[Music]
good morning ladies and gentlemen Sir
Elton John my allergies are acting up
but can't wear my contact lenses so I
dusted off my glasses I think they may
care was pretty long oh thank you
sweetie rest of you guys i was thinking
i need to get serious about college
minute yeah and there's a tour voy alla
this friday night there's a college tour
and friday night yeah from nine to
midnight or so really well well I gotta
ask you two questions is Loyola state
school and how stupid do you think I am
[Music]
wrong you're not going to a frat party I
can't believe they even invite a high
school girl I ought to go over to that
not going either there's gonna be half
naked drunk people running around doing
stupid things yeah I've got any
different from here you're not related
to those people yeah too bad long
[ __ ] we one sh*t at being on a
college campus without being on a herpes
poster yeah Brian I have herpes in my
cereal
[Laughter]
hey knock it off I can't stand this
fightin you two need to learn how to get
along you know you're only going to have
each other to depend on when your father
and I are gone and by god I mean living
in Hawaii under assumed names I'm Chico
I want you two to hug now right now I
smell like Batman soap on a rope yeah
sure like I really take it out of its
original package Ryan I was thinking
maybe you and me could have a little
father-son bonding time on sunday really
wait oh you're your mother's making me
insulate the attic and you're helping me
think of us as a team I'm Chico and
you're the man the man who crawls ahead
of me so I don't get any spiders in my
hair well are you gonna pay me that's
right belts big job she came some fine
then maybe I should get paid for
everything I do around here you already
are one sometimes twice a week I'm
talking about press in his pants is what
we call having sex
[Applause]
[Music]
hey traffic school has to work without a
good idea I had to speed like hell to
get here did you take the Wayback
Machine mr. Peabody hahaha my glasses
make me look like a nerd good stuff
but not suppose of us getting a ticket
at the same time well you know it's out
there I was only speeding because some
lunatic behind me kept tapping my bumper
and honking it wasn't for me it was for
the line of cars behind me grandma
welcome to right way traffic schools I'm
mr. Kruger your instructor living proof
that you can get a job with the PhD in
poetry will begin in exactly eight
minutes we're being back in a classroom
together isn't it kind of high school
I'm a house on it was passing notes boys
fighting to sit next to you using your
assets to get out of a quiz so don't I
really go but i do remember being
bullied into doing some bimbos homework
because they were too lazy to cr*ck open
a book again sorry
hey what's with the getup I just dropped
Perry off to the airport he had to go
back to reno wanted him to be able to
see your boobs from there no I just want
to make sure he misses me in the girls
miss if you're looking for a seat
there's one right here no sorry I wants
it next my sister actually I was talking
to her so what was your tickets for did
you get a DW be driving well beautiful
[Laughter]
I'm all about the funny excuse me I
really like your earrings did you get
that kiss you had you know I almost
bought the same pair hi I'm Christine I
am Linda Marco Hey hi I'm Judy I got the
necklace at kipp did you get to stain on
your shirt there too okay you are all
about the phony I like it here for a
stained white I'm a drinky eater too
hey would you like a section of my
newspaper uh-oh world politics nothing I
know what you mean it's so depressing do
you think the g8 countries will ever
solve the problem of Africa's ongoing
debt I don't know maybe they should just
you know cut up Africa's credit card
satire Bravo so refreshing to find
someone smart enough to engage in witty
repartee well I do love a good party our
delightful dr. you think of all dr. Judy
Miller thanks again for coming to get me
his mom no I went to that frat party she
would freak I still can't believe back
at ditched me yeah well you're just
lucky I wasn't out on a date or
something yeah lucky anyway it was
really cool of you to do this for me I
only one don't even worry about all
that's important is that you not have a
trust and understanding if from now on
during my sl*ve what you'll do what I
say when I say otherwise I'll rat us oh
I'll k*ll you you when they were home
movies you went to the movies together
that it's great i love to see you guys
getting along yeah in fact I sherborne
such a good time that she was just
telling me how much she owed me I
witness out sure you did see we went and
saw this movie called the sl*ve it's
about this dim-witted [ __ ] girl who
despite her mother's warning
don't spoil the ending for them oh good
news dad Lauren wants to help us
insulate the Attic on Sunday oops I
don't know the attics are very dangerous
place I'm not sure a young three welcome
aboard
hey where's your bairn I said we're
gonna quiz each other on the new highway
law yeah i just had to pull it off and
crochet ooh sexy another outfit for
perry not your traffic school there are
girls of traffic school calendar than I
don't know about come on it's fun
getting some attention like being the
popular one for once Marco Marco
actually passed me a note in class had
said are you bored check yes or no I
kept you yeah yeah you know it's kind of
fun that guy Wallace because my glasses
he thought I was some kind of Brainiac
like to have someone interested in what
I had to say we have this very
stimulating conversation about global
warming apparently it's real bad what
are you doing sl*ve you should be
upstairs making my bed and cleaning my
robot I am done doing anything for you
jerk wad so from now on you can go back
to polishing your own robot how dare you
speak to me that way it's punishment you
miss clean my retainer you're gone
forget oh really well then I guess it's
time for me to go have a talk good mom
about where you were on Friday night you
know what you're not going to do that
because while I was cleaning your room I
found major dirt on you you're bluffing
you don't have anything on me oh don't I
and by the way you're disgusting you
looked under my bed no I was bluffing
but I'm looking now stupid
oh hey hey hey I'm trying to nap and if
you do k*ll each other the rest of my
days paperwork Laura went to a frat
party after mom said she couldn't have
Oh Brian said I had to be a sl*very tell
oh so all that lovey-dovey stuff was
just crap you know your mother's gonna
lose it if she finds out you've both
been lying to her dad are you gonna tell
her no really I'm sure your mother
doesn't need to know it's more important
to me that there be a bond between the
three of us an understanding that you'll
be insulating the Attic by yourselves
because you're now both mice Quran and
by the way the job pays ten dollars an
hour which you'll be paying me so work
fast that was funny laughs late
[Music]
can anyone tell me who has the right of
way in a four-way stop sign oh oh again
dr. Miller yeah and four-way stop sign
you should always yield to the car on
your right unless of course you are
being blocked by an iceberg that is
melting due to global warming very good
next up is our safety video broken
windshields broken lives what's up well
I'm glad you could all make it you do
know this class has a hard start time
yeah I know it's a hard start fun why we
had hard time getting here silly well
after all what what different through a
few 45 minutes actually make can we done
the lights I am I hope you're gonna
behave yourself in the dark Mr Gruber
were you in an accident because your
airbags are inflated what is the big
deal like stuck in a couple falsies I
think it makes the dress look better my
pops it takes up your Posse don't you
could get a little carried away
pretending to be someone you're not oh I
don't know dr. Miller okay here we go
Linda come sit back here with us okay oh
my friends want me to put them all right
have some respect it's just traffic
school I'm sorry since the what happened
again ouch that's gotta hurt do you mind
some of us are trying to learn something
some of us are trying to learn something
I'm sorry some of us are trying to learn
something okay can you keep it down if
someone has a dr alerts up it would seek
to let you guys know
[Laughter]
[Music]
Brian why you and Lauren turn the
insulation don't leave any ragged edges
I want your mother to think I do quality
work in your colon Thank You Tina and
school we talked about how we help
around the house I'll be gaining a call
I don't hear the pitter-patter of little
sl*ve feet we're taking a break if the
Egyptians took a break they never would
have finished that pyramid in Las Vegas
by the way I'm taking a break tonight
when dad's asleep I'm gonna rub every
one of his beer bottles on my ass enjoy
your ass beer my friend that's right
drink up oh we wouldn't even be here if
you had blackmailed me after I totally
trusted you yeah like you're so innocent
what are you talking about okay like a
like the other night when I picked you
up from the party yeah won't it it
really hurt that you made me pick you up
a block away you were nowhere near the
frat house you were standing under a
sign that said betzalel Senior Center
okay Beth is a friend of mine and she is
a senior in college okay I'm not the
dumb one remember are you dad a shame to
be seen with me am I really that much of
a geek oh so that's what this is about I
hurt your feelings yeah you did you know
here I was doing something that I
thought was nice and then I ended up
feeling bad about myself i I'm sorry I
made you feel like a geek but I wasn't
ashamed of you I was just embarrassed
that I I needed my big brother to come
pick me up for my first college party
really yeah I would have felt the same
way even if you were cool
[Laughter]
if that makes sense good you know you
shouldn't be embarrassed to call me
anytime you need thinking oh I'll come
to your rescue Thanks no just like when
the Human Torch rescue Sue Storm from
Victor Von Doom you really don't get
this whole gay thing yeah hey isn't this
mom's old karaoke machine yeah she loves
that thing not as much as dad hated it
remember he told her it was stolen oh my
god you know what this means yes that
the scenes must have put it up here or
dad lied and put it up here to hide it
from mom which means if she found it
she'd be very upset with them which
means we finally found a way to burn dad
Human Torch style flame on I'm really
trying to be nice to you here
okay so it's decided we'll call
ourselves the amigos who Jesus who could
invite Tammy into the group yeah um
Timmy's not really a mica material but
you can tell her we're considering her
and make her guests clapping oh that's
dr. Miller she looks great I'll be right
back are you doing being all beautiful I
mean you feel like a loser so I figured
if you can't b*at him show Judy you
can't see the pot for the one I called
it how is your syllabi with a doctor go
be a doctor okay I will Oh doctor I
worked at number one hey dr. Miller come
sit with us well looky looky I get to be
room you can be lucky day you want to
get amigo Linda says we're all coughing
at seven o'clock to goof on the teacher
you want in mm-hmm I get a better idea
let's not cough at seven o'clock and
goof on Linda okay let's get started
everybody please take your seat there's
one right here
of course through so anyone tell me
which way you turn your wheels when
you're parking uphill Linda well um I
was out late last night so I kind of
read the manual I don't think that's a
very good excuse wow are you right what
the correct answer is away from the car
very good dr. Miller and once again Wow
let me see Nick I don't see your name on
it go find another one or better yet go
get us some lucky adios amigo could you
please take your seat would you like a
seat Lawson really if you need medical
attention perhaps the lovely dr. Miller
he's not a doctor okay see a dental
assistant her job is to throw away used
gloss she was a DS student and the only
way she got through high school would
buy copping off me okay i am the smart
one she's just faking it
speaking of faking
I'll take my DS over your A's hey what
are you two doing down here we're done
with being your slaves then I guess I
better go have a little word with your
mother well be sure to tell me that we
found a karaoke machine what the the one
that was stolen oh give it up dad we
know you should it oh well you got me I
guess I better go finish the Attic on my
own it's not up there we moved it well
looks like you kids b*at me at my own
game unless of course I have a Tr*mp
card what are you talking about you're
not gonna give it that machine back why
not cuz you don't want to singing any
more than I do she's terrible when she
sings angels d*ed remember karaoke night
he's right would you think I will
survive we totally did amateurs back to
work my slaves up no I'm not backing
down dad to hell with the consequences
nothing can be worse than being stuck in
an attic
[Music]
I thought you said you hit it we did I
mature you don't just me i'm bringing
back karaoke night oh darn well we got
to go back up to the attic and finish
our work yeah we've been to get up there
we oh I'm coming with you
[Music]
we're going to need more installation
[Applause]
[Music]
04x04 - Still Beauty & the Geek
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.