03x09 - Clash of the Cousins/Who's Your Mommy

[bunniefuu]

Got to blast!

♪ Into the stars,
goin' by Candy Bar's ♪

♪ Rides a kid with a knack
for invention ♪

( gasps )

♪ With a super-powered mind,
a mechanical canine ♪

( barks )

♪ He rescues the day
from sure destruction ♪

Help!

♪ This is the theme song ♪

( screams )

♪ For Jimmy Neutron. ♪

( mechanical whirring )

( barking )

( yells )

Welcome to planet
Schmengy...
uh, again.

Don't worry,
Jimmy.

I know where I left
my UltraLord last week

when I was using
the facilities.

Why not buy
a replacement, Sheen?

Carl, every UltraLord is
precious in a different way.

I think I left him
under that smelly rock.

Huh? This wasn't here
last week.

Interesting.

Carl, scrape me a sample.

Me?

Don't worry,
I'll be monitoring

from a safe distance.

Oh, well,
in that case...

Hah! There you are.

From now on, you go
into the bathroom with me,

even if you are embarrassed.

CARL:
Uh, Jimmy?

I think I put too much oomph
in my scrape.

Don't worry, Carl.

I'm completely safe.

Well, yeah, but...

( both gasp )

What, do I have something
on my lip?

Uh... don't worry,
Carl.

Everything's going
to be fine.

Are you kidding?

It's the most horrible
thing ever!

Sheen!

It's hideous!

It's like a freak show!

JIMMY:
Sheen!

Carl, we need to
leave the cave...

You're
going to
leave me!

Sheen! Then we'll head
back to Earth

at light speed
or faster!

JIMMY:
Hmm, the creature is made
of energy,

but cooled
and solidified

in a process
both fascinating
and completely gross.

Well, Carl, if you get pimples,
who's going to know?

Uh, Jimmy, are you sure
I can't look at it?

Uh, sorry, I don't have
a mirror.

That's not true,
you have...

Nope, I don't.

Be quiet, Carl.

I'm working on
getting it off.

In the meantime, I'll help you
blend into society.

Like so.

SHEEN:
Oh.

How's that getting-it-off
thing coming?

This should do
the trick.

All right, it worked!

Wow.

Thanks, Jim.

Whew, that was
a close one.

I could use
a stiff shake
at the Candy Bar.

Mmm, sounds good.

But you know what
I really feel like?

( Carl gulping )

JIMMY:
Carl, what are you eating?

Well, I got this
sudden craving

for a bowl
of ice cream,

jalapeños,
dill pickles,

strawberries,
salmon and lard.

Yuck! Strawberries?

Why are you both staring at me?

Do I look fat to you?

No, no.

It just seems un...
unhealthy.

( sadly ):
I've always been
on the heavy side

( sweetly ):
but I think I'm jolly!

( angrily ):
You shouldn't talk, big head!

( sweetly ):
But we are what we are
and that's fine with me.

That is the single coolest thing
I have ever seen.

Back to the lab.

Do it again, Carl!

Back to the lab!

All right!
You don't have to yell.

It's just what I thought:
the strange appetite,

the mood swings,
the glowing bulges.

Carl, I don't know
how to say this,

so I'll whisper it to Sheen
and he'll blurt it out.

Carl is pregnant?

What!

Well, sort of.

It's a living mass
of energy growing
inside you,

placed there
by the alien

that was on
your face.

It happens
all the time.

But I can't support
an alien child.

I don't even have a job.

Will you guys excuse me?

I need time to think.

This is so cool.

Carl, when the alien
is old enough,

can I take it on a rampage
of wanton destruction?

If you're both back
before dark.

Man! You already talk
like a parent.

Chile pancake?

Clam ball?

Pork brownie?

JIMMY:
Good news, Carl.

I know how to solve this
without harming either of you.

Why are you nodding no?

I've thought about it, Jim.

If it's a boy,
I'll name him Schmengel

and if it's a girl, Schmengetta.

I want it to retain
its alien heritage.

What?!

Yes! I'm going to be
an uncle!

Is there an Alien
Uncle's Day?

( doorbell rings )

Mr. Wheezer, hi. Is Carl...

Dead? No, he's here.

We're preparing for the
pitter-patter of little, uh...

whatever the alien's mode
of locomotion will be.

Hi, Jimmy.

Carl, this is insane.

You need to come to the lab
for tests immediately.

Hello, Jimmy.

Isn't this exciting?

We've always wanted
grandkids.

Oh, we sure have.

Even if it's not
so much a kid

as a sizzling mass
of alien energy.

( laughing )

( fakes laughter )

( gulping )

Uh, Jimmy,
does that little
spark there mean

it's a boy alien?

I don't know!

Carl, aren't
you worried?

This thing might
feed off your insides
or electrocute you

or grow until it
splits you in half.

Yeah, kids can be
a handful.

Hmm, this magnascope should be
linking with the alien's energy,

but there's
interference.

( shouts ):
Is that a fat joke?

( laughs ):
Because if so,
it's pretty funny...

( sobs ):
and very hurtful.

Oop, got to go.

The girls are throwing me
a baby shower.

Bye-bye.

And stop looking at my calves!

( girls all chattering )

CARL:
Oh, a jumper with six legs!

( girls exclaim )

Huh, is that
cute or what?

We also got
the 20-leg
expansion pack

in case it's born
with more.

If it's a legless mass
of energy, I saved the receipt.

Oh, thanks, gals.

I should have been implanted
with an alien growth long ago.

Okay, game time.

First we're going to play
diaper-baby-around-its-tail!

( all chatter at once )

It may not have
a tail,

but it can't hurt
to practice.

Carl, I've got the magnascope
to link with the alien

with no harm to it or you.

Um, thanks, Jimmy,
but I'm in mid-shower.

Carl, you're in danger,
and the last thing you need

is to be fawned over
by a bunch of girls.

Who wants
clotted cream
with their scones?

Uh... this is much
more masculine
than it looks.

Nerdtron, you're not
an authority on babies

just because you are one!

Sorry, I'm trying
to prevent my friend

from becoming
a smoldering pile of slag.

Would you pass
the scones?

Why, I'd
be delighted.

Fine!

If you need help
sweeping up Carl's ashes,

I'll be in my lab.

Boy, he's in a bad mood, huh?

He's just jealous because I'm
getting all the attention!

What other games do you have?

Hey, what's up
with the lights?

SHEEN:
Hey, Jimmy, wait up.

Holy Herculaneum.

It's made of the same energy
as the thing inside Carl.

No! The alien monsters
have come to punish us

for invading
their planet!

A plan I was against,
by the way.

JIMMY:
No, it's looking for something.

Unless I miss my guess,

that's the mom
of the alien in Carl,
come to claim her baby.

Whoa.

Get the girls
out of the house,

but keep Carl safe inside.

Got it: girls out,
Carl safe.

This electricity bill is
outrageous

and I won't pay it!

Ooh, I didn't know
you were so strapped for cash.

Will you take a check?

My counselor was right.

All I needed to curb my anger
was a hobby.

( sticks crash )

Okay, now I'm mad!

It's headed right for Carl.

If it only reduces him to
smoldering slag, he'll be lucky.

Bye, see ya.

Thanks for coming.

But this is my house.

Don't be selfish,
get out!

Sheen, what's going on?

Uh... it's time
for your breathing exercises.

First you fill up
your "diaphragum,"

then you empty
your "diaphragum."

Soothing, isn't it?

Well, I guess...

( shouts ):
Soothing, isn't it!

Yeah, yeah, it's
very soothing.

That's it, come on.

It's working.

( panting )

And now it's time for
calming visualization.

Picture a gentle lake
nestled among the mountains.

The water is placid.

But what's that?

Something's in the lake.

It's the legendary
hokey-pokey monster!

His gaze withers crops
and turns soda to bleach.

Run!

Run from the hokey-pokey!

Save your soda!
Save yourself!

( liquid splashes )

It's time.

Come on,
just a little closer.

Stop, Jimmy!

Carl? Carl, get back.

Don't hurt her.

I know what she wants.

Bye, Schmengo.

I'll miss you.

Carl, that hug
contained 10,000
volts of energy.

Wasn't it painful?

Saying goodbye
to your kids

is always
painful, Jimmy.

Hey, it looks
the same as
a month ago.

Don't desolate
planets ever change?

Come on,
guys.

( alien techno music playing )

BOYS:
Happy Birthday, Schmengo.

Hey, don't I
get a hug?

Don't forget
your Uncle Jimmy.

Uh, no, really,
it's okay.

Aah! Get away from me!

Carl!

Want some cake?

Yeah, a corner
piece, please.

JIMMY:
I'm not
kidding!

JIMMY:
You're in big trouble!

JIMMY:
Happy Birthday,
Great-Aunt Amanda.

You're looking more beautiful
and less wrinkly every year.

No thanks to you!

Your gadgets and gewgaws
have taken years off my life!

But, Aunt Amanda,
Jimmy's gadgets

have saved the town
dozens of times.

Sure. After he brought
down a giant meteor

to destroy us all.

Or those
evil aliens.

Or pants!

Horrible walking pants!

Which cousin
are you again?

Now, now, Newt, Kari, Cousin
Gomer, Cousin Annabelle...

( babbles )

and little Eddie--
let's not fight.

We've gathered together because
we love our dear Aunt Amanda

and not because
her fabulous wealth controls

our very destiny.

Yeah, can't we all
just get along?

No!

Because of you, the Neutron name
isn't respectable anymore.

Why can't you be nice
like your friends?

Mmm, I've been
waiting all year

to eat Aunt Kari's
salt paddies.

And this year's
147-bean salad is
the best one yet.

Oh, Hugh, maybe
we should just go.

No, no,
not yet, Mom.

I think
I've found a way

to win Aunt Amanda over.

Say, Aunt Amanda,

you haven't unwrapped
my present yet.

( rudely ):
Huh, so I haven't.

Why, it's a barbecue spatula.

I know how much you
love to barbecue.

That baby's got
17 electro-hydraulic
attachments

and a back
scratcher.

( all gasp )

I also brought a little
something for everyone.

Who wants a cybernetic
palm pager?

( all exclaim )

Well, Jimmy, this is
very thoughtful.

It's too bad

your dear old granny
couldn't be here
to see this.

But she's in Reno,
kicking butt at the slots!

( all cheer )

Aunt Amanda, may I
freshen your cider?

( high-pitched whining )

If only that
high-pitched whining

wasn't giving
me a migraine!

High-pitched wining?

Oh, no!

Aunt Amanda, look out!

My bean salad!

No!

Goddard, expando-shield, quick.

( expl*si*n booms )

( all gasp )

( cries )

Aunt Amanda,
I'm sorry.

The tritium
battery overloaded.

You little monster!

I knew you couldn't
be trusted.

It's not supposed to do that.

I swear,
it'll never happen again.

( high-pitched whining )

( cousins scream )

( expl*si*n booms )

James Isaac Neutron,
what were you thinking?

Nothing. I mean,
it must have been sunspots.

You're a menace,
young man!

( all grumble and shout )

Jimbo, get inside
the house

before Aunt Amanda
writes us out
of the will.

But, Dad... Mom!

No buts, mister.

March!

And take that horrible
dog with you!

( growls )

( whimpers )

Hey, Jimmy, are you okay?

Cheer up, Jimmy.

We brought
Aunt Kari's famous
migraine-inducing desserts.

We have a situation.

There is no reason those
presents should have exploded.

Someone bombarded the spatula
with delta waves.

Only a genius could
come up with that plan

and the delta waves came
from the backyard.

Do you realize
what that means?

Uh, Jimmy, do you mind
if we just keep eating?

It means there'sanother genius
in my family besides me.

An evil genius.

That's horrible!

Hey, Sheen,
you going to finish
that Death by Gelato?

Yeah, okay,
stop eating.

Sorry.
Sorry.

Goddard, isolate the Neutron
genius gene.

Compare the gene to DNA profiles
of all adult family members.

Hmm.

The two most likely
suspects would be

Cousin Gomer
or Cousin Annabelle.

Okay, so what
you're saying is

that one of them must
only be acting dumb.

( belches )
Or crazy.

We've got to find out
which one

before they make
another attempt.

Right.

To the buffet!

What? I'm still hungry!

JIMMY:
The coast is clear,

but I'm not allowed
to go out.

It's up to you, Sheen.

I need a DNA sample
from Gomer:

sweat, saliva, hair,
anything.

Oh, man!

Why do I always have to collect
fluids from the suspects?

Hey, Cousin Gomer.

Say, I'm kind of
a sweaty guy.

How about you?

Want to Greco-Roman
wrestle?

Maybe a quick 10K run.

I got my hand caught
in the pickle jar.

Ping-Pong it is!

This way, Captain Clueless.

Now, for Cousin Annabelle.

Use the old
Wheezer charm, Carl.

Or at least get her
to spit on you.

Okay.

Oh, I've got to be right.

I've got to have order.

Hey, Cousin Annabelle.

( shrieks )

Don't sneak up on me!

I have senseless
panic att*ck syndrome.

Uh... I'm allergic
to wheat.

Oh, really?

Go away!

So...

do you like
to... spit?

Oh! How am I supposed
to separate

the round toothpicks
from the flat ones

if you keep
interrupting me?!

Okay, um...
you have pretty hair.

Can I braid it?

Don't touch my head!

I have grooming-
anxiety issues.

Now I have to wash.

Water!
I need hot water!

But first I'll sort
the toothpicks.

Wow, Cousin Annabelle's nice.

Is she seeing anyone?

Hopefully a therapist.

Let's find out if
she's an evil genius.

JIMMY:
No DNA match.

That leaves Cousin Gomer.

And if I'm right,

he may be the most dangerous
intellect I've ever faced.

Gomer, we can't have
a sweaty game
of Ping-Pong

if you keep the paddle
in your mouth.

( spits and mumbles )

( slurps, then gulps )

But this is how
I serve my spit ball!

Success!

Yuck.

The charade is over,
Cousin Gomer.

Charade?

I thought we was
playing Ping-Pong.

I got his spit
right here, Jimmy.

In seconds
I'll have proof

that you tried to do away
with the family.

What do you say to that?

Can you touch your head
with your tongue?

I can.

( gurgling )

JIMMY:
Negative?

That means Gomer's not
the genius either.

I did that
for nothing?

( boys gasp )

( laughs wickedly )

( in adult voice ):
Haven't figured it out yet?

Cousin Eddie!

EDDIE:
I had you barking
up the wrong tree.

Maybe you ain't as bright
as everybody thinks.

How could I be so naive?

I only checked the DNA
of adults.

I never guessed
that...

A baby could be as smart as you?

Heck, I'm smarter.

And I'm only 17 1/2 months old.

Wait till I hit puberty--
bah-bang!

( laughs )

Why'd you do it,
Cousin Eddie, why?

For Aunt Amanda's
money, Sheen.

Ding. We got a winner.

Now, think fast, nimrods!

Nothing can escape from
my unbreakable fun rings.

You're a bad
baby, Eddie,

and you've got a diaper
full of evil.

Oh, what do we have here?

A tritium battery--
and a big one.

Eddie, no!

That battery could take out
the entire family.

Duh! Jimmy, sometimes you're
almost as dumb as Gomer.

There's match two, man!

Those rings
will keep shrinking

until the life's completely
squeezed out of you.

You adorable fiend!

Arrivederci, losers.

( laughs wickedly )

( growls )

( scatting ):
♪ Zappa du ba-ba,
zappa du ba-ba. ♪

♪ Zap zap zappity bo-ba! ♪

It's time for Aunt Amanda's
birthday cake, everyone.

Come on.

♪ Happy Birthday! ♪

♪ Happy Birthday! ♪

♪ Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday! ♪

♪ Happy Birthday... ♪

( all gasp )

Get down, everyone!

( all scream )

Too bad youdidn't
know about Goddard's
backup battery.

It's all over, Eddie.

Oh, you're going down, baby.

( grunting and groaning )

( all shriek )

All right, all right,
break it up now.

Jimbo, we told you
to stay in the house.

My baby.

This is the child
you raised,

a vicious
baby mauler?

Aunt Amanda,
Eddie's an evil genius.

He was trying
to blow everyone up

so he could get your fortune.

( in baby voice ):
Goo.

He takes after her
side of the family.

Hugh!

He may even
be adopted.

He looks nothing
like me.

There's that
noise again!

I know, Aunt Kari,
I reset Eddie's rattle.

It's programmed to overload.

( in adult voice ):
Oh, poopy!

You broke my rattle!

You dweeby,
no-good, pointy-headed,

weasel-faced freak!

Uh... I mean...
uh...

( in baby voice ):
Goo.

That baby's
a bad seed.

It's Jimmy who's
the good nephew.

( all cheer )

I'm so sorry
little Eddie tried
to destroy us all.

If I were you,
I'd keep him on a baby leash.

Oh, no,
not the leash!

I'll get you for this,
Jimmy, you hear me?

This ain't finished,
not by a long sh*t!

Hey, where's
my juicy cup?

EDDIE:
Where is the cup

that I can spill
without spilling?!

Dad, our family
is very weird.

It sure is, Son.

It sure is.

So, what do you want
me to say now?

JIMMY:
Got to blast!