03x02 - Camp Splintarrrwood!

[bunniefuu]

-[Mighty Eagle whistles]
-[campers laughing]

♪ Camp Splinterwood
Our summer home ♪

[rock melody]

♪ For catapulting!
Slingshotting! Getting thrown! ♪

♪ Campers rocket through the trees ♪

♪ Cannonballing where they please ♪

♪ Zipping in the air ♪

♪ Crashing everywhere ♪

♪ Archery, dodge-bird, Borb tennis ♪

♪ It's absurd! ♪

♪ Here they come!
Red, Stella, b*mb, and Chuck ♪

♪ Flying fast
Look out, duck! ♪

♪ All your life you'll be glad
you had this ♪

♪ Angry Birds Summer Madness! ♪

[happy music]

Oh, man! You guys feel that?

Yeah. It's super sunny out.
I did not put on enough sunscreen.

No! We'll have an epic
Best Friends Summer Camp Adventure Day!

There's just...
ah, something in the air.

Like a flying dinghy full of pirates?

A flying full of what now?

Some bird woke up
on the weird side of the bed this morning.

Joke's on you.
I slept under my bed last night, so, ha!

[expl*si*n]

Huh, I wonder who those cheeps are?

Pirates!

[dramatic music]

I did not see that coming.

I did, remember?
With the pointing and looking?

[footsteps approaching]

[Uncle Carl speaking in pirate voice]
Ahoy, avast tender!

Uh, Uncle Carl?

That's Captain Uncle Carl to ye now!

Harold, love! You didn't tell me
you had family visiting.

What a surprise!

I'll be back on Monday.

[catapult springs]

Uh, what's happening?

Has me lily-livered nephew never told ye
about his family secret pirate past?

Am I the only one
who can't understand a word he's saying?

Please, Uncle Carl. No!

How could ye be embarrassed
that our family's descended

from the famous pirate Blue Beak himself?

And that he used these very grounds
as a secret pirate hideout?

Okay, is there a translator,
or can we get subtitles?

I've decided to embrace me pirate heritage

and form a crew with this fearsome,
smashbuckling flock.

-Yeah!
-Argh!

-Argh!
-Argh!

-[thud]
-Ooh, yeah.

We all work with your uncle
at the slingshot dealership.

I'm Marvin, the intern. Hey.

And I'm Barbara! From accounting.

Darn it! Enough with the jibber-jabber!

We're here to smash down
Camp Splinterwood!

-[gasps]
-[all gasp]

But why would you do that?

'Cause I hates the place!

And I'm having a midlife crisis.

Yea-argh!

Oh, well, that makes sense. I guess.

Yeah. 'Cause if there's one thing
everyone knows about pirates...

They have wooden peg butts?

It's that they're super smashy!

And apparently really hard to understand.

Well, tough tutus for you, Captain!

Harold will never let you
smash this camp.

He loves it. We all do.

And he'll fight beak and talon
to defend it! Right, Harold?

[laughing hysterically]

Ye-argh, like taking candy from a
Hatchling.

Now, ready the smashy cannon!

-Ye-argh.
-[laughing]

Not so fast!

Aw, are ye gonna try and stop me?

As a matter of fact, we are!
And I don't appreciate your tone.

[fires]

[expl*si*n]

[snoring]

Ah, man, I just finished
a thousand-piece puzzle in there!

What are we gonna do?

I've got an idea.

[descending sound]

Run!

[expl*si*n]

Ye-argh, as yellow-bellied as Harold.

Let's level this place!

[all cheering]

Okay, cheeps.

This is not how I saw today going,
but our camp is under att*ck.

So I say we...

-Hurry it up a little?
-Right.

Just pretend I said
something inspirational, okay?

For Splinterwood!

[whooshing]

Take this, you funny-talking weirdos!

-[thump]
-[grunts]

[excited laughing]

[grunts]

Ye-argh, Barbara!
Find that little red twerp!

Aye, aye, Captain!

[softly springs]

Okay, b*mb. Let's serve these pirates up
a can of Splinterwood Surprise!

Surprise!

Uh-oh.

[screams]

[thuds]

Ow. [grunts]

Oh, hello, Red. Lovely of you to drop by.

Don't you "Oh, hello, Red" me.

You bailed on us!
We're getting pummeled out there!

Come on! We need your help!
And you need to stand up to your uncle.

Oh gosh golly, no. My uncle is terrifying.

Plus there's no way I can out-pirate him.

Pirates are smashy and breaky,
and I'm not.

But if Carl destroys the camp,

me and my best friends
will never see each other again!

Oh hey, Red! Love ya!

[crashes]

Not to mention all the other campers
who won't get to be with their BFFs.

You're ruining childhoods here!

You really want that on your conscience?

Well, there is one thing that might help.

No offense, but this is no time

for another story
about your Dodgebird glory days.

No, I meant this.

Legend has it,

Blue Beak's secret pirate stash
is hidden in tunnels beneath the camp!

You had a treasure map this whole time
and never looked for it?

Well, the map specifically says,

[in pirate voice]
"Use me secret stash

only in the event
of a hostile pirate takeover

by a long estranged relative. Ye-argh"

That is pretty specific.

What are we waiting for?

Did you look at the map? It's full
of perilous pirate traps and puzzles,

and I'm not very piratey.

If it means saving the camp,

I know four birds
who are piratey enough for the challenge!

[chaos]

Can you believe
they had the audacity to smash my cabin?

Uh, yeah? They're "smashy" pirates?
They're trying to smash the whole camp!

Yeah, but they smashed my cabin.

Take that, you cretins!

How we holding up?

Half the camp is smashed.
And we're almost out of snacks.

At this rate of smashstruction,

Penley gives us four and a half meatballs
before Carl destroys the camp!

That's never going to happen.

Because this treasure map leads
to exactly what we need to save camp.

Treasure?

Sign me up!

But then you'd miss out on the chance
to lead the resistance here and be a hero.

All I heard was "lead" and "hero." I'm in.

Huh? Wait. Seriously?

What? I don't know why you're so shocked.
It's my camp too.

I would literally do anything
for this place.

Great job.

Ah, according to the map,

the entrance to Blue Beak's
secret tunnels should be here.

But this is just the basketbird court.

You know, it'd be funny
if it was one of those things

where it was
right under our beaks the whole time.

"Ye who seek to go below
must best Blue Beak at Yo-ho Tac Toe."

What's Yo-ho Tac Toe?

Hmm.

Hang on.

Whoa! Check it out!

The entrance is under the court! Look!

Skulls for O's
and crossbones for X's! It's...

Pirate tic-tac-toe!

And you know what X does.

Has a wooden peg butt?

-Marks the spot!
-Marks the spot!

[bouncing]

There!

-Yeah!
-[b*mb] Woo-hoo!

-[grunts]
-[Chuck] Watch out below!

[all screaming]

[all grunt]

Ah!

Hmm.

According to the map,
this is the first of four obstacles.

[explosions and chaos]

Then let's hurry it up!

"Now your path be blocked by stone.
Move it wrong, I'll crush your bones."

"And don't forget me first mate Peg.
He could always use a leg."

Got to be some trick to moving that slab.

-Maybe this stick is something...
-[Stella] Oh, come on.

We obviously have to smash our way
through the smashy pirate puzzle.

Uh, I'm not sure that's the best idea.

Bombs away!

Oh! You meant that literally.

[grunts]

It moved!

Let's do it again.

[debris falling]

Not that anyone asked,
but that's a no from me.

It's caving in!

[yelping]

[Chuck yelling]

[rocks pounding]

Oh, excuse me. I mean...

[groaning]

"Ahoy, my name is Peg"?

You're a peg leg?

Everyone! This way!

Go, go, go!

Ah!

[all screaming]

[chaos]

We're all out of a*mo!

[crash]

Then fling him!

[bouncing]

[crackling]

The big slide!

[gasps]

No a*mo. No big slide. Doesn't look good.

Then there's only one thing left to do.

Desert!

Right. Cover ourselves
in pudding and fight to the death?

Uh, not "dessert." I mean "desert."
Like, leave and join the pirates.

Now, what happened to, "It's my camp too."

"I would literally do anything
for this place," hmm?

Well, I've never been a fan
of being on the losing team.

Ta-ta!

That was so scary.

And cool! We almost got crushed.
But in a really cool way!

Then we didn't get crushed,
which was even cooler!

Yeah. I'm a big fan
of getting not crushed.

b*mb, you really saved our...

butts?

Check it out!

Another one of these awesome cannons!

Okay, easy.

Let's not flinging ourselves
at every challenge we come up against.

Not everything in life
can be solved by smashing.

Whoa! That is really deep.

Yeah. I have my moments.

No, I mean the pit.

How are we going to get across?

"The other side of this trench be far.
If you want to cross, play a chantey bar."

Then there's weird symbols.
What the beak is a chantey bar?

Think it has to do with peg butts?

No!

[screaming and smashing]

[Barbara] You can call me
Borbara from now on!

I'll be doing no such thing!

Focus on the smashing, ye scurvy bird!

Just a few more buildings
to bring down, and we're done.

Ahoy, Captain Carl.

Nice day for smashbuckling.

What's your deal, laddie?

Why aren't you cowering
or defending your camp?

Aw, I've never liked this place.

Actually, I've come to offer my services.

Ye want to join me pirate crew?
Ye-argh.

We don't need no lubbers.

What if I told you

I could help you do more
than just smash this place to rubble?

There's nothing
ye could do for me, laddie.

Au contraire, mon piratey frère.

Does Blue Beak's pirate stash
mean anything to you?

Now ye've piqued me interest.

Wait! I know! A chantey bar!

It's got caramel, peanuts, nougat...

No, that's a candy bar.

And I told you
to eat something before we left.

[rumbling]

We gotta hurry!

[gasps] Let me see that.
Pretty sure that's a giant accordion.

And these are notes.

The first bar to a sea chantey.
It's a song!

And you know this how?

I'm actually a world-ranked accordionist.

Been taking lessons
since I was a Hatchling.

I just never mentioned it
'cause, you know, accordion.

That is so...

awesome!

Wow, really? You won't make fun of me?

Oh no. I'm gonna.
But it's still totally awesome.

[rumbling]

Fair enough. But right now,
we got a camp to save.

Chuck, in the cannon.

No idea what's happening, but count me in!

If I'm reading this right,
the first note is a skull sharp.

[intense music]

[Chuck] Woo-hoo! [grunts]

-[accordion plays]
-[Chuck grunts]

[accordion plays low note]

It's working! Do it again!

I think the rest is cannon,
skull sharp, sword...

Poop emoji? Kind of weird. Oh well.

[Chuck grunts]

[accordion playing]

[all] Woo-hoo!

[all laughing]

[expl*si*n]

[squealing]

Well, camp is toast.

So much for asking
for a raise next summer.

No! There's still one sanctuary left!

The bathroom!

Uh, I'd rather take my chances out here.

Rod and his merry morons
have no idea we're even coming.

So we can snatch the treasure
out from under their beaks.

[all laughing]

Okay. Two down, two to go.

"So many holes. What should ye do?
Nothing but skill will let ye through."

We gotta figure out what skills
will help with these holes.

-Butt.
-Cannonball skills? Is that a thing?

-Butt.
-Maybe a sports skill.

Quick! Who has a ball?

-Butt?
-But what, Chuck?

Not "but." Butt!

To solve the puzzle,
I need to stick my butt in all the holes.

-Maybe it's a cooking thing.
-Making sandwiches?

Do you cook with holes?

[all talking]

[bouncing]

[Chuck giggling]

Butt skills.

Yeah! [laughing]

-[Chuck grunts]
-Whoa!

Chuck!

I will never doubt your butt again!

Okay, cheeps.
Just one more challenge to go.

And it is a doozy.

Looks like those dummies
already did the hard work for us.

"Ye made it to me final test.
It be way harder than all the rest."

"If you're here,
ye think more than ye smash,

but can ye think enough
to reach me stash?"

[screams]

[scanning and beeping]

[exciting music]

Well, we lost him.

I say we put our butts in things.
Worked last time.

No, wait.

Guys, we've been training
for this all summer!

No, we haven't.

We've just been goofing off
and having fun.

Exactly. Get in!

For Splinterwood!

[all whooping]

Yeah!

Yahoo!

[grunting]

Yeah!

-Hey, Chuck.
-Hey, b*mb.

Here we go!

[all whooping]

-Yippee!
-Yes!

Oh no!

[all screaming]

Awesomest Best Friends
Summer Camp Adventure ever!

[all cheering]

-Um, guys?
-[all gasp]

The pirate treasure
is an actual pirate ship!

And it's loaded with...

Look at those babies!

Just what we need to send
Captain Uncle Carl

and his pirate coworkers packing!

Not if I give the ship to him first.

Neiderjerk? What are you doing here?
You're supposed to be defending the camp!

Come on. Is this really that surprising?
I'll take the ship now. Aha!

I don't think so.

I do think so.

Well, I still think not.

-So?
-Not.

Stop!

Please.

You're right. This is childish.
There's only one thing left to say.

-Boo!
-Ah!

[expl*si*n]

[all screaming]

No!

Oh, Rod. Do you stop me
to save the camp or save your friends?

Aw!

[dramatic music]

[whooshing]

[b*mb moaning]

[all laughing]

How'll we b*at the pirates
if they have that thing?

I don't know.

[Uncle Carl in pirate voice] I'd say ye
proved yerself useful and then some.

Now, let's finish leveling
Splinterwood to splintereens!

It's quiet.

Is it over?

That'd be a no.

Incoming!

-Ye-argh!
-[crashing]

This is it. Huddle close, little ones.

Time to admit defeat, ye lubbers!

You're outmatched,
outmanned, and outmaneuvered.

I guess this is it. No more camp.

And I never got to tell you guys
just how much I love you.

Actually, you tell us all the time.

Oh, you're right! I'm such a good friend!

[crying loudly]

[blows nose]

You know, if this is our last day at camp,

then at least I got to spend it

with my best friends
on the best adventure ever.

I'm gonna miss you weirdos.

Don't worry, Stella, I'll still rip on you
for being an accordion player.

That was a truly lovely speech,
but it's time to wrap it up.

[Uncle Carl] The treacherous backstabber
is right.

Prepare to say goodbye

to your beloved summer camp.

Ready, aim...

I'm not gonna let you destroy this camp!

If these kids are willing to risk
everything to defend it, then so am I!

Ye-argh! Well, it's too late for that.
I've already won.

I don't think so. I'm gonna stop ya.

[chuckling]
Ye-argh, have ye seen yourself?

Ye ain't no smashy pirate.

[all laughing]

Yeah. I guess I'm more of a fixy pirate.

See? I made myself a peg butt.

It's real! And it's spectacular!

[Uncle Carl] Pshaw!

What's a peg butt gonna do
against me and me crew?

Well, I made it out of your ship.

[screaming]

[all cheering]

[Uncle Carl in normal voice]
Ah! I can't swim!

Grab onto my life butt!

[both grunting]

You... you saved my life.

I guess we won.

Well, Harold, you earned my respect today.

Not only did you save my life,

you out-pirated me by using your head.

And my butt.

And what a magnificent peg butt it was.

I'm sorry, Harold.
I was wrong about this place.

I spoke with my coworkers,
and we're all thinking about signing up.

Well, we do have
an excellent water safety program here.

Now that I've gotten
to know it by destroying it,

I can see how special it is.

Was. Can be.

After we help you rebuild it.
If you'll have us.

[all cheering]

You know, I still can't understand
a word he's saying.

Something about rebuilding camp,
yada yada.

Now, about this accordion thing...

[theme music plays]