04x02 - The Curling Iron

[bunniefuu]

When Lemon comes back, she'll choose me.

She's gonna choose me, always.

Tom: I take it we're not getting our department?

Try again next year.

Bettie: You're supposed to be on that cruise for three weeks.

I spent some time with the ship's doctor, and we fell in love.

I have never been able to resist you.

So does that mean you're not going to?

Yes, yes. But-but keep this under wraps for two more days.

I love you, Zoe. I want to give this a try.

This is never gonna work out. It's just too late.

Lemon: I'm not pregnant, I have a virus.

I saw your test results.

Henry and I haven't even had sex yet. We're just pretending to be a couple because I need the money for Fancie's.

Well, then whose is it?

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

Okay. This is happening.

This is definitely happening.

How could you let this happen?

You're a doctor.

You... are a doctor.

(knocks)

You talking to yourself now?

What's up, Lavon?

You okay? I heard about the big ruckus with the fire department.

I'm fine. It's not me I'm worried about.

Something going on with you.

What? (laughs) No. No.

I haven't seen you for an entire day. Not even for baked goods.

So spill it.

Nothing to spill.

Everything is good.

Great, in fact. I am happy and I am healthy.

And I don't have to face the town knowing that I blew their chance at a fire department.

So, clearly, I've won the morning.

You're coming for breakfast.

Now. You and me, we're gonna talk.

No, thanks, I'm not hungry.

You want me to take a look, see what you hid in the drawer there?

(squeaks)

Great.

I made pancakes.

Mmm.

Let's go.

(clears throat)

(Dash laughing)

And I looked that monk straight in the eye, and I said, “No. Namaste to you”"

(laughs)

I think this is gonna be my finest blogger profile to date.

Annabeth: Uh, what Henry has accomplished is nothing short of astounding.

Yeah, even I am growing weary of keeping it a secret.

You and me both. You know how I hate keeping secrets.

Like, I really, really hate it.

Especially from Brick.

Okay, listen, by the end of the day today, Grandmother will hand over the final check for Fancie's, she will head overseas, Henry will be on his way, and we'll be done keeping the secret.

Oh, speaking of which... did you ever find out whose pregnancy test that was?

No. I mean, in the chaos, I-I just totally forgot.

I...

(doorbells jingle)

Hey, hey. It's showtime, ladies.

(chuckles)

Hi. Hey.

Annabeth:...

It's too much pressure. I need a cruller.

I need a cruller.

You expecting someone?

No, I'm just enjoying my pancake and hoping there isn't a fire.

Oh, very funny.

Hey, look, Zoe, I'm here for you.

I mean, I know what's going on.

You do?

Zoe, I'm your best friend. I recognize these things by now.

You had another fight with Wade.

Oh, Lavon, I wish it were that simple.

But I can honestly say that Wade Kinsella is not the problem on my mind right now.

(door opens)

Uh, morning, Doc.

Good morning, Wade.

Wade: Morning, Lavon.

Heard, uh, you and Tucker had a “my hose is bigger than your hose” contest at fire practice yesterday, wish I'd been there to see that.

It was not my fault.

So what's going on with you?

Oh. Oh, me? You mean, besides the fact that I-I told Zoe that I loved her yesterday and she basically told me to buzz off?

(clears throat) Unless, of course, I-I misinterpreted the “door slamming in my face” bit.

Well, you know, much as I... hate to leave this conversation, um, I-I got business to attend to.

Yeah, very im-important mayoral business.

Very pressing.

Sorry. So, have-have a good day.

Zoe, just... just to be clear: you did hear me yesterday, when I, uh, asked you out to dinner, told you that I loved you, the whole shebang?

'Cause I know it was loud, with the crickets chirping and the, uh... doors slamming.

I heard you.

But I meant what I said.

It's too late for us, and that's just the way it is.

Wow.

I am genuinely confused.

'Cause, you know, last I heard, you were gonna fig"for this relationship, and-and I know it took me a few weeks to realize the error of my ways, but I'm... A few weeks?

A few weeks?!

Try eight!

Eight weeks, Wade!

A lot can happen in eight weeks, okay?

A lot!

(door slams)

Shelby, I-I thought we both agreed to keep our relationship quiet till my mother is gone.

And I agree that we agree, but my astrologer, Madame Minerva, disagrees.

She thinks you underestimate your mother.

Well, you can tell Madame... w-whatever that it is precisely because I do not underestimate my mother that we are keeping this a secret.

If my mother finds out, she will ruin us.

Or... she'll see how wonderful I am and love me.

Why wouldn't she?

Everybody loves me. (chuckles)

You love me. That...

I cannot deny.

Oh, Ethel, cover your eyes.

(both chuckle)

Dr. B, I wanted to ask you about this pregnancy test...

No! Oh!

I didn't see a thing... certainly not you kissing Shelby, whom I'm fairly certain you said good-bye and good riddance to.

Surprise. Oh, now, A.B., please, you can't breathe a word about this until Bettie leaves town.

Not to anybody... even Lemon.

Oh, but, Brick, Lemon's my best friend!

And I hate keeping secrets.

I'm sorry for asking, but it's just-just one day.

Shelby: Also, would you mind watching Ethel for a teeny, tiny bit while Brick and I sneak away for a quickie?

Tea. Tea.

Brick: Uh, just a quick... afternoon tea.

You're gonna stay here with your Aunt A.B.

Bye!

Guess we won't be getting our own fire department, huh?

Got to be disappointing.

But, in good news, I think you made the right decision calling off the investigation of Henry Dalton.

The man is a hero.

Oh, we know.

Who has scaled the majestic heights of Everest and beyond.

We know. Healed the thirsty and impoverished. We know! We know!

And sends his own mother two dozen red roses every single day.

Wait, what?

Who sends their mother red roses?

A saint. I ran into Asey, the florist, last night at the small business owners' meeting. (chuckles)

Ashley says it's the most anyone's ever spent on flowers.

For his mother?

That's what he told Ashley.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Well, I hate to say it, but I think I am.

We need to find out the truth about “Saint Henry”"

And his flowers.

(sighs)

Oh, hi, Dr. Hart.

I'm here for my appointment.

You okay?

Delma. Right. Mole removal.

Uh, A.B., can you just grab... What is that?!

It's a baby. Thought you were a doctor.

Where did it come from?

Uh, it belongs, uh... to a relative.

Of a friend. A-A friend you don't know.

You can't just have a baby in-in a workplace, AnnaBeth, because they-they are needy and they are noisy and they are so much work, okay?

Y-You can't just drop a b*mb on someone like this.

Because a baby changes everything!

Everything!

(door slams)

(door opens)

Delma, you want that mole removed or not?

So many secrets.

So many, many secrets.

(car horn honks)

(seagulls calling)

(birds singing)

So I gave Delma the Band-Aids and the Neosporin and I sent her on her way. (chuckles)

Thank you.

So, now that we're alone, we should talk, because I'm pretty sure I know what's going on with you.

I saw this test mixed into Lemon's folder, and...

I don't know...

What you're talking about.

Nope. I do not.

Zoe, this is a big thing to handle, and judging by your outburst earlier, I'm pretty sure you're not handling it very well.

(knocking)

You should tell... Delma... whether or not she should change that bandage.

Hello, Rose. Good afternoon, my esteemed health care professionals.

What are you doing here?

Zoe agreed to give the health seminar for my tween youth troop.

Well, can you give us a minute? Because Zoe and I are in the middle of an important conversation...

No, I'm ready to go!

Well, a pleasure spending time with you, as always, Mrs. Breeland.

Oh, Henry, call me Grandma.

Lemon: Well, we should be going.

So much to do before your big bon voyage party.

(chuckles)

We're all just so excited for you to leave.

On your wonderful vacation.

So far away.

For five whole months.

(clicks tongue)

But we will miss you.

(chuckles): Oh.

They do look good together.

Why, Crickett Watts.

I heard about your big... reveal.

And I have to say, you've got a lot of fortitude.

Why, thank you, Mrs. Breeland.

I just feel lucky to start a whole new chapter in my life.

Just like Lemon.

Landing the perfect man on that boat, just like you hoped she would.

And just when she needed the money for Fancie's.

Life's full of surprises, huh?

Yes.

Yes, it is.

All right, now, let me do the talking.

No, no, no. I'll do the talking.

Why do you get to do the talking?

Because I'm a lawyer... makes me a professional talker.

Knock yourself out.

(chuckles)

(clicks tongue)

(bell dings)

Well, well, well, look who it is.

Hi... Daisy. Wow.

Uh, when did you start working here at the florist?

Since right after our last date, which you would know if you'd ever asked me out again.

Oh, that's cold.

(chuckles) Yeah. I, uh... you know, I am so sorry about that, Daisy.

I was going through a very difficult time.

(clears throat) However, we are here looking for some information on a Mr. Henry Dalton?

I'm not giving you any details on Henry Dalton's flower delivery.

May I just say how absolutely stunning you look today.

Save it. But I just...

But, Daisy, I... Will you please... Could you please stop... If you could just stop ringing that bell, Daisy...

(chuckles): Ah, if I may.

Oh, I would hate for you to betray the-the sanctity of your client bond.

I mean, you do important work here, Daisy.

You do the work of love, huh?

A-And there is no higher calling, particularly in BlueBell.

But-but this... this information that we need is for official town business.

Mayor Hayes, it is an honor to have you standing in this shop.

When you made that sack against Florida State during the national championship, I was there.

You even saw my chest at the victory bonfire.

Oh, you don't say! (chuckles)

(laughs)

For you, Mayor Hayes, I can make an exception.

You are a hero.

Thank you kindly. (chuckles)

Boom.

(chuckles)

Yeah, it was nice to s...

(bell dings)

Yep.

Dr. Hart, your shoes look amazing.

Are you still in love with Wade? Do you ever look in his window?

Have you heard from Joel?

What about George? Is there still a chance?

How does your hair always look so perfect?

You have to tell me where you got your clothes.

All right, everyone, take your seats.

We're about to get started.

Okay, what topic am I covering exactly?

Uh, nutrition, hygiene, impeccable fashion choices?

'Cause if I can walk this room away from pastels in the fall, then my work here is done.

Actually, uh, the girls were tired of the same old “abstinence" only speech from Dr. Breeland, so I brought you here today to give them the straight scoop... on sex.

Sex?

Let me guess.

Zoe Hart?

Your powers of deduction... they never cease to amaze me, Lemon.

What did you do now?

Me?

I didn't do anything.

Except show up at her door and ask her to dinner... tell her I loved her.

Oh, my.

Oh, your what?

I have a lot on my plate right now, Wade Kinsella, but because you are my friend, I'm gonna walk you through this.

A couple of months ago, Zoe Hart told you that she loved you, correct?

Correct.

And then you slept with her, and then the next morning you told her that you would never trust her again, correct?

I don't recall telling you that.

You can't just show up after all that and ask someone to dinner.

Well, it wasn't just dinner, it was, uh, you... uh...

Uh, a symbol?

Yes. Yes.

But right now, she needs more than a symbol, okay?

She needs you to apologize.

And then when you're done apologizing, she needs you to grovel.

And then grovel some more.

And then, and only then, you come up with a plan, a plan of how this time you will make it work.

You're right.

Of course I'm right.

And get a haircut.

You look like a hermit.

Fertilization of the ovum with the sperm occurs at the Ampullary-Isthmic junction.

Then the zygote is then implanted into the uterus, and that is conception.

Thank you for your time.

Okay.

Let's give a hand for Dr. Hart and her very thorough overview of the human reproductive system.

We will now open the room up to any questions.

Oh, I'm sure no one has any quest...

Is 14 too young to have sex?

My father says you have to be married first. Is that true?

Is it true you can get pregnant from a hot tub?

What does 59 stand for?

Dr. Hart, is 14 too young?

Yes!

So when is it okay?

Personally... I think that you should wait until you are well over the age of, let's say, 35.

Come on, there's no way you waited that long.

Well, I am not a great example, I promise you.

And you must have had sex with George Tucker.

And that sexy Wade.

And Joel.

And probably lots of others.

This is none of your business...

Come on.

We'll be totally fine if we use condoms, right?

Of course we will.

My sister said.

No!

No! No! No!

Okay?

Condoms... do not always work.

Condoms... they fail, especially when you forget to check the expiration date, which you must!

Because, believe me, an unplanned pregnancy is too much for anyone to deal with, let alone a teenager!

(clears throat)

But if you must engage, it's better to be safe.

Does anybody have a banana?

Hello. Beautiful day, isn't it?

Good afternoon.

Is Priscilla Langford in?

Do you have an appointment?

No, ma'am, we don't have an appointment.

But we are here on official town business.

Yeah. Well, maybe you recognize me.

Mayor Hayes.

Mayor Lavon Hayes.

Of BlueBell?

Don't follow politics.

Well, uh, perhaps you remember a-a certain sack against Florida State in the champ...

(clears throat)

Two Super Bowls? (chuckles)

I prefer baseball.

Oh, who doesn't, really?

Miss... you and I, we may not have big fancy jobs like Mayor Hayes here, but I have a feeling that we both take huge pride in our work.

Is that correct?

Well, then no, we do not have an appointment, and yes, you are well within your rights to send us packing, but I am asking you not to do that today.

Because we are here for a very important reason that we can only discuss with your boss.

Lives... and hearts are at stake here.

Right this way.

(quietly): Boom.

Mrs. Langford isn't home, but Mr. Langford is.

Oh.

Hey, guys. What can I do for you?

Uh... (chuckles)

So 35, huh?

(sighs) Was that as bad as I think it was?

Uh, I won't lie... it was a little out there.

But the banana bits were very instructional.

I am so sorry, Rose.

I just... I'm not myself today.

What's going on?

(sighs)

I got something unexpected.

In the mail.

What?

A curling iron.

A curling iron?

Yeah, I didn't even order a curling iron.

I wasn't expecting one at all, but then one just shows up in the mail out of the blue, bam!

And you don't like curling irons?

I love curling irons.

I always figured that one day, when my life was settled, I would have curly hair.

Just not now.

Well, can't you just return the curling iron?

Oh, yes, I could return the curling iron.

It would be a totally valid choice, you know.

And I support all people who decide to return their curling irons.

But I just... I-I kind of want to keep this one, because it's the right manufacturer, and I-I love the manufacturer.

And a curling iron like this might be hard to come by, later.

You know, I-I don't want to regret...

Besides, you know, I have room for it in my bathroom.

I see.

So you're gonna keep the curling iron?

Yes.

But I-I feel... I feel a little overwhelmed, you know, by-by the idea of having curly hair for the next 18 years, and the rest of my life.

That's all.

Hey, I've got an idea.

How about we get out of here and go see that new Jonah Hill movie.

Get your mind off curling irons for a little bit.

Will they have popcorn?

Absolutely.

Annabeth: Zoe, are you okay?

Please call. I mean, I don't mean to pry or anything.

I just want to make sure that you're doing okay...

Don't mean to pry into what?

Into... the secret behind what makes this cheese so delicious.

I think I'll eat more and not talk to anyone because I'll be eating.

Hmm.

Sweetheart, my mother leaves in six hours.

Yeah. So you hang tight at the B&B, and I will let you know the second...

Uh, Cole, yes.

Uh... Cole, you just change that, uh, bandage in the morning and you come see me in the office.

Yes. Yes.

Okay.

Everything all right, son?

Oh, yes. Um...

Except Cole Maliska has a, uh, gangrenous infection.

Uh, but other than that...

Yeah, I'm going to the bar.

Crickett: I have gossip.

No! No more secrets!

Crickett: What is wrong with you?

Annabeth: Oh, I'm sorry, Crickett. I'm-I'm just a little bit more stressed today.

Well, regain your composure.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

(choking)

AnnaBeth, are you dying?

No! I'm fine.

Mrs. Breeland, I'm sorry, you just... surprised me.

Well, I was just watching you from across the room, and you seem a little jumpy. Seems like someone who has a lot on her mind. Someone who would like to unburden.

Who, me? No. No! I'm fine.

So I had the barkeep whip you up a little something special. Now, that's a cocktail of my own invention. It's called The Truth Whisperer.

(chuckles)

Mmm.

Uh, that's stiff.

(chuckles) So let's step away from the buffet.

Shall we have a little chat?

Lemon: Uh, does AnnaBeth look like she's about to spill her guts to you?

Yes. Yes, she does.

Both: Oh, fudge sticks up a fudge tree!

What are you keeping from me?

No, what are you keeping from me?

A-And please, in the name of everything that's holy, don't let it be another fake boyfriend.

(laughs)

(laughs) Isn't that just wonderful?

The mayor of BlueBell and his lawyer going door-to-door for the local senior center.

Yeah, well, we-we like to do our part.

Oh.

Certainly do.

We love old people.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I have some work to attend to...

W-Well, uh, actually, uh, another question if you don't mind, Mr. Langford. Um...

Do you happen to know, uh, Henry Dalton?

Of course.

Henry has been my best friend ever since grade school. (chuckles)

He is a wonderful man.

Yeah.

Yes, he is, just a wonderful man.

The man is an American... nay... an international hero.

Yeah.

Yeah. (chuckles)

So why you asking about Henry?

Do you know him?

Aren't you lucky?

Well, the girl that he is dating is a... she's a very good friend of ours.

Oh.

Well, she's very fortunate to have found a man like Henry.

The man is quite a catch.

In fact, my wife says he is a perfect combination of the Pope, LeBron James and Ryan Gosling.

Wow.

They must be close.

So close that he sends her two dozen roses a day?

Excuse me?

What are you implying?

It was funny.

I'm just not so sure I needed to see so many sh*ts of Jonah Hill's personal place.

I-I agree.

So are you gonna tell him?

Huh? Tell who what?

Wade. That you're having his baby.

(sighs) I don't know.

I mean, I know I have to.

These things do become pretty obvious eventually.

I think that...

I need to figure out how I want to handle this first and what I even want from him.

Come up with a plan.

Plans are good.

I mean, because, let's face it, the man took eight weeks to even warm up to the idea of having dinner.

Think about how he's gonna react when I tell him his life is gonna be turned upside down.

Well, Wade's a good guy.

I mean, he might surprise you.

Maybe sooner than later.

Can we, uh... can we talk?

Look, Zoe, I just...

I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

When I said I didn't trust you, I didn't mean it.

I was just... scared and pushing you away, you know?

Well, it felt pretty real.

Yeah, well, okay, maybe I'm not 100% sure that you wouldn't have hurt me if we restarted things, but...

I know that I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about you.

And... I guess that... I realized it's worth the risk.

Things between us have been like a roller-coaster.

Yeah, yeah.

Like one of the... upside-down twisty-turny ones.

And I guess it wasn't fair of me to get upset when you hesitated to get right back on.

So if I were to ask you to dinner again, would you slam the door in my face?

Try me.

Zoe Hart, Mm-hmm.

Would you like to go to dinner with me tonight?

Yes.

Yes! All right, well, we better get going 'cause, uh, got a reservation in, like, ten minutes.

What? You made a reservation?

Well, Wanda did. But come on. Let's go.

We're gonna be late.

Oh, yeah, that's what I thought.

Yeah, whatever.

[chuckles]

Thanks.

A mint julep, please. Oh, make that a double.

Extra mint.

Stanley.

Uh, I was hoping I could come by, pick up my doll collection later.

You'll have to bring your snorkel gear.

Your dolls are all at the bottom of Mobile Bay.

What? No!

You wouldn't.

Not Mrs. De Havilland.

Not Rhett.

All of them.

Shelby? That cabaret singing vexation again?

Another fake boyfriend?

Another perfectly decent candidate that was all a ruse!

(frantic arguing)

I consider my ability to smell weakness a gift.

And you smell of weakness.

And a hint of marmalade.

I make jam sometimes.

Look, Lemon, I-I understand that things are easier when Shelby is not around, but-but it is also emptier and-and a lot less fun.

Oh, Daddy.

Lemon, I know... I know you don't approve, but, doggone it, Lemon, I-I just love her.

Bettie: Everybody in my family's acting very odd.

Bertram, Lemon.

Oh, someone's keeping something from me.

I know it. And you're not getting up from here until you tell me what it is.

Oh... I'm waiting.

Lemon: You know what, I'm good at running a restaurant, Daddy... excellent, in fact.

After all of these years of drifting, I have finally found my calling, and I'm not about to let that evil mother of yours make me compromise and settle for some man to just save it.

Tell me what you know, AnnaBeth Nass.

Right this instant!

(whimpers)

I'm gonna blow! And if I tell one secret, so help me, I will tell them all!

(gasps) Bettie: Oh, go ahead!

Purge yourself!

Brick: No, no!

AnnaBeth, wait!

Wait! I am so sorry to put you in this position.

I-I will tell my mother the truth.

Hallelujah.

Mother, A.B. was-was keeping my secret, which is...

I have been dating Shelby.

(gasps)

Not the cabaret singer.

Daddy, how could you?

(groans)

Are you out of your ever-loving mind?

Did you actually come to my house to accuse my wife of cheating with my best friend?!

We would never suggest that.

Unless you think it might be true.

I'll have you know that Priscilla's been in Utah with her mother for the past two months.

Now, you're gonna be lucky if I don't get my own lawyer and sue you for libel and defamation of character.

Oh, no, no, no. Pl-Please don't do that. We were wrong.

So, so, so, so wrong. (chuckles)

Good. Now see yourselves out.

Yes, sir. Yeah.

(clears throat)

Maid: Thank you.

(sniffs)

Uh, excuse me, miss.

Uh, can we talk to you for just a second?

(Wade and Zoe laughing)

Zoe Hart, to opposites.

To opposites.

Mm. Mm.

You okay?

(coughs): Yeah, it just went down the wrong pipe.

Um... look.

Wade, there's... something that I need to tell you.

Me, too. You-you mind if I go first?

Oh. Y-Yeah. No, yeah.

Please, go right ahead.

All right. Uh...

Look, I-I just wanted to say that... I know we are gonna work this time.

And I know that because I have crafted a plan.

And it's a... it's a good one.

A plan? Well, plans are good.

Yeah.

Yeah, look, basically... last time we tried to do this, we just... we started things off backwards, you know, with the... with the sex.

And I'm-I'm not knocking the sex.

The sex was... was real good. Yes, it was.

But-but this time, we should do things the way they're supposed to be done.

You know, I want to take you out on dates, to dinner, to the movies... even the crappy ones with the subtitles that you seem to like.

And after the movie, I want to take you home, I want to kiss you good night and wonder if I should call you again.

Th... That was a joke.

The point is that... I think it's just... it's gonna work 'cause we're gonna take things slow.

Slow?

Yeah. I mean, what's the rush, right?

We got all the time in the world.

With slow, y-you can build a solid foundation and...

Wade, I'm sorry, but we just... we cannot take it slow.

Okay? Slow is...

It's never gonna happen.

I just can't, okay?

Hey, A.B., you seen Lemon?

Oh, she is in there with Bettie and Brick.

(chuckles) Another Breeland scandal.

But I didn't say anything.

To anyone. So I'm celebrating!

You okay?

Yeah. If you see her, just... just tell her her advice sucks.

See, here's the thing, all right?

I understand women.

Believe me, I understand women.

Like, really, really... I get the picture.

When it comes to the ways of Zoe Hart, it's like... it's like my mind becomes scrambled eggs.

I took her out to dinner tonight, right?

And I'm laying out a plan, how we're gonna make things work this time... we're gonna take it nice and slow...

Seriously?

What?

You told Zoe you're gonna take it slow? Slow?

Wade, you are so dumb!

What is wrong with the females in this town?

What hurts the most is that you would hide this from me, your own mother.

Lemon: And me, your own daughter.

Lemon? Lemon?

Um, we have to go right this instant.

A.B., can't you see that we are in the middle of a crisis here?

Oh, uh, yes, so A.B. and I have some very pressing business to attend to.

We will be back in a jiff.

Bye. (scoffs)

Well, there's only one thing left for me to do.

Get to the airport early?

No.

I'm gonna meet this Shelby, and I'm gonna do it tonight.

George: I knew we were right!

I knew we were right about Henry!

Mm, saint, my ass.

Uh, wait till we tell Lemon he's been having an affair with the Langford maid for over a year.

And promising to marry her as soon as he gets his trust fund from his own grandmother for being with Lemon.

Poor Lemon.

Poor Lemon.

How are we gonna tell her?

We can't just drop a b*mb like this. No.

People always hate the messenger.

We could take the coward's way out.

We could just leak it to the blogger.

What? No, no. Lavon Hayes is not a coward.

Well, neither is George Tucker.

That is a good idea, though.

Yeah.

(sighs)

Done. Message sent.

That was right, right?

(sighs)

We had no choice. Right.

Now... now we just let the chips fall where they may.

Oh! Oh!

Hey. Hey, Wade.

I need to get drunk right now if y'all want to come with me.

I really need to be around some people of the male variety about this time.

Let's do it.

Yeah, hop on in.

(engine starts)

Zoe? Honey?

Where is she?

Follow the cookie crumbs.

Zoe, are you okay?

Do I look okay?

No.

I'm not okay.

No. Only thing I want right now is a good hard drink, and it's the last thing I can have at the moment.

Oh, perfect. You're here.

I take it she told you.

I have a secret problem.

Plus, I figured, at a time like this, a girl needs her friends.

(laughs)

Or anything that resembles one.

Oh, it's fine.

This moment couldn't be any worse anyway.

Go ahead, say what you came to say.

When was the last time you cleaned in here?

Right. So...

We're here because we heard what Wade said.

And obviously, it was moronic, but I'm sure that he didn't mean to...

Lemon, please. Please don't defend him.

Okay? Wade and I... the only thing we can count on is... for our timing to always be off.

You know, the minute I get on one page, he's on the other.

So, I realize that if I'm going to do this, I have to do it on my own.

And I'm gonna do this.

That's why I'm in a bathtub eating cookies.

Annabeth: Oh.

It would be overwhelming to anyone.

I am so scared.

I'm so scared.

You know, what... what if my kid hates me?

What if I raise a serial k*ller?

I'm probably going to be a terrible mother.

Look at my role model.

Well, you know what?

Your mom was Mary Poppins compared to mine, and I turned out just perfectly, so...

Listen, Zoe, having a baby is a big deal.

All right, it's not so kind on your figure, especially with people with your skin tone.

Hilarious.

Regardless of all of that, I know that you will be a good mother, Zoe Hart.

A really good mother.

Because you are tough, and you are kind, and you are smart.

And if you tell anyone that I said that, I will deny it.

(AnnaBeth laughs)

Oh. Zoe, she's right.

I mean, look how you are with Rose and your patients.

You can do this.

Now give us the cookies.

Nuh-uh-uh.

No.

All right.

I'm pregnant.

Daddy, are you okay?

Delilah said that Grandma Bettie summoned Shelby here.

Oh, yes. Yes, she did.

Well...

Where is she?

(sighs)

Okay, uh, obviously, I'm no fan of Shelby's, but, Daddy, you cannot leave her alone in there with Grandma Bettie, because she's probably eaten Shelby alive by now.

Oh. Oh, you would be surprised.

♪ There's no business like show business ♪

♪ Like no business I know... ♪

(singing continues)

Holy tarnations!

Yeah. Shelby and my mother love each other.

What?

I cannot believe I'm back here again.

I should've stayed away.

I vowed to stay away.

Why didn't I stay away?

I'm crazier than she is.

I have learned my lesson this time.

I am done.

Done!

(laughs) Yeah, we've heard that one before.

A few times, actually.

Why don't you shut your yaps, give me another beer.

(grunts)

Ah...

We're all out.

Well, I guess that only leaves one thing left to do.

Mayor Hayes, I am going to raid your liquor cabinet.

Knock yourself out.

Bring back some food.

Yeah.

Pretzels.

Bettie: Bertram?

Oh, why didn't you tell me eons ago that Shelby was so divine?

Oh, I'm sure I did.

I knew we'd be besties.

We're like two blonde peas in a pod.

Oh.

Now that my son and my granddaughter have found love, I can go forth onto the continent with my head held high.

(whoops, laughs)

Lemon: Yay!

(giggles)

And here's your check.

Good luck with Fancie's!

(squeals) Thank you, Grandma.

Oh! Well, now, don't want to be late for your flight.

Bye-bye!

Oh, thank goodness, you're all okay.

Well, what's going on, Bill?

Well, the story has broken on the blog.

Henry Dalton is a fraud.

Brick: No.

Bill: Oh, yes.

Turns out he has another girlfriend over in Mobile.

Henry: What?

No, no, uh, uh... that's...

Henry, I...

How could you?

After everything?

(chuckles)

Looks like I'm gonna have to take you in for questioning, Mr. Dalton.

Brick: Oh, oh, surely, you can't be serious.

Oh, I'm serious as a heart att*ck.

Or a Ponzi scheme.

I've seen The Music Man, mm-hmm, my friend.

Oh, that's one of my favorites.

Bill: All right.

Come on, now.

No, wait, wait, stop.

Henry Dalton is no fraud.

No more than I am.

What are you saying, Lemon?

I'm saying that we... We were in this together from the start.

(gasps)

I needed the money for Fancie's, and there was no other way to get it.

Henry: And, uh, I needed my family to think I'd moved on from the girl they found unacceptable, so we struck a deal.

A deal?

I'm so sorry, Grandma.

Hmm.

Huh.

Watch out.

No. Watch out, I'm gonna get you.

No.

Don't let me get you... gotcha! (laughs)

Hey, you know, um, today was kind of fun.

Yeah.

Yeah, I agree.

Too bad you love Lemon.

No, it's too bad you love Lemon.

(both laugh)

Ain't that the truth?

Both: Boom.

(sighs)

Zoe...

Wade...

I'm sorry that I walked out of dinner, but you should know the reason why.

I'm having your baby.

(laughing)

It's okay. Really.

Because I'm gonna do this on my own, and I don't expect anything from you.

♪ ♪

Lavon: This time I got it, I got it, I got it!

(laughs)

George: Yah! Oh!

Hey, man. You get the booze?

Wade: Uh...

Well, I... just got some interesting news.

George: A baby?!

Lavon: Holy mother of God!