10x10 - Amelia Porter

[bunniefuu]

♪ O lord, remember me ♪
♪ remember me ♪
♪ O lord, remember me ♪
♪ when these chains get broken ♪
♪ set my body free ♪
♪ O lord, remember me ♪
♪ O remember me ♪
♪ days get long, I call your name ♪
♪ I call your name ♪

You need to get up.

♪ Days get long, I call your name ♪

What happened?

Where's Andy?

You don't remember?

I remember an accident?

Andy didn't make it.

♪ O lord, remember me ♪
♪ remember me ♪
♪ when these chains get broken ♪
♪ set my body free ♪
♪ O lord, remember me ♪
♪ remember me ♪
♪ days get long, I call your name ♪
♪ I call your name ♪
♪ days get long, I call your name ♪
♪ I call your name ♪
♪ days get long ♪
♪ teach me right from wrong ♪
♪ O lord, I call your name ♪
♪ I call your name ♪
♪ when these chains are broken ♪
♪ set my spirit free ♪
♪ O lord, remember me ♪
♪ mm mm mm ♪

I don't get it.

Why didn't you say anything?

It didn't come up.

Hello. We're not talking about switching to decaf.

You and Beth broke up.

Dave-- I have a 20-year-old bottle of scotch we could have drowned your sorrows in.

It wasn't like that. She got an offer to run a major gallery in Hong Kong, she asked my advice, I told her she should accept.

So you encouraged her to spread her wings and fly.

My exact words were I didn't want her to have any regrets.

There was that time you took Jack on that impromptu weekend to Orlando.

Was that to tell him about Beth?

It was an effort to distract him, yeah.

You're an excellent dad, Aaron.

Don't you ever doubt that for a second.

So what's your social life been like in the meantime?

No, I don't really have time to meet anyone.

We're kind of busy here.

Well, what about online dating?

Really?

Bad idea.

Look, there's, um, this little jazz club in Dupont Circle I planned on going to Saturday night.

No, no, no. You're coming with me.

This isn't just about you, Aaron.

I'm, shall we say, intrigued by the in-house jazz singer there, and you will be my wingman.

Can't wait.

Ok, crime fighters, we have a triple homicide in Salt Lake City, Utah. A couple, Ron and Karen Myerson were found sh*t to death in their home 4 hours ago.

Several hours before that, a security guard was found stabbed to death at a small office building.

And let me guess-- the g*n used to sh**t the couple belonged to the security guard.

Get your mug out 'cause coffee is for closers.

No sign of a break-in or forced entry.

Maybe the couple knew the unsub.

This could be personal.

That could mean that the couple were his intended targets.

But it wouldn't have taken him hours to get to their house.

What was he doing in the meantime?

Watching the couple, conducting surveillance, or he encountered them earlier and was torturing them.

But the M.E. and the police both say there was no evidence they were held for any length of time.

One thing is clear. Both crime scenes look chaotic.

This unsub is disorganized.

The chaos could mean that this unsub is either psychotic or under some time pressure. And improvising.

And if he can't decompress, he may feel k*lling's his only option.

We may be looking at a spree.

Wheels up in 30.

Hey, hurry up!

You can put that away.

I told you I'd help you.

Come on, let's go.

Listen.

You need to calm down.

You did not have to k*ll that couple or that security guard.

You were leaving a trail of bodies because you can't keep it together.

Shut up.

Get in.

Look, you might as well just draw a road map for the cops.

Have you ever looked death in the eye?

'Cause I have.

And I've seen the grim reaper staring right back at me.

We should wait till it's dark before we leave.

And if you don't want another body, we need food and water for Rebecca.

♪ Criminal Minds 10x09 ♪
Amelia Porter
Original Air Date on December 10, 2014

♪ ♪

Reid: "Remove my sin and I will be clean.

Wash me and I will be whiter than snow."

Psalm 51.

Assuming the kills are personal, what do we know about Ron and Karen Myerson.

Both in their 40s. Ron was the manager of a sports bar, Karen a dental assistant.

They had some financial problems. Maxed out 4 credit cards.

Ron took out a payday loan last week.

They were living on the brink.

Ron's been to Reno 4 times in the last few months.

He may have a gambling problem, but if he owes someone money, does that make this a hit?

But would a professional k*ller m*rder a security guard for a w*apon?

Well, based on the disorganization of the kills, I for one would not be surprised if this was a crime of passion.

Yes, sir.

Agent Hotchner?

Thanks for coming out.

This is Agent Jareau.

Hi, how are you?

We've increased patrols on the south side of the city since you said a spree k*ller may be at work.

Any activity since the killings?

No, but we just spoke to a friend of the couple who was at a marriage counseling retreat with them.

The wife wasn't feeling well, so they went home a day early.

Maybe they surprised the unsub.

Who reported the crime?

The neighbor from across the street.

Did he hear anything last night?

Only the sound of a car backfiring around 2 a.m.

It could have been g*nshots.

All right, I'll let the others know.

Good.

Rossi: This neighborhood's not exactly a high traffic area.

There's no surveillance cameras.

But they have an armed guard.

What kind of place needs privacy and security?

Well, it's mainly attorneys, accountants, psychologists.

Maybe they were worried about unstable patients and clients.

Rossi, look at this.

Those have to be the unsub's bloody shoe prints.

Yeah, but there's two sets.

Well, the guard didn't make it far from his desk.

[Camera clicking]

Those can't be his.

It looks like that second set of prints stayed out there by the edge.

Maybe he was just a witness.

The unsub could have been surprised by someone else in the lobby.

Maybe he kidnapped the witness.

But a possibility is it was a partner.

It would make it a hell of a lot easier to overtake an armed guard.

Even without gambling problems, I can see how they maxed out 4 credit cards.

This couple likes nice things.

Something valuable could have been stolen and the police wouldn't necessarily know.

State of the art. We should check their insurance list.

The couple was found over here.

They were both sh*t in the chest.

[Sound of g*nshots]

Which means the unsub was standing right about here.

He came in from the backyard.

Well, talk about a bad gopher problem.

These holes were dug recently. Look at the dirt.

What were they digging for, buried treasure?

Why would the Myersons bury anything in their yard, judging by the safe in their house?

So it had to be the unsub.

Came looking for something, got surprised when they came home early.

k*lled them, and then based on what JJ said, spent another hour trying to find what he was looking for.

How did he know there was something buried back here?

We've been saying this crime felt personal.

What if the unsub used to live here?

We should have Garcia pull a list of prior residents.

The unsub either has either a partner or a hostage with him, most likely male based on the prints.

Go ahead, Garcia.

[Cell phone rings]

I did a search of previous owners of 23 Cherry Lane, aka, the Myerson home, and before they lived there, it was owned by professor Harold Mason.

He was there for 7 years, bought it from the bank who repossessed it from Amelia Porter, a notorious k*ller in the state.

I remember that name.

She was a 30-year-old woman.

She and her much younger lover got high on dr*gs and r*ped and m*rder*d his sister.

I think her name was Miriam.

The younger lover was Benton Farland, 17 at the time, convicted of m*rder for the crime, but Amelia fled the scene. She wasn't found.

Hotch: Where's Farland now?

Uh, he served 12 years at Utah state prison.

And he was released two days ago.

He's gotta be our unsub.

Thanks, Garcia.

Here.

You did the right thing.

I don't think she would have lasted much longer.

What?

I just can't believe how much she looks like Miriam.

My mom.

I didn't k*ll her, you know.

I mean, I was there.

I should have stopped Amelia, but I didn't k*ll her.

You're a liar!

Becca.

I got blamed 'cause Amelia ran away.

But I didn't do it.

I loved Miriam.

She was everything to me.

We don't remember her that much.

We were both pretty young.

Well, I'm sorry about that.

I'm sorry that you don't even have memories.

So where are we gonna hide?

Come on, think about it.

You need a place where you're safe and you can come up with a plan.

I don't know.

Ok. Look, I have a buddy who has a cabin in the mountains not far from Park City.

Your buddy has a cabin?

His parents do. It's like a vacation house.

They only use it a few times out of the year.

The rest of the time it's empty.

We'll go there tonight.

All right, copy that, Rossi. We'll go talk to Benton's father.

This is awful. Miriam, the sister, was a 29-year-old single mom of two young kids when when was k*lled.

How did Benton only serve 12 years for such a heinous crime?

Well, it was a combination of his age and willingness to testify against Amelia Porter.

Ultimately the jury felt he was a sensitive boy who was unduly influenced by an older dominant woman.

How did Amelia manage to escape?

She fled into the wilderness. Her father was a survivalist, so she learned outdoor skills from him.

Has anyone seen her since then?

That's a good question.

[Ring]

Garcia's the name, 411's the game.

Hey, mama, any confirmed sightings of Amelia Porter uh... in the last 12 years?

Yeah. One 10 years ago.

Oh. And one 5 years ago.

Both in Canada. One in Vancouver, the latest one in the northern territories.

But when authorities got there, she was nowhere to be found.

The Northwest Territories are hard to get to and therefore an easy place to hide.

Assuming Benton has a male partner with him, does he have any old friends here he could have reconnected with?

Uh-uh. When he was a teen, he was a total loner.

That's probably the reason why Amelia Porter was able to get him under her thumb so good.

All right, we need to look for connections he may have had in jail.

Heads up, guys, I got a real bad feeling about this.

Clear!

JJ: Clear.

Morgan: Guys, over here.

The victim is Benton's father, Oren Farland.

You know, this could have been the first k*ll, the one that triggered the others.

Oren lived here with his grandchildren, Andy and Rebecca.

The grandchildren are missing.

Are these the kids of the sister who got m*rder*d?

Yeah.

So what was he after coming out here?

Think about it. Benton was 17 when he went to prison.

Imagine you're incarcerated for 12 years and have just been released.

Where do you go?

Home.

Reid: You have $40 left after buying a bus ticket with your prison release money.

You have no skills to help you survive in the real world, no friends, nowhere to turn but family.

Who knows how they'll feel about seeing you again, but, really, what choice do you have?

Looks like someone was entertaining.

I think it was the kids.

Thanks for the lemonade.

Yeah, sure.

Grandpa's just out buying some groceries. So...

Yeah, you said.

So, is old Mr. Litvak still teaching English lit?

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Man, that guy was a ball-buster.

But I practically memorized "MacBeth" because of him.

"Will all great Neptune's ocean wash this blood clean from my hand?"

[Door opens]

Where are you guys?

I could use a little help unloading the groceries.

Hi, Dad.

The kids sat here.

Oren sat at the head of the table, which means Benton sat right there.

Benton wasn't sitting very close to Oren, which means he wasn't exactly welcome.

Then why invite him to stay?

Probably to appease him, so he'd go away peacefully and leave them alone.

That obviously didn't happen.

So what went wrong?

I just want to say thank you for letting me stay for dinner.

Eat up.

Then go.

Dad, if you'd just give me a second--

I don't have any children left.

If you'd just let me explain something.

I'm not interested.

Dr. Pelman said that if we don't forgive, we'll never heal and move on.

Is that the B.S. I pay that quack therapist to tell you?

"Then you will remember your evil ways and your deeds that were not good. And you will loathe yourselves in your own sight for your iniquities and your abominations."

You show up like a bad penny to quote scripture to me?

I have repented.

And I would k*ll myself right now if it would bring Miriam back.

Maybe it will.

You should give it a try.

I know you'll never forgive me.

But I'm your own flesh and blood.

Don't you have any feelings for me at all?

The feeling I have for you for you is...

I'd like to gut you for being the vile bastard that you are!

Andy: Grandpa! Stop!

Reid: Oren couldn't contain is anger.

He stood up, threatened Benton, who then stabbed him with the steak Kn*fe.

I think I know what happened to the kids.

Aah! Ohh!

Ohh!

No! No!

No, no, no! No, let her go!

You saw what he was gonna do.

He was trying to k*ll me. I had no choice!

That's what we're gonna tell the cops.

No, no cops!

They will never believe it.

I just got out of prison. They'll throw me back in there for life!

Ok. Look, we won't call them.

I got a better idea. You're both coming with me.

Benton probably took the kids as an insurance policy.

After he m*rder*d his father, he knew the police wouldn't believe him, so he had to go on the run.

[Cell phone rings]

Hey, what you got, baby girl?

I've confirmed it wasn't a random thing that Benton Farland showed up at that office where the security guard was k*lled, because Andy Farland has a therapist named Dr. Pelman who works there.

How long was Andy in therapy?

Uh, 3 years. He was having trouble in school.

That's not a surprise given his mother was m*rder*d by his Uncle.

Garcia, did Andy have any contact with Benton when he was in prison?

Uh-huh. Unfortunately, yes.

All of it the last two years. He visited him twice, wrote him 3 letters.

Contact with Benton may have humanized him.

Instead of fearing him, Andy might actually have empathy for him.

If you behave...

I promise I won't hurt you.

Do you believe me?

Do you believe me?

You know, when I was little, a teacher told me that I was snake-bitten.

You know what that means?

I attract bad luck.

Everything I touch turns to garbage.

But it's not my fault.

I'm jinxed.

Nothing ever goes my way.

You found the money, though, right?

In the backyard?

Yeah.

I found the money.

[Siren]

Crap. What do I do?

Pull over.

License and registration.

Yeah. Is there a problem, officer?

Police radio: We have a 10-57 with multiple injuries on Route 6 near Hawthorne. All units in the area please report.

Copy that. Victor 5 on the way.

10-4, Victor 5.

Your tail light is out. I'm letting you off with a warning, but get it fixed.

Sure thing.

Maybe you kids are my lucky charm.

We know that after his prison release, Benton Farland went home and m*rder*d his father in an improvised way. He then fled with his niece and nephew. He needed a w*apon, so he k*lled an armed security guard. He then went over to the Myerson house to dig up money that was buried there. He sh*t the couple when they surprised him.

He's in an extreme state of mind. He believes that his only choices are fight or flight.

Kate: He's looking for any way he can to escape, which makes him highly unpredictable.

JJ: He's armed and dangerous and he's already k*lled 4 victims.

Aah!

Reid: Benton is most likely traveling in his father's automobile.

It's a 1993 gold Volvo, license plate number 631 ZFG.

We believe he's with his niece and nephew, Andy and Rebecca.

Andy could be trying to help his Uncle, but Rebecca is most certainly a hostage.

Or it could be that Andy is simply trying to protect his sister.

You need to increase patrols on major roads leading out of the city.

We cannot emphasize enough how volatile this situation is.

One wrong move could result in more deaths.

Whose is that?

You said you wouldn't hurt me, so let me go.

There's hardly anyone around here. I swear, I won't go to the cops.

But you said-- I can't do that.

Enough!

I'm not going to leave a 16-year-old girl alone on the side of the road.

That would be breaking my promise.

[Accelerating]

Andy!

[Fires]

Aah!

Oh, my God.

Are you ok?

Ohh!

[Fires]

[Indistinct gospel song]

Ok, I know Amelia Porter had survival skills, but she must be some sort of a criminal mastermind to have just vanished without a trace for all these years.

Maybe she has a new version of Benton helping here.

He wasn't her first young stud.

According to her cousin's statement, she dated several younger men before Benton, all in their early 20s.

Benton was the youngest of the bunch.

Makes sense. Younger men were easier to seduce and control.

The Farland car was just found.

It was involved in a crash.

It's amazing Andy survived, considering how lethal Benton has been.

He's either incredibly lucky or he was allowed to live.

Hopefully we'll be able to get some answers from him soon.

No cell phone or I.D. In the woman's purse.

What do you think? She another hostage?

It's too many people for Benton to control.

I think she was a good Samaritan that stopped to help with the crash, Benton k*lled her and took her car.

We searched a 100-yard perimeter. There's no sign of Rebecca Farland.

So there's a good chance he has her and that she's still alive.

If that's the case, what's he holding her for?

Andy. Agents Callahan and Morgan, FBI.

Where's Rebecca?

We're looking for her.

Can you tell us who sh*t you?

Benton Farland.

My Uncle.

He didn't have his seatbelt on, and I crashed the car on purpose.

He figured out I was trying to k*ll him.

Were you helping him before that?

No. No, I was just pretending, to protect my sister.

But you have to find her.

Please, he's gonna k*ll her.

We're doing everything we can, but right now we need you to help us.

Where would he take her?

Um, I told him about my friend's vacation cabin.

We were headed there before the crash.

What's the address?

It's the yellow house at the end of Canyon Ridge Lane.

Please, you have to hurry.

She's gonna say something to set him off.

[Indistinct gospel song]

All right, thanks.

Morgan and Kate just left the cabin. No sign of anyone.

They should have been there by now.

If it was Andy's suggestion to go there, Benton probably changed his plan after Andy betrayed him.

We just found a b*rned-out car about 50 miles away on Route 190.

Her DMV photo matches the good Samaritan.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

I'm tired.

And cold.

Where are we going, anyway?

I just want to know when we can rest.

We've been walking for hours, and my foot hurts.

When we get there, you'll know.

My mom used to say that.

Well, she got it from our mom.

There's no way you could have remembered that.

You were too young.

But I do remember.

And I remember when I was little and you used to put me on your shoulders so that I could touch the star on our Christmas tree.

Yeah, I did do that.

How stupid do you think I am?

What?

I--I don't-- this trying to bond with me and build rapport isn't going to work.

It's the same crap your brother pulled.

You sh*t him, didn't you?

You told me that Andy d*ed in the accident, but you sh*t him!

It's all coming back to me now.

He tried to k*ll me...

And I had to pay him back.

It's only fair... don't you think?

When someone betrays you.

We should check the...

Yes, sir.

The good new is, there don't seem to be any human remains inside.

Rossi: Any idea why he stopped here?

No, we're pretty far from anything.

Hotch: Any hiking trails nearby that you know of, Detective?

Not any major ones.

Hey, Hotch, take a look at this.

These treads look remarkably like those from Benton's shoes.

What's off in that direction?

The summit trail in about 10 miles.

That branches into other paths that lead down into a valley.

Rossi: Any residents in the valley?

There's a smattering of small farms and houses.

Benton came here on purpose.

He has a destination in mind.

If it's not a prison connection, it might be someplace he remembered from his childhood.

I'll follow up with Garcia.

I haven't betrayed you.

I haven't done anything to hurt you.

Look, I know it sounds like I'm trying to play you by saying that I don't think you're a bad guy, but I really believe it.

You have a heart. You're just snake-bitten like you said.

That I am.

If you let me go, I swear, I won't tell anyone where you are.

Here's what I think.

You haven't betrayed me yet, but the first chance you get...

You will.

That's not true.

I think it is.

But just remember, I always get my payback.

Man: Mornin'!

Hey.

Careful up ahead. It looks like part of the path got washed out with the last storm.

Ok, well, thanks for the warning.

Honey, you look blue as a Popsicle.

Didn't you bring your jacket?

You know, I told her to, but, teenagers, right?

[Laughs]

Ain't that the truth.

Have we met before?

You look so familiar.

Um...

No, I don't think so.

Well, you must remind me of one of my daughter's classmates.

All right, thanks for the heads-up.

Yeah. Have a good 'un.

Mm-hmm.

Andy said his Uncle never mentioned a jailhouse connection.

Thank you so much.

I just spoke to the prison warden.

Benton managed to stay a loner behind bars.

He never affiliated with any groups or made friends with other prisoners.

That's not easy to do for 12 years.

Most people have an instinct for a social connection.

Maybe he had one.

Detective: I'm not following.

Well, he didn't need any social connections when he was in prison because he already had one.

Amelia Porter.

Except she's somewhere in Canada sleeping among the moose and bears.

People also have a natural instinct to return home.

Yeah, and Benton did.

Yeah, maybe Amelia came home.

I'm going to have Garcia look for women in their 40s who appeared in the area in the last 5 years with little or no history before that.

Two hikers in the mountains may have spotted the suspect and his niece about 30 minutes ago.

Where are we?

Whose house is this?

What the hell are you doing here?

Hi, Amelia.

Ok, I searched a 50-mile radius of where the good samaritan's car was b*rned and I found not one, but two women who match the criteria we're looking for.

The first is Jane Appleby. She's lived in the area for 5 years.

She's an organic farmer. I got nothing on her prior to 2009.

And the other?

Uh, that would be Natasha Banks.

She's from Winnipeg, Canada. She's lived there for 4 years.

But when I look her up past 2009, I can't find anything.

All right, Dave, you, Kate, and Reid go to Jane Appleby's house.

The rest of us will take Natasha Banks.

How did you find me?

You were always prepared for a disaster.

I never forgot the old survival plan.

That was my plan. You were never a part of it.

Then you shouldn't have gotten drunk and told me about it.

Who's this?

You don't recognize her?

It's Rebecca, Miriam's daughter.

Doesn't she look just like her mother?

Oh, my God.

You're sick.

Did you kidnap her?

Did I kidnap you?

No.

See?

We like each other.

What do you want?

Can't you guess?

You know, something's been bothering me.

If Benton always intended to meet Amelia after his release, why did he go home first?

Good question. It wasn't just to take revenge on dad.

It wasn't until after he was on the run that he went to Amelia Porter's old house. Like he was improvising.

Ok, here's a radical thought.

What if Amelia wasn't the dominant one?

What if it was really Benton?

The prosecutors called her a femme fatale, always dating younger men.

It could have been that she herself was immature.

Her parents described her as shy and naive.

Only Benton called her manipulative.

She never k*lled anyone before or after Miriam as far as we know.

What's interesting is Amelia was 30 back then, and his sister was almost the same age at 29.

Benton was always attracted to older women.

The fantasy of raping and k*lling the sister could have been his.

When Benton testified, he said that when his mother d*ed when he was 9, Miriam became his entire world.

He could've been obsessed with her.

But Miriam was 21 with a life of her own.

If she was absent a lot, that would've fueled both desire and rage in him.

Ohh!

[Slap]

12 years!

I spent 12 years in that hellhole while you got off Scot-free.

Stop it!

Just stop it!

I think that's enough payback.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

But you deserved it.

It doesn't mean I don't love you.

[Moans]

The other reason I'm here and the reason why I brought Rebecca, is so that we could relive the most exciting moment in our lives.

Doesn't that sound like fun?

No! No!

I admit, she's a little young for my taste, but she looks so much like Miriam, doesn't she?

Go ahead.

Do it. You know you want to.

You can't make me this time.

Make you?

Oh, Amelia, stop lying to yourself.

You loved it.

It was glorious.

I was high. I was out of my mind seeing things.

You touched God in that moment.

We m*rder*d your sister.

FBI!

Drop the w*apon!

You're not taking me with you.

He's crazy. He tried to force me to hurt her.

[Sobbing]

This coming from the woman who k*lled Miriam?

You are a madman.

And you're a fugitive from the law.

We've been looking for you for 12 years, Amelia.

Amelia: It was him. It was always him.

Why did you run?

Who would believe me?

Who would believe me over a 17-year-old boy?

Put the g*n down. Amelia's the one we want.

She's the one we're after, and you led us to her.

Your nephew Andy explained how everything happened, Benton.

We know none of this was your fault.

He's alive?

He's in the hospital.

[Sobbing]

Thank God.

Let her go, Benton.

[Gasping]

♪ O, lord, remember me ♪
♪ remember me ♪
♪ O lord, remember me ♪
♪ remember me ♪
♪ when these chains get broken ♪
♪ set my body free ♪
♪ O lord, remember me ♪

Kate: "The soul that has conceived one wickedness can nurse no good thereafter."

Sophocles.

♪ ...I call your name ♪
♪ I call your name ♪
♪ days get long, I call your name ♪
♪ I call your name ♪
♪ days get long ♪
♪ can't see right from wrong ♪
♪ O lord, I call your name ♪
♪ I call your name... ♪

[Jazz playing]

♪ You know you want it, baby ♪
♪ and, oh, you really do ♪
♪ ah, you know you can't resist me ♪
♪ so, come on baby, kiss me ♪

Isn't she great?

She's great. You could do worse.

So, when are you going to introduce yourself?

Ah, I don't know, Aaron. I'm not gonna plan, I'm just gonna go with the flow and see what opportunities arise.

And I suggest you do the same.

I'm here, aren't I?

Yes. That's a great start.

Hello.

Um, thanks for the bottle of champagne.

Bartender told me you sent it.

So much for being a secret admirer.

[Chuckles]

I'm Celine Destin.

This is my friend Audrey Hansen.

David Rossi, and my friend Aaron Hotchner.

Hi. How do you do? Nice to meet you.

Hi.

Hi, how are you?

Strong, silent types.

Intelligent.

Honest eyes.

So you're not politicians.

[Both laugh]

FBI.

Wow. You two could be profilers.

Well, Audrey practically is.

I mean, she's in marketing.

She just moved here from San Diego.

Then welcome to our fair city.

And would you ladies care to join us?

I'll be off at 10:00, though.

Then I'll be waiting.

All right.

If you don't mind...

I'm going to amble up to the bar for another drink, but, Audrey, please, have a seat.

And, um, my friend is known to be an excellent tour guide.

Sorry.

[Laughs]

Let me guess.

Wingman?

Wingwoman?

Mm. More like the sidekick who can't carry a tune.

♪ The best upper sets do it ♪
♪ Lituanians and letts do it ♪

So is he a heartbreaker?

Well, full disclosure, he has been married 3 times, but...He's a solid as they come and he's learning.

Well, good. That's good.

And her?

If he treats her right, she's a dream.

So tell me something.

Are you really an excellent tour guide?

[Chuckles]

I've been told I'm pretty good.

Yeah.

Oh.

You don't say.

[Both laugh]

So if you were to take me on a tour, where would we go?

Well, most people would start with the obvious, the monuments, but there's some lesser-known places that are very nice.

Um, I like the Folger Shakespeare library.

The, uh, Moongate Garden at the Smithsonian is really beautiful, especially at sunset.

I've got a few things up my sleeve.

[Celine's song ends]