03x04 - Exit Stage Theft

[bunniefuu]

- Hey, Max, did you finally
get your guitar strap fixed?

- Yep, fixed it myself.

Check it out.

Sock and roll!

- ♪

- [speaking foreign language]

- Dude, what if that happens
at the talent show?

Buy a new strap.

- I can't buy a new strap.

I'm broke.

But, hey, we'll rock
that talent show

as long as we stay focused.

Guys.

- Ssh, we're trying
to stay focused.

- Oh, no!

My laptop is gone.

I can't find it.

- Uh, maybe you should
retrace your steps.

- Good idea.

Uh, before I was here,

I walked into the boy's bathroom
by mistake.

Sorry, Gideon.

- It's perfectly normal
to go in there

and cry between classes.

- You're the Toilet Crier?

- [gasps] Oh.

I remember I put my computer
in my backpack

just before the assembly.

- Someone
probably stole it there.

I know a kid
who got his tablet stolen

at the pep rally last week.

- Bummer.

- Yeah, I know, that's awful.

- No, the kid's name
is Bummer Calloway.

Come on, guys,
let's go rehearse.

- What am I gonna do?

That computer
has all of my homework on it.

None of it's right,
but it's done.

- Cherry, I am so sorry.

The Hero League put me in charge
of protecting a hidden villain.

I can't even prevent my bestie
from getting ripped off.

I'm gonna capture this criminal
for you, I promise.

Oh, Max!

I need to talk to you.

- Phoebe, I know
what you're gonna say,

and, no, I did not steal
Cherry's laptop.

- I was just gonna ask
if you've heard anything.

I know you didn't steal it.

You're a jerk,
you're not heartless.

- What?
Take that back!

I am totally heartless!

- Would you like
to buy a candy bar

to help save the pandas?

- Oh, how could I say no
to that furry little face?

Hey! Phoebe!

Get back here to admit
I'm heartless!

- ♪ What you see
is not what you get ♪

♪ Living our lives
with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in,
bet you'd never guess ♪

♪ Because we're living our lives
just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture-perfect family
is what we try to be ♪

♪ But closer you might see
the crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make-believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family
trying to be normal ♪

♪ And stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Living a double life ♪

- And then Phoebe said
I couldn't be the bandit

because I'm not heartless.

- I see, I see.

- And that's why--oh!

What did you do that for?

- For making me
agree with Phoebe!

Those band guys
you hang out with are too nice!

And it's rubbing off on you!

- No, they're not.

And this evil chronicle
of my devious deeds

I'm keeping for Dark Mayhem
is proof.

- This is your evil chronicle.

That is
your stupid band scrapbook!

- [laughs]
Look, it's us with Santa.

Ow!

Stop throwing stuff at me.

- Stop scrapbooking!

You need to ditch those
squeaky clean friends of yours.

- Max Thunderman
doesn't have friends.

They're just my band,
nothing us.

- Then lose them
and find some shady characters

to help you fill that chronicle
up with bad stuff!

- Okay, fine, I will.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

I can help you do bad stuff.

- You know I can't
take you out in public.

- What?

You can in my evil stroller.

Push me-e-e-e-e!

- Alright, you guys,
you ready for a snack?

- We actually made our own.

- And now you're cleaning up?

I can't believe it.

- Believe it, baby.

- Hank, the kids
are doing stuff on their own.

- Don't jinx it.

Smile...and back away.

Barb, this family's
on autopilot.

- What are we gonna do
with all this free time?

- BOTH: [gasps]

"Real Super Wives
of Metroburgh"!

- [laughs] We're like
a hundred episodes behind.

We can binge watch them all.

- Why are you
still talking to me?

Turn on the TV!

- ♪

- Billy!

What are you doing in there?

- Playing hide and seek
with you guys.

- Oh, yeah.

Found you.

- It's been four hours!

- Sorry.

We looked for you for a while,

but then we started
playing outside and we forgot.

- Forgot about me?

- But on the bright side,
you can fit into cupboards.

- Yeah, Billy!

- You guys keep doing this.

This is just like the time

where we were supposed to play
Go Fish.

You two forgot me
and actually went fishing.

- You weren't complaining

when you had
a belly full of flounder.

- Well, you know what?

I can have fun without you, too.

I'm gonna go play
with my other friend.

- Oh. Who's that?

- Who's that?

Um...

Luigi.

Luigi...Marinara.

He's from Italy.

I'm going over to his house
right now for lunch.

We're gonna eat pepperoni
right off the tree.

- ♪

- Max!

I see you and your friends
signed up for the talent show.

- Oh no,
they're not my friends.

- They've really
cleaned up your act.

- My act is not clean.

- Good talk.

- Even Bradford thinks
I've turned into a nice guy.

I need to find some
shady delinquents...and fast.

- Cherry's computer.

Hello, shady delinquents.

- Who are you talking to?

- Ah!

Phoebe, quit creeping up on me
like a creepy creep.

- I'm on the prowl
for bandit suspects.

Oh, those girls look suspicious.

- Ah, forget about those girls.

You asked me if I heard
anything, and I did.

Rumor is Brian Jones
is your man.

- You mean Brushy Brows Jones?

- That's the one.

- I'll find out what he's
hiding under those hedgehogs.

- Hey, ladies.

I'm Max Thunderman.

I just wanted to say I'm a fan.

In fact,
I'm in the same line of work.

- And what work
are you talking about?

- Uh, just this.

- Whoa.
- Cool.

- Dessert!

- So you girls wanna hang out?

- Well, you definitely
have some skills.

- And you're boy pretty.

I like that.

- I don't
even go to this school.

- Come on, we'll let you
hang for a while.

- Max!

- Ah!

Why is everybody creeping?

- Dude, we got something
for you.

- Oh guys,
you can't be buying me stuff.

- Why not?

You're our friend.

- [in German accent]
Best-in friend-zins.

- Oh, no hugs.

And not best-in friend-zins.

We're just a band.

- [in German accent] Ouch.

- Just a band?

- What are you
talking about, man?

We're all friends.

And you started
the gift giving

when you made us
these scrapbooks.

- Give me those.

Max Thunderman
doesn't have friends.

And now he doesn't have a band.

I'm out.

- What about the talent show?

What just happened?

- [crying] I don't know.

But I'll be in the bathroom.

- Okay, Chloe,
got all your pads on.

- Let's roll!

- Whoa, look
who's hanging out again.

- We're just going
scooting down by the--

- Excuse me,
my friend is calling.

Hey, Luigi.

Qué pasta?

That's Italian
for "How's it going?"

Sure, I'll come over again.

Hasta lasagna.

- Oh, hey,
when do I get to meet Luigi?

- Whenever you want.

- MAX'S MIND: What am I saying?

- Great.

Bring him over tomorrow.

- Sure, what time?

- MAX'S MIND: Why can't I stop?

- How 'bout o'clock?

- He'll be here.

- MAX'S MIND:
What is wrong with me?

- WOMAN ON TV:
I'm keeping it real.

Oh, don't you fly away from me
when I'm talking to you.

- Oh, no, she didn't!

- Oh, yes, she did!

I didn't think it was possible
to watch episodes in day.

- It's not.

It's been two days.

Watching TV inside this long
isn't good for us.

- Oh, I totally agree.

We need fresh air.

Oh, no, she didn't!

- Oh, oh, yes, she did!

- So, Max, you ready
for your first big heist?

- I was born ready.

- I was born in the woods.

- Phoebe, I thought you were
gonna shave off his eyebrows

to see what he was hiding.

- I did.

Turns out
they grow back in a day.

Look, Cherry, I'm so sorry
I haven't found your laptop yet.

It's like whoever stole it
has a guardian angel.

But I'm not gonna quit, okay?

The bandit hit the assembly
and the pep rally.

So my guess is
he's gonna show up here tonight.

- Of course.

- Which is why we're gonna
go into the auditorium early

to be there to catch him.

Come on.

- Wonder which one's the dummy.

Whoa!

Performers only, Phoebe.

- Actually, Cherry and I
were hoping to enter

as a last-minute act.

- Annoying me is not a talent.

- Lucky for you,
we have many talents.

And we...are going over there
right now to pick one.

- What are we gonna do?

- I guess we have to
come up with an act.

The only other way
to get backstage

is through the ceiling vent,
and only a fool would try that.

- Ugh!

I'm a genius.

- All right, Max, you're about
to become one of us.

- Then you'll be the weird one.

- See that band up there?

We're gonna steal
that popcorn cart behind them.

[laughs]

- For a second
I thought you were gonna say

we're stealing
all their equipment.

[laughs]

- That's a much better idea.

- Good job, the weird one.

- Stealing their equipment
will be like taking a fancy car

from a helpless old man.

- How is your grandpa?

- Enjoying his bus pass.

- Hey!

Aren't those guys your friends?

- No.

I have no idea who they are.

- Guys, guys, stop!

Look, we're all upset
about losing Max.

- Uh, different Max.

- We have to move on
and forget about Max Thunderman.

- Different Max Thunderman.

- We can't steal anything
'til we figure out

how to get rid of that guy.

- Gideon has
a lot of weaknesses--

' s hip hop, girls,
food court samples.

- Hey, did you just say girls?

- Yeah.

- I got this.

Hey.

- Yes.

- ♪

- Ladies and gentlemen!

The gorgeous women of magic
or GWAM.

- That's definitely
not what we discussed.

Anyway, prepare to be amazed.

- Magic? Really?

- Principal Bradford, can I
interest you in a Cherry float?

- My brother was a magician.

He turned my girlfriend
into his wife.

So unless you can pull Valerie
out of that hat, go away.

- Principal Bradford, wait!

- Ugh!

Ow!

Ow!

The pain is not an illusion.

- I'm sorry, Cherry.

First I let your laptop
get stolen, and then I drop you.

Maybe I should quit being
a superhero and focus on GWAM?

- Gideon, you are
so sweet...and hilarious.

[giggles]

- What?

Gideon is neither
of those things.

Magic's out, Cherry.

Saving the world is back in.

- ♪

- So Luigi
will be here any minute.

- Oh, this is gonna be fun.

- Or a complete disaster.

I'm gonna go change
into my good socks.

- [knocking at door]

- [in Italian accent]
You must-a be Nora.

I'm Luigi.

Nice-a to meet you.

- ♪

- You know, you guys are
a terrible influence on me.

I'd like to say thank you.

- What is that?

- A new guitar strap.

Oh.

"To Max, you're low on cash,
but you're not low on friends."

- Pfh, nerd love.

- [giggles]

I'll take that.

The dog I stole
needs a new leash.

- Give me that back.

- I thought you said
they weren't your friends.

- Well, they are.

At least they were.

- Some girl was following me.

I lost her, but we should get
this stuff back to the hideout.

- You know what?

I don't think so.

If you wanna steal
from my friends,

you're gonna
have to go through me.

- Okie-dokie.

- Ugh!

You don't
even go to this school!

Where's Phoebe when I need her?

- Oh!

Max!

What are you doing here?

Where's that girl
I was following?

- Jay ran out
with the other two

and all the band's stuff
they stole.

- So they are the bandits.

Wait, why do you know them?

[gasps] Are you helping them?

[gasps] Are you one of them?

- No.

I don't know.

Kinda.

- Max, I can't believe
you did this.

And to your own friends.

- Well, I tried to stop them.

After I gave them the idea,
got them backstage,

distracted Gideon,
loaded all their equipment.

What have I done?

- You messed up, as usual.

Now just stay out of my way so
I can finally catch these girls.

- No, wait.

I'm going with you.

Right after I pop
this bad boy back in.

Oh.

Help me, just pop it, come on.

Ah!

- I'm never doing that again.

- [in Italian accent]
Isn't the Billy a great kid?

Who don't want to play with him?

- Sounds like you know him
pretty well.

- [in Italian accent] It's
almost like we're the same boy.

Excusé, I need to go bathroom.

- So, how do you guys
like Luigi?

- He sure does go
to the bathroom a lot.

- Well, as they say in Italy,
tiny bladder, huge heart.

I'll go check on him.

- Do you see
what's going on here?

- Billy is Luigi.

- I think we hurt his feelings

because we've been playing
together so much without him.

- A cookie will fix it.

- Oh, that's so sweet.

- No, for me.

- So, Luigi,
do you have a little sister?

- [in Italian accent]
No, I just got my friend Billy.

- I love my little sister Chloe.

And just because I like
to play with her

doesn't mean I don't like
playing with Billy, too.

He's my best friend.

I hope he knows that.

- [without accent] Really?

[in Italian accent]
That touches Luigi's huge heart.

I'm gonna go tell Billy
right now.

Excusé.

- What's this for?

- For being a good sister.

- Cookie, Billy?

I found it like that.

- Thanks.

Now who wants to go
play laser tag?

- BOTH: Me!

- MAN ON TV: Coming up next,

the final episode
that changes everything.

- Barb, we earned this.

- [laser buzzing]

- [snap]

- BILLY: You hit mom and dad!

Run!

- Thinking we should
check on the kids.

- Don't quit on me now, Barb.

- ♪

- What?

I don't get it.

The tracks led here.

I'm sure of it.

- Look for anything unusual.

In an evil lair,
nothing is as it seems.

- Ha.

What do you think
this dead possum really is?

- [sniffs] Dead possum.

- Ah!

- Check this out.

This looks like an old computer.

But I bet if I just push--

- PHOEBE: You did it!

Cherry's laptop.

Uh, and look at all this stuff.

- You mean,
look at all our stuff.

- We're taking you bandits down.

- But, first,
we're taking you up.

- [whispers] Max,
we can't use our powers

and risk being exposed.

We have to fight fair.

But they probably won't.

- Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, ah!

- ♪

- You're mine, pretty boy.

- Eraser clap!

- ♪

- Okay, this is officially

the weirdest fight
I've ever been in.

- Ha!

- Ow!

- [grunting]

- ♪

- So...these are
your new friends, huh?

- No.

I don't know.

Kind of.

- ♪

- Dude, sweet-aches!

Our stuff!

We thought it was stolen.

- It was.

But Max and I got it back.

- I had to do something

to make up for bailing
on you guys.

Look, I'm sorry.

You guys are my friends,
and I threw it away.

I don't deserve you
or this strap.

- Well...Wolfgang
did stay up all night

sewing your name on it.

- Ugh, Wolfgang.

- Don't be modest, Wolfgang,
your stitching is flawless.

But since we can't return it,
you might as well keep it.

- Why are we playing
these games?

[crying] We want you back
in the band, Max!

- Thanks, guys.

Best-in friend-zins.

- Max is back!

- And I believe
this belongs to you.

- [gasps] Oh my gosh,
you did it!

I have my own private superhero.

Did you by any chance
find my shark on a stick?

- ♪

- Wait, do we go up after them?

- Yep.

And they're good.

- Hate to admit it,
but if we want to b*at them,

we're gonna need some flair.

- I think Cherry and I
can help you with that.

Have you boys ever
heard of GWAM?

- ♪

- ♪