09x21 - School of Crock

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

- Timmy, why are you packing a sleep mask for school?

- It's not what you think.

- You sleep during class?

- Then it is what you think.

- I got to get ready for school, too.

Traffic school.

- Sparky, dogs aren't supposed to drive.

Yeah, that's what the cops said

When they told me I had to go to traffic school.

I just need the borrow the car from your dad.

- Honey, the dog's giving me a ride to work.

See you later.

- Squirrel!

[Mr. Turner screams]

- Almost time for school, poof.

I'm making breakfast in the fish bowl.

What do you want, soggy eggs or soggy waffles?

- [Speaking gibberish]

- Yeah, I don't think we have that,

Mostly 'cause I don't know what you said.

- [Speaking gibberish]

- Oh, no!

The soggy pot roast I made last night made him crazy.

- What's wrong with my baby?

I'm gonna call dr. Rip studwell.

Dr. Studwell, something's wrong with poof.

- I'm afraid there's no cure.

- What?!

- For our love.

Sorry, wanda.

I was rehearsing my lines

For the soap opera I'm starring in.

I play a doctor that only treats

Supermodels in the arctic circle.

It's called the cold and the beautiful.

- I thought you were a real doctor.

- I am,

But I also play one on tv.

The money's better,

And I don't have to watch sick people undress.

- [Babbling]

- Oh, I see what the problem is.

- What is it, dr. Studwell?

- My character gets k*lled

By something called a laser penguin.

I've got to call my agent.

- No!

What's wrong with poof?

- Oh, right.

Poof's going through pooferty.

- Pooferty?

Don't you mean puberty?

- Young man, who's the supermodel doctor here?

Pooferty is when fairy babies go from saying "poof, poof"

To actual words.

But while poof makes the transition,

You won't be able to understand a thing he says.

- Well, maybe you can't understand him,

But I bet I can figure it out.

- [Babbling]

- He either said he's hungry

Or that I left the soggy oven on.

I'm betting he's hungry.

Boom!

I bet wrong.

- Is there anything you can do

For my baby, dr. Studwell?

- Don't worry, he'll come out of the fish bowl eventually.

- She meant poof.

- Oh, right.

Well, all we can do is give him

This list of words to practice.

- "Exterior: arctic circle, day.

A group of shivering models

Huddle around a hunky doctor for warmth."

- Oh, sorry, that's my next scene.

Practice these sounds, poof,

And eventually, you'll be able to speak

As good as I talk.

- [Babbling]

- Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to get back to the set

Before the supermodels wander off.

They don't have a lot upstairs, wanda.

Just the cold arctic wind whistling between their ears.

- It's the school bus, poof.

Have a good day.

- [Babbling]

- I can translate that.

He either said he'll see you after school,

Or he's marrying a siamese cat.

Either way, I accept him.

I'm proud of my weird, cat-loving son.

[Bell ringing]

- Oh, good, it's dark in here.

I won't have to use my sleep mask.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Live from dimmsdale elementary school.

It's the denzel crocker show!

Here's your host, denzel crocker.

- Thank you, thank you.

Take it away, f dancers!

Sorry I haven't graded your papers yet.

I was up until : rehearsing this number.

All right, f dancers, bring it on home!

Smack!

I probably should have cut

Eye holes in their costumes.

You all get fs for being terrible fs!

[All crying]

All right, kids,

Time for a field trip.

[All cheering]

To the dark recesses of my mind!

[All groan]

Allow me to introduce my latest invention.

I call it my abra-ca-blender!

This baby will drain the magic from any magical creature

And turn it into a delicious smoothie!

And once I drink it,

I'll have the creatures powers

With a protein boost.

- Hey, mr. Nut job,

Can we learn something now?

- Don't try to distract me, turner.

I know you have fairies!

And after all these years,

I've come to the conclusion that they're disguised

As your stupid pink hat,

Which I'm now gonna suck the magic from.

[Laughing]

Oops, had the settings up too high.

Oh, well, bottom's up.

Gah!

I don't feel magical at all.

All right, kids, read chapter three

While I go throw up hat juice.

- Boy, timmy, mr. Crocker's really out of control.

- Yeah, if he can put a hat in a blender,

There's no telling what kind of evil he's capable of.

The next time, it could be your pencil.

Holy cow, we're your pencils!

- Cosmo's right.

You guys are in danger,

And it's time we got rid of mr. Crocker once and for all.

I wish he were transferred to a new school.

And make it the one that's the farthest away from here.

- Done!

Boy, that was exhausting.

Who wants a refreshing glass of leftover hat juice?

Yum.

Ooh, that's coming right back up.

[Retches]

- I can't believe I was transferred

To another school.

Boy, you try to shape young minds

And skim a little money from the pta fund,

And this is the thanks you get.

"Spellementary school"?

Never heard of it.

I'll just plug the coordinates into the old gps,

And I'm off.

Hmm, using unleaded gas may have been a mistake.

Apparently the lead's what keeps you on the ground.

Guh.

Eee!

[Screams]

[Tires screech]

Ooh, that was a bumpy ride.

I think I burped up a little hat juice.

[Children cheering]

Nothing odd here.

Just a typical bunch of bratty brats.

She must unleaded gas in her broom.

Ah, that's the strange little kid from my neighbor's lawn.

Wait a minute!

A little kid tying his own shoe?

He must be magical!

Gah!

This is a school for magical children.

I've hit the jackpot.

But given that I'm a world-famous fairy hunter,

There's a good chance one of these brats will know me.

- Move it, weirdo.

- Yep, they know me.

Time for a clever disguise.

What are you looking at?

I'm your new teacher, mr. Sacklunch.

It's german for mr. Crocker-- I mean, wilcox.

[Tittering]

- Check this out, sammy.

I rigged a voice-activated fairy whacker to the door.

When poof enters and says "poof, poof"

Like he always does, ka-pow!

[Cackling]

- You make me sad and afraid.

- Oh, weep away, sammy.

Your tears only fuel my rage!

Beep!

Hello, poof.

What say you?

- [Babbling]

- What?

I didn't get quite hear you.

- [Babbling]

- That moron was supposed to say "poof, poof!"

Ah!

- Good morning, children.

- [Groans]

- I'm your new teacher, mr. Sacklunch.

- Mr. Sacklunch, I have a question.

- And I have an answer.

No!

- Ooh, I like him.

Finally a teacher worth sucking up to.

All right, students.

I'm anxious to drain you of your magic--

I mean, get to know you better.

- Ooh, mr. Sacklunch.

Let me show you my magic.

It's super scary, and it works best

If used on an innocent victim like poof over here.

- [Babbling]

- Is that gibberish,

Or can I just not hear you through this paper bag?

- [Babbling]

- Enough baby talk, kid.

You should be using real words at your age.

And you certainly shouldn't have a rattle.

Give me that.

- [Babbling]

- On that note of clarity, class dismissed.

Your homework is to prepare for a magical show-and-tell,

Where each of you will demonstrate your powers.

- But we've only been here for ten minutes,

And I want to learn something.

- Oh, you want to learn something?

Learn to duck!

- Best teacher ever!

- See you tomorrow, children.

Great, now I'm having a bag hair day.

But who cares?

Tomorrow, i, denzel crocker,

Will suck the magic out of those little brats

And become the most powerful creature in the universe!

- [Babbling]

- Gah!

You overheard my little secret, did you?

Well, you can't tell on me.

No one can understand a word you say.

And as far as anyone else knows,

I'm still mr. Sacklunch.

See you tomorrow when your magic will be mine.

[Cackling]

[Gags]

Yuck!

How am I still burping up hat juice?

- Hey, sport, how was the rest of your day

Without mr. Crocker?

- I don't know.

I slept through it.

- How are you ever gonna learn anything

If you never pay attention?

- Hey, timmy, when did you get a dog?

- That's sparky, cosmo.

I've had him for months.

- Oh, right.

Who's the chick with the pink hair?

- How'd traffic school go, sparky?

- No idea, timmy.

I slept through it.

Then I forgot to take my sleep mask off

When I drove off,

And I hit an f dancer.

She's okay.

In fact, we're having dinner later.

- [Frantic babbling]

- Who's the babbling kid?

Oh, right.

- Poof, what's wrong,

And where's your magic rattle?

- [Babbling]

- Calm down, poof.

Try using the voice exercises

Dr. Studwell gave you to practice with.

- [Frantic babbling]

- Oh, I still don't understand you.

Try acting it out, sweetie.

- [Frantic babbling]

Grr!

- Charades?

I love charades?

I want timmy to be my partner.

You're a beaver.

Game over. We win!

- We're not playing charades.

Poof is trying to tell us something important.

- I still don't understand.

Write it on your little chalkboard, honey.

Screech!

[All screaming]

Screechy chalk!

Ah!

- Ow!

Get inside, honey.

It's raining chalkboards.

- [Babbling]

- Calm down, poof.

Let's eat.

Daddy's making dinner.

- [Groans]

- Yeah.

There's a nothing a plate of soggy chicken nuggets

Can't cure.

Boom!

Eh, we'll just go out.

[Car alarm blaring]

[All cheering]

- Welcome back, marble mouth.

Let me guess.

You tried to tell everyone about my evil plan,

And no one understood you?

- [Babbling]

- [Imitates babbling]

That's what I thought.

Soon I'll be

The most magical middle-aged man in the world.

[Sniffing]

Till then, I'll be smelling egg salad all day.

Ooh, does baby want his rattle?

Maybe if you ask for it nicely, I'll give it to you.

But you can't, and I won't!

[Cackling]

- [Babbling]

- Mr. Sacklunch, you're gonna love my magical show-and-tell.

It'll make everyone long for death!

And might I add your egg salad cologne is delightful.

- Sit down, you little blue noser!

Now, to begin show-and-tell.

- [Babbling]

- That's enough.

You're first.

Show me your magic power.

It's obviously not public speaking.

Not going to cooperate, eh?

We'll see about that.

I know a thing or two about handling fairies!

- [Screams]

- All right, everyone, on three.

And a-one, and a-two

And a--

[Swinging band music]

- [Frantic babbling]

Smack!

- We'll begin the show-and-tell with--

- Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!

- Eagerness and enthusiasm will get you nowhere in my class.

I'm going with seamus the leprechaun.

- [Growls]

- What's your magic, kid, other than the fact

That you're sporting facial hair at age five.

- Top of the morning, laddie.

Me power is making rainbows.

Fart!

[All cheering]

- Is that where rainbows come from?

That's disgusting.

- Well, it is a little underwhelming,

But what the heck,

It's a good party trick.

Beep!

Zap!

- I don't feel so good.

- You do look a little more green than usual.

Why don't you sit down?

- But I'm not done with me--

- Sit down!

Sorry, I'm a little edgy.

There's not a lot of oxygen

Getting into this bag.

- [Babbling]

- Next up for magical show-and-tell...

- Oh, please let it be me!

- Sure, go ahead.

Not!

Eddie elf, front and center.

My magic is the ability to turn anything

Into a pair of shoes.

[All cheering]

- Oh, nice.

Do you have anything in a size--

Loser!

- These are completely out of style.

I could probably pull this look off

If I lived in a windmill.

Beep!

Zap!

- I feel empty inside.

- Welcome to the club.

Now sit down!

- Yes, today's lunch specials are...

Eye of newt, toe of frog,

And mexican pizza.

- [Babbling]

- No cutting in line!

Zap!

Boing!

- Next up in magical show-and-tell,

Sammy sweetsparkle!

- My power is that I can turn everything sweet,

Even this yucky sour lemon.

- Whatever.

I lost my taste buds

In a poorly conceived dark matter experiment.

Beep!

Zap!

- I've lost my sparkle.

But it might come back if you sing me a happy song.

- Here's a happy song I call shoo, fly!

Smack!

Still haven't learned to duck, huh?

- Oh, come on.

I'm still eating my mexican pizza.

Let's see.

I've got troll power, sprite power, gnome power,

And, of course, solar power.

Boy, that was a money saving move

I'll never regret.

Well, looks like the only one left is you, blue.

- Pain. Death. Sorrow. Misery.

Wha? Huh? Wha?

Oh, thank you, mr. Sacklunch.

You were obviously saving the best for last.

Live from mr. Sacklunch's spellementary classroom,

You know him, you love him,

You fear his dark, twisted mind.

Let's hear it for foop!

Boom!

[Evil laughter]

- Oh, this is gonna be good.

- And now to astound you with my amazing feats of evil.

[Door latch clicks]

- Mr. Sacklunch,

Apparently, your student poof is agitated about something.

- What student?

I didn't catch his name.

- Poof. Poof!

Slam!

- That's what you get for interrupting.

[Cackling]

Boy, that never gets old.

- Neither do i.

- No one cares, weirdo!

- [Babbling]

- So baby got back.

I mean, baby is back.

That was bad grammar, and I apologize.

Eee!

Zap!

- [Screams]

- No one upstages me, you purple twerp.

- Wow!

That's the most impressive display of magic

I've seen today.

Do it again.

This time hit the loser who made shoes.

- That seems unnecessarily cruel.

I like it!

Zap!

- Doh!

Beep!

Zap!

- Oh!

That's weird.

Suddenly, I feel lightheaded.

And since I'm mostly head, that's a pretty bad feeling.

[Groans]

I'd better poof myself down to the school nurse.

[Fart sound]

Oh, no!

I don't have any magic!

- That's right!

You don't have any magic because I took it.

And now I drink your milk shake!

Ha ha!

Oh, great, my magic smoothie's dripping down my bag face.

Well, I guess it's time I reveal my true identity.

Students, prepare to be shocked,

Because you've just been schooled

By world renowned fairy hunter

Denzel crocker!

- Yeah, we've never heard of you.

- Silence!

Really? No one?

- No. - Never.

- Not really.

- Are you the mall santa?

- What? No!

Now watch me become

The most powerful creature in the universe.

Glug! Glug! Glug!

[Screams]

Pop!

Behold!

I am a cornucopia of magic!

Whoa.

Against all odds,

I'm even less attractive than before.

No matter.

I can always put the bag back over my head.

So you want to rumble, huh?

Great.

I can test my amazing new powers on you.

Prepare for shock and awe!

Fart!

And apparently rainbows.

[Screams]

Okay, let's try another one of my awesome powers.

Take that.

And by that I mean,

Please accept this lovely pair of wooden shoes.

Gah!

Okay, third time's a charm.

Anti-fairy powers, activate!

Zap!

- [Whimpers]

- Now, that's more like it.

This is the end for you, you purple pain in the butt.

Any last words,

Or in your case, incoherent mumbling?

- [Babbling]

- Ha!

Eloquent to the end.

- I...

Want...

My...

Rattle!

- Whoa! It speaks.

[All gasp]

- Oh, get a grip.

He said four words.

- Big deal.

He has the power to open desk drawers.

Oh, dear, I think I just rainbowed my pants.

Zap!

[Screams]

Zap! Zap!

[Energy crackling]

Boom!

- Ah!

- Time to finish you off.

Boy, this would be a lot more dramatic

If the f dancers were here.

Zap!

Beep!

Zap!

Oh, what a world!

[Groans]

- Your plan to absorb all the magic from my friends

And foop has failed.

You get an f, mr. Crocker.

- We get it.

You've got the gift of gab.

Slumping to the floor now.

Gah!

- Weird.

Poof can talk now.

It's strange, but I'm gonna miss the way

He used to say "poof, poof."

Slam!

[Groans]

Zap!

All: yay, poof!

- Well, I'll be on my way.

Anyway, good show-and-tell.

I'll be giving you all "a"s.

- Not so fast, bag face.

- I'm gonna turn your smile upside-down, punk.

- It's not me you want.

It's mr. Wilcox sacklunch.

[All growling]

Gah!

Hyperventilating.

[Gasping]

Egg salad fumes not helping.

Mother.

Slam!

[All cheering]

- Great party, poof.

And once again, sorry I tried to annihilate you

Repeatedly, a lot,

In fact, every time I saw you.

And thank you for saving me.

- No problem, foop.

Do you think we could be friends now.

- Oh, absolutely not, no.

I'm hanging out with sammy now.

He's kind of a bad boy.

[Rock music plays]

- Oh, cosmo.

I can't believe our baby is through with pooferty

And is finally talking.

- I know.

I can't wait to have

Intelligent conversations with him.

Of course, I'd have to get intelligent first.

- I can't wait to hear him talk.

- [With cosmo's voice] hey, guys!

This is the best party ever.

[Both scream]

- Ah!

It's like fingernails on a chalkboard!

- Ow!

Honey, it's raining chalkboards again.

- Just kidding.

This is my real voice.

And now that I can talk,

I've got a bunch of things to say.

Mom, no more string beets.

Dad, stay away from the oven.

And timmy, buddy, I love ya.

But you got to lose the pink hat.

[All cheering]

All: poof can talk!

- Oh, sure, they make a big deal over a baby talking.

No one says a thing about a talking dog.

Come on, felicia, let's get out of here.

- Whoa!

- I really got to cut eyeholes in that costume.

- What's wrong with my pink hat?

- Dude.