04x12 - Benefits

[bunniefuu]

Ted (2030): Children in the winter of 2009, Robin and I became roommates. And to be honest it was not really the top.

Robin eats on the couch when Ted leaves his room.

Ted: It looks good. I'll do.

Robin: There's no more milk.

Ted: I saw in the fridge.

Robin: empty.

Ted: So, throw it.

Robin: The trash can is full.

Ted: So, take out the trash.

Robin: I eat cereal.

Ted: You know, when I asked you to be my roommate, I said, "A girl, she will be careful." But no, you're an ogre Revenge of the Nerds.

Robin: You know what? Instead of coming with references typical last minute like that, you should spend some time, I dunno... washing a dish.

Ted: Damn, I can not. I'm busy leave a plate of cookies for the elf magic puts toilet paper. Wait, there's no elf. It's always me!

Robin: I always changing. You, never!

Ted: This is ridiculous!

Robin: No, I went there yesterday... Stop it! Stop it! My God, what happens? When we were a couple, we lived together and we almost went insane.

Ted: I know. It's been what?

Robin: You know what this is? We made love. Men and women need sex to live together. It resolves all disputes.

Ted: As Barney's theory on world peace?

Flashback

Ted and Barney are at McClaren's.

Barney: I explained. I said, Madeline, every international conflict essentially boils down to sexual tension.

Ted: All international conflicts?

Barney: All, man.

Ted: So, the crisis in the Middle East could be solved by...

Barney: Gaza Strippers. Next.

Ted: Apartheid?

Barney: "Apartouze". You have what?

Ted: The Cold w*r?

Barney: "Mrs. Gorbachev, removed her underwear."

End flashback

Ted: Well, I think we should love again.

Robin: Yes, of course.

Ted and Robin are in bed.

Robin: I know. It's like riding a bike, man?

Ted: Biking upside down. Well, listen. If it should happen on occasion, they say nothing to anyone. Sold.

Robin: Sold.

Marshall: Sold.

GENERIC

Marshall: You do not care what, guys? You are back together?

Ted: No. It was just love to do more fighting.

Marshall: It's a great idea. No, really. Hat guys. I saw in the future and everything works perfectly for everyone.

Robin: Why are you here anyway?

Marshall: I was working and I had to take a leap here...reading this magazine. In... the room there.

Ted: I understand. No problem.

Robin: If this is a problem. You've done all the way here to read a magazine? I am willing to bet that there is a place to read this magazine at work. You know, a room with a little man on the door?

Marshall: Well, Robin. Nobody likes reading a magazine at work. You leave your office holding a magazine...

Flashback

Marshall is at work with a magazine in hand.

Marshall:... and the magazine says one thing and no one.

Magazine: Hey everybody, look at what Marshall will do!Marshall will read an old magazine in the bathroom that you all share with him.

End flashback

Robin: Have you thought about maybe not reading a magazine when you read a magazine?

Marshall: You have to read a magazine. That's why there has magazines.

Ted: So, this is wasted time.

Marshall: Exactly. And the worst part is, this piece of my hallway door to the toilet. It's exposure to criticism.

Flashback

Marshall: It was my head.

Leader: We know exactly what you will do.

Marshall: The boss.

Bilson: Eriksen, why you do not move your office there?

Man: Donald "I think he has a Woman." My darling, if flagrant.

End flashback

Marshall: Anyway, I'd rather do it here.

Robin: No, I'm sorry. This is our house now. Marshall, you should also read a magazine. Give me your key.

Marshall: No, certainly not. Reminds me of a bargain between three parties where no one would discuss a certain event happened. An event... persuasion. This key, madam, this is my silence. Good day to you both.

He left the apartment.

Barney, Robin, Ted, Marshall and Lily are in McClaren's.

Lily: You slept together?

Marshall: Thank you, Lily.

Marshall gives the key to Robin.

Barney: You... have slept together. What are épouv...stouflant. Epouvstouflant. Well done, Ted. Bravo.

Robin: It seems more important than it is.

Ted: We talked and we realized we had some difficult months.It deserves a little fun.

Lily: No. It could ruin your friendship. When two former try the "right opportunity", someone always ends in pain.

Ted (2030): In fact, Lily was right. We talk about it later.

Robin: We will not get there, OK? Nobody will get hurt. It has established rules.

Flashback

Ted: Rule number one: purely physical relationship. There are no feelings.

Robin: This is like telling Fonzie be cool.

Ted: And since it's just physical, it was not to worry love.

Robin: You can do it watching TV!

Ted: Absolutely! Let's multitasking. Use sex to spice up the boring activities.

Robin: As folding laundry.

Ted: Paying the bills.

Robin Cook.

Ted: It's not very hygienic.

Robin: Yes, not that one.

End flashback

Robin: And now they sleep together, we argue more.

Ted: Problem solved. In fact, the credit goes to Barney. This idea just your thing on the world peace.

Robin: Yes. Thank you, Barney. You were right. Peace was established. More than once.

Barney: So, I am responsible for... Excellent. Excellent.Excellent. The next tour is for me!

It moves away from the table and Lily follows him.

Lily: Are you okay?

Barney: Yes. Why you ask?

Lily: For one thing, you cry openly.

Barney: From joy. I am so happy for them.

Lily: Barney, admit it. You always have feelings for Robin and it tortures you.

Barney: I'm going quite well. Excuse me just a minute. (He goes out into the alley behind the bar, takes a television in a trash can and throws it down. Then back to talk to Lily) I'm going quite well.

Lily: You must learn to express your feelings. Perhaps you should see a psychiatrist.

Barney: Wait. If I pay a woman $ 200 an hour to feel better, it will not discuss. And there will be both on the couch. The woman in my scenario, she is a prost*tute. Dirty, vulgar, all redone, from Eastern Europe...

Lily: I entered.

Ted: There's something liberating not to take it seriously.

Robin: Last night we did when I answered the phone.

Marshall: I knew you had not of paddler!

Barney: Wonderful, we still speak of that!

Robin: Look, it's a private thing between me and Ted.

Ted and Robin Trick private.

Robin: It is not even discuss it if Marshall could read a magazine at work.

Lily: It was always like that. You remember, in law?

Marshall: Sure.

Flashback

Lily is sitting on the couch, crying, when Marshall enters the apartment.

Marshall: Baby? What has he?

Lily: The bank statement arrived today. You have booked a hotel two blocks from your school, a Tuesday.

Marshall: That's not what you think.

Lily: It's that, Marshall? What's her name?

Marshall: Burrito. Carnitas Burrito.

End flashback

Robin: Have you booked a hotel room just to read a magazine?

Marshall: You do not want me to see if the waitress at a huge scale for this haughty tone with you? Nobody likes reading a magazine at work and they say they are not human.

Barney: Dude, I read a magazine at work every day. I will not say how many meetings where I was late because I 'was reading a magazine. " But I'm not ashamed of that. This is my moment. Sure, "magazine is read" is not sexy, but you know, this is something I have to do. Why be ashamed? Wait, "read a magazine" that's wank, right?

Ted and Robin are back at the apartment.

Ted: I think so. You still have drank all my milk!

Robin: We can make love.

Ted: OK.

Ted is the bar with Barney.

Ted: This is the ideal plan. Each time you start to yell, he lieth in place. One minute you're on the back of each other, and the one after that, well, the same thing.

Barney: Super.

Barney is in the driveway and threw a television.

Ted: This morning, she cried through the door, "You're too long in the shower! ". A second later, she joined me. There, it has not bothered me to take my time.

Barney: If great.

Again, he threw a television.

Ted: Sorry for the delay. I was typing a Scherbatsky. She used all my stamps, so in short, the postman rang twice. Should you stamp it!

Barney: It's... just... if... Excuse me one second.

He gets up and goes out into the aisle. It goes to get something in the trash but there is more.

Barney is in an appliance store.

Barney: So, plasmas are better in low light, but the LCD is best to play?

Seller: Okay, but CRTs have the deepest blacks.

Barney: So if I want a very good contrast ratio...

Seller: The deep structure of the CRT pixel resolution produces unrivaled in LCD.

Barney: I take the CRT.

He is now behind the bar and throw again on TV. He enters the bar with a smile when Lily is waiting.

Lily: Barney, it's crazy.

Barney: I'm fine, thank you.

Lily: No, it's wrong. You must learn to get it out. As we did in my kindergarten class. "The time for emotions", every Tuesday morning.

Barney: Look, maybe your kids resent their friends sleep together, but not me. I have never been better.

Marshall is at his job.

Ted (2030): Meanwhile, Marshall always drooled at work.

Magazine: Listen all, big breakfast this morning. You know what that means.

Ted (2030): Then came the best news he had heard long ago.

Woman: Are you aware? They fired everyone in the eighth.

Man: I know. This is a ghost town there.

Marshall arrived at work one floor. He goes to the bathroom.

Ted leaves his room while Robin is reading a magazine.

Ted: Hello.

Robin: Hello.

Ted: It was fun last night.

Robin: Sure, it was a good one. Personal memo: leave it lying around the pizza box more often.

Ted: Okay, see you later.

They kiss.

Ted is in McClaren's with Marshall and Barney.

Ted: Last night, Robin left a pizza box lying on the floor, so we had sex three times.

Marshall: OK.

Ted: And this morning before leaving for work... we kissed.

Marshall: Bizarre. It's weird.

Ted: What? This kiss has violated the spirit of our arrangement. She probably thinks that I have feelings for her.

Marshall: Do you have any?

Barney: Yes, I love it. That's what... It's you, man.

Ted: No. It meant nothing. It was just a reflex when we were a couple. But I did everything go wrong.

Barney: Clearly. This is the end.

Marshall: Wait. Maybe she has not found it weird.

Lily and Robin are in the apartment.

Robin: It was weird. Bizarre, weird, weird. B-I-R-A-Z-R-E.Bizarre.

Lily: That's not how it is written.

Robin: Come on, Lily. Do not your Ted.

Lily: I warned you. When ex relapse, ultimately, it hurts someone. But nobody is listening. This is the story of my life.My nice face that prevents people listen to my message.

Robin: What do I do?

At the bar...

Barney: A single solution. You must stop sleeping together, please.

At the apartment...

Robin: I think we should stop sleeping. Ted and I, it's like cigarettes. You take one into thinking it is good. And very quickly, you buy one carton per week. I must stop it.

At the bar...

Ted: I have to stop it.

Ted and Robin are at the apartment and talk.

Robin: So, you stop that, huh?

Ted: I think so.

Robin: This is for the best. It was fun, but I do not want it becoming weird.

Ted: I do not either.

Robin: Colocs?

Ted: Colocs.

Ted opens the fridge and took the empty bottle of milk. Ted and Robin are in bed.

Ted: But they say nothing to anyone. Okay?

Robin: Sold.

Marshall: Sold.

Robin: Dude!

Ted: Seriously!

At the bar...

Lily: What is your problem?

Barney (the appliance store): This one.

He throws it down.

Ted: It did not last long.

Robin: Actually, what you did not care for us? I thought you had the perfect plan.

Marshall: That was the case.

Flashback

Marshall eats with others of his job.

Marshall: Everything was going well. I felt more and more comfortable, more confident. I could conquer the world. One morning I'm in the eighth with a magazine.

He enters the bathroom and two workers arrived.

Man 1: We will demolish everything. I want that you will destroy these walls, here... and there.

Male 2: It works.

The first man goes and takes a second mass.

Marshall: The celebrities extend their clothes? I also extend my machine. (The man breaks the wall of the toilet where Marshall is located) Do not enter!

End flashback

Marshall: It did not last long.

Barney takes out the trash, when Ted returns.

Barney: Thank you.

Ted: What are you doing?

Barney: Because of your bickering roommates are always a source of conflict between you two, I wanted to help. In fact, I went to the post. I took you stamps. In about 10 000. That should be enough.

Ted: Thanks, I guess. You want a beer?

Ted opens the fridge full.

Barney: I took it in passing. It's nothing.

Ted: You have bought us a dishwasher?

Barney: It has always been there. You've been here how long?

Ted: So you take it all and you can avoid to argue, eh?

Barney: Exactly. I worry about you.

Ted: It bothers you that we sleep together, right?

Barney: Not at all. It's crazy. What?

Ted: You're in love with Robin? You're in love with Robin.That's why you not want people sleeping together.

Barney: What? You say anything. A friend can not clean the apartment of another friend like friends do?

Ted: Cite me a buddy in the story of friends who has already done that.

Barney: I give you two: Clean and gentlemen Solcarlus.

Ted: That thing between me and Robin is completely innocent.I flipperai if you tell me not feel something for her. This is the case?

Barney: No. This is not true, no. This is not true, no. No. Robin is all yours, man. Exploding yourself with it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go sleep with other girls.

Ted: Are you sure?

Barney: Yes!

Ted: Positive?

Barney: Absolutely. (Barney out of the apartment)

Barney is in the class of Lily.

Barney: And I went with a bang. Why did I do that? It comes perhaps my father issues, but... basically, I allowed my best friend to sleep with the girl of my dreams. I completely sabotaged. And now, I smoke. I smoke.

Lily: Get out of here.

Barney: But it's time and emotions I Emotive, bears sharing.Whoever Emotive, Bear's shares, can sit on the chair of the division.

Lily: Barney, you're not at your therapist. These children also have their problems, you know. Ben's parents divorced.

Ben: Really?

Lily: Who wants to do the coloring?

Barney is now in his office. Between Marshall.

Barney: Great, it's Lily who sent you? I have not the bear, OK?I will make it! Why are you smiling?

Marshall: I just... reading a magazine. Here at work.

Barney: What?

Marshall: It's the funniest thing. I was on the net, looking at hotels when I realized something.

Flashback

Marshall is on his computer.

Marshall: This is stupid.

End flashback

Marshall: I decided it was time to face my complex and do what I had to do and once that decision, everything changed.

Flashback

Marshall walks in the hallway with a magazine and coffee in hand.

Woman: That's a young man at ease in his sneakers.

Man: I know what you are about to do and I respect you for that.

Bilson: Well the road.

Magazine: You have taken a big step today. Remember Shakespeare: "Virtue is fearless and goodness, without fear."

Marshall: You're right, Super Babe Are My Woman Stop telling me Why You Are Not Famous But I stop To forget. Let's do it.

Magazine: Watch the road.

End flashback

Barney: Congratulations.

Marshall: Thank you. I would have done well at some point.Sometimes you have to... You have to say and... go there.

Barney: Marshall, I gotta go. In fact, there are toilets here, if you want to use.

Barney out of his office.

Marshall:... Species

Barney arrives at Ted's apartment.

Barney: Ted, I must tell you the truth. I love... (Robin out the trash) tacos. What are you doing?

Robin: I go step-louse. If you are looking for Ted, he was released. And... our little arrangement is... completed, by the way.

Barney: Really? That's Wife... vantable.

Robin: Epousvantable?

Barney: Yes, it is épousvantable. What has happened?

Robin: He insisted. He said "no longer able to do" if "it hurt someone." I think we all know who he is talking about.

Barney: Oh?

Robin: It's not obvious?

Barney: It is?

Robin: Yes. This is Ted. You know how it romantic. He can not separate the physical emotion. It is kind of...

Barney: I love you.

Robin: Right. It's not like you, you know? In addition, we are friends. I want to complicate matters by committing. Hanging out with friends never works. So... you want to go eat a taco?

Barney: A Taco?

Robin: You love them, right?

Barney: Just.

Robin: Come on, I'm hungry.

In McClaren's...

Ted (2030): So Robin and I have again become roommates and everything is back to normal. Your Aunt Lily was right.When two former try the "right opportunity", someone is always hurt. It was just not one of us.

The End