01x15 - They're All Named Reggie/The Same Ol' Same

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Middlemost Post". Aired: July 9, 2021 – present.*
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Parker J. Cloud, a former raincloud, their friend Angus, and pet walrus Russell deliver mail all across Mount Middlemost.
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01x15 - They're All Named Reggie/The Same Ol' Same

Post by bunniefuu »

- * Once there was a captain *

* He was a serious dude *

* Well he crashed into a mountain *

* Man it lightened the mood *

* Speaking of lightening the mood *

* Speaking of thunderous joy *

* In comes Parker J, a raincloud *

* Looking for new employ *

* The beardful captain said, "Hey!" *

* The cheerful raincloud said, "Hi!" *

* They started working together *

* What a magical sight *

* The Middlemost Post, ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh *

* The Middlemost Post *

* Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh *

[whimsical music]

* *

[intense music]

[canon f*ring]

- Delivery, o'clock!

- Roger that!

[shatters]

- On the roof! o'clock!

[canon f*ring]

- Yay, bills.

* *

- Three more at noon-thirty!

- Got-- wait, wha--

Parker, there's no noon-thirty!

- No time to argue, Angus!

Launch it!

- [screams] [canon f*ring]

* *

That's the last of them. Commence extraction!

- Extraction commencing.

* *

all: Thank you for the mail.

Come back any time.

- Nice job, you two!

That's the fastest we've been in and out

of Purpleton this month!

Whew!

That place does not get any less creepy.

- Not to toot our own horns--

[trumpet notes play]

But we did it without one hiccup too!

- [ hiccups]

- [babbles]

- Aww!

- [shouts]

Russell, get that thing off you!

- Angus, it's okay. It's only a baby.

- [walrus noises]

- [shivers]

Don't look it in the eyes, Russell.

- [babbling]

- Parker, don't feed it!

- But she looks hungry and sad.

And scared!

- [burps]

- Her parents must be worried sick!

Oh, we gotta bring her back.

- Back to Purpleton?

[shivers]

- We can't leave a baby here all by itself.

- Ehh?

[ominous music] [vultures call]

Ehh?

[snarling]

Ehh?

* *

[chilling music]

[sighs] Okay.

- Wahoo!

[upbeat music]

- Remember, this is a quick in-and-out mission.

The longer we stay here, the weirder things will get.

- How come you think this place is so weird, Angus?

- Well, for starters, every single person

in Purpleton is named Reggie.

That is weird.

- Hi, I'm Reggie. - [yells]

- I know.

- I mean, Reggie is a great name, though.

Right, Baby Reggie?

- [giggles]

- Nonetheless, we keep our heads on a swivel

and proceed with caution.

In order to get out of here safe,

we need to follow three simple rules.

Rule one: never accept help from a Purpletonian.

- Hi, I'm Reggie. - It's always a trap.

Rule two: never, ever touch their crystals.

That's how they control your mind.

And rule three: always-- and I mean always--

stick together. - Hi, Angus!

- [screams] Parker!

Russell! Hold on!

- Okay!

Did he say "hold on" or "go on?"

- [walrus noises]

- Yeah, I thought he said "go on," too.

Guess Purpleton was just too weird for him.

- [stammering]

[panting]

Hm? [sheep bleat]

Ahh! Yikes!

Parker! Russell!

[yells]

Parker! Russell!

[gasps] all: Hi, I'm Reggie.

- I know.

Just hold on, guys! Everything will be okay.

I have it all under control!

Here I come! I'm almost--

Ah, Christmas!

- Need a helping hand?

[smack] - Nice try.

Rule one: never accept help from a Purpletonian.

It's always a trap.

[funky music]

* *

- Need some help?

- Do we!

We're trying to reunite this cute Baby Reggie

with her parents. - [hiccups]

- I know Reggie's parents.

- Really? - Sure.

That's Reggie and Reggie's kid.

- Wow, what luck!

- If you follow me, I'll take you to them.

- Even better luck! Lead the way, Reggie.

- Okay if we stop for food on the way?

- You read my mind, Reggie.

I'm starving.

[funky music]

* *

[giggles]

- I'm Reggie.

- Parker! Russell!

- Hi, I'm Reggie.

Would you like to touch my crystal staff?

- [screams]

Rule two: Never touch c-c-c-crystals.

Mind control.

- These crystal fries...

are delicious!

Listen to that crunch.

[loud shattering]

Mmm!

- Here, eat more crystals.

- Don't mind if I do.

[crystals shattering]

- [babbling] - [coos]

- Crystal shake?

- Parker! Russell!

- Hi, I'm Reggie.

What's your name? - No.

- Can I look inside your mouth?

- What? No. - Want some crystals?

I got a whole bunch.

- No. My brain, my body.

La la la la la la la la.

- Wanna smell the inside of my helmet?

- [shivers] - You look troubled.

Can I help? - [screams]

I can't hear you!

Oof! [screams]

[screaming]

- [hiccups]

- Hiyah!

[yelling]

Thanks for getting me these sweet crystals, Reggie.

How'd you know I wanted them so bad?

- I don't know.

I guess I read your mind.

- What am I thinking right now?

- You're wondering if I'm gonna guess what you're thinking.

- Whoa, you're good, Reggie.

- We're here.

- Here that, Baby Reggie? We found your parents.

- [tearful stammering]

- Aww, it's okay, girl.

You were a great temporary mama for Baby Reggie.

But Baby Reggie already has a mama.

A mama who's gonna be real happy to have her baby back,

thanks to you.

[eerie tone]

- Hi, Reggie.

Hi, Reggie.

- Hi, Reggie. - Reggie.

- Don't forget Baby Reggie.

We found her and brought her back home to you.

- [hiccups]

- That's not our Baby Reggie.

- It's not?

- No. This is our Baby Reggie.

[babies babbling] [upbeat music]

- That Baby Reggie belongs to Reggie and Reggie.

- Of course. How could I be so thick-headed?

- Don't b*at yourself up, Reggie.

Your head is big, but not that big.

- Since you two came all this way,

wanna see my shampoo collection?

- Do you wanna smell what purple sounds like?

- Probably should get Baby Reggie

back to her family.

But we'll swing by on the way back.

- I'm Reggie.

- [grunting]

[strains]

- Looks like you could use some help.

- I'm fine. Go away.

- Are you sure?

- I got it all under control, fella.

[grunts]

- I sense you're in a great deal of pain.

- It's only cramps. They'll pass.

[yells]

- I didn't mean your legs.

What are you searching for?

- None of your business, that's what!

[strains]

You're okay.

You're okay, big guy. You're okay.

- But are you really?

- What do you want me to say? That I lost my two best buds

and I'm worried sick about them?

- I'm sorry. That must feel horrible.

- It does.

[cries] It really does.

- If you let me,

I can help you find your best buds.

- I don't know.

- Everyone can use a little help now and then.

Especially when it comes to finding friends.

- [gasps]

I guess-- I guess you can help.

- Would be happy to.

I'll lower the basket.

Climb on in, and I'll pull you out.

- Uh, what's this basket made out of?

- Crystals.

- [grumbles]

[grunts]

[shivers]

- You can let go now. You're safe.

Take my hand, friend.

- [strains]

- Go on. Let go.

You can do it.

[ethereal music]

* *

- [gasps]

[dramatic music]

* *

Aha! Almost had me.

But you're not getting in this mailman's noodle.

[basket shatters]

- Reggie.

- Never run off like that again, okay?

- [hiccups]

- You did good, Mama.

- Thank you so much for bringing her back.

Most people wouldn't return to Purpleton

even if it was important.

- How come?

- People think we're strange for some reason.

- Really?

We've been hanging out with Reggie all day,

and I don't think he's strange at all.

Right, Russell?

[eerie music]

- That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

- We find it difficult to make new friends.

We try and offer our help, but people always turn us down.

- We even give away our valuable and priceless crystals

for free.

No one ever takes them.

- What kind of numbskull turns down free help?

Or these sweet, sweet crystals?

- Get away from my buds!

- Angus! I'd like you to meet--

- Rule three: always stick together!

[crashing]

[door opens gently]

- Reggie?

- Yeah, Reggie?

- Did we just make a friend?

- I think we did.

[energy blasts] I think we did.

[eerie music]

- [babbles]

- I'm telling you, Angus, they're not weird,

they just have trouble making friends.

- Uh-huh.

Let me ask you, did you touch their crystals?

- I might have touched one or two.

- Well, that makes sense.

It's called mind control, kiddo.

They wanted you to think they're not weird.

Eh, don't worry.

Should wear off in a few hours.

Now, let's try and get some sleep.

- [hiccups]

[old school hip-hop music]

* *

- Oh, geez. Oh, geez.

Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

It's really happening.

I can't believe it.

He's here. Right here!

On Mt. Middlemost!

- Who? - Old Skool!

My favorite rapper of all time.

Straight Outta Elsewhere!

- Never heard of him.

- Old Skool. He sang "Same Ol' Same"?

* That same ol' same Y'all the same ol' same *

* Ad nauseam That same ol' same *

Nothin'? - Doesn't ring a bell.

But I'm sure he's great.

Can we get some toast now? I'm starving.

- Russell? No?

- [grunts]

- Ooh, people must really want toast today!

- I love you, Old Skool.

- What's going on?

- Old Skool's inside the Middlemost Toast!

- Did you just say that Old Skool's in there?

Old Skool rules!

- Ms. Pam closed it down just for him.

- Russell, I came here for toast,

and I'm not leaving here without toast.

- Old Skool, you da man!

I'm your number one fan.

Hey, that rhymed. [chuckles]

You can sample that if you want.

- [sighs]

- Mr. Old Skool, sir?

Can I get you anything else?

A glass of juice? Another piece of toast?

My phone number?

- Nah, I'm cool.

Good lookin' out, though.

- What about your friend here?

- Mm-mm.

- Big Duke is trying to watch his calories.

- Mm.

- Hey, Ms. Pam!

Can I get a loaf of toast to go, please?

- Yo, yo, yo, yo! Who's this?

Who's this? Private event. Back it up.

- Big D, chill out, man.

Kid probably wants an autograph,

that's all.

- Nope, just a loaf of toast.

- Oh, snap!

- So it's like that, cloud?

- Like what? - Hmm.

Hmm.

- Hmm.

- Hmm.

- Hmm.

[both straining]

- Huh?

Ha, you all right, cloud.

- Thanks!

- You think Old Skool's gonna come out?

- He's gotta.

You can only eat so much toast, man.

- Hey, why don't we all sing his favorite song,

a-and we show him how much we love him.

Maybe he'll come out.

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, let's do that.

all: * That same ol' same *

* Y'all the same ol' same *

* Ad nauseum That same ol' same *

- Ugh, again with that stupid song.

Don't they ever get tired of it?

- You have other songs?

- Of course I do.

But all anyone ever wants to hear

is the "Same Ol' Same."

- Here you go, PJC.

- Thanks, Ms. Pam.

Good luck with the concert, mister!

- I'm not doing the concert.

I'm out. I quit.

- What do you mean?

You gotta do the concert.

My boss, Angus, he's, like, your number one fan.

- Old Skool, I love you!

Parker, is that you?

- Hi, Angus!

Angus would be absolutely crushed

if he didn't see you perform.

- You mean perform the "Same Ol' Same."

Well, I'm over playing the same stupid concert,

the same stupid song,

in a place that looks the same as every other place.

- Mt. Middlemost is not the same as any other place.

Let me show you around.

Once you see how different it is,

you'll want to do the concert.

Trust me. - [scoffs]

Kid, there's nothing you got here

I haven't seen a million times.

- Have you seen a talking cloud before?

- Oh, snap!

- [yells]

Can we take this tour by foot, homie?

- Sure thing, homie!

First stop, Old Stinkhole.

- Yo!

- Hey, Old Skool?

You think you were named after Old Stinkhole?

- Man, I hope not.

Hate to break it to you, P Funk,

but I've seen a giant, stanky hole before.

This is the same old same--

- Strawberry.

- A'ight, that's new. What else you got?

- [giggles]

- P-Town, I've been on a thousand rides.

This is the same old--

saaame!

- Whoo! - Whoo-hoo!

- [screams]

- [screams]

Show me more.

[hip-hop music]

[rooster call]

[drumming]

Ahh!

[shouts]

* *

[doorbell buzzes]

* *

[crowd cheering] [dance music playing]

* *

[screams]

[clock ticking]

- Wake up, fool. [alarm rings]

* *

[crowd cheering] - [beatboxing]

* *

[cheers and applause]

- Dang, that was rad.

I bet if Old Skool heard that, he'd put you on a track.

- I could see that.

- That's because you've never heard me.

[crowd gasps]

- Mayor? You can beatbox?

- I'll let my lips do the talking for me.

- Sure, that's how lips work.

- That's not what I meant!

Ryan, chapstick.

- You're all moistened, sir.

Beatbox away.

- [smacks lips]

[beatboxing] [crowd cheering]

* *

- [beatboxing]

[beatboxing continues]

* *

[needle scratches]

- You weren't playing. This place is different.

- Told ya.

- On the real, I feel like I got my mojo back

hanging out with you today, P Dizzle.

- [gasps]

Does that mean you'll do the concert?

Oh, Angus will be so happy!

And I love making Angus happy.

- Not only am I gonna do the concert,

but I'm gonna perform a brand new song.

A song inspired by you, Parker.

[chomps]

And this dope day we just had.

- Awesome!

Do I get royalties?

- Nah, son. - Still awesome!

[beatboxing] [old school hip-hop music]

* *

[beatboxing continues]

- What in the name of toast

are you people still doing here?

- We're waiting on Old Skool to come out.

- Old Skool left hours ago with PJC.

- He did?

- The concert starts in minutes.

- We've been here that long?

- Yes! Geesh.

- Come on, everybody!

Follow me to the greatest concert of our lives!

[crowd chattering]

- I was gonna say the same thing!

Ahh!

- Could you scoot over? You're stepping on my sneaker.

[crowd chattering]

- Who wants a piece of toast

that Old Skool himself took a bite out of?

[crowd gasps]

[all chattering]

- I gotta say, boss,

I haven't seen you this amped up for a concert

for a long time.

What's gotten into you?

- A cloud, man.

A little cloud.

- Word?

[rock music]

* *

- Time to rock this party.

What's cracking, Mt. Middlemost?

You all ready to hear my brand new song?

[silence]

- Or... you play "Same Ol' Same"!

- [crowd chants] "Same Ol' Same"!

"Same Ol' Same"!

- I get it, you dig that song.

But I really need to do something new and different.

- [crowd chants] "Same Ol' Same"!

"Same Ol' Same"!

[crowd stomping and clapping] "Same Ol' Same"!

"Same Ol' Same"!

[tranquil music]

* *

- Yo, listen up!

I'm gonna perform my new jam and not the "Same Ol' Same."

[crowd groans]

It was inspired by my little homie,

Parker J Cloud,

and this weird, wacky mountain y'all live on.

Come on out here, P Cloud.

- Hi.

- Parker?

Hey, everyone, I know that cloud!

That's my best friend!

- Holy moly! [crowd chatters]

- Okay, kid, I'm gonna need your help

with this new song.

- But I don't know the song.

- You don't need to know it. You just need to feel it.

- Oh, I'm all about the feels.

All right, I got you, player.

- Yo, yo, yo! How we feelin', Mt. Middlemost?

- Uh, I've felt better.

- Wish it was the other song.

- * It's a dope new song Say boom, pow *

* It's a dope new song Y'all feelin' me now? *

* It's a dope new song Say boom, pow *

* Got lightning from a cloud Y'all feelin' me now? *

* It's a dope new song Say boom, pow *

* It's a dope new song Y'all feelin' me now? *

* It's a dope new song Say boom, pow *

* Got lighting from a cloud Y'all feelin' me now? *

* Feels, feels, all about it for reals *

* Parker J, gotta say, Middlemost got appeal *

* The coaster got me spinnin', finna toss up my meal *

* Middle-mostians, y'all toastians,

* Your world surreal *

* A conga with the purples *

* Jammin' out with the greens *

* Spittin' literal fire? *

* I never seen that in the streets *

* J, ya floated in while I was trying to eat *

* And gave me thunder for this sick new b*at *

- Sweet!

* It's a dope new song Say boom, pow *

* It's a dope new song Y'all feelin' me now? *

* It's a dope new song Say boom, pow *

* Got lighting from a cloud Y'all feelin' me now?

* It's a dope new song Say boom, pow *

* It's a dope new song Y'all feelin' me now? *

* It's a dope new song Say boom, pow *

* Got lighting from a cloud Y'all feelin' me now? *

* J, let's chill 'em out with that icy new *

* Same ol', same ol' got 'em caught in a loop *

* Y'all keep your eyes open Color's everywhere *

* And put ya hands to the sky, feel this fresh in the air *

* It's a dope new song Say boom, pow *

* It's a dope new song Y'all feelin' me now? *

* It's a dope new song Say boom pow *

- * Got lighting from a cloud *

- * Y'all feelin' me now? *

* It's a dope new song Say boom, pow *

* It's a dope new song Y'all feelin' me now? *

* It's a dope new song Say boom, pow *

* Got lighting from a cloud Y'all feelin' me now? *

* *

[cheers and applause]

- That was fun.

And look, they love your dope new song.

- [crowd chanting] Old Skool! Old Skool!

Old Skool!

- You sure you don't want to go

on the rest of the tour with me, P Cloud?

I could really use you. - No thanks.

To be honest, Elsewhere sounds pretty boring.

- True that.

- Psst. Parker.

- Hey, Angus. Wanna meet Old Skool?

- Uh, hey.

- Old Skool, this is Angus.

He's your number one fan.

- What up, Biggie? Want an autograph?

[record scratch]

- [swoons]

- Oh, I almost forgot. Here, kid.

A little token of my appreciation.

[crashes] - Cool.

- See you on the flip, homie!

- Okay, homie!

I really liked that "Dope New Song."

- Eh, but I still prefer the "Same Ol' Same."

- * Same ol' same, same people same game *

* Old Skool schoolin' fools *

* 'Cause they the same old same *

* Wack emcees, I just forgot your name *

* Amnesia, I can't see ya, Y'all the same old same *

* That same ol' same Y'all the same ol same *

* Ad nauseum That same ol' same *

* That same ol' same Y'all the same ol' same *

* Ad nauseum That same ol' same *

* That same ol' same Y'all the same ol' same *

* Ad nauseum That same ol' same *
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