02x03 - House Guest

[bunniefuu]

Morning. How was your weekend?

Good. Though, it was kind of...

Hot, I know.

- No, I was gonna say...
- Humid?

- No.
- Moist?

Actually, I was gonna say...

- Misty?
- No.

Morning, Miss Angela.

Oh, great. My dad will help you.

No, Janet. You stay, and learn.

So, what we looking for today?

- I was gonna get some...
- Ice cream?

- We're having a big sale.
- No, actually, I...

Having party? Need two carton?

- No.
- Oh. Three.

- No, you keep cutting me...
- Good deal.

Four carton for price of three.

Well, that is a pretty good price.

(CHUCKLES)
With lotto ticket, is $ . .

Oh!

(CUSTOMER LAUGHS)

Okay, see you.
Have a fun party. (CHUCKLES)

(DOORBELL JINGLES)

- JANET: That was...
- Genius? Magical? Amazing?

Okay, now, you're acting like a...

King? Hero?

You can't b*at me,
Janet, because I am...

Annoying? Frustrating?

- Good. Now, you starting to...
- Learn?

Get the hang of it?
b*at you at your own game?

- Okay.
- See you.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

PASTOR NINA: Oh, well, my landlady said

it would only be a week.

That's the reason I agreed
to the renovation.

And guess how long it's been?

A month? Two months?

Ten days.

But that's a long time
with no hot water,

and noise and dust.

You stay here.

Janet is move out. You take room.

Oh, no, no. I wouldn't want to intrude.

What you talking? We is a family.

Spiritual family.

I'd insist on paying for it.

What the heck you talking? It's free.

And beside, it will be nice
to have full house

after Janet is move out
so long time ago.

Oh, how long has it been?

Two weeks.

But that's a long time
with just Mr. Kim.

- Okay.
- Oh!

Thank you, Mrs. Kim,
this is very generous.

You're very welcome.

- Hmm! Pastor Nina!
- Mr. Kim.

Well, I guess I'll see you both later.

Thank you, again, Mrs. Kim.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

- Why is she seeing us later?
- Pastor Nina is coming over.

APPA: Hmm.

- Maybe she stay for dinner.
- Okay.

Maybe she stay overnight?

(SIGHS) Why?

Her apartment is renovation.

So, we running hotel now?

We is good Christian.
She need a place to stay.

Well, then, as a good Christian,

you better hide your secret cigarette.

Well, you better hide
your secret whisky,

poker chip, cigar
and bathroom magazine.

I only read for article. (SCOFFS)

JUNG: Kimch, what are we doing tonight?

I'm seeing a movie with my cuz.

I would have invited you,
but I know you hate

the movies we see.

That's not true. What are you seeing?

Documentary about street cats.

- JUNG: Do they talk?
- Who?

- The cats.
- No.

I'm out.

(CHUCKLES) You were never in.

(DOOR OPENS)

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- (DIAL TONE RINGS)

(CELLPHONE RINGING)

Everything okay?

Can't a guy just be interested

in what his sister's doing
on a Friday night?

JANET: No, really, what's wrong?

Nothing. What's happening?

- Trivia night.
- JUNG: Sounds lame.

You need me to bring anything?

- Bring it where?
- I'll grab some beer.

- Your friends will thank me.
- No, wait...

- That's weird.
- He probably just hung up.

No, I think my brother's
coming tonight.

Here?

Could be good, though. My brother's...

Athletic?

Umma, look who I find
in store, trying to steal.

Ha! Mr. Kim.

Pastor Nina, perfect timing.
We just getting ready to eat.

I hope this isn't all for me, though.

Oh, no. It's for three of us.

It's nothing, just everyday style.

Please, sit down. We eat.

Pastor Nina very hungry.

(LAUGHS) I'm okay, actually.
But okay, sure.

Oh...

Uh, Appa?

(WHISPERS) Pray.

Oh. (CHUCKLES)

Oh.

Oh, we're standing?

Uh...

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, this is good.

(CHUCKLING)

Oh!

- Dear...
- Amen. Okay.

- Hope you not vegetarian.
- No, I'm not.

It's, uh, Korean food.

But I make less spicy than
usual in case you don't like.

No, no, I like a little spice,

but this is all too much,
Mrs. Kim. I feel bad.

Yeah, she's not the Queen
of England, just a pastor.

Appa.

I'm actually going out tonight.

You have a hot date?

(CHUCKLES)

- PASTOR NINA: Oh.
- Appa.

Just joking. (CHUCKLES)

- Or maybe not?
- (PASTOR NINA LAUGHS)

(CHOKES)

So, I give the guy his $ back,

and he just looks at me and says,

"You're freaking awesome!"

And then he just walks away.
You can't b*at that.

You're so funny.

It was also the same day
that I got this.

Hurt like a bitch, but...

Uh, wow. (CHUCKLES)

JUNG: Thanks, bud.

- Actually...
- Cheers.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Okay, we're ready.

Uh, everyone got everything?
Drinks, snacks, shirts?

Good. Jung, why don't you start?

All right, let's take this for a spin.

History it is.

This beer'll be history in a minute.

(JEN LAUGHS)

In , what British Prime Minister...

(IMITATES BUZZER) Trick question.

Britain doesn't have a Prime Minister.

It has a queen.

And the new one's super hot.
Uh, Kate something?

(LAUGHTER)

You're thinking of
the Duchess of Cambridge.

Right. Duchess of Cambridge.
Final answer.

(JEN LAUGHS)

(SLURPS)

- (WHISPERS) Appa?
- What's problem?

- Where's Pastor Nina?
- Washroom.

Look what I find upstair.

Hmm?

Why you take Pastor Nina's thing?

It's not her thing. It's Janet thing.

And it's good thing I find
before Pastor Nina find.

What you talking?
Why Janet have that thing?

Go put back in Pastor Nina
purse before she coming out.

I find under bed!

This is Janet's thing.

Pastor Nina is a pastor,

she's not married. What you talking?

- (FLUSHES)
- (GASPS)

Hurry, go, put back exactly.

- What if you wrong?
- What if you wrong? Hurry! Go!

(GRUNTS)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Pastor Nina...

(CHUCKLES)

Oh! Uh...

I need to ask special question.

Okay, what is it?

I was just thinking about Bible

and the Jesus and lots of thing.

And I was thinking...

Is dinosaur in Bible?

Oh. Uh...

Well, believe it or not, there are

a few possible references to
dinosaurs in the Bible. Yes.

It depends on the translation.

Okay, thank you.

Because translators,
if you think about it,

are only products
of their time and culture.

For example, a major
shortcoming of the Septuagint,

the Greek translation
of the Hebrew Bible,

was their complete lack
of attention to synonyms.

So, words like "mercy" and "compassion"

and "love" were often confused.

Who was the first defenseman to win

the NHL point-scoring title?

- Oh, my God, so easy.
- Jung.

NHL, it's Wayne Gretzky?

- Bobby Orr.
- Bobby Orr.

Bobby Orr.

- Why couldn't I get that one?
- Your spin.

SEMIRA: Geography.

Where is Hershey Chocolate produced?

- In a factory.
- No, like, where.

Oh, right... Uh, America.

- Can you be more specific?
- The United States of America.

It's kind of a trick question. Kind of.

The answer is in the question.

Oh, like Jeopardy!
Where is Chocolate Village?

No.

What is Jersey Milk?
Where is New Jersey?

- Pennsylvania.
- Really?

I thought it was its own state.

No, Hershey...

Pennsylvania. Hershey, Pennsylvania.

- JANET: There it is.
- (GRUNTS) Jung's on the board!

Oh, it was kind of a group effort.

Was that a two-spot question,
or one spot?

All the questions
are one spot questions.

Let him have the spots.

Good job, Jung.

Okay. I'm going out now.
Please don't wait up.

- Okay, night-night.
- Good night.

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

Ah-ha!

They still here,
so, they is Janet thing.

- We take.
- No "ah-ha."

One is missing,
so, it's a Pastor Nina thing.

- We leave.
- One is not missing.

Yeah, used be seven, now, is six.

Pastor Nina take one,
using for tonight.

Why would Pastor Nina
bring over to our house,

then hide under Janet's bed?
That doesn't make sense.

Why would Janet move out, come back,

hide under bed, do laundry,

"Hi, Appa. Hi, Umma,"
then go back to apartment

and not take?

That doesn't even more make sense!

You is in denial. Janet is adult.

Pastor Nina is modern woman.
She wear sneaker with skirt.

She have a blog. You don't
think she can't have condom?

What is glide technology?

Hmm?

Ask Pastor Nina. She know.

You think Pastor Nina
is still sleeping?

Maybe she tired from
vigorous nighttime activity.

Or maybe, she find Janet's thing,

and already, she's packing.

- Is not Janet's thing.
- PASTOR NINA: Morning.

UMMA: Oh, good morning, Pastor Nina.

How did you sleep?

Oh, like a log. I was spent.

Oh! So, you have fun time.

Oh, we have fun time, too.

Counting blessings, reading Bible.

This looks so good.

I might have to help myself
to extra bacon this morning.

- How fun is that?
- So fun. (CHUCKLES)

But be careful, sometimes,
two bacon stick together,

two flesh become one.

Right, Pastor Nina?

- Not right.
- Oh, no, he is right.

- Uh, Mark : .
- Yeah.

It is good to have such a big appetite

after such a busy night.

With a close friend? A special someone?

It was my friend, Steve.
We met at seminary years ago.

Oh. So, good Christian friend?

So, you know him in Bible way?

Well, I used to work
with his wife actually.

Oh. So, he is married?

Well, uh, no. Ex-wife. She and
I used to be good friends.

But not anymore?

No, unfortunately,
she was having an affair

with my now ex-husband.

Okay, maybe,
we stop asking question now.

No, no, it's okay.

Steve and I have
remained close friends.

It's our faith that has
kept us deeply connected.

He has an enormous spirit.

Mmm-hmm.

Well, I am going to take this
upstairs, if you don't mind.

Okay, if you want a shower...

No, no, no. I showered
when I got home last night.

I felt so dirty.

I am not going to lie to you.
It had been a while.

APPA: Hmm?

Since I showered with hot water.

Because of the renovation?

- Oh!
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Of course, renovation. Okay.

- Have good day.
- Thank you.

She not take any bacon.

Maybe she is saving fun for Steve.

Ah!

KIMCHEE: So, this cat, he's smaller,

but had way more heart than the others.

And he just... He just couldn't...

He couldn't find anyone to love him.

- Sounds pretty boring.
- Stupid cats.

Why do they even make movies like that?

All right. I'm heading out.
Call me about wing night.

Sure. I love wings.

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Looks like somebody had a good night.

Yeah, it was okay.

Hey, listen. Do you think I'm dumb?

What did she do to you in there?

No, seriously.

- Do you think I'm stupid?
- No.

Okay. Good.

I mean, like,
you're not dumb, dumb, but...

But what?

You're smart.

You're street smart, you're
girl smart, you eat smart...

You're just not, you know, book smart.

- What does that even mean?
- Book smart.

Like, you read a lot
and learn stuff from books.

I know what it means.

Okay, well, you never finished
high school, or a book.

I've finished books.

I just wouldn't say
you're very well read.

I may not read a lot of books,
but I'm well read.

Okay.

I read that Men's Health magazine

every time I use the bathroom.

Exactly.

Did you know that a weak core
is what keeps most guys

from lifting more weight
in a dead lift?

Did not know that.

(JUNG SIGHS)

Then under bed, we find
lots of package of condom.

Holy sh*t, Mr. Kim!

Stop yelling. What's your problem?

The mind boggles at the implications.

Either your daughter
is doing the nasty,

or your pastor is doing the nasty.

Either way, the nasty is getting done.

My daughter is not nasty.

How can you be sure? Janet's how old?

Only .

That's almost three in dog years.

When Ginger was two,
she was an innocent puppy.

But when she turn three,
I take her to the dog park

and bing bong, she open for business.

German shepherd, Chihuahua...

Janet is not dog. She is my daughter.

And you'll drive yourself
crazy worrying about her.

I got a dog walker.

Now, Ginger can do what she wants,

with whoever she wants,

it's none of my business.
Best money I ever spent.

Hi, Appa. Hey, Mr. Chin.

Oh, hi, Janet.

I'm just here to pick up a
few things from my room.

- I won't be long.
- Okay.

By the way,
what I told you about Ginger

was said in confidence.

What happens in the dog park,
stays in the dog park.

Oh, pretty thick book you got there.

Hey, how long does it usually take you

to finish something like that?

I don't know, like a day
or two. I just started.

- It's a cool story.
- You read it?

Oh, yeah, yeah, a while ago.

Food, religion, good soundtrack.

To the movie. Which I saw
after I read the book.

That book literally changed my life.

After my ex read it,
he broke up with me

and moved to India.

And coincidentally,
it's based on a true story.

Oh, why coincidentally?

Because she actually did those things.

What's the coincidence?

Have you seen
Elizabeth Gilbert's TED Talk?

Yeah, that's why I'm reading it.

- So good.
- Who's Elizabeth Gilbert?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Wha...

The author. Coincidentally.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, the author of this book.
Elizabeth Gilbert.

Yeah, yeah. She's amazing.

And Julia Roberts
plays her really, really well.

In the movie. Which I saw after.

Here's another fun fact.

Hershey Chocolate is made
in Hershey, Pennsylvania.

- JANET: Hi.
- Hi.

I just came to grab a few things.

Of course, it's your room.
I can leave if you want.

Oh, no, it's fine.

Speaking of grabbing a few things,

I thought you might want to take these.

Oh.

Is this a talk?

I assumed they're yours.
I found them under the bed.

Oh, my God. Sorry. Right.

(CHUCKLES)

They're just always giving
them away at school,

and I'm like, "Stop giving me
condoms already."

Not that I don't like them.

Just because...
Well, for a lot of reasons...

I totally get it.

- I'm on the pill. To regulate.
- Great.

And I know it does
not protect against STIs,

but what are you gonna do?

Use condoms I guess.

I'm just gonna keep grabbing
a few things.

I'm gonna keep folding laundry.

I brought a lot of European
authors and poetry.

I'm assuming this is to impress a girl?

No, I wanna actually read them.

Why?

I'm thinking
about finishing high school.

Getting my diploma online.

Wow. That's great.

Maybe it's stupid. I'm pretty busy.

No, you should do it.

You know how I get all the awards,

always make the honor roll,
Dean's List...

Yeah, I get it. You got
the brains, I got the looks.

Yeah, I'm really smart.

So, listen to me when I say
you can do this.

- Thanks.
- And you didn't get the looks.

Tell that to your friend, Jane.

- Jen!
- Oh! Ah...

Right. Chicken wing Jen.

What you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

- Making bed?
- Good.

Umma, maybe it's better we don't know.

Hmm? None of our business.

So, you admit it's Janet's thing?

I not say that.

(SIGHS)

Just think, even if condom
is still under bed...

- They're not, I check.
- Even if...

And Janet was here today,
picking up some...

Even if. Doesn't matter. Hmm?

Important thing is, we respect privacy.

(SIGHS)

Oh!

You're in my room.
Putting away my underwear.

And sock. This one need mending.

I can fix for you.

It's okay.

So, uh, good news.

I am going to be moving back
to my place tonight.

- Oh!
- They, uh, finish renovation?

No. I just thought
that you could use some space.

So, if you could leave those,

I will just finish packing up
and be on my way.

- Door is always open.
- Certainly seems to be.

(g*nshots IN VIDEO GAME)

Yo, after I'm done
winning World w*r II,

you wanna get some pho?

Not now. I'm reading
about the real World w*r II.

This is real, too. You got
chaos, brotherhood, and...

Yeah! My guy just sh*t a boat.

(VOCALIZES)

Did you know
that almost , Koreans

were brought into Japan
and forced into labor?

Did you know
if my guy upgrades to Officer,

my tanks move faster?

Just conquered North Africa.
Let's pho it up.

Nah, you go. I gotta learn this.

Oh!

So, you destroy Janet
at the next trivia night.

Nice.

It's for my "ged."

- Your what?
- My "ged."

It's like a high school diploma.

You mean your GED?

Yeah. A lot of people call it "ged."

Stop worry about Janet.

I not worry. Just, seem so young.

Janet know what she is doing.

How you know she know what she doing?

Because she is a smart girl.

And I have talk with her
when she was .

Ten?

Hmm. She ask where baby
come from, I tell her.

So, this is you fault. You
tell her too much, too young.

No. I prepare her.

Her body was changing, hair growing...

Okay, okay.

- Hmm.
- Hmm?

How old we each when we doing...

You know, first time?

When we is doing first time,

I was a little bit older than Janet.

- Why you say "we" like that?
- How I say "we"?

You say "we" like
when we doing first time,

isn't when you is doing first time.

Oh.

When "we" is doing first time,
was you doing first time?

- Yeah.
- Oh, okay. Good.

- (GRUNTS)
- Okay.

- Umma...
- Already sleeping.