(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(SCREAMING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(ALL CHEERING)
MAN 1: All aboard, girls!
Bye!
(BUS HONKING)
MAN 2: Welcome home, honey!
GIRL 1: Hi, Daddy!
Hi, Mom!
-Mom!
-Hi!
Hi! (LAUGHS)
Wait. Did you get taller?
-Yes, I did.
-Wow.
So good. Okay. Oh, here it is.
-Let's get your trunk.
-MARGARET: Yes.
I double-parked the car
and they're already mad at me.
-What car?
-Oh, we bought a car.
-We bought got a car?
-Yeah!
-What for?
-I'll explain later.
It's that big blue one
right over there.
-(HONKING)
-In the middle of the road.
-MAN 3: Hey, lady,
you kidding me?
-BARBARA: Sorry!
-Sorry, we're going.
One second.
-There's my girl!
Grandma!
-Ah!
-(HONKING CONTINUES)
-Oh, God, I missed you!
-MARGARET: Me, too!
Lady, you can't stop
in the middle of the street.
Let's go!
-I'm sorry. Promise,
two more seconds.
-Come on, lady.
Welcome home gift.
-Oh, you made this?
-From scratch.
-Aw!
-It's cashmere.
I did everything
-but shave the goat.
-(GIGGLES)
-Margaret! Can you just...
-MAN 3: Let's go, ladies.
I'm so sorry. Yeah,
get the bottom there.
-Okay. You got it.
-Here we go. Okay.
-Right on, girls.
-All right, here we go.
-Oh, God.
-Heavy.
Watch out for the...
-Watch out for the bike.
-Oh, God.
BARBARA: Here we go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
I would've done it.
BARBARA: Oh, hi!
I would've done it.
Please, please.
-Oh, my God. Amazing.
-We got it.
-Dad!
-Hello! Oh, my goodness!
-I'm so glad to see you.
-Me, too!
Look at that! What happened?
-So, how was camp?
-It was amazing.
-So, you were in a play?
-Yep!
Oh, my God. That's incredible.
-What are those boxes for?
-Don't worry about that.
I want to hear
more about camp.
What else did you learn?
-What else did you do?
-You're moving.
-What?
-Really, Mom?
-Sylvia. You promised.
-Oh, wow.
We're moving?
Look, it's...
Look, we we're...
SYLVIA: She saw the boxes.
-She was putting it together.
-I don't think she was.
-We're moving?
-Okay.
HERB: Just...
Look, we wanted you
to settle in
before we sprung the news.
But, um, your dad
got his promotion.
HERB: Yeah. Isn't that great?
BARBARA: And we found
-this great house.
-HERB: Oh, the best house.
-The best house.
-Where?
Well, that's the thing.
We got really lucky. And...
-New Jersey.
-HERB: Ah...
-New Jersey?
-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
-(HERB GROANS)
-I said I'd stay out of it.
We're leaving New York?
Barely leaving New York.
It's just on the other side
of the river.
But...
But we're happy here.
We don't need to move.
No, we don't need to move
but we want to move. Right?
I don't.
I'll have to leave
all of my friends
and change schools
and I'll never
see Grandma anymore.
BARBARA: That is not true.
Look, you're going to keep
all your friends here
and you're going to make more
friends. And listen to this.
I'm not going to work anymore.
Do you know what that means?
That means that I'm not going
to be gone all the time.
Running from class to class.
God. Do you know how
bad I felt about that?
But you love teaching art.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I do, I do, but...
But this is,
this is our opportunity.
I'll be home now.
I can be home with you
every single day.
I'll get involved
at your school,
just like
all your friends' moms.
And we'll have family dinners
and I'll learn to cook.
(CHUCKLES)
BARBARA: I know it's a lot.
Can you just
try to believe us?
Yeah.
Mmm.
I love you so much. Come here.
Come here. You, too.
And you, Sylvia.
-Sylvia. Come on.
-HERB: Come on, Mom. Come on.
BARBARA: Come on.
You know you want to.
Faster.
Okay, okay,
I'm coming, I'm coming.
BARBARA: There we go.
SYLVIA: Oh, my darling.
I'm never
going to see you again.
HERB: Oh, Jesus.
-Wow.
-So dramatic all the time.
What are you
taking her over there
with the schmucks
and the condos
on the other side
of the Hudson?
But we're not going to be
in a condo.
SYLVIA: And those
mafia diners,
where they sh**t each other...
(ARGUING INDISTINCTLY)
(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(SIGHS) God...
(SIGHS)
God?
Are you there, God?
It's me... Margaret Simon.
Um...
I just wanted... Well...
First, I've, I've heard a lot
of great things about you.
I don't want to move.
I've never lived anywhere
but the city, and...
I... I don't want to do this.
Please, I'm begging you.
Just please, just stop
this move from happening.
Um, if...
if you can't do that...
Just please don't let
New Jersey be too horrible.
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)
-You're gonna have
to hurry up, all right?
-Okay, Dad!
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
BARBARA: Okay, you.
You need some light.
(SNIFFS) Oh, God.
They smell bad?
Oh, they don't
smell good, honey.
-You're going to be there
very soon. Believe me.
-(DOORBELL RINGS)
MARGARET: I'll get it.
I already know
your name's Margaret
and you're in sixth grade.
The real estate agent
sent out,
like, a tiny flyer about you
to the whole neighborhood.
It was, like, this big
and it had your picture.
Oh, okay.
I'm Nancy.
I'm in sixth grade, too.
Do you want to
come over to my house
and run under
the sprinklers with me?
Oh. I don't know.
You don't know?
Oh, no, no, no.
I just mean I'll have to ask.
Um, just a second.
-Mom?
-Yeah?
There's a girl
from the neighborhood
who asked if I could go
under the sprinklers with her.
Oh, that's great. Yeah.
I need my bathing suit.
Good luck finding it in here.
That's all right.
She can borrow one of mine.
Oh, hello.
Nancy Wheeler.
I live in the bigger house
up the street.
Come on, let's go.
Whose class are you in
at Delano?
Um...
The letter said "Room 18."
I'm in room 18, too!
We were supposed to have
Miss Phipps,
but she ran off
with some guy to California,
so we're going to get
a new teacher now.
Come on. Room's upstairs.
Voila.
My bathing suit's over here.
Um...
-Here. It's clean.
-Thanks.
-Where should I change?
-What's wrong with here?
Nothing. I don't mind
if you don't mind.
(SCOFFS) Why would I mind?
You're still flat.
Um...
Well, I'm already growing.
See?
I'm going to have
a pretty big chest.
You know,
coming from New York,
I thought you'd be
a lot more grown up.
Have you ever kissed a boy?
You mean, like, really kiss?
Like, on the lips?
Yeah. Have you?
Not exactly.
Neither have I,
but I practice a lot.
You want to see?
(KISSING LOUDLY)
(LAUGHING)
What?
-Sorry.
-You have to practice
or else you won't
be a good kisser.
Ready to go?
Sure.
(60'S FRENCH MUSIC PLAYING)
Follow the leader.
Yeah, watch me.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
-I'm a supermodel.
-Okay.
(YELPS)
(BOYS LAUGHING)
-Evan, you stupid idiot!
-I'm sorry.
You're such a great model,
by the way.
Who are they?
It's my dumb brother
-and his stupid friend.
-Hey.
-Mom!
-That was uncalled for.
Who are you?
Margaret. Um, we moved in
down the street.
Oh, so you're the new people?
Ask your dad if he wants me
to cut the lawn.
Five bucks, and I trim, too.
MRS. WHEELER: Evan!
Get over here right now!
-(SIGHS) I got to go.
-Dude...
(BOY GRUNTS)
Got to get us more birdseed.
Yeah.
My name's Moose. Moose Freed.
I live down the street, too.
Um...
Yeah, but don't forget
to ask your dad
about the lawn thingy.
Yeah. (CHUCKLES) I won't.
(SIGHS) Oh,
now I got to go see Evan.
(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)
Sorry you got stuck
with Moose.
Oh, that's okay.
Anyways, listen, Margaret.
I've decided I want you
to join my secret club.
There's three of us
and I'm letting in one more.
But you can't wear socks
or else the others
might not want you.
Oh.
See you later.
(DOOR OPENS)
MARGARET: Are you there, God?
It's me, Margaret, again.
It's the first day
of school tomorrow.
I met this girl, Nancy.
I don't really know
if she liked me.
I think she just expected me
to be different or something.
Anyway, well,
it did get me thinking.
Maybe it is time for...
things to be happening
around here?
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Come in.
Look.
MARGARET: Anyway, just think
about what I mentioned.
BARBARA: It was in
with the bathroom stuff.
I found this, too,
if you need it.
MARGARET: Thanks, God.
-Thanks, Mom.
-Mmm-hmm.
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, wow, look at you.
BARBARA: Are you ready
for your first day?
How you feeling?
It's going to be great, right?
And if it's not great, first
days don't count anyways.
-Right?
-BARBARA: Exactly.
-HERB: All right.
See you later.
-Bye!
-HERB: Bye!
-Did I not
unpack your socks?
Oh, um, uh...
I don't want socks.
Why? You'll get blisters.
I just don't.
(SUCKS TEETH) Okay.
(LAWN MOWER STARTS OUTSIDE)
Oh. Oh, wait. Dad!
-Hey, hey, Dad!
-Yeah!
-Hey. Um...
-Hey.
I forgot to ask you.
Um, a boy named Moose asked
if he can cut our lawn
for five bucks.
Moose? Well, tell him thanks,
but no, thanks.
I just got a new power mower
and I'm really excited
for the grass to grow.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
-All right. Knock 'em dead
today, all right, sweetie?
-Okay.
-Okay.
-Bye.
I just need to warn you
one more time about the socks.
-(LIVELY MUSIC CONTINUES)
-(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
Oh, Margaret's here.
Hello. Good,
I thought you'd forget.
Guys, this is Margaret,
the one
I was telling you about.
-Margaret, this is Janie.
-Hi, nice to meet you.
-Yeah, you, too.
-And this is Gretchen.
-So, you're the fourth.
-Yeah.
Well, you're lucky
we saved you a seat.
Or else you'd be sitting
next to Norman Fisher.
Ugh.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, don't look.
Philip Leroy just walked in.
I was praying so hard
he'd be in our class.
Who's Philip Leroy?
Take a guess.
Is that our teacher?
Her? (GIGGLES) No.
That's Laura Danker.
Stay away from her, okay?
My brother says that
she goes behind the A&P
with him and Moose
-and lets them feel her up.
-(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
-(DOOR CLOSES)
-(MAN CLEARS THROAT)
Good morning, class.
(CHUCKLES)
First, let me
introduce myself.
I am Mr. Benedict.
And I'm your new
sixth grade teacher.
Please complete
the following sentences
so we can get to know each
other a little better, yeah?
Now, I'll begin, just to
start things off for you guys.
I love that I'm finally
getting to be a teacher
for the first time.
I hate...
feeling self-conscious
trying not to feel
self-conscious because
then you only feel
more self-conscious
and then you're blabbing
in front of
a whole bunch of kids. Um...
I'm looking forward to
the year with you all.
Okay, uh, your turn.
(WHISPERING) Pass it on.
(GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING)
Yes. Okay.
Can any of you go in here?
Ugh, no.
Back in the box.
Okay. All right. Enough.
Enough, enough, enough.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
-Hello?
-Guess who?
Oh. Sylvia, hi. Um...
-Margaret's not home yet.
-It's 3:32.
Yeah?
You said she's out at 3:15
and the walk is ten minutes.
Yes, I did say that.
But, well...
I'm sure she'll be
walking through that door
any minute now.
Well...
Okay. I guess I'll just wait.
Okay.
So, how are you?
I am fine. I'm good. Yes.
-And how are you?
-Oh, fine.
I read that when you don't
have any loved ones around
your life expectancy
drops drastically,
but, you know,
I've had a good run.
(LAUGHS)
You have.
You really have. Um...
Margaret is here.
Just a second.
-It's Grandma.
-Oh. Where's the Band-Aids?
Mmm.
-Grandma!
-Honey!
How's New Jersey?
Are you okay?
You can tell me the truth.
You know,
it's actually not that bad.
Well, that's great news!
Wonderful news.
Anyway, I was thinking
that you could come visit
the weekend after next.
I'll get tickets to a show.
You can stay overnight,
we'll have
a little slumber party.
That could be fun, right?
Oh, I'd love that.
Oh, I knew you would. Great.
And I'll tell your mother
it was your idea.
-Okay?
-Okay.
-Bye. Bye.
-Bye, sweetheart.
-Bye. (LAUGHS)
-Love you.
Hey, Mom, can I go Nancy's?
Right now?
But you just got home.
I haven't even heard
about your day yet.
-I know, but can I go?
-Can I have one word?
Ugh... Uh?
Is that a word?
-Can I go? Bye.
-Yes, yes, okay, go.
-I love you. Bye!
-Bye!
NANCY: Freddy was like,
"Boom, boom, look at me!"
He's like,
"Make up your mind!"
-She wants attention.
-Obviously.
I know.
With her "boobala joobeelee."
-(LAUGHS)
-Hi!
We were talking about
Laura Danker again.
Yeah. And how she got
even bigger over the summer.
Yeah, she looked so grown up.
NANCY: You know she's worn
a bra since fourth grade?
And I bet you a dollar
she gets her period, too.
GRETCHEN: Well,
I know for sure
someone in the school does.
-How?
-I always check the bins.
-You know those little bins
in the stall?
-Mmm.
All right. Let's get down
to business, huh?
-First of all...
-Thanks.
...this secret club
is a secret.
Nobody tells anybody
what happens here,
-all right?
-Duh.
NANCY: Second, if you want
to be in the club,
then you have to
follow the rules.
What kind of rules?
(SIGHS) Well, I don't know.
I'm thinking of them.
Don't rush me. Hmm.
Oh, I have one.
If you want to be in the club,
then you have to wear a bra.
GRETCHEN: I have one.
If you guys get your period,
you have to tell us about it.
-Yes.
-GRETCHEN: Immediately.
Every detail.
Especially how it feels.
GRETCHEN: Mmm-hmm.
JANIE: Ooh, mine is,
we can make a Boy Book
and write down the names
of the boys that we like.
Mmm-hmm!
What about you, Margaret?
What's your rule?
Um...
Yeah, with the Boy Books,
we have to show them
to each other at every meeting
and we can't ever lie.
-All right.
-(GIGGLES)
NANCY: Let's get
this party rolling.
(SOUL MUSIC PLAYING)
GRETCHEN: Whoo!
(BARBARA EXHALES)
Okay, honey.
(SIGHS)
All right. Mmm. (KISSES)
See you tomorrow.
I want to get a bra.
Oh.
You... You think you need one?
Oh, no. Oh, honey.
I'm so sorry.
No, I just mean that, uh...
Bras are kind of a pain,
so you know, why start sooner
than you need to?
But if you want one,
we... we can get you one.
Well, yeah.
So you want one?
Yes. I already said that.
Right. Okay.
Great. Well, all right.
Well, then, we will do that.
-This week?
-Yes. Good night.
Good night. Good night,
my sweet. Okay.
MARGARET: So glad
that's over with, God.
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)
(PARENTS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
WOMAN: I'm sorry.
Hold on, just a moment.
Are you here
for the PTA meeting?
Oh, yes. Hi, hi.
I'm Barbara Simon.
Oh, Barbara! I'm Jan Wheeler.
Nancy's mother.
-I met Margaret.
-Oh, oh.
We're just about to get
started, so please come in.
-Have a seat.
-Okay, thank you.
-All right.
-Just anywhere is fine?
-Here. Just right here.
-Okay, okay.
Here we go.
Thank you all for coming.
Delano is nothing without
its dedicated parents.
Let's dive right in
and get started
the way we do every year,
by forming our committees.
First up,
we have the Campus
Improvement Committee.
Any volunteers?
Ooh. Okay.
Oh. Wonderful.
Uh-huh. Barbara,
I got you. Okay.
Next, the Delano
Social Committee.
Sure, yeah. Okay.
-Okay.
-(LAUGHS LIGHTLY) Great.
All right.
The Fundraising Committee.
Good for you, Barbara.
This is going to be great.
All right, pencils down.
Kindly pass
your worksheets forward.
How'd you do, Margaret?
MARGARET: I think
I did pretty good.
All right, uh...
Before the bell,
I want to share some news
that I think will make you all
very happy.
(CHUCKLES) Now that you all
are in the sixth grade,
you'll get to do a full,
year-long research project.
-(STUDENTS GROANING)
-Yes!
BOY: The worst.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
Margaret, I would like
to talk to you
for a moment after class.
Uh-oh.
What'd you do, Margaret?
-Hi.
-Please have a seat.
So basically,
I'm just having little chats
with each student in advance
of your research projects
to answer any questions
or perhaps guide you
toward a topic of choice.
Oh.
And I read your
getting-to-know-you paper.
And I noticed
under the "I hate" section,
you wrote
"religious holidays."
Which I... I found curious.
If you don't want to share,
you don't...
You don't have to, Margaret.
Oh, no. It's just, um...
I guess I just
don't like those holidays
because I don't
celebrate any of them.
My dad is Jewish
and my mom's Christian,
so instead of picking
which religion I am, uh,
they just decided
that I wouldn't have one
and I can choose
when I grow up.
And have you
given that much thought?
Not really. My grandma
wants me to be Jewish.
And your other grandparents
want you to be Christian,
I imagine.
I don't know.
I've never met them before.
They live in Ohio.
So you've never met them
at all?
-No.
-Oh.
Well, if I may suggest it,
I feel like
"religion" could be
a very compelling
research topic for you.
SYLVIA: (ON PHONE)
Tickets are tenth row,
dead center, very hard to get.
-Tell her that.
-BARBARA: I will.
-Is she excited?
-She's excited.
Well, I mean, is she excited
or is she just excited?
She's excited.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, I'll
let you go. Well, I'm excited!
-Okay, bye.
-Bye.
MARGARET: Hey.
-Hey.
-What happened to the couch?
Uh, it's time to turn over
a new leaf.
I was thinking
maybe something modern?
I don't know. I have to think
about it. How was school?
You're home a little later
than usual, huh?
Yeah.
Hey. How come I've never met
your mom or dad?
Um...
Well, what made you
think about that?
Just wondering.
I mean, I know
that we don't see them
because they're
so far away,
but why don't we
even talk to them?
We just, we just don't.
It's, uh... It's, um...
It's such a long story.
What do you mean?
I mean,
I'll tell you another time.
Why can't you just
tell me now?
(SIGHS)
Um...
(SIGHS) I just...
Look, I just...
Uh...
So, um...
We don't see
my parents because, um...
They don't want to.
What?
My mom and dad are very,
very devout Christians, and...
before you were born,
when your dad
and I first fell in love,
um, they told me that
it would be very hard for them
to, uh, have a...
Sorry.
Jewish son-in-law.
They told me it would be
very hard for them
to have a Jewish son-in-law.
And that
if I wanted to marry him,
that was my business, but
I wouldn't be
their daughter anymore.
But you are their daughter.
Mmm-hmm. (SNIFFLES) I guess,
um, what I mean is that, um...
They just didn't want me
in their life anymore.
So, I'm not.
-(VOICE BREAKING) Mom.
-It's okay. Oh, honey.
(MOANS)
It was a long time ago.
I have you guys.
Okay, you know what?
I took Dad to the station
so we could have the car
because we're supposed to
go shopping, remember?
Remember? Bras?
Whoo-hoo.
MARGARET: Are you there, God?
It's me, Margaret.
(SIGHS)
I can't believe this.
What kind of parents
would do that?
And blame it on religion?
God, please
take care of my mom.
She's a good person.
-She's nice to everyone.
-You're welcome.
MARGARET: Even when
she doesn't need to be.
-Thank you.
-Can't forget about you.
MARGARET: I don't know
why this happened.
But please, somehow,
make it all okay.
And here are the bras.
MARGARET: Oh, also,
I'm getting a bra today.
I'd like something
to put in it, please.
Excuse me.
Uh, we're looking for a bra
for my daughter.
Hmm. Well, we don't have
many that small.
But come with me, dear,
I'll measure you.
Arms up, dear.
Hmm.
Barely a 28.
Not even a double-A.
Your best bet
is going to be to go with
-one of these Gro-Bras here.
-It's okay.
So, one day, when you do grow,
it'll grow with you.
Okay. Thank you very much.
-WOMAN: Sure.
-Thanks, we'll just
go try it on.
-Um...
-Hmm? Oh.
Yeah. Can I just...
I'll just... Yep.
Here we go.
(SIGHS) This is
always the tough bit.
I can't even do this
to this day.
Okay. All right. Can I see?
-How's that feel?
-I cannot wait to take it off.
Yeah. Welcome to womanhood.
(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(CHILDREN YELLING)
Oh, hello.
Hello.
Look at you. Working the land.
Heavy machinery, ouch.
Be better if I take
my shirt off or it's too much?
Not for me.
-(ENGINE STARTS)
-Ooh.
There it is, yeah.
You ever been kissed
in the suburbs?
-No, sir.
-(CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
I'm Laura Danker.
What's your name?
-(HERB SCREAMS)
-(MUSIC STOPS)
God damn it! (GROANS)
BARBARA: Oh, my God. Oh,
my God. Did you lose a finger?
It does say,
"Stop the engine motor
"before cleaning the mower,
unclogging the chute."
Whose side are you on?
Well, no, you turn off
the motor before you...
I'm fine.
You have to
turn the motor off, Dad.
(LAWN MOWER RUNNING)
NANCY: Well, time for
Boy Books, everyone.
Who wants to go first?
Like it matters.
We all already know
who everyone put down.
ALL: Philip Leroy!
NANCY: He's so cute.
GRETCHEN: It's been the same
since second grade.
Well, he looks
better this year.
-GRETCHEN: Really?
-Yes. He must have gone
-to the beach or something.
-He doesn't look
-any different.
-Who'd you put down, Margaret?
-Yeah, I put him, too.
-(CHUCKLES)
All right, well,
that was quick.
Now it's time to check
for the bras.
-(BRA STRAP SNAPS)
-Gretchen has a bra.
Janie has a bra.
Margaret has a bra. Huh.
Now, let's go around
and tell our sizes.
Well, mine didn't say
it had a size.
It just said it was a Gro-Bra.
Yeah, I got that one, too.
Oh, same here.
NANCY: Well, not me.
I'm a 32, double-A.
If you want to get out
of those small bras,
you're going to have to do
the same exercising
technique I do.
-There's an exercise?
-NANCY: Of course there is.
You hold your arms
out like this
and you say, "I must, I must,
I must increase my bust.
"I must, I must,
I must increase my bust."
-Does that really work?
-I'm living proof.
Now come on, get up.
Get up! Get up! Get up!
You'll see. Get up.
I must, I must,
I must increase my bust.
ALL: I must,
I must increase my bust.
Chin up!
ALL: We must, we must,
we must increase our bust.
We must, we must,
we must increase our bust.
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
"We must, we must,
-"we must increase our bust."
-(GIRLS SHRIEKING)
Shut up! You're so stupid!
-Shut up!
-EVAN: I can feel it working!
(YELLS) Mom!
BARBARA: Grandma said
she'll pick you up
right where you pull in.
-Yes.
-I don't want you to talk to
anybody on the bus.
-Especially men.
-Right.
And you find a nice seat
by yourself...
-Okay. Okay, Dad.
-...by the bus driver.
Um, excuse me, sir,
this young lady,
she's traveling
by herself today
and I was just wondering if
you could keep an eye on her?
-DRIVER: Sure, lady.
-Mom, come on.
Okay, good bye. Good bye.
-It's going to be fun. Bye.
-Bye!
-Okay. Have fun.
-See ya.
Right there, right there!
HERB: Good.
BARBARA: There you go.
-See ya!
-Independence is good, right?
MARGARET: Are you there, God?
It's me, Margaret.
I'm a little nervous,
actually, about being alone,
so can you just
not let anything
really horrible happen?
Oh, good. That makes me feel
a little better.
(BUS BRAKES HISS)
You know, maybe I will do
my school project on religion.
I think it's finally time
for me to decide
what to be, God.
You wouldn't mind, would you?
I'll tell you all about it.
And I promise
I won't make any decisions
without you first.
(AMUSING MUSIC PLAYING)
(BUS BRAKES HISS)
I am the very model
Of a modern Major-General
I've information vegetable
Animal, and mineral
I know the kings of England
And I quote
The fights historical...
Grandma!
Darling, you made it.
Oh, look at you!
You look gorgeous.
So do you. Your hair's red.
Yes, everybody thinks
I'm a showgirl.
Come on, we'll drop your bag
with the doorman
and then, we're gonna scoot
to the Delacorte.
With many cheerful facts
About the square
Of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts
About the square
Of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts
About the square
Of the hypotenuse
(AUDIENCE CHUCKLES)
Then I can write a washing
Bill in Babylonic cuneiform
And tell you every detail
Of Caractacus's uniform
In short, in matters
Vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model
Of a modern Major-General
In short, in matters
Vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model
Of a modern Major-General
SYLVIA: Wait, a minute. Okay.
You should always
put your hand lotion on
last thing at night.
And then, some ladies
put gloves on
over that to sleep in.
-You know why?
-(GIGGLING) No.
Okay. You have to promise
not to tell anybody this,
what I'm going to
tell you now.
-Okay? Okay, swear?
-Okay. I swear.
So, I actually did this.
I got a really
fabulous hand cream
and I bought these
white gloves
-and I put them on. All right.
-Oh!
No, I did, I did. And so,
I'm lying there, like,
I must've been asleep,
and you know,
and I must've gone like this
and I was, like,
"Ah! Who's in here?"
(LAUGHING) Because I couldn't
feel my own hands.
-(BOTH LAUGHING)
-I was frightened.
Oh, God. You are a fab...
I had the best time tonight.
-It was amazing.
-You are a great date, toots.
Oh, my gosh. You are.
(SIGHS) Lordy, Lordy.
Before I forget,
if you hear, like, a (SNORES)
or a (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
it's not me.
Okay? You're just dreaming
and you're dreaming.
All right?
Okay. Sweet dreams.
(SYLVIA SIGHS)
Hey, Grandma.
Yeah, sugar.
Do you think maybe I could go
to the temple
with you sometime?
(GASPS) You bet you can.
Really? Really?
Yeah.
We'll go in the morning.
I got to find what to wear.
MAN: Welcome.
-Welcome.
-My granddaughter
is here with me today.
Shabbat Shalom.
My granddaughter.
My granddaughter.
There's the rabbi.
He's the best in the city.
Two hours, in and out,
bing, bang, boom.
Welcome, dear friends.
Oh, it's starting.
Shabbat Shalom.
CONGREGATION: Shabbat Shalom.
Shabbat Shalom
means "hello," "goodbye,"
"peace and harmony,"
and other stuff.
RABBI: ...in thanks to God
this morning.
We open our prayer books
and we turn to page 26.
(RABBI READING IN HEBREW)
(WOMAN SINGING IN HEBREW)
Agree to the terms
of their covenant with God.
CONGREGATION: Shabbat Shalom.
Oh, that was lovely.
Oh!
Oh, sweetheart.
Congratulations.
Mazel tov. (CHUCKLES)
MARGARET: I don't know, God.
The people seem nice
and I like the music,
but I guess I expected
something else?
I don't know what exactly.
A feeling, maybe?
I can't believe
that she took you to temple
without even asking us.
I'm honestly surprised
it took her so long.
I told you guys
that it was my idea.
I just wanted to try it out.
I'm going to try church, too,
Mom, so don't freak out.
I don't care about church.
I don't want you
to go to church.
I don't think you should be
bothering yourself
with any of this stuff
right now.
You said that I can choose my
own religion when I grow up.
Yeah, when you grow up.
When you're an adult.
I'm almost 12.
-That's almost an adult.
-(LAUGHING) Honey, no.
-Margaret. (SIGHS) Honey.
-(OVEN DINGS)
I shouldn't have laughed.
-It was funny.
-I just...
I don't want her to go through
any of it.
I don't either. But it might
not be the worst thing.
Think about it.
What does that mean?
Well...
she'll go to a couple of
endless services
and then, she'll realize
how lucky she was
we never made her go.
Know what got me off
going to temple?
-What?
-Going to temple.
You don't understand
a word they're saying.
And you sit there
for a long time.
Oh, honey. Oh.
-What?
-I am so sorry. I am...
-What?
-I swear I'm going to
buy the furniture.
This is all I need.
Look at it. And look...
Oh, God!
Find me a couch
that does this.
-(LAUGHING)
-Okay?
You know how ugly the ceiling
in our gymnasium is?
-It is.
-Yes, it is.
We'll have it refinished,
paint it completely black
and then we'll cut out
little stars
and recreate the night sky.
(WOMEN EXCLAIM)
-Oh, that's sweet.
-How lovely.
So how many stars
would we need?
Oh, I was thinking five
or 10,000.
(WOMEN EXCLAIM AND CHUCKLE)
MRS. WHEELER:
It shouldn't take us long.
I've got some
scissors right here.
Okay. (LAUGHS)
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)
Promenade right.
Now, single file.
And that's it. Yeah!
-(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
-All right, great.
It's the effort that counts.
Have a good evening.
-I'm so glad this is done.
-Yeah, that sucked.
-It took forever.
-Norman's horrible.
(GIGGLING)
(WHISPERING) Guys.
Gretchen got the book.
-(WHISPERING) What book?
-NANCY: You know...
My dad's anatomy book
that I told you about?
It looks like a thumb.
-What?
-(ALL LAUGHING)
-Oh.
-It's so saggy.
(ALL LAUGHING)
It's a wobbly blob.
My brother's looks like that.
-Ew.
-How do you know?
He walks around naked.
I see it.
It's not a pleasant sight.
I never want to see
anyone naked,
or have anyone see me naked.
It's just gross.
Come on. What about
when you get married?
Especially then.
Janie, once you grow a little,
you'll want the whole world
to see you.
Just like the girls
in Playboy.
What girls in Playboy?
-You've never seen...
-BOTH: Playboy?
-(BOTH GIGGLING)
-Where would I see it?
My dad gets Playboy.
Wait. So you have a copy here,
in this house?
Well, I don't know
where it is.
Of course you know
where it is.
Go on.
-I don't know.
-NANCY: Margaret, come on.
-Go get it.
-Go get it, Margaret.
WOMAN: (ON TV) You don't want
to overcook
and you don't want to
start cooking
the bouillabaisse
until just the last minute,
because you've got your...
Look how round they are.
Mine just look like
little wizard hats.
(ALL GIGGLING)
"Hillary Brite
is a 19-year-old
"who loves water-skiing,
horses and going out
"to the mall
for an Orange Julius."
Do you think any of us
will look like that
when we're 19?
ALL: We must, we must,
we must increase our bust!
We must, we must,
we must increase our bust!
(UPBEAT GOSPEL MUSIC PLAYING)
CHOIR: Jesus
Jesus
-Hey, God
-Jesus
I'm gonna tell everybody
Not to be afraid...
MARGARET: I don't know
if I got the feeling, God,
but I'm sure in a good mood.
SINGER:
The kingdom of Jesus
Has come
(CHEERY CHRISTMAS
MUSIC PLAYING)
(SHOVELING SNOW)
(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY)
(INDISTINCT MUSIC
PLAYING ON RADIO)
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
(HUMMING SOFTLY)
(SIGHS)
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
(COUNTRY MUSIC CONTINUES)
Hey, what are you doing?
Are those Christmas cards?
Uh, New Year's cards.
Um, I'm trying to get
on top of it this year.
-Yeah.
-Um, oh, there's the mailman.
-Can you...
You've got your boots on?
-Yeah.
-Can you just run those
out to him?
-Sure.
-Thank you, honey.
-Of course.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
Norman Fisher?
BARBARA: So,
who's Norman Fisher?
This weird kid in my class.
I don't even know
why he invited me.
I barely know him.
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
-Hello?
-Did you get invited
to stupid Norman Fisher's
birthday party?
Yeah. You did, too?
Everyone did. The whole class.
Janie, Gretchen, everyone.
Even Philip Leroy.
-Even Laura Danker?
-I said everybody.
Anyways, my mom
talked to Norman's mom
and I guess it's
a big deal dinner party.
We have to look
extremely nice.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Ow!
Ready? Lean on back.
No. No, no, no.
Where are my shoes?
Oh, my God!
Mom!
JANIE'S MOTHER: There we go.
Oh, this is gonna look
so pre... Stop moving!
-We are done.
-Yes!
Okay, we're done.
Come on. Mom.
MRS. POTTER: Perfect. One more
for your body. One more.
Okay, let's go. Mom, no!
MRS. POTTER: Okay. Wait.
One more time. Please.
I'm going
to get these printed.
-It's weird.
-Okay, here. Just push them...
Lick them with your fingers
and stick it back.
You got to go, you got to go.
(GIRLS CHEERING)
Bye! Thank you, Jan.
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
GRETCHEN: My God,
I am so excited
for all of us to do this.
(CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)
(MUZAK PLAYING)
All right, I'll just, um...
-Just, just...
-NORMAN'S MOTHER: Okay.
I'll just... Yeah, okay.
Have fun.
(70S POP MUSIC
PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
(BLOWS)
He's hilarious.
How come she never
talks to anybody?
I don't know.
Because she's too busy
doing other stuff, that's why.
(GIGGLING)
(SPOON CLANKING ON GLASS)
Now, if everybody's
had enough to eat,
we can start the games.
The games?
(GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING)
NORMAN: I'll spin first.
(CHILDREN GIGGLING)
ALL: Ooh!
(GIGGLES)
Okay. Now,
it's Janie's turn to spin.
(ALL LAUGHING)
-This is a great party.
-Do we have to play this game?
Well then, let's play
a different game, huh?
I have one. It's called
Two Minutes in the Closet.
What's that?
Well, we all get a number,
and then somebody will
call out, like, number six
and then those two
will go into the closet
and, you know...
ALL: Ooh!
Number three.
Who's number three?
Somebody's got to be
number three.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Go ahead. Into the bathroom.
Somebody get Freddy
a step stool.
(ALL LAUGH)
What do you think
they're doing?
-(SHUSHING)
-I'm sorry.
(BATHROOM DOOR OPENS)
ALL: Ooh!
You're next.
I pick number... 12.
What?
You're 12?
ALL: Ooh!
(SOUL MUSIC PLAYING)
Nice.
Sorry.
Margaret, turn around.
Um...
So...
Hi.
Hey.
So...
(PHILIP CHUCKLES)
(KISSES)
(DOOR OPENS)
(CHILDREN CHEERING)
(HYMN PLAYING ON ORGAN)
NANCY: So, the kiss
was really good?
They were
pretty good kisses. Yeah.
Kisses? He kissed you
more than once?
Like, how many times?
About five, I think.
I don't know.
I think I lost count.
I know I shouldn't be
enjoying this, God,
but it's just too good.
Sorry, sorry,
I'm going to focus.
(ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)
The Book of Isaiah,
chapter nine,
verses six and seven says,
"For unto us a child is born.
Unto us, a son is given
"and he will be called
Wonderful Counselor,
"Mighty God,
Everlasting Father"
MARGARET: If only you could
give me a hint, God.
(PRIEST CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
I'm more confused than ever.
Which religion should I be?
Sometimes I just wish
I'd been born
one way or the other.
(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
Hi, there.
This is Barbara calling,
from Delano Elementary School.
And we're just
looking for, uh... donations.
Sorry.
Oh, God. I didn't realize
it was dinner.
Okay. Bye-bye.
(SIGHS)
-(BIRD CHIRPING OUTSIDE)
-(GASPS)
(GASPS)
(SOFTLY) Hi.
(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGHS)
Don't go, don't go, don't go.
(BIRD CONTINUES CHIRPING)
I can't believe
you're still there. Okay.
Okay.
-(DOORBELL RINGS)
-(GASPS)
No.
Jan.
I just popped by
to pick up your stars.
Yes. Um...
Uh, I've been cleaning.
Come on in.
Um, I'll just,
uh, get the stars.
Um, they're,
they're almost, uh, ready.
You know,
I ordered furniture and, um,
-they still haven't sent it.
-Oh, my gosh.
So crazy. Okay, stars. Um...
Stars. Stars. Stars.
(GIGGLES)
Thank you.
Oh, and don't say anything,
but Deb's stars
are a little lopsided.
Oh.
You know, yours are so good.
Thank you.
You think you could do
her allotment, too?
Just between the two of us?
(STUTTERING) Sure... Yes.
Ah. Thank you.
You are such a doll. (LAUGHS)
Well, I better get going.
There's lots to do still.
-I'll get the door there.
-Thank you.
Okay.
Okay, bye.
Thank you for these.
Bye, Jan. Sure, anytime.
(GROANS)
Hello, girls.
I'm Mrs. Webster.
And I am here
to speak to you today
about your changing bodies.
Told you this was
the big sex movie.
MRS. WEBSTER:
Some of you may have
already begun
to experience these changes.
While others of you still
haven't experienced
a single change at all.
We're going to watch
a short film
to learn a little bit more.
(GIRLS MURMURING)
(PROJECTOR WHIRRING)
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC PLAYING)
FEMALE NARRATOR: (OVER SCREEN)
All girls are unique.
But sometime, between the ages
of nine and 16
one very special thing
happens to every girl,
menstruation.
Once a month, a velvety lining
of blood and tissue
forms in her uterus
to make a warm,
nutritious place
for a baby to grow.
If a baby is not conceived,
the lining is not needed.
And so, the blood is released
through the vag*na.
That's menstruation.
Who do you think
will get it first?
(CHUCKLES) Who do you think
will get it last?
(GIGGLING)
I honestly don't know
what's taking me so long
to get this dumb furniture.
I guess I just want our house
to look like one of those
nice little houses
nice little families have.
Do you like these egg chairs?
When did you get your period?
Um...
Just tell me how old you were.
I... I think I was 14?
That late?
That's not late, actually.
I mean, I had a cousin
who was 16.
Sixteen? Oh, my God.
(STUTTERING) I'd...
I'd die if I didn't get it
before I was 16.
Honey, you will get it
exactly when
you're supposed to get it.
Don't worry about it.
NANCY: My mom got me
Radio City tickets
since I got all straight A's.
Um, does anybody want to come?
Only bad thing is, is my
brother and Moose are coming.
-Oh, I'll go.
-Okay.
I got it.
Got what?
My period.
(MARGARET GASPS)
I just don't really understand
how you got it first
when I have way more than you.
Well, that doesn't
mean anything.
-Yes, it does, Gretchen.
-Okay, just tell us
-how it happened.
-Start from
the very beginning.
Well, I was sitting there
at dinner
eating my meatloaf
and I felt something
coming out of me.
So I went to the bathroom,
pulled down my pants and
that's when I saw the blood.
So I called my mom
and I showed her.
And (SIGHS) she got some
"sanitary napkins,"
as she calls them.
I put one on and...
Well, that's the whole thing.
That's the whole thing?
Just that?
-I told you everything.
-NANCY: No.
There has to be
something more.
My sister said
that it kinda has a smell.
But I haven't
noticed that yet.
A smell? Like what?
She said it kinda smells
like the monkey bars.
-The monkey bars? Ugh.
-GRETCHEN: Yeah.
I used to love
the monkey bars.
But do you feel older now?
Like more mature?
Oh, yeah.
I don't know how to explain it
and you won't understand it
till you get it,
but I feel like
everything's changed.
Are you there, God?
It's me, Margaret.
I've never been
so jealous my entire life
and I hate myself
for being jealous.
Just please,
please just let me grow
and let me get my period.
Let me just be normal
and regular like everybody else.
Just please, please,
please, please, please,
please, please!
Amen.
(MUZAK PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)
JANIE: I don't know
if I want to do this.
It's fine.
It's just so that we're ready.
Just in case.
Come on.
Okay.
WOMAN: Next in line, please.
Please, God, let it be a lady.
Please.
Thank you.
(BOTH SIGH IN RELIEF)
-Hey, there.
-WOMAN: Hey.
-No...
-Let's just put them back.
No, come on. Come on.
(BELT WHIRRING)
(BELT SQUEAKING)
(BELT CONTINUES WHIRRING)
-Oh, my God!
-Oh!
(SIGHS)
-The Tic Tacs!
-(LAUGHS)
-Why the Tic Tacs?
-I don't know.
-Everything worked out.
-Oh, man.
(LIGHT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
-(KNOCK AT DOOR)
-Uh, come in.
-Hi.
-Hey.
Uh, you've got a postcard.
-Oh. Thanks.
-Who's in D.C.?
Uh, Nancy. Uh, they went
for President's Day.
-Oh.
-Yeah.
Okay.
-You want the door closed?
-Yeah. Sure.
"I got it"?
Oh, come on!
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Hello? Simon residence.
Sylvia speaking.
MARGARET: (ON PHONE) Grandma?
Margaret? What's wrong?
I just really miss you.
Oh, honey.
Me, too.
I'll be back next week
to see the Rockettes and...
maybe could I come down
and stay the night
like we did last time?
Oh, sweetheart.
I'd love to, I'd love...
But I...
Well...
I'm going to be
in Florida then.
I, uh, I heard about
this hotel
and there's a lot of people
my age there and, uh...
Um, okay.
Wait a minute. Wait. Um...
What if you
fly down to Florida
and spend a few days with me?
-Isn't your spring break soon?
-Yeah. The end of April.
Perfect! I'll still be there.
I'll ask Mom and Dad.
Oh, great!
That's my girl. Bye, darling.
(SIGHS)
NANCY: Come on, come on!
Front row tickets!
-Front row tickets, remember?
-I'm coming! Yes, coming!
(SHOW MUSIC PLAYING)
I'm so excited.
Hi.
-Hi.
-Hey.
(SHOW MUSIC CONTINUES)
-Excuse me.
-Okay.
Thank you.
(MOOSE MUTTERING)
(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING
ON SPEAKERS)
Sorry. Lefty.
Oh, no, it's okay.
Do you know if
the waiter's anywhere?
Oh. You can have mine.
I didn't drink any out of it.
Thanks.
Hey.
Do you know something
I've always liked
about you, Margaret?
-No?
-Come with me.
I got to go to the bathroom.
We'll be right back.
Don't touch my food.
You know, I've had to go
since we got here...
(URINATING)
...and then I drank, like,
three 7Ups or something.
Uh-huh.
(FINISHES URINATING)
Oh, no.
-Oh, no.
-What?
Oh, please. Oh, no.
Nancy?
Oh, no.
Nancy, what's wrong?
Go get my mom, Margaret.
-What's going on?
-Go get my mom.
-Please, quick.
-Let me in.
Please, please just
go get my mom!
Okay, okay,
I'll be right back.
Mrs. Wheeler, Nancy's crying.
She needs you.
Oh, oh. All right.
Nancy?
-Nancy?
-Oh, Mom, please help me.
-Please help me. Please.
-The door's locked, Nancy.
I can't get in.
You have to unlock it.
-I can't open it, I can't.
-Yes, you can, Nancy.
Unlock this door. Come on.
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
Let me in.
(SNIFFLES)
What's going on?
(SOBS)
All right, all right,
calm down.
Calm down, I can't help you.
Hmm? Hey, look at me.
Calm down.
I can't help you if you don't
stop crying and talk to me.
Hey. What is it?
(WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY)
Oh. Well, all right. Um...
Here. We'll just, uh...
Margaret?
Margaret.
Would you get Nancy
a pad, please
from the dispenser
on the wall?
She got her period, sweetie.
Does she always act like that?
Well, it's her first time.
She's just a little scared.
Thank you, sweetie.
All right. Yeah?
All right.
Well, you girls wash up.
I'm going to go tell
the others not to worry.
Not too long now. Okay?
MARGARET: Are you there, God?
It's me, Margaret.
I don't even know what to say.
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
I'm going to Florida?
-Happy birthday.
-Mom. Thank you so much.
Hey!
-Happy birthday.
-Thank you.
Why do we have
different seats?
He said we're in groups
to study different countries.
Oh. Hey.
Hey. Happy birthday.
-Thanks.
-Oh, and, uh,
-I got you something.
-Ow!
It's a pinch to grow an inch.
And you know where
you need that inch. Hey.
MARGARET: Are you there, God?
It's me, Margaret.
I hate Philip Leroy.
I hate him.
I hate Laura Danker, too!
With her big boobs.
"Ooh, look at me, everybody,
I'm wearing a sweater."
I hate Nancy. That liar!
And Norman Fisher,
the way that he reads
with his stupid lips
flapping everywhere!
Please. Please, just hurry up
and get me to Florida!
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
(SIGHS)
Philip and Norman
should be here.
They make us do all the work.
What time is your mom
picking you up?
Not till later.
I have to go to St. Thomas
for Confession first.
Confession?
It's just something you have
to do when you're Catholic.
What do you confess?
Things.
What kinds of things?
Never mind.
You're just copying straight
out of the World Book.
It's four words.
"Germany invaded
Belgium when..."
So, you're still cheating.
Mr. Benedict will know
if you're cheating.
I'm not cheating! Jeez!
(WOMAN SHUSHES)
Quit acting like
you know everything
and you're so great.
This has nothing to do
with being great.
I know all about the stuff
that you do.
What's that supposed to mean?
I heard about you
and Moose Freed.
What about me and Moose Freed?
Oh, how you and Evan and Moose
go behind the A&P.
And why would I do that?
I don't know why you do it.
But I know why they do it.
So they can feel you up
or something and you let them.
You're a liar. You're lying!
I'm not lying.
You're just like Nancy.
All you do is pick on people
and make up stories.
You think I don't know
about you and your friends?
Laura!
Wait. Please! Laura!
-Wait up. Please!
-You think I don't know
that all of you make fun of me
like it's some kind of game?
-It's not me.
-Do you think I want to be
the biggest kid in the class?
How would you feel if you were
to wear a bra in fourth grade
and everybody called you names
just because of
how you looked?
I don't know.
(SCOFFS)
Hey, wait. I really am sorry.
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
Laura?
Laura.
MARGARET: I'm the worst person
who ever lived, God.
I picked on Laura Danker
just because I felt mean.
I don't want to be like Nancy.
I don't even know if I want to
be friends with her anymore.
I've been
looking for you, God.
I looked for you in Temple,
I looked for you in Church...
I didn't feel you at all.
Why? Why, God?
Why do I only feel you
when I'm alone?
Yes, my child.
Do you have something
you'd like to confess?
Um...
(SIGHS)
I...
I did something really awful.
And...
I'm really sorry.
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
(SIGHS)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
HERB: "Dear Barbara,
"your letter felt like
an answer to prayer.
"Your father and I have been
thinking about you a lot.
"We're getting older and
suddenly, more than anything,
"we'd like to see
our only daughter
"and finally get to know our
granddaughter, Margaret Ann."
(HERB CLEARS THROAT)
"We're flying east next week,
"and we sincerely hope
you'll let us visit.
"Love, your mother,
Mary Hutchins."
(HERB CLEARS THROAT)
So you sent them a card?
I don't know why.
(HERB SIGHS)
Do you remember
what it was like
when they just cast you out?
Yes.
HERB: Do you?
Because I remember.
I know. I know.
How they treated you
was just...
-I know.
-How they treated me?
They think
you're going to hell
because you married a Jew.
Think about that.
I...
I know.
Do you really, really want to
open up that door?
We have a good life.
Yes. Yes.
I...
But what if this means...
they've changed?
And if they haven't?
They're my parents.
HERB: Mmm.
-The only ones I got.
-They are your parents.
Oh, God.
Oh, my goodness.
BARBARA: I'm sorry.
(HERB SIGHS)
What's going on?
BARBARA: Um...
-Oh.
-Oh, honey, um...
Uh...
We got a letter
from, um, from my parents,
from your grandparents.
And they're coming
to visit next week.
-Next... next week?
-HERB: Mmm-hmm.
They're really
excited to meet you.
I won't be here.
I'll be in Florida.
I'm still going to Florida,
aren't I?
-Margaret, look...
-No. What?
I can't even
go to Florida now?
Come on, I don't even
want to see them.
I want to see Grandma.
I know. I know and we will
make this up to you.
I promise, you will go
to Florida,
-just another time.
-No, I don't want
to go to Florida another time.
Does Grandma know about this?
No, not yet.
We have to call her.
Well, I'm not doing it.
You can do it yourself.
-No, of course. Of course.
-HERB: Let me handle that.
-No, I will...
-Please let me call. Please.
-(LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYING)
-MAN: To this beautiful day.
(PHONE RINGING)
Just one moment.
Don't eat all the cheese
without me.
(CHUCKLES)
I'm just kidding.
You eat as much as you want.
Depending on your cholesterol.
-(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)
-I'm sure it's low.
Simon residence.
HERB: (OVER PHONE)
Hi, Mom. Yes. Uh...
Herb?
Uh, Margaret's, uh, plan
to come to Florida next week
isn't going to work out.
I'm really sorry.
MARGARET: Just
give me the phone.
Hey, Grandma.
Margaret, what happened?
What's going on?
We...
We got a letter that my
other grandparents are coming.
And I just
really wanted to see you.
Put your mother
on the phone right now.
-Oh, no...
-BARBARA: It's okay.
Sylvia.
What the hell
is going on, Barbara?
Sylvia, I'm so very sorry
about this
and I will try and explain it
another time.
No. You're going to
explain right now.
I'm sorry, I have to...
I have to go.
MARGARET: Are you there, God?
It's me, Margaret.
-I'm absolutely miserable.
-I am so sorry.
MARGARET: Everything
is going wrong. Everything.
I'm begging you.
Make something happen
so that they don't come
and I can still go to Florida.
(HUFFS)
Please, Margaret.
Even if it's fake,
can you just look happy?
Or at least not so unhappy?
(BARBARA SIGHS)
Why do you
even want to see them?
After everything
that they did to you?
Because I want them to see
how great we've done.
I... And how proud
I am of our family.
-Hey! Hello.
-(BARBARA SIGHS)
That's them.
Okay.
Hi!
They might hug you,
I don't know.
Just be prepared.
(BARBARA CHUCKLES)
-Hi!
-Hello!
Hello. It's so nice
to see you.
Oh, you too, Barbara.
-Oh.
-(KISSES)
-Hi, honey.
-Oh.
-This must be Margaret Ann.
-BARBARA: Mmm-hmm.
(KISSES)
We're very glad to meet you.
-Yes, we are. Yes, we are.
-Me, too.
Um...
Bags! We'll get the bags.
Um, Herb is just out, uh,
with the car.
-Yeah, so... Okay.
-PAUL: Okay.
BARBARA:
Just out here to the right.
The blue car there. Yep.
HERB: Hey.
-Youse okay? Yeah?
-Yeah.
Mom, Dad, you remember Herb?
-Yeah. Hello, Herb.
-Hi.
-How are you?
-Okay.
-Hi. Nice to see you.
-Hello.
Um, should I...
I'll take this for you.
Oh.
HERB: All right.
Okay.
All right.
Should I put these up?
Oh, yes. Thank you.
Here we are.
Make yourselves comfortable.
-Lovely home.
-Yeah!
Thank you. Yes. Uh...
Okay. So, uh, Margaret, uh,
can you show them
to their room?
And, um, I'll just
get dinner started.
Sure. Um, up this way.
MARY: Gosh, you look
just like your mom
when she was your age.
MARGARET: Um, yeah. This way.
(BARBARA SIGHS)
-(EXHALES) Hi.
-Hey.
How are you doing?
Uh... How are you doing?
Um, I used up
all my small talk
-in the car.
-Oh, God.
Do they like sports? TV shows?
Game shows.
They used to watch game shows.
-Okay. Game shows, game shows.
-(DOORBELL RINGS)
HERB: Hmm.
Um, coming!
SYLVIA: Herb!
Mom!
Baby! Come give
your mom a big hug.
Oh.
-Oh. Look at your little face.
-Sylvia?
Yeah. My mom is here.
Uh, yes, she is.
What's happening?
Well, Margaret said
she needed to see me,
so we flew out from Florida.
Are your parents here yet?
Oh. This is Morris Binamin.
-Rhymes with cinnamon.
-(CHUCKLES)
-Hi.
-MARGARET: Grandma!
There's my Margaret!
(LAUGHING) Oh!
-BARBARA: Did you know?
-I had no... I know.
I missed you so much!
MARGARET: I thought
you were in Florida.
I know. Well,
Florida came to you.
-(CHUCKLES)
-Uh...
Mom, Dad, this is Sylvia.
Herb's mom.
Sylvia, this... These are
my parents, Paul and Mary.
Hello.
-Hello.
-(PAUL CHUCKLES)
We have pot roast.
SYLVIA: Sure.
(CUTLERY CLINKING)
PAUL AND HERB: Mmm.
-SYLVIA: Mmm.
-Oh, yeah.
-Dinner is delicious, Barbara.
-Oh, my God, yes.
-Oh.
-You have definitely improved.
-It is very nice.
-(LAUGHS) Thank you.
Well, I have to admit
it was a bit of a jolt, um,
but it's nice to have
everyone here together.
The whole family.
-And Mr. Binamin.
-(LAUGHS)
Nice to have you, too.
(ALL LAUGHING)
-L'chaim.
-L'chaim.
L'chaim. L'chaim.
L'chaim. L'chaim. L'chaim.
L'chaim. L'chaim.
-(MORRIS LAUGHING)
(BARBARA CLEARS THROAT)
So, um,
do you watch Jeopardy!?
MARY: I used to braid
your mama's hair
when she was a little girl.
Did your mom
ever braid your hair?
Um, yeah, she used to do it
all the time.
I can see she taught you how
to braid with your bracelet.
Yeah.
Oh, there's just so much
we want to get to know
about you, Margaret.
Twelve years is a lot
to catch up on.
Yeah. A long time.
So, uh, we were wondering...
Do you go to Sunday school?
Or, uh, have you ever
thought about it?
-Uh...
-Nope. Never. Not once.
We asked Margaret
the question, Sylvia.
Margaret?
Well, you're wasting your time
because Margaret went
to Temple and she's Jewish.
-(DISHES CLATTER)
-What did you say?
BARBARA: Excuse me.
Margaret went to Temple.
-Okay, Mom, you're done.
-What are you talking about?
HERB: Okay, that's it.
SYLVIA: Well,
you left the room
and they're
trying to convert her.
Well, Margaret has the right
to be baptized
if she wants to be.
-Baptized?
-PAUL: If she wants to be.
BARBARA: I can't believe this.
I can't believe
you're doing this.
HERB: All right. Everyone,
this discussion is over.
We're her parents
and this discussion is over.
Yeah, you're right, it's over,
because she's already Jewish.
-Sylvia!
-Well, in our eyes,
-she's Christian.
-No, no! Margaret is nothing!
(STUTTERING) Margaret is
not Jewish or Christian.
She is no religion
until she decides.
Well, how can she be Jewish
-if her mother is Christian?
-Stop.
You were never there for her.
You abandoned her.
What does it matter?
Do you think
that we wanted this?
(OVERLAPPING ARGUMENTS)
Stop it!
All of you, just stop it.
I don't care.
I don't care anymore.
It's all just
so stupid, religion!
Just stop fighting!
I... I don't want a religion.
-I don't care. I don't care!
-BARBARA: Margaret...
I don't even believe in God!
(DOOR SLAMS)
-Are you happy? Hmm?
-(BARBARA SNIFFLES)
-I'm so sorry. I did this.
-No, no, no. This is not...
-I am so sorry.
-No, this is not your fault.
This is not your fault.
Okay, this is not your fault.
No, that was everybody else.
That was not...
-Me.
-No, no, no.
(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
MARGARET: "Dear Mr. Benedict,
"what I learned about religion
is that it makes people fight.
"That every religion
says the same thing.
"If you pray to God,
he'll listen to you,
"and help you,
and make things better.
"But I've prayed and prayed
"and everything
just gets worse."
Okay. We'll call you.
MARGARET: "I don't know
anymore, but I think...
"that maybe the truth is...
"there's nobody up there.
"There's nobody listening.
"There's only just...
"me.
"Sincerely, Margaret Simon."
Margaret.
(EMOTIONAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(CRYING SOFTLY)
(INHALES)
(EXHALES SHAKILY)
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
-(SIGHS)
-(DOOR SHUTS)
-BARBARA: Hey.
-Hey.
Wait. Come here.
I don't really
feel like talking.
Yeah. I don't either.
But, um, I do want to say
sorry for how things went.
And I know that this past year
has not been easy.
Want to just sit for a minute?
Mmm, yeah. Good idea.
It gets tiring trying so hard
all the time, doesn't it?
Yeah.
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-One, two, three. Cheese!
-GIRLS: Cheese!
-Junior High! Whoo!
-(GRETCHEN CHEERING)
NANCY: Come on, everybody.
Margaret, come on!
Hey.
Thanks, Mr. Benedict.
You're a really good teacher.
Well, I wouldn't say all that.
You know,
still trying to iron out
some of the kinks.
No, you were really good.
I'm glad you felt that way.
(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey.
Do you want to come dance?
Really?
Yeah.
Yes! I knew it!
You basically already won.
GRETCHEN: You've been going
for ages.
-Ages, Gretchen?
-GRETCHEN: Can I please go?
NANCY: Gretchen, quit
complaining all the time.
I'm not complaining.
(CHEERING)
Nancy.
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
Come on, please?
GRETCHEN: I got it!
Really nice work
on the shading, Daniel.
Thank you.
I think maybe you could
put a wash here
just to blend that, but I...
It's beautiful.
-Oh. Hey, Barbara!
-Jan!
It's so funny to see you.
I was just gonna call you.
-Oh.
-Can you believe it,
about the stars?
-Oh, I know.
-Jeez.
Well, I guess everything
is a fire hazard these days.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Anyway, um,
we're getting
committees together
over at the Junior High
and I can think of
at least three
that you'd be perfect for.
Oh, Jan, that sounds great
and I'd love to, but, um...
I don't want to.
But thank you for asking me.
-Yeah.
-And, uh...
-Have a good day!
-Okay.
(SIGHS)
SYLVIA: I'm going to write you
so many letters.
So many letters,
the mailman's going to say,
"That's it! No more!"
(LAUGHING) Okay.
Oh. Have the best time, honey.
We'll see you
when you get back.
See you soon, sweetie.
-Have fun.
-Bye.
Love you. Bye!
-Okay. I think this is it.
-Got it?
-Then we just have to...
-HERB: Wait, wait, wait.
-...close it.
-Yeah.
-Camera, camera, camera.
-MARGARET: Oh, wait.
-Yes.
-HERB: All right.
BARBARA: Okay. Now, we just
have to close it.
-HERB: Sides. Check the sides.
-Okay, got it?
-HERB: Yeah, yeah. Step on it.
-Ready. Go.
-(GROANS IN PAIN)
-Oh, my God! Are you okay?
Whoo. Ah.
-Just kidding. (LAUGHS)
-Every time.
If it's there, I'll take it.
-Okay.
-HERB: Good stuff.
There it is.
Almost like
we've done it before.
-Yeah.
-(LAWN MOWER STARTS OUTSIDE)
BARBARA: Is it lawn day?
HERB: It is.
-We haven't paid him yet.
-BARBARA: We haven't.
No. And if you wanted to go
into the kitchen
and grab it...
Yeah. Yeah. Sure.
Hey. Hey, Moose.
(LAWN MOWER TURNS OFF)
Here. Dad says thanks.
Oh, thank you. Yeah.
Uh, well, have a good summer.
I won't be seeing you
for a while.
Oh, where you going?
Camp. New Hampshire. Yeah.
-Oh.
-Leaving today.
Well, have fun.
Thanks.
And, uh, I don't know.
Maybe we can hang out
when you get back?
Re... Really?
Yeah.
(LAWN MOWER STARTS)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
(SIGHS)
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC PLAYING)
(URINATING)
(MUSIC STOPS)
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Mom... Mom?
Mom! Mom!
What is it? What's wrong?
(SHAKILY) I got it.
I got my period.
What?
(GASPS)
-I got it, right?
-Yeah!
-(BOTH LAUGHING)
-Yeah. Yes.
(SOBS) Oh, my God.
(BOTH CRYING AND LAUGHING)
-I don't know why I'm crying.
-(BOTH LAUGH)
Oh, my goodness. Wow.
-Are you okay? Yeah?
-I'm fine. I'm fine.
-You feel...
-Yep, I'm fine.
Do you have any cramping or...
-No. No, no, no. No, I'm fine.
-No?
I can't believe
this is happening to you.
I don't believe it either.
You're a woman!
I'm a woman!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Okay, um...
Get down to business.
-We need pads.
-Yeah.
-Yeah, yeah.
-Yeah.
I actually bought you some.
-Really?
-I was going to sneak them
into your trunk at camp,
you know, just in case.
But, okay. One sec.
Be right there.
Okay. So...
Um, this is how they work.
-So you just put...
-I know how to do it.
I've been practicing
in my room for two months.
-(LAUGHING) What?
-Yeah.
-You have? Oh, my...
-Yes. Yes.
All right.
Well, then, you're, um...
You don't need me.
Yeah.
I'll be right out here. Okay.
(SIGHS)
(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(EXHALES)
(SIGHS)
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
(GIGGLES QUIETLY)
(SIGHS)
MARGARET: Are you
still there, God?
It's me, Margaret.
Thanks.
Thanks an awful lot.
(PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING)
Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. (2023)
Moderator: Maskath3