BIG PETE:
This is Wellsville,
my hometown.
In a lot of ways, Wellsville
is like most towns in America.
The streets are safe.
( blows whistle )
The mail almost
arrives on time.
And the ice cream man knows
just how to b*at
the summer heat.
But there's one thing about
Wellsville you won't find
in any other town,
and it's something that makes us
tremble in fear.
( phone ringing )
It's a phone.
A seemingly ordinary pay phone
that's been ringing
for 27 years.
( ringing continues )
Why doesn't someone answer it?
Everybody has a theory.
Hey, you get within five feet
of that baby
and-- whew-- it's liquid brains.
( chuckles )
Not me, Chief.
I heard that when you answer it
you learn the exact day, hour,
minute and second that you die.
( booming thud )
BIG PETE:
Even the phone company
was afraid to go near it.
Uh, we're-we're not afraid,
exactly.
Phone regulations.
It's a private call.
The longer it rang,
the less it seemed
like anyone
would ever answer it.
( ringing continues )
But someone was about to try,
and Wellsville would
never be the same.
Subtitle Rip: uNCeNSoReD
? Hey, smilin' strange ?
? You're lookin'
happily deranged ?
? Can you settle to sh**t me ?
? Or have you picked
your target yet? ?
? Hey, Sandy ?
? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?
? Does your dog bite? ?
? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?
? Hey, Sandy ?
? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?
? Hey, Sandy ?
? Does your dog bite? ?
? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?
? Hey, Sandy ?
? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?
? Hey, Sandy ?
? Does your dog bite? ?
? Ay-yi-yi-yi ?
? Hey, Sandy, hey. ?
( phone ringing )
( sizzling )
BIG PETE:
It was the hottest,
doggiest dog day of the summer.
The kind of day you don't
just stick to vinyl,
you stick to everything.
It was one of those days
when all your summer dreams
are b*rned out of your memory
like butt flesh
on a super-heated back seat.
In some towns they blame
the heat and the humidity,
but here in Wellsville,
we factor in the mind-shattering
sound of the ringing phone.
( phone ringing )
It drove some people insane.
( ringing continues )
Our mom, who has
a metal plate in her head,
had the hardest time of all.
She says the ringing causes
a sympathetic vibration
in her skull.
( phone ringing )
Honey, I'll get it.
Hello?
Yeah, I'm ready.
Call me right back.
To help her out, Dad fixed it
so that when someone called,
instead of the phone ringing,
a different appliance
would turn on.
I've got it rigged
to the stove alarm.
N-Now, watch it.
( sizzling )
Well, I guess
there's a few bugs I need
to work out, you know?
( coughs )
BIG PETE:
As for me, I was content
to spend the rest of the summer
on our cool basement floor.
It wasn't exactly thrillsville,
but at least I wasn't outside.
( insect buzzing )
GIRL ( groggily ):
Green splattered horsefly, 5:00.
It's going after Carl.
LITTLE PETE ( groggily ):
Carl, you've got
to get out of there.
CARL ( groggily ):
It's on me.
It's biting.
( dramatic
music plays )
( laughs )
BIG PETE:
Impervious to the summer heat,
( Artie grunting )
even Pete's superhero Artie
couldn't pull their vacation
out of the sinkhole.
All right!
Buzz off.
( shouts )
About the only two people
still functioning in town
were my mom
and my best friend, Ellen,
helping out at the Ringing
Phone Crisis Center.
( phone rings )
( glass shatters )
( sighs )
Hello?
ELLEN:
There's a freak-out on
the corner
of Douglas and Maple. Hurry!
( gasps )
Got to book.
What have we got, Hub?
Looks like a Four-17.
Your jacket!
Oh.
( whispers ):
Thank you.
( hydraulic whirring )
Pete!
Answer the phone.
( sighs )
Hello?
Pete, there's a phone crisis
at Patterson Field.
We could really use a volunteer.
Uh, I'd like to,
but... I'm on to something.
I can see this little
half-finger in the middle.
Pete, your mom's on a call.
It's really important.
You're the only one
I can turn to.
It's life or death.
( sighs )
( tearing )
I was on my way.
CLEM:
The boredom...
CARL:
Make it stop!
k*ll us, Artie.
Hurry.
ARTIE:
Soon you will be
as cheese, boy.
Melty, melty,
melty...
( echoing ):
See bike.
Shiny bike.
Shiny bike... go...
Follow... shiny... bike.
BIG PETE:
As I raced to the rescue,
Pete and his friends
followed me,
the way a fish follows a lure.
( phone ringing )
HUB:
Hey, kid!
Over there.
( ringing continues )
Ow!
Quick!
Stay low and watch out
for paper cuts.
( ringing continues )
Oh!
Okay.
What's she doing?
She's trying
to break away
from the Earth's
gravitational pull.
She'll do anything
to get away
from the ringing.
Listen, I need you
to start playing.
I don't care what,
just make it loud.
Right.
( phone continues ringing )
( Artie grunts )
Hello, Mailwoman McGinty!
I was wondering if we could have
a little talk.
But first, let
me answer that
ringing phone.
Hello?
Oh, sorry, wrong number.
There, i-it stopped.
Now we can have
that little talk.
No more phone?
ELLEN:
No more phone.
BIG PETE:
You okay?
Oh, oh.
( whispers ):
It's okay.
That was amazing.
Well, that's what it's
all about, Pete--
helping people out.
Is there anything
else I can do?
Well, we could really use
some help at the center.
But it's not always
this glamorous.
I want to help.
Suddenly, I had a mission.
And as it turned out,
Pete had one, too.
( clapping )
I got it.
( fly buzzing )
It'll save the summer,
and make us heroes.
What are you
talking about?
What is it?
( fly buzzing )
We're gonna answer
the ringing phone.
( phone ringing )
For 27 nerve-splintered years,
Wellsville had wondered
who would save them
from the wrath
of the ringing phone?
Now we had our answer.
There was Libby Hurley,
who had mastered
the Vulcan nerve pinch.
Clem Linell
could hypnotize dogs.
Nona Mecklenberg's
speech patterns
could cloud men's minds.
Pete could produce
seven kinds of body cheese.
And then there was Artie,
whose powers were endless.
Oh, green pipe,
I will destroy you yet.
( laughs )
( grunts )
Finally, there was Carl Hayde,
who had the power
of being a complete wuss.
What's the matter?
Can't... move.
Must be... force field.
How come I could
get through, huh?
CARL:
Field must
be... attuned
to my body frequency.
Get real.
You're pathetic,
just so you know.
BIG PETE:
They had lost Carl
to the ringing phone.
Maybe they'd even
be better off without him.
( phone ringing )
But as they marched on
to their destiny,
they couldn't help
but wonder...
who would be next?
( ringing continues )
For 27 years the ringing phone
had made our town
a hostage to fear.
While Pete and his friends
tried to stop the insanity
all at once,
I was stopping it
one person at a time.
( phone ringing )
I can't hear you!
Somebody answer
this phone!
I'm sorry, sir.
You'll have to speak up.
( loud grunting )
Oh...
Is that better?
Much.
Now what were you saying?
When will it stooo...
( feedback screeching )
..ooop?!
BIG PETE:
Hello?
( dial tone plays )
Hello?
Hello? Sir?
Sometimes they're just
looking for answers.
What do you tell them?
It's not like you
know when it'll stop.
( phone ringing )
We know when
it started.
May 15, 1967.
Look.
But who was the call for?
I mean, was
somebody expecting it?
They think so, but
nobody knows who it was.
What if you could find
that person?
Oh, Pete.
Don't you see?
That's the person
the call was meant for.
Maybe they're the person
who has to answer it.
It makes total sense.
Pete, let's just get
back to work, okay?
Rookie.
NONA:
After we do it,
and we're famous,
would you rather
have your face
on a postage stamp
or on a license plate?
Or, you know, one
of those cereal bowls
where you eat
all your cereal
and see a face?
I want my face on some money.
Yeah.
HUB:
Incoming!
What are
you doing, Hub?
Saving you from a fate worse
than death. That's what.
Whose are they?
They belonged to a guy
named Len Flang.
Thought he could be a hero,
and answer the phone.
That's all that's left of him.
( shoes drop )
LITTLE PETE:
They're fake.
If he blew up,
they'd be goo.
ARTIE:
Onward...
my Vikings.
I can't go.
Let me guess.
A force field, right?
Nope. Just chicken.
Fair enough.
See you later.
When we're on a lunch box!
( phone ringing )
BIG PETE:
And then there were four.
Five, if you count Petunia.
( phone ringing )
ELLEN:
It's just a pay phone, sir--
circuits, metal and plastic.
Why do you want to sh**t it
with a harpoon g*n?
BIG PETE:
I wanted to be
a good volunteer,
but I had to find out
who the phone call was for
so I could lift
the curse forever.
( phone ringing )
Hello, and thanks for calling
the Ringing Phone hot line.
I wonder if you'd help us
with a little questionnaire.
Question one:
It was you, wasn't it?
You're the one who
didn't answer the phone.
Confess!
Oh, hi, Mom.
Pete, we're here
to help people,
not frighten them.
I am trying to help.
I'll tell you what.
Why don't you
take a lunch break?
It's your first day here.
Take it easy.
But, Mom, I'm hot!
I'm onto something.
Lunch break.
I had to stop the curse.
A curse that left
its brand of madness
on everyone it touched.
( phone ringing )
Yee-haw!
Pete and his friends tried
to keep their spirits up,
but the combination
of heat and fear
was beginning to take its toll.
Hot.
So hot!
Tastee!
( screams )
Get away! Get away!
Aah...
Come on, Clem.
You're talking crazy.
( grunting )
Away with you,
mind messer!
Take a look, Clemmy.
We're almost there!
( Artie chuckling )
( phone ringing )
BIG PETE:
As for me, I was there,
frustrated because I couldn't
find the answers
I was looking for.
I tried to keep my cool,
but the ringing phone
was mocking me.
Who have you come for?
Who?!
Tell me!
I'm not afraid of you!
ECHOING VOICE:
Maybe you should be.
( click )
( phone ringing )
Stand back.
I know that voice.
You called the hot line.
What are you doing?
Don't be alarmed.
I'm a psychiatrist.
A psychiatrist?
Maybe you can help me.
( phone ringing )
Meanwhile, one last obstacle
stood in the way
of the Magnificent Four.
Out of our way,
gatekeepee!
CROSSING GUARD:
Sorry, Chief.
I can't let you cross.
This street's been declared
a danger area.
I call it a stovetop.
( pop )
NONA:
It takes more
than some hot asphalt
to stop us.
( Artie laughing )
BIG PETE:
But Nona was wrong.
In fact, it took nothing
more than hot asphalt
to stop them in their tracks.
Great. Now we're stranded.
You'll have
to go on without us.
You can break the code
of the crosswalk, Chief,
but you can't break the laws
of physics.
That's what you
think, cross boy!
( grunting )
Onward, my Viking!
CLEM:
Go, Pete! Go, Pete!
NONA:
Come on!
ARTIE:
Come on,
my Viking!
That's it.
And then
the other shoe,
and then...
( grunting )
Problem.
Prob... lem!
Hey, smart guys, what do you got
to say for yourselves now?
Aah!
It's over.
Kaput!
Curse you!
At least we tried
to save the town.
Yeah.
( wailing )
Hey!
What do you want
on your tombstone?
"Here lies Pete and Artie.
They answered the call."
( laughs )
Ellen! Ellen!
No, no, no, no, no.
A psychiatrist--
a Dr. Burt Looper--
he drew up this whole
psychiatric profile
of the first passerby.
No, listen, listen.
"Probably filled with guilt.
"Feels the need
"to help out-- maybe here.
Disturbed by the sound
of ringing phones."
Wow.
Who could it be?
( phone ringing )
I was about to find out.
Ringing Phone Crisis Center.
Hey, son, it's Dad!
I think I've finally
got it all figured out.
Call me back, huh?
And, if this works,
your mother will never
have to worry about a phone
ringing in this house again.
( wires zapping, Dad screaming )
Mom?
( screaming continues )
( phone ringing )
Boy? Boy!
Don't let it smell your fear.
Too late.
( groans )
BIG PETE:
Finally, Pete and Artie
had come face-to-face
( ringing continues )
with their dreaded foe.
( grunts ) Your kind
never learns, does it?!
No, Artie.
Don't do it.
( scoffs )
Please, boy, stand back!
This phone is going
down, for I am Artie...
( laughs )
( grunts )
...the strongest man...
( phone ringing )
...in the world!
( phone ringing )
BIG PETE:
And then there was one.
( whispers ):
Take care of him, okay?
( whistling,
picking tune )
It's the last roundup,
Cowboy Ed.
Time for all good dogies
to mosey on to bed.
You giddyap now.
I know, Mom.
Know what, dear?
It was you,
wasn't it?
The phone call.
It was for you
this whole time.
Why didn't
you answer it?
( sighs ) Pete...
I was younger
than you!
I-I was just walking by,
and it started ringing,
and I thought it
might be for me,
but I was afraid.
For 27 years?
Yeah, well, I
volunteer every day.
And I've done everything
I possibly can to help.
Except answer it.
Oh. I'm sorry.
Look, I got to go.
What's going on?
MAN:
Somebody's going to
answer the phone!
Who?
Your brother.
Pete?
Pete!
( tires screeching )
BIG PETE:
It had all come down to this.
Pete was as scared
as he'd ever been.
But as he felt the panic
surge through his body,
he finally understood the curse
of the ringing phone.
( phone ringing )
I'll get it.
It wasn't about learning
the moment of your death,
or liquefying your brains.
The curse was living in fear,
and that was something
he couldn't live with
anymore.
Excuse me. Trained professional
coming through. Excuse me!
Joyce, what...
what are you doing?
Something I should
have done 27 years ago.
BIG PETE:
Pete! Pete! Pete!
Pete, no!
Pete,
it's up to me.
( ringing )
( birds chirping )
( grunts, sighs )
( relieved chuckling )
Hello?
It's for you.
Hello?
MOM:
Mm-hmm.
Um... this is kind of personal.
Would you mind?
Uh-huh.
You know, you could
have just called me at home.
Mm-hmm.
Why don't we talk
about it, okay?
BIG PETE:
For 27 years, Hub Callister
had been reaching out
to my mom.
27 years of waiting for one
woman to answer his call.
I've loved you
since the seventh grade.
I just couldn't
bring myself to...
tell you in person,
so I called you on the phone
when you walked by one day.
Hub.
When you didn't answer,
I just... kept
it ringing.
I got this job to stay with it.
I just hoped that,
someday, you'd pick it up.
( sighs ):
Well, Hub...
I like you.
But, um...
I love my husband.
You understand,
don't you?
BIG PETE:
After nearly three decades
of fear,
the curse was finally over.
( applause )
But, as we were about to learn,
the Legend of the Ringing Phone
would never end.
( phone ringing )
Hub knew that Mom would
never pick up the phone,
but it didn't really matter.
To him, the rings were like
an eternal flame
he kept lit by simply
staying on the line.
To this day,
when we hear the rings,
it reminds us that true love--
if it's really true--
doesn't need an answer.
02x03 - The Call
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Centers around two brothers, both named Pete Wrigley, and their humorous and surreal adventures in suburbia among their equally eccentric friends, enemies, and neighbors.
Centers around two brothers, both named Pete Wrigley, and their humorous and surreal adventures in suburbia among their equally eccentric friends, enemies, and neighbors.