okay Tina you're all ready for your
baton lessons I can't use a toilet
plunger is it baton Jerry can happy
twirling hey Lauren hey Sarah hey Brian
so Sarah how do you like tutoring Lauren
it's okay you can speak freely in front
of her just use big words like
hopelessly desperate weenie boy but you
two kids you know before I went off to
college I used to fight with my brother
all the time
now I miss him that's not gonna happen
yeah Laurens right she's never getting
into college not everyone can be as
smart as you
oh did you know that the bullfrog is the
only amphibian that never sleeps
I better get upstairs
here Tina I have one you can use be my
pleasure to pass the baton it's a joke
of the trade
that's your baton yep this is a
perfectly calibrated titanium instrument
only the most elite in our twirling
squad get to spend this kind of Steel I
call mine Wonder Boy because when you
twirl it we wonder if you're a boy
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
what's wrong well I just have some Airy
sh*t of the dance and she turned me down
very sh*t isn't she the girl with the an
head she has a below average sized head
yes she said she was gonna be busy that
night she has to wash your hair well
that shouldn't take long
Brian's having a hard time finding a
date for the spring formal
Oh sweetie maybe this'll cheer you up
Evan Turner asked me to the spring
formal today how's that supposed to
cheer me up oh well cheers me up so you
got a date to the spring formal good for
you yeah it's just you know Evans a
senior and my dad has this weird rule
about you know me dating guys yeah
that's why we have to remind bill that
he already agreed to let her go oh did
he
oh hell no but if we time it right
between the beer the pot roast and my
tight sweater it creates the perfect
storm of distraction yeah mom's really
good at this this is how she told Dad
that she crashed the minivan I'm proud
of that one I actually convinced him
that he did it this is crazy family
members shouldn't have to trick each
other into doing stuff he should just be
able to tell bill that Lauren's going to
the formal with the senior and that's
that no no we have beer and pot roast
yes yes oh yes no you're not going out
with a senior thanks a lot Aunt Linda
I'm sorry but I don't allow you kids to
date older people it's my one big rule
bill but I met him and he's a nice kid
and they're just going to a dinner
yeah I'm he's gonna drive her to the
dance and then drive her straight home
so he has a car then definitely No
[Music]
that's enough Teuton practice for today
but Lincoln who said to practice an hour
every day
what she meant was practice until it
feels like an hour so you're done okay
Lauren your father was saving that pot
roast he'll yep maybe no no but feels
like you've been denied something my god
that is so mean and petty you're gonna
make a wonderful wife someday honey I'm
home hungry for heal I've had pot roast
on my brain since ah sorry did you want
that because I always eat delicious
leftover pot roast
it's my one big rule why didn't we just
stop after the first kid
oh yeah that's right I wanted a boy
anyway guess what guys things are
finally looking up for me you got a date
for the dance no but I do have a secret
admirer a secret admirer yeah she's been
emailing me since last night she's so
smart
listen what you sent me let not my love
be called idolatry nor my beloved as an
idol show since all alike my songs and
praises be to one of one still such and
ever so I think your computer might be
broke sounds like every other words
missing dad it's a Shakespearean sonnet
Bryan this girl sounds great you should
find out who she had absolutely a girl
like this is probably a moose what I
mean there's a reason she's keeping her
identity under wraps she's either
writing to you from jail or she's a he
or a he she she she
they're out there trust me
trust me hey Sarah
hi Brian I brought you that northwestern
catalog wanted ah Northwestern they
recruited me wait
northwestern recruited you wait that's
not the word escorted me off campus
great party
so what do you know about the physics
department well I know you probably be
the cutest guy in it by far yeah the
best of my process converts iron ore
into steel you uh you better get
upstairs yeah Lauren and I are working
on Shakespearean sonnets she
Shakespearean sonnets did she know a few
yeah actually I I know a few uh you know
my favorite one is but not my love be
called idolatry nor my beloved as an
idol show that's my favorite too oh my
god you like me me up me favorite so
nummy Lassie
you cr*ck me up Brian
yeah dad guess what Sarah is my secret
admirer
really yeah she just said that her
favorite sonnet was the one from the
email I can't be a coincidence
Wow she's not a moose at all but we
can't rule out that she's a he/she it's
always a possibility
always
I bet she just wants to keep it a secret
because she's Lauren's tutor God you've
stumbled into a classic 80s movie
fantasy an older experienced seductress
is looking to tutor you in the ways of
love oh you gotta ask her out I've sat
through cheerleading twirling and
something called bell choir you owe me
this I can't ask out a college girl
where am I supposed to take her how
about that dance you show up with a
college girl you'll be a legend in your
high school the guys in twirling squad
would lose it I don't think the guys in
twirling squad are African what am I
thinking she she's 19 she sleeps in a
dorm with other hot women I sleep in
jammies for the humidifier calm down all
you need is some confidence I can help
you with that
really yeah asking a girl out is just
salesmanship and I'm a Salesman there's
no difference between you and a toilet
as honored as I am by that comparison I
think I'll handle this on my own
dictionary down here Brian
problem I mean now but roblem
help me oh my god dad dad I need your
help I just got an instant message from
Booker book girl Bryan secret admirer I
had a secret admirer once he gets out of
prison in five years
what's up doing anything fun this
weekend okay tell us something cool you
like to do oh I I build remote-control
robot now no good for you your old man
knows how to spin a web of seduction
I'll tell you what I'm doing this
weekend I'll be going to the gym working
on my pecs wonderful Brian thinks book
girl is who cares I mean as long as
Brian thinks that she's an older woman
and my dad lets him go out it's a long
way to go to prove your dad has a double
standard look if it gets me to the dance
with Evan that's all that matters
incoming I was gonna go dancing but my
friends bailed on me too bad I was so in
the mood to dance realer in bills ask
her if she wants to go to the dance no
dad you're moving too fast you're gonna
scare off
what do we stand what are we sin for my
boo boo do something I got it I got it
that's Russian which I learned at spy
school that did not send that hi mom
whose book girl Brian's secret admirer
it turns out is Laurence Tudor and
Bill's helping them really really I mean
Sarah she's nineteen nineteen that was
the year I lost my virginity to my mom's
desperate friend I should have probably
remained a thought so you hit the
ceiling when a senior asked Lauren to
the dance but it's okay for Brian to
date a college freshman don't you think
there's a little double standard there
not at all I have one standard for Brian
and another different standard for Lord
hey they each get their own I was gonna
say that's the stupidest thing I've ever
heard but I want to wait to hear what
you have to say now all I'm saying is
girls are easily tricked it's not their
fault they're born that way you want
Brian to date this girl that's fine
but I'm gonna tell Lauren that she can
go to the dance with Evan look Judy we
can't always treat Brian and Lauren as
equals Brian's just gonna take this girl
to the dance and try to get lucky but
this Evan guy is gonna take Lauren to
the dance and try to get lucky
so sexist sexist or sexy sexy Lauren
let's go to the mall or getting you a
dress for the dance test each is mine
well if your father is willing to let
your brother date your tutor then you
can go to the dance with someone older
too why would Brian be going out with my
tutor turns out she's been emailing him
all week he thinks he's Sarah oh wait a
minute book girl your book girl bye good
no witnesses
I believe you would do something like
this look I just wanted to prove that
dad was being unfair about this I could
go to the dance so you screwed with your
brother's head to make your stupid point
we didn't raise you like that oh and
then please explain to me how dad
wrecked the minivan without even being
in it at the time that was brilliant
your brother really thinks that girl
likes him I never claimed to be Sarah I
mean he came to that all on his own
well you can forget about even going to
that dance and you're gonna go
downstairs to tell Brian everything yeah
sooner or later you're gonna have to
face the music it's been 20 minutes
looks like she isn't riding back anymore
no I really should get back to the store
I told a customer I'd check for
something in the stockroom this will do
well we haven't heard a word from her
since you told her I was a spy really
move not to mention a violation of
federal law who needs a spy when you can
date general dork
Supreme Commander the remote control
robots there you are we were wondering
where you'd got to Oh Sarah Sarah hi Wow
you're here remember confidence you're a
toilet sell yourself so is Lauren here
yeah she'll be down in a minute
so uh there's there's been something
I've been meaning to ask you what is it
well uh I was wondering if you'd be
interested in going with me this
Saturday night - uh - what - to see my
rock collection
Saturday where is this rock collection
um it's it's it's upstairs well I have a
few minutes now if you want oh but
that's that's uh that's cool too they're
from my bedroom while we're up there we
can check out my remote control room bro
yes but I am I think I learn it's one of
my friends and twirling straws is your
father sick yeah he has allergies just
like me where's Brian you're never gonna
believe what Lauren did to him
I wouldn't worry about him thanks to me
Brian's having some alone time with
Lauren's tutor what yep
Sarah's upstairs right now oh and if she
asks Brian has a remote control robe
he'll his secret admirer isn't Sarah
it's Lauren she's the one who's been
emailing it look it was just a joke so
Brian's not gonna have a tutor to school
him in the ways of love I can barely
afford what we're paying her to teach
Lawrence this note comes from South
Dakota
this is so embarrassing so horribly
embarrassing yeah Laurens waiting for
you downstairs
thank you mrs. Miller haven't you two
ever heard of knocking confidence to
make my move and you ruined everything
it's great that you have confidence but
you might want to start this
relationship fresh from here on out as
if those Iams weren't even from Sarah
what are you talking about they weren't
from Sarah what they were from Lauren
what she wanted to prove that your dad
had a double standard but you know Sarah
really does like you so if there's a big
winner in all this I would
say it was you I can't talk to Sara now
that I know she's never even liked me my
confidence was based on a lie but she
kissed you that means something it was
probably just a pity kiss a pity kiss is
still a kiss and you know what a pity
kiss can lead to pity marriage oh just
forget it it's over I told you I could
never get a girl like that all right I
want you to take a knee and listen up
you have a tutor in your grasp and
you're just gonna let her go sure you're
not the coolest kid on the block sure
she's an older experienced woman but if
nerds from eighties movies have told us
anything is that you do what you have to
to get the girl you invent love potions
your date a manic you become a Teen Wolf
what's her he's on a roll now I don't
know what she said to that girl but she
kissed you for who you are so you get
down there and you claim Sara for every
man who's ever dreamed the dream of
having his own private tutor
[Music]
hey I'm practicing practice is over
it's game time uh Sarah I need to talk
to you for a second okay I probably
should get going anyway do you mind if
we do this tomorrow
you're dead for what you did to me
Oh and that's scary cuz you go to spy
school
Sariah parents mad do you want to go to
the spring formal with me oh um I don't
know Brian high school dance
I mean I'm alone maybe that spring
formal would be fun
oh my god that's awesome I mean uh so
good
great so well see a Saturday I'll pick
you up at 8:00 sharp eight is the time
sharp here's my look wait well uh take
it easy kid no no take it light she said
yes she said yes the guys in twirling
squad will freak out with a girl she has
breasts in a car and hey baby
I just forgot my um
listen Brian about the dance I
understand so how did it die your twirl
didn't
03x18 - Still Admiring
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.