05x06 - Bagpipes

[bunniefuu]

Ted (2030): In autumn 2009, a new couple moved just above.We had not met but you could hear all the time. They kept... children, say they did not stop "playing the bagpipes."

Robin: This is nonsense. They are still playing the bagpipes.

Ted: I know. It's been 6 hours. That must be the fact that Stan Tantric bagpipes.

Robin: It does not stop him from screaming to play louder, but it seems that there is rather strong. I have a glass of water in my room that vibrates like Jurassic Park.

Ted: Are there neighbors! Stop the bagpipes!

GENERIC

Ted is at McLaren's, alone.

Ted (2030): I decided to go to the bar to be quiet. It was not really that.

Barney joins him.

Barney: I hate to be the one to tell you. Marshall and Lily get divorced.

Ted: Not at all.

Barney: Look what I saw yesterday.

Flashback

Barney, Marshall and Lily are in the kitchen of the latter.

Lily: Baby, you can wash it?

Marshall: No problem.

Barney: I gotta go.

End flashback

Barney: She makes her dishes right away, Ted. I give them two or three weeks maximum.

Ted: There is nothing serious. And certainly nothing serious enough that you hold my hand.

Barney: They have a big problem.

Ted: I see what happens. You, my friend, you suffer from a disease little known... "little known" because I just invented it... called Adequacy of New Relationship. Robin, you are in your honeymoon stage. Everything is perfect. The songs on the radio talking about you. Other couples are concerned. Enjoy it. The SNR does not last forever.

Barney: If, when you're great like me. Listen to this. Robin taking into account the number of beds in which we did. One is 83 and a half.

Ted: And a half?

Barney: An Ottoman 19th in an antique shop.

Marshall arrived in turn.

Marshall: What's new?

Barney: Big Tiger. You holding up? Want a hug? You mean yesterday? You're safe here.

Ted: According to Barney, Lily asking you to do your own dishes right away is a sign that your marriage falls apart.

Marshall: Why? Lily loves a clean sink so I do the dishes right away, what's the problem?

Barney: I'll tell you what's the problem. You know how I was always the best single? Now I'm the best in relationship. Even better than you and Lily.

Marshall: Look at you. You got a girlfriend for 5 minutes and you think playing in the big leagues. Adorable. Son... I'm in a relationship for your ponytail and that you were playing the guitar with Dave Matthews Mom. I am a good boyfriend when I sleep. I can do a k*ller foot massage, hand and prepare a great chamomile on the other, which would make you cry. Damn, I know more about how to make popcorn and watch movies with Sandra Bullock in that you'll ever know, but thank you to worry, blue.

Barney: Let me ask you a question.

Marshall: Go ahead.

Barney: Do you mind you, if the sink is full of dirty dishes?

Marshall: Not really.

Barney: So what is the problem of Lily, not yours.

Marshall: But if I said that, we will play, so...

Barney: You argue. Robin, we do not fight.

Ted: Of course I do.

Barney: No. And here's the secret, every time we say we're going to argue...

Flashback

Barney takes his breakfast when Robin arrives in a dressing gown.

Robin: Why is there a bag of pants marked "April 2008" in your closet?

Barney gets up and leaves his apartment, leaving Robin unanswered.

End flashback

Ted: So when you think you will play and you get up you go?

Barney: It works in 100% of cases. No fighting if you're not there.This is what Gandhi said.

Ted: This is not true.

Marshall: I can not believe Robin supports it.

Barney: Do not worry. It also has a good way to avoid arguments.

Flashback

Robin and Barney are at the apartment of the latter.

Robin: The ties go to the machine?

Barney Probably not. Why? You want what? My God, you want what?

She does not respond and unbuttons her blouse.

End flashback

Marshall: You're leaving. Robin begins to coat. I never heard anything so stupid.

Ted: Well, the thing naked is not bad. It was weird.

Marshall: Call me crazy.

Ted: Mad.

Marshall: But when you have a problem with Lily, it is discussed.

Barney: There's so much to do with the mouth. Why spoil it by talking? But if you insist, here's what I would say on the dishes if I was married to Lily.

Flash

Barney imagine the scenario. He returned to the apartment where Lily is already.

Lily: Barney, you came home!

She jumps into the arms of Barney and they kiss.

End flash

Marshall: Go to the basics!

Barney: Okay.

Flash

Barney: Thank you, doll.

Lily: Honey, you're going to wash it?

Barney: I'm glad you mention it. No. And that's why. I know you do not like dirty sinks. But do it for me to clean it? If one day I looked up the ceiling of the room and think, "Hey, I want a replica of the Sistine Chapel" is what you will paint the?

Lily: No. Of course not.

Barney: Exactly! Similarly, if you do not like having lots of dirty dishes, it's your washing.

Lily: Thank you explained that. I get confused easily.

Barney: It's because you're a woman.

Lily: I do not even know why we laugh!

Barney: Of course not.

End flash

Ted: Are you kidding me.

Marshall: Wait, Ted. Listen to the man.

Barney: Once I have his attention, it's time to get out the heavy a*tillery.

Flash

Lily and Barney are sitting on the couch.

Barney: Look, I love you. But, baby, with little energy I have left after work, I want to cover you with love, not washing dishes.

Lily: You're right. I'll do the dishes. Just after doing this.

She lowers the light and dance in a way... sexy.

Barney: Now, turn around.

End flash

Ted: You b*at him or I do it?

Marshall: He's right.

Ted: No. Marshall, look at me. Do not go into the circus of Barney Stinson, the house of mirrors and illogical logic. You got ear pierced like that in 2003.

Barney: The piercing was cool.

Marshall: It was cool, huh?

Ted: Stay with me! Barney is wrong.

Marshall: No, not at all. I hate doing the dishes right away.

Ted: You just said the opposite!

Marshall: I hate it! I hate it from the depths of my soul! I hate it! I hate it I hate it!

Barney: You're welcome.

Robin joins them.

Ted: Okay. There you are. You're gonna tell me the truth. Barney said that you did ever played.

Robin: I think that's true.

Barney: I told you.

Ted: Impossible. I love you both but you're the two biggest emotional disabilities in the history of relations. You had to play at least once.

Robin: You know what? It's true. We tried to find out which of us was most great. But it said draw and we made love. Speaking of that, I am delighted that we go skiing this weekend. I need a break. The upstairs neighbors make me crazy.

Ted: Yeah, it's ugly. I'll go talk to them.

Robin: Thank you.

Barney: Super. Here are your tasks for the weekend. Ted, you're gonna go see the neighbors. Marshall, you go see Lily. Robin and I need you for a crouched position on an animal skin in our chalet. Ready? Break!

Barney hand, followed by Robin.

Ted: Have fun.

Marshall: Barney... With his madness, his theory goes well thought might work.

Ted: I will repeat once. This is a bad idea.

Marshall: Will it work.

Ted: A second time. This is a bad idea.

Marshall: Barney argued logically. Lily is a reasonable woman. I think if I explain, understand and can go in my opinion.

Ted: No. She will be angry and you will play.

Marshall: It is a slap bet?

Ted: We bet a slap.

Marshall is in the kitchen with Lily.

Lily: Baby, you can do the dishes?

Marshall: Lily, I am delighted that you mention.

Ted opens the door to his apartment to let in Marshall with his business.

Marshall: I can stay here tonight?

Ted slaps him.

Ted: I am preparing the couch, man.

Barney and Robin join Ted and Marshall at the bar.

Robin: The ski babes are back!

Barney and Robin kissing.

Ted: How was the trip?

Barney: Okay.

Robin: We spent the weekend hugging the fireside. No black diamonds, nothing but red hearts. I'll unpack my bags.

Robin is about to leave when sending him a kiss Barney makes it to emblant to catch.

Ted: What has happened between you? When did you become disgusting?

Barney: It's not great to finally see blossomed emotionally, spiritually and sexually?

Ted: We all came out a year.

Barney: short, and your weekend?

Marshall: Terrible. And because of you! I listened to your advice stupid!

Flashback

Marshall removing the dishes in the sink.

Lily: Baby, you can do the dishes?

Marshall: Lily, I am delighted that you mention. No. And that's why... It's like, okay? You want me to get up and I wash my dishes. But maybe... I want you... combs the ceiling, right? I can say, "Yes. I will do my dishes, if you get up and you painted the ceiling of naked babies. " You see? It's just...

End flashback

Marshall: I do not know what happened. I am a lawyer. I earn my living by arguing but when it is with Lily, I'm... confused. How not to be with her eyes and her breasts?

Barney: What happened to the "I'm tired after my exhausting day and I want to use what little energy I have left to cover you with love"?

Marshall: I should have noted.

Flashback

Marshall: I'm making more money than you.

Lily: Excuse me?

Marshall: Dance for me.

End flashback

Marshall: It's so much better when you said but with me, it turned into an argument. And when we started arguing, it starts to mutate and multiply.

Flashback

Marshall: It started with the dishes but after...

Lily: So you're saying you should not do the dishes because you work harder than me.

Marshall: It's not what I say... but it's true. And suddenly, we argue as to who works the hardest.

Lily: I teach kindergarten. I shape the leaders of tomorrow.

Marshall: You eat cookies and you glue stuff. And other disputes are parties. Until there is so much we can no longer follow.

Lily: If you need to go there at night, or you turn on the light or toilet you sit.

Marshall: My mother does not hate you. It is neutral about you.I'm not afraid of your imitation of Shining. I just did not need to hear it mostly at night.

Lily: Danny is not here, Mrs. Torrance.

Marshall: Do not do that, please.

End flashback

Marshall: Dude, Lily is played badly. It is small... but as a vicious badger that your brother would have caught and starved for 5 days and placed in your sleeping bag. I should go and apologize.

Barney: You need to be angry. Dispute yourself stronger.Imagine that Marshall never have to wash dishes in all your life, all the plates are clean. Why, it would relieve any anxiety to any meal. Not having to tie your T-shirt to form a bowl of salted fortune for your pleasures. This world belongs to you, Marshall.Beach house, take it, put yourself in holiday clothes, benefits.

Marshall: He's right.

Ted: Barney's stupid ideas you have put into this mess. There is no escaping it. Make this stupid dishwasher.

Marshall: This dish is my manhood! And I want to leave my manhood deep in the dirty sink full of ketchup and pasta...

Barney: What do you eat?

Marshall: Well sh*t, it's my right! I will wipe my manhood when I'm ready!

By Marshall and Robin arrives.

Robin: Where is he was not riding? Hey, Barnstormer.

Barney: Hey, Ro-Ro.

They kiss.

Ted: You're cute nicknames? Seriously. What happens to you both?

Robin: Nothing. We're just happy.

Barney: As Gandhi said, "A smile costs nothing, baby."

Ted: I'm not sure that you know who Gandhi is.

Robin: So you talked to the neighbors?

Ted: Yeah, yeah, I did. I went up ready to put them back.

Flashback

Ted hits with his neighbors over. A man and a woman opens.

End flashback

Robin: Some old?

Ted: Really old.

Robin: So you did what?

Ted: I did not have the strength to tell them to stop, because, good for them. So I told them you want to welcome, ate a hard caramel, acquiesced to some r*cist comments and I left.

Ted (2030): The days of Barney and Robin continued to be happier than ever. (At the bar, Barney and Robin dance) and Marshall and Lily have continued to argue.

At the apartment Marshall and Lily...

Marshall: I do not care if the dishes are not done. If you do not give a damn, do it.

Lily: Super. So I do not care if you have an orgasm. If you do not give a damn, do it yourself.

Marshall: I spent 18 years without a woman does not affect me. I can do it again.

Lily: You will perhaps have to do it again.

Ted is on his couch.

Ted (2030): And I heard more than a bagpipe parade of St. Patrick.

Between Marshall.

Marshall: I do not know what to do. We never had to fight so long. It's as if I no longer existed. Sunday morning, she made a pancake, Ted. A pancake and a slice of bacon.

Ted: It's your fault. You took advice in love with Barney.

Marshall: Well, maybe Barney was all inclusive. He and Ro-Ro are the best pair now. With Lily it was dethroned.

Ted: You know, I do not believe all this stuff cute and adorable, it's not them. And I know for a fact that Robin hates nicknames.

Flashback

In 2006, Robin joined the McLaren's Ted.

Ted: Thank you, Robbie Engineering.

Robin: I do not like nicknames.

At Ted's apartment...

Ted: You're finished with the sports page, Sherbs?

Robin: Seriously, stop.

Ted is on the phone.

Ted: It's T-Mose.

Robin: I do not like with you either.

End flashback

Marshall: Apparently, she loves them now. And... come on, someone had to stop T-Mose.

Ted: T-Mose was great. I think of the show.

Marshall: The bagpipe seems different today. There was an echo.

Ted: They're probably playing the bagpipes on the shower chair.

Ted (2030): And suddenly, I found how to get the real scoop on Barney and Robin.

Barney, Robin and Ted are at McLaren's.

Barney: How will Marshall and Lily?

Robin: Those two worry me, really.

Barney: You and your big, huge heart.

Ted: Enough. The game is over.

Barney: What do you mean by that?

Robin: Who, him?

A man is sitting at their table.

Ted: It's going to come. You see, I knew it was wrong. You two were too happy, too radiant, too "surnomants". It was not right.Never disputes? Crap. You argue all... the... time.

Robin: How would you know that?

Ted: Phil told me.

Barney: Who the hell is Phil?

Ted: Your downstairs neighbor.

Man: I'm Phil. 12-B.

Ted: And it has everything... heard. So Phil told me that Ro-Ro and Barnstormer argue... a lot. Explanations?

Barney: All was going well. Our techniques dodges worked perfectly until the skiing trip last weekend.

Flashback

Barney and Robin are in a chairlift.

Barney: I found at Marshall's arguments Lily were zero then it will never have to wash another dish. Slap me in two.

Robin: It's your board that is zero.

Barney: You're on the side of Lily? You... (The chairlift stops) No. We will argue and I can not spin.

Robin: I can not undress. It's freezing here. I'll be hypothermic.

Barney: Or so I tried the jump?

Robin: Or just the pants?

Barney: This trick of dodging is over?

Robin: I think.

Barney: You have the? This is the smallest!

Robin: They fight because of you!?

End flashback

Barney: And it does not stop there. We argue non-stop since.

Robin: All the disputes that had prevented us are above benefits.The bag of panties.

Barney: The tie m*rder*d by Robin.

Robin: The hidden camera in the headboard.

Barney: As a quarterback to stay on top. Monday morning, he sits on an ice pack and are studying the tape of the match.

Robin: Barney for the millionth time...

They argue.

Ted: I knew it! I knew you were too cute and perfect!

Barney: Look, we were fed up everyone to tell us how we are no relations.

Robin: It was nice to be the ideal couple for one minute.

Ted: I knew you were lying. Get up early for the feint-T Mose.

Robin: Stop it.

At the apartment Marshall and Lily... Marshall is sitting on the couch.

Lily: Marshall, dinner is ready.

Marshall: You've done for me?

Lily: No, but what is your favorite.

It sounds and Marshall will open.

Barney: We need advice.

Ted (2030): Robin and Barney told Lily and Marshall to their disputes. And let's just say, in comparison, their quarrels dishes seemed bland.

Flashback

We see scenes of arguments between Barney and Robin.

End flashback

Ted (2030): And in the end, Lily and Marshall had the same reaction.

Marshall: I'll do the dishes directly to my death.

Lily: I do not care when you take out. But if it is made of cheese as a good ziti, do soak.

Marshall: Sure, honey.

Lily: I love you.

Marshall: I love you too.

Robin: You see? At the moment, how did you do to fix everything?

Marshall: I do not know. Sometimes you just let his ego aside.

Lily: And keep in mind that the love you have for that other person is more important than winning.

Barney and Robin laugh.

Barney: More important than winning.

Robin: Calm. Calm down. Seriously, what's the secret?

Lily: The honeymoon phase may be over, but now you can get down to business. And honestly, it's the best part.

Robin: Good night.

Barney and Robin go.

Barney: What about now?

Robin: I think we should talk about advantage and get down to business.

Barney: Or, there is a bench in the elevator.

Robin: That's better. It is not the best couple in the world, so what?

Barney: Grave. It's not a competition.

At the apartment Marshall and Lily...

Lily: We won!

Marshall: Best couple of the world!

He opens a bottle of champagne. On the couch...

Marshall: Guess what? These glasses are plastic. So you can throw them. So no dirty dishes in the sink.

Lily: You're dirty. It is you who should be in the sink.

They kiss.

Ted (2030): And once the first fight set, all the others, well, they are also regulated.

Neighbors of Ted, the luster of living aspen and a bagpipe sounds.

END