03x25 - Mother's Day

[bunniefuu]

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ traveled down the road and back again

♪ your heart is true
♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ and if you threw a party

♪ invited everyone you knew

♪ you would see the biggest gift would be from me

♪ and the card attached would say

♪ thank you for being a friend

♪ happy mother's day, ma.

Oh, you look beautiful.

Yeah, yeah.

Talk is cheap, and so is that buffet, so let's get movin' before all the shrimp is gone.

We can't.

Charlie jr.

Hasn't called to wish me a happy mother's day.

Michael hasn't called me yet.

Janet hasn't called me yet, although she usually doesn't.

All my children called me...

Except phil.

I know he's thinking of me.

He's just short of cash.

Hello.

Person-to-person from the duke of windsor to queen elizabeth?

Oh, that's for me.

That's my phil.

Hello.

The queen's not here.

She went shopping.

Thanks for calling, phil, and send my love to the ch...

Damn.

Every year they catch on quicker and quicker.

I love it when phil calls me on mother's day.

It's the one time he doesn't ask for money.

One mother's day, I had to ask for money.

Stan's business wasn't doing well, and we had to ask his mother for a loan.

Go away!

Mama, it's me, stanley.

- Oh, stanley.

- Ma.

My pride and joy.

Sunshine of my life.

Hello, mother zbornak.

Yeah, right.

Here, mama.

This is for you.

Happy mother's day.

Oh, thank you, stanley.

Ah.

The artwork of adolf h*tler.

The minute we saw it, we knew it was for you.

Thank you, stanley.

I'm going to put it on the coffee table.

It's from dorothy, too.

If I had to thank her, I'd choke on the words.

Please risk it.

So, tell me, stanley.

How are things at the novelty store?

Couldn't be better.

I was salesman of the month.

I'm sure you'll be proud to know that the name zbornak has become synonymous with plastic vomit.

I...

I would absolutely love a cup of tea.

Oh, sure, stanley.

Anything you want, sweetheart.

Start being nice, otherwise she's not gonna give us that money.

You ask.

She wouldn't refuse you.

Would break mama's heart if she knew I was a failure.

To her, I have the business sense of a rockefeller, the looks of gary cooper, the charm of cary grant.

I'm not surprised.

The woman drinks grain alcohol out of a measuring cup.

Here's the tea.

This is just hot water.

Enjoy.

I, um, just remembered.

I have an important call to make.

You know the novelty business.

The pay phone's at the end of the trailer court.

What're you here for?

What do you want, money?

No.

Absolutely not.

How did you know?

I got the feeling my yutz son crapped out at his job.

Yutz.

I've never heard you say anything bad about stan.

I don't have to.

The whole world makes fun of him.

Always has.

That's why I make him out to be more than he is.

- Then you will give him the money.

- No.

But I'll give it to you under one condition.

Don't ever tell stanley it came from me.

I don't understand.

Stanley has a tendency to be weak.

If he knew I was a soft touch, he'd never amount to anything.

- How much do you need?

- $500.

I'll give you a thousand.

You know, dorothy, I'm glad stanley married you.

You love him, but you're tough, and he needs that.

Then why are you so mean?

If stanley knew I liked you, he'd hang around all the time.

He's a yutz.

Who needs him around here?

Dorothy.

Oh, thank god you came.

I thought she was gonna strangle me.

- I take it you weren't able...

- We'll figure something out.

I'll call you, mama.

- Happy mother's day.

- Good-bye, sweetheart.

- Happy mother's day.

- Yeah, right.

As it turned out, stan's mother wasn't so bad after all.

Please.

The woman wasn't human.

I think she ate mice.

Hello?

Charlie!

Hey, everyone, it's charlie jr.

Oh!

Guess what.

He says it's cold in minnesota.

Get outta here.

Is it cold enough that if you put your tongue on something metal, it'll stick?

Sure.

I'll hold.

This might be the ideal time to leave for that mother's day brunch.

The last mother's day I spent with my mama was in virginia.

Mama'd been ill for some time, and she was recovering in a convalescent home.

It was a lovely place.

Stay right there.

I want you to watch the proper way for a lady to make an entrance on the arm of a handsome gentleman.

You look just wonderful, mama.

Happy mother's day.

Oh, is today mother's day?

Don't you remember?

I called you and told you I'd be here.

Of course.

Of course, virginia.

No, darlin'.

Virginia couldn't come.

I'm blanche.

Here.

Look.

I brought you a little present.

Lace handkerchiefs.

My.

You always used to say that there were two things a lady could never have enough of: lace handkerchiefs and gentleman callers.

Maybe next mother's day I'll bring you a gentleman caller.

You wanna go have some tea?

Not right now, darling.

Mama, do you remember that mother's day that I almost ruined when I ran off to get married?

No.

Sure you do.

I was a senior in high school, and I was madly in love with deck boevingloh.

We'd been dating for a month, so it seemed perfectly logical when he dropped by cheerleading practice and asked me to marry him.

Oh, I thought he was a wonderful catch at the time.

He was 40, out of work, twice divorced, had three kids.

But the real reason I wanted to marry him was because his oldest daughter was a rival of mine at cheerleading, and I figured if I married deck, I'd be her mama...

And I could kick her off the squad.

Anyway, I remember the next day, I was in the rexall when deck came in lookin' more handsome than I've ever seen him.

Oh!

Black motorcycle boots, skintight levis, a match in his mouth, and a white t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up to reveal his brand-new woody the woodpecker tattoo.

God, I was an idiot.

Anyway, he sauntered over to me at the soda fountain and gave me this long, smolderin' look and said, "so?" Oh, I nearly fainted dead-away on the spot.

Next thing I knew, I was sittin' in that studebaker racing out toward bayou country where deck knew this justice of the peace who specialized in marrying stupid teenage girls from well-to-do families.

Lucky for me, old man montgomery had been in the rexall that day and overheard us making plans and tipped off you and daddy.

I don't know how you got there ahead of us.

But when we pulled up to bubba's chapel of bliss...

And tackle shop, there you were.

Well, I was ready for the fight of my life, but all you said was, "why, darlin', "I just came out here to give you away with my blessing.

"I think marrying deck might be the best thing in the world for you, blanche." Well, at 17, I wasn't about to do anything you wanted me to do.

And you knew that.

I gave deck back his i.d. Bracelet...

That had "deck" on one side and "allergic to the law" on the other, hopped in the car with you and daddy, and we took off home.

I asked you if you were mad at me.

You said, "why, no, darlin'.

This is the best mother's day I've ever had." Don't you remember that, mama?

Well, I thought that happened to virginia.

Wasn't virginia the slut?

No, ma'am.

That was me.

Blanche, that didn't happen on mother's day.

That happened christmas day.

19...

1949.

You're right.

Hey, that was christmas d...

You remembered, mama.

Blanche, there are days when I can't remember who I am, but trust me, I remember every stunt you ever pulled.

That's how I got half the gray hairs on this 85-year-old head.

Honey, you're 89.

Oh, darlin', didn't I ever teach you anything?

No true lady ever tells her age.

Happy mother's day, mama.

Bye, charlie.

Thanks for calling.

Now can we go eat?

No.

I haven't heard from michael yet.

Fine.

Wait for your phone call.

My blood sugar'll drop.

I'll have a stroke.

This corsage'll live longer than I will.

You know how much it means to a mother to talk to her child on mother's day.

One mother's day, I spent with somebody else's mother.

On my way back to st.

Olaf, I was stuck in this bus station.

Brrr!

I'd almost forgotten what real cold feels like.

I've gotten used to tropical weather.

You here all the way from nebraska?

Miami.

Miami.

That closer to omaha or lincoln?

Gee, it's great to be home.

They told me I could change buses here for st.

Olaf.

- That's right.

- How much?

You want the express or the yokel?

- You mean local?

- I mean yokel.

A family of first cousins plays banjo music as the passengers get on and off.

- Do they take requests?

- No.

Give me the express.

You got an hour to k*ll.

Oh, thank you.

Excuse me.

Are you waiting for the bus to northern falls?

No.

St.

Olaf.

I've visited there.

Lovely little town.

Oh, yes.

Yes, it is.

Rolling hills, charming homes.

- Yes.

- Full of idiots.

Yes.

What?

I never saw anything like it.

Must be the water.

I grew up in st.

Olaf.

Most of my family still lives there.

Oh, no offense, dearie.

I didn't say that everyone there was an idiot.

It just seemed, though, that per capita, they had more than their share.

Oh, well, per capita, you're probably right.

Do you live in northern falls?

No.

I'm paying my daughter a visit.

For mother's day?

Me, too.

Oh, not just my daughter.

All of my children.

They paid for my trip from miami.

They figured it'd be cheaper for me to come here than for all of them to fly there.

They figured that out?

And-and they live in st.

Olafs?

Yes.

Oh, you-you must be very proud of them.

Oh.

I am.

So, when was it you visited st.

Olaf?

Oh, lord, it must be 50 years ago now.

I went to a wedding.

A distant cousin of mine married a local st.

Olaf girl.

- What was the girl's name?

- Sonja yongen...

Yongenfrauliksteinerbrau?

You know her?

Know her?

I was flower girl at the wedding.

Well, of course there were no flowers that year because of what happened to old man smith.

He was our town florist.

He was also our town's only blacksmith.

Come to think of it, he was our town's only black man.

Anyway, when he first moved in, the town council decided to give him a traditional scandinavian welcome...

Gathering on his front lawn and singing songs and dressing up in bedsheets.

'Course, coming from chattanooga, he wasn't familiar with the custom.

He had a heart att*ck.

He spent most of the summer in intensive care.

After that, when somebody new moved in, the town council just handed out peanut brittle...

And free passes to the local movie house, which they hoped to build someday.

Are you all right?

You seem upset.

I was just thinking I'm sorry I recently got a hearing aid.

Don't worry.

It hardly shows at all.

Anyway, at sonja's wedding, of course without flowers they didn't know what to do...

And discovered she was on the hayride with little lars, not big lars.

She yelled, "whoa!" And jumped right off the wagon.

Either that story is actually funny, or the batteries are going in and out in my hearing aid.

Rose, I want you to know that I think it's very sweet that you're keeping an old lady company like this.

Don't be silly.

I'm enjoying every minute.

Every hour.

I can't believe the buses are so late.

I should call the kids again.

Are you sure you shouldn't call your daughter?

Mother's day isn't until tomorrow.

She knows I'll be there.

I always am.

Still, she must be worried by now.

Rose.

My daughter's dead.

She passed away some time ago.

I go to the cemetery on mother's day.

It was always a special day for the two of us.

I like to pretend it still is.

Problem is, this year I don't think I'm going to make it.

Aren't you feeling well?

I ran away from the home, and they're just about to catch up with me.

Are you anna eggerman?

Anna, they're worried about you back at the home.

You're gonna have to come with me.

Attention!

Express to cedar grove, river junction, northern falls, now boarding!

For cryin' out loud, jacob.

There's three people here.

You could've just pointed to the door.

Sheriff, there's been a mistake.

- This woman's my mother.

- I have a telex that says...

I don't care what it says.

She's my mother, and we're on our way home.

If you'll excuse us, we have a bus to catch.

Come on, mama.

Thank you, rose.

Happy mother's day.

It's a really sweet story, rose.

So sell it to the reader's digest.

Let's get outta here.

Must be michael.

Hello.

Hello, michael!

Okay.

That's it.

When she gets off the phone, we're going.

I'm tired of listening to lousy mother's day stories.

Sophia, don't you have a story?

I said I was tired of lousy stories.

I wouldn't mind a good one.

Brooklyn, 1957, the second sunday in may.

I was getting the house ready which mostly meant trying to get my salvadore into a shirt with sleeves.

Turn that thing off and get up.

Mama will be here and you look like a bum.

So, what's the problem?

She already thinks I'm a bum.

- Salvadore.

- What?

Did you get me a present for mother's day?

- Why?

You're not my mother.

- I'm the mother of your children.

A thousand nights of begging.

Three times, you said yes.

For that, you want a present?

It's not enough they declare it a national holiday?

That's mama.

She sees you like this, we'll never convince her to move in.

- Move!

Move!

- Oh, boy.

It's a dark day in brooklyn.

The dodgers are moving out, your mother's moving in!

Grandma, here we are.

I'm in a wheelchair.

I'm not blind.

I can see where we are.

And it could stand a good vacuum.

Hi, dorothy.

Hello, mama.

Where's salvadore?

He's hiding from me.

He always hides from me.

The little monkey hates me.

Don't be silly.

Pop is crazy about you.

Don't lie to your grandmother!

It's a sin!

He's not crazy about you, but he's very fond of you.

He hates me.

The man repairs complicated machinery for a living.

Three times this month, he couldn't set the brake on my wheelchair.

- That was a coincidence.

- All three times was at the top of the stairs to the flatbush subway station.

If salvadore hates you, why does he want you to live with us?

- What?

- Salvadore and I would like you to move in.

- I am not moving in.

- Why not?

- Let me tell you a story.

- Sicily, 1881.

A beautiful, young peasant girl...

- Mama, not another story.

- Sophia, come closer.

Grandma!

You're movin' in.

We think it's best for you.

You didn't discuss it with me.

Fine.

Let's discuss it.

There's nothing to discuss!

I'm not moving in.

Dorothy, if I ever do this to you, I want you to sh**t me.

Could you put that in writing?

Dorothy, come closer.

Okay, I can solve this problem.

Take me to the top of the stairs again?

I don't want you here, huh?

This is my home.

A man's home is his castle.

In this castle, I'm the king.

Capisce?

He's talking nonsense.

What are you saying?

I want you to move in.

- You mean that?

- No.

Ah!

Too bad.

You said it.

Happy mother's day, mama.

Please!

Happy mother's day, ma.

Okay, honey, just a second.

Ma, he wants to talk to you.

Hello, michael.

Have you eaten?

Well, I haven't.

Good-bye.

Let's roll.

Sophia, we can't.

We haven't all gotten our calls.

Oh, forget it.

She's not gonna call.

Well, she might.

Hello.

Janet, it's so good to hear your voice, honey.

Ma, what are you doing?

Cooking.

If I wait for you to take me, I'll starve to death.

- You're making me feel guilty.

- I know.

It's mother's day.

You celebrate your way, I'll celebrate mine.