10x08 - Moments of Silence

[bunniefuu]

This programme contains
strong language.

Taskmaster was recorded
in accordance with all

social distancing guidelines
in place at the time of filming.

SHE GIGGLES

SHE BURBLES LOUDLY

LOUD STATIC

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, welcome to Taskmaster.

Let's cut to the chase, shall we?

You're all here to watch
some credible comedians go to

incredible lengths to impress me.

Much like a Roman Emperor,
I've bathed in ass's milk

and had vigorous sexual liaisons
with my personal assistant.

I am ready to be entertained.

Bring on the gladiators!

Daisy May Cooper!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Johnny Vegas!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Katherine Parkinson!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Mawaan Rizwan!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And Richard Herring!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And next to me,
a sort of bearded jellyfish.

Pretty Woman is his favourite film,

and he collects teapots
that look like cottages.

It's little Alex Horne!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

What's happening?
Well, I've invented an app.

My first app. Oh, right.
Can I sell it to you? Yes, please.

Well, you know when you're talking
to someone and they're really

mean to you, and you feel very sad
inside but you don't want to show it

because that would be a display
of weakness? Yes?

You get the app, right,
you get on your iPad,

and you strap it on your head.

And then,
they can't see your emotions.

THEY LAUGH

Shall we try it out? Look at that.
Yeah, you can talk to me now.

Once, your wife told me that you
often complain of feeling lonely

even when you're with people.

LAUGHTER

Yeah, it's an early edition.

Right, then! Let's get started.
Prize Task. Mm!

Yes, and we're flying high today,
because we've asked them to bring in

the best thing with wings! Cool.

Whoever has brought in the best
thing with wings will win the round,

gain five points,
and almost certainly develop

a temporary swagger.

Then at the end of this episode,
the person with the most points

overall will take home all five
winged things and feel pretty fly.

OK, then. Johnny,
what's your best thing with wings?

Chips!

OK.

Here are his chips.
What do you mean?

Wings. Chips.

So, he's saying they taste nice
with wings. Perfect accompaniment.

What do you mean, with wings?
No-one just says wings.

LAUGHTER

It's the first thing
that came to mind,

and I honestly couldn't top it.

I went with instinct,
and it was wings, chips.

Yeah, I guess Johnny...
Again, you can't just say wings.

Well, if you have some chicken
wings, what would you want with it?

Well, I don't like eating chicken
on the bone, it makes me feel sick.

I know that. And a bit scared.

Richard.
Have you got anything better?

Oh. Which I did enjoy. Yeah.

Funny how I used to be a fan, innit?

THEY LAUGH

Here is... here is Histor.

That's a genuinely good prize.

Oh, really? ls it a treasured thing?

Oh, dean Katherine?

I think I didn't realise that,
this round, you were giving points.

Erm, so I've just been a bit...
This is our eighth episode.

LAUGHTER

Erm, OK, I've brought in
a dead wasp.

Here it is, the dead wasp.

JOHNNY: Yeah, I don't mind it.

I suppose it sort of represents
nature in a more profound way

than is immediately obvious.

Because a dead wasp represents
life and death. So much.

Badgers do.

Oh, God, that...

Another fact about wasps -
if a stray wasp, like,

flies onto a train, it can find
its way home after a few stops.

Because it actually looks
for landmarks out the window.

OK, that's not true.

I was told that...
There's no truth in that!

There's no truth in it.
They look for landmarks.

She is telling the truth, yeah,

wasps can recognise
landmarks and faces.

They can remember your face.

Formally apologise.

RICHARD: "Studies show."

That's all it says. "Studies show".

They're from The New Scientist.
It's definitely true. Mawaan?

All right, you ready for this?
Let's do this, baby.

What sort of winged thing
have you brought in?

So, I was thinking of chicken wings.

But I did my research.

And I know you don't like
chicken off the bone. I don't.

So, I was like, "OK, what can I do
related to chicken wings?"

And I decided to paint
my favourite chicken shop.

Here it is.

It's got a little Greg in it.
He's having some chicken.

I really like it.
So, it's a genuine chicken shop.

It was called Perfect Fried Chicken,

but someone's already
got that name.

So, the quickest workaround was
to turn the P into an F. Yeah.

And to use the well-known word,
"ferfect". Exactly.

LAUGHTER

Our series leader is left. Daisy.
Daisy?

Thank you. And here it is.

You see, I have to say I thought of
doing this, and I was too ashamed.

You shouldn't.

Prejudiced against periods?

LAUGHTER

So, what's best and what's worse?

Well, I want to take home
Richard's glory days trophy. Yeah.

Five points to Richard Herring!
Five points for Richard.

APPLAUSE

I want to take home
Mawaan's beautiful art next.

Course you do. Yeah.

Four points to Mawaan Rizwan.
There we go.

Against all odds,
the next thing I want take home

is the dead wasp.

LAUGHTER

I celebrate your panty liner.
I'm with you...

And obviously, I don't want a cold
plate of chips that someone's

dribbled wing juice on.

One point to johnny Vegas.
And we're off.

APPLAUSE

All right. Let's get on. Lovely.

This task involves pouring a lovely
little drink for a lovely big man -

that's you, Greg Davies!

Hello, johnny. Hi, Alex.

What time is it?

Does your pocket watch work?

Oh, no, that's just for show, mate.
OK.

Is that the cup? That's the cup.

"The cup must remain atop
the cup pole at all times."

"Fastest wins."

"Your time starts... now."

Yeah, what do you take that to mean?

Yeah.

OK.

Right. Well, I'd like to chastise
Alex for using such florid language.

What's all this
"overfloweth, atop" business?

Just have a bit of fun with it. OK.

Like, Biblical, like,
"the cup runneth over,"

or like "Kenneth".

LAUGHTER

Would you like to say who's going
to go first? Yeah. OK. Here we go.

J hnny_

No, it's going to be Mawaan first.

LAUGHTER

That's the longest hose
we've got, Mawaan.

I feel like this is a fairly
obvious thing to do.

What are you going to do?
Just going to chuck it.

We didn't need that hose pipe.

Sorry, this is someone's tea,
but I'm low on time,

so this is the quickest thing.

Is it overflowing?

No. It's halfway.

You didn't mean "overfloweth" in,
like, a metaphorical way?

How would that work?

HE EXHALES

HE SHRIEKS

The cu peth overfloweth.

I've stopped the clock. Nailed it.

Well done, Mawaan.
Well done. Not bad at all.

Still feel like I've missed
the metaphor.

I still feel like there's
something going on...

How does a cup overflow
in a metaphorical way?

Like, you've got a lot on
right now in your life.

Oh, cos I'm busy?

Yeah. OK.

And how are you going to apply
that to that cup?

LAUGHTER

I don't know. But what I'm asking
is, have I got it... did I get it?

Well, I can tell you a few things.

You were by far the slowest -
minutes, .

I was quite metaphorically
hung over that day.

The rule was obviously that only
liquids could touch the red green.

But that was cool, he's...

Well, you saw the funnel
just missing it.

Yeah, let's just check.

JOHNNY: Yeah. AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

Yeah, you touched it.
You're literally disqualified.

Metaphorically,
you're still in with a shout.

LAUGHTER

OK. Do you want to see two measured
and calm individuals? Oh, do I!

Daisy and johnny?
Yeah, I knew it was them.

Here we go. THEY LAUGH

Right. Yep.

Just attach this...

Yes! So, the water, the water.

I'm running.

Oh, the wind!

Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

That's overfloweth.
I've stopped the clock.

That's f*cking great,
what I've just done.

Thank you, Daisy. Thanks.

I've stopped the clock.
Did you touch the red green?

Yeah, I saw that.

Yeah. A lot happened, johnny.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Normally when someone falls over,
there's a reason for it.

As far as I can see, you just fell.

There were no obstacles.

THEY LAUGH

I mean, a lot happened in Johnny's.

It only took him
three minutes, seconds.

He's disqualified, though, isn't he?

It felt like something that wasn't
liquid did touch the red green.

Yeah, a massive hammer.
A massive hammer.

Daisy - absolute textbook.

Patient. That is a woman who knows
that wasps recognise faces.

That is a woman. She completed it
in six minutes, .

Is that good?
It's in the lead at the moment.

I don't want to be a hater,

but I think Daisy needs to get
disqualified, too. Oh, OK.

I'm so sorry.

Did no-one notice
the thing on the red green?

The piece of paper?
KATHERINE GASPS

I would say, let's investigate
that at the end.

Well, we'll come back to that.
I love making friends.

LAUGHTER

Did you see how she reacted
to the hippo drawing?

Yeah, I'm terrified, but I...

Yeah, she's going to f*ck you up,
mate.

LAUGHTER

Look at the face. Have a look.
Look at her face..

She's not going to forget yours,
she's like a wasp.

LAUGHTER CONTINUES

That's the end of part one, then.

APPLAUSE

Oh, hello!
How very nice to see you again!

Am I right to mention
a cup on a stick, Alex?

So, where is the liquid? Mm.

I need to find some liquid!

Erm... Whee!

SHE GRUNTS

f*ck that!

What's that f*cking cow there for,
anyway?

Right, here's my brilliant idea!

Oh, hold on. There we go.

It seems to be working!

I don't think this is going to be
the fastest time, but...

It might work.

SHE GRUNTS OK!

How do I know when it's full?
It will overflow, will it?

Yeah. Yeah!

I mean,
I'm amazed it hasn't fallen off yet.

I don't think this is going to be
the fastest time.

But, I might achieve the task.

Oh, you... I mean...!

I should have expected that.

I think that's full.

Whew! It overfloweth!

Thank you. Goodbye!

Hang on...

Can I touch it?

I'm just going to check this again.

I can touch it! Oh, for God's sake!

Right, it's overflowing.

Yes!

I actually
think my method was all right.

Thanks. Bye!

APPLAUSE Very good!

I think you've taken away any poise
that you had in the early clays

of this show!

Yeah. I mean, you were instantly
swearing at a cow!

What channel is this on?
Channel ! It's a shame!

Something more obscure!

The whole hoop madness! I mean...
Oh, don't!

One of your more notable
strategies, which is hoping

that water won't make it
through a net!

Yeah, I mean, she definitely should!

No.

Richard... Mm. Very pleased
with himself, wasn't he?!

I think the basket was...
Very proud of his little beaker!

Wow! Real nice!

We definitely should!

Only liquids may touch
the red green.

Your time starts now.

GROANING

OK.
Oh, I'm not allowed on there!

I am % liquid!

Shall we just judge it
on who did the best time?

LAUGHTER

I mean, I'm...

Never in the history
of the whole show

have I felt contempt
for all of them!

It's a sad day for everyone here.

I think we'lljust, er, just
have a couple of moments of silence.

GREG TUTS

GREG SIGHS

SUPPRESSED GIGGLES

Let's... let's just forget
that ever happened.

Yeah.

Good times! All right, guys.

Pick yourselves up!

I'd like to see some
sort of ensemble task now, please,

to bring us all together!

Hello, Alex.

A script.

Oh, no! No! Oh, gosh!

Learn your lines!

You have ten minutes to prepare
for each of your parts.

Then one take to pull it off.
Best performance wins.

Your first ten minutes starts now.

Sam and Boss are highlighted.

Boss - ruthless
businessperson from South Wales.

I don't do a Welsh accent!
Wey aye, man! Did I just do that?!

See you in a bit!

Argh! I can't do an Australian
accent either, Alex!

SHE MUTTERS

They're all highlighted!

Sam, Nicky, Ross,
Dr Buckley, Parker.

Thank you.

Yep.

Just a little admin error,
was it? Should be cool.

Yep.

Clever!

These people
are all professional entertainers,

I imagine this is going
to be... quite the watch!

AUSTRALIAN ACCENT:
All right, here I am.

Let's go, let's do this,
everyone!

No, I don't feel OK.

No, no, no. No. Aghh. No.

Uh, no, you big drongo!

I don't want a hug, and if I did
want a hug, it wouldn't be from you!

So I'd rather sit in this bathtub.

Is that the line?

I'd rather sit in this daggy
bathtub!

Yeeeaaah.

I've got the handcuffs! Strewth!
You've got to be kidding me!

Atchoo!

You call this galah?

It's not illegal to hide!

WELSH ACCENT: Will you guys
keep it down!

I've been in... I've...

I've just been in there trying
to seal the deal with the guys

over in the United States!

Atchoo!

Hey! I forgot you lived here.
With me. How you doing?

Hm?

Darling!

How you doing, darling?
Shut up, you... idiot!

Now, what's going on?

GEORDIE ACCENT: Ha! I'm here!
I was hiding!

That's illegal! Hey,
it's not illegal to hide.

Atchoo! But it's damn rude!

And it's against the law!

No, it's not!

Alex, I hope you got
all the evidence that

I typed up for you
that you asked for.

And here's the £ ,
out of my accooont!

Ya knaw. Because I know it's
all the money I've got,

but you said you needed it more,
so I emptied my entire account.

I wrapped it up all
dead neat for you... Alex.

So, I cannae, you know,
I just cannae wait for you now.

Will you tell us who
the real m*rder*r is, like?

Thank you very much.
HIGH PITCHED: Thank you very much!

I love all this. Like I said,
I've got my handcuffs ready!

You lot are a bunch of massive
losers! Don't speak to us like that!

LAUGHS LOUDLY

ALL: Yes, we're OK now.

Right, OK!

The only performance that
I was absolutely captivated by

was Richard's. Thank you!

I made that my own!

Absolutely nailing a mute pervert!

It's very important to steal
focus as well.

And what happened with
the professional actress

Katherine Parkinson and her lines?

OK, at the time of filming,
I was preparing for, erm,

essentially a monologue on the Royal
Court stage. Oh! In London town.

Right. And I just had so many lines
I was learning in the breaks.

And I said, "Alex, please don't make
me learn any more lines."

Didn't I? And so I'm afraid
I did just toss it aside.

The awful thing is, though,

that very eloquent explanation is
going to be edited out of the show.

And all people will see is that. And
then, oh, no more acting for you!

Sorry!

Say what you want about Mawaan,

but he knows how to
stay... consistent with an accent!

Yes, I'd love to just test him now!

AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: OK? G for it!

I've been to Australia many times,
and it comes and goes, OK?

But overall, I'd say it... it
always slips into Brummie!

From Australia to Birmingham!
Lovely!

OK, time for some commercials.
Come back soon!

Hello and welcome back for
the third time today!

We're currently in the middle of
a line learning

and acting task and it's going OK.
Thanks, guys.

Here they are again,
having learnt different lines

apart from Richard who is
still behind a bush.

And keep an eye on Katherine doing
some ad-lib in this part.

Here we go. Hm.

Sam?

Sam.

Here I am. Thanks for coming.

Are you OK?

Where have you been? No...

I missed you.
Thank you for running me the bath.

Would you like a hug? Yes.

No, no. It's been so long
and I've had such a hard day.

Fair enough.

Hellooooo!

Hey, I'm in the bath. Good to see
you, officer. Thank you for coming.

Of course I came. You called me.
I'm here to help!

Everybody, chill out.

Everyone, chill the f*ck out!

Get in the bath.

HE SNEEZES

Bless you. Yes, I did call her
with my telephone.

Can I have a look?
Is that my phone or your phone?

And I think you know why I'm
gathering everyone here today.

Oh, it's raining.

I do. And I brought my handcuffs,
Alex. I cannae wait.

Who's he? Sorry, ma'am.

HE SNEEZES

Bless you.

It is actually raining.

I think you need to ask Dr Buckley.
Dr Buckley! I think...

I think you need to ask Dr Buckley.

It's not illegal to hide.

HE SNEEZES

Bless you.

Bloody 'ell, yes.

No, stay in the bath, please. OK.

Tell me when to sing.

I did. Oh...

I'm loving this, by the way. Did I
tell you I've brought my handcuffs?

Aaaa-chooo!

Sorry, ma'am.

Sorry?

Not far off that time.
Is everyone OK?

ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

That's good. Except it's not good
for everyone because I can now

reveal that the m*rder*r is...

Did you prefer that one? I did.

I think because I was used to
how awful they are.

I mean, Mawaan was
the star of that for me.

Seriously?

If I didn't know better
I would say you went to theatre

school in South Wales.

That's how good it was.

Yeah. Absolutely.

So you decided, for the Geordie
character, to stick with Welsh.

It sort of started off sort
of Yorkshire actually,

and then it kind ofjust... Yeah.

You concentrated on remembering
the lines and she got them.

That was a very long speech. Yeah.

They both actually got that long
speech. She got that spot-on,

unlike Katherine who was just, you
know,

tossing things in at random.
We know why.

Johnny, pretty good actions,
I thought. Really?

Mm. Do you not think?

It's a really rock solid, powerful
performance.

Sadly, upstaged by...

...this guy LAUGHTER

Do you want to see a bit
more of Richard

because he did do the other
characters as well?

Yeah, I mean, OK.

It's time for our very own

Eddie Murphy, it's Rick, Rich,
Richie, d*ck and Richard Herring.

Right.

G'day! Here we go.
I'm here. Let's go.

Where is everyone? Here I am.

Are you OK?

I don't feel OK.

No, no, no, no, no. No.

Would you like a hug?

I don't want a hug from you,
you drongo.

No, I don't want a hug and if
I did want a hug, which I don't,

it certainly wouldn't be
from a drongo like you.

I'd rather sit in that daggy bathtub
than have a hug with a great

drongo like you.

I'm going to do it, in fact,
that's what I'm going to do.

That's fair enough.

Hellooooo!

Strewth. Erm,
who let in that great galah?

Good to see you, officer,
thank you for coming.

Of course I came, you asked me.
I am here.

Why doesn't everyone chill out?
HE SNEEZES

Bless you.

You called this galah?

Yes, I did, with my telephone. OK.

And I think you know why I've
gathered everyone here today.

I do. I've got my handcuffs ready,
Alex.

I'm very excited.

A-choo! Bless you.

Sorry, ma'am. A-choo!

Bless you. Erm...

Ah! I didn't know you were here.

I forgot you were coming here,
darling, my love.

Sort of.

I think you need to ask Dr Buckley.

Ha! Here I am.

I was hiding all along.

But that's illegal. It's not illegal
to hide. A-choo! Bless you, officer.

But it's damn rude.

And it's against the law.

I've got all my evidence, hey, Alex,
I've got all my evidence for you.

I typed it up neatly like you asked.

I got £ , out of my bank account
and I brought it here for you.

It's all the money
I got in the world

but you said you needed it more than
I did so I got it out

and I wrapped it up for you
and here it is. And now you can

tell us who the m*rder*r is and
that will be the end of the matter.

Oh, thank you, sir!

Sorry, sir.

Bless you.

Thank you.

Don't remember...
You're a loser, you idiot.

Oh! Hey, don't speak to us
like that.

Whoop!

Is everyone OK? ALL: Yes!

We're all OK now.

That's good.

Except it's not good for everyone

because I can now reveal
that the m*rder*r is...

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Oh. Tour de force. Thank you.

So many lines were bang on as well.
So many. Really impressive.

The most impressive thing for me
is that Richard,

playing four characters,
all of whom were still

overshadowed by a mute character,

who appears to be masturbating
in a bush.

That's the only kind of part
I actually do get is...

With every new part, you appear to
get physically tighter.

Every time a new character came in,
you said, "Yehhhhh!"

But this, you've nailed...

LAUGHTER

You've nailed that, mate.

Yes, I remember back in ,

I was playing w*nk*ng man
in a bush...

It was a very challenging role
and people said I don't know

whether Herring is up to it.

All right.
Do you want to score them? Yeah.

Unfortunately, I feel
sorry for Katherine

because she's a fine actress,

but she was blighted by her
successful career

and didn't learn enough lines
and Mawaan's accents are insane

so I'm going to give both of them
two points. Oh, OK.

Two points for these two. I still
enjoyed the performance though.

Daisy, I think that the accent
on the second character may have

snatched a point off her so I'm
going to give her three points.

Three points to Daisy. That's fair.

Four points, I think that Johnny was
consistent in his accent

and of course, you know,

the Oscar goes to...

...the Olivier of our times.

Five points to Richard Herring.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

Oh, what's next, little Alex Horne?

It's our old friend the coconut.

MUSIC PLAYS

CLATTERING OF HOOVES

HORSE NEIGHS

What's up? Pardon?

What's up? Hello, Mawaan.

Ahhh! Right.

"Drink one full
tablespoon of coconut water."

"lf you use the same coconut water
extraction method as another

"contestant, you will both be
disqualified."

"Your time starts now."

So it should be quite unusual,
although that's no guarantee.

No-one in that introduction gave me
any confidence whatsoever

that they are going to open the
coconut in a remotely original way.

OK, well, we're going to see
a few of them together.

Here is Daisy, Mawaan and johnny.

If my theory is correct,
every other contestant will be

concerned about getting
disqualified,

therefore I will use the easiest
of methods,

therefore I will win.

So the non-obvious
thing would be to...

...peel it, all the way
until I get to water?

No, that's going to take ages.

Right, so I'm guessing
they used either the hammer or that.

Erm...

People won't use that

cos they'll think
everyone is going to use that.

Actually, do you know what?

I feel like everyone, no-one is just
going to smash it open

because they'll
be like that is too obvious

and someone else has done that
but then no-one will do it.

SLURPING

Ah!

It be empty.

Oh, it's leaking.

It's run out.

It's all on the table.

What is it? OK. It's all right.

I've stopped the clock.

It's fresh.
OK, well thank you. Thanks.

Mm, right. So they all basically had
the same idea

and did a really rubbish... Ah.

And the straw. They were slightly
different techniques.

Yeah, and I used a bag.

So these two cats have cancelled
themselves out straight away.

Johnny is leading the way

and he just blew a hole in it
with a screwdriver.

He was quick as well, seconds.
All right.

Do you want to see Richard having
a cr*ck? You know I do.

"Fastest wins. Your time starts
now."

I'll put on some of these just
in case. Be sensible. Erm...

It's a straw isn't it? Good.

Please be careful.

Have to drink it.

I guess someone else might do that
though, eh?

My God, it's like watching
a pensioner at a B&B,

having his breakfast.

HE SMACKS HIS LIPS

It's tasty, isn't it? Right.

We're three parts down
so it won't be long before one lucky

winner takes home Daisy's panty
liner and Catherine's dead wasp.

Yeah!

APPLAUSE

Hello, and welcome back to Who Wants
To Be A Silly On Air.

LAUGHTER

We'd nearly finished the coconut
task, hadn't we, Alex?

We sure had.

They all got into it,
they all drank,

and they all did reasonably well.
One to go. And, thankfully,

she didn't have to you not learn any
lines for this one.

It's Katherine Parkinson.

OK. So that's my tablespoon.

We've got something to peeL

That is a straw, so that's good.

"Drink one full tablespoon
of coconut water."

We have some in the kitchen.

It's not breaking any rules, is it?

Amazing.

Took me awhile to open the fridge.

But, once I managed it,
this was in there.

Well, my extraction method was
I went to the fridge.

Thanks.

APPLAUSE

Well, I would say she did the task.

The rest of the attempts were
absolutely shameful.

At least you gave it some thought,

after you rubbed your little
tangerine.

Well, these two went out early.
They're out. These two... Zero!

...opened it in the same way, but
then extracted it in different ways.

Shaking or sucking.

Yeah, OK.

Richard was the quickest, then
johnny. Katherine was the slowest,

but seemed to be the only one to
use a different method.

Five points to Katherine,
four points to Richard,

three points to johnny.

Katherine wins it on style.
On style.

Very unusual.

APPLAUSE

A quick look at the scoring board.

The actor is winning the episode.

Richard has points.

Wow.

So deserved. OK, everybody.

Make your way to the stage
for the final task of the show!

Hello, there. Hello, Greg.
What's happening?

I'd like Richard Herring
to read the task.

So, it's a team task.

But we've changed the teams,
Greg, for this one occasion.

Lovely.

After the fireworks last time,
we've separated Daisy and Richard.

Oh-ho!

And it's now boys versus girls.
Right, got it. Yes!

Well, it's a normal staring contest,
except that Greg will give

you something to be doing
while staring at each other.

So, first up, it's Richard
versus Katherine.

What would you like Katherine
to be doing?

I'd like Katherine to be staring
whilst pretending

that she's angry with some boys
who are making noise outside.

She's got that.

Richard, what should he be doing?

We all know what Richard's good at.

I'm going to push him
to do something different.

I would like Richard to imagine

that he's a small girl
lost in the woods. Aw!

Angry lady versus small girl.

Please start staring on the whistle.

Good luck.

WHISTLE

LAUGHTER

He's got gears.

We blinked at the same time.

They blinked at the same time.
Unheard of.

OK, Greg. We've analysed
the footage. Yes?

The winner won by three frames.

She blinked three frames after him.
Yes!

Two points to the girls.

Well played.

Mawaan, step up to the...

Nice to see the actress clawing back
some credibility there. Lovely.

Greg, it's Mawaan versus Daisy. OK.

What would you like Daisy May
Cooper to be doing?

She is...

...a chicken auctioneer...

LAUGHTER

Who is trying to do her job,

despite the fact
she needs to sneeze.

Wow, a lot going on there.

What's Mawaan doing?

Mawaan is a professor who keeps
having good ideas.

OK, a chicken auctioneer versus
a professor.

Good luck, teams.

Your time starts...

WHISTLE

I've just looked at you, I think
I did blink. There was a blink.

There was a blink.
Two points to the boys this time.

I'm sorry.

Just confirm what was happening? ls
trying to stop myself from sneezing.

I see, I genuinely didn't know what
you were doing.

It's the final bout.

Everyone so far has won two points.

Vegas versus Parkinson. Sorry, mate.

Greg, what would
you like Katherine Parkinson to do?

Katherine Parkinson is a teacher who
is trying to maintain

discipline whilst realising
the chewing gum

she has popped into her mouth

was in fact a small block of soap.

So, chewing, disgustedly,
while teaching. That's correct.

Johnny Vegas?
He's a frog who needs a sleep.

Yes, he is. Easy.

Sleepy frog versus chewing teacher.
And...

WHISTLE

WHISTLE

There was a Parkinson blink.
It's two more points to the boys.

So, the sleepy frog takes it.

APPLAUSE

Come back down, we'll add all
that to the final scores.

Welcome. What happened?

There was blinking, there was
happiness and there was sadness.

There was.
And the sleepy frog won it.

All the boys got four points,
all the girls got two points.

The series leaderboard is
unbelievable.

They're all in triple
figures, finally.

Daisy's been the lead
since episode three.

She is now in second place,

one point away from Richard
on points.

Wow. It's exciting.

This episode, I think there can only
be one winner, really. Of course.

That winner, with a total of
points at the end,

was Richard Herring!

Richard wins. Please go
and gather your winning wings.

So, what have we learned today?

I think Shakespeare put it best
when he said,

"If thee were my fool,

"l'd have thee whipped for being
old before thy time."

"H w'S that?"

"Thou should have been
wise before thou wast old."

"Oh, let me not be mad.
Not mad, sweet heaven!

"Keep me in temperament that
I may not be mad!"

Or as Richard Herring would put it,

uHoo!"

That's the end of another show!
Two to go.

But, now, let's see tonight's winner
bask in their glory once more.

It's Richard Herring!