02x13 - Blooptorious

[bunniefuu]

Tell me a secret.

A secret?

Anything.

Okay... Well... oh.

Sometimes, I put mustard on my pizza.

Stop it.

It's true.

You maniac.

So, playing "andre" on Victorious... Is it a challenge?

Well, y'know, sometimes it can definitely be...

Let's take a look at some of your bloopers.

I'm sorry?

Your bloopers.

The times where you were acting, but failed hilariously.

Sure, we can do that.

I wasn't asking for your permission.

Let's have a look.

Okay, people.

Find us an s and h... hold up.

If we find?

Okay, people.

We find us an s and an h and we got us a private con... ke...

Concert.

Almost had it.

Okay, people.

We find us an s and h and we got us a private...

Now see, the pressure's on.

Never been with a girl like you every dream - oh. What?

We're all going to come down to set and watch... - let's hold.

We're all going to come down to set and watch... ooh!

I wasn't even ready for it.

Hey...

And cut.

I'm not supposed to talk there.

... The studio, um.

Nah... really.

I k*lled you dog. I k*lled you.

Oh, I feel that in my soul.

Marvelous. Apple juice?

No, thanks.

You don't care for juiced apples?

Not right now. I'm good.

So, tell me more about Victorious.

I actually remember this one time when I was doin'

a scene with Victoria and ariana, and we had just...

You know, I'm even more excited to chat with our next guest.

She plays a most unique type of nasty girl on Victorious.

I recall the first time I met Elizabeth...

It was at our final audition, and she asked me if I could point her toward the ladies' loo.

Prior to that, I had the good fortune of seeing her perform on Broadway in the musical thirteen.

Now, she plays Jade west... a wicked thorn in the shapely ribs of Tori Vega.

I give you, Elizabeth, or dare I say, Liz gillies.

Thank you for that sweet introduction.

If you were a bottle of shampoo, what would be your fragrance?

My...My fragrance?

Yes, in perfect world you smell like what?

Uhhhhh... I dunno... Maybe like a combo of like vanilla and mint?

Wrong.

Wrong?

You would smell of lilac and roasted nuts.

Uh, okay... That sounds pretty cool, too.

Let's talk about socks.

Socks?

Should socks be more like gloves, with small sleeves into which each toe could be inserted?

Uh, no, not really.

I think normal socks work pretty well.

Shall we view your bloopers?

Oh. Okay. Yeah, sure.

Do you have them here, like, cued up?

Yes, view them with me by gazing at this high definition monitor.

Sure.

You know you can't sing here.

Why would we want to?

I forgot. I remember now.

I got to take care of Trina.

You wanna stay here and... you wanna stay here and help k...

I'm so sorry.

You wanna stay here and h... oh my gosh.

Can I just see the line?

I'm really sorry.

I feel awful right now.

I'm really... I'm so sorry.

Well, now maybe you know what it feels like to have someone plan something and then you... and then someone ruins it.

Hold.

Okay.

It's a tongue twister.

I swear.

They're bent!

They've lost their sizz!

Oh my God!

What are you doing?!

Ahh! Oh my God.

Well, Liz, it seems that even a professional actress such as yourself occasionally flubs her dialogue.

Y'know, I think the whole cast of Victorious is usually pretty good about knowing their lines, but sometimes for whatever reason... -
now let's meet someone really interesting.

He plays the dashing yet boyishly charming young actor on Victorious.

He was born in Canada, but soon escaped and came to America where he pursued his dream of becoming a champion in the mixed martial arts.

But after being brutally beaten dozens of times, he decided to try his hand at acting, and promptly landed the role of Beck oliver on Victorious.

I welcome him. Avan jogia.

Great to be here.

Well, well, in light of your good looks, I dare say I'm being outhandsomed right about now.

I kid, I kid.

So, avan, what kind of last name is jogia?

Uh, that's actually a really interesting story.

It certainly was.

Tell me this... If you could only have one superpower, would you choo the ability to fly or to ride a bicycle?

Well, um... I already know how to ride a bike.

Then you've made your choice.

Well, actually, I didn't choose, uh... - I'm going to show the audience your bloopers.

What?

Your bloopers.

Oh, from Victorious?

Well, I don't mean your bloopers from the bathtub.

Please, just try not to speak.

Now let's have a look.

Good evening.

We're from hollywood... sorry.

Sorry.

She didn't get you anything for your birthday?

She got me the last lemonade.

Can of lemon.

I'm not following your cool guy logic.

Girls like guys who ride... what's my line?

So I hear some of you guys are going to cancun.

No?

I hear... - Yerba.

Yerba.

Yeah. One more time.

Where's the ice cream?

Yeah.

Didn't you get some more?

No. Check out... k... check... Where's the ice cream?

Yeah.

Didn't you get some more?

Nope.

Check out ch-ke$ha's latest update.

Last update.

I'm so sorry.

It's okay. I got this.

If I can only stand straight in these heels.

Well. You certainly screw up a lot.

Apple juice?

No, thanks.

Talk to me about acting.

Oh, um you know as an actor no matter how much you uh prepare you never... Who's ready to meet someone truly special?

For this next young lady is as hilarious as she is effervescent.

With her sparkling red hair you can practically spot this girl from a heelio-copter.

Her character on Victorious is whimsical and, often, a bit lacking in the old noggin.

But in real life she's as sharp as a shih tzu, and bursting with talent.

I speak of the delightful, red-headed... Ariana Grande.

Uh, I'm sorry.

I'm not ariana Grande.

Clearly.

Would you please get ariana?

Well... they... They just told me I was next.

Ariana's still getting ready.

Well, then, I suppose we'll just wait for her.

Um, while we're waiting maybe you'd like to interview me?

All right.

This is vanilla bonet.

Daniella monet.

Yes, she portrays Trina on Victorious.

Yep, I play Trina, who's Tori's older sister...

Tell me about ariana.

Uh, well, ariana's a lot of fun to work with because she's either like... - question...

Okay.

Do you ever sit up in your bedroom at night and think to yourself, "wouldn't it be grand if I, daniella monet, were actually ariana Grande?"

No. I'm very happy being me.

Really?

Yeah.

Uh, listen maybe we should just take a look at my bloopers from Victorious.

Well, I suppose that's as good a way to k*ll time as any.

Off we go.

From now on, I'm calling this city, "she-cago!"

I just spit.

I know.

I should've kept going, but it was just drool, you know.

No, no, no. Seriously.

I'll sing or dance.

Or I could just stand on the froat... float. Like right in front.

And just... sorry. I tried to keep going.

Fazzini boots.

Got 'em at symone's on sale.

Oh!

Oh!

Sorry.

I mean I'm not going to stop.

Hi, can I get a five o'clock appointment for a flip...

So listen, I'm totally going to win... sorry.

I tried to, but then he called the flight attendant, who called the sky Marshall.

And then they escorted me out of class.

If you're done with it, put your garbage... - hey! Hey kid!

Stop kicking my seat!

I don't know how I can say, "so" to that.

That... my total bad.

You just got called out by a nine-year old.

Well... Why don't we go to commercial?

But don't stray, for in just a moment, I'll be back with far more compelling stars from Victorious, including ariana Grande, Matt Bennett, and the incomparable Victoria justice.

And we're back.

We are back, are we not?

We are, sir.

Excellent.

So far we've met several of the wonderful actors who bring Victorious to life.

And now, the time has come to meet one of my favorites, and I'm sure, one of yours, too.

I give you the incomparable, red-velvety ariana Grande.

Hi, Christopher.

Hi, indeed.

My, what a fetching dress.

Is that an original kris dangl?

Um, yes it is.

Mmmm.

And how much did that cost?

I really don't know.

C'mon. Like a thousand?

Was it a thousand dollars?

I don't think it cost nearly that much.

Yes, of course it did.

Apple juice?

No, thanks.

So stupid.

So you also come from a Broadway theater background?

Yeah, I was in the original Broadway cast of thirteen the musical, with Liz gillies.

Curly fries or straight?

Well, I really like waffle fries.

Did I mention waffle fries?!

But I thought this... - I didn't ask you what you thought!

I asked if you liked Curly fries or straight and then you ruined my evening!

Forgive me.

It's okay.

I'm been having some personal issues.

I totally understand.

So, shall we take a look at your Victorious bloopers?

Sure.

Here we are...

Jay David take one.

Look at the new costume I made.

I'm li... I mean... I was about to say I'm little bo peep.

I almost told them. I'm sorry.

What?

I forgot everything.

And cut.

I was going to say don't tell anyone.

Me, Andre, Robbie, Beck, and Cat.

Whoa. I'm Cat.

Oh yeah, and then Jade will get to play your role.

Part. Part.

Part.

Oh yeah, and then Jade will get to play your role.

Part.

Oh my God.

Oh yeah, and then Jade will get to play your role.

Part.

I'm gonna kick myself. Okay.

Oh, and then Jade will get to play your role.

Part!

Can I do it again?

And cut it.

Oh my.

Contrary to what many people think, my next guest is not Andy Samberg.

One can know that simply by looking at his paycheck.

Nevertheless, the actor you're about to meet is multi-talented.

He's not only a master at comedy, but also plays guitar and can give any harmonica a fierce blow.

Now, here he is.

An awkward young man who's certainly "had a hand"

in my own success.

Matthew Bennett.

How ya doin'?

Quite well, quite well.

So, I suppose this is the first time the audience is seeing the two of us together, yet "separate", as it were.

Yepty-doo!

Please don't say that.

It irritates me in ways I can't understand.

Sorry.

Yes, now, on Victorious, my character, Rex, is often rude and insulting to your character, Robbie.

No. Yes. Yeah.

But in real life, Matthew and I are fast friends.

Uh, no. In real life, you're also very mean.

Oh stop.

No, you are.

Well, if I am, it's only because you're an idiot.

I see.

What is your favorite snack, idiot?

Uhhh... popcorn!

Duhhh! Popcorn! Derrrrrr.

You don't have to mock me.

Don't I, Matthew?

Seriously, don't I?

Could we just watch my bloopers?

Let's give it a peek.

Your life will be a disappointment.

Cut!

That's not the line, is it?

Beck will be playing a guy from england whose accent...

Thank you for welcoming us into your fine home, but don't forget to thank yourself.

Because without you, none of this would be possible.

Without you, something, dreams, America.

Let me try that line again.

Yes.

Thanks for welcoming us into your fine home, but don't forget to thank yourself.

Because if you just believe in your dreams, then you can make the world come true.

Cut.

All right, it's starting to get hot in here.

Slap that... no!

No! No! No!

Hold.

Rock and roll. I got slimed.

From around here or, yeah.

Oops.

Well, you are a mess.

Uh, that last one wasn't me.

Yes, it was.

No, it was Mikey reid.

He plays sinjin.

Oh, what's the difference?

Uh, he's not me.

Please go.

Well, now my next guest is no stranger to anyone with eyes or nostrils.

She can turn the world on with her smile.

She can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it seem like a delicious crab salad.

People of the world and Wisconsin, I give you the pusillanimous miss Victoria justice.

Hello!

Good heavens you're gorgeous.

Oh c'mon, Christopher.

Look at those glorious little cheek bones.

Stop! You're embarrassing me.

Yes, I'm a bad boy, aren't I?

Apple juice?

Yeah, thanks! I'd love some.

I'm sorry, this is the last of it.

Um, ok.

You played "lola"

on Zoey 101.

I did.

I never watched it!

Oh, well, it was a good show.

If you were a fruit, would you want to be sliced, or juiced?

I dunno... juiced?

Of course!

Finally, someone who gets it.

Now, I'm going to say a word and then you say the first word that comes in to your beautiful feminine head.

Ok, sounds fun!

I'm in love with you.

Uh...I thought you were going to say a word and then...

I'm not joking.

I'm deadly serious.

I think about you day and night.

Look I'm not really looking to date anyone right now.

I'm not suggesting we date.

I'm talking about the two of us spending our lives together.

Well...

Don't toy with my affections!

Aren't you married?

Yes.

Someone call my lawyer, I'm done with my wife.

I'm trading up!

Hey!

Yes? Yes, my sweet?

Forget it!

Of course.

I've embarrassed myself.

Yeah, a little!

I can't believe I didn't edit this out.

But I might feel better if you were to kiss me!

Stop.

You mean go?

No!

You mean yes?

I'm serious!

You're joking?

Dude!

All right.

Shall we take a look at your bloopers?

Yeah.

Then let us pivot our heads.

Hold!

Sorry.

I couldn't turn around. Sorry.

Hit it, muchacha.

Suddenly my choice is clear clear clear clear - no. I...I c...

Now I'm amused.

Trina has been dying for these.

I had to go... listen.

And if I don't... I...

Let's do that again.

I spoke a different language.

Awesome.

Hold!

Okay.

Should I walk in again?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

This show is over.

I thank you all for joining me in this behind-the-scenelolook into the inner workings of the television show, Victorious.

And now, as you might hear my alter-ego, Rex, say on the show... "I'm spiked out and I handle my bidness."

Goodnight.