythical animals.

Also, he'd be an expert at faking a chupacabra att*ck.

MAN: Three, two, one.

I received word this week that there was a sighting of one of the most elusive cryptids: the Bukit Timah Monkey Man, an immortal hominid that lives in the forests of Singapore.

What more proof do you need?

Well, this is a treat.

It looks like we're being joined today by one of the many celebrity guest scientist who frequently appear on Seeing Is Believing.

Forensic anthropologist Dr. Temperance Brennan is here.

Please, join me, Doctor.

Kevin, get a chair!

Should I go?

Why not? It's not like anybody's watching.

Hello.

Bup-up-up-up-up!

Hello! Welcome. Thank you.

It is always a pleasure to meet a fellow scientist.

I do not accept the premise that cryptozoology is a science.

I would point out that every major advance in the history of science was at first dismissed as fairy tale or pseudoscience.

Cryptozoologists begin with a conclusion and then work backwards to prove it.

That is not science.

That's the opposite of science.

I'm sorry, did you just come here to insult me and my work?

No, I came here because you're a suspect in the m*rder of Lee Coleman.

And we'll be right back.

So now I have to talk to a shrink?

Why, because I believe there are creatures the scientific community doesn't accept?

No, no, I think this has more to do with the e-mail you sent to Ms. Tweed.

It was an e-mail!

A piece of paper.

Not even... until it was printed.

The FBI sees it as a thr*at.

So I'm here to try and understand why you sent it.

I was angry that I lost my show.

I'm sorry. Look, I know people think I'm a little off because of my field of study.

Oh, no. I mean, I study the human mind, okay, so I can definitely confirm that there are many mysteries out there that are very difficult to explain.

Yes. Right, yes.

And you had a forum on the Wilderness Channel to educate people.

I was gonna get a publishing deal and everything.

To distribute your findings.

I could have legitimized cryptozoology.

You must have been very angry.

The son of a bitch destroyed my life and he took my producer.

I'm on a community college station now.

My show airs at 2:00 in the morning.

How would you feel?

Angry.

Mmm.

Not angry enough to k*ll someone.

I didn't k*ll him.

I didn't have to.

The chupacabra b*at me to it.

Coleman had such disdain for my work.

But I bet he believed in that creature as it was k*lling him.

The FBI's convinced that the whole att*ck was faked, that there's no such thing as a chupacabra.

There's ample literature that proves otherwise.

Is this your own self-published literature we're talking about?

It doesn't matter.

With all the media frenzy over Coleman's death, those woods are like Grand Central Station.

I'm sure the chupacabra has long since fled.

It's like the Loch Ness fiasco all over again.

Yeah, possibly.

Uh, but the forensics team is combing though all of the evidence.

So I'm sure they'll find the truth.

That's what you want, isn't it?

The truth?

So I stripped away the audio track with Coleman's voice and I amplified the background noise.

(insects trilling)

You just turned up the volume.

I could've done that.

I'm sorry. Uh, do I just say, "You look at gooey stuff all day. I could do that"?

I also used a multiband digital noise gate to remove the ambient sounds and I reconstituted the compressed information above the Nyquist frequency. Okay?

I think you've made your point, yes.

This is what we have left.

(low growling)

(snarling roar)

They both sound animal-like.

Yeah, well, the first one is.

I've identified it as the mating call of a whitetail deer.

And the second sound?

Well, I haven't cracked that one yet.

It sounds like an animal, but look at it on the EQ visualiser.

(snarling roar)

It has a recurring consistent pattern that suggests it's mechanical.

I'm gonna run it through the Jeffersonian's audio database and check for matches.

Oh! We have an audio database?

Yeah, we sure do.

It has over 35 million sounds. Check this out.

So this is an Italian man sneezing.

(man sneezes)

(chuckles)

This is the engine of an old Model T.

(engine idling)

How about an F3 tornado?

(wind whooshing)

Here's a raisin falling in milk.

(quiet splashing)

Did someone just drop a raisin into some milk?

Sorry to interrupt.

There's something that I need to show you, Dr. Saroyan.

No confessions?

I confess, no.

I sorted through the dentition of dozens of carnivorous animals, and I finally found a match to the puncture wounds on the victim's ribs.

They are consistent with the bite of a black bear.

A black bear? Yes.

And also, when I looked back at the X-rays, I noticed a uniform separation of the bones in the joints of both ankles, totally even.

And that's odd.

I also found evidence of abrasions on the tissue left on the ankles.

And look at this.

The cervical and lumbar vertebrae appear to be separated.

This is all consistent with him being hung upside down by his ankles.

Which would explain the abrasions.

Of course. His blood wasn't sucked out by some mythical creature.

(sighs heavily)
It was drained using the same method employed by hunters.

Remember that chemical compound I found in the bite mark?

Bisphenol A, diethyl propane and amorphous silica.

Dude, this isn't Jeopardy!

I finally figured out what contained those three chemicals.

Jaw Jelly.

Jaw Jelly is a one-part gel adhesive used by taxidermists to create a "wet look" in the mouths of animals they've mounted.

Are you thinking of taking up taxidermy?

No, this is relevant to the case.

I believe the bite marks to Coleman's ribs came from a taxidermied bear.

Right, so he was k*lled by a stuffed animal?

Whoever simulated this att*ck used a bear tooth to imitate the tripartite incisor pattern ascribed to a chupacabra.

And I know where we can find a stuffed bear.

It's a lot busier here than it was.

Well, it looks like a monster att*ck is what this place needed, eh?

BOOTH: Look at that.
$159 a night now.

MAN: Come on, hurry. WOMAN: Slow down.

That's a bear.

One of the bear's incisors has been removed.

I can use the corresponding incisors to confirm that the tooth used to s*ab Coleman came from this bear.

I expect nothing less.

Back again?

Yeah. Wow, business really is booming, isn't it?

Well, I hate that it came on the back of Mr. Coleman's misfortune, but I'm grateful for the guests.

Can I see your hands? My hands?

Yeah, you know, the things at the end of your arms there. Your hands.

Look at that. Rope burns.

It's what happens when you hoist animals up to drain their blood.

Isn't that right, Randy?

A psychologist?

It's my job to determine whether you're capable of murdering and mutilating a human being.

A guy would have to be crazy to do something like that, right?

What do you think?

Yeah, I guess so. I'm not crazy.

So I guess I couldn't have done it.

Our people did find Lee Coleman's epithelial cells on the rope in your supply closet.

Rope burns on your hands and vestiges of your DNA on the rope. Can you explain that?

(chuckles) I didn't k*ll him. I'm not crazy.

All right, you just said that as though you know who did k*ll him.

I did?

Yes. Do you know who k*lled him?

No. How would I?

All right.

What are you writing?

Hmm? Oh, don't worry.

I just advise the FBI.

I don't actually decide who's arrested and tried for m*rder.

So what are you telling them?

I am advising them that in my professional opinion, you're lying.

That and the rope and the skin cells... they'll probably arrest you.

You'll be needing a lawyer.

All right, thank you for your time.

Wait.

I-I didn't k*ll the guy, but I did the rest.

The rest?

Yeah, the draining of the blood, the heart.

Yes, I did that stuff.

Why?

I came across the body.

Since he was already dead, I thought if it looked like he was k*lled by the chupacabra, then he wouldn't have d*ed in vain.

You know, most people who find a corpse in the woods, they call the police.

The lodge is in debt, I was gonna lose it.

Coleman was my best chance at saving my business.

That's not crazy, is it?

Exactly how did you fake the att*ck?

Took the bear tooth and made the bite marks with it.

Spread some insecticide around to make it smell like sulfur.

And then you tore out his heart and hung him up to drain the blood?

But I didn't sh**t the guy.

Nobody said anything about sh**ting.

Well, I just meant...

Who did? Who sh*t him?

It wasn't me.

I didn't even have the heart to k*ll the goat.

Where's the b*llet?

I buried it with the heart.

Since I didn't k*ll the guy, that's not so bad, is it?

No, it's bad. It's very bad, Randy.

Very bad.

You wanted to see me?

Yeah, I want to show you something on the rope.

Oh. Oh, good.

What? You seem nervous.

Truth be told, I thought that you might be upset that I told the world I was sleeping with your wife.

Vincent, you were drunk. Come on. I understand.

Oh. Oh, wonderful.

(chuckles)
Okay, the rope.

Yeah, yeah, just take a look at the epithelial cells through the microscope. Mm-hmm.

They look no different than before to me.

Hmm. Yeah, that's-that's what I thought, too, so I was just... I was just... checking. Thanks.

Oh, no, no, you're welcome.

And you're absolutely sure that you're okay with this whole Angela business?

Do you really think I'm that petty?

No, no, of course not.

Thank you. Mm-hmm.

You are a kind and understanding man, Dr. Hodgins.

Aw...

(deep bellowing)

So this is the mating call of a whitetail deer.

And this is the first sound on the tape again.

(bellowing)

That's not a match.

'Cause it's not a real deer.

So I went back in the audio database.

This is the sound...

(bellowing)

...of a man-made deer call.

That's a match.

What about the second sound?

(engine rumbling)
A motorcycle?

Actually, it's a gas-powered four-stroke engine.

An all-terrain vehicle like the kind they had at the lodge.

So someone was out hunting.

♪ If I go out tonight ♪
♪ To keep in touch with the best of them ♪
♪ What am I giving up, trading in... ♪

She sh*t him accidentally?

Well, she actually said it was his own fault for not wearing an orange vest in the woods.

This is why I'm against hunting.

Not because of Bambi?

All right, mostly because of Bambi.

Melissa told Randy what happened, and he used it to his own advantage.

So if Coleman had just worn an orange vest, he'd still be alive, and Randy wouldn't have mutilated him to increase business.

Yep. Here's to stupidity and greed, the two elements that keep us employed.

ALL: Cheers!

All right, everyone. That was fun.

See you later, guys. Good night.

Good night. See you tomorrow.

All right, guys. All right. See you later.

Bones, at any time did you think that the chupacabra was real?

No.

Then why did you believe that I saw the yeti in Nepal?

Because what I said you saw was totally rational.

I never saw it. You see, what you did was rationally explain something that never happened.

You never saw the yeti?

Or did I?

No, you didn't.

But you... you did?

Are you trying to confuse me?

I might be.

Okay, what is your point?

That things are confusing, okay?

Just because you can explain something doesn't mean that it's explainable.

Do you mean "explicable"?

Sure, like us.

We don't make any sense at all.

Good night. Bye!