03x13 - Act Naturally

[bunniefuu]

You broke up with Scooter?

You were right. He's a jerk.

Sometimes I think I never should have let you go.

We should go out sometime.

We're renting a house!

No, we're not. We're buying a house.

It's just a few days' work, right?

No, we're looking at a top-to-bottomer here.

We need to talk about where we're gonna live 'cause Duke said that the remodel is going to take two months.

You thought I was gonna propose?

I told him I was fine with waiting.

So, you're not?

You are the love of my life.

Do you know for sure if I am the love of your life?

(sighs)

Hey, good morning.

Ugh! It was for half a second.

Then I opened my eyes and remembered that I'm back in Lavon's carriage house.

Lavon's rent-free carriage house.

You agreed it makes sense.

And all the money we save on the B and B, we invest in our house and our future. Besides, you wanted to be here for Lavon in his time of need.

That was nice of me.

Just, being back here feels so lame, like moving in with your mother after you graduate college.

Hey! That happens, all right?

It's not easy for a 22-year-old to earn a living with a degree in comparative literature.

Anyway, I know something that might distract you.

Oh! Uh-uh! Nope.

Come on, please? Come on.

Your birthday's in two days! - No!

You really don't want a party?

Well, what gave you that clue?

The 47 times I vetoed it last week?

No, I told you, every birthday...

"Only brings you that much closer to death." I know.

I know.

Yes. And as a doctor, I oppose all things... that bring anyone closer to death.

Besides, all my birthdays have been disasters.

They've been less about what I want and more about what my mother wants for me.

Think of all the things you have to celebrate: a new house, a newfound family, amazing boyfriend who has to be a world-class thrower of birthday parties.

I promise you'll have a great time. Please? Please?

Please...?

Oh, fine!

But no trick candles that don't blow out.

Deal.

Mm.

(door opens)

Wade: All right, all right, break it up!

Get a room.

(laughs)

This is our room!

Lavon sent us to get y'all for breakfast.

Next time, we'll knock.

Oh.

(door closes)

(sighs, groans)

I really hope those renovations are done fast.

Oh, thank you so much for my breakup pie!

It's exactly what I need to get on my feet.

Oh, no! I totally forgot to make you a breakup pie!

No, Crickett, it's fine.

I'm up to my ears in meringue.

Well, let me just say how great you look.

Everyone is in awe of how you are handling this.

You are a shining example of how to conduct oneself when a relationship crumbles.

(chuckles wryly): What do you need?

Could you maybe come to the Belle meeting tomorrow?

You do recall I'm no longer a Belle?

Rejoin. I'll fast-track you.

Please?!

Ever since I almost bankrupted them, those ladies are out for blood.

I need an ally!

You need a distraction!

Win-win.

I'm sorry, Crickett.

I'm just not in a social, or a Belle... or a helping-out kind of place right now.

Please understand.

Fine.

But promise me, when you see my head rolling through town square, you will return it to Stanley.

Mm-hmm.

Well, this is cozy.

You know, there really aren't enough seats for all of us.

So Joel and I will just go to the Rammer Jammer.

I actually own the Rammer Jammer, so we'll go.

Nobody leaves!

I need my friends.

Time of need?

And look at all this food.

It is a lot of food, even for you.

I figured you'd be hungry.

I cooked a lot, too, when my husband and I separated.

It's good. It's good to stay busy when you're, you know...

Lonely, sad, pathetic?

Lavon, just know that time heals all wounds... and rebound sex.

And that's my boyfriend, folks.

Mm-hmm. Come here.

As much as I'd like to stay and watch my ex stick his tongue down my newly-found cousin's throat, I have to get to work.

Call me if you need anything.

Bye.

Bye. - Mwah!

Okay, people, attention.

We are at DEFCON 1 for birthday planning.

Zoe finally agreed to have a party!

Zoe hates birthdays.

Zoe's not a fan of birthdays.

I know, but I'm very persuasive.

All right, now, Lavon, I hate to ask on such short notice, but...

You want to know if you could have it here.

I'm not gonna be the most jovial host, but, yeah, sure.

Yes!

What can I do?

Uh, decorations, playlist, and invite the Wilkes.

Maybe not that judgey Aunt Winifred, but all the rest.

All right! I gotta go do the invites!

Okay.

Hey, maybe you could invite your dad to the party.

I'd love to meet him.

Oh, uh... yeah.

Well, you know, he's-he's busy that night.

Working.

He's, uh, working a lot of nights.

Oh, yeah, he's a hard worker.

Sometimes he passes out from working so hard.

Wade: Yeah.

Okay.

Splash of two-percent like you said, Mr. Tucker, Esquire, sir.

(chuckles) "George" will work just fine, Tom.

I'm not sure it expresses my gratitude for the opportunity.

You see, you saved me from a super demeaning career that involved my removing clothes and accepting dollar bills as payment, which was...

Right. Let's just, let's just try and start our day of business.

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

Breakfast delivery!

A Ms. Truitt is here for you, sir!

Little late on that, Tom, but we'll work on it.

Hey.

Hey.

To what do I owe this surprise?

I have been thinking about that kiss that we had, that very excellent kiss.

And I know afterward, I said I wanted to take it slow, but I'm thinking maybe it's time we moved this thing along.

So I would like to ask you to dinner... and dessert.

Are you sure?

This really something you want to argue about?

No, ma'am.

How's Saturday night sound?

You're on.

Okay.

Hey, A.B.!

How are you doing?

Great!

Oh, you have some powdered sugar...

Oh. Right here?

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Did I get it?

Yep.

Ah, yeah, we just had waffles this morning at Lavon... Sorry.

We just live there now, so we, Joel and I, went by there before...

Zoe, you don't have to apologize for seeing Lavon or eating at Lavon's.

(text alert sounds)

Or having your birthday party at Lavon's.

Just got the invitation.

That's weird for you.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Just that you've been handling all of this so well.

We figured that it would be fine.

But I'm just gonna have Joel change it. It's no problem.

No, no, it's fine.

I can handle it.

Okay.

Crickett, you're right.

I could use a distraction.

I'll see you at the meeting.

Oh, what is going on in here?

Okay, okay, get off!

Who is it?

Scooter McGreevy?

Greetings and peace, George!

Okay, yeah, that's enough of that.

Scooter, what the hell is going on?

And what the hell is with this getup?

George, I've had an epiphany.

I just got back from a walkabout in Bhutan.

Three weeks, the Himalayas, no shoes, and I discovered that I have been an absolute ogre of a human being.

I could have saved you that entire trip.

I hear your anger, bro, and I get it.

But I am changing, metamorphosing, if you will.

Trying to heal the world.

I quit my job with Mayor Gainey.

I took a gig with GreenWorld International in Mobile.

Oh. You? Defending the environment?

It's not gonna defend itself, now, is it?

Okay, you'll understand me when I say that this sounds like a truckload of complete crap.

I get it, Tucker.

Change is hard to accept.

Just do me a favor.

Don't tell Tansy you saw me.

I'm not ready to face her yet.

I want to be full butterfly before we re-meet.

Yeah, don't worry about that at all.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna do my best to forget all of this, okay?

Good feelings and harmony, man.

Yeah.

Hey! Great news!

Everybody's coming to the party.

Half the town, the entire Wilkes family.

I have to admit, I'm looking forward to it.

I promise you, this is a birthday that you'll never forget.

Candace: Hello?! Anyone home?

Holy crap.

Hell no. Joel, tell me you didn't invite my...

Mom!

Hi!

Hello.

I can't believe this!

What are you doing here?

Well, I waited for an invitation to Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas-- never came.

So I figured I wouldn't let a lack of invitation keep me from my only child's birthday.

Joel, the South seems to be treating you well.

Yep.

Except, no, you can't get away with not shaving.

Good note.

I'm guessing that Zoe steamrolled you into ignoring her big day, am I right?

Actually, no, I was just planning...

On ignoring it!

Like I said.

No, I am taking the two of you to dinner.

Don't worry, small, no fuss.

No candles that don't blow out. Fun?

Fun!

Great. I'm gonna go check into the B and B, and I'll be right back to catch up!

What is happening?

Why didn't you tell her about the party?

Because you're canceling it!

What?! Why?

My mother and I just managed to put the past behind us, okay?

To build a relationship out of trust and honesty.

You haven't told her about the Wilkes.

Yep.

Oy.

Yep.

(car horn honks)

(seagulls calling)

Did you cancel it?

Uh, the Internet is spotty here, and I didn't want to leave a message for Lavon last night.

You mean that you were hoping I'd change my mind overnight.

Yes! You can't keep this a secret forever.

Yes, I can.

I purposely live 1,000 miles away from my mother.

A distance at which painful truths, like replacing her with my biological family, need never be spoken.

It's very complicated being you.

Thank you for noticing.

Now, will you please cancel the party?

Mom!

Morning.

Hi.

Well, I hope that you got some rest.

We have lots of things to do today.

Thought we'd, uh, kick things off by taking a tour of the house.

The house that you both bought.

Of course. No, I'd love to see it.

Well, I'll see you ladies later.

I have some fun to dismantle.

(clears throat)

Is he okay?

Oh, you know writers, always cranky about something.

Huh.

Wade: Hey, there, Mrs. Doc.

I didn't know you were in town.

Oh, Mom, you remember Wade.

(grunts)

Yeah, I, uh, I think she remembers.

Ooh.

(laughter)

Oh, you guys, this is too much.

Just a token of our appreciation for your return.

Okay, who's ready to start the meeting?

Elodie: We are thrilled to have you back.

You were missed.

Terribly so.

Annabeth: Oh, oh, my goodness.

(gavel banging)

Okay, thank you.

Okay, ladies, I believe someone who looks a lot like me said the meeting was starting.

We have priorities.

Priorities?

You mean like not bankrupting us?

Sadie: Or moving up Belle events to pay our charter?

Elodie: Or being unorganized?

Or having terrible people skills?

Annabeth: Ladies, you know what? Let's focus on the important things.

I mean, have you heard that the Mobile Marigolds have stolen our idea for a pink tea for breast cancer awareness?

Then how are we gonna retaliate?

A blue tea for prostate cancer.

Yes.

Yes!

(mouthing)

Okay, go double on the peppered prawns and-and the sweet potato tarts.

Yeah, all right, thank you, thank you.

(phone beeps)

Oh, there he is! Ha.

The man that brought me back to life.

Wow, you, uh, you really...

You really went all out here.

(chuckles) Yeah.

Um...

But we should talk, because, um, see, Zoe's mom...

Well, it's the least I could do.

I mean, truth is, this is exactly the kick in the pants I needed.

You know, I mean, this time yesterday, my house felt like a tomb, but today, look around.

(chuckles)

It is filled with joy, Joel.

Joy!

(chuckles)

A-And streamers.

Oh, yeah.

Uh, what was it you wanted to talk about?

(sighs, laughs)

So, this will be the living room, dining room, games room, home gym.

Plans are still in progress.

Hey, you just missed the po'boy truck.

Earl, you're working on my house?

Candace: Your insurance will not cover that.

I drop by every now and then to consult.

Make sure my future daughter-in-law is getting her money's worth.

How's it going, sister wife?

Earl, you know that Wade and I are no longer together, right?

Candace: And that even if they were, it wouldn't make me your sister wife.

I don't understand what either one of you is saying.

Although you look real pretty saying it.

I bought this house with Joel, my new boyfriend.

Been together a while.

You've probably seen us walking around town.

You mean the-the guy with the glasses?

He carries that man purse?

I thought he was your brother.

We hold hands. We kiss.

Well, I figured you were real close.

Wade must be crushed.

Wade is fine, I assure you.

I think I better be getting home.

(sighs)

I think this po'boy is kicking back on me.

George: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

You-you watch that show, too?

Are you kidding me?

I have seen every episode of Don Todd's Monster Golf Safari twice.

The one in the Sahara where he sinks the putt...

Oh, when he's surrounded by all those scorpions.

Yeah.

I-I think that's my favorite episode.

Absolutely, actually.

I... Oh, God.

(George sighs)

Scott?

Is that you?

Tansy, I wasn't ready for you to see me yet.

Really?

That's why you're standing in the middle of town with a giant white sign on you.

Do you know the conditions that these poor animals suffer for our whims?

I had to come when I realized.

Since when do you care about animals?

Since you, Tansy.

Your compassion for animals, for the environment, for humans in need, it must have sunk in.

When I lost you, I took a hard look at my life.

I've made a lot of mistakes and now I'm trying to right them.

Okay, she's not falling for any of this nonsense, (clears throat) okay, Scooter?

We got to get moving, so...

Of course, but, Tansy, I hope that one day you can forgive me and know that I am trying so hard to be a better man.

(groans)

Please tell me you're not buying into that phony.

I mean, it's-it's Scooter McGreevy.

(chuckles) Right.

It's just... Right.

(sighs) Do you mind if we call it a night?

I've got this bit of a headache.

Sure, sure, sure.

I-I'll take you home.

(chuckles)

Zoe: I have already found some very promising tips online on how to get rid of that smell in the garage.

You hate the house, don't you?

No, no, I...

I love the house.

Okay, so then why are you all like...

(sighs)

The house, Joel, forgotten holiday invites.

You're setting down roots here, building a future, and I can't help but feel that there isn't a place for me in it.

You're shutting me out.

What? No.

No shutting out.

We're celebrating my birthday together, right?

Joel: Candace, did you enjoy your day?

The house is great, isn't it?

Zoe, quick sidebar.

I'm so sorry.

Sure.

Why not just shut me out of the conversation, too?

Okay.

Please tell me you cancelled the party?

Uh, no.

I'm sorry. I tried to pull the plug, but Lavon has gone all out on that party.

(groaning) He told me it is literally the only thing bringing him joy right now.

If we cancel, I swear he's gonna feed himself to Burt Reynolds.

Well, my mother is having a meltdown about not being a part of my life, okay?

She can't go to the party and meet the Wilkes.

It'll wreck her.

Yeah, well...

(chuckles)

Well, someone's gonna have to get wrecked, okay?

Because you have a birthday party and a birthday dinner, and you can't be in two places at once.

You're not Mrs. Doubtfire.

I love that movie. (gasps)

No, please. No... no crazy ideas, please.

All I wanted for my birthday was for no one's feelings to get hurt, okay?

(sighs)

Is that too much to ask?

It's gonna be fine.

Trust me.

I hate it when you say that.

Oh. (chuckles)

(country music playing over phone)

Joel: Breakfast in bed for the birthday girl!

And now, as an additional gift, I will not sing.

(laughs) Waffles?

Fruit? (gasps)

What's this?

(gasps)

Those earrings I was ogling at the vintage pop-up shop in Mobile?

I love you.

Mwah. But you're still not getting out of that plan tonight.

(sighing): Oh, come on. Please.

It's a really complicated plan.

It's not. It's simple.

You go to dinner with Candace because I get called away for a medical emergency, only I'll really be at the party with Lavon until I have to make up an excuse about you, that "Joel's got those headaches again," and I'm back at the restaurant in time for the cake with the candle.

It makes total sense.

If you're Lucille Ball, yes.

Look, please, please don't make me do this.

Your mother is very intimidating, and I get very nervous.

All you have to do is keep her occupied.

Talk about her favorite subject, herself.

Compliment her, easy peasy.

(knocking)

Oh, Tansy.

Hey.

Hey, George.

Have a minute?

Uh, yeah.

Of course.

I thought it only right to let you know that after we ran into him last night, I called Scott.

Uh, what? No. Tansy, no.

He asked if we could go to dinner and talk some more.

I said yes.

Tansy, it's all an act.

You don't know Scott like I do.

I saw how working for Gainey was eating him alive, and maybe he really is trying to change.

I think I owe him the courtesy of at least listening to what he has to say.

I'm sorry, George.

I'll call you later.

Yeah, of course.

(chuckling)

(clears throat)

Hey, y'all.

What are you doing here?

Please don't say pies.

AnnaBeth, the SS Belle is sailing straight over a waterfall thanks to Captain Crickett.

Oh, come on, y'all.

Crickett's not that bad.

She makes Judy Prescott cry every day.

Judy Prescott, winner of "The Happiest Girl in BlueBell" six years running.

The point is we are voting Crickett off the throne, and we want you to go up in her place.

What? No.

Sadie: AnnaBeth, what better way to get over your breakup than to pour yourself into fixing the Belles?

Can't say it's not tempting, but...

Please, just think about it.

All right, ladies, quietly now, reverse and disperse.

Okay.

Earl: I can't believe you didn't tell me that you and that pretty doctor broke up.

I thought you knew.

It was pretty public.

For a few months there, wasn't a day went by that I didn't get slapped as a result of it.

I could've been there for you.

Seen you through your heartache.

Thank you, Dad, but I'm fine.

And I happen to be in a great new relationship.

Really?

When am I gonna meet her?

Oh, I reckon I could pencil you in for sometime early 2016.

(chuckles) You embarrassed of me or something?

I love you, Pop, but remember when you had those business cards printed up, and it said "Crazy Earl" right there in black and white?

I figured that's how people know me.

Exactly.

I'll talk to you later, Dad.

(groaning)

Scooter's doing tai chi in town square.

I had to avert my eyes.

It's practically public indecency.

That phony, no-good, fake phony.

I just don't get how Tansy can't see he's lying.

As your new assistant, I will investigate, find out what's really going on with him, Mr. George Tucker, sir.

That's not really in your job description, Tom.

But do it anyway.

(laughing)

Hey, guys.

Joel, you really do have a tardiness problem.

So... who's ready for their birthday dinner?

Me!

I am.

Well, not my...

I know... (chuckles)

It's her birthday.

I'm just gonna be coming along to it also.

Um...

Wow, your teeth look bright today, Candace.

Thank you.

(Zoe clears throat)

Uh, yeah, uh...

(phone ringing)

Oh.

Sorry, I have to get this.

(beeps)

Hey, Shula.

What's up?

Stomach pain?

Oh, how bad?

Yeah, it's probably your gallstone.

But I'm in the middle of something, and I...

Honey...

One second.

Oh, sorry, I'll be off soon.

If you have to see a patient...

Uh... no!

I-I don't.

We have plans.

It sounds like she needs you.

Well, Shula just doesn't like change, is all.

Listen, you go take care of Shula, Joel and I will get settled at the restaurant.

Are you sure?

Mm-hmm.

Shula, hey, you're in luck.

I'm on my way.

Okay.

I will be as fast as I can.

Joel, you know what to order for me, right?

If I don't, I will make something up.

Joel, are you all right?

You look clammy.

(laughs nervously)

No, no, I'm-I'm fine.

Um... but you, however, you just look...

Have I mentioned your teeth?

Uh, you did, yeah.

I'll be quick!

I promise.

(quietly): Move on from the teeth!

(people talking, laughing)

Just try to hold it together.

It hasn't even been that long.

It feels like hours.

If judgment had a face, it would be your mother's.

That is so true.

Look, I'm gonna try to speed things up, okay?

But just try to keep steering the conversation towards her favorite subject: herself.

Bye.

(sighs)

(humming nervously)

Lavon!

Hey!

This is so amazing.

I can't believe you did all this for me.

But can we keep the momentum going?

Maybe we could do the cake now?

Are you sure?

It's still early.

Where's Joel?

Poor guy. He's sick.

He's missing all the fun.

Plus, Brando and his buddies, they have to leave for their charity game.

Horseshoes for heart disease or something.

And Grandpa Brando, he loves his cake, so...

You're the birthday girl, huh?

Cake!

Yes, I am.

A.B.!

You came!

Oh, I am so, so, so glad to see you.

Uh, are you okay being here?

I'm great.

Of course I'm here.

I mean, I wouldn't miss all this.

Oh, no.

Earl is six king-sized sheets to the wind.

sh**t.

Will you excuse me one second?

Mm-hmm.

My, my, my.

You and Lavon here at the same party just one week after your soul-crushing split.

Inspiring.

If that was me, I'd be lying on the rail tracks.

But seriously, you are the most mature person I've ever met.

How do you do it?

Just, you know, finding various civil-minded distractions.

Rejoined the Belles.

Oh.

And... where is the bar?

Is it... bup... oh!

Yes.

Oh, uh...

Earl...

How ya been, what you doing?

Do you know where you are?

I'm here to introduce myself to Wade's new girlfriend.

(sniffs, laughs)

He doesn't want me to meet her, but I think it's a real good idea.

Don't you?

Um...

Will you just... just point me in the right direction and push?

You know I think I saw her in the study.

Oh. Here?

Mm-hmm.

How's Shula?

Zoe's patient.

Complications.

Nothing life-threatening, but just time-consuming and just very complicated complications.

Um... you know what, though, it's a bunch of medical mumbo-jumbo.

I never understand what she's saying anyway.

But she's... she's gonna be here very soon.

You know, Joel, I have to say I am very disappointed with what's going on here.

And I can't believe you allowed it to happen.

I allowed it to happen?

How did this become my fault?

This is not...

This was Zoe's i...

Wait.

I'm sorry, what do you think I allowed?

You allowed her to move to BlueBell, to buy a house, to set down roots 1,000 miles from me.

I had a very happy summer in New York with my daughter.

Even happier when she found a New York boyfriend.

Yet somehow, we're back here.

I blame you.

This is fun, though, huh?

Isn't it?

Just a real chance for us to get to know each other.

♪

Tom: Are you sure you want me to tell you everything?

Because once I say it, it can't be unheard.

George: Tom...

Okay, I verified with Gainey's people.

McGreevy did give his notice.

Really?

However, as of at least noon today, there is no associate named Scott McGreevy at GreenWorld in Mobile.

See, I knew he didn't develop a passion for the environment.

What is he up to?

Well, I did find a law firm in Mobile that does have an associate named S. McGreevy.

It's called Bannister & Grigsby.

Of course.

Of course!

Bannister & Grigsby!

Tom, you are a rock star.

Thank you.

"Rock star."

Can we add that to my official title?

No?

Okay, but... uh... think about it.

Take your time.

Get back to me.

What do you say you and me have a quick celebration of our own over at my place?

Mm.

We could be there and back before anyone even notices.

Well, that's tempting.

But we cannot leave.

(laughs)

Oh, hey, great idea.

Hall closet.

What do you say?

Hey, buddy.

The host is asking for you.

Something about getting rid of an armadillo that wandered into the party.

Ugh, yuck.

No, you're on your own.

Hmm-mm.

All right.

If you and Wade were still together, I bet you'd make sure he'd let me meet his new girlfriend.

Sure, yes.

Absolutely.

I...

You know, I would have preferred an actual armadillo.

Oh, there you are.

Hey, Dad.

Oh...

I wanna meet this new girlfriend of yours.

People love me.

Hey, come on, Daddy, you're in no shape to be making new friends, all right?

I'm in the best shape of my life.

Hit me in the gut.

Go on. Go on.

Wade: All right.

Time to say good night.

Come on, let's go home.

No, no, forget it.

Changed my mind.

I don't wanna meet your new girlfriend.

I already don't like her.

She'll never measure up to this one.

Never.

Earl...

It's a father's duty to tell the truth.

And the truth is you two made a big mistake letting each other go.

I knew that.

It's a... tragedy, is what it is.

It's like Romeo and...

Mrs. Romeo.

All right.

Time to say good night.

Come on.

Upsy-daisy, let's go, Dad.

Wade: Uh...

Tell Viv I'll be right back, all right?

And... thank you.

Come on.

Pay attention to walking, all right?

Come on.

What's this thing?

(guests cheering)

AnnaBeth.

Lavon!

Hey. Hi.

I'm... I'm glad you made it.

You know, I wasn't sure you'd be here.

Of course I'm here.

Celebrating Zoe. Yay!

Where'd you think I'd be, sitting at home, feeling sorry for myself?

No. No, I didn't expect you to be.

Why not?

What?

Why shouldn't I be sitting at home feeling sorry for myself?

I-I didn't say that.

You know what I keep hearing?

How civilized this breakup is, how great I'm doing.

Well, it's all poppycock.

AnnaBeth, you sound a little angry.

I am angry. And sad.

And it's all your fault.

And you should know that because I gave you my heart and you used it like a dishrag.

And truth is, you probably would've been happy just stringing me along forever.

No, that's not true. I'm...

Look, th-this is not the place.

You know what? One day, I'm gonna meet someone else, someone who will love me the way I deserve to be loved, and you will realize how stupid you were to let me go because I am the best thing that ever happened to you.

But in the meantime, I am done being civil and polite and quiet!

(others stop talking)

God.

(glass clinking)

(talking resumes)

Her fish is cold, her gazpacho's warm...

I know it may seem like we're dining with Godot here...

(chuckles)

It's just-- a little Beckett reference-- um, but I'm sure that Zoe will be finished with Shula at any second now.

Shula: What's that, dear?

I heard my name.

What you want?

Uh...

I said "hula."

"Hula." D...

Don't mind us. Okay.

I was really hoping this wasn't another of my daughter's crazy schemes.

Joel.

Tell me what is going on.

You're a very intimidating kind of person, did you know that?

Oh. Bye. Thank you for coming.

Zoe Hart, you're not leaving already, are you?

Oh, yeah.

I have to bail.

I'm so sorry, but it's been amazing.

Joel isn't feeling well, so...

You want me to bring over some soup?

I got a spicy chicken noodle knock the cold off an Eskimo.

Oh, no. I could not risk getting you sick.

That would be one bad birthday memory.

(chuckles) Okay. Bye-bye.

Ciao for now.

Oh, Lavon. Hey.

Thank you for everything.

I got to go.

What... Is something wrong?

No.

Okay.

Zoe.

Huh?

Uh, I-I know Joel is sick, but I got to know... why do I hurt everybody I care about?

I mean, please, don't leave. I-I need to know why I'm broken.

You're my best friend.

You're a doctor.

Diagnose me.

(phone rings)

Hang in there, sweetie.

It's gonna be a little while longer.

(clears throat)

(sighs)

(footsteps approaching)

(chuckles)

Rough night?

Yep. I lost it.

I got so sick of everyone telling me how great I'm handling everything.

Being a beacon of responsibility can be hard.

Believe me, I know all too well.

I think the Belles are gonna vote me out tomorrow.

I think so, too.

Well, thanks for at least trying to help out.

I know we haven't been that close lately.

But you and Lemon are my oldest and dearest friends.

And I know you always have my back.

So if there's anything you want me to do to Lavon, I will.

My mom has this great recipe for chocolate chip cookies that induce the runs.

Oh!

(laughing)

Thank you, Crickett.

But stand down.

All right.

You meet the perfect person and your problems go away, right?

That's how it's supposed to work?

What if I'm the problem?

What if there's something wrong with me?

No, Lavon, there's nothing wrong with you.

Well, A.B. is amazing.

In every way.

I love her.

But something just pulled me back.

I can't give her what she wants.

And-and what if that's the biggest mistake of my life?

No. The biggest mistake of your life would be proposing or marrying someone you're not 110% sure is the one.

Lavon, I know you hated hurting AnnaBeth.

But eventually, all that lying, it would've blown up in your face.

You're right.

Thank you.

Well, I guess you should go find Joel now.

Actually, right now, I think I have to go infuriate my mother.

(laughter)

Yeah, kind of.

Isn't that true?

Oh, I-I mean...

Tansy, can I talk to you for a second?

Uh...

Hey.

How's it going, buddy?

George, maybe now's not the right time.

No, now is the right time.

Maybe the best time.

You're gonna want to hear this.

Do you want to man up and tell her what's really going on here?

Or are you gonna make me do it?

George, I do not know to what you are referring.

That's how you're gonna play this?

Okay.

Scooter's lying about his big life change.

His new environmental job.

Yeah, he's going to Mobile to work for a big, dirty, earth-pillaging, animal-hating, money-grubbing, giant, evil corporate law firm.

Boom! G-Tuck dropping truth hammers.

Scott, is that true?

And is there such a place?

No to the first.

And, sadly, yes to the second.

Bannister & Grigsby.

I used to worship that firm.

(chuckles)

Used to? Used to.

Liar. Tell me this.

Why do the good people at GreenWorld not have you listed on their roster as a new associate?

Probably because I'm not.

They hired me as a partner.

Okay, and what about Bannister & Grigsby?

Mr. Tucker? Sir?

You expect me to believe that it's just a coincidence George? G-Tuck?

that they have a S. McGreevy working for them right now?

I'm sorry...

What, Tom?!

I am on a roll here.

I just called the number listed for S. McGreevy because I was gonna leave this mean voice mail like, "Oh, we got you, Sleezeball McGreedy" but then a woman picked up, said her name was Sara.

"S" for Sara.

Said she's Scooter's cousin.

That she is.

I've been trying to get her to quit that awful job.

"McGreedy."

(chuckles)

That's funny.

And it's very effective.

Kudos.

I see how this could look very bad on me.

(laughs)

Enjoy your meal.

And your evening.

(laughs nervously)

It's...

Zoe: Joel, thank God you picked up.

Zoe, listen.

No, you don't have to say it.

You were right about everything.

I have to tell my mom about the Wilkes.

The longer I hide the truth, the bigger it's gonna blow up in my face.

Bring my mother to the party.

I'm so glad to hear you say that.

Just means you're more likely to forgive me later.

Happy birthday, sweetheart.

This is going better than we ever expected.

She's not even upset.

It's just as likely that that's a very lifelike Candace robot.

Vivian: Zoey, I cannot believe you did not tell us your mother was coming.

This is a great surprise!

Well, what's a birthday without a surprise?

You got a special girl, Mrs. Hart.

I do.

We love your daughter.

Meeting her has been a complete godsend.

And we want to get to know you, too.

Come on.

Meet the rest of the family.

Oh, there's more of you.

Bring them on.

(sighs)

Come on, that's got to feel good.

Yes, it does.

So why can't I stop looking for the other shoe to drop?

Oh, it's NPO.

Naturally pessimistic outlook.

But don't worry, we're gonna work on that.

(gavel bangs)

Time to call this meeting to order.

When the gavel goes up, the mouth goes shut.

Okay, new business.

I move for an immediate emergency recall vote, removing you, Crickett, as Head Belle.

You're controlling and mean.

You let the power go to your head.

So, I nominate AnnaBeth Nass to take your place.

I accept. (laughs)

I am so grateful to be given this chance.

From now on, Belles are gonna stick together, through thick and thin, so I'm gonna nominate a co-leader...

Crickett Watts.

I won't do it without her.

Fine.

(clears throat)

All in favor?

You know, it means a lot to me that your dad made time in his schedule to meet me.

Uh, full disclosure...

Earl might have a little more free time than I let on.

I kind of had a feeling.

The problem's mine, not his, okay?

Guess I wasn't keen on an introduction because, on occasion, Earl can get a little... odd.

And drunk.

And for whatever reason, I didn't want anything to change what you think of me.

Was that so hard to say?

Nothing's gonna change what I think of you.

For whatever reason.

(leaves rustling)

Oh, my goodness, what do we have here?

Either Sunday came early this week, or my dad dressed up to meet you.

Step on over here, you two.

Let me get a good look at you.

My, my, aren't you a handsome couple.

Vivian, I want you to meet my dad.

It's a real pleasure to meet you.

Oh, it's great to meet you.

(chuckles)

People call me Earl.

Hey, Tansy.

If this is another attempt to discredit Scott...

I'm sorry.

I came here to say I'm sorry.

For all of it.

It's been a roller coaster.

Yeah, the kind where you're upside down, loop after loop, strapped in only by your feet.

I love those kind.

So, you and Scooter? You, uh...

Giving it another sh*t.

George, you know how I feel about you, but I have history with Scott, too.

In spite of myself, I loved him. I...

I still do, and maybe now he's actually worthy of it.

He changed for me, and nobody has ever done that before.

I hope that it works out for you.

Truly.

Truly, I do.

I'll see you around.

(soft chuckle)

Actually, um...

I promised Scott that I would quit the Rammer Jammer.

I think he knew how hard it would be to see you every day.

But he got me a job in Mobile at an actual hair salon, so...

So, this is good-bye.

Who knows.

It is us. (chuckles)

And we have the worst relationship luck of any two people I have ever known.

You'd think that would've meant we're perfect for each other.

(laughs)

All right, then.

Good-bye, Tans.

Bye.

Zoe: There you are.

Buy you breakfast on your last day in BlueBell?

Well, I don't know, did you have a secret first breakfast with your other family?

Hmm. Okay, I deserved that.

I am sorry that I didn't tell you about them sooner.

I know, dear.

I was worried you would feel hurt.

But now that it's all out in the open, I realized that there was nothing to worry about to begin with.

I'm so glad that you came and met them.

It was a great birthday.

It was, and you're right-- the Wilkes are terrific.

Loyal, caring.

A great family.

Yeah, it's nice to have them here.

I know, and that's why I can't let them win.

Hmm? Win?

Who win? Win what?

You, Zoe.

If BlueBell is where you're gonna have your life-- a house, a family, eventually grandbabies-- well if this is where it's gonna be, then this is where I'm gonna be.

I'm staying.

In BlueBell.

Uh, BlueBell, Alabama?

Hey, so... what'd I miss?

The other shoe.