03x01 - Bottoms Up

[bunniefuu]

Jazz: Last season on "I Am Jazz"...

You're a gorgeous girl, and
I want you to experience love.

I'd love to be the first guy
that you experience it with.

Uh...

Griffen: We just finished all
of our applications to college.

Now it's just sit and wait, right?

We're ready to move on with our life.

Jeanette: When the boys leave the house,

it's gonna be like a ghost town here.

- How are you gonna get through?
- I don't know.

Just medicate me and put me out.

Jeanette: You could
use some more friends.

Jazz: I know that my mom
is super concerned about me,

'cause I have no friends at school.

I went through a really hard time,

and I'm still getting out of it.

I was in a very dark place.

She'll say, "I'm not
feeling right today,"

and I'm like, "oh, Geez."

Jeanette: Jazz has had a bumpy road.

And between the dr*gs
that are given to her

and their side effects and the
depression that she battles,

she's predictably unpredictable.

Griffen: Whoa. This is a big hospital.

Jazz has to replace the
testosterone blocker in her arm

to prevent male puberty.

Greg: I'd rather not
see my kid like this.

I'll be happy when I see
her awake and smiling.

What happened?

You had your surgery, baby.

I have a boner.

- [Gasps]
- [Laughs]

I sometimes forget that
she has that down there.

Does she look like a freak to you?

She still has a penis.

Jack: Let's call a spade a spade.

No matter how attractive she is,

no matter how great
a personality she is,

she will be looked at

as the girl who has
the thingy down there.

Greg: Jazz is walking
a path less traveled.

Jeanette: And she's
going to be this year.

It's a big milestone in her life.

And there's a lot of
decisions coming up for her.

So, then, what's the next step after?

Basically, the next
step is bottom surgery.

Jazz: When this hormone-blocker
implant needs to be replaced,

I'll be years old,

and I can finally have bottom surgery.

I'm trying to find a
way to tell my parents

that we really have to
start considering this.

And this season on "I Am Jazz"...

Jeanette: Happy birthday!

- Whoo!
- Catch it.

- Oh, my god!
- Jesus!

Do you think you'd be interested
in dating trans people, maybe?

For sure, yeah.

[Grunts]

- Where'd she go?
- She left.

- Do you need help?
- No. Just go and skate.

Jazz: When I'm upset
and want to be alone,

I really just want to be alone.

I just really hate myself.

Jeanette: I hate to
see you cry like this.

Well, I just feel bad about myself.

How can I get you to go to therapy?

You think some random individual
who doesn't even know who I am

will have the answers to my questions?

Jazz doesn't feel she needs help...

- You're frustrating me.
- ...But she does.

You are about to turn ,

so I think it's feasible that
you could have bottom surgery.

I definitely want to do it.

My brain puts on the
brakes, like, "whoa!"

I've always dreamed about
having this procedure done.

It should be done after
you finish high school.

It is ultimately my decision.

So, we're just now getting children

who have been on
puberty-delaying hormones.

The penis never has a chance to grow.

Dr. Reed: I hate to say this to
you, but it's gonna be difficult

to do the type of
vaginoplasty that you want.

Jeanette: [Singsong] Good morning.

Come on. Uppy, puppy.

I know you're dying to go to school.

[Chuckles]

Good morning.

[Chuckles]

Jazz: Today is the first day of school.

And when it comes to my
sophomore year of high school,

I'm not completely dreading it.

I'm excited to see what
this year is gonna offer.

Well, I'm glad you're in a good mood,

'cause I wasn't sure
what I was gonna get.

"No! Leave!"

No, really, that's
the person I'm used to,

so I'm happy that you're excited.

Oh, thanks.

Last year, I had a difficult time,

and I struggled with depression.

And I know that my mom is very concerned

that I might spiral into
a very dark place again

and become depressed.

But, you know, I'm not
too worried about it,

because I'm gonna just
try to stay positive.

I can't believe it's
the first day of school.

She's in a good mood,

but I'm just always
walking on eggshells.

I know. You always got to be on guard.

But socially, I know she was
texting friends in advance.

I think that's good, too,
so you don't go and...

She was texting Tayack,

the only person she's really
friendly with right now.

Hey. Morning, sunshine.

Why are you awake?

- You don't even need to be awake.
- 'Cause it's your first day.

I always like to see
you on your first day.

Keep in mind, not everything's
gonna go perfectly, you know?

- I know.
- Just go with the flow.

If something goes
wrong, don't get upset.

Just deal with it.

Jeanette: I have a lot of worries.

Jazz really doesn't
have a lot of friends.

She broke off from her group of
girlfriends from freshman year.

I don't hear everything anymore,

and I don't know what it
is, but... I don't know.

No, but sometimes we tell you,

and then you're like, "oh, yeah."

"Yeah. Yeah."

No, no, I do... I do listen. I remember.

But, like...

No, you do the thing
where you don't listen.

It was unpleasant for her,
not having the group anymore,

but Tayack also broke
off from the group,

so they're still friends,
which is really nice.

But I'm worried about
her, in a social way.

School year... oh, my god.

Nervous? I'm nervous.

- No, I'm not nervous.
- I always get nervous.

Jeanette: She's really in the
heart of the teenage years,

and, you know, this is the time
where there's a lot of angst.

Jazz sinking back into depression

is always something that's
on the front of my mind.

I know that it could happen
very quickly, very easily.

I'm staying positive that
it's not gonna happen,

but I have to be realistic
that it's a possibility.

We're in the property. All right.

- What's this guy gonna...
- We're at the point.

All right, go.

Bye. Love you.

- Love you so much.
- I love you.

Mwah, mwah, mwah,
mwah, mwah. Mwah. Mwah.

You're the best. See you later.

Jeanette: I'm like, "wow,
my baby's a sophomore.

Look at her go. Look how tall she is.

Like, where did the time go?"

[Sighs]

♪♪

Griffen: So, this is all my stuff.

Do you think Mom will get
mad if I don't fold it?

I don't know, but Nemo
seems to be pretty pissed

- if you don't fold it.
- How depressing...

we're not gonna see Nemo
for like three months.

We're not gonna see
Mom for three months.

We're not gonna see
Dad for three months.

Sander: It's a little bittersweet,

knowing that we're
leaving soon for college.

My mom is an emotional wreck.

I don't know what she's
gonna do without us.

She's gonna miss us a lot,
and we're gonna miss her, too.

We'll be fine. We'll see each other
probably every single day, I'm sure.

Or at least, most days.

It's more of Mom, Dad, Jazz.

That's true.

It's gonna be different.

You know, cradle to
college has been very quick.

- Yeah.
- But you know what?

There was not enough cradle.

Jeanette: And I want
them to go to college.

I mean, I want them to,
I'm just gonna miss them.

That's all.

The twins are gonna be out of the house,

and how Jeanette deals
with it is, you know...

[Chuckles]

[Crying] So much of my life is them.

[Sniffling, sobbing]

Do you have a tissue? [Chuckles]

You remember the day when
the ultrasound tech said

- there were two of them?
- Mm.

It seems like they were just born,

we just got them out of the hospital.

Now I'm cutting onions, and I'm crying.

- What the heck am I thinking?
- That's okay.

Geez. Let's just make it times worse.

What are you really feeling?

Awful. Terrible.

Awful, depressed?

Yeah.

Jack: It's understandable
how Jeanette felt.

Every time we'd talk about it,
her eyes became Niagara Falls.

But this is a new beginning
rather than an end.

Kids grow up, and you can't go on

being the mother of
teenagers indefinitely.

And I think that's why menopause
was brought in to the scene.

♪♪

[Laughing] Did I say the wrong thing?

I'm putting my head in the freezer.

I'm not coming out. [Chuckles]

♪♪

Jazz: I think I like my
classes a lot, and my teachers.

- More than last year?
- Mm-hmm.

Jazz: But I do have so much homework.

The first day of school was
different than it was last year,

because I didn't have many friends

on this first day of school.

Ooh, it smells so good.

- Hello.
- Yeah, it does.

I'm gonna get a chocolate milkshake

with no whipped cream, no cherry.

Jazz: I have a couple of friends
that don't go to my high school,

but at my school, Tayack is
basically my only real friend.

I think it's so funny how
we have, like, no friends.

It's just you and me at lunch.

- I know.
- But I like it, actually.

- We have fun together.
- It's, like, no drama, you know?

That's true. I didn't like
it with all that drama.

I know. It was annoying.

Tayack: The drama that Jazz doesn't miss

is with our other friends that we had,

and how they would
exclude us from things.

They used to hang out together
and go to different places,

but they wouldn't invite Jazz and I.

- Girls can be mean sometimes.
- Vicious.

And guys can be stupid sometimes.

I just... don't you kind of feel
like boys are still the same?

Yeah, they haven't
matured since last year.

Still annoying.

I know. I need a man.

Yeah. I always tell my mom that.

She's always telling me, "get a
boyfriend. It'll be good for you."

I'm like, "Mommy, have you
seen the boys in my grade?

They are annoying."

- I know. There's no options.
- I know.

She was like, "go for
boys in older grades then."

I'm like, "I can't talk
to boys in older grades."

I know, but there's a lot of
boys outside of school, too.

Yeah. That, too.

Have you talked to Alex recently?

Um... No.

I actually haven't talked to him at all.

Is that bad?

Well, you guys went on a date together.

Yeah, but, like, he texted me sometimes,

like, just, "hey, how you doing?"

Like, really, small talk, but
we don't hang out or anything.

I kind of want to fall in
love, though, this year.

That's a bold statement, right?

Jazz: Even though I'm
not interested in Alex,

I really do want a partner.

I want to fall in love with someone.

But it's not very easy for me.

In the past, a lot of teenage boys

didn't want to talk to me
because I was transgender.

Hopefully, this year, that'll change,

and I will meet some new guys,
or potentially even girls,

depending on the situation.

[Inhales deeply]

Ugh, I'm so full, my
belly hurts so much.

- Me, too.
- It's pouring over my shorts.

- Chocolate.
- I'm gonna drink that.

Are you really? [Laughs]

♪♪

Jeanette: We're almost
at the doctor's office.

Are you all excited to find
out what your levels are?

I always get excited
to see where you're at.

_

I would think so, especially
based on your breast growth.

My boobies finally have shaped out.

Yeah. You no longer need
any help in that department.

We're visiting Dr. Charlton
today for Jazz's checkup.

- Hello. How are you?
- Hello. Welcome.

Jeanette: She goes every few
months to check her hormone levels,

make sure that the estrogen is high

and the testosterone is low.

So hoping it'll be that way.

- What's this?
- It's a cup holder.

- [Laughing]
- No, it's not a cup holder.

[Knock on door]

Hey. Hi, guys.

You always do that little knock-knock.

- How are you? Good to see you.
- Good to see you.

- Hey, Jazz.
- Good to see you. I got comfy.

Are you cold? Okay.

I'm Dr. Charlton. I'm a
pediatric endocrinologist.

I was taking care of Jazz

when she first started medical treatment

for transgender therapy.

I am not currently her doctor,

but I still check in on a regular basis.

So, your labs look great.

Your testosterone level
is really, really low.

Your estrogen level is actually
more or less adult levels.

- Really?
- But that's... yeah.

Jeanette: To hear that Jazz is
developing just like her peers,

it just makes me so happy.

I'm so happy for her,
and it kind of confirms...

it really confirms that
Greg and I have been making

the right decisions with
respect to her medical care,

and we are on the right path.

We had talked about
top surgery previously,

but how are you feeling
about your breast development?

I don't want top surgery anymore.

I'm pretty happy with my body.

This is the first
time I've heard you say

that you're happy with your body.

- Mm-hmm. Really?
- That's... yeah.

I mean, you've been happy
with certain changes,

- but there were always concerns.
- Mm-hmm.

This is the happiest I've seen you.

You seem more comfortable
in your own skin now...

Yeah. I am.

...than you have since I've known you,

and that's really, really great.

Dr. Charlton: I'm thrilled
with how Jazz is doing.

The whole goal of this
therapy, from the beginning,

was to allow her to be a normal kid

and develop alongside her
peers, and it's been successful.

The next step... and
you are about to turn .

So I think it's time to at
least begin the conversation

about bottom surgery.

All along, I've been saying

I don't want you to have any surgery

until your body's done
growing and developing.

- Mm-hmm.
- Right?

I think you're done getting taller,

so I think it's feasible
that you could have surgery.

What are your thoughts currently?

I want to do it.

Whoa.

I remember when you were saying

you weren't sure you would ever do it.

If you have uncertainty...

It's definitely not the
right time to do it, right?

Right. Yeah. No, I don't
have any uncertainty.

- Okay.
- I want to do it, %.

Oh, you do want to do it %?

Okay, yes. I want to do it %.

Jeanette: I definitely am shocked.

She's never said " %."

She's always said, "I think
I will. I probably will."

But it's never like,
"oh, I am doing this."

My brain suddenly puts on
the brakes, like, "whoa."

Just... I'm not ready to go there yet.

I personally feel like you're
young to have the surgery.

Jazz: What are you worried about?

Kids are doing it at like .

I think that's great, except
that they're not my kids.

I think it's time to at
least begin the conversation

about bottom surgery.

I want to do it %.

Oh, you do want to do it %?

Okay, yes. I want to do it %.

How do you feel about that?

I can't believe we're there yet.

I don't know when she
started feeling this way,

because she didn't verbalize it to me.

But we've been through so much,

and we're at a good place right now.

And now, all of a sudden, whoa.

You know, knock-knock,
here's the next door,

and this is enormous.

It's major surgery.

- It is. It's major surgery.
- It's huge.

For me, I worry more than she does.

But it's the parent thing.
I'm supposed to worry.

But I'll always support you.

Knowing that I could
potentially have a vag*na...

yes, a vag*na...

is super exciting to me,
because I've always dreamed

about having this procedure done.

And now it could finally happen.

It used to be that
nobody would do surgery

until you were over .

The thinking is really changing
in the medical community.

A lot of the advocates for
younger surgery are saying,

"if you do it when you're young,

then you still have Mom
around to help with aftercare,"

which I'm here to tell you,
the aftercare is intense.

The intensity of the aftercare

should really be a big
part of the decision-making

when you talk about when to do this.

Because you can't just
come home for summer break,

have bottom surgery,
and expect to go back

and start classes up again in the fall.

So that's part of the reason why

early planning is really helpful.

I know that I want to do it
before I go off to college.

I don't want to be in a
dorm and having to dilate.

Okay, so that's exactly where I'm going.

Jazz: I've done some previous research,

and I know that dilating is the
process of inserting an object

of varying size up your vag*na
in order to create depth.

Of course, there's gonna be

a lot of family conversations, too.

Because a lot of times,
one parent feels one way

and one parent feels another way, so...

- Daddy.
- Yeah.

My dad is very reluctant

when it comes to some of
these very important decisions.

So I'm a little bit scared to
see how he's going to react.

I really haven't done
my homework on this yet,

'cause I know it's
changing all the time.

And she was so little and young,

and now it just sort of happened.

Like, we're here all of a sudden.

I've known about bottom
surgery for years.

I've been going to
conferences since Jazz was .

But the medical field
is changing constantly,

and what they were doing years ago

is different than
what they're doing now.

So now the time is here,
now I do my homework.

Just like you'll go touring colleges,

you'll probably want to
go on a tour of surgeons.

And when you go to the surgeons,

I want you to get into the gory details.

Jazz: Mm-hmm.

So you've got some work to do.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Bye.
- You take care.

- Good to see you.
- Thank you.

- All right, Jazz.
- It's always great to see you.

- All right. Bye.
- All right. See you.

I'm gonna have a
vag*na. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

You can have mine, so
you don't have to go...

- [laughs]
- I guess that was stupid.

I don't want that old, saggy thing.

♪♪

[Sighs]

I hear you guys coming
in. You want to help?

Jeanette: That's the boys' chore.

Yeah, but they're heading off.

Here. When I put it here,
can you put them up in there?

Yes, I can.

How was the doctor appointment?

Not exactly what we
thought it was gonna be.

My estrogen levels went up a lot...

- Is that typical?
- ...Which is really good.

They're finally, like,
at a normal, adult level.

He was like, "the next step, really,

is to explore the bottom surgery."

So, basically, since she's turning ,

this is the age that
a lot of kids her age

start to get the ball rolling.

And she got very excited.

I'm % confident I
want this procedure.

Here's my take on what you're saying.

I personally feel like you're
young to have the surgery.

My initial inclination

was that it should be done
after you finish high school,

which is when you're .

But then she'll be in college.

What are you worried about?

Kids are doing it at like .

When you're over , you could
do what you want... Legally.

Greg: Ultimately, this is
an irreversible procedure.

If other trans youth are having
the surgery done at age ,

I think that's great, except
that they're not my kids.

Historically, it's been
something that we theorize

or we talked about what if, how?

But now we're actually talking
about planning an actual date,

and that, to me, is, um...

To me, it's scary.

But you know what? I do
want to take care of her.

I would always make sure...

I don't want her to be in college.

...no matter what that she's
being taken care of, though.

Jeanette: I don't agree with Greg.

I think the best and
ideal thing for her to do

is have the surgery while
she's still in high school.

And it's not like you want
them to have the surgery

and then go to college,
because that's bad.

Anything goes wrong, you know,
who's there? Her roommate?

I don't want to be dilating in the dorm.

Do you know what dilating is?

It's basically where you have
to stick this tubular object

up your vag*na to create depth.

I don't want to do that in a dorm

with people that I don't know.

I'd prefer to do it in a
place where I'm comfortable.

So that's one reason why it
makes sense to do it earlier.

Overall, the reason why
I want to get the surgery

is because this is
basically the last major step

in completing my medical journey.

It's something that
would make me feel whole.

Jazz: There are still so
many things that I can't do.

I mean, I can't even wear leggings,

and if I could wear leggings,
I'd wear them every day.

And it's those tiny things that
really make a big difference

and really motivates me
to get this procedure done.

If we wanted to do it in my time range,

we have that full period to,
like, do extensive research.

I feel like I need more information

to be comfortable with
Jazz having bottom surgery.

I do not want her to rush this.

I want to make sure that
we do our due diligence,

and I just want to do right by her.

I want to please you, but
it is ultimately my decision.

Jeanette: Destination...
university of Florida.

I'm trying really, really, really hard

to hold it all together,

but I'm barely hanging
on to my emotions.

[Mid-tempo music plays]

Jeanette: Wheels up in !

You got your blankets?
You got your pillows?

- You got all that stuff?
- Yeah.

You got your underwear, right?

I need to buy new
underwear and new socks.

I'm gonna miss you weirdos.

Wave to the house.

- Deuces.
- Bye.

Jeanette: Destination...
university of Florida,

hours and minutes away.

Griffen: I couldn't be more excited,

I'm more than ready to start
this new chapter in my life.

College means freedom,

and it gives me the ability to
do whatever I want with my life,

which is scary, but also
sounds very awesome to me.

Sander: We're here!

Greg: So this is your
home away from home.

Mom, are you gonna cry?

Could we not talk about that?

I'm trying really, really
hard to hold it all together,

but I'm barely hanging
on to my emotions.

We got a lot of stuff.

Ground floor, going up.

How you doing?

- Nice to meet you.
- I'm Greg.

Jeanette: This is an
unbelievable time in our lives.

I've got the twins going off.

I've got Jazz contemplating
surgery, and it's a lot.

I feel really overwhelmed,
because I don't like change.

I want everybody to stay little.

I always say I'd like to pause
at this point in our lives

and just stop.

And you know what? I can't.

Life still keeps going
on. I'm like, "no."

[Mid-tempo music plays]

Greg: Hey there.

My baby girl. Number-one-born girl.

Hear that? I'm number one?

I am so happy that the twins and
Ari are all at the same school

because Ari's been up
there for two years,

and she can show them the ropes.

They can be close and
hang out and do things.

They're a family.

I don't think this class
is gonna be that hard.

You'll just have to read a lot.

I think they have every
single book that we need.

That's a lot.

Are you gonna actually
read all of these?

I don't think I have a choice.

We're not empty nesters,
but it's getting close.

It's horrible.

Horrid.

It's not gonna be horrid. For me, it is.

I'm sorry, but you're the
guy that can handle it.

It's just empty.

It's amazing how it brings you to tears

every single time you
think about the empty house.

When they're not home,
do you cry all the time?

Yeah.

If I'm at work, are
you crying all the time?

Aww.

That's... that's tough.

I didn't realize that.

I know when we talk about
it, you get emotional, but...

So how do you kind of snap out of it?

What do you do?

Sleep.

- You sleep?
- Yep.

We're gonna have to
figure something out, then.

Yeah.

Hearing Jeanette cries at home
when I'm at work is difficult,

because I just want to take the pain

and just, you know, absorb it
and have her not feel that way.

Let's go find a book about sex. [Laughs]

[Laughs] I'm in.

[Both laugh]

[Mid-tempo music plays]

Griffen: Home, sweet home.

No, this is not your home.

This is my temporary home
for the next four years.

Jeanette: This is it.

This is the moment I have
not been looking forward to

and that they have
been looking forward to.

I think we should start saying goodbye.

Okay. We've got to get on the road.

We'll do it like when you were little

and put our heads together.

We used to do this before games.

Work hard, play hard, do your best.

I'm proud of you guys. I love you guys.

You'll do great.

Greg: It's emotional to
say goodbye to the kids.

You know, we've worked so hard

to make them strong,
independent young adults.

And they're ready. They're prepared.

So it's really just time
to kiss them goodbye,

hop on the road, and just let them be.

Don't forget me! [Chuckles]

Oh, Mom.

Mom? Ticklish spot.
Let's get her to laugh.

No. Don't. Really, don't.

[Laughter]

I don't know any family
that's as close as my family.

I could look every one of
my family members in the eye

and say, "I love you,

and I don't know what
I'd do without you."

Love you. [Sobs]

Jazz: We've got to
say our goodbyes, too.

- Bye, Griff.
- Hey, good luck in high school.

- Okay.
- And good luck in college.

If you need help, just let me know.

I won't need any help. You know me.

I'm not really too sad about
the boys going off to college,

which is kind of weird,
because I do love them.

It's just that I'm happy for them.

They're gonna have a good
life and do their own thing,

party, drink, sleep with the
girls, and have a good life.

We're there for you if
you ever need anything.

We're just a phone call away, okay?

Jeanette: I think I'm grieving more

over the loss of not having children.

It's like, they're gone, they're men,

and I just didn't think
it would happen so quickly.

Like, when they're little babies,

I wasn't thinking about college.

When they were in fifth grade,
I wasn't thinking about college.

You know they're gonna leave eventually,

but now that it's here, it's awful.

I'm just trying to grasp
the concept of the fact

that that's it... we're here.

It happened, and it's over.

I'll cuddle with you every night.

[Sighs]

They're ready.

It's time to let them go.

[Mid-tempo music plays]

A little embarrassing
question. Are you orgasmic?

Jazz: I looked at my parents,
and I just think, "no.

No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no."

[Up-tempo music plays]

[Doorbell rings]

- There's my doorbell.
- Hi.

I like the doorbell. "Ding-dong."

Jeanette: With so many huge things

that are going on in
our lives right now,

I'm so grateful that I have
my mom and dad down here.

They're very smart. They're very wise.

And any feedback that can
help me is greatly appreciated.

Gee, this is rare.

Yes. In fact, this is a first.

You're prepping me for
when I only have one kid.

I'll get to do this more.

I can't get used to the
idea of just Jazz at home.

And how is all that going?

I don't even want to think about that.

I don't want to think about any of this.

I don't want to think about the boys.

Everywhere I turn,
there's pictures of them.

I'm stuck with the memories.

Yeah. True.

They're gonna come home on vacation

and call you up on the
phone with their problems.

I hope they remember to call me.

I have no doubts that they will.

So, you haven't heard the
latest about little Jazz,

who's always full of surprises.

I took her to her regular
checkup with the endocrinologist

to see where things were at,

and her estrogen's high,
and her testosterone's low.

Then he brought up bottom surgery.

And she was like, " % I'm doing it."

Wow.

I was like, "what?"

She has already opted to go forward?

She hasn't said when exactly.

What's the youngest that
this surgery can be done?

I've heard of -year-olds.

Well, as your parents, we're ready,

but surprised that it's come so soon.

Jack: Bottom surgery...

I thought it would be about the time

that she went off to college.

But she's not complete until
the surgery is complete,

and the sooner, the better.

I think Jazz is ready now

as long as her doctors agree with that.

Well, it's up to her,

and she's got to speak
to doctors for consults.

The thing is, I wasn't ready
to start doing consults now.

So we had to do some research

and ask exactly what we're getting into.

I have a list of doctors who
perform vaginoplasty in the U.S.

You should research each of the doctors

and make consults with all
the ones you're serious about.

Jeanette: We have Jazz's first
bottom surgery consultation

this week.

And you know what? I'm not ready.

But I really don't have a
choice, 'cause Jazz is there.

I'm looking at it as a real
start to the final Jazz.

This will free her.

Yeah, I think in her
heart, to feel complete.

Yes. Mm-hmm.

And I think also when it comes to love.

That's a big problem, unfortunately.

There's people out there
that are attracted to Jazz

and might think she's
lovely, but you know what?

"I don't want to be physical with her."

Jack: If I were dating
a transgender person,

I would not feel quite right

if that transgender woman had a penis.

Let's face it.

To be a complete woman as much
as one can be being transgender,

the bottom surgery is
absolutely necessary

if you want to have a
somewhat normal relationship

with the opposite sex.

Certain elements of our society
have that redneck component.

She will always be somebody
that was born with a penis,

- not a true...
- To some people.

Yes.

Not a true woman in that sense,

and I've always been
concerned about that.

There are some people
that will never look at her

as, you know, a complete
woman, which is really sad.

Once Jazz has had the bottom surgery,

I don't think there's any way to predict

how society will react to her.

But there is a big part
of the population out there

which they are unable to accept the fact

that a transgender
person is really, truly,

in Jazz's case, a female.

You go out in public,
you're facing that world

that's cruel and mean and so forth.

I think there's a big chance

that she'll be labeled
probably the rest of her time.

[Mid-tempo music plays]

[Knock on door]

[All screaming]

[Laughter]

Hey! Good to see you. Good to see you.

- Yay!
- How are you?

We sound like we were in a horror movie.

- [Screams]
- [Screams]

Skylar is one of my good
friends who was transgender.

She's the same age as me,
and she lives in Atlanta,

but she and her mom are in
town to look at colleges.

I think Skylar and I are
gonna head out right away.

Sorry to ditch you, but peace out!

That's okay. I get Kris to myself.

Have a good time!

We're gonna go have a
party. You guys have fun.

- Bye!
- [Door closes]

[Laughs]

Isn't this, like, winter
weather for you guys?

It does get a little bit
colder, but not by much.

Jazz: I'm really glad I could
spend this time with Skylar.

She just can really comprehend
what it's like to be transgender

and some of the things I'm experiencing.

So, how's your college search going?

I think I might be going in-state

for my freshman year of college

and then probably transfer after that.

Aren't you gonna have your
bottom surgery by next year?

Yeah. Actually, this June.

- This June?
- Oh, my god. That's so soon!

- Are you excited?
- I'm so excited.

That's amazing. Oh, I'm jealous.

So, are your parents totally
supportive of your choice?

I think it's always
been a lingering thought

since I came out.

I think they've been
mentally preparing themselves,

and I think that they have been ready

for me to tell them when I was ready.

That makes a lot of sense.

She's kind of made up her
mind. This is what she wanted.

And we did the research

and made sure we were
all doing the right thing.

They said, "we want to have
you in before your senior year

so that you have time to
recover before your senior year."

That's my point. Like,
that's how I feel.

I would rather she do it and
just keep on with her life.

Whatever her plan is...
she wants to go college

and do all these things
and explore and go travel.

I want her to do those
things without that being...

- without having to worry about...
- Yeah.

Greg is like, "it's okay to wait to ."

I'm good with that.

But I feel so strongly
after talking to you

and your thoughts on it,

I really feel that it's a no-brainer.

Do you think you're ready?

Yeah.

I mean, my dad, I know he
wants to wait until I'm older.

Like for him, you're his little girl,

and he doesn't want anything
bad to happen to you.

But if I was his little girl,
then I would have a vag*na.

[Both laugh]

Skylar: Bottom surgery
is a major surgery.

And it becomes a really sensitive topic

around the kids and their families

because there's a ton of recovery,

and it's painful in general.

I know that I definitely
want to get the procedure.

I just don't know where.

I'm gonna try to go to as
many surgeons as possible

to figure out who I
really want to go to.

And then I'll have a vag*na.

Yay!

vag*na, vag*na.

Jazz: I have my first
consultation scheduled

with a local surgeon who
performs the bottom surgery,

and I am just so excited
to get this process started.

I feel like meeting the doctors
makes it that much more real.

You also have a boyfriend, right?

Mm-hmm.

Is that one of the reasons

you want to get the
surgery so soon or no?

No. Definitely not.

I think that's a big misconception.

People are like, "oh,
all transgender people

want to get the surgery
for sexual reasons."

But it's not like that for me.

I just want to feel complete.

Yeah.

Is this, like, your
first relationship ever?

- Uh-huh. Yeah.
- Aw. That's exciting.

I've still never been in a relationship.

But more and more each day,
I consider myself pansexual.

I used to be like % guys, % girls.

I think I'm more towards like / now.

Jazz: I'm definitely fluid
about who I'm attracted to.

And I'm not afraid of
that. You know, I'm proud.

I think it's cool that I
can be attracted to anyone

regardless of their sexual orientation,

gender identity, or any other label.

Do you think that you'd be interested

in dating trans people, maybe?

For sure, yeah.

Well, I know this guy, Shane.

He told me that he would
be interested in meeting you

if that's something you're into.

That'd be cool. Wait.

I wouldn't have to hang
out with him alone, though.

- You'd be there, right?
- Yeah, definitely.

Okay. Then I'd do that.

If it was one on one,
I'd be like, "ugh!"

That'd be awkward.
That's really awkward.

Since you guys are like strangers.

If we'd hang out as a
group and go somewhere,

- that would be fun.
- Yeah. Definitely.

Jazz: When it comes
to meeting new people,

it's not necessarily awkward.

I just don't really like a
situation where it feels forced

and really set up.

I just want to meet Shane
and just see what happens.

We should make it happen.

Yeah.

Dr. Reed: I hate to say this to
you, but it's gonna be difficult

to do the type of
vaginoplasty that you want.

_

_

[Mid-tempo music plays]

Jeanette: Hi. How are you?

- Woman: I'm good.
- This is Jazz. I'm Jeanette.

Jeanette.

- Hi. Jazz.
- Welcome.

Dr. Reed is a local surgeon
who performs the bottom surgery,

and I am seeing him as
my first consultation

to learn more about the procedure.

- Nice to meet you.
- Likewise.

Jazz: I'm just so excited
to begin this journey

that will make me complete

and allow me to feel like the
woman that I always knew I was.

Are you allergic to any medicine?

No.

Have you had any surgery done?

Well, you had the
implant. Minor. She has...

I did have a minor surgery,
but... I don't know.

What was that?

The implant, the
blocker... hormone blocker.

Now, I'm not familiar
with this hormone blocker

you're talking about.

Could you give me a little
information, the name of it?

It's called Supprelin,
and it's a histrelin pump.

It blocks testosterone.

Jeanette: I'm somewhat surprised

about the fact that Dr. Reed
has not heard of Supprelin.

It's just something very
basic for transgender youth.

Aside from the implants, you've
had no other surgery, right?

Correct.

And these are homegrown?

- Yes.
- Good. Good.

Homegrown. [Chuckles]

A little embarrassing
question. Are you orgasmic?

- No.
- Do you have orgasm?

No.

When Dr. Reed asks
if I've had an orgasm,

I looked at my parents,
and I just think, "no.

No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no."

I'm not asking you if
you can have an erection.

I'm saying are you able to
experience sexual pleasure?

I may be, but I have
never experienced it.

Okay.

These are questions we'd normally ask,

you know, someone older than you.

- Yeah.
- But we have to be thorough.

Greg: I understand that he
would have to ask the questions,

but if he didn't have a doctor
garb on, I'd be like, "yo."

He got right into it there. [Laughs]

He didn't hold back anything.

It's like, "so..." You know?

"Are you orgasmic?"

It's nice to have a neurological
sensation in your vag*na,

so the technique we use is
inversion of the penile skin.

Okay.

So we're going to use the
penile skin as much as we can,

and then we're gonna extend
that with a scrotal graft

if we have to.

Okay.

Dr. Reed: For a transgendered person,

a vaginoplasty is a procedure in
which the pelvic space is opened

and is filled either with
inverted penile skin or scrotum

to create a functional and
aesthetic-looking vag*na.

I'm sure these issues

are not necessarily
important to you now,

but they will be when you meet Mr. Right

and you're gonna want
to have penetrating sex

and you want to be able, you know,

to have a relatively
normal vaginal depth.

Okay.

Is there anything else
that you want to discuss

before I examine you?

I think he should examine you,
and then he can see what...

Yeah.

Dr. Reed: Yeah. We all agree.

I don't want to speculate until you see.

Okay. Follow me, please.

Okay.

Dr. Reed: When doing vaginoplasties,

an ideal surgical candidate
will have a sufficiency

of penile skin or
scrotal skin to work with.

Dr. Reed: Give us a little cough.

- Jazz: [Coughs]
- Good. Relax.

[Mid-tempo music plays]

What a healthy child.

You have every reason to be
proud and love your child.

She's adorable.

That's very sweet. Thank you.

As much as I'm reluctant

to deal with Jazz
having bottom surgery...

this is a very uncomfortable process,

but after I saw that she
was taking it serious,

that makes me, you know, understand

that Jazz is more ready than I realize.

So, the testosterone suppression
did you two big favors here,

but it didn't do you
any favors down below.

You have, you know, a very
small penile shaft skin,

both in length and in circumference.

And you have an itsy-bitsy scrotum.

Okay?

The use of testosterone blockers

has obviously stunted
her genital growth.

Jazz's genitalia is
certainly not workable

for a standard vaginoplasty.

I hate to say this to you,
but it's gonna be difficult

to do the type of
vaginoplasty that you want.

Jazz: When you've wanted
something for so long

and then you're told
that you may not get it,

it's a really scary feeling.

I just don't even know what to think,

because I've always figured
it would just be this way.

I'm throwing this out to you.

I don't do this operation,

but you may consider
a colonic vaginoplasty,

where they take a segment of your bowel

and transfer that down
to the pelvic space

and make a vag*na out of that.

[Down-tempo music plays]

Does the vag*na end up looking
different aestheticwise?

It's not necessarily cosmetically

the most beautiful thing in the world.

What about functionalitywise?

- Should work the same way.
- Okay.

Now, the only thing is
that the colon does excrete

a little bit of mucus.

And that mucus, even if
there's no fecal material there,

has a slightly different odor
than normal vaginal secretion.

It's not quite the same.

Jazz: On top of everything else,

Dr. Reed mentions the mucus and odor.

And, like, what if I
poop out of my vag*na?

[Laughs] You don't know!

You don't know what's gonna happen,

and that's the worst
thing I can imagine.

- Well, thank you so much.
- You're welcome. A pleasure.

- We've learned a lot today.
- Okay. Thank you for coming.

And we taught you about
the supprelin implant.

- Yeah. Right.
- We taught you something, too.

I guarantee you'll be
hearing more about that.

There's a new generation
of trans kids coming.

Yes, they are. A whole wave. [Laughs]

But look at the potential
disadvantages of it.

Because if it causes
microgenitalia, that's not good.

Jeanette: I have to disagree.

These kids, they...

it's lifesaving for them
to have the suppression

because the su1c1de-attempt
rates are % for the youth.

Putting Jazz on the
T-blocker at an early age

was the perfect and
right decision for her,

because look at her.

She's a beautiful young girl.

She did not develop
in a masculine manner.

For Dr. Reed's expertise
and what he needs to do

and the material he needs, no,
it wasn't to his advantage.

But it was % the
right decision for her.

Parents just want their kids
to have a great childhood,

a happy childhood,

and I know Jazz has had that.

So if we have to go a different
route now, it's worth it.

Jazz: Being on these blockers,
it has been incredible.

If I had to develop as a male,

I would be so depressed and so
uncomfortable in my own body.

So I wouldn't change it at all.

But knowing that I may not be able

to get the standard
vaginoplasty is really upsetting

because I know that I need
this, and I may not get it.

I can't imagine not having a vag*na

for the rest of my life.