07x07 - Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Four: Dirty Dancing

[bunniefuu]

[JUGHEAD] After Mr. Cooper
told Mrs. Cooper that Betty

had been dancing in her
window, in her skivvies,

for Archie's... uh, benefit,

Mrs. Cooper phoned Hollywood, California

to give Hermione Lodge a good
old fashioned East Coast what-for,

since Veronica had supplied
the skivvies in question.

Then, Alice rang her good
friend Penelope Blossom

for advice about what to do,

mother-to-mother.

Well, I can't say I'm surprised.

By what, Mother?

Operator, can you put me
through to Stratford- ?

Alice Cooper needs help saving
her little hussy of a daughter.

Agnes, [CHUCKLES] you won't believe...

[JUGHEAD] So by morning, everyone knew

some version of what had happened,

most of it untrue, and repercussions
were being felt far and near.

She's never gonna talk
to me again, is she?

Your mother just needs to understand

that you're a red-blooded,
American young man

and that Betty, well, she's a
voluptuous, ripe peach of a girl.

[SIGHS]

I just... I'm so
embarrassed, Uncle Frank.

Well...

Were you caught with your pants down?

- Yes.
- [SIGHS]

Was what you were
doing a little raunchy?

Well, maybe.

But I'd be more worried about you

if you weren't showing an
interest in that kitten.

But for now, just keep
up with your schoolwork,

focus on the basketball team,

stay away from Betty,

- take plenty of cold showers.
- [CHUCKLES]

We'll get you through
this, Archie. All right?

Yeah.

Good.

[ALICE] You cannot parade
around naked in front of boys.

Okay, again,

Archie and I were not
naked. We were just...

Having fun. We were in
separate houses, Mom.

What did you think was going to happen?

With you, anything's possible.

Which is why, starting today,

you will be cutting a rug
on Riverdale Grandstand.

Mom, no.

Mom, I don't wanna be
part of Dad's dance show.

Only nerds and squares
are on Dad's dance show.

All right, enough of
the sass, young lady!

You will be dancing from : to
: every afternoon after school.

We will make sure that
you're nice and tuckered out

so there's no more late-night
shows with your pinkie out of jail

for over-sexed young men like Archie.

And if I catch wind of
you even saying "hello"

to that red-headed pervert, well...

[SCOFFS]

You don't wanna see
me frosted, young lady.

["TWEEDLEE DEE" PLAYING]

♪ Tweedlee tweedlee ♪
♪ Tweedlee dee ♪

♪ I'm as happy as can be ♪

Miss Veronica, pardon the interruption,

but a telegram arrived

from your parents, miss.

Ugh...

They must still be peeved about
Mrs. Cooper snitching on me.

"Mija, you have been a bad girl. Stop.

Time to teach you a lesson. Stop.

No more allowance. Stop.

Report for work at the Babylonium
Theater today at : sharp.

Stop."

They're suspending my allowance?

And making me get an after-school job?

Smithers, this is child abuse!

Well, if they think
they can break my spirit

as if I were a filly, they're
in for a rude awakening.

Hey, Dad.

Kevin, what are you doing with this?

Uh, it's... It's a... That's
a bodybuilding magazine.

Where'd you get that from?

New pal of yours? That Clay character?

His name's Clay Walker. No. Uh, no, Dad.

What... What's going on?

I don't know.

I don't know, Kevin.

I mean, you cut your
girlfriend loose, you...

You started hanging
around with strange boys

and you're... reading
magazines like this?

I don't like much of any of it.

[JUGHEAD] Meanwhile,
I was wracked by guilt

over the fact that I betrayed my idol,

the science-fiction writer
Brad Rayberry, when...

Mr. Jones.

... Featherhead called me on the carpet.

[SIGHS]

[DR. WERTHERS] Care to explain this?

I have a part-time gig writing
comic books after school.

The content, Mr. Jones, is
what we're concerned about.

The violent, gruesome,
highly sexualized content,

all happening to students

clearly inspired by your
peers here at Riverdale.

Aren't you ashamed to be associated
with such reprehensible dreck?

No. Actually, I'm quite proud
to have my name on that cover.

And whose beeswax is it anyway

what I do with my time after school?

If we were to learn
that one of our students

was involved in the creation

and distribution of p*rn,

we would absolutely expel them.

This is a comic book, sir.

This isn't a p*rn mag.

Well, we don't see them so
very different, Mr. Jones.

Both are inappropriate for children,

both twist their minds and souls...

Cut the gas.

It's the biggest load of hooey that's
ever been laid on me in my life!

[FEATHERHEAD] It's
very simple, Mr. Jones.

Sign this agreement, stating
that you'll no longer write

horror and crime comic books,

and you remain a student here.

Refuse to sign it, and we will
take steps to have you expelled.

[STUDENTS MURMURING INDISTINCTLY]

[WOLF WHISTLES]

[ALL CHUCKLING]

Andrews!

[BULLDOG PLAYERS GRUNTING]

[VERONICA] Can I ask,
how far did you get?

Because I'm hearing conflicting reports.

All we did was look at each other.

My favorite words in
the English language,

"You can look, but you can't touch."

Well, Archie and I won't
be touching any time soon,

or looking, for that matter.

Especially not now that I'm on my
dad's grody dance show every day.

- Riverdale Grandstand?
- Mmm-hmm.

I haven't seen it myself,

you know television makes my skin crawl,

but it seems like it could be a kick.

It's a bash.

More than that,

it's an honor.

One, as dance captain,
I take very seriously.

Cheryl, how and why are you a dance
captain on Riverdale Grandstand?

Her parents are RIVW's biggest sponsors.

I do my part as dance
captain and spokeswoman.

Say, Vee, why don't
you join the dance show?

Absolutely not.

I would love to,

but I'm starting my new job at
the movie theater this afternoon.

Part of my punishment for
encouraging the corruption of minors.

Speaking of that, here's a list
of rules for participants, Betty,

in case you get any more pervy ideas.

"No chewing gum, dress
code strictly enforced,

no kissing, no groin-on-groin contact."

See you at : on the dot.

[SIGHS]

[RHYTHMIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[IMPERCEPTIBLE]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[FRANK] All right,
everybody! Bring it in!

I'm sure most of you know
your classmate Kevin Keller,

but as of today, he's the
newest member of our team.

So let's give him a big Bulldog welcome.

[SCATTERED APPLAUDING]

Swell. Just what we need,
a cream puff Bulldog.

[ENTHRALLING CINEMA SCORE PLAYING]

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING
SOFTLY IN THE BACKGROUND]

[LEMLY] She's a knockout, isn't she?

Yes, she is.

Fat City.

And you must be my new boss, Mr. Lemly.

Veronica Lodge.

And please, whatever arrangement
my parents made with you,

let me assure you, movie
theaters are my happy place.

They have been ever since I attended

my first picture show, Babes in Arms.

So what's my job?

Ticket-taker?

Popcorn girl? Usherette?

All of the above.

These days I can only
afford a skeleton crew.

That's pretty much you, me...

And me.

I run the projector and try
to keep on top of repairs

so that this place
doesn't collapse on itself.

[CHUCKLES] Enchantée, Clay.

- Enchanté.
- I look forward to getting to know you better

and being part of the team.

- ["MAMBO BOOGIE" PLAYING]
- [HAL] All right, kids.

It's time for the Bop!

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

Betty! Why aren't you dancing?

'Cause I don't wanna be here

and I don't wanna dance.

You have to dance!

It's bad for ratings if
the camera pans this a-way

and catches the daughter of
our beloved host-with-the-most

acting like a canceled stamp.

What do you want me to do, Cheryl?

Everyone's already paired up.

That's not true.

What about Dilton?

He hasn't had a steady partner

since Ethel went to the Sisters
of Quiet Mercy. Just don't...

maul him, for Pete's sake!

Fine.

[CHAIN RATTLES]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Just checking in.

Don't stay up too late now.

Hey, Uncle Frank, um...

What were you and Sheriff
Keller talking about

at practice today?

Only that he wants Kevin
to get more into sports.

Thinks he could use some
better male role models.

Regular Joes like me and you.

Is something wrong with Kevin?

[SIGHS]

Well...

Sometimes boys get confused

about how they're supposed to act.

Don't worry, Archie. I
promised Tom, you and me,

we'll straighten Kevin out.

[BELL RINGS]

Hey, Kev.

Hey, what're you doing during lunch?

I thought maybe we could
hang out, sh**t some baskets.

Yeah, sure.

Gee, that's swell!

I'll see you in the gym.

Catch you later, Clay.

[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]

Mr. Rayberry!

I was wondering if I could
trade this check in for cash.

I don't trust banks.

[BERNIE] Sure, Mr. Rayberry.

Let me talk to payroll.

Thank you.

- Again, I'm so sorry...
- It's : .

Shouldn't you be in school?

I might have dropped out.

Why?

Well...

The finks at the top said that if
I don't stop writing comic books

and corrupting America's youth,

that I'll be expelled for
some cooked-up malarkey.

So... I b*at feet.

Huh.

Hope it's worth it.

What time is your lunch break, anyway?

Any time, I guess.

Hey, Kev.

You know, you and I have been in
the same grade since kindergarten.

Why basketball? Why now?

Uh, it was my dad's idea.

I just think he wants
me to be a regular guy.

Less of an off-horse.

What does that even mean?

You know, a guy who likes sports,

who, um...

does, like, what you did with Betty.

Who isn't interested
in things like poetry

and drama and music
and movie stars and...

I like those things.

Well, yeah, but you're...

[CHUCKLES]

What?

What am I?

You're normal, Archie. You're normal.

Kevin, so are you.

Yeah, I... I wanna be,

more than anything.

I just want to be like everybody else.

[DOOR OPENS]

[GRUNTS]

[PLAYERS CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY IN DISTANCE]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Again and... and for
the rest of my life,

I would like to apologize...

For stealing and reading my novel.

- For that. Yeah.
- [BRAD] Mmm-hmm.

It was a chump move

and you had every right
to bite my head off.

I did.

That said, I, um...

I may have, uh, overreacted.

[JUGHEAD] No, I... I...

I totally understand why you
were being protective over

The Jupiter Journals. Mr. Rayberry, I...

I think it's a masterpiece.

- Huh.
- [CHUCKLES]

If I wrote that manuscript,

I... I think I could die a happy man.

Wow.

Before we start

planning your funeral, let's talk about

you dropping out of school.

You should go back.

Education's important.

I... I just don't really

see why I have to choose
between writing comic books

and getting an education.

You shouldn't.

And this,

young sir, is what
is known as a [SNIFFS]

Gordian knot.

So, tell me everything you know

about this Werthers clown,

who he is,

where he comes from, what he's about,

what he believes.

[PLAYERS WHISTLING AND CHEERING]

- [JULIAN] Fellas, an announcement.
- [CLAPPING AND WHOOPING]

Let's give a proud woof for Rodgers here

who finally did

the dirty deed with
Jenny Stevens last night.

In the back of his dad's
Thunderbird, no less.

- [CLAPPING AND WHISTLING]
- [PLAYER ] Whoo!

- [PLAYER ] Whoo! Whoo!
- Between Rodgers and Andrews'

X-rated peep show with Betty Cooper,

we might want to rename our team

[INHALES] the Horndogs.

[PLAYERS GRUNTING]

The question is,

which one of you fruitcakes is next?

Can't be a real man unless you've
gone all the way with a woman.

We all know Fogarty's solid.

You and Midge, right?

That's none of your
beeswax there, Blossom.

Man of mystery, okay.

What about you, Keller?

What about you?

Julian?

Pretty sure you're still a virgin?

Uh, keep dreaming.

Crossed into the promised
land on my th birthday,

when my dad took me to see Twyla Twyst.

Who's Twyla Twyst?

A floozy who works

out of the Cozy Time
Motel behind the school.

- [PLAYER WHOOPS]
- Spend one night with her.

[EXHALES] Heck, even one hour

and you'll never be the same.

What do you say, Keller?

You up for it?

Put a lid on it, Julian.

- Kevin...
- Yeah, I'll do it.

I'll go see her.

Attaboy, Keller.

That's the spirit.

Let me know when and where.

So, Clay, bring me up to speed.

Am I sensing you're a fellow cinephile?

It's actually what I
wannna study in college.

Filmmaking.

I know, it sounds nutty
as a can of peanuts,

but I dream of one day

inspiring people like
my hero inspired me.

Oscar Micheaux.

- Who's he?
- [CLAY] A Black director.

He started at the same time as

D.W. Griffith and Mary Pickford.

Well, if we're,

indulging in pipe dreams today.

I've never been crazy
about being in front

of the cameras but I
do love being near them.

Well, maybe

your destiny is to run a
studio one day and then,

- you can hire me to direct my first movie.
- [LAUGHS]

Deal.

[DOOR OPENS]

Oh, Mr. Lemly.

When does our rush begin?

You're looking at it.

Seems like it's gonna
be another slow night.

Uh, slow is one thing but
graveyard-like is another.

What gives?

TV's taken a Dracula-sized
bite out of our business.

Also, that new [SIGHS]

drive-in that's just
opened up, The Starlight,

doesn't help either.

Excuse me.

Living rooms and drive-ins

cannot compete with the
experience of seeing a movie

in a palace like the Babylonium.

People need to be reminded of that.

How about an ad in
the Riverdale Register?

Or what about a commercial?

On television

aired during Riverdale Grandstand.

All the kids will see it that way.

Dancing up a storm sure is hard work.

That's why I like to fortify myself

throughout the day with hearty helpings

of Blossom Maple Syrup.

Try it on your pancakes.

- [JULIAN] Waffles.
- [PENELOPE] Biscuits.

[CHERYL] And even your
favorite ice cream.

Nine out of Americans agree

there is nothing quite like

the extra sweet flavor
of Blossom maple syrup.

And remember, kids,

it's not just for breakfast anymore.

Now in economy-sized tins.

[DIRECTOR] And cut!

["LISTEN TO ME BABY" PLAYING]

All right, kids, let's swing
again to, "Listen To Me Baby."

Hey, there.

It's Betty, right?

I'm Troy. My, uh, usual
partner, Judy, has the mumps.

You wanna let me take
you out for a spin?

Sure, you might as well.

Well, that's swell.

[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]

So, is it true?

That you, uh,

like it when guys watch you?

I don't know what you're talking about.

[CHUCKLES] Come on, fess up.

I mean, we've all heard the story.

After we wrap here,

how about you and I go down to the river

and you can put on a little

private show for me?

Will ya?

Get your paws off me, creep!

[GASPS]

[ALICE] Betty! Betty!

[GASPS] You cannot do
that on live television.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Atta girl.

For the th time,

it wasn't my fault.

Troy got fresh with me.

- He grabbed my...
- If he did,

it's because you have
created a fast reputation.

I barely touched him.

What is the matter with you?

You know what would solve this problem?

If you let me off Riverdale Grandstand.

You know what? I'm
gonna have a little chat

with all of the young men on our show.

And no one is going to dance with you.

Wait, so what am I
going to be doing then?

You can sit in the corner

and stew like a sourpuss for all I care.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hey, Mr. Rayberry.

Uh, sorry, can... can I come in?

Sure.

As long you don't swipe anything.

I've... I've... I've
been thinking about it.

I don't wanna give up writing.

My high school diploma be damned.

[BRAD] I agree.

And you're right. You
shouldn't stop writing,

but you do need a front.

- A cover.
- A front?

I have friends in Hollywood who, uh,

were blacklisted when McCarthy was, um,

ringing the alarm on the so-called

"Communist thr*at."

And, uh,

they kept writing but under pseudonyms.

You should do that.

Hmm?

Publish what you want
under a different name

and Werthers will be none the wiser.

Yeah, but do you really think that

Werthers is gonna buy

that I just quit writing
comic books altogether?

It's so simplistic, no?

Well, not if you muddy the waters.

I mean, like, if, uh,

you tell Werthers you're, uh...

You're shifting your focus off
horror comic books to, I don't know,

happy animal comic books.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, Super Duck.

Yeah, exactly.

Tell Werthers you're writing Super Duck,

uh, keep churning out the horror stories

under an alias and
problem solved. Right?

[EXHALING]

God, Archie,

what am I gonna do?

What am I gonna do? I...

[KEVIN PANTS]

Listen,

just put yourself in her hands, Kevin.

Let nature take its course.

Is that how your first time went?

[CHUCKLES]

Kevin...

I'm still a virgin, too.

You are?

Yeah.

Well, doesn't that b*at all?

If I'm a virgin and you're a virgin,

why do I have to go
to Twyla and you don't?

Why do I have to prove
something and you don't?

It's funny how the
world works, isn't it?

We're so pleased that you've
come to your senses, Mr. Jones.

Just hold your horses.

We have some stipulations.

And what exactly is your
interest in this, Mr. Rayberry?

How do you even know Mr. Jones?

Well, we are colleagues,

at Pep Comics.

And I just most recently
started to mentor, Jughead.

How, uh,

magnanimous of you.

Jughead agrees to stop
writing horror comics

per this agreement.

But I will continue to write comics

for Pep, specifically, Super Duck.

It's wholesome, family friendly fare.

Unobjectionable, you might say.

Well, although we
appreciate Jughead's curbing

the violent content
of his previous work...

Okay, let's cut the bull, Doc.

Okay?

What you are doing to my mentee

is unconstitutional.

And if you continue to harass him,

I am prepared to escalate
this as far as we need to go.

Are you talking about
the PTA, Mr. Rayberry?

No, I'm not talking about the PTA.

I'm talking about a little organization

called the US Supreme Court.

So how does Jones v. Board
of Education sound to you?

I'm curious if the justices
would take the same stance

regarding comic books
as you do, Mr. Werthers.

Namely that they are as
problematic as hardcore p*rn?

Gentlemen, let's not lose our heads.

Uh, I'm sure none of us, uh, wanna
blow this thing out of proportion.

And I'm... I'm not an expert.

but it seems to me that this

Super Duck character
is, uh... [CHUCKLES]

quite harmless.

Wouldn't you agree, Dr. Werthers?

Yes, for the moment.

- Great.
- Well, this was just tops.

So glad to be back.

[MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKER]

♪ I've been waiting a long time ♪

♪ 'Cause waiting... ♪

So, baby, Julian tells me

you're cruising for a good time.

Come, dance with me.

You can follow my lead.

Let Twyla take care of you.

Hello. Cooper.

[CASH REGISTER DINGS]

Here you go. Thank you.

Betty.

Archie.

Thank you.

Uh, what are you... What are you up to?

Well, you know, just

picking up dinner on my
way home from the studio.

Say, uh, Betty,

can I ask you something?

Yeah.

Um...

When you and, uh...

When you and Kevin were dating...

what... How was he?

- What do you mean?
- I don't know.

Uh, well...

His dad's got it into his head
that Kevin's funny, you know,

an off horse, little girly, I guess.

[SCOFFS] Archie, you don't expect
me to kiss and tell, do you?

No, no, of course not.

Anyway, hopefully after tonight,

Kevin will straighten out.

- Fly right.
- What do you mean? Why?

What's happening tonight?

Nothing.

- God, I shouldn't have said anything.
- Archie.

What do you mean? Tell me
what's happening tonight?

[SIGHS]

Kevin, don't do it.

[KEVIN PANTS]

Oh, God.

Am I too late? Did something bad happen?

The only thing that happened in here

was a whole lot of nothing.

We were having a little dance party.

I let down my hair a little

then he started bawling like a baby,

saying, "I can't do it."

[TWYLA LAUGHS]

But tonight might not be a total bust.

Come here, sugar.

You're a hunk and a half.

Come to Twyla.

I'm just here for my friend.

Oh, he's your friend, is he?

That makes sense.

Twyla knows the score, she's been
around the block more than once.

Take him.

He's all yours.

Come on, Kev. Let's split.

[KEVIN] Why did you
come and get me, Archie?

I ran into Betty at Pop's,

told her what was going
on and she blew a gasket.

She said I had to...

come and save you from doing
something that might scar you for life.

Boy, was she frosted.

What am I gonna say to the guys, Archie?

When they find out what happened

or what didn't happened,

it will be the end of me.

I'm never gonna be a normal fella.

Hey, what about this?

We're gonna tell them

that you made it with Twyla,
that you went all the way.

I'll back you up.

And I'll give you some things to say.

Things that I've...

read in magazines or
heard my Uncle Frank say.

Look, don't worry, Kevin.

We're gonna get you on
the stick and sell it.

No matter who you are,

hot rodder or cheerleader,

book worm or jock,

square or beatnik,

deep down we all yearn
for the same things.

Adventure, romance, excitement.

Well, what if I told you
that just for cents

you could have all that and more.

Movies have the power to
transport us all over the world.

But only if you see them in
a theater like the Babylonium.

They're magical, special places,

where it even feels good to cry.

It's a scientific fact.

Movies are better in movie theaters.

Come to the Babylonium to laugh,

to cry,

to sit in the dark and experience
something powerful together.

And fall in love with the
movies again for the first time.

[BELL DINGS]

[PROJECTOR HALTS]

[VERONICA SIGHS]

Well, Mr. Lemly,

what did you think of the commercial?

Perfection.

So why don't you buy a few choice spots

and see if it gets word of mouth going?

Veronica, I've been negotiating
the sale of the Babylonium

to an interested party
for the last few months.

The official offer finally came through.

Who's buying it?

Well... It's your parents.

That's how I know them.

My parents?

[VERONICA CHUCKLES]

They're not even in the
movie theater business.

They don't even appreciate movies.

Oh, I assumed you knew.

It's my understanding they're gonna turn

the Babylonium into a parking lot.

Mr. Rayberry, that Supreme
Court bit was inspired.

You had Dr. Werthers
quaking in his boots.

And Principal Featherhead's
face was priceless.

Straw men fall easily.

But I'm glad though that
you're going back to school.

And that you get to
keep writing comic books.

Mmm, I wanted to talk to you about that.

What if you were to really be my mentor?

I'm open.

Let me finish this milkshake before
we sign any adoption papers, huh.

Right on, yeah.

Yeah, of course.

Look, I did wanna tell you though that

I've decided to re-read my novel.

I think it's time.

An Edward Hopper original.

[CHUCKLES]

Bet you're worth a pretty penny.

Dad?

You had quite an eventful evening.

I know that you went and saw Twyla.

How?

Did Julian tell you?

Only because I asked for him to
suggest it to you in the first place.

[KEVIN CHUCKLES]

I thought maybe if the idea came from

one of your classmates you
might be more inclined to do it.

- Well...
- I spoke to Twyla,

right after Archie came and rescued you.

She told me what happened.

That you couldn't or wouldn't.

That you started to cry.

I don't know exactly
what happened last night,

but Tom just called.

He told me that Kevin will no
longer be on the basketball team.

Poor Tom.

I feel for him,

having a son who's bent.

Such a shame.

Well, what about your breakfast?

Uh, lost my appetite.

Hmm.

I've been mulling over

our conversation from
yesterday, Mr. Lemly.

And I'd like to buy the Babylonium.

More specifically, I'd
like to trade this painting

from my personal
collection for your theater.

I've spoken to Crestby's

and I think you'll find
that on the open market,

an original Hopper is worth much more

than what my parents are offering you.

I'm deep in negotiations
with your folks.

I know. But...

our commercial wasn't false advertising.

Going to the movies is special.

Working here at the Babylonium,
even briefly, has rekindled

something in me.

[CLAY] Plus,

wouldn't you feel better
knowing that someone's

keeping the lights on
and the projector running?

Showing the Babylonium
the same love and respect

you have all these years?

[SIGHS SOFTLY]

I don't know, I think I
messed up with Kevin, Betty.

I think I made things worse.

No, Arch. You were just
trying to include him,

make him feel like a part of things.

You protected him as best as you could.

Well, isn't this a sight to behold?

My mother and father wanted
to invite any and all students

to this afternoon's taping
of Riverdale Grandstand.

Why today's?

Because it's our th episode,

and my parents wanna see
some fresh faces on screen.

Toodle-oo.

I can't believe how
screwed up the world is.

I know, the hypocrisy.

No matter what we're going through,

what our parents are putting us through,

as long as we show up on Grandstand

smiling and dancing like trained
seals, everything's peachy keen.

And all the grownups do is
to tell us what to think,

how we're supposed to act.

How to dress, who to date.

They're trying to control
every second of our lives,

and there's not a thing
we can do about it.

[BETTY] Maybe...

But maybe not...

[MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Kokomo, Kokomo ♪
♪ Kokomo ♪

♪ Kokomo, Kokomo, Kokomo ♪

♪ Well, talk to me, baby ♪
♪ Whisper in my ear ♪

♪ Talk to me baby ♪
♪ Whisper in my ear ♪

♪ Come a little closer ♪
♪ Don't have no fear ♪

♪ Don't you know... ♪

Okay, boys and girls.

Now it's time for America's
latest dance craze.

The twirl.

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

♪ My gal is red hot ♪

♪ Your gal ain't doodley squat! ♪

♪ My gal is red hot ♪

♪ Your gal ain't doodley squat! ♪

♪ She ain't got a lot of money
but lovin' she's really got a lot ♪

♪ My gal is red hot ♪

[BETTY] Hey.

You cool cats wanna see
what a real twirl looks like?

♪ She ain't got a lot of money
but lovin' she's really got a lot ♪

♪ My gal can do the shimmy ♪
♪ She can do the boogie, too ♪

♪ If she ain't a Jim Dandy ♪
♪ She's a snapperoo ♪

♪ My gal is red hot ♪

♪ Your gal ain't doodley squat! ♪

- ♪ She ain't got a lot of money ♪
- [GASPS]

♪ But lovin' she's really got a lot ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ My gal, man ♪

Alice, Alice!

- [SCREAMS] No, no, no, no, no!
- [RECORD SCRATCHES]

Stop filming.

Cut to commercial.

[TONE BLARING]

You have any idea

how much trouble you
could get the station in?

You're out of control.

No, Mom.

I am in complete control.

I knew exactly what I was doing and why.

Wha...

Now, Mother, may I please be excused

from future episodes
of Riverdale Grandstand?

You are off the show!

But you broke my heart, Betty.

[SMITHERS] You rang, Ms. Veronica?

Yes, Smithers.

I'd like you to send a
telegram to my parents.

"Dear Mom and Dad."

Stop.

"I am now the new owner
of the Babylonium."

Stop.

"Which will never turn
into a parking lot."

Stop.

"My best to Uncle Orson, stop."

Hey, Kev.

Clay.

What are you guys doing for lunch?

Um...

Sorry, Archie, my
basketball days are over.

Yeah, I heard.

I was actually hoping to
break bread with you guys.

Talk about things like
music, plays, movie stars.

Why not?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, that's boss.

Save me a spot in the lounge.

[ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ I'm a hot mama ♪

♪ I'm known by that name ♪

♪ I'm just a hot mama ♪

♪ I'm known by that name ♪

♪ Hands up, daddy ♪

♪ If you can't cool the brain ♪

♪ I'm warning all you chicks ♪

♪ Telling you what's right ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm warning all you chicks ♪

- ♪ Telling you what's... ♪
- [RECORD SCRATCHES AND MUSIC STOPS]

Ms. Cooper,

might I have a word
with you in my office?

Your mother called me last night.

She's very concerned

about you and your erratic behavior.

Yes, well, a teenage girl with
a mind and desires of her own,

it's all very concerning, isn't it?

[SCRIBBLING ON PAPER]

You're so...

tortured, Betty.

What are we going to do with you?

[JUGHEAD] With Dr. Werthers shifting

his glowering attention
from me to Betty,

I was now able to continue my
budding comic career on twin tracks,

with the prospect of Mr. Rayberry
as my mentor keeping me up and typing

late into the night.

[JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKER]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Evening, sir.

Apologies for the late delivery.

[BELL DINGS]