05x11 - Last Cigarette Ever

[bunniefuu]

In 2030, Ted tells his children always to the history of the encounter with their mother.

Ted (2030): Children, in 2009, your Aunt Robin was the host of "Welcome to New York." And she was released early. How soon?

The cameraman sleeps standing before his camera.

Robin: Mike? Wake up!

Ted (2030): And then everything changed.

Robin returned to the apartment where Ted played the console.

Robin: Have you seen my show?

Ted: I wanted to watch it but I was too busy sleeping with this story. It took me all night, after 8 hours of the clock.

Robin: It's not serious, but listen to this! After the show...

Flashback

Robin at work, a man approaches her.

Man: Are you Robin?

Robin: Yes.

Man: I'm Don, your new co-presenter.

Ted (2030): Don was Don Franck. A veteran of the morning shows... and a former host of 38 local programs across the country watched. This guy was a legend in the middle.

End flashback

Ted: Wow, you're going you do too.

Robin: No, I just think it will be great both on the air.

Ted: And on the couch, the bed and on the coffee table.

Robin: Ok, ok, I'll go on the roof and stay there all alone 5 minutes.

Ted: Have fun.

Ted (2030): And that's exactly what she did. She just stayed there. Okay kids, I'm a little liar with you. This is not what she did.That's what she did.

Robin: Okay, okay, I'll go smoke a cigarette.

Children of Ted: What?

Ted (2030): I promised never to tell you. But occasionally, your Aunt Robin was enjoying a cigarette. And occasionally, the occasional cigarette. Was more than just casual.

Marshall, Barney and Ted entered the apartment while Robin does his gym.

Barney: I just let something like that to my apartment.

Ted: Robin, going, going on the roof! We said no smoking in the apartment... after that you have set fire by the pumps.

Robin: Okay, very good, very good.

Marshall: Yeah Robin, I mean my God... not only is it a bad habit but... Do I have one?

Robin: Of course.

Children of Ted: What?

GENERIC

Ted (2030): Children, your Uncle Marshall would not like at all that you know that. But he also smoked from time to time.

Flashback

In 1991...

Ted (2030): It started when he was 13. During an event camping in Minnesota.

Boy: Come on Marshall, it's Christmas! This holiday feast!

Marshall: But just one. This is the first and the last cigarette of my life.

In 2006...

Ted (2030): And this was the first of many, many cigarettes last of his life.

Marshall: Okay, I'm done, I Quit!

In 2007 and 2008...

Marshall:... last cigarette... my life.

End flashback

Ted (2030): And then what I had heard many times before.

Marshall: last cigarette of my life.

Ted: What are you doing, you have not smoked in 6 months. Is it about "MacGrib"? It closed guy, forget it.

Marshall: I'm worried about work, ok? They just hired a new chief legal department... and it will turn people.

Ted: So that's why you're worried?

Barney: The new head of legal department is Hobes Arthur.

Ted: Is Arthur a*tillery? Your former leader.

Ted (2030): Arthur Hobes is the worst leaders as Marshall or anyone have had. The last time Marshall had worked for him... it ended like that.

Flashback

Marshall: I quit!

End flashback

Ted: Is it always rebounded against you?

Marshall: Worse!

Flashback

Arthur: Sorry, who are you?

Marshall: I have Marshall Eriksen. We had a pretty intense argument. As I've suggested that you take your head and you put yourself in the..., inside you. At a place that could reduce its exposure to the sun.

Arthur: Yeah, that describes 95% of my employees and my family. Except my dog. It's such a good boy. Well, I'll see you later... um Rendal Rilgurson.

Marshall: Marshall Eriksen.

Arthur: The film Gary Taker, right?

End flashback

Ted: Wow, he not remember you.

Barney: Not great, it does not matter that Arthur Hobes not like Marshall, he loves no one. It is the people he knows that he has to separate. He just fired, "What's his head? ".

Marshall: It turned 'What is his head? "Ted! And "What's his head? "Was priceless.

Ted: Look, I understand you to be upset but this is not a reason to k*ll you.

Barney: Yeah, after you turn'm doing... then you can k*ll you. As "What is his head? ". Now I think it is, where is his head?

Marshall: Look, it's just two cigarettes. Ok, I can collect 2. As it is not 3 within 24hrs I replongerai yet.

Ted: What will Lily say when you learn that you smoked?

Marshall: Lily did not discover. I have a system.

Ted (2030): Oh, yes, the system of Marshall.

Flashback

He smokes and then wash thoroughly and put the perfume.

Marshall: Well, Lil '!

Lily: You got smoked!

Marshall: Damn!

End flashback

Ted (2030): The next morning, your Aunt Robin was finally launched. She finally went on air with a real pro.

Mike: In 3... 2... 1...

Robin: Hello, I'm Robin Scherbatsky!

Don: And I'm Don... Frank! Two teenagers were arrested yesterday for stealing a police truck. No, I'm sorry not a cart, a police car. Damn! Brain fart! You with me? Oh, look at the teleprompter is still running. Something about a woman giving birth... on a bus. Well, we will not resume in the middle, we'll wait until the end. And, she cut the cord with a metro ticket. We come back! And it's good!

Robin: But what was that? Don, you said Pet brain!

Don: Robin, you're a bit like a nice kid but this is my 39th local newspaper. And all this time I learned three things: prevention of all sushi restaurants at will before work. Do not go to the bathroom while you're still on the air. And 3: at this time, all your audience... it's a guy who is half drunk and in his underwear.

Mike: Back in 5... 4...

Robin: Well, let a good program for what is half drunk.

Don: The guy in half drunk thank you.

He gets up... without pants.

Ted (2030): The next day, Marshall was so crave a cigarette it made him mad. So he decided to take a little air.

Marshall out on the roof where his boss is already there.

Arthur: Oh, no! You're not here to jump, does not it? I have turned many people today... and I would not do another jump ruin my record. Oh, cigarettes?

Marshall: No, no thank you!

Arthur: Too bad! Geoffrey you know why I miss? We used to smoke. People are now replaceable. But you share a cigarette with someone and you have a real link.

Marshall: You know what? I'll take one.

Arthur: Ok!

Marshall: Marshall I am aware. It was Marshall, Marshall Eriksen.

Arthur: Tell me something Marshall Eriksen. Would you like to see a photo of the cutest dogs in the world? Good boy!

Marshall and Lily goes home is on the couch to read.

Marshall: Hey!

Lily: You got smoked!

Marshall: Yes, I smoked! And it was my third day. You know what that means? I'm a smoker now. Everything is ruined. I bought a packet coming back, and a lighter... and a Viking lamp that has nothing to do, but I saw in the window and I liked it.

Lily: Damn Marshall. It has four lamps and Viking smoking kills.

Marshall: It was to create a link with my boss, you should have seen me up there.

Flashback

Marshall: It's a beautiful dog. And it is your children?

Chief: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hey, hey, look what I got at the supermarket! (He shows his t-shirt under his shirt) he is! There he is! Go ahead, pet him now! Yeah, go! He loves it. Caress her chin!

End flashback

Lily: I do not care about your reasons, you know what I think of smoking. Now give me the cigarettes! And the lighter. (Lily lights a cigarette) Aaah, that thing!

Children of Ted: What!

Ted (2030): Oh yes, add your aunt Lily in the list! While your Uncle Marshall has relapsed, your aunt Lily has been trained with him.

Robin is at work.

Don: What are you doing?

Robin: You should know that I tried to contact the town hall so we could get the mayor on the show.

Don: My God, you are adorable. The mayor does not come in emissions that no one is watching. My colonoscopy was more viewership. It was well twisted I admit.

Robin: I do not know why you act like that. Maybe you've never had a better job offer, but I still can, so I really want to focus.

Don: I've already spent on the cable.

Robin: You're already past the cable?

Don: It was the best weekend of my life. When you do the newspaper, you're sitting on ergonomic seats, you feel like sitting on a cloud, which was good also because it was just after my colonoscopy. And the locker room, wow.

Mike: There are changing rooms?

Don: Oh yes there was the break, Mike. We will not change in the toilets of KFC on the other side of the street. Oh no. It was heaven. But once you get used to, they will not care at the door to find someone who is not undergoing divorce, or who is not addicted to gin. And before you know it, you find yourself in a dead end, surrounded by people who are going nowhere in their careers, making these programs in their underwear.

Robin: ok, the trick underwear was your choice. And I would not keep that going.

Don: You are beautiful guys. It's comfortable eh?

Lily, Marshall and Robin were in the street and smoke.

Robin: I want to k*ll him, of course people watching this show.You look at her. My God, you still have not seen the program.

Lily: We saw.

Robin: Really? What color is the decor?

Marshall: It's black, or silver.

Robin: Not your TV, the decor of my show. If my best friends do not watch, will watch it...

Marshall: A lot of people... Bedrin the insomniac, who portrays Blongs front of department stores. People to the emergency room where the TV is in a cage, and you can not change channels.

Robin: You have film crews?

Ted is with McLaren's Barney.

Ted: I can not believe they're smoking outside, it's really cold.

Barney: Do you remember when you could smoke in bars?

Flashback

The bar is filled with smoke.

Ted: I think there's a pretty girl smiling at me there.

Barney: Hey, this is a chair, but go ahead and drag it.

Ted: Guys?

Marshall: Marco?

Ted and Barney: Polo!

End flashback

Ted: Our group is divided into smokers and nonsmokers, and it's great.

Barney: You're right. Going for a smoke.

Children of Ted: What?

Ted (2030): Yes, I'm not proud.

Robin: Hey you two, smoking, like us.

Barney: I'm not a smoker. I do not smoke on certain occasions.After sex, when I'm with German, sometimes both at the same time. During sex, for birthdays, to annoy my mother, just before sex, on a sailboat. The day the mentor MC mailly eliminated each year, and of course... wait, because God knows it's true: fear of pregnancy.

Ted: And why you smoke there?

Barney: I'm always on the verge of sleep Ted.

Lily: Maybe that smoking is not so bad, at least it is outdoors.

Barney: And my abs muscle nicotine. I... am... muscular.

Ted (2030): As glamorous as it might be, we all cracked after one week.

Marshall and Lily sleeps coughing.

Marshall: It's alright, darling?

Lily, with a deep voice: Actually, my throat is a little dry.

Ted climbs stairs and three packets later, he is totally out of breath. Barney discovers a cigarette hole in his tie.

Marshall and on the roof with his boss.

Arthur: So I teased him a little with the newspaper like that, and my wife said, you can not treat your son as well. Michael calls for help.

It falls on the roof.

Marshall: Yes, right away, and me is Marshall.

Ted, Barney, Lily and Marshall are on the roof of the apartment to smoke.

Barney: My God, I hope that Arthur is well. I reserve her office in case.

Ted: We must stop smoking.

Lily, with a deep voice: Baby, you said it was going.

Marshall: I would never have started. I finally revisit in 13 years, if I could go back. (Young Marshall went camping with a buddy and they smoke. Older Marshall arrives and pat the hand of young Marshall to drop the cigarette. It gives him a punch in the stomach) I hate that little bastard.

Lily: Me too.

Ted: Ok it's good, we stop.

Marshall: Yes, we stop.

Marshall, Lily and Ted put out the cigarette. Only Barney keeps his.

Barney: I'm proud of you guys. I heard how it was difficult to stop smoking for as you, then the part of non-smokers, I tell you hat, so give me your cigarettes and I rid, one at a time.

Lily: You stop my chick. (She removes the cigarette from his hands) I know I did not call you chick normally, but it does with that voice. Chick.

Robin: Guys, I wonder, you also are interviewing the mayor tomorrow, or it just me? Don was in the teeth, while I'm smoking a. Lighter Marshall.

Marshall: Actually, we all decided to stop.

Robin: Fantastic, I was fed up that you piquiez me my smokes constantly.

Ted: Robin, we must do together.

Robin: No.

Lily: You can sleep with Marshall.

Marshall: Lily God, no.

Lily: Sorry darling, that's for the team.

Robin: I do not want to have sex with Marshall.

Marshall: Sure.

Robin: I can not stop now, not before the most important interview of my life. It's too stressful.

Barney: It's too stressful!

Marshall: Just one.

Lily: Give a cigarette!

Ted: Damn Robin, think about it a moment, Blue Bug is the mayor anti cigarette. You really want to go to the interview smelling cigarettes? It's like interviewing a feeling the vegetarian steak.

Marshall: Really, it's hard enough like that?

Ted: You stop! It all stops.

Robin: Ok, I stop.

Ted: We should just spend the first 24 hours after a piece of cake.

26 hours later... Lily, Marshall, Ted and Barney are at the bar and the table is filled with food.

Lily: Barney stops eating your fingers.

Barney: I do not bite my nails, I try to suck the rest of nicotine on my fingers.

Ted: Marshall pass me your plate.

Marshall: What, you're a dinosaur?

Barney: What do cigarettes now? You believe they think of us?

Ted: Dude, if you do not stop moving your feet, I'll tear it off.

Marshall: Oh Ted, I'm sorry, maybe I should move closer to your ass!

Ted: Ok we'll do it now!

Ted (2030): Nobody knew why we fight. We just knew we wanted to smoke more than anything. It was not great for Robin either.

Don, who arrive without pants: Sorry I'm late. Someone used the microwave, and I got stuck in the elevator. What are you doing?

Robin Don, seriously, not tonight. I'm on my nerves, because I had quit smoking for the interview the mayor.

Don: Oh my little princess porcelain, why would you do that?

Robin: Why? Because it is important to Don, the issue is important and my career. Not like you, you incompetent. You're boring, you are bad, and I want you to work at least as hard as the elastic of your underwear.

Don: I begin to believe that it becomes personal.

Robin: No gift, it would become personal if I told you that just because you pass emission issue, it's because you're losing. A loser lazy and obnoxious.

Don: The mayor canceled.

Mike: 5... 4... 3... 2...

Robin: Hello, this is Robin Scherbatsky.

Don: You think I'm a loser? You're right, I'm a but at least I accept it.

Robin: A raccoon has bitten a patient in a nursing home.

Don: I was like you at first, I always wanted more, and I had nothing. This is a dead Robin, you'll never be a superstar of television. Since you never stop smoking.

Robin: What are you doing?

Don: I like my cigarette. Oh that's good. Want a latte?

Robin: You can be professional?

Don: Yes professional, you know who holds the camera? A chair, even the cameraman is not looking our show and that's why the mayor has canceled. And Mike went to fast food, and that you and I can enjoy a cigarette here.

Robin: No thank you.

Don: Why? Because there are millions of viewers? If viewers are problems with this, call us at the number on the screen: 212-555-0192. Go robin, appreciate life a little. (She takes the cigarette when the phone rings) It must be Mike, he always forgets to take them into extra-crunchy.

Marshall: Robin, do not smoke this cigarette.

Robin: Marshall?

Marshall: They look at you all, we are all impressed and if you smoke this cigarette, we shall return it to us too.

Robin: You watch the show?

Lily: Yes sweetie, and you are very pretty.

Robin: Oh guys.

Ted: You do not have to do that, you do not need to smoke.

Lily: Resists sweetie!

Robin: Thanks for calling friends.

She puts the cigarette in the cup of Don and it ignites.

Marshall: She did!

Ted: Good for her.

Lily: We will not smoke.

Barney: I have a hiding on the roof.

They get up and go on the roof. Robin arrives.

Barney: Oh, I woke up and I smoke. Robin, you know how it's dangerous to wake a smoker sleeps.

Robin: I bought a packet on the way home.

Marshall: Robin Good show.

Lily: And this guy So what con.

Robin: He ended up apologizing.

Lily: When he got up, the forms were more revealing, you should go out with him.

Robin: We believe in it all.

Ted (2030): They went out together three months later. But we will come back.

Ted: Well look, the sun rises.

Robin: You know it's the perfect time there. For one last cigarette. The real last.

Barney: Come on, let's do it.

Marshall: The last three.

Ted: A...

Lily:... two...

Robin:... three.

Ted (2030): We all stopped for a while after that. But this was not the last, even though we ended up really stop. Robin was arrested in June 2013. Barney in March 2017. Lily stopped from the moment she wanted to get pregnant. Marshall stopped when it was Dad. And my last two weeks before I met your mother, and I did most affected.

Marshall will see Marshall in his young day camping with her boyfriend. Buddy runs away when he saw Marshall get older.

Marshall: Sorry to have hit my friend. I want to redeem myself by giving you this.

Young Marshall: Wow, she's pretty.

Marshall: Well one day you will marry her.

Marshall Young: For real?

Marshall: Yes, lucky.

Marshall Young: Bluntly. I'll be in my tent.

Marshall: Oh no, no do not do that. Have fun for me.

END