03x22 - March 15, 1992

[bunniefuu]

♪♪ [Big Band]

Do you enjoy the fabulous resort cities?

Atlantic City, Las Vegas,
Reno, Lake Tahoe?

Do you have as much
free time as I do?

Then what are you waiting on?
Get yourself a Player's Club.

You'll receive up to % off
on shows, rooms and meals.

With the Player's Club,
you'll get VI P treatment, baby.

I'll have a suite
with a heart-shaped bed.

I'm sorry, we...
[Grunts]

- [Rings]
- Bellboy.

And with the Club,
there's no problem gettin' good seats.

- Tony, can you fit me in?
- No, man, I'm...

Bingo.
Front row.

Use the Player's Club
in casinos, banks...

or anywhere else you want
to throw your weight around.

The Player's Club...
It's a moocher's dream.

- [Ringing]
- I won, I won, I won!

- I won!
- Well, let me help you count it.

Who clubs ya, baby?

Twenty, , ,

and one for you. Twenty.

- How you livin'?
- What?

- How you livin'?
- What?

- How you livin'?
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You for me and me for you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪
- ♪ All right ♪

♪ Here comes another one of those
funky, funny mo'money shows ♪

♪ A cast for laughs
and talented roles ♪

♪ And sisters with twisters
for you been lookin', listener♪

♪ It seems you don't believe
so you can believe what I convince ya ♪

♪ Some booty to your short and thought
We'll make it snappy ♪

♪ With jokes and pokes
at folks to keep you happy ♪

♪ No need to hold
your remote control ♪

♪ Chill
This show's got soul ♪

♪ All aboard, all aboard
The train never troubles ♪

♪ You'd better snuggle up
couple up ♪

- ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ It's hard to believe
but some of the best things in life are free ♪

♪ So, fellas, grab your girl
Tell her that you love her♪

♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin'
when you're livin'in living color♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go ♪♪

Well, Mr. Prime Minister, I'd like to
apologize again for getting sick in Japan.

One minute, I felt great.
The next minute, I was spewin' sashimi.

Don't worry. Japanese food
take time getting used to.

I only hope I do as well
with American food.

- I hope so too.
- Hey, there, sugar dumplings.

How y'all doing?
How can Mama help you?

Well, I know that we'd all
like something filling.

Chili, pick it up.

Well, that depends on
how hungry you are.

Oh, I'm so hungry,
I could eat a horse.

Oh, that's Combination
Plate Number Five.

Mr. Ed. Pick it up.

I can bust a pimple with my butt cheeks.
[Chuckles]

- I think we'd like to try some, uh, soul food.
- [Woman] Oh, yes.

- Sound good?
- Uh-huh.

All right. Prime Minister, would you
like to take a sh*t at the order?

Uh, do you have
black-eyed pea?

Oh, not since I stopped
drinking that cranberry juice.

It cleared up
right after that.

Hey, you look familiar.
Is you famous?

Well, I suppose
you could say that.

Oh, I knew it.
I see your face all over the place.

- Really?
- Yeah, on that oatmeal box. You're Quaker Oats.

Hey, Francis. We got ourselves
a celebrity in the house.

Oh. Lord have mercy. Ain't that nice?
Last time we had somebody famous...

was when that little Gary Coleman
ran off without paying his check.

Ask her if she know Uncle Ben.

I seen Oprah's booty.

Who said he wanted okra?
Pick it up.

Actually, I am Barbara Bush and this is
my husband, President George Bush.

- Hi, everyone.
- Oh. Hey, President.

Well, what brings you down here?

Well, I just think
it's a good idea to get in touch...

with all the little points of light.

You can't serve the country unless
you know what the country wants.

I'll tell you
what the country wants.

Stop messin' with the blacks
and give us a break on tax.

Stop hoggin' up all the wealth
and give us a cut on health.

Stop flyin' all around
and keep your ass in town.

You don't like that,
you can kiss my butt.

That's my advice.
Now pick it up.

I hate to say, but I told you so.
[Chuckling]

Enough talk. Let's just
do the ordering, okay?

All right, Mama. Tell you what,
everything looks just fabulous.

Uh, why don't you
surprise us?

Okay, dumpling.
We got three surprises, coming up.

- Uh, three surprises.
- Uh, three surprises. Uh, pick it up.

Pick it up. Pick it up.

Okay, now why don't you move on out of
my way or Mama's gonna have to spank you.

- What you...
- It's okay. It's okay.

Cease fire.
Cease fire.

- Don't make Mama have to hurt you.
- Cease fire.

I take back what I said.
Americans not lazy at all.

He work very hard.

Hate to say I told you so.
[Chuckles]

- Here you go, babies.
- Oh, my goodness. Now what's this?

That's gumbo.
Got a little bit of everything in it.

Lovely.
Do you serve crackers?

Oh, baby, we serve anybody here.
That's right.

No, I mean, do you serve
salted crackers?

Oh, yes I do.
Here you go.

There you go, baby.

- Would you like some sardines with that?
- Oh, no. No.

That's fine.
This will be perfect.

Oh. Shall we, uh...
Shall we give it a try?

- You know, this isn't bad.
- It tastes like miso soup.

Mine's delicious.

I'm, uh...
Hmm, that's strange.

Kind of a grainy consistency.

Seems to be something
floating around...

Oh, my goodness. I think
I just swallowed something foul.

- Mama.
- Yeah, baby?

I think there's
something in the soup.

Oh, let me see.

Oh, Francis, I found
your breast implant.

Look at that.
I thought that was gone for sure.

Oh, God. I feel awful.

Waffle. Pick it up.

I think I'm gonna...
regurgitate.

Burger plate.
Pick it up.

Read my lips.

- [Vomiting]
- Oh, George, not again.

Bag of chips.
Pick it up.

- [Vomiting]
- I haven't seen George this sick
since our honeymoon.

He look like Mt. Pinatubo.

Don't think just cause
you didn't digest it...

that you ain't
got to pay for it.

What is... Luther!
Luther, get a bucket!

This thing is runnin'
all over the place.

I ain't gonna wipe
no vomit off his face.

Buckwheat was a genius.

Hello, everyone.
May I have your attention please?

I would like to
thank you for coming...

and welcome you to my exhibit
entitled September Feelings.

The first painting I would like
to draw your attention to...

is one I am very proud of.

And I call it
Sun on my Shoulders.

[Whistle Blowing]

Look away, people!
It's not too late!

It's just a bad dream, kids,
and I am your wake-up call.

Shield your eyes
from this vulgarity.

It's time to act up.

How did you get in here,
you crazy person? Security!

You just don't understand.

What's the matter with you?
It's only a painting.

Only a painting? Smoke screen,
smoke screen, so the truth cannot be seen!

Let's look at it from a little
different perspective, shall we?

Give it a little twist,
and bingo, it's a big old tush.

This is not Sun on my Shoulder.
It's moon in your face.

If you don't mind,
we'd just like to see the exhibit.

Well.

Isn't that makeup
on your face very interesting?

Was it tested on little animals,
little defenseless ones in cages?

This mean anything to you?
"Ow, ow, ow!" Huh?

Maybe somewhere there's a hamster,
you know, with purple eye shadow...

suffering and choking
and falling off his wheel...

so you can look like
Cleopatra, vivisectionist.

I swear,

I am going to
wake these people up today...

or my name
isn't Kirt Sinjin.

This is intriguing.

I believe the word
is "evil," people.

Evil!

This will come in real handy
when they redecorate hell.

Can't you just feel the darkness,
the dark forces working within it?

It's enough to make
a nun go bald.

This piece represents
man's eternal quest...

to destroy the Alaskan king crab
in its natural habitat.

Either that or it's just
a big ugly eye and I hate it.

What are you doing
to my painting?

I'm giving it a sty.

Stop it, you idiot!
Stop it!

It took me four hours to create a great
piece of art and you've ruined it.

I've seen better art
in the bathroom at Sizzler, honey.

Cultural moron!

I swear, I could just park my nails
in your face right now.

Go ahead and try it.
I dare you.

And what is this
supposed to be?

- That's a light fixture.
- Shut up.

We're sending out
the wrong signals, people.

What is this sculpture
saying to the children?

Is this what they
have to measure up to?

"Hey, kids. You're nobody unless
you're part of the hip-torso crowd."

Next thing you know,
they're lopping off their appendages.

Listen to me.

This cannot happen, people.

We are setting an impossible
standard here.

Help me, please.
Someone reach out.

Danger, danger!
Dr. Smith, Dr. Smith!

I'm telling you for the last time.
Will you remove yourself...

from my beautiful sculpture
and from this gallery?

I'm not moving
until this piece of dreck is destroyed.

Or at least till
its doodle is covered.

Stop it!

That is a beautiful piece of art.

I don't care what
you think of me, handsome.

I have a quest.

Vanish!

- What is this little display?
- It's my lunch.

Well, nice use of color
and composition.

What's inside?
[Gasps]

It's beef.

Somebody catch me.

Thanks a lot.

What am I, nuclear waste?
Doesn't anybody care?

You people are really something.

Well, I'm sorry
to disappoint you.

But I am just
not going to go away.

I am real, I am significant
and I am going to make a difference.

Excuse me, does anybody belong
to that moped out there?

Yes. Gets me from "A" to "B."

So what?

So somebody backed over it.
Sorry.

Well, why don't we just
frame it and stick it on the wall?

It'll be proof
that I once existed.

They're trying
to silence us, people.

It's time to act up.

[Blowing Whistle]

Will you just get rid of him?
I don't care how.

Excessive force!
Excessive force!

You're all witnesses!
This is balderdash!

It wasn't funny!

All right, children.
Take your seats. Come on.

Your teacher, Mrs. Walker, won't be here
today, but we have a treat for you.

- Yeah!
- [Shouting] What is it?

A very special
substitute teacher.

So I want you all to be
at your best behavior.

- Okay.
- Okay.
- Okay.

[All Yelling, Shouting]

[No Audible Dialogue]

Sit down.

All right, childrens.
My name is Homey D. Clown.

[All]
Yeah!

Here, Mr. Clown.
It's an apple for you.

Oh, isn't that sweet? Look, childrens.
An apple for the teacher.

[Girl]
Oh, that's nice.

In other words, you tryin' to win my affection
and become the teacher's pet, ain't you?

- Uh-huh.
- "Uh-huh."

Okay, so what do y'all want
to do first, little children?

I know! I know what
we can do, Mr. Homey!

- We could, uh, finger paint!
- Yeah.

- Oh, y'all want to finger paint, huh? Come on.
- Yeah!

- Let me show you how the Man
finger paints. Come here.
- Okay.

- Oh.
- There you go.

That's not very pretty.

Damn right, it ain't.

And by the looks of your face,
neither is your mama. Now sit down!

Oh, oh. Mr. Homey.
M-Mr. Homey. Mr. Homey.

I wanna be a fireman
when I grow up.

Oh, man-man-man,
that ain't nothing.

I wanna be a pilot
when I grow up.

No, I'm gonna work
for the government.

- You mean, like making laws?
- Yeah.

- And handing out government cheese?
- Yeah.

- And signing bills and raising Homey's taxes?
- Yeah, yeah.

So once again Homey has to give up
all the things he loves in life?

Yeah.

I don't think so.

Just getting my licks in now
before you sell out.

All right, enough of
all the fun, childrens.

'Cause I'm about to
explode with joy.

It's time for the reading lesson.
Let's start with the letter "A."

[Girl]
Oh, "A."

"A" is for arrested. Can anyone make
a sentence with the word "arrested"?

- Oh, oh, oh. I can.
- Ah, ah, ah.

Go ahead.

Since you have
so much "A" attitude,

I think that Homey
has been arrested before.

That's very good.
That takes us to the letter "B."

"B" because you got
such a smart mouth,

I'm gonna bap you
upside your damn head.

That takes us
to the letter "C."

"C" is for conspiracy.

Can anybody tell me
what "conspiracy" is?

Yeah, I can tell you. My dad says "conspiracy"
is just a word that black people use...

as an excuse for why they always
get in so much trouble.

Thank you,
brothers and sisters.

See, that takes us
to the letter "D."

And "D" is for
your dumb-ass daddy.

This is for you.
And that's for your dumb-ass daddy.

I'll tell him when I get home.

Mr. Homey. Mr-Mr. Homey.

- Mrs. Walker don't teach us
the alphabet that way.
- She sure don't.

- That's because Mrs. Walker is "D" dead.
- [Girl] She is?

Can anybody make
a sentence with "dead"?

- No.!
- [Sobbing]

Okay, little childrens.
Let's play another game.

- Big kid, big kid, stand up and be my volunteer.
- Sure, Homey!

Now, Homey has five dollars.

- [Woman] Wow.!
- If Billy took two, what would he have?

Uh...

three dollars, Homey!

No. A size- clown shoe on your ass.

Give me my money back.
Now sit down.

Okay, it's time for
Homey's sing-along.

- Repeat after me, will you?
- Yeah.
- Yes.

- ♪ Homey's tired ♪
- ♪ Homey's tired ♪

- ♪ Of the man ♪
- ♪ Of the man ♪

- ♪ Always pulls him over ♪
- ♪ Always pulls him over ♪

♪ Should run his white ass over
'Cause if I did, I'd go back on probation ♪

♪ And then they'd put me away
for some more time ♪

♪ Take me away and lock me up ♪

♪ And then do everything I don't want to do
and I can stay in the cell with Bubba ♪

Come on, back me up, y'all.

♪♪ [All Singing, Indistinct]

♪ And they'll pull him
And then they'll rush over to the car ♪

♪ They'll put you in jail and then you
have to be with a man named Bubba ♪♪

This ain't Star Search.

So, little childrens,
what have we learned, if nothing else?

[All]
That Homey don't play that!

Very good. Now let's play hooky
and get the hell out of here.

Yo. Straight off the debut album
A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing,

here to perform
"The Choice is Yours"...

Please welcome Flavor Unit's
latest addition, Black Sheep.

♪♪ [Hip-hop]

Yo, is In Living Color
in the house?

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