08x05 - Sober Wizard and a Woodshop Workshop

[bunniefuu]

Aw, damn it.

I hate it when I'm still in my comfies and you're already back from the gym.

- You can always come with me.

- Maybe.

I go Mondays, Wednesdays...

Okay, I'm not coming.

Can we please move on?

Have a bite of this apple.

It's - maybe the best apple I've ever had.

- I'm good.

No, you got to try it.

Come on, it'll change your world.

What are you, that Bible snake?

I said I'm good.

Here.

Check out this video.

Oh, is this the one with the dog playing the piano with a bird on its head?

No.

My buddy Jay went skiing.

Doesn't he use a wheelchair?

BONNIE: Whoa!

That's intense.

He invited me to go with him next week.

- Skiing?

Are you gonna go?

- Yeah.

- Hell yeah!

- Cool.

Sad news, guys.

Adam's gonna die.

-- Skiing.

He wants to go skiing.

He's in a wheelchair because of skiing!

Technically, it's called "adaptive skiing."

Oh, good.

Now I know what to put on his tombstone.

I think it sounds cool.

You robbed a chain restaurant in a cat suit.

You're not exactly the queen of good judgment.

Note to everyone...

She's in a bit of a mood.

I've been skiing my whole life.

You break a leg or get a severe head injury, but you almost never die.

What did you say to Adam?

Nothing.

I figured who am I to tell him he can't go before I have the right words to tell him he can't go.

So make with the magic, Sober Wizard.

Give me the words.

What would it look like if you didn't tell him how you feel and you were just supportive?

Is she even listening to my story?

I'm just gonna hide his wheelchair upstairs, and that'll solve that.

Good plan, 'cause when you tell your man what to do, it usually ends up with him asking for a break and me riding my Peloton for hours a day.

I am completely numb down there.

Sweetie, we've been very patient listening to your problem, but it is now solution o'clock.

I got this, roomie.

When you're going through a hard time, it helps to get out of yourself by being of service to others.

I think you ladies have been living together for too long.

BOTH: We have.

Hey, I've been mentoring kids down at the Inspired Girl Project.

It's awesome.

You want to come with me?

Really?

I already wrote 'em a big check.

Can you write me one for Adam's casket?

Otherwise, I'm just gonna stuff him in a bag.

Jill, you are amazing.

Not only do you donate your money.

Now you're donating your time?

Get ready for a half-page profile in our newsletter.

Oh, it's not about me, Bobbi.

It's about the girls.

Ooh, that was pretty good.

Use that in the article.

There's Makayla.

Let me introduce you.

Makayla, I want you to meet Jill.

She's gonna be your new mentor.

Hi.

Okay, I will leave you to it.

So what you got there, Spanish?

I've been to Spain.

It's Portuguese.

Oh, well, I have not been there, but I have met a Portuguese water dog.

(clears throat)

They don't shed.

They also have webbed feet.

I get that.

I had a foster sister who was a total nightmare.

I also had one who's now my best friend on the planet.

Crazy thing is, same person.

Oh, I guarantee you, Monique

- will never be my best friend.

- You don't know that.

She put her toenail clippings in my cereal.

That is hard to come back from.

With or without polish?

Tammy.

Psst.

May I speak with you in the beanbag area?

What are you talking about over there?

Foster moms and toenail clippings; it's going great.

Well, can me and my kid come sit with you and your kid?

'Cause I don't know what to talk about.

Well, just relax and be yourself.

And what, exactly, would I say if I was being myself?

Just ask her questions, get to know her.

Find out what you have in common.

Do you think she's got a Peloton?

I do not.

Dig deeper.

That's what my Peloton instructor says.

So, do you have a boyfriend?

No, I have a "it's complicated."

(gasps)

I have one of those, too.

Well, he just asked for a break, so now I don't know what to call him.

Call him a jerk.

Why does he get to decide?

There are two of you in the relationship.

That's what I told him, but he didn't listen.

Because boys suck.

They certainly do.

Close up that book.

Let's talk.

Okay.

Do you like this?

Or...

this?

Aren't you gonna be wearing a helmet?

Yeah, but when I take it off, I want to look cool.

Well, then, neither.

Copy that.

(scoffs)

I'm gonna tell him not to go.

Unless you want to tell him.

You want to tell him?

- He knows you have no agenda.

- ADAM: Hey, Bon, do you know where my red turtleneck is?

Remember, you spilled all that ranch dressing on it.

We threw it out.

That didn't happen.

I just hated it.

I'll just pick one up on the mountain.

Oh...

Fine, coward, I'll tell him.

Hey, babe.

- Yeah?

- Nothing.

- I think I got everything.

- Super.

Man, I can't wait to get back on the mountain

- and kick its ass.

- Watch out, mountain.

- All right, see you in a couple days.

- Okeydoke.

Bye, Adam.

Bye.

Gus, clear your afternoon.

Mommy needs to cuddle.

You know how you always want a guy who can lift you up, like in Dirty Dancing?

Andy could do that.

Not even on the dance floor, just on the way to the kitchen.

What's Dirty Dancing?

Oh, my God, movie night at my house.

(laughs)

Relax.

He's gonna call you.

Well, if you're so sure he's gonna call me, then why don't I just call him right now?

- No!

- No!

He needs to realize that he messed up, and that you're awesome.

Well, he better hurry, because I am years old, and I want to pop out some babies.

You're ?

I thought you were, like, .

Oh, my God, I love you guys.

What's going on?

I thought you girls were gonna do my wood-shop workshop.

I'm sorry, these ladies are amazing listeners.

Well, I'm in there making squirrel-proof bird feeders by myself.

But Jill has some drama going on.

Oh, honey, that's a show you can catch anytime.

She's right.

Y'all should go learn some wood stuff.

Wait.

We're only gonna go if you promise you're not gonna call Andy.

- Well, can I text him?

- Sorry, Tammy.

Oh...

Hey, babe, it's your wife, Bonnie.

I hope you're having tons of fun up on that mountain.

If you want, and only if, give me a little jingle-jangle.

Ciao.

Oh, my God, what if my last words to him were "jingle-jangle.

Ciao"?

(exhales sharply)

Let's watch TV.

I can't watch TV.

You would look better over here.

And you would be better...

over here.

Ah.

Now a whole new apartment.

(panting)

I had a plan...

but I don't remember what it was.

Oh, now I'm too tired to move everything back.

What do you think, Gus?

Gus?

Oh, no!

Gus?!

- Gus!

- (Gus barking)

It's coming from inside the house.

Ooh!

Maybe I'm the one who's gonna die this weekend.

(Gus barks)

Ah, there you are.

I thought I was down a husband and a dog.

Why do you have Daddy's hat?

Do you know something I don't know?

Is this like you guys with earthquakes?

Aw, you miss him, too.

I'm mad at him.

If he really loved us, he would have stayed here instead of careening down a mountain on what is basically a step stool.

With him gone, I'm gonna have to run the bar.

And I don't know anything about taxes, so I'll probably end up in jail.

Man, I should never have listened to Marjorie.

(mockingly): "Be supportive." Be supportive?

That's not who we are.

(grunting)

Oh, okay.

That's good.

But take it easy.

I'm so sore.

- What did you do?

- I decided I want

- my kitchen table in my living room.

- Why do you want your... ?

Don't make me explain it.

I'm in crisis here.

I take it you're still obsessing about Adam's ski trip.

Stop minimizing my fears by describing them accurately.

(phone chimes)

(gasps)

You guys, Makayla just photoshopped me into a kayak to put on Instagram and make Andy jealous.

Hey, how did her physics test go?

No idea.

But look at me.

Aw, thank you so much for making me volunteer.

These girls are helping me so much.

Yep.

That's exactly how it's supposed to work.

Let me tell you why my fears and worries are completely justified.

I had a lot of free time last night, so I made a list of all the things in my life I loved and then lost.

Great, let's see it.

It's a mind list, but I will read it to you.

Father...

dead, mother...

abandoned me, now dead, Christy...

moved away, Alvin...

left me, came back, then suddenly dead, Adam...

TBD.

Stands for "to be dead." Well, did you also make a list of everything you still have?

Yeah, this sandwich and a bunch of annoying friends.

Not you.

I like what you've done with the place.

- Alvin?

- Hello.

Wh-What-What are you doing here?

Well, I'm sitting at the kitchen table in your living room, so I'm guessing maybe you need someone to talk to.

I'm fine.

Okay, I'm not fine.

But I-I don't need you knowing I've turned into a mess.

Oh, you've always been a mess.

I just let it slide because you were hot.

Thank you.

I should tell you I'm married now.

I know.

To the guy with the hair.

Well, I'm assuming, if you know that much, you know his name.

Nah.

I don't pay attention.

Is that because you're a little jealous?

Are you kidding?

He had a tough act to follow.

I wish him well.

I'm talking specifically about sex.

You were amazing, but my husband is also gifted in that department.

I don't need all the details.

I just love him so much.

I know.

I loved you, too, and it took me so long to get over losing you.

I can't go through that again.

You know what hurt the worst?

I didn't see it coming.

You think I did?

Last thing I ate was a spinach salad.

My whole life, the one thing I never did was worry, and now I can't stop.

I don't know what's happening to me.

I do.

You're happy.

You're the happiest you've ever been.

It stings a little bit that it's without me, but it's pretty obvious that between Adam...

So you do know his name.

Lucky guess.

Between Adam, your sobriety, your relationship with our beautiful daughter, you're in a great place and you're worried you could lose it.

(scoffs)

That's all you got?

I'm miserable because I'm happy and I should just be happy that I'm miserable?

Be happy you have a lot to lose.

Stop worrying.

That's how lives get wasted.

And look at the bright side.

You'll probably die first.

(laughs)

: Fingers crossed.

You look great, by the way.

The one thing they don't tell you: whatever your last meal is, that's all you get up there.

You're watching out for her, right?

I'm watching out for both of you.

And the guy with the hair, too.

Hey, Bobbi.

Hey, Tammy.

You're early.

Yeah, I kind of have a problem and I wanted to talk to you about it.

Well, that's why I started this place, to help girls with their problems.

Whatever it is, lay it on me.

It's Jill.

Ooh, that's a sticky wicket.

She's a platinum-level donor, and we only have one of those.

It's already in the newsletter.

She's supposed to be a mentor, and all she does is cry on the girls' shoulders about her boyfriend.

They're basically mentoring her.

Well, the mentors are supposed to grow from the relationship, too.

Makayla missed school because Jill made her listen to old Andy voice mails so they could pinpoint the exact moment everything went wrong.

- Ooh, boy.

Not good.

- So, will you talk to her?

Well, if I were your mentor, I would tell you this is something you should probably work out with Jill yourself.

- Is that 'cause you're afraid of Jill?

- Little bit.

Hey, ladies.

Where are my girls at?

I need a pep talk.

- You can do it.

Bye!

- (grunts)

You can do what?

(sighs)

All right, I want to say this as-as carefully as possible.

Um, you are destroying the Inspired Girl Project.

What?

These girls are not your BFFs.

You're supposed to be mentoring them, not crying on their shoulder about your boyfriend.

Well, but you told me I was supposed to connect, and I was connecting.

Yeah, and do you know anything about them?

What they struggle with?

What they're good at?

No, you don't, because you've made this whole thing about you.

(gasps)

Are you bullying me in front of an anti-bullying poster?

I'm just saying you have so much more to offer than being some weepy female boo-hooing over a guy.

I only full-on cried twice.

Sit down.

Listen to me.

You are a strong, powerful woman.

I mean, you've survived your mom's su1c1de, a painful divorce, alcoholism.

You can show these girls they can get through everything they're going through, and that starts with you dealing with this break...

Which, by the way, is a break, not a breakup...

Without falling to pieces.

What if this is a breakup?

Then you'll get through that, too.

And it's a great opportunity to show these girls that they don't need a man to have value.

Because you sure don't.

Thank you, Tammy.

Hey, you want to be my assistant for "How to Fix a Toilet" class?

- Do I have to touch anything?

- I'd prefer it if you didn't.

Then I would be honored.

Hey, Jill, how you holding up?

Oh, I'm good.

I'm good, thanks.

Uh, right now what is important is that Tammy is gonna show y'all how to fix your own toilet.

Really?

Because we came up with the perfect TikTok idea for you to make Andy jealous.

That's okay.

I don't need a man to make me feel good about myself.

(whispers): Tell me later.

I don't remember where you go, but now you live here.

- I'm home!

- Finally.

- Hey, babe.

- (laughs): Hey.

- How was it?

- Unbelievable.

Well, that's great.

I'm glad you went.

It took me a couple of runs to get used to it, but once I got it, it was like old times.

I can't wait to go again.

Oh.

Well...

no.

- What?

- I say no.

You are not going again.

I forbid you.

It is forbidden.

What are you talking about?

I have been in hell for two days because I was certain you were gonna come home dead.

And don't say if you were dead you couldn't come home, because yes, you can, in a box.

What's happening?

I never wanted you to go in the first place, but because I'm a great wife, I let you, and because you're a terrible husband, you didn't know what I wanted without me telling you.

Okay, but in my defense, you've never not told me every single thought or feeling you've ever had.

Well, I'm growing.

I mean, I was really scared.

I-I rearranged the furniture, I had a...

I had a heart-to-heart with an old lover.

- What?

- Well, it was a dream or he was a ghost; it's unclear.

But all we did was hold hands.

I mean, he stroked mine with his thumb a little bit, but I did not stroke back.

Everyone knows it's not cheating if it's a ghost.

Look...

I-I appreciate that you were so concerned about me, but this was the first time since my accident that I felt like my old self again.

I used to ride motorcycles through fire and jump off buildings.

Sometimes for work, sometimes for fun.

Risk makes me feel alive.

But isn't being married to me enough risk for any man?

You would think.

I'm sorry you were so worried.

(exhales)

That's okay.

I...

I learned this from a dream, so I don't know if I trust it, but apparently the only reason I was miserable is because I'm happy.

And obviously I want you to be happy, too.

So do whatever you need to do to feel alive.

Ski, hang glide, eat gas station sushi.

Here's a crazy idea.

- Why don't you come with me next time?

- What?

Ski with me.

I-I don't know how to ski.

I was poor.

I'll teach you.

Seriously, you're gonna teach me something?

You do like risk.

(laughs)

I told you he was gonna be okay.

(barks)

Ready to go again?

Okay, but after this next run, can we please take a little break?

No way.

God, I can't get enough of this.

What is it with me and white powder?

All right, let's go.

- Adam?

- Yeah?

Try to keep up this time.

I love you!