03x10 - The New Habit

[bunniefuu]

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[BARKING]

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NARRATOR: This is the Convent San Tanco.

Not exactly a setting for a mystery.

But our Reverend Mother had been away

on a very mysterious mission

and returned with a very curious box.

Well, it wasn't really the box that was curious. It was us.

I think I am going to need some assistance here.

Will we like it, Reverend Mother?

That depends.

We'll hate it?

It's not lumpy enough to be a sight of beef.

That's a side.

No, a sight.

Something we haven't seen in a long time.

NARRATOR: The mystery was solved.

And to borrow a phrase from the vocabulary of Sister Bertrille,

we were all about to kick the old habit.

Maybe we wouldn't exactly have made semi-finalists

in the Miss America contest.

But then our world is even larger than Miss Universe.

Do you like them?

Mother General does want us to like them.

[SISTERS CHATTERING EXCITEDLY]

A habit should be comfortable, presentable,

and show us to the secular world with restraint and dignity.

They're really super. No, Sister Bertrille,

I-I do not think that's exactly what I mean.

But you look lovely, Reverend Mother.

[CHUCKLES] Well... That habit looks like

it was made for you, Reverend Mother.

[CHUCKLES] Ahem.

Uh, well, um, it's getting late, and there is work to do.

And I think that if we wish to admire our new habits further

that we should do it on our time, not his.

NARRATOR: When we left the Reverend Mother's office,

we'd all had a lift and our spirits were up.

But it wasn't long before they all came down.

Right on top of, guess who?

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[CAT MEOWS]

Oh, poor little kitty.

You just wait there kitty.

I'm not your mother, but I'm the next best thing

and you better believe it. Oh!

Hang on, kitty, if you want to get out of this in one piece.

I hope I can say the same for my new habit. Hang on.

Stay right there. Oh, I got you.

See, that wasn't so bad. No.

Whoa!

Sister Bertrille!

Oh. What--?

That was a terrific landing, wasn't it?

At least my passenger is okay.

Well, but when you felt the branch giving way,

why didn't you simply fly?

Well, it wasn't as simple as that.

What do you mean? The only altitude

I seem to get was down.

Must have been the extra weight.

Ten ounces of pussycat?

Do you think I've lost my touch?

Oh, I certainly hope not.

Well, I tell ya, you know, when something goes wrong

with an airplane, they check it out, right?

Well... that's what I'll do.

Look, critty, here, kitty.

Easy.

Contact.

Oh, good heavens.

[GROANS]

Oh, my new habit...

[GASPS]

BOTH: The new habit!

It's narrower than the old one.

More streamlined.

Wouldn't displace as much air. It may not have enough lift.

Ah, I can't believe it. It's so cute.

Oh...

Oh, come on.

[GROANS]

[♪♪♪]

It doesn't go together.

When the Wright brothers were trying to be airborne,

I don't think they worried

about the wings clashing with the fuselage. Come on.

Maybe we should try this tomorrow after breakfast?

Tonight after dinner?

After lunch?

Now?

Now.

[♪♪♪]

Well, I guess without this old cornet,

I'll have to forget all about the wide blue yonder.

Not true.

We'll just get all the sisters together,

and we'll go to the Reverend Mother--

What for? It wouldn't do any good.

The new habits were an edict from the Mother General,

and that means this is it, kids.

But what if the Reverend Mother talked to her?

Well, she might give you a special dispensation.

Oh, I don't want to be treated any differently

from everyone else.

When the rest of the sisters find out...

I don't want them to find out.

No. It would only make them unhappy.

And... They have a feeling of pride now

thinking they have the only convent in the world

with a one sister air force.

I think you're being very noble

and very silly.

And you are going to end up miserable.

Well, maybe so, but you have to promise me you won't tell them.

Oh--

[SIGHS]

All right, I promise. Good.

But I'm playing the game under protest.

Well...

flying is now a thing of my past.

And believe me...

it won't bother me a bit.

[♪♪♪]

Sister Bertrille, are you feeling all right?

Yes, of course.

This filing that you have just done,

you have placed this week's laundry list

under the heading, local cleanup campaign.

Oh, well, I guess it's better than dirty work afoot.

And here, under sacred writings,

do you know that you have filed a chocolate pie recipe.

Oh, sure.

That's because it's a very old recipe

that's been in the convent for years

and old is respected, and respected is revered,

and revered is like sacred.

[SIGHS]

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[ENGINE PUTTERING]

Ugh, we're out of gas.

Oh, no.

Do you know that I don't think

I've seen a gas station for several miles?Oh...

Why doesn't Sister Bertrille fly back there

and find one and bring us back a gallon.

Oh, yes, would you sister?

Oh, please.

Well... Sister Bertrille?

Well, maybe the wind isn't windy enough.

Oh, yes...

That's certainly never bothered you before, has it?

Well, wait here. I'll be back in a few minutes.

All right, thank you, Sister Bertrille.

Here. Here...

Well, I think there's higher ground

up there behind those trees, more wind.

Uh, yeah...

[♪♪♪]

I haven't seen Sister Bertrille take off.

I hope she's all right.

Sister Bertrille, would you care to explain yourself?

I wouldn't, but I will.

Sister Bertrille,

I do not understand why you tried to keep it a secret.

Well, I thought maybe the other sisters would be unhappy,

and they'd want to do something to help me.

There is nothing that anyone can do, to help.

Yes, I realize that, and I've accepted it.

I'll never fly again.

[♪♪♪]

Unfortunate, but realistic.

Yeah...

Well, I've got a lot of work to do.

I've got to fly.

I mean, I better get going.

Sister Bertrille.

It is true that from now on things will be different.

You may dress in your old habit...

and take one last flight.

Thank you, Reverend Mother.

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NARRATOR: In any small tightly knit group

a decision involving one person affects everyone,

and the Sisters of San Tanco were no exception.

When Sister Bertrille got grounded,

it brought everyone down.

BERTRILLE: A fine bunch of nuns we are.

Nuns are supposed to spread optimism and hope.

We do look a little like we're pushing cemetery plots.

For goodness sakes, this is silly.

We have a used clothes drive to worry about...

and I'm going to start right now by going upstairs

and packing up my old habit and cornet.

[SISTERS GROAN]

Oh, what's all the megillah about flying?

If I were an eagle, then I'd have something to worry about.

I remember the first time

I ever saw Sister Bertrille in the sky.

The first time I saw Sister Bertrille

I couldn't believe it.

She was making the bank.

No, no, no, you mean she was banking.

That's when she tips her wing and comes in for a landing.

But she was making a landing on one foot shook,

so she could make the bank before closed.

Now there's nothing to cry about.

[ALL CRYING]

REVEREND MOTHER: Sisters.

I appreciate your sentiments,

and I feel as unhappy as you do.

But I am afraid that, uh...

as Sister Bertrille would so uniquely say,

we must cool it.

As a matter of fact, I have just received a letter

from the Mother General, and she is arriving on Tuesday

for her inspection tour.

Which means that, uh...

not only will she be examining our new habits,

but she will also be looking in on our used clothing drive.

Now sisters, I know that you don't feel it,

but when you speak with the people in town,

please...attempt a smile.

[♪♪♪]

Just think of the fringe benefits.

My private plane, my yacht,

my swimming pool bathed in moonlight.

My stare and whisper serenade to your loveliness.

You do offer pleasant working conditions.

Yeah, I know.

[KNOCKING] Who is it?

Sister Bertrille.

Oh, sit there. There...

Come in.

What do you have on?

New habit.

Sister Bertrille,

this is a business associate of mine.

Dolores.

Nice to meet you, sir.

Well, we were having a rather important business conference.

Oh, well, maybe I'd better leave then.

The last thing I want to do is interrupt you.

Since when? It's one of your favorite hobbies.

Okay, what do you want this time?

Used clothes for the used clothes drive.

You can take everything on the left side of the closet.

Thank you.

[♪♪♪]

Nice to meet you, sir.

Sister Bertrille... what's the matter?

Didn't I give you enough clothes?

Oh, no, this is fine, thank you.

Don't you like the style? Oh, they're fine.

Would you like something more conservative? Mm-mm.

Did I say something?

You said take all the clothes

on the left hand side of the closet.

I did...

Excuse me. Sister Bertrille.

I did something. What did I do? Nothing.

Was it that silly joke about you interrupting me all the time?

No, that was true.

Then what's wrong?

Well...

We all have to wear these new habits

because the Mother General issued an edict.

But I like it.

That's no reason to be upset, it is charming.

That's what I mean.

Sister Bertrille, what do you mean?

The Mother General is coming tomorrow

to see how we like them.

Don't you like them?

We love them. That's the problem.

Sister Bertrille, what are you talking about?

If you love them, that's no problem.

Well...

with the cornet built like this, I can't fly in it.

[♪♪♪]

[TEARFULLY] I'll never be able to fly again.

Hi, Sister Bertrille.

Sister looks cute, nice little outfit.

She'll never fly again.

She'll never again drop in on me out of the blue.

No more interruptions from the little sister.

Is that true?

That is wonderful.

Is it?

But she has been the bane of your existence.

The fly in your ointment.

Why do you sound so unhappy?

Because I am unhappy.

Those interruptions were the spice of my life.

I don't want that girl grounded.

I beg your pardon?

Never mind.

I know that Mother General. She's tough.

When she issues an edict, it is an edict.

Isn't that the way it usually works?

Carlos, my pet.

Oh, yes, yes.

Yeah, where was I?

Just about here. We were talking about money.

Yeah, money.

You have no way to change some women's minds.

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

If you ask me, she was beginning to come around.

She likes that sweet talk.

I don't know. She's very determined.

Well, that's true.

But maybe a man like you could make her reconsider.

That's exactly what I would like to do but I don't know how.

It's all in the way you handle it.

You were on the right track.

And I might just give in a little.

After all, I do sew all my own costumes

and that saves me money.

You make your own costumes?

I make all my own things, but don't take advantage.

Darling, here. Didn't I tell you?

I'll give you $.

And I have a costume in mind

that is going to have the audience electrified.

Do you think you can make a costume in hours?

That's short notice but I-- Terrific.

You open on Saturday,

but we have a dress rehearsal tomorrow.

Yes, I must say you all look lovely.

At the risk of sounding boastful,

I think the choice of colors and material are excellent.

Well, don't you agree?

Oh, there's no argument with that whatsoever,

Mother General.

Oh, they're very becoming. I've always liked...

Well, of course. Any comments are most welcome.

Any way we can improve them.

[♪♪♪]

Honestly, Mother General, I love it.

Only...

Only what?

I'm not quite used to this short skirt,

and I think it's given me a bad cold.

Nonsense, one doesn't catch cold unless one's rundown.

You probably don't eat enough leafy vegetables.

I love the new habit too, Mother General.

Except...

Except what?

Oh, the new cloche doesn't stick out in front

and my nose gets sunburn.

Don't be afraid of the sun's rays, child,

it's pure vitamin D.

[KNOCKING]

Yes, come in.

Oh, Señor Ramirez. Hello.

For the used clothing drive.

Sister Bertrille missed a few things.

Mother General, I would like you to meet Señor Ramirez,

a very good friend of the convent.

How do you do?

Very nice meeting you.

Señor Ramirez, your continued generosity is overwhelming.

Oh, this is nothing. I brought much more.

Would you please bring the rest of the things?

[♪♪♪]

Oh!

Good heavens. That dress!

There is a similarity, isn't there?

What an amazing coincidence.

Do you like it?

Yes... No, I...

[SIGHS] Yes, for a dress.

I think it's adorable. Don't you, Sister Bertrille?

I'm not voting.

CARLOS: Didn't you say it was the latest thing?

Oh, I said it would be. It's a Dolores original,

and you know how those things catch on.

She's right. In a month,

every shop girl in the world

will be wearing a . copy.

Well, I just dropped in to deliver these things.

I hope I didn't disturb you, hmm?

[♪♪♪]

Now, getting back to that dress...

Uh, habit. Where were we?

You were asking for helpful criticisms.

Oh, yes. Well, as a matter of fact I have one.

You know, each order

is supposed to have its own distinctive uniforms.

Well, now I'm not certain that ours will be very distinctive.

Oh, and at . apiece, Mother General,

I'm sure you're right.

Yes, but I think we should be fair about this,

and I think we should take a vote

to see that everyone agrees.

Everyone agreeing with a disagreement, say ay.

Ay. Ay.

I-I thought it was an edict?

On the contrary, it was just a suggestion.

Tomorrow morning, back to the old habits.

That is an edict.

Oh dear, I have a terrible headache.

I must lie down. Oh...

Sister Bertrille...

I had nothing to do with it.

It was all Carlos's idea.

I-I swear.

Somebody get me a bible.

Is there a bible in the house?

You mean that you had nothing to do with that?

Señor Ramirez thought of it all by himself?

That is very strange.

It has all the symptoms of something you would think of.

Maybe I'm catching?

[♪♪♪]

Sister Bertrille...

It has come to my attention

that you are going to town on church business.

Are you sure that it is business

and not just Sister Bertrille business?

Oh, no, Reverend Mother, it's "business" business.

Besides that, we can use the bread.

Bread? She means the kind you count

to buy the kind you eat.

What are you doing with the new habits?

Oh, well, it was bad enough the sisters had to give them up,

but when I thought of all the money we were losing...

So I came up with a terrific idea.

You have me worried already, but proceed.

Well, I talked to Maria Cortinez,

you know she owns the dress shop in town.

And she's willing to buy the whole stock of our new habits.

REVEREND MOTHER: Sister Bertrille,

you know we can't possibly sell our habits to the public.

I know. But you see, when the women in town

got a look at Dolores's dress, well, they flipped.

You know, they really dug it.

So I figured a couple of snips here and a few tucks there,

and all of these dresses will look exactly like Dolores's.

So it's okay?

Very well.

So, uh...

we'll be right back,

unless this sale at the Yard Good Store is still on.

I was thinking,

don't you think a navy blue belt

with our old habit would look nice?

[CLEARS THROAT] Brown belt?

Chartreuse?

No belt at all.

Well, maybe we'll just do some window shopping.

[SIGHS]

I am certain that deep down, she's really on our side.

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