03x04 - Adam's Wall Hole Bowl

[bunniefuu]

Hey.

Hey, honey.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

This whole area here is Donny Land.

(CHUCKLES): Don...

she can put her stuff on your desk.

Well, what if I have to tell a story?

I talk with my hands.

That's how I paint a picture.

Okay, well, maybe paint a
picture of you working. Hmm?

It'll be a one-of-a-kind.

Come on, honey,

you can put your stuff over here.

Well, that's sweet, honey,
but, you know, I work here now;

I feel like I should have my own desk.

I wish we could, but
if we give you a desk,

someone else is gonna
have to give theirs up.

Oh. Hmm. I see.

What?

He's your brother. She's your wife.

I'm screwed.

Do you know what I had
to do to earn this desk?

Months of dodging and ducking my way

through this guy's endless stories.

(CHUCKLES)

What are you laughing at?

I don't know. You made
fun of Don; I liked it.

Lowell, you seem a bit on edge.

I'm just not giving up this desk.

It's all I have. I'm
not losing it, not today!

Hey, nobody's gonna take your desk.

- Thank you.
- Okay.

Okay, you feel better now?

Yes.

It won't happen again.

- Okay.
- Good.

Who the flip took my
flipping pencil sharpener?!

All right,

L... Lowell, take it easy.

I don't think you're really
mad about the pencil sharpener

or the desk.

ANDI: Maybe you're having trouble

adjusting to being single

since you and your wife split up.

Jeepers. I never thought of that.

The greatest minds in the world

have come together to
figure out the obvious!

(PENCIL SHARPENER WHIRRING)

Is that Lowell's pencil sharpener?

I couldn't give it
back; I was in too deep.

Mom, I have to build a solar
system for my science class.

Again? You already know this stuff.

How many planets are
in the solar system?

A billion.

Two?

(CLEARS THROAT)

Okay, we'll work on it this weekend.

- It's due tomorrow.
- Of course it is.

Okay, well, I-I'll get your
dad to do it when he gets home.

Oh, you know what'll be fun?

I'll say we told him about it last week.

(DOOR OPENS)

- Hey, guys.
- Hi.

(CHUCKLES) So, get this.

Lowell placed an order
with the lumberyard today,

and he got all weepy when they asked

if we were doing
his-and-hers closets.

He is getting really
good prices, though.

He's too lonely, all by
himself in that apartment.

I got to stop by there and, well,

see if I can snap him out of it.

- Tonight?
- Mm-hmm.

(HISSING INHALE) But...

last week you promised Teddy
you'd build him a solar system.

I know.

I remember.

I listen.

But shouldn't you do this
one? I mean, last night

I had to clean dog poop
off of Emme's shoe, again.

I think she just jumps
from pile to pile.

Well, while you were cleaning her shoes,

I hemmed Kate's band uniform

to make it shorter.

Longer.

I made it longer, like a pilgrim.

All right,

forget Lowell... I'll
do the solar system.

I already got it all planned out,

because I've been thinking about it

ever since you mentioned it last week.

No. I like that you want
to go check on your friend,

so I will create the universe.

A woman probably did it anyway.

Man, you guys are too busy.

The only thing I did last night
was binge-watch Fantasy Island.

And all I can say is,

be careful what you wish for.

- Heh. That sounds like a night, huh?
- Hmm.

Mindless, pointless fun?

Do you remember how much fun fun was?

Yeah.

You know, sometimes I
see old pictures of us,

and I think: What are
they smiling about?

Don't they know what's coming?

Right?

LOWELL: I'm so glad you dropped by.

Yeah.

Let me just close my bedroom door.

Well, now the place looks huge.

Can you hear me over there?

Sit down, make yourself at home.

(SIGHS)

This is cozy. (CHUCKLES)

The saleslady at the store
said it was a love seat.

Then I said, "I love you, too."

Then I kind of had to buy it.

Look, Lowell,

I know you're going
through a tough time, but...

your mood is creating a weird work vibe.

Is it the crying? The yelling?

I think it's the combo
platter, my friend.

Oh, come on,

it's not all bad.

You got your own place here.

You could do whatever you want.

Like what?

That is a great question.

Uh, well, what were you
doing before I got here?

Well, I open and close the bed a lot.

- (KNOCKING AT DOOR)
- Fun. (CHUCKLES)

Hey, Don. Don's here.

He'll lighten things up.

Don, lighten things up.

What brings you by, fair traveler?

Well, I went home, and
you know what I realized?

My wife lives there.

So, I, uh,

grabbed some beer and
snacks, and here I am.

See, Lowell? It's all coming together.

We got food, we got beverages.

Now we just need something
to do... besides talking.

Hey. What's this hole?

I tried to hang a picture, but
I was madder than I thought.

Well, I think we can
do something with that.

That's my light bill.

No, no, we'll make a game out of this.

Okay, if you get the ball
in the hole from here,

that's one point.

And if you make it from
here, it's two points.

- Ah.
- And if you don't get in the hole,

it's no points.

All right, I like that you're trying.

Yes!

Nothin' but hole.

This is so fun!

But we lost the ball; now what do we do?

Dang it, Adam!

a*t*matic ball return.

Gentlemen, I think we
just invented a sport.

This is a masterpiece.

This is definitely gonna make
the front table at open house.

(CHUCKLES): Yeah. It looks good.

So, is it time to paint Uranus?

Teddy, you've been doing that all night.

You're right. I'm sorry.

(SIGHS) But Uranus
has a weird bump on it.

Miss it.

Miss it. Mi...

- Yes!
- (GROANS)

(CHUCKLES)

What are you doing, Don? Follow through!

All right, good game.

I should get going and
help with Teddy's project.

I'm glad you're feeling better, Lowell.

This was surprisingly fun.

It really was.

I mean, you invented a game

- you can only play in my apartment.
- Mm-hmm.

That makes me the hub.

I'm the hub of the wheel.

You can't leave. I demand a rematch.

Well, I would, because I am at
the peak of my athletic ability,

but I should get home.

- Okay, then tomorrow.
- Well...

Andi's not gonna let
me come back tomorrow.

I have responsibilities.

Who knows what she told me last week

that I'm supposed to do tomorrow?

Okay, fine. Then
we'll-we'll play without you.

What?

You're gonna have fun without me?

Probably more.

All you really need is the hub.

But...

but I invented the game.

Well, we'll put up a
picture in your memory.

No, no, no. I'm coming back.

I just have to figure out
a way to work it with Andi.

She only let me come down here

because Lowell's such a basket case.

Thanks.

Oh. No, that's a... that's a good thing.

I can use that.

Oh. Then you're welcome.

So, how's Lowell doing?

It is no fun over there,

let me tell ya.

I even had to bring Don in to help.

And Lowell wants me to come
back again tomorrow, but...

Hmm. I couldn't do that.

Could I?

Maybe you should bring him over here.

That... is an idea I did not see coming.

Oh, but, no, I'm afraid it'd remind him

of everything he used to have...

You know what? He'll be fine.

- The hell with him.
- Oh, no, no.

Wait a minute. I mean, he's your friend.

You need to be there for him.
You should go back tomorrow.

Wha... (GROANS)

Well, if you're gonna force me to,

fine, I'll go.

When will I ever get
a minute for myself?

So, check out this standing desk.

It takes up less space
than a regular desk,

and then if you're sitting,
I can hover right over you.

Uh-huh. L-Let's keep thinking.

There's just no room in here.

I can't hang you from
the ceiling like a bat.

I can't believe this. My pencil
sharpener's missing again.

Don, cough it up.

Fine.

But you should know I sharpened
a carrot in here earlier,

so it may be a little slow.

Sharpen whatever you want, Don.

What's mine is yours.

- Hey, Lowell seems better.
- Mm-hmm.

I guess you get to stay
home with me tonight.

Great. What a happy surprise.

All right, well, I have to go
fill out these purchase orders,

so I guess I'll go do it in
the shovel of the bulldozer.

If they raise me up, it'll
be like a penthouse office.

What are you doing, man?

Sad it up.

If Andi doesn't think you're a
mess, my game nights are over.

Well, I don't want that.

When you're not there, Don cheats.

Every time I try to
sh**t, he tickles me.

Victory at any cost. That's
what makes a champion.

My pen fell in the engine.

(CHUCKLES)

I hope that's gonna be okay. (CHUCKLES)

Uh, Lowell, I'm just
gonna borrow one of yours.

Oh, Lowell won't mind. Right, Lowell?

I do mind.

How dare you?

What?

Why is everybody always taking my stuff?

You just said y-your
stuff was our stuff.

Feelings don't make sense, Andi.

I'm gonna go find a
church and get some soup.

What happened? I thought he was better.

Looks like I'm gonna have to go
back over there again tonight.

(GROANS)

You know what, Adam?
I don't believe you.

You don't?

It's just, you've grown
so much as a person,

I mean, putting your
friends before yourself.

I-I, it... I'm so proud of you.

Oh.

Thanks, honey. (CHUCKLES)

Aww. Mm.

For tonight's match, I
created a signature cocktail

to enjoy during warm-ups.

Oh.

We are getting real classy.

Hey, you know, this
could be a rich guy sport,

like polo or non-miniature golfing.

Yeah, this could really catch on.

Uh, but we need a name first.

You don't get on ESPN without a name.

I like "Wall Ball."

Eh, too rhymey. We
don't want that crowd.

Hmm.

How about "Wall Hole"?

I like it. It tells a story.

Oh, then we can call my signature drink

an Andy Wall-Hole.

Uh, no, I don't get it.

Well, you know, like Andy Warhol.

Ah.

Who's that?

Don. Andy Warhol?

From New York?

Plays shortstop for the Mets?

Oh, right, right. Okay.

Ah. Hey, Lowell, see if anyone
owns the name WallHoleUSA.com.

Yeah, we're definitely gonna
want that for the online store.

The money is in the merchandise.

Someone already has the Wall Hole site,

but the subject matter's
quite disturbing.

Ooh, she was not expecting that.

Oh... well, maybe she was.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

- Hey, Dad.
- Hey.

Dad, what are you doing here?

You're supposed to be home
resting from your knee surgery.

Well, we heard from Don that
you boys had something good

going on over here, so I told
your mother that my nurse, uh...

Oh, my name is Funchy.
You can just call me that.

Sure thing, Nursey.

Said I should get out of the
house and take a rehab walk.

So, uh, what's going on?

I hope you're throwing
something into that hole.

We need to talk to you.

What's going on?

You tell us.

Our husbands have been
over at Lowell's apartment

every night this week.

What are they up to?

They're not up to anything.

They're helping Lowell
during a difficult time.

I'm actually very proud of them.

Bless her little heart.

No, i-it's true.

I... you should be happy.
Our husbands are good people.

I highly doubt that.

Something's in it for them,

or else they wouldn't be over there.

No.

Well...

That does sound more like Adam.

sh**t. You know, I really thought

he was growing as a person.

Honey, they don't do that.

LOWELL: All right.

We're at match point.

For the first time in
the history of Wall Hole,

a father and son meet in the playoffs.

Can a family survive it?

- (GROANS)
- All right.

Yeah!

Dad makes it to the finals.

Even on one leg, the old man smoked you.

He gets in my head.

I built that head. I know
my way around in there.

Well, I've got winner.

You know, I was getting
b*rned out on nursing,

but now that I'm a pro athlete,

I've got my passion back.

(PHONE RINGING)

Ooh, it's Andi. Uh, everybody shush.

Well, we're starting a game here.

Look, if I go down, we all go down.

Uh, how exactly will I go down?

Well, I... Just, everybody, shush.

Hey, honey.

No, Lowell's not doing so good.

Friday was his and Jen's movie night,

so it's bringing up a lot of feelings.

I think we're gonna watch
all the Harry Potters.

Okay, bye, honey.

(CHUCKLES) Andi has no idea.

It's game on, boys.

(LAUGHTER)

Well, he's terrible at this.

He didn't even hang up before
he said "Andi has no idea."

So what's our move?

All I can say is, I've had
pepper spray in my purse

for four years, and I want
to use it before it expires.

That'll be the pizza.

Ooh. All right.

Uh, oh.

I can't believe that Lowell
started feeling better

this very minute.

I say we all go home

to our beautiful wives. Huh?

Oh, hey, ladies.

(CHUCKLES) Didn't see you there.

Yes, I lied about why I was at Lowell's.

But you ambushed me
before I could cover it up.

So who's really at fault?

You used your friend's unhappiness

to go out and have fun and
avoid stuff around here.

What? No. I love the stuff around here.

Or were you trying to avoid me?

No. No.

- It was the stuff around here.
- Mm-hmm.

I mean, you're making up
reasons to go out at night,

and... and... you don't want
me to have a desk at work.

Yeah. It's starting
to come together now,

it's all connected.

No, no, stop connecting things.

Okay? H-Honey, I swear,

this is just about me trying to
get away with something silly.

Well, then, what's really going on?

Okay, fine. Look... uh...

I was just trying

to enjoy a little break.

But not from you.

There's school projects

and shoes that need
de-poopifying, and...

and the kids never turn off a light.

I have probably spent
three years of my life

turning off lights.

I mean, you have to know
what I'm talking about.

No, I don't.

I find every minute with my children

to be a joy to treasure.

Do you?

(MOUTHS)

Two weeks ago, when you went to
Target to buy Teddy new shorts?

- Mm-hmm.
- You were gone so long, I got worried.

- Yeah.
- So I went down there.

And you know who I
saw, drinking an Icee,

watching Dr. Phil in the TV section?

My long-lost twin sister?

No, it was you, baby.

But I didn't say anything.

I left and let you have
your time because I get it.

And also, to keep in my pocket

in case something like this came up.

Well, I'm very sorry... that
you found out about that.

You know, we do spend a lot of time

taking care of other people.

That's all I'm saying.

And since we're coming clean,

I should tell you that time
at Target, it wasn't my first.

They know me there.

They let me use the remote
that controls all TVs.

- There's a master remote?
- Uh-huh.

How big is it? I need
to know how big it is.

Eh, it's not big, but it's heavy.

- (LAUGHS): Nice.
- Yeah.

You see?

Everyone needs to bust
out once in a while.

My mistake was not
busting you out with me.

Aw, that's sweet.

And, you know,

maybe I should've taken you
with me to watch the TVs.

I would like to check out that remote.

You know, Target's
open for another hour.

- Let's do it.
- Yeah.

Oh, h-hey, kids, uh,
we're going out to run some

very important adult errands.

Pro tip, if you angle
the TVs just right,

you can watch it from
the bed department.

I am so glad I married you.

Hmm.

- Morning, guys.
- Hey. Morning, honey.

Andy, I know you were upset with Adam,

but this week I started
to enjoy my new life.

Having the guys there really did help.

Go tell that to Marcy.

I had to sleep on the
porch swing last night.

Don't worry Lowell, Adam and I are good.

Alright, well, I have
some paperwork to do,

so if you need me I'll
be in my bulldozer.

Whoa, whoa, whoa... why
would you go out there,

when you could just do you work here...

on your new desk?

Whoa.

Yeah, I invented the Murphy desk.

The Murphy bed's
hardworking little brother.

Oh, I love it.

Now I'm officially part of the team.

- Thanks, honey.
- Yeah.

Wall Hole, wall desk...

Man, the wall part of my brain
is really f*ring right now.