01x03 - Gym/Birthday/Restaurant

[bunniefuu]

[playful electronic music]

[no audible dialogue]

[electronic communication in alien language]

[communication continues]

[intones angrily]


-Oh...
-Hmm...

Hmm... [orders sternly]

[muttering]

[grumbles] Mah!

[all] Oh!

[grumbles]

[clanking]

Ah!

Ooh!

[muttering excitedly]

[all] Ah!


-Oh!
-Oh...

[muttering]

[car alarm beeping]


-Hmm.
-Oh.

[fascinated gasping]

[chuckles] Ooh...

[squeals excitedly]

Mmm...


-[grumbles]
-Mee
-meep!

[muttering]

[struggling]

[moaning]


-Ah.
-Hmm.

[intrigued muttering]


-Ah.
-[beeping]

Mee mee
-meep. Mee
-meep.


-Mee
-meep?
-Ah
-hum.

Oh. Ah.


-Ah! [thud]
-Oh!

[grunts dejectedly]

[babbling]


-[beeping]
-Oh...


-Ha, ha!
-[babbles]

Oh.


-Meep meep.
-[beeps]

[mutters hesitantly]

[meeps frantically]


-[grumbles]
-[panicked meeps]

[beeping]

[panicked babbling]


-Ah!
-Oof!

[amused babbling]


-Ah!
-Ow!

[consecutive thuds]

[intrigued muttering]

[digital hum]


-Mee mee
-meep!
-[confused babbling]

[grunting with effort] Hmm.

Yah!

[both] Ah!


-Uh
-oh.
-Oh.

[panicked babbling]

Ah! [groans]

[intense screaming]


-Uh...
-Ha
-ha!

Ah!

[crashing]


-Ooh.
-Whoa.

[triumphantly] Ha, ha, ha!

[gasping]

[muttering]

[babbles encouragingly]

[grunting with effort]

[astounded gasps]


-Argh!
-Yah!


-Ooh...
-Hey!


-Hmm.
-Wah.

[muttering]

Mm
-hmm.

[metal rattling]

[rumbling]


-Ah! [yells frantically]
-[dinging]

[both] Ah, ooh, oh...

[whimpers]


-Wah!
-Ah!

[crashing]


-Hmm.
-Mmm.

Ha
-ha!

[door crashing]


-Oh?
-Hmm?

[triumphant babbling]

[moans]


-Mmm.
-[car alarm beeping]

[grumbles]

[speaking in alien language]

[English voiceover] Greetings, viewers across the nebula.

What do humans love more than anything?

Doing nothing!

They love it so much, they build places called "gyms",

where they can perfect doing nothing with machines that do nothing

and go nowhere, ever.

No matter how long they pedal or climb,

these bikes and stairways take them nowhere at all.

With such acute focus on the art of doing nothing,

it's no surprise humans have mastered nothing in intergalactic travel.

This is Ixbee, reporting from the planet that leads the universe in nothing:

Earth.

[conversation in alien language]

Hmm.

[confused muttering]

[upbeat workout music]

[sighs]

Meep moop meep moop. Mee mee mee?

[grunting with effort]

[babbles in frustration]

[music continues]

[meeps enthusiastically]

[babbles to the music]

[muttering]

[meeps rhythmically]

[squeals curiously]

Whoa!


-[babbles excitedly]
-[mutters questioningly]

Meep mop... Ooh!

[mutters]

[grumbles]


-[meeps curiously]
-Whoa.


-Hmm.
-[meeps excitedly]

[grumbles]

[children screaming]


-Hmm.
-Oh.

[imitates duck quacking]

Ugh. [mutters]

[confused babbling]


-Hmm...
-[party blower squeaks]


-Huh?
-Mmm.

[squeaks]

[inhales deeply]

[gulping]

[burps\squeaks]

[farts\squeaks]


-Bleh!
-[disappointed muttering]

[all] Ah!

Mee moo mee moo!


-[ordering]
-[whimpers reluctantly]

[sighs]

[meeps inquiringly]

[inquires again]

Hmm...


-[popping]
-[all] Ah!

[bumbling uneasily]


-Uh...
-[whistles innocently]

Mee moop.

[meeps in fascination]

[all] Whoa...

[mutters]


-Hmm.
-[grumbles]

Mm
-hmm! [meeps demonstratively]

[anxiously] Uh.


-Ah!
-Wah.


-[yells angrily]
-[laughs]

Ah! [meeps frantically]

Meep mee
-mee meep.

Whoa!

[whines]

[yells reassuringly]

[high
-pitched] Moop!

[giggles excitedly]


-Ah...
-[high
-pitched babbling]

[popping]

[both] Bah!

[both] Oof!


-Ah!
-[giggles]

[squeals nervously]

[passes gas] Ah...

[babbling]

[passes gas] Wah!

Whoo!

[coughs]

[Blue Danube Waltz playing]

[passes gas rhythmically]

Whoo
-hoo!

[stunned muttering]

[continuous passing of gas] Ah!

Uh... [prolonged screeching]

[splattering]

[muffled babbling]

[grunting with effort]

Bah!

[griping]

[gulps] Mmm!

[babbles pensively]

[Ixbee babbles frantically]

Ha
-ha!

[munching]

Ah...

[consecutive belching]

Hey... [mutters]

[all] Oh!

[eager babbling]

[panting]

Ooh...


-[chuckles]
-Whoa!

[gleeful shrieking]

Whoo
-hoo
-hoo!

[shrieking continues]

[groaning]

[retching]

[moaning]

[babbles energetically]

[children shrieking]

[gasping]

[joyful laughter]

[traumatized muttering]

Hmm...

[meeping like a heart monitor]


-Meep mop.
-Meep mop.

[heart monitor meeping continues]


-[mutters irritably]
-[responds apologetically]


-Mee mop.
-Mee mop.


-[inflating]
-Ah.

[party blower squeaks]

[both] Ah!

[panicked babbling]


-[popping]
-[screaming]

[all] Oh...

[whistles innocently]

[innocent babbling]

[speaking in alien language]

[English voiceover] Greetings, beings of the omniverse!

Humans are a strange yet harmless race in adult form.

However, the young larvae of the species, or children as they're known,

are extremely dangerous creatures.

Don't be fooled. Their irresistible smiles are a trap.

A warning if ever you find yourself on Earth

and have the misfortune to hear

the tell
-tale giggle of the terrifying human child:

Run!

Get back to your home planet and thank the lucky stars

you lived to tell the tale!

This is Ixbee for Alien TV,

reporting from the scariest place in the universe: Earth.

[electronic communication in alien language]


-Hmm...
-Ah...

[describes amusingly]

Num, num, num.

[laughing]

[intones angrily] Mah!

Hmm...

[muttering]

Oh... Whoa.

Ah! Ah?

[grumbles]

[babbling curiously]

[muttering]

[consecutively] Hmm.

Mah!

[clears throat]

Mee mom.

[all] Whoa...

[exclaims]

Aw.

[babbles inquiringly]

[curiously] Hmm.


-[mutters]
-[whispers]

[background chatter]

[soft jazz music]

Mmm.


-[mutters]
-Moo moo?


-Bah...
-[confused babbling]

[gulping]

[laughs uneasily]


-Ah.
-Ooh.

Ah! [distressed babbling]


-[mutters]
-[babbles anxiously]

[whimpers]

[gags]

[chewing]

[laughs uneasily]

[gurgling]

[gagging]


-Gah!
-[chokes]

[exclaims triumphantly]

[murmurs gently]

Hmm...

Whoa...

[babbles excitedly]

[grunts discouragingly]

[French fine
-dining music]

[sophisticated muttering]


-Oh.
-Mmm?

[gasps]

[confused babbling]

[repeatedly] Bah bah bah!


-Mmm.
-Ah...

[tongue rolling]


-[sneezes]
-[glass shattering]

[pleased] Ah.

[chuckles]

Ooh.

Hmm.

[Ixbee gasps]

[grunting angrily]


-[waiter clears throat]
-Oh.

[clears throat]

Hmm...

[babbles]

[mutters]

Oh!


-Oof!
-Ah!

Oof!

Oof!


-Oof!
-[enraged babbling]

Whoa...

[muttering]

[gasping]

[music continues]


-[woman] Ah!
-[people gasp]

[woman shrieks]

[people screaming]


-[hurried babbling]
-[panting]

[cheerfully] Mee moo mee!

[jubilant exclamations]

[muttering]

[jubilant exclamations]

[gasps]

[babbles excitedly]

[English voiceover] Greetings, viewers across the nebula.

If you think you love eating,

wait till you see how much humans love eating.

They love it so much that in order to eat enough,

they eat other things that love eating.

There are even places on Earth

where humans bring you other things that love eating,

just so you can eat them.

So it pays to be out of arm's reach or unappetizing,

though they seem to eat pretty much anything.

There is one thing I can understand them eating, though.

This amazing squishy yellow stuff.

[mouth full] This is Ixbee,

reporting from the hungriest planet in the universe: Earth.