23x01 - Mexican Joker

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

SINGER: ♪ Goin' down to Tegridy Farms,
gonna have myself a time ♪

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

♪ Goin' down to Tegridy Farms,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪

♪ There's ample parking day or night ♪

♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪

♪ I'm headin' down to Tegridy Farms ♪

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

TOWELIE: ♪ I got some weed and
I don't know what's going on ♪

SINGER: ♪ So come on down
to Tegridy Farms ♪

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

♪♪

RANDY: Some people like their
weed made the ol' fashioned way.

Here at Tegridy,
we believe weed is about people.

Over the past few months,
Tegridy has expanded

from the simple farm
house you see behind me,

to actually owning
the entire valley.

And I think you'll see on this tour

that even though our business has grown,

we've kept our weed simple.

It takes over a thousand plants

to make just one box of Tegridy weed.

There's Juan Carlos over there.

He's one of our newest employees.

Mornin', Juan Carlos.

[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]

What happens when you
combine science with Tegridy?

A lot of magic.

Here you can see
our latest growing methods

along with our science center.

And of course it wouldn't
be Colorado weed

without our Rocky Mountain
High tasting room.

Feel free to come back here later

and try all the Tegridy products.

Well, folks,
we hope you've enjoyed your tour.

There's a lot to buy here
in the gift shop,

And please do remember...
your tour guides work on tips.

Let's give me a big hand.

[APPLAUSE]

This sucks balls.

Ever since you guys moved,
everything just keeps changing.

I mean, how are us kids supposed
to have any hope anymore?

All I think about is all the problems
our generation is inheriting.

Climate change, over fishing, Kyle...

I mean, how are we supposed
to get happy about anything?

Hey, there, Stan.
You input all the weed orders?

Yeah, it's all right here.

Oh, huh...

This looks like our orders
are actually... down.

You sure you did that right?

Yeah, I went through it twice.

People aren't ordering
as much as last month.

Not ordering as much?

What the hell is going on?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, hey, Randy!

Howdy, Stephen! How you been gettin' on?

Good! How's life out in
the valley treating you?

Oh, it's early mornins'
and lots a hard work,

but I gotta do what's
best for my youngins.

I noticed you hadn't supplied up
in a while, Stephen,

so I thought I'd deliver
your weed to you personally.

Oh... yeah, no, I actually hadn't

ordered any in a while.

Why not?

You're not gettin' all
sober on us are ya?

No, I just... well,
here let me show you.

What'dya think?

I started growing my own
plants a couple weeks ago.

I totally get it.
It's a really fun hobby.

That's Diego, my gardener.

Oh. [CHUCKLES]

Hey.

f*ck you.

What?

Is my weed not good enough for you?

Something wrong with Tegridy?

No, I just started kind
of getting into it.

I just enjoy the whole...

You're stealing my idea, Stephen!

Come on, growing marijuana
is not your idea.

Yeah-huh! While you assholes
were all screwing around,

I went out and made a living!

When you grow your own pot,

you're taking weed out
of my children's mouths!

Oh, hey, guys!

Sorry, the front door was
open so I just walked on in.

Seeing if I could still get
those seeds from you, Stephen.

What seeds?!

Oh, I was gonna try my
hand at growing some weed,

and Stephen said he'd
give me some of his seeds

to get started.

f*ck you guys!

I'll get you for this, Stephen.

You mess with my Tegridy,
then I'm gonna mess with you!

[SAD MUSIC PLAYING]

♪♪

[AIR HISSING]

♪♪

You alright there, partner?

Kids are being handed a
world that's broken and sick.

We aren't the ones who
messed this planet up,

but we're the ones who
will pay the price.

Okay. You have a nice day.

♪♪

[SIREN WAILING]

Por favor no!
Por favor no mas quiero trabajar!

This is inhumane! Diego is my gardener.

[SLURPS]

What's going on?

This is an I.C.E. raid, son.

- You need to keep back.
- Put him in my car.

What did that guy do?

Somebody called in an anonymous tip

that he might be here illegally.

No! No te lo puedes llevar!
Es mi esposo! Mi esposo!

Papa! Papa, no! Papa!

Wife goes in the van,
kids can go with Donovan.

Who called you people?!

It was Randy Marsh, wasn't it?!

We're just doing our job, sir.

If the family checks out,

we'll release them from
their detention centers.

Detention centers?

Well, this is nice!

When did we start doing this?

Kids go to LS .

So anyone can make an anonymous tip,

and you can round up
families and send them away?

Nobody told me about this.
I thought everything sucked now!

Do you have a card?

- [INDISTINCT TALKING ON TELEVISION]
- [PHONE RINGING]

What do you want?

Do you remember last week

you called me a butthole
in front of Suzie Tobler?

Yeah, 'cause you were
gonna snap her bra.

I want you to apologize

for every time you've been
a d*ck to me, Kyle.

f*ck you.

Oh! Are you sure you don't
want to take that back?

Okay, Kyle,
just remember I gave you a chance.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Are you done now? Can I hang up?

[IKE CRYING]

. We've breached the front door.

- Hello.
- Mommy! Mommy!

Excuse me. What is going on?

[g*n COCKS]

. On the first floor.

Who are you people?!

We're I. C. E., ma'am.

We're American citizens.

Just doing our job, sir.

If you check out, you'll be released

from the detention centers.

Get the f*ck out of my house!

[IKE CONTINUES CRYING]

Mom! Dad!

This is ridiculous!

You can't take our
children away from us!

[MUNCHING]

[CHUCKLES]

That's so sweet.

You guys take the parents,
we'll take the kids.

Come on, you!

[GRUNTING]

No! You will not take
my children from me!

[CHUCKLES]

No way.

I'm telling you I just don't
know where are passports are!

Then we have to detain you.

If you're legal,
you can sort it all out on Monday.

Monday?!

[IKE CONTINUES CRYING]

God dammit, Cartman!

Ike! You can't do this!

"What's happened to our country?

People are being wronged
by a broken system,

and we must say "no more."

No more homegrown marijuana."

Yeah! That's right!

Yeah! That's right I agree!
Me too! Yeah, right!

"As the son of a proud American farmer,

I am concerned about what
homegrown can lead to.

People can grow weed wrong
and poison themselves."

- What?
- Yeah! That's right!

Yeah, come on!

"Unscrupulous growers
could use cheap irrigation

and drown babies." Oh, come on.

That's right! Drown babies!

Yeah, drown babies!
That's right. Drown babies.

"The fact is simple... marijuana
must be grown with Tegriddy."

Tegridy.

Tegridy.

[INHALES]

Stupid government!

How can they sit there and
look a child in the face

and say it's fine for people
to grow their own weed?

Aww, why does it matter?

Why does it... [SCOFFS]

Am I the only person here

who understands what this will do to us?

Yeah, but, Dad, you're gonna piss off
everybody in South Park.

You know what?

f*ck South Park.

f*ck South Park?

Yeah, I'm sick of it!

I'm just... I'm done.

I don't give two shits about South Park.

All that matters is Tegridy Farms now!

I don't know if you wanna
say f*ck South Park...

♪♪

[BRAKES HISS]

Good day, children! My name is Jeff.

Buenas dias ninos, me llamo "Heff-e."

We know you've been
separated from your families.

Tu familia no esta aqui.
Es Triste. Tu kri. Tu kri.

But we want you to get a little excited

about the fun we have in store for you.

Aqui es maravillosa! Divertida!

Everyone, please take your
own piece of aluminum foil.

Papel de aluminio por favor.

All new kids, el nombre...

line up and announce
when your name is read.

- Martinez!
- Aqui.

- Aquilar.
- Aqui.

Broflovski.

Here!

Broflovski...
Is that an El Salvadorean name?

No, I'm Jewish.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

What?! How did a Jew get in here?

I'm just here because some
fat intolerant assh*le

didn't want me around!

Yeah, that's why I'm here too.

Yeah, me too.

Oh, boy.
We gotta get this kid out of here.

People might think we're r*cist.

♪♪

Uh, sorry, tours are at
: and : and : .

Oh, we're not here for a tour.

We represent a billion
dollar marijuana company.

Oh, I told you rich city folk before.

You can't buy Tegridy.

You seem to be fighting
the same fight we are.

We just want to help you.

[INHALES] Ever heard of Med Men?

Yeah, I think so.

[INHALES] What do you want with me?

Well, we have a common problem.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

Homegrown weed.

We're just worried about safety...

you know [INHALES]

babies drowning in irrigation 'n such.

Yeah, I hate watching babies drown.

[INHALES]

Seems like a waste of a good baby.

We're glad you agree. [INHALES]

Now what...

[INHALING DEEPLY]

So you guys wanna put our money together

and we go f*ck this town up

so nobody can ever grow
their own weed again?

I'm totally in.

[EXHALES]

Sorry for our little mistake.

We're going to get you on your
way home as soon as we can.

What about all the other kids?
When do they get to go home?

Hey, when it's raining,
you gotta roll up the windows.

We understand these things
are hard for your people.

My people?!

Aren't you worried about
what you're creating here?

What do you mean?

You're pulling children
away from their parents

and isolating them behind bars.

Yes.

You're traumatizing them

and teaching them to fear
the U. S. government.

Correct.

Okay, let me try to put this

in terms you people will understand.

You know superhero movies, right?

Pssh, yeah!

Okay, you remember how they
always create the villain?

Some random person, who,
when they were a child,

got taken from their
parents and locked away?

And the kid was just left
to sit and plan revenge?

What you're doing here is
creating a Mexican Joker.

♪♪

And what's a Mexican Joker gonna do?

He's gonna grow up and have memories

of being wronged by you,
and he will grow and wait,

and then finally...
fight back with a passion

unlike anything you've ever seen!

Which one of them do you
think is Mexican Joker?

No, it could be any of them!
That's the point!

You don't know which kid
in there is gonna snap

from being separated and
locked down like this!

But... doesn't Mexican Joker understand

that we we're just doing our job

and trying to make America great?

Mexican Joker doesn't care!

When that kid grows up,
all that will matter is

getting back at all of you.

Well, what would Mexican Joker...

David can I talk to you alone, please?
Excuse us kid.

[NO SOUND]

Now, the most important
thing is that we've got to

keep this quiet!

We can't let Mexican Joker
know that we're on to him.

If... If we could interrogate the kids,
maybe we could get a lead.

You know, just scare them a little.

Yeah, unless that's just
what he wants us to do.

What are you saying?

I'm saying what if he is
on Mexican Joker's side.

[KEYBOARD CLACKING]

Hey, Randy, did you go make a deal

with another weed company?

[SIGHING] Yes, Towelie,

I'm working on a merger with Med Men.

Med Men?! But those guys are posers!

We have a deal in the
works to help each other

put a stop to home
growers once and for all.

Jesus. You know, I knew a guy once

who thought weed should
be for everybody,

a guy who believed in integrity!

I don't understand who
you even are any more!

That's because I am the
president of the company,

and you are a towel!

You're a towel!

What is wrong with trying
to protect our business?!

Because weed isn't supposed to be

some money grubbing business model!

It's a gift from God,

and not something to be exploited

by some stupid towel!

I am not a towel!

Yeah. Yeah, sure thing, Randy.

You're not a towel.

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

[PIANO PLAYING]

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
My name is Princess Star,

for I shine like all the
stars in the night sky.

[NORMAL VOICE] Kids,
let's all say hi to Princess star!

Hi, Princess Star!

[MEXICAN ACCENT] Ha, ha, ha!
It's me, Mexican Joker!

[NORMAL VOICE] Oh, no!
Everyone boo Mexican Joker, kids!

Boo!

Boo!

[MEXICAN ACCENT] I am
filled with anger and rage

for what happened to me as a child,

so now I will k*ll and r*pe you all!

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] But, Mexican Joker,

you forget the magic word:

forgiveness.

_

[MEXICAN ACCENT] I don't
care about forgiveness!

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
But you were a migrant

from another country,
and we had to protect

our borders and secure our jobs!

[MEXICAN ACCENT] I don't care!
I'm going to r*pe you now!

[GRUNTING]

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Oh, no!
No! What about forgiveness?

[MEXICAN ACCENT] No forgiveness!

[NORMAL VOICE] Boo!
That's enough Mexican Joker!

Your rage and your anger
have made you a bad person

in the eyes of Christ!

I know your life was hard as a kid,

but everyone has hard times.

[BELL RINGING]

Another bus load coming in!

Another busload?! Oh, criminy!

Welcome, children, my name is Jeff.

Hola, niños, me llamo Jefe.

Oh, hey, Kyle.

What the f*ck are you doing here?!

So weak. Jimmy pissed me off

'cause he told the teacher
I was texting in class,

so I told Jimmy I'd have him sent
to a migrant detention center.

He didn't believe me, so I said,
"Oh, I already did it to Kyle,"

and Stan heard that and got pissed off

and had me sent to a
migrant detention center.

I haven't seen my parents in two weeks!

Nobody even knows where
my little brother is!

I know. I know it sucks.

But we're stuck in here together.

Come on, guys! All we have to do
is try to make the most of it!

♪ It's a hard-knock life for us ♪

♪ It's a hard-knock life for us ♪

Hey, you gonna buy a towel
or just stare at them?

I'm not a towel!

Go on! Get out of here!

[GROANING]

Yeah, you know,
I think I'll just grow my own weed.

Oh, yeah, I'm growing my own weed.

I enjoy growing my own weed now.

I'll grow my own weed.

- My own weed.
- I'll grow my own weed.

- My own weed...
- My own weed...

I said get out of here if
you aren't buying towels!

- I'll grow my own weed.
- My own weed.

- I'll grow my own weed.
- I'll grow my own weed.

I can grow my own weed.

Aah! Aah! Aaaaah!

- [ELECTRICITY ZAPPING]
- [MUFFLED CHATTERING]

Hey! Hey,
what the hell are you guys doing?!

Oh, hey, Jeff. Rodgers read an article

about how electroshock
therapy can help people

who've gone through
traumatic experiences.

We figured some treatments
could help Mexican Joker

deal with his trauma.

Are you guys completely stupid?!

We can't perform shock therapy

on every child that comes in here!

Think of the budgetary restraints!

To hell with the cost, Jeff!

If Mexican Joker
doesn't have flashbacks,

then he doesn't grow
up to become a monster!

What if this is the flashback?!

We might be in the flashback, Dave!

Maybe you're shocking the child

that grows up to be Mexican Joker!

[ELECTRICITY ZAPPING]

Oh, God. I don't know
which way is up anymore!

We can't fight this guy alone, Dave.

It's time to alert the m*llitary.

♪ Don't it feel like the
wind is always howlin'? ♪

♪ Don't it feel like
there's never any light? ♪

♪ Santa never comes for me ♪

♪ Santa Clause no esta aquí ♪

Oh, come on, Kyle!

I know it's no fun to be in here,

but you can't think about yourself,

think about the greater good.

Now, when you don't like people,

you can have them taken from
their families and put into camps!

Why does that make you... [GASPS]

Oh, my God.

Oh, Jesus, Kyle. I totally
forgot you're a...

Of course you're extra
sensitive to this stuff.

Oh, dude, I am sorry.

Oh, my God. Kyle, I didn't even

make the connection, you know?

I was just like, "Oh,
I'm gonna have Kyle

thrown in a detention camp!
That'll be sweet!"

and I didn't stop to think that...

for you guys, it's not that sweet.

Man, if I had just thought it through

for like two more minutes,

I would have got you
back some other way.

I feel terrible, Kyle.

Wait. I have an idea how to
get everyone out of here.

Get everyone's aluminum
foil and some scissors.

Why, Kyle? What are you gonna do with...

Just do it before I k*ll you!

Aluminum foil and some scissors.

That was a great dinner, honey.

What do you want to do for dessert?

Hey, how about I cut us down

some of our homegrown weed,
and we get baked?

I'm in.

[INSECTS CHIRPING]

♪♪

[VEGETATION RUSTLES]

Is someone there?

Huh.

Jack? Everything alright?

Yeah, you want a normal
size or a big fatty?

Jack!

A brutal act of terror
in an American town.

Tonight, innocent people
were att*cked at their homes

in their yards, and the FBI believes

they know who is responsible.

The probable suspect...

Mexican Joker.

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

Yes, that's right. Joining me now is

Commander Miller of national defense.

We've only recently learned
of Mexican Joker's existence.

- [GROANING]
- He has no reason.

- He has no compassion.
- [GROANING]

Mexican Joker simply
wants to invoke fear.

We are advising people to stay inside.

Oh, Captain... Uh, Captain,
what made Mexican Joker this way?

Why is Mexican Joker
so filled with hate?

Well, it's most likely something
that happened to him as a child.

Whatever bent Mexican
Joker's mind this way,

it clearly happened a...
long... long time ago...

[HARP PLAYING]

Oh, sh*t! It's the flashback!

This is the flashback?!

It's the flashback! Come on!

Something must be
happening with the kids!

Oh, Christ! Look!

[SPEAKING HEBREW]

He's converted them all to Judaism!

[ALL REPEAT HEBREW]

Oh, Jesus! They're all Jews

with their little
aluminum-foil yarmulkes!

Jeff, do you know what this means?!

Now we'll have to let them all go!

This is how Mexican Joker breaks free!

That's right. It is!

Whoa!

Mexican Joker,
I just want you to remember

that I helped you, Jeff Corrigan.

Remember... Jeff was your buddy.

Now, come on! Let's go Mexican Joker!

God damn it!
Nobody here is Mexican Joker!

That's not what I meant!

The future is not set!

We make decisions now
that affect our future!

Nobody here is Mexican Joker?

No!

Ooh, then I'm in the wrong flashback!

[MULTIPLE DOORS OPENING]

[CAR DOOR OPENS, TIRES SQUEAL]

Well, g*ng...

looks like Tegridy farms is
turning big profits again.

We're on our way to becoming

the biggest weed brand in the country.

I'm not getting pushed
around anymore, you got it?

So, go on.

Anybody here wants to call me a towel,

just go ahead and do it!

Go on, Sharon. Call me a towel.

Fine. You're a towel.

Best towel you ever had, bitch!