03x04 - Splashdown!

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

this is the wellsville municipal pool

it opens every year on the first day of

summer it closes just after labor day

and in between lies

[Music]

paradise

for those 12 weeks

every radio station plays your favorite

song

every can opener feels like it's in

slo-mo

and every trip to the deep end seems

more beautiful than the last

in this chlorinated wonderland one

person was in charge of preserving the

peace

that person was me

[Music]

most of my subjects obeyed me

some

would come to adore me

but in the end

one would try to destroy me

[Music]

have you picked me

[Music]

me

[Applause]

[Music]

with most summer jobs

you whack some weeds inhale some paint

fumes maybe

scrape it some grilled gunk with a

spatula

and then you look up

the summer's gone

there's one job however where you don't

miss the summer you rule the summer

and this is your throne the krebstar

2000 hydro thruster fully loaded with

hydraulic lift controls and butt

friendly no stick cushions

gp i don't know do you think you can

handle it

i think the question is can the hydro

thruster handle me handling this

soon you will know my power oh and what

power would that be rookie

you gotta learn to crawl before you can

fly

meet head lifeguard matt uplinger your

average ordinary power tripping

with a not so average need to be taken

seriously as a full-blown adult

thank you mr jabba for being

so good to me

nothing like a cup of fresh brew to get

you going

right mr w

makes me want to go out there and

build a mighty dam

so uh

while you're out would it be okay if i

sat in the chair didn't i mention

something about

learning to crawl

by that applinger meant learning to suck

as in the big suck

a job that yielded

many treasures from the d

looking good rook

starting tomorrow there's something else

in that water i'm gonna need you to deal

with

no matt nothing i'm afraid so

there's a dark side to the paradise of

the pool

a yellow evil that lurks in the warm

spots created by a mysterious pea

t*rror1st known only as

yes

the urinator

why doesn't somebody do something

somebody is gonna do something

it's a

chemical agent that reacts with human

tinkle

and our twisted mastermind strikes oh

and he will

bright green slick is gonna

lead us right to him

so until then we just wait right

wrong

of all the fantasies i had ever had

about being a lifeguard none of them

involved searching for a madman with a

bladder problem but i had to find him if

i ever wanted to sit on the throne of

summer

what are you doing monica prowling

reporting for duty you want to nail this

punk put a crab scout on your pew patrol

fine just keep it down with that pee

patrol stuff okay oh i get it an

undercover job smart

i'm with you

condor

keep me covered

hey p

how's it going this is your second day

right yeah hey

it's the second day a lot of um a lot of

action just uh save the kid's life uh

right ellen

he's so brave

i'm a lifestyle guarding lives is what i

do with this pool it's pretty big

no hot spots in this quadrant condor

we're in a wee wee free zone

my perfect summer was melting like a

sludge sickle but then uplinger uttered

two words

two words that changed the tide of

history

you know what that music means

youngsters

it's time for

adult swim

[Applause]

once again won't you please welcome the

adults of wellsville municipal pool

weighing in at a sturdy 240 pounds he's

a driving range owner that likes to call

himself the king of the road say hi to

dawn

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

nothing makes a kid's blood boil more

than the dreaded adult swim

ever since 1954 when the supreme court

declared them constitutional kids have

been deprived of their inalienable right

to do underwater handstands whenever

they want to

maybe you can stop me butt linger

maybe you can stop away

i have the meshes chafing me

but there's one kid you can't stop hey

everybody

raise your hand if you like collect your

kills

pete sabotage had toast in adult swim

and according to uplinger

my sh*t at senior lifeguard would be

toast too

unless i somehow talked some sense into

my brother

wrigley on the warpath he's kicking butt

he's taking names he's kicking butt all

over again

man oh man did you show up linger who

rules the pool

a bling is a brain clock you got that

right kyle he actually thought he could

get me to pressure you

into laying off adult swim

so that's so they're crazy right where

did i go

i told him matt

being a senior lifeguard might be the

only thing i've ever wanted in my whole

life

but i'm not gonna put the squeezeroni on

my own bro just to get it

i mean if pete wants to be a nice guy

that's one thing but

look

adult swim is a disease

the pool is for everybody

why do they get to hogging

exactly right bro

that's what i told matt myself

i felt like a rat think but uplinger had

left me with no choice

to get the ultimate job i'd have to

protect adult swim with the ultimate

w*apon

of all the low things you've ever done

this is the lowest

thank you for sharing

this adult swim is brought to you by

crab full of nuts coffee the fresh roast

flavor adults prefer

three to one

now clear the pool

[Music]

forgive me pete

it was the unmistakable sound of mr

tasty's magical ice cream chimes

no kid could resist it

[Music]

hey

[Music]

oh

i'm impressed rookie

what do you say you and me we make a

deal

you keep your brother away from adult

swim for the rest of the week

and i'll crown you

senior

lifeguard

[Music]

finally

i'd be king

and along with my throne would come the

power

the glory

and the dog

vengeance will be mine

my brother and i had fought epic battles

before

but never had the stakes been so high

for both of us

pete's dream was to destroy adult swim

if i stopped him i'd get a sh*t at my

dream to rule the pool as a senior

lifeguard

if i didn't take him on i had a

disgusting feeling my summer was going

to be

a long one

monica

i'm in a warm spot

the urinators got me

don't move condor i'm gonna go down and

get some readings if it's fresh i might

have a sh*t at getting that quiz master

oh

hey pete

what's the matter you look kind of

worried

worried

yeah i am worried worried about the

safety of the people in this pool

yeah it's an important thing timmy

you won't believe it the warm spot

you're standing in is only three minutes

old

[Music]

enough was enough i knew what i had to

do

i'm your man man

let's get this over with

you make the call rook

now remember

you've got the power to dock

three docks and it's good night irene

your brother's banned from the pool for

the entire

summer

[Music]

attention attention

all you youngsters

it's time for

adult

swim

[Music]

he's out there on i can feel it

he's waiting to make his move

he's toying with me

[Applause]

[Music]

good afternoon ma'am great day for a

swim wouldn't you say

you got that right sonny

[Music]

infiltrating adult swim and then pulling

the plug in the pool was a brilliant

plan

but in the end

it was no match for the big suck

sorry pete you know the rules i'm gonna

have to dock you then we used to be

brothers don't make this any harder than

it has to be

i think this is hard now

you what

while i waited for pete's counter strike

i tried to warn adults that one docking

was nothing to a commando like my

brother

nobody seemed too worried though

[Applause]

gross

i think i'm gonna ralph

[Applause]

what are you

doing i'm sending a secret emergency

distress call to pete

what's up once i'm a flipper

wayne

you're such a

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

you're doc mister that's two one more

and you can say sayonara

blow it out your ears

[Applause]

[Music]

don't you think this has gone far enough

he is your brother

or

he was

hey you're wrigley wrigley's work things

out

talk to him

this whole thing is your fault not mine

did you guys hear something

just the wind flapping

i think i heard a bee

this is so stupid you could be swimming

right now

just get it through your head

adults have rights too

not to kick us out anytime they want the

whole world is theirs

all we're asking for is one stinking

pool

we belong here and you know it

pete

things are

different now

i'm a lifeguard

no you're not

you're a traitor

to all kids

everywhere

was i a traitor

maybe

my brother pete waited the whole year

for summer if i docked him one last time

it would all be over in an eye blank

lindy

what are you doing here the pool's

closed i know

but i just love swimming at night oh me

too the water seems more slippery

and it's so quiet

you can hear your heartbeat

i know

[Music]

sweetheart

i thought you wanted to swim

oh we were just talking

oh i'm sorry pudding

until he proves himself tomorrow

all he's allowed to do is suck isn't

that right

see you tomorrow pete

yeah

see ya

the next day i knew what had to be done

brother or no brother there was no

turning back

the fate of the whole summer would come

down to one

last adult swim

give me the mic matt

now

take us home bro

kids

out

[Applause]

adults

in

i mean you miss

[Music]

it would all be over in 60 minutes

enough time for pete to att*ck from any

angle with any weapons

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]

so

[Music]

you did it rock you made this pool safe

for adults everywhere

there's still a minute left

you broke them you showed them who rules

this pool

take the throne

mr

senior

lifeguard

the hydro thruster

help yourself to a

cup of hot brew

you b*rned it

ah

thank you mr java you're so very good to

me

[Music]

finally i was the king of summer

the master of the pool

and the master of my destiny

[Music]

there's still 30 seconds of adult swim

left

if you jump now i'll have to dock you

you'll be banished for the entire season

[Music]

just wait 10 more seconds

why blow your whole summer

because there are some things in life

worth dying for you used to know that

you used to care

so go ahead destroy me

my splash will live on

[Applause]

no

[Applause]

see your lifeguard begin docking

procedures now

did you see that splash whoa

you want to sit in that chair wrigley

you gotta pull the handle

do it

[Music]

flush that core dog right out of here

i hate to do this pete

but you leave me no choice

[Music]

[Applause]

total annihilation

[Music]

call that a splash let me show you the

way we used to do it back in the motor

city

[Music]

pete's atomic can opener had created a

nuclear chain reaction that nothing

could stop

and as adults remembered how to be kids

again

everyone forgot why they needed adult

swims

in the first place

[Music]

hey

hey

dad what's going on here would you like

to show some dignity

you

don't have anything to say before i

dethrone you

yeah as a matter of fact i do

urinator

what

what's this

it's you

that's what you think of this is a setup

yeah i'm one of you you want to hold

your own with the adults uplinger you

got to hold it in i don't know what

you're talking about

ask your bladder then it'll tell you too

much coffee you had to go bad real bad

bad enough to switch the chemicals so

they wouldn't get caught too bad i

caught on

urinating

and so

the evil urinator was destroyed

adult swim was officially dead and as

for pete's splash

it did live on

here at the wellsville municipal pool

known to some

as paradise

[Music]

[Applause]

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[Applause]

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that's

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[Applause]

[Music]

you know

is

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]