04x10 - Ricky's Contract

[bunniefuu]

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

Good morning, Lucy.

Hi.
Hi.

I'll get the rent money.

How did you know what we wanted?

Listen, there's just one thing

that'll put a smile like that

on Fred's face.

Now, Fred, this is my big day.

I get to hold some money for a few
minutes.

Oh.
That's long enough.

Any word?

Not yet.

I wonder why.

Who knows.

How's he?

Just awful.

No kidding.

Getting worse.

What are you talking, shorthand?

Pay attention.

I was asking her if Ricky had heard

from Hollywood about his screen test.

Oh, that's right.
Any word?

Not yet.
Wonder why.

Don't know.

Too bad.

Aah, you got me doing it now!

You know, that talent scout made a
big, fat mistake.

Mr. Benjamin?
What did he do?

Oh, he told Ricky that he'd hear from
Hollywood

in a couple of weeks.

It's been more than two weeks now

and Ricky's absolutely frantic.

Yeah, that wasn't so smart.

Ricky's got nothing to worry about.

He's a cinch to get that contract.

I wish he was as sure of that as you
are.

You'll see.

Oh, I got to go and put this away.

See you later, honey.
Okay, dear.

What was that all about?

Oh, he's gone to put the money

in his secret hiding place.

Do you mean to tell me

he hides that money someplace and
doesn't tell you

where it is?
That's right.

Why, I should think that would drive
you crazy.

It used to.

But confidentially

one day I took the whole house apart

and finally found the secret hiding
place.

Good girl.

How long have you known?

years.

Ha, ha!

(chuckling)

Gee, I'm sorry Ricky's so upset

about not hearing from Hollywood.

Yeah, we were talking about it last
night.

He says this whole thin' has him on
pins and niddles.

Aw...

And you should see the way he is
about that telephone.

He even takes it to bed with him.

No kidding.

Yeah.

Breakfast is ready, dear!

Lucy!

Yeah?

Oh.

I'm sorry, dear.

Hi, Ricky.

Good morning, dear.

(grunts)

Well, here's the morning paper.

(grunts)

(sighs)

(glass tinkling)

Hello? Hello?
Hello?

Honey...

(tinkling)

The rest you'll have to do yourself.

I'm not hungry.

Aw, come on now, you have to eat
something.

You didn't eat any dinner last night.

I can't help... but I can't eat

until I find out about this thin'.

(phone rings)

Hello?

No, she's not here.

Who's not here?

You.

Who was that?!

Caroline Appleby.

No wonder I haven't been getting any
calls

for a couple of days.

Have you been telling everybody I
wasn't here?

I got to keep this line open.

How about that? I've been cut off
from the world.

Oh, hi, Ethel.

Ah, Rick, here's your mail.

Oh!

Nothing from Hollywood.

What's the matter?

Don't you trust me?

I trust you.

You'd think they'd let me know.

I've been waiting over two weeks now.

What are you kicking about?

I've been waiting to hear from
Hollywood for years!

Here's your mail, Lucy.

Oh, is there anything for...

No. He's in bad shape.

And getting worse all the time.

The poor thing's about to explode.

(sighing)

Well, he just can't go on like this.

We're gonna have to do something to
get his mind off it.

What?

Well, why don't we go in there

and just sort of be gay, you know?

Tell him funny stories, make him
laugh.

It won't work.

It might.
It's worth a try.

Come on.

All right.

Hi, Ricky.

Hi, Rick, ol' pal, what's new?

Hi, Ricky!

Uh, did I tell you the funny thing

I heard on television the other
night?

No. What was it?

Well, this fellow was big game
hunting in Africa,

and he sh*t an elephant in his
pajamas

and this dumb girl said, "Well, how
in the world

did an elephant ever get into your
pajamas?"

(guffawing)

(laughing out loud)

That's kind of funny, Rick.

Please, not on an empty stomach.

Well, uh, I heard a funny one last
night, Rick.

Uh, uh... uh, comic on television,

he was giving the weather report

and he said, uh, "Tomorrow, muggy,

"followed by 'tueggy,' 'weggy'

'thurggy,' 'friggy' and 'saggy.'"

(laughing): "Saggy"!

Why, that's (guffawing) funny,
Ricky.

(laughter subsides)

You think it's out of order?

He didn't even hear you.

I heard him. "Muggy, tueggy,
saggy..."

(muttering): Very funny.

Well, uh, how about this one?

Uh.... there was a fella, see, a...

a traveling salesman,

and, he, uh, he comes up to this
farmhouse...

Fred!

Well, it's the only one I can think
of.

Um... did you ever see

my imitation of a Pekinese?

A Pekinese?!

Yeah. Oh!

Want to see it? Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Isn't that funny, Rick?

You know what always makes me feel
good

when I'm down in the dumps?

What? No.

A community sing.

That's a Yeah. swell idea!

Good old community sing, yeah.
Shall we sing?

Yeah.
Okay.

What do we sing?

Uh, how about "When You're Smiling"?

Okay. Good.

Oh, when you're smiling

When you're smiling

the whole world smiles with you.

Everybody sing!

When you're happy

Oh, when you're happy

The sun keeps shining through

And when you're crying

Da, da, da, da

And when you're smiling...

Everybody sing!

When you're smiling

Oh, when you're smiling

The whole world smiles...
with... you...

Ricky... Ricky, why don't you do
something?

Why don't you go someplace?

Now, why don't you go down to
rehearsal?

Oh, I don't know. Yeah.

I don't want to...

Oh, look, I promise,

I'll call you the minute I hear
anything, huh?

Word of honor?

Word of honor.

Now, go on, go on, scat, scat.

Go on, Rick.

Now, be sure you call me.

(Ricky screams, phone dropping)

Now, how can you call me

when you don't even have the phone
here?!

Are you going to skip your number?

No, no, we'll do my number.

But it's such a bright number and you
feel so lousy.

Never mind the way I feel.

Just play the music, I'll sing the
song.

(lilting intro playing)

Not so far from here, there's a very
lively atmosphere

Everybody's going there this year

And there's a reason

The season never closes there

Love and music you'll find everywhere

People always having fun down there,
so come along.

(music)

I'm on my way to Cuba

That's where I'm going

(music)

Cuba, that's where I'll stay

Cuba, where wine is flowing

And where dark-eyed Stellas light the
fellow's panatelas

Cuba, where is all happy

(music)

Cuba, where all is gay

Why don't you plan a wonderful trip

To Havana, hop on a ship

And I'll see you in C-u-b-a!

Why don't you plan a wonderful trip

To Havana, hop on a ship

And I'll see you in C-u-b-a!

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I'm just baby-sitting

until she gets back from the beauty
parlor.

Okay, I'll leave a message that you
called.

Good-bye.

(phone rings)

Hello.

No, she's not home.

No, nothing's wrong, dear.

It's just that Ricky hasn't let her
use the phone

for a few days; he's expecting an
important call.

Lucy's quite a talker, you know,

especially when she gets wound up

with one of her gabby friends, like
Caroline.

I'll leave a message you called,
Marge.

Oh, Caroline!

Oh, uh...

Well, I'll leave a message that you
called, Caroline, dear.

Ethel, aren't we ever gonna have
lunch?

It's just a little after : .

But we always eat at : ,

and my stomach's growling.

Well, tell your stomach, lunch is
gonna be a little late today.

Did you hear that, Charlie?

Oh, now, Fred, I'm baby-sitting.

I can't leave till Lucy gets back.

And brother, I hope it's soon.

I'm getting writer's cramp.

All those people that Ricky hung up
on

finally got through.

Look at the messages.

Isn't it a shame one of these isn't
from Hollywood?

Yeah...

Wait a minute.

Wait a ding-dong minute.

Give me that pad.

What are you gonna do?

Just watch the old mastermind.

What are you doing?

There.

"Hollywood called-- you got the job."

What do you think?

I think the old master

has lost his mind.

Don't you get it?

We'll leave it for Lucy, she'll call
Ricky,

tells him the good news,

he stops worrying, and everything is
rosy.

Especially your nose after he hits
you.

Oh...

He's gonna get the job-- he's a
cinch--

and when the real news comes,

he'll thank us for saving him all
these hours of worry.

Well, supposing he doesn't get the
job?

But he will.

Well, supposing he doesn't?

Oh, well, anyway, he's been a moving
picture star

for two or three days and that's
something.

No, Fred.

Oh, Ethel...

Give me one good reason.

Well, first of all, it sounds like
one of Lucy's ideas,

and second...

Hold it. That's enough for me.

Look, why don't you go on over

and fix yourself a couple of
sandwiches.

That'll tide you over till lunch.

You're the cook in our family.

I'm gonna wait for you.

Okay.

(phone rings)

Hello.

Hi, Sue.

No, she isn't here.

Okay. What's your number?

Oh, just a minute.

Hi. What's that number?

Circle-seven- .

Wait a minute, here she is.

Oh, boy, am I glad you're back.

This phone's been ringing off the
hook.

You've got a thousand messages.

Who's this? Sue.

Oh, thanks.

I'll see you later.

I gotta go fix fatso some lunch.

Okay. Thanks, Ethel.

Hi, Sue.

Oh, yeah, I know.
Isn't it awful?

Ricky wouldn't let me talk on the
phone.

Well, he's at rehearsal now.

We got time for a nice, long chat.

Oh, really?
Tell me all about it.

Uh-huh.

No kidding.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Really?

Oh.

Uh-huh.

I don't believe it.

Yeah. Oh...

Oh, Sue!

Sue, you'll have to call me back!

Ethel! Fred!

Oh, Ricky.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Oh, how wonderful.

Oh... oh, this is wonderful.

Ricky, Hollywood called and you got
the job!

Oh, isn't it wonderful, honey?

I love you.

(smooches)

What, dear?

Well, who is this?

Oh. Well, well, Marco, Marco,

be sure and give him the message as
soon as he comes in.

It's very important.
Have him call me, huh?

Well, you remember Mr. Benjamin, the
talent scout?

Yeah, well, the whole thing happened

when Mr. Benjamin arrived here...

Honestly, of all the dumb ideas,

wanting to leave a phony message.

All right, all right.

How about a little less gab and a
little more grub?

In the first place, it's terribly
cruel

and in the second place...

In the second place,

why don't you keep quiet in the first
place?

Okay.

Here you are.

Now, I don't trust you.

Give me that message.

I haven't got it.

Give me that message!

I want to tear it up before someone
sees it by mistake.

But I don't have it; I gave it to
you.

You didn't...

Oh, that's right...
and then I...

Oh, no!

Now, what, dear?

Oh, I must have left it by the
telephone!

Come on!

No, you go ahead.

I want to eat my lunch.

I want you to be with me.

In case she's already seen it,

then you can help me explain.

Come on.

Patience, Charlie, patience.

Yeah. Well, you be sure and have him
call me, huh, Marco?

It's very important. Bye.

Oh, boy, isn't that wonderful!

Oh! Lucy...

Oh, are you the sly one, Ethel Mertz!

Uh....

Oh, what a sense of humor,

letting me find this message all by
myself!

Oh, honey, isn't that wonderful?

Uh...
Hollywood! Hollywood!

Oh, we're gonna have a great big
house

and we're gonna give great big
parties

and we're gonna invite lots of movie
stars

and we're gonna have a big, splashy
swimming pool

and there I am, in my mink bathing
suit

up on top of the high diving board...

Lucy, don't dive in!

Huh?

There's no water in the pool.

In fact, there's no pool.

What are you talking about?

Well... uh...

You tell her, Fred.

Ethel, what's the matter?

Uh... Fred wrote that note.

Oh, did Fred answer the phone?

No. Uh...

Lucy, there was no call from
Hollywood.

What?!

It was just an idea I had.

I thought if we gave, uh, uh, Ricky

some kind of a phony message

that, uh, he'd stop worrying

and then when the real message
came...

Oh, no!

I told him it was a lousy idea.

I took the note and I was gonna tear
it up,

and by mistake, I left it by the
telephone.

Can you ever forgive us?

No!

Now, listen, it could've been worse.

You might've called Ricky.

Yeah...
Ricky!

Ricky!

No, you didn't!

Oh, I did.
He wasn't in,

but I told Marco to give him the
message.

Oh, no.

Marco, remember what I told you

about Hollywood a few minutes ago?

Well, listen. What?

Oh. Well, Mr. Green, wh-where is
everybody?

He did?

Oh.

Oh, no. Thanks. Thanks.

Yeah, yeah, we're very happy about
it.

Yeah, good-bye.

What happened?

Ricky's taken the whole band over to
Lindy's to celebrate.

Oh... Oh...

This is awful.

You bet it's awful!

And it's all your fault.

How could you do such a stupid thing
as write that?!

Now, don't try to pin it onto me.

It was Ethel's fault.
She left it here.

It is not my fault.

No, Fred, it's your fault.

How could you do that?!

I didn't know what I was doing.

I was half-crazed with hunger.

Oh, Fred...

I told you it was your fault.

Oh, never mind, Ethel.

Doesn't matter whose fault it is.

It's done.

Now, the important thing is, which
one of you

is gonna tell Ricky?

Come on, Fred, I'll fix you some more
lunch.

All right. Oh, no, you don't!

You're gonna stay right here and face
the music.

Not me.

Why not? You did it.

Okay. Tell him I did it.

First he'll have to find me.

Me, too.

Wait a minute.

How come I get left holding the bag?

I didn't do anything.

Well, that's life.

Come on, Ethel.

All right, all right.

I'll tell him.

Really?

If you stay here and give me moral
support.

Okay.

Of course, when I tell him,

I'll be holding little Ricky.

He wouldn't hit a woman with a baby
in her arms.

Oh, that's a great idea.

I'll just say, "Ricky, it's all a
mistake, dear.

"You didn't really get any call from
Hollywood.

"Fred wrote the note and Ethel
accidentally left it here

and I innocently called you..."

FRED: Now, wait a minute.
I'll stay on one condition.

What's that?

When you come to "Fred wrote the
note",

you hand me the baby.

And then when you get to the part,

"Ethel accidentally left it by the
phone" and you hand...

Never mind, never mind.

Just forget all about the baby.

Now, look, crazy things like this
happen.

Ricky's just gonna have to accept it.

Now, the three of us are gonna stay
right here

and tell him exactly what happened,
okay?

All right, sit down. All
right.

(sighs)

(sighs)

Now, look, there's nothing to worry
about.

We're just gonna tell him the truth.

Just sit back and relax.

Sit back and relax!

Oh, I wonder what's keeping him.

Maybe he hopped a plane to Hollywood?

No. Now, listen, when he does come
in,

try to act natural.

Don't, don't act as though something
terrible has happened.

(doorbell buzzing)
Oh, no, we won't. We'll be...

(doorbell buzzing)

(doorbell buzzing)

Why is he ringing the bell?

Maybe it isn't Ricky.

Oh, you're right, you're right.

Hello, baby!

Well, we finally made it.

We're gonna take Hollywood by storm.

Ha, ha, California, here I come!

How do you like it, huh?

Uh...

Isn't this the most, huh?

Yeah.

Um... Ricky?

Yes?

Uh, w-w-we three have something to
say to you.

Yes?

I, uh...

I really don't know how to say it.

Well... I'll say it for you.

I know what you want and the answer
is yes.

You three want to organize my first
fan club.

The Ricky Ricardo Fan Club Number
One.

Yes, you may have the sharter.

How-how about that?

We got the sharter.

Well, I guess there's only one thing
to do.

What's that?

I'm gonna get my autograph book.

Oh, me, too!

(chuckling)

Uh... uh, excuse me, star.

Where are you going?

To get my autograph book.

I left it in Indiana.

You can't leave now.

We have to tell him.

I can't tell him.

He looks just like Buddy Rogers.

Oh...

Now, listen, either we all march in
there together

and tell him the truth

or I'm gonna tell him that you wrote
the note

and that you left it there purposely!

(gasps)

Now, do we march?

Forward, march!

Ricky...

Yes?

We three have some...

Excuse me.

Get back here.

Now we're going in there again

and this time you're gonna march in
front.

Now march!

Forward, march!

Pretty, eh?

Ah, this is just the beginning.

Wait till I get to Hollywood.

I'm gonna make that Crosby look like
a bum.

Ricky, I-I-I can't stand anymore.

What-what's the matter, honey?

What can't you stand?

Uh, about that message I left for you
at the club...

Oh... yes, darling.

I-I should apologize for that.

I-I meant to call you, but...
well, I got carried away.

After I talked to Mr. Benjamin,

I took all the boys down to Lindy's
to celebrate.

Yeah, well, that's just it.

Mr. Benjamin?

You talked to Mr. Benjamin?!

Yeah. He wanted me to ask you
something.

He had only gotten the wire
minutes before.

How did you know?

Well, uh...

Have you got a friend at the
telegraph office?

Good!

Yeah. Yeah!

Yeah, that's it.

I-I got a friend at the telegraph
office.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, we really did hear from
Hollywood today.

We heard from Hollywood!

We heard... Get up!

We heard from Hollywood!

We heard...

(cheering)

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
Production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at this same
time.