01x14 - Broadcast Blues/Professor Calamitous, I Presume

[bunniefuu]

Gotta Blast!

♪ Into the stars
goin' by Candy Bar's ♪

♪ Rides a kid with a knack
for invention ♪

( gasps )

♪ With super-powered mind,
a mechanical canine ♪

( barks )

♪ He rescues the day
from sure destruction ♪

Help!

♪ This is the theme song ♪

( screams )

♪ For Jimmy Neutron. ♪

( mechanical whirring )

( barking )

( yells )


MISS FOWL:
Now I will demonstrate

how a common household monkey
can be taught to square dance.

PRINCIPAL WILLOUGHBY:
Yoo-hoo.

Hope I'm not interrupting.

Principal Willoughby!

Of course not.

Well, I've got some
great news, kids.

Lindbergh School
is going to sponsor
a TV program

on public access.

( exclaims )

( kids moan and yawn )

Oh, I know, isn't it exciting?

If anyone would like to pitch
ideas for the show's format,

you just feel free to drop by
my office after lunch.

A public access show.

Finally, a way
to educate the masses

by sharing my love
of complex scientific theorems.

CINDY:
Earth to Nerdtron.

Forget it.

Jimmy, you wouldn't
know good television

if it bit you in
the Bunsen burner.

Right!

Oh, yuck it up, she-losers,

but my program is going to give
people what they really want--

thoughtful and informative
programming.

It's a show
about nothing.

Nothing but puppets!

Dad, is it wrong
to tell a lie?

Son, let me tell you
a little story.

( screams )

Giant radioactive worms!

I'm all right, Dad.

Dad?

Dad?

Next!

Singing and dancing
is the way to go.

Kick it, girl.

( hip-hop music playing )

WILLOUGHBY:
Next!

Fade in.

Close-up on my face.

That's the show.

Hmm.

Next!

Um, what's public access?

( sighs )

And that demonstrates
the hyper-gravimetric effects

on all prime numbers greater
than the cube root of n.

Then we go to commercial.

( blubbering )

Congratulations, Jimmy.

That was the worst pitch
all day.

Oh.

Then why are you
congratulating me?

Well, because, in accordance
with FCC regulation 97002/J...

( clears throat )

all school-run programs
must be educational,

having no entertainment value
whatsoever.

Ergo, you got the job, hotshot.

Yes!

I can see it all now--

lights, camera, science!

CARL:
The universe.

It's really, really, really,
really big and stuff.

Join us now as we voyage
into the unknown

on Science with Jimmy.

Yay!

Hey-ho!

That's enough, Carl.

Sorry.

Uh, hi.

Welcome to Science with Jimmy.

Today's segment is called
"Fun with Heavy Gravity."

And so, without further ado,

I give you
the Gravitrax SK30.

I shall now attempt

to alter
my assistant's density

via graviton particle
bombardment.

Atomic batteries
to power.

Turbines to speed...

Initiating sequence...

Now!

( giggling )

It tickles.

And voilà!

The test subject
is now much heavier.

( clapping )

( giggling )

Uh, well, it's kind
of hard to see,

but take my word for it.

His atomic structure is
now really, really dense.

( laughs )

Psst.

Jimmy, this experiment's
a stink burger.

Move on.

No, no, no, w-w-wait.

Maybe if I increase
the intensity...

( device whirring loudly )

Jimmy, I feel kind of funny.

We need more power.

Look at
our little Jimbo.

The camera loves him.

( shouts )

( shouts )

Uh, I can fix that.

( screams )
Oh, no! Run.

Let's get
out of here!

My mistake; the camera
only likes him
as a friend.

Now, that's good television.

Uh, that's all the time we have.

Join us again next week.

Bye!

Well, Jimmy,

that was the worst show
I've ever seen.

I understand.

I'd fire me, too,
if I were you.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
on the contrary.

We've decided
to retool the format

to make it kind of
remotely interesting.

Really?

That's great.

Who's "we"?

Your new
creative team.

Jimmy, I'd like you
to meet the new producer

of Science with Jimmy.

No!

And your new co-host.

No!

Jimmy, calm down.

We know that
you want the show
to educate people.

We deeply and genuinely
respect that.

No!

You do?

Of course.

We just want
to make a few
tiny adjustments.

Exactly.

You have our word

that science will
always come first

on Science with Jimmy.

Please, you seriously
expect me to trust you?

If you don't do the show,
we'll get someone else.

Like I said, time
to make some show-biz magic.

Dad, you've been bitten.

You're turning
into a giant worm.

Run, run, son.

Run while you can.

I love you, Dad.

Jimmy, where you been
the last few days?

In the lab.

Letting Cindy
and Libby produce

gave me time to focus
on the science.

Yeah, uh,
listen, Jimmy,

there's something
you should know.

I've come up with some
great new experiments.

This is going to be
our best show ever.

He's living
in a dream world.

( screams )

W-What happened
to my set?

Do you love it?

"Funky Jam Dance Party"?

With some science.

You said you were
only going to make

some tiny changes.

And they are tiny.

Jimmy, baby,
you're Mr. Science.

Just do the show the way
you would normally.

Yeah, Jimmy, don't sweat it.

We're here
to support you.

Places, people--
we're on in ten.

I don't know, Sheen.

This doesn't feel right.

Duh! I told you
the show needs
more puppets.

And we're live
in three, two, one.

Cue lights, cue music,
cue Funk Master Nicky Nick.

Funk Master Nicky Nick?

( playing hip-hop )

Hey, everybody,
it's time to get down

with America's favorite
educational program,

Funky Jam Dance Party.

( cheering loudly )

With some science.

Whatever.

And now give it up

for the big-headed brother with
the pointy do, Jimmy Neutron!

( music pauses )

Hello and welcome to Funky Jam
Dance Party with Some Science.

In today's segment,
we'll be taking a look

at electron valance orbits.

And kick it!

( hip-hop resumes )

What? I didn't
get a chance...

To represent
Lindbergh Elementary,

we're the Liberteens.

( hoots )

♪ Do you want to be
my lab partner? ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Do you want to mix
some chemicals? ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ I'll be your test-tube baby ♪

♪ At the Funky Jam
Dance Party... ♪

I can't let them
ruin my show.

Goddard, fetch
the acoustic amp.

Sugarbooger, come quick.

Jimmy's new show is funkerific.

♪ We're gonna fill our beakers ♪

♪ Mm-hmm ♪

♪ Mm-hmm ♪

♪ With sulfuric funk ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! ♪

♪ Test me
with your litmus paper ♪

♪ At the Funky Jam
Dance Party... ♪

( music continuing )

( music playing backwards )

( music stops )

And we're back, with science--

thanks to the acoustical
absorption properties

of my amazing Acoustivac.

Funny story about
quantum sonic fluctu...

( screams )

( audience laughs, applauds )

And now it's time for
adorable hunk tricks.

I want you to give
it up for Nick!

What's up, Nick?

I'm going to style my hair
without using my hands.

Can I get a drum roll, please?

( cheering )

Hey, hey.

Forget the hair.

I'm offering you
a miniature fusion reaction

which perfectly duplicates
the Sun's carbon-nitrogen cycle.

Yo, Nick, flip your hair again.

( cheering, whistling )

( hip-hop resumes )

Ha! Huh!

Whoo!

Give it up.

Got to get
my show back.

By the spirit
of Enrico Fermi,

science shall never
take backseat

to mindless
pop culture again!

Goddard, the Gravitrax.

God-Goddard?

That does it.

( girls yelp )

Get us down!

I can't work like this!

Whee!

Hey!

Hey, Neutron, what's going on?

Whoa!

GIRLS:
Whoa!

Thus, we see how reversing
the polarity on your Gravitrax

can render any lousy dance act
virtually weightless.

Neutron, get us down from here.

Please, join us next week
when empirically deduced data

will once again be
the star of the show.

Well, kids, congrats.

Zero Gravity, Funky Dance Party
Jam with Some Science

k*lled in the ratings.

Too bad I'm going to have
to cancel it.

What? Why?

Because the network president
doesn't like

science, music or dancing.

Well, then,
what does he like?

SHEEN:
We must destroy
the giant worm.

SHEEN:
No, you mustn't!

That's my father.

( whispers ):
Psst, Carl,
that's your cue.

CARL:
Oh, sorry.

( clears throat )

Must destroy world!

Ow! Gee,
that hurt.

Fuzzy Puppet House Party
with No Science
is puppetastic.

Dad, that's not even a word.

JUDY:
Eat your popcorn,
dear.

MAN:
You're an extraordinary fellow,
Mr. Boy Genius.

Well, prepare to meet your...
um, oh, uh, whatever.

( laughs evilly )

Today I found something

that no one has ever seen before
in the history of the world--

a half-eaten
Crunchy Creme jelly donut!

( kids gasp )

But they're 100% irresistible.

No one cannot finish one.

I'm afraid I know
someone who could--

an old student of mine,
Finbarr Calamitous.

This is his bite mark.

He's back!

So what's so special
about Finbarr Calamitous?

Oh, he was a brilliant boy,

but he could never
finish anything--

homework, inventions,
sentences.

That's why I failed him.

And he was bad!

Like me?

No, Nick.

You're bad in the new sense
of the word, meaning good.

Finbarr was bad
in the old sense of the word.

He disappeared one day
after not finishing his lunch.

I wonder why he's returned.

Carl!

What?

I don't know.

( pounding metallic footsteps )

( doorbell rings )

Are you back home early

from your mother's, Sugarbo...

Hey, you're not Sugarbooger.

Good morning.

I've come to,
uh, um, um...

Install cable?

Snake my drain?

Clean the chimney?

Yes, clean the chimney.

I'm a chimney, um...

You're a chimney sweep.

Oh, that's just grand.

Like the guy in the movie.

Do you sing and dance?

That costs extra.

It always does.

Never mind.

All clean.

By the way,
where is your,
your...

Bathroom?

Duck collection?

Son?

Yes, your son.

The genius.

Well, Jimbo's at school.

He does that during the day.

Does he
have something

he really cares about,
like, um, uh...

A girl?

Tennis racket?

Different girl?

Dog?

He does have a dog.

Oh, yes.

Show me the, um...

the furry, barky thing
you mentioned.

That's Goddard.

Yes, it is,
yes, it is.

Jimmy made him
all by himself.

He does eleven million
and four things

except clean up after himself.

That's my job.

Kind of like
a hobby for me really.

May I take him for a...

Ice cream?

Grand tour of Europe?

Walking?

Yes, the third one.

We usually don't let
random chimney sweeps

just walk in and...

( sniffs )

Well... good night.

Mommy?

( Goddard growls )

( barking )

( growling fiercely )

( Goddard yelps )

Do you guys think that,
you know,

sometimes
in the right light

Miss Fowl
looks kind of...

Hey, hold
that thought.

Look-- up in the sky.

It's a bird!

It's a plane!

It's a self-propelled android

traveling at approximately
237 miles per hour.

Oh... sorry, Carl.

What were
you saying?

Nothing,
never mind.

Hey, Goddard, I'm home.

Goddard!

Dad?

( yawns )

I must have just dozed off there
for... hmm, six hours.

Nothing like a nice nap.

Where's Goddard?

Uh, Goddard?

He's right here with
the chimney sweep.

JIMMY:
Goddard's been dog-napped.

By a big, giant,
scary chimney sweep.

Man, that would make
one sweet action figure.

Nobody steals my dog.

Except that guy.

Sorry.

I've got your dog, Jimmy.

Which means soon I will have you

or my name isn't...
um... oh, um...

Oh, right.

( laughs evilly )

I'll take to the skies.

Keep on the lookout
for any suspicious activity

and meet me back here
at 1600 hours.

I'm counting on you guys.

( tires squeal )

It's too bad
Goddard was stolen.

But this
is so cool.

We're like two real
live cops on a case.

Yeah.

Let's go eat.

By activating Goddard's
built-in homing device,

I'll find him faster
than you can say...

( device beeping )

There he is.

He's under the house somewhere.

Sheen, Carl,
I've located Goddard.

I'll signal
if I need backup.

Roger.

We'll sit tight here
in case the guy

who stole your dog
comes in for a snack.

Over and out.

Who's Roger?

( barking from down below )

Goddard.

Up here, boy.

Aw, don't worry, Goddard.

I'll have you out
of there in no time.

Good thing I brought
my Swiss Army laser.

Let's go.

( barks happily )

Hello, Jimmy.

Please allow me
to introduce myself.

I'm... um... um...

Um... no... uh...

( mumbling incoherently )

Finbarr Calamitous--

the guy who could
never finish anything.

Well, aren't we the smart one.

But not smart enough to avoid
walking right into my little...

It starts with a T.

Trap?

Correct!

And now you are going to be
my scientific sl*ve

and finish all my... my...

JIMMY:
Sentences.

CALAMITOUS:
No!

My... my...

Inventions?

Inventions.

Finish my inventions.

And then I will take over
the... um... uh...

Universe?

Smaller.

Retroville?

And all those fools
who laughed at me.

They called me "Half Done"
and "Never Finish,"

which weren't
particularly good nicknames,

but they stung all the same.

Wait a minute.

If you never finish anything,

how'd you finish
that robotic suit?

Who says it's finished?

I never put in a bathroom.

Speaking of which,
I'll be right back.

Pay no attention to
the short, skinny, bald man

stepping out of the, um...

I'm not helping you do anything,
Mr. Calamitous.

That's Professor Calamitous.

And I'm afraid
you have no choice.

You're trapped, Neutron.

You see, these walls are
made of pure chromium steel

with just a hint
of magenta in the piping

to really bring out...
oh, never mind.

First you will complete
my ultimate disintegrater.

At the moment it only
makes things moist and soggy

and kind of,
oh... not crumbly exactly.

More like, um...

Ultimate disintegrater, eh?

Okay, I guess you win.

I'll fix your machine and help
you take over Retroville.

( questioning bark )

CALAMITOUS:
Really?

A wise decision.

By the way,
how is my old teacher,
Miss, um... um...

Miss Fowl?

Why, she's fine,
thanks for asking.

Do you think
that sometimes
in the right light

Miss Fowl looks
kind of...

Finished.

Fast as you are smart, eh?

So now begins
the destruction of, of...

Your wall of steel.

CALAMITOUS:
It works.

I always knew
I could do, um... um...

JIMMY:
It!

Bye.

Oh, pooh.

I wish I'd seen that,
um... um...

JIMMY:
Coming!

Yikes!

For a bumbling genius,
he's pretty dangerous.

( tires squeal )

He's on our tail.

JIMMY:
Ugh, I can't shake him.

So I never finish anything, eh?

We'll just see about,
um... um...

Think, think.

CALAMITOUS:
I never put in a bathroom.

Brain blast!

( mumbling to himself )

Ohh... oh, goodness.

Oh, monkey lumps.

Why didn't I put a bathroom
in this suit?

Ooh, Sheen.

It's the perp.

Hey, yeah.

You wrestle him
and cuff him

and I'll watch.

Why do you
get to watch?

Fine, forget it.

Let's just hide
quietly.

May I use your,
um... um...

Telephone?

Teeth whitening kit?

Restroom?

Restroom!

No, it's for
paying customers only.

All right, I'll have
a chocolate, um... um...

Sundae?

Rumball?

Milkshake?

Officer Tubbs,
man that bathroom.

Uh, thanks--
don't mind if I do.

( groaning )

Hmph!

Nooooo!

Yeah, another evildoer
sent packing.

Glad we could help, Jimmy.

What are you
talking about?

You guys didn't do
a doggone thing.

Oh, didn't we?

JIMMY:
No!

Well, at least we didn't
screw anything up.

Come on, Carl,
let's go eat some candy.

Fighting crime
really gives me
a appetite.

CALAMITOUS:
I'll be back, Jimmy.

You can run,
but you can't, um... oh...

Oh, oh, oh-- hop?

Go too fast or you'll slip?

Chew gum at the same time?

Oh, just forget it.