01x06 - Track 6: Fortunate Son

[bunniefuu]

- (ENGINE CLANGS)
- Whoa!

- (STEAM HISSES)
- Hey!

That's not good.

It's actually, like, totally great.

Too true.

'Cause when the van breaks down,
the band gets down.

- (ALL LAUGH)
- JANICE: Oh, wow.

Two, three, four!

(SIREN BLARES)

No, no. Uh-uh. No.
You're causing quite the jam here.

- Jammin's what we do.
- No, I mean...

(CAR HORNS HONKING)

- You gotta get movin'.
- After we're finished groovin'?

Do you take requests?

Two, three, four!

(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

LIPS: Previously on Muppets Mayhem...

- Hi. Can I help you?
- TINA: Hello.

I hope this is the right place.

We're lookin' for our son.

Mama?

Daddy?

TINA: We're here to bring you
on home, Junior. (CHUCKLES)

GERALD: Yep.

Well, we always wanted
to come to Cavity Con,

but the timin' was never right,

'cause the dental practice
was always just boomin'.

- Boom!
- (GASPS)

Boom! Enjoy.
These the best beignets in New Orleans.

- Ha-ha! Boom!
- JANICE: Okay. That's...

Well, hello, Floyd Pepper.

Ma'am.

Eat up. Y'all look like
a bunch of toothpicks. (CHUCKLES)

Anyway, imagine our surprise when we hear
they are givin' us the honor of honors,

The Million Smiles Award,
and it's happenin' here at the Cavity Con.

I'm so confused.

It's like an Oscar,
except for somethin' important.

The dental achievement of the century.

We're really here to get Junior to stop
wastin' his time with this music nonsense,

get him to take over our dental practice
like he promised

or break his mother's heart.

- Ain't that right, Gerald?
- Yep.

Who wants dental floss?
Floss-toss, floss-toss, floss-toss. Ha-ha!

- Show 'em how it's done.
- DR. TEETH: All right.

Put the floss between your teeth.
Up above and underneath.

- That's a rhyme for happy teeth, right?
- Yep.

What is happening?

All right. Off to the hotel.
Kisses to y'all.

(SMOOCHES)

Ma'am.

Floyd.

Hmph.

Wait, Dr. Teeth is an actual doctor?

Yep, our dear old Doc is a musical hero
of hearts and souls.

He's also a fully licensed
and accredited doctor of teeth.

So, yeah.

Uh, guys, is he okay?

JANICE: Oh, for sure not.

He's just having a vivid,
stress-induced flashback.

(OLDIES MUSIC PLAYING)

TINA: All aboard The Molar Express.
Who wants dental floss?

- Right, Gerald?
- Yep.

(HORN TOOTING)

But first, time for floss-toss.

Floss-toss.

- Junior...
- Hmm?

...go nab me some more free samples.
These kids are lovin' 'em!

All right, Mama.

(GUITAR STRUMMING)

Say, that's a catchy tune.

Well, thank you. I'm still learnin'.

Yeah, I cannot seem to get my finger
around the little string there,

but, say, do you play?

No, no.
Hey, but you know what I like to do?

- What's that?
- I sneak into the clubs on Bourbon Street.

- Yeah?
- And peek through the windows.

- Yeah?
- I always get caught. But, hey, it's...

- Yeah, it's free.
- Yeah.

Hey, well, you can pop in here anytime
to hear the tunes I'm tinkerin' on.

If you want. Like, this one I'm workin' on
goes like this.

(PLAYING GUITAR RIFF)

- (HARMONICA PLAYING)
- (GUITAR STOPS PLAYING)

- (CHUCKLES) Yeah!
- Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

No, no, no! Hey, consider it a gift.

You know,
because you slobbered it up and all.

- No, no. I can't.
- (LAUGHS) Sure, you can. You're a natural.

And thanks to you,
I think I got my bridge.

Let's take it from the top? Come on, now.
Two, three, four.

(BOTH PLAYING BLUES MUSIC)

Ha-ha! I love it!

- (GASPS) Junior. What are you doin'?
- (GASPS)

That mouth toy'll blow the enamel
right off your teeth.

- Tell him, Gerald.
- Yep.

That's my fault, ma'am.
Yeah, he was just holdin' it for me.

Well, you best take it back,

'cause this fine boy
is gonna be a doctor one day.

- Yes, ma'am.
- Let's go, baby.

Y'all have a nice one.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

- Thanks.
- Yeah. Hey, don't worry about it.

Future Doctor Man.

See you around.

Whoo!

Flashback.

- Are you okay?
- Who's feeling gumbo?

It's crawdaddin' time.

(EXCLAIMING LOUDLY)

Crawdadding? No.
I just got you guys back on track.

And now, we're off again.

See, every decade or so,
Teeth's parents roll into town

and get him all spun out about takin' over
the family dental practice.

But, like, don't worry.

We just have to wait for him

to cycle through
his emotional rejuvenation journey.

What?

Yeah. But eventually, he tells them no,

- and things go back to normal in no time.
- Mmm-hmm.

Uh-huh. And how much time is "no time"?

Could be a week, sometimes a month.

One time, it was a majority of the aughts.

Ooh, wow.

That was, like, such a wild time.
The naughty aughties.

Fun stuff. But we can't lose
our lead singer for a week to a decade.

No. I'm gonna go talk some sense into him.

- Teeth!
- FLOYD: Hold on. Come back!

JANICE: Wait. There's a lengthy process!

FLOYD: What you don't know is nothin'.
JANICE: Hold on.

- Nora!
- Oh, my God. (CLEARS THROAT)

Yep. That's her name.

- Nora.
- Yeah. We got her back, you and me.

- Nora.
- Any reason you keep repeatin' that?

- (WHISPERS) Nora.
- And now, you're whispering it.

- (WHISPERS) Nora.
- Okay.

(LAUGHS)

Boat's read', got my waders.
Last call for crawdaddin', y'all.

Wait, you can't just go... And, he's gone.

Oh, like, that just means
that phase one of his process

has, like, officially begun.

The good news is,

it always ends
with a delicious jumbo gumbo. Mmm.

Bad news is, then comes phase two.

Wait, phase two?

Creative malaise.

- Creative what?
- Creative mayonnaise.

Creative what?

- (PLAYING SAD TUNE)
- Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

- Why?
- ZOOT: Huh.

Maybe the next line is Z.

And after the phase of malaise,
comes musical self-doubt.

Yeah, who am I kiddin'?
I'm no ivory tickler.

I can't even ding the dang triangle.

What?

See? Doesn't sound good.

See?

And after he dings the dang,
then comes expl*sive rebellion.

Enough! I don't need you!

I don't need my parents!
And I don't need triangles!

In fact, I rejectify shapes of all kinds.
Even the rhombus.

- Then comes expl*sive regret.
- FLOYD: Mmm.

- Oh, I am so sorry.
- (GROANS)

I'm so sorry.

And this is nothin'
compared to the next phase,

which is a very abrupt flashback...

(POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE PLAYING)

Oh, my baby boy
is a certified tooth doctor.

Like your late great granddaddy said,

"May your spit cups always overflow
with good fortune."

- Ain't that right, Gerald?
- Yep.

Aw, thanks for all those
wonderful words, Mama.

And that nice one from you, too, Daddy.

Well, it is about to get nicer.

(TINA CHUCKLES)

- Great Granddaddy's solid gold floss case?
- Indeed.

You go say bye to your dental friends
while we go get The Molar Express.

- Come on, Gerald.
- Thank you, Mama. Thank you, Daddy.

TINA: Move your little tushy, Gerald.

(GUITAR STRUMMING)

(FLOYD VOCALIZING)

Oh! Hey there! I know you.
Future Doctor Man, right?

Or should I say, Present Doctor Man?
Remember me from the music shop?

Oh, yeah.

I barely recognize you
with the mustache and no glasses.

Yeah, well,
I grew 'em out and threw 'em out.

And do I walk into walls sometimes?
You bet. (CHUCKLES)

- Now, I just let the music be my guide.
- Well, I salute that, Sarge.

Actually, I got dishonorably discharged
from West Point

for turning Taps into a jazz odyssey.

(BOTH LAUGH)

And now I'm just followin' my dreams.
Kinda like you, huh?

- Yeah. Yeah, I suppose so.
- Yeah.

(DISCORDANT NOTE PLAYS)

I still can't get the hang
of that last string.

You ever thought
about playin' the bass guitar?

Mmm. Less strings, less fingers.
You are smart, Doc.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Hey, that reminds me.
I've been holdin' on to somethin' for you.

- Here you go.
- Come on!

I can't believe you have that.

I always wanted to thank you
for that bridge you gave me.

You know...

How about takin' it for another spin?

Oh, no, thanks. No, no, I'm no musician.
I don't even know how to...

(PLAYS HARMONICA)

FLOYD: That's it.

Come on, now.

(HORN TOOTING)

TINA: All aboard, Junior.

(GASPS)

Are you fraternizing
with that music hooligan again?

Well, your father won't allow it.
Ain't that right, Gerald?

Yep.

Thanks again, but you best keep that.
And good luck with your dream, Sarge.

You, too, Doc. You, too.

(PLAYING FRENETICALLY)

Nothin' like
a fantabulous little flashback

to get those fingerlings aflyin'.

- Whoo!
-"Whoo" is right!

- Does it mean this whole process is done?
- No, no.

This is just, like, his phase
of manic prosperity.

You know what? I'll take it.

- Look at him go.
- Mmm-hmm.

- Moog, please tell me...
- Recording every note.

Dude, I could kiss you right now.

Yeah, I'm just doin' my job.

- Nora.
- Oh!

Yep.

We all know you dig Nora.

Nora.

Oh, wow. Your hand's on my heart now.

- Nora.
- Okay.

Hey, look, I got work to do here, buddy.
All right? So maybe no more Nora-ing?

- Okay.
- All right.

- (CHUCKLES)
- ANIMAL: Nora, Nora, Nora...

- (DOOR OPENS)
- (ANIMAL'S VOICE RECEDING)

NORA: It's unbelievable, Hannah.

Dr. Teeth's mom derailed the whole album.

- That lady's done a number on her kid.
- Sounds familiar.

(SCOFFS) Come on.

Look, I may have major issues with Mom,
but you can't compare her to Tina Teeth.

All I'm saying is that you've been there.

If anyone can help out Teeth, it's you.

JANICE: Okay.

(SIGHS) My compost-enriched goat cheese
mask has finally curdled to my face.

- Hope I didn't miss girl talk.
- Nope.

Just an unsolicited therapy session
with Hannah.

Ooh, speaking of therapizing,

tomorrow's gonna be, like,
a major doozy of a day,

with Dr. Teeth's next phase.

Romantic impulsivity.

- Twinkles.
- What do you want?

- You're interrupting hot wing time.
- The news I bring trumps all.

- (GASPS)
- Would you do me the honor

of being my law-riffically wedded wife?

For all eternity.

Stop! Don't answer.
His parents are in town.

- What?
- Did I not mention that?

Again, with your mother?

Six times, we've been through
this meshuggenah process

I'll make sure it never happens again.

Either way, I'm keepin' this.

The only thing I love more than a wing,
is a ring.

Look, Teeth. I know things are complicated
with your mom, okay? Trust me, I get it.

But at the end of the day,

you have to stand up
for your own dreams, okay? Not theirs.

But...

But, how?

By putting an end to this whole process

and finally showing your parents
that you already are a doctor.

A doctor of the heart and soul.

Heart and soul, indeed.

Much obliged, Label Lady.

(WORRIEDLY) Hey.

What did you do?

Like, why would you tell the Doc
to just, like, end the process?

Like, why would you do that?

Uh... 'Cause this insanity has to stop.
And you're welcome.

Man, you just don't get it, do you?

- Teeth can't just end the process.
- Why not?

'Cause, like, the process always ends
with Teeth telling his parents no.

But the only way that happens

- is if he does the whole process.
- BOTH: Whole process.

But now, you done
prematurely ended said process,

Teeth never says no
and embraces the horrible life

- of a financially secure dentist.
- BOTH: Secure dentist.

Listen, there's no way
Dr. Teeth is gonna be Dr. Teeth,

the dentist one. I'll just figure out
a way to bring him back.

I would wait
until after the next flashback.

- What flashback? Teeth isn't even here.
- It ain't his flashback.

It's mine.

I don't think
you've been brushing, Eugene.

FLOYD: Excuse me.

I'd like to make one reservation
for the Cajun Pride Swamp Tours.

It pains me to tell you,
but their office is next door.

Oh, hey, it's you! It's the good doctor.

Well, I'll be.

- If it ain't Sergeant Pepper.
- (CHUCKLES)

You just wandered
into my family's dental practice.

Oh, is that what this is?
Ain't life funny that way.

- (LAUGHS)
- Since I'm here, you might as well

take a look under the hood, huh?

All right, well, open wide and say "ah."

Ahhhh.

- Yep. I see the problem.
- What's that?

- You ain't got no teeth.
- Oh.

You're gonna need a bridge.

Well, you already gave me
one of those, remember?

(PLAYING GUITAR RIFF)

(VOCALIZING)

I meant a dental bridge,
but yours is much more pretty.

Come on. You still have it?

I shouldn't. But I shall.

- Oh!
- (BOTH PLAYING BLUES MUSIC)

That's right.

(VOCALIZING)

- Hey!
- Come on, man.

What in the blessed bayou
is going on in... (GASPS)

- You again?
- Ma'am.

What is that busker boy doin' in here?

That's what I keep asking myself, Mama.

The universe keeps bringing us together.

I think it's destiny.

Dentistry is your destiny.

And one day, you will take over

and bring miles of smiles
to everyone just like you promised.

- Right, Gerald?
- Yep.

Mama's right. I made a promise
to take over the family practice.

Hmph.

I just didn't say when.

What you doing there?

Oh, just a little bit of security,
you might say. Let's go.

Where we headed?

To our destiny.

FLOYD: Think your parents
will miss the bus?

DR. TEETH: Absolutely.

Man, long flashback.

Yeah, Zoot's still in it.

(GROANING SOFTLY)

All right. No more flashing back.
We gotta help Teeth with his parents.

We're too late. He's gone.

- He's with his parents at Cavity Con.
- And he left this behind.

His gold tooth cap?

He really is gone gone.

No. Everyone go grab your gear.
It's time to go make some mayhem.

Let's go.

- Nora.
- Oh, God, not again.

Look, this gig is the most important
opportunity in my life,

and I'm not gonna blow it
by crushing on my boss.

Not that I am.

- Nora!
- Okay, fine. Maybe a little.

(CHUCKLES)

You don't know her. She only dates,
like, super slick dudes like JJ.

You know, and I'm just a struggling...
Why am I explaining this?

Just drop it. Okay?

- Hey, you coming, or what?
- I'm all yours.

- Don't.
- (SIGHS)

Okay.

Nora.

(LAUGHING)

ANNOUNCER: Please welcome the winners of
The Million Smiles Award,

Dr. Tina Teeth
and her lifelong dental assistant, Gerald.

- TINA: Oh, you are too kind.
- (CROWD CHEERING)

Would you look at that?
The Million Smiles Award.

I gotta tell you,

Gerald and I never dreamed
that we would be honored like this.

-Ain't that right, Gerald?
- Yep.

Though we may be retiring,
the Teeth practice will go on,

thanks to our son returning home
to fulfill our greatest dream.

Step on up and say something, Junior.

- Come on.
- All right, Mama.

- FLOYD: Attention, Cavity Con...
- (GUITAR STRUMMING)

...paging Doctor Gerald Teeth Junior.
Hey there, brother.

You know, we've been writing this song
since the day we met.

I think it's time to finish it, don't you?

He will do nothing of the sort, busker.

Why you always gotta be
nothing but trouble?

Well, you can call it trouble, ma'am.
I just call it being what I gotta be.

NORA: Yo, Teeth.

It's time to rock, Doc.

Well, all right.

- (DR. TEETH CLEARS THROAT)
- (GASPS)

Oh, my heavens.

Don't you do it, Junior!
You made me a promise.

DR. TEETH: This sure beats
drillin' for fillin's. Mmm, mmm.

Would you look at that?

The aurora borealis.

So bright,
probably shining down on Dallas.

(CHUCKLES) Can you picture that?

(PLAYING HARMONICA)

- (CHUCKLES) Look at that.
- Whoa!

DR. TEETH: He's keeping the b*at
with them cans of beets.

I think our duo just became a trio!

(BOTH LAUGH)

Play it, Animal!

- Hold still. Thank you, bus.
- (CAMERA WHIRRING)

(VOCALIZING)

(LAUGHS)

Yeah.

Now, that's what I call a roof canal.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

Excuse me. Excuse me.
Junior, oh, my goodness. Just...

Mama, Mama,
you don't have to say anything.

I made you both a promise a long time ago,
and I intend to keep it.

Not if I have anything to say about it.

- Gerald?
- Daddy?

You listen to me, Junior.

All we ever wanted for you
was a bright future.

Bringing smiles to the world.

Looking out here today, it's clear.

You've been bringing millions of smiles
to people for a long time.

So, if anyone deserves this here award,
it's the one, the only Dr. Teeth.

Ain't that right, honey?

Yep.

- Oh, Mama.
- TINA: Oh, Junior. Mmm.

DR. TEETH: Thank you, Mama.

And thank you, Floyd Pepper.

Ma'am.

TINA: Junior, you were amazing.
You're just like your mama.

DR. TEETH: Two, three, four!

(SHOUTING)

(SINGING CONTINUES)

- Yeah. What is that? Is it a C?
- Mmm-hmm.

Take it up there. Put it on the board.

The Muppets will know that, too.

Another one done, and it's a beaut.

Wow! Six songs in six days.
You guys are on fire.

It wouldn't be possible
without you, Labels.

First, you helped us
break through our writer's block,

and then you untangled my twisted
familial convictions, as they say.

I'm just glad that at the end of the day,

your parents were able to embrace
your dream,

you know, instead of theirs.

Thank you.

(DOOR OPENS)

Okay, I need to get some sleep,

because that band really does know
how to rock and roll all night.

And "part of every day."
Which are the lyrics, FYI.

Wait, I never noticed that tattoo.

Oh, yeah.

-"One Love," huh?
- Mmm-hmm.

Lifelong Bob Marley fan.

You don't say.

No way!

It's crazy, right? What are the chances?

You know,
I guess it's kinda like Teeth and Floyd.

Sometimes, music just brings
the right two people together.

Yeah. It's destiny.

- I'll, um, see you tomorrow.
- Yeah, night.

Nora.

Nora.

Say "cheese." (SNEEZES)

- Oh, dear.
- (CAMERA WHIRRING)