02x15 - The Secret Box/Band Geeks

Episode transcripts for the TV show "SpongeBob SquarePants". Aired: May 1, 1999 - present.*
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A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.
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02x15 - The Secret Box/Band Geeks

Post by bunniefuu »

Patrick?

Patrick?

Oh, Patrick!

Are you ready to
go jelly fishing?

( creaking )

Oh, boy, am I!

Here's your net.

Well, come on, Patrick.

The jellyfish don't
catch themselves.

First, I have to put away
my secret box.

Secret box?

You never told me about your...

secret box.

Hey! Hands off,
Peeping Bob.

This here's my secret box.

Besides, if I showed you
what was inside,

it wouldn't be a secret anymore.

Duh!

( creaking )

( laughing )

Oh, SpongeBob!

If only you could see
inside my secret box,

it would change your life.

It's okay, Patrick,
I know all about secrets.

You do?

I've got a gazillion secrets.

Like what?

Well, it's no secret that
the best thing about a secret

is secretly telling someone
your secret,

thereby secretly adding
another secret

to their secret collection
of secrets... secretly.

( electrical buzzing )

You want to hear one of my secrets?
Do I?!

Uh... let's see.

Did you know
you're my best friend?

No... way.

Oh, let's hear another one!

Okay. Uh... secretly,
I'm a little bit naive.

Wow.

l'll never look at you
the same way again, SpongeBob.

Gosh!

( clears throat )

Tell me some more secrets!

Okay...

l love my job
at The Krusty Krab.

I sleep with my shoes on.

l like jelly
on both sides of my toast.

l've got
an overdue library book.

l think jelly fishing
and bubble blowing are the...

...overbite.

I've never been late for work.

I've said the word "fancy"
in conversation.

l like to dance
to loading zone announcements.

l still don't have
my driver's license.

l'm a little
on the short side

and I'm wearing three pairs
of underwear right now.

Gasp.

I never would have guessed.

Now, will you show me
what's inside your secret box?

No, SpongeBob!

lt's for me to know,
and for you to never find out!

You may be an open
book, SpongeBob,

but I'm a bit more
complicated than that.

The inner machinations
of my mind are an enigma.

Oh, yeah?! Well, I got
plenty of secret stuff, too!

Uh...

I've got my secret socks on.

( panting )

And my secret Gary's bowl.

( grunting )

My secret TV

and my secret TV channel.

( test tone )

What do you think of that,
Patrick?

Patrick?

( chuckling )

( guffawing )

( gasping for air )

Whew!

( laughing harder )

( laughing hysterically )

( gasping )

Oh, whew!

Maybe if you saw
what was inside,

you'd know why it
has to be secret.

Inside this very box is
the most secrety secret

in all of Secretdom,
and I am its sole witness!

It's a heavy burden, SpongeBob,

but nobody must know
the mystery of the box.

Nobody!

( knees knocking )

Not even...
Squidward's house.

It's a full-time job.

I'm constantly on the alert.

You never know
when someone's gonna...

( gasps )

( jabbering )

( grunts )

SpongeBob, what do you
think you're doing?!

That's my secret box!

Now hand it over!

But, Patrick,
I must know the secret.

For the last time,
SpongeBob, no!

Come on, just a peek.

( grunting ):
Never!


( grunting )

( pop ) ( gasps )

So, it's come to this.

And to think we joined
the Best Friends Forever Club!

( tinkling )

( grunts )

Listen up, SpongeBob
"Secret Stealer" Pants!

If you ever come near
my secret box again,


we won't be friends anymore!

But... we're supposed to be...
friends forever.

( giggling )

( laughing )

( laughter continues )

( still laughing )

( muffled laughter )

( sniffles )

I feel so filthy.

I have soiled
our friendship garden.

( sobbing ):
I just couldn't help myself.


I know it's your secret.

I promise to respect that.

Oh, please forgive me,
Patrick, please!

Well...

( squishy noises )

I guess it's not all your fault.

After all, this is
a pretty great secret.

I mean, how could you resist

the greatest secret ever?!

The most amazing...

mysterious...

powerful secret in
all of Bikini Bottom?

So, what do you say, buddy?

Friends?

Friends.

SPONGEBOB:
What could be in that box

that Patrick
doesn't want me to see?


Maybe it's the world's
only albino jellyfish

or maybe Patrick's
a master jewel thief

and it's full of diamonds.

Or maybe Patrick's
a deranged maniac

who keeps his victims'
severed heads in a box.

Or even worse,

maybe it's
an embarrassing snapshot of me

from a Christmas party.

( shrieking )

l got to find out
what's in that secret box.

I'm not going to rest till I do!

That's it.

How do you look
into a secret box?

Secretly, of course.

I'll just take the box
while Patrick's sleeping

look inside,

and before Patrick

even has time to notice,

I'll slide it back.

Patrick won't know

and I'll have
my own little secret.

Good idea, eh, Gary?

Mmm... No.

SPONGEBOB:
Oh, what do you know?

You're a snail.

( snoring )

( snorting )

Snizzlefrazzy!

( snoring )

( cracking )

Who's it?!

( snoring )

Se-e-ecret.

SPONGEBOB (thinking):
I got to be more quiet.

I don't want to wake Patrick up.

( squeaking )

( thunk )

( gasps )

( yawning )

( groaning )

( snoring )

( metallic squeak )

( creaking )

( snorts )

( yawns and groans )

( snoring )

( creaking )

( loud thud )

Duh! Who's there?!

( snoring ):
Who's... Who's...


Oh...

Shh!

( metallic groan )

( glass shattering )

Hey!

( jabbering )

Oh...

( snoring )

( loud splash )

Mmm... water.

( snoring )

( creaking )

( loud thud )

( snoring )

( creaking and clonking )

( creaking )

( groaning softly )

( snoring )

( buzzing )

( crash )

( snoring )

Good old secret box.

Let's see what's inside.

( laughing )

Nighty-night, boxie.

( loud, continued racket )

( glass shattering )

( racket continuing )

( whizzing )

( snoring )

Gee, Patrick sure is
a heavy sleeper.

Huh? Who said that?

Who's there?!

Uh...

It's the clam burglar!

And he's stealing my secret box!

Hand over the goods,
secret-box bandit

and prepare for
the most unpleasant

pillow fight of your life!

( g*n cocking )

Wait, wait, wait, Patrick. Stop!

It's me, SpongeBob!

Nice try, burglar.

But SpongeBob's my best friend
and he'd never steal from me.

No, really, Patrick.
Look.

( gasps )

♪ It's
the Best Friends Forever ♪

♪ Best Friends Forever Ring! ♪

Our friendship ring.

It is you!

( sobbing ):
How could you do this?


If it makes you feel any better,

I haven't looked inside.

That's it, SpongeBob.

You have crossed the line.

As of right now, this
friendship is over!

Really?

Nah, you can look inside
if you really want to.

Okay!

Oh, this is one of the most

exciting moments of my life.

Well, here it goes.

Huh?

Well? Didn't I tell you?

Isn't it great?

It's just a string.

A secret string!

Boy, when you're right,
you're right.

That's some secret box
you got there.

Yeah. Thanks
for showing me that.

Well, good night, Patrick.

See you tomorrow.

Good night, SpongeBob.

I should have known

it was just
a piece of string all along.

( cackles )

Wait till I tell Gary.

( laughing )

Good thing he didn't pull
the secret string,

opening the secret compartment

of my secret box,

revealing one embarrassing
snapshot of SpongeBob

at that Christmas party.

( Patrick laughing )

Merry Christmas, SpongeBob!

( laughter )

Patrick?

Patrick?

Oh, Patrick!

Are you ready to
go jelly fishing?

( creaking )

Oh, boy, am I!

Here's your net.

Well, come on, Patrick.

The jellyfish don't
catch themselves.

First, I have to put away
my secret box.

Secret box?

You never told me about your...

secret box.

Hey! Hands off,
Peeping Bob.

This here's my secret box.

Besides, if I showed you
what was inside,

it wouldn't be a secret anymore.

Duh!

( creaking )

( laughing )

Oh, SpongeBob!

If only you could see
inside my secret box,

it would change your life.

It's okay, Patrick,
I know all about secrets.

You do?

I've got a gazillion secrets.

Like what?

Well, it's no secret that
the best thing about a secret

is secretly telling someone
your secret,

thereby secretly adding
another secret

to their secret collection
of secrets... secretly.

( electrical buzzing )

You want to hear one of my secrets?
Do I?!

Uh... let's see.

Did you know
you're my best friend?

No... way.

Oh, let's hear another one!

Okay. Uh... secretly,
I'm a little bit naive.

Wow.

l'll never look at you
the same way again, SpongeBob.

Gosh!

( clears throat )

Tell me some more secrets!

Okay...

l love my job
at The Krusty Krab.

I sleep with my shoes on.

l like jelly
on both sides of my toast.

l've got
an overdue library book.

l think jelly fishing
and bubble blowing are the...

...overbite.

I've never been late for work.

I've said the word "fancy"
in conversation.


l like to dance
to loading zone announcements.

l still don't have
my driver's license.

l'm a little
on the short side

and I'm wearing three pairs
of underwear right now.

Gasp.

I never would have guessed.

Now, will you show me
what's inside your secret box?

No, SpongeBob!

lt's for me to know,
and for you to never find out!

You may be an open
book, SpongeBob,

but I'm a bit more
complicated than that.

The inner machinations
of my mind are an enigma.

Oh, yeah?! Well, I got
plenty of secret stuff, too!

Uh...

I've got my secret socks on.

( panting )

And my secret Gary's bowl.

( grunting )

My secret TV

and my secret TV channel.

( test tone )

What do you think of that,
Patrick?

Patrick?

( chuckling )

( guffawing )

( gasping for air )

Whew!

( laughing harder )

( laughing hysterically )

( gasping )

Oh, whew!

Maybe if you saw
what was inside,

you'd know why it
has to be secret.

Inside this very box is
the most secrety secret

in all of Secretdom,
and I am its sole witness!

It's a heavy burden, SpongeBob,

but nobody must know
the mystery of the box.

Nobody!

( knees knocking )

Not even...
Squidward's house.

It's a full-time job.

I'm constantly on the alert.

You never know
when someone's gonna...

( gasps )

( jabbering )

( grunts )

SpongeBob, what do you
think you're doing?!

That's my secret box!

Now hand it over!

But, Patrick,
I must know the secret.

For the last time,
SpongeBob, no!

Come on, just a peek.

( grunting ):
Never!


( grunting )

( pop ) ( gasps )

So, it's come to this.

And to think we joined
the Best Friends Forever Club!

( tinkling )

( grunts )

Listen up, SpongeBob
"Secret Stealer" Pants!

If you ever come near
my secret box again,


we won't be friends anymore!

But... we're supposed to be...
friends forever.

( giggling )

( laughing )

( laughter continues )

( still laughing )

( muffled laughter )

( sniffles )

I feel so filthy.

I have soiled
our friendship garden.

( sobbing ):
I just couldn't help myself.


I know it's your secret.

I promise to respect that.

Oh, please forgive me,
Patrick, please!

Well...

( squishy noises )

I guess it's not all your fault.

After all, this is
a pretty great secret.

I mean, how could you resist

the greatest secret ever?!

The most amazing...

mysterious...

powerful secret in
all of Bikini Bottom?

So, what do you say, buddy?

Friends?

Friends.

SPONGEBOB:
What could be in that box

that Patrick
doesn't want me to see?


Maybe it's the world's
only albino jellyfish

or maybe Patrick's
a master jewel thief

and it's full of diamonds.

Or maybe Patrick's
a deranged maniac

who keeps his victims'
severed heads in a box.

Or even worse,

maybe it's
an embarrassing snapshot of me

from a Christmas party.

( shrieking )

l got to find out
what's in that secret box.

I'm not going to rest till I do!

That's it.

How do you look
into a secret box?

Secretly, of course.

I'll just take the box
while Patrick's sleeping

look inside,

and before Patrick

even has time to notice,

I'll slide it back.

Patrick won't know

and I'll have
my own little secret.

Good idea, eh, Gary?

Mmm... No.

SPONGEBOB:
Oh, what do you know?

You're a snail.

( snoring )

( snorting )

Snizzlefrazzy!

( snoring )

( cracking )

Who's it?!

( snoring )

Se-e-ecret.

SPONGEBOB (thinking):
I got to be more quiet.

I don't want to wake Patrick up.

( squeaking )

( thunk )

( gasps )

( yawning )

( groaning )

( snoring )

( metallic squeak )

( creaking )

( snorts )

( yawns and groans )

( snoring )

( creaking )

( loud thud )

Duh! Who's there?!

( snoring ):
Who's... Who's...


Oh...

Shh!

( metallic groan )

( glass shattering )

Hey!

( jabbering )

Oh...

( snoring )

( loud splash )

Mmm... water.

( snoring )

( creaking )

( loud thud )

( snoring )

( creaking and clonking )

( creaking )

( groaning softly )

( snoring )

( buzzing )

( crash )

( snoring )

Good old secret box.

Let's see what's inside.

( laughing )

Nighty-night, boxie.

( loud, continued racket )

( glass shattering )

( racket continuing )

( whizzing )

( snoring )

Gee, Patrick sure is
a heavy sleeper.

Huh? Who said that?

Who's there?!

Uh...

It's the clam burglar!

And he's stealing my secret box!

Hand over the goods,
secret-box bandit

and prepare for
the most unpleasant

pillow fight of your life!

( g*n cocking )

Wait, wait, wait, Patrick. Stop!

It's me, SpongeBob!

Nice try, burglar.

But SpongeBob's my best friend
and he'd never steal from me.

No, really, Patrick.
Look.

( gasps )

♪ It's
the Best Friends Forever ♪

♪ Best Friends Forever Ring! ♪

Our friendship ring.

It is you!

( sobbing ):
How could you do this?


If it makes you feel any better,

I haven't looked inside.

That's it, SpongeBob.

You have crossed the line.

As of right now, this
friendship is over!

Really?

Nah, you can look inside
if you really want to.

Okay!

Oh, this is one of the most

exciting moments of my life.

Well, here it goes.

Huh?

Well? Didn't I tell you?

Isn't it great?

It's just a string.

A secret string!

Boy, when you're right,
you're right.

That's some secret box
you got there.

Yeah. Thanks
for showing me that.

Well, good night, Patrick.

See you tomorrow.

Good night, SpongeBob.

I should have known

it was just
a piece of string all along.

( cackles )

Wait till I tell Gary.

( laughing )

Good thing he didn't pull
the secret string,

opening the secret compartment

of my secret box,

revealing one embarrassing
snapshot of SpongeBob

at that Christmas party.

( Patrick laughing )

Merry Christmas, SpongeBob!

( laughter )
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