06x26 - For Letter or Worse

[bunniefuu]

I'm sure everyone

is wondering why The Marshal

is at our counselor meeting.

And the truth is, so am I.

Let us begin

where many stories begin,

at the beginning.

When this

town was founded--

Oh, would ya just spill,

we got a pickleball tourney

in five, man.

Fine, but you have a lot to

learn about narrative pacing.

I'm here on behalf of

the Tush Heritage Committee.

Uh, question.

I totally know what that is.

But can someone

just explain? For the others.

The Heritage Committee

celebrates Dusty Tush's

rich and storied history.

-You're so smart.

-Oh.

Thanks.

Anyways...

the committee's

next event

is the annual

Tush Heritage Festival.

There's tons of work

to be done

and it takes place tomorrow.

Oh, well,

if you need our help,

like we always say

at Kikiwaka Ranch,

"If you scratch my back,

I'll pick

the ticks off yours."

Well, actually the honor

of planning the festival

belongs to the reigning

Rodeo Queen.

But I'm the reigning

Rodeo Queen.

I know.

I buried the lede.

Again narrative pacing.

Why am I only hearing

about this now?

Didn't you read

the Rodeo Queen handbook?

If I had known there

was a party-planning section,

I would have.

I can't put together

an entire festival in one day.

An events color scheme

has to appear

to me in a dream.

That could take months!

Relax.

The Heritage Festival

probably

isn't even a big deal.

It's a huge deal.

The hugest!

Keep up, Destiny.

Okay, look,

I grew up here,

and if a rodeo queen

throws a bad

Heritage Festival,

it can tarnish

her legacy forever.

But no presh.

Yes, presh!

Blow this

and you'll end up

in the Rodeo Queen

Hall of Shame.

Is there a Hall of Fame too?

No, we just really like

to highlight failures.

See ya'.

Don't worry, Destiny,

we will help you.

Okay, good.

Because if I'm gonna

pull this off,

this festival

has to have everything.

Uh, fun,

entertainment,

-delicious food--

-Moist towelettes.

That'll be the details guy.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

Okay, I have

a festival to put on

and only one day to do it.

So stay focused, people.

No slacking off.

No dilly-dallying

and absolutely

no facial warm-ups.

Looking at you, Lambert.

You know something, Destiny?

I was gonna do that exactly.

So thank you for the note.

I'll be in charge of the food.

I know an amazing

barbecue joint one town over.

So the randos

at the festival

get good food,

but your camp gets roadkill.

How do you sleep at night?

Not well. I eat roadkill.

I am a victim, too.

Parker and Victoria,

I need you two to put together

an unforgettable

dance performance.

Read you loud and clear,

town-wide dance battle

to the death.

Do not do that.

Understood.

Anyway...

Parker, I'm really

looking forward

to working with you.

Yes, and me with you.

And maybe afterwards

go we eat, two us.

Can?

-What?

-Nothing.

I'm still

very intimidated by her.

You think?

Noah, you and I

will put up flyers.

Wow.

So we put the paper

near a pool or a pork-upine.

You just had

to do the warm-up.

Yeah, I had to

do the warm-ups.

Hey, there's my counselor.

What are you up to today?

Uh, independent alone time.

Enjoy becoming

your own person.

So she's leaving

me unsupervised.

I love this camp.

Parker,

this is gonna be great.

Do you wanna

meet up tomorrow?

I have like a ton of ideas

for this dance.

Oh, me too. Tons of ideas in

my brain thoughts,

that are also good

and dancing for us, to do.

I'm gonna go

jump in the lake now.

[scoffs]

That was weird.

Men. Am I right?

Seriously, am I right?

I'm only .

Bill, Jake, I need you.

You know

what I like about you, Lou?

You're not afraid to ask

for help constantly

and with no shame.

What a cool observation, Jake.

Anyway, we're in charge

of the food for

the Tush Heritage Festival.

We're picking up

an order of barbecue

from one town over,

Sandy Britches.

That should be

easy enough.

Yeah, it would be

if I hadn't let

a family of weasels

move into the bus.

I should've known that

just because they're cute

doesn't mean

they're responsible tenants.

Oh, there's no way

we can get all that food

to the festival

without a vehicle.

Let's just tell Destiny

we can't do it.

Come on, Bill.

That's not the Kikiwaka way.

When life gets tough,

we get tougher.

Besides, I have something else

that'll get the job done.

Follow me.

Ta-da.

We're taking the wagon...

...aka, s SUV,

horsepower one.

Cool.

This is way better

than the bus.

Lou, covered wagons

are super slow.

We'll never make it on time.

There you go with

that pessimism again, Bill.

We'll be there and back

before you can say,

"Wow, Lou, what a great idea!"

Well, Lou,

what a great idea.

Look how slow

we're going.

And this is coming from a guy

who dries his own jerky.

It's about the journey,

not the destination, friend.

Say "Mindfulness."

Don't worry, Bill.

Destiny doesn't need

the food for a couple hours.

We have plenty of time.

It's like we're in that

old video game "Oregon Trail."

Ooh, I wonder

which one of us

is gonna get dysentery.

Fingers crossed,

it's me.

Dear Princess of the world.

You think

you're so special.

Wait, that might be

one too many O's.

No. You know what?

I feel how I feel.

Who are you so mad at?

My sister, Priscilla.

She repositioned

our family's satellite,

and now

I don't get cell service

because the moon's in the way.

Yes, a completely

relatable problem.

So, what was with

you and Victoria earlier?

You obviously like her a lot.

Yeah, I like her

more than a lot.

But every time I even think

about trying to ask her out,

it's like my tongue

tries to strangle me.

I think it hates love.

Then why not

write to her how you feel?

Clearly, you don't

have any issues putting

your feelings down on paper?

I know, my journals

are so overwhelmed.

They have journals.

Ooh, I'll even deliver

the letter to her.

It's like I'm a Cupid,

only with a crossbow

and flaming arrow.

Okay, yeah.

But please don't sh**t

Victoria with a flaming arrow.

I'll try, but

I'm unsupervised today.

Thanks for helping me

set up for the festival.

I got your back.

Besides, there's

something intoxicating

about an empty venue,

like a vacant stage sparkling

with infinite possibilities.

Remember to hose down

the porta-potties, okay?

Couldn't

let me have it.

It's all really

coming together.

I can't mess up this festival.

I went to the Rodeo Queen

Hall of Shame last night,

and it is grim.

One of the queen's served

expired, doubled eggs,

and now, she's enshrined

as the "Upchuck Queen."

I am not

going down like that!

Wait. Why are people

here already?

Hey, where's the festival?

Um, the festival doesn't start

for another two--

Minutes.

Festivities begin at : ?

I wrote down the wrong time.

I meant to write one.

Instead, I wrote one-one!

Commonly known as .

Ooh, boy! I should take

a picture of this moment,

to put next

to the Upchuck Queen

and those deviled eggs

we had bronzed.

It's okay, look,

the food and entertainment

arrive in two hours.

That means the crowd will only

be extremely bored and hungry

for that somewhat

lengthy amount of time.

Maybe you can use that time

to work on your pep talks!

[clears throat] This festival

is not going well.

It's worse than ' ,

when the Rodeo Queen

staged a sing along.

Well, everyone knows,

The Marshal sings alone.

I've got it. We've just got

to keep the crowd entertained

until Lou, Parker

and Victoria get here.

Well, it just so happens

I performed

an experimental play

for the Moose Front

Fringe Festival.

But I'll need five extras

to play

the spectrum of emotions.

Or I could scale it back.

[clanging]

Capitalism!

Fire ants!

Avocado toast!

♪ Is that what

you love the most? ♪

I am not enjoying this,

but somehow I can't look away.

Noah, please tell me

this gets better.

Don't worry,

the good part's next.

Evolution,

more like taco fusion!

Cooked by

a confusion.

Under the hat.

See?

Uh, don't worry,

this is not

a part of the festival.

This is a totally non-festival

related thing.

But please stick around

because we're

about to get started.

[clanging]

What are you doing?

I still have minutes left.

I have to deliver my epilogue

while standing on a log.

[mimics expl*si*n]

How do you think

that's a selling point.

And, "taco fusion," Noah?

-It's a metaphor.

-For what?

Oh.

That's for you

-to decide.

-[mimics expl*si*n]

[clanging]

[honking]

Give it a rest!

Can't you see

my bumper sticker,

"barbecue on board"?

I'm pretty sure covered wagons

aren't allowed on roads.

Oh, says who?

[siren approaching]

That's him.

Say traffic violation.

Classic road trip moment.

I wonder what Victoria

will think of my letter.

You're sure

you got it to her?

Duh, I'm super responsible.

You blew up

the water t*nk last week.

Hey, I said

watch out before I did it.

Anyway, no matter

what happens with Victoria,

I'll be right here.

All right,

let's get this over with.

You know what?

I'm actually

gonna be over there.

We should do

the tango

at the festival.

Ooh, a tango.

The dance of "love".

Nope.

Oh, the dance of,

"You're not so bad?"

Nope!

Follow my lead.

[tango instrumental

music playing]

[both grunting]

Oh, I don't remember

the tango being so tangry.

[tango instrumental

music continues]

Lift me!

Your eyes

are so beautiful.

[music stops]

Clearly, this is not

going to work.

I think you should

do the dance yourself.

Victoria? Wait!

Uh, I'm not a detective,

but I think

she might be angry.

This has got to be

a response to my letter.

She's angry that I overstepped

with a co-worker.

I made it

awkward between us.

Maybe you shouldn't have

written her that letter.

You told me to write it.

You listen to me?

I broke the water t*nk.

Wow, great idea, Noah.

The crowd is sticking around.

Everyone's excited

to have their palm read.

Are you sure

that you can pull this off?

Who knows?

Nobody can tell the future.

Doesn't bode well.

Relax.

I watched a ton of videos.

Step right up to have

your palms read by Noah,

the all Noah-ing.

Ooh, goose bumps.

Me first.

Me first.

I'm detecting that you had

waffles for breakfast.

Oh, holy smokes!

How could you--

Wait a minute.

You just saw

the syrup stains on my cuff.

Uh-huh, I'm predicting

you'll be doing

a load of whites

in the near future.

Noah, you're losing him.

Ah, by looking

at your lifeline here,

I can see

that you are .

But I'm .

Ranchers hands

get a lot of wear and tear.

That doesn't mean

you can't moisturize.

Do you even know

how to read palms?

Yes, um,

by looking

at your family line here.

I can see you lost

someone close to you.

I believe it was...

your nana.

What? My nana is right here.

She's alive

and kicking.

Literally.

She does mixed martial arts

every weekend.

You're lucky

she doesn't drop kick

your fake palm reading butt.

-[thuds]

-Oh, oh, come on, good Nana.

He ain't worth it.

Straight to

voicemail again.

Parker, I need you,

Victoria and Lou,

to get down here ASAP.

Noah is ruining my show

and a good rodeo queen legacy.

Me?

All I've done

the entire day

is try to help you.

But If you don't

want my help, then fine.

Noah, the all Noah-ing...

Out!

Noah?

The Nana would like

to have a word with you

in the parking lot.

See, the back trails

were a great idea.

Hey, the road

stopped buffering.

Nice.

Thank goodness.

See, guys,

when life gets tough,

we get tougher.

Devil's Gold Trail

is way too dangerous.

We should turn around

and take

Cushy Canyon pass instead.

It might be longer,

but at least my tailbone

wouldn't be in my throat.

Bill, this isn't that bad.

We're making great time.

[crashing]

"Were" making great time.

That sounded

like a broken axle.

This wagon isn't going

anywhere, now.

Wait, are we stuck here?

Also, where is "here"?

Are we lost?

[horse neighs]

[camera whirring]

-Jake?

-What?

Its golden hour.

Victoria,

what are you doing?

I'm leaving Kikiwaka Ranch.

I just can't work

with Parker anymore.

But why?

I promise the tracksuits

will really start

to grow on you.

Look, his letter

really hurt my feelings.

"Go back

to your space station."

I don't even get that.

Is that some kind of

weird Canadian put down?

What? He didn't write that.

He was asking you out.

Uh, no, he wasn't.

Read for yourself.

"Dear Princess

of the world"

[exclaiming in horror]

-Oh, no, this is terrible.

-I know, right?

He has the handwriting

of a toddler.

I mean, this letter was meant

for his sister, not you.

Really? Well then, how did I get

his sister's letter?

Maybe Cupid grabbed

the wrong one.

It happens.

Let's be cool about it.

I guess I should have known

something was off

when he wrote,

"I can't believe I ever shared

a womb with you."

Again, I just thought it was

some weird Canadian thing.

So what do you think?

Should we go put

Parker out of his misery?

Yeah. I hit him with a rose.

Unfortunately, there's no

fixing that axle.

Hey, where did Jake go?

He said he was going off

to "do his business."

I choose to believe he meant

the business of taking photos.

Me too.

Hope he didn't get the dysentery

he was wishing for.

Hey, guys,

check out all these

pictures I took.

A cool rock I found.

A cool stick I found.

A sign that says

"Dusty Tush, half mile away."

-A cool leaf I found--

-Wait!

Dusty Tush is only

half a mile away.

We're close

enough to walk.

Yeah, but we can never

carry all this food.

Bill, you were right.

We should've just

given up a long time ago.

No, Lou, if we gave up

when I wanted to,

we never would have

even left camp.

But look how far

we've come.

Like you said, it's not

the Kikiwaka way.

I know.

But we can't go anywhere

unless we can deadlift

pounds of brisket.

Maybe we don't

have to lift it.

I have an idea.

-You do?

-Yep, but it's gonna be tough.

It's okay.

"Tough" is just

the way we like it. Right?

Sure it is.

What an amazing moment!

This road trip has it all.

[sighing wistfully]

Except dysentery.

I truly hope you just don't

know what dysentery is.

Noah.

I'm so sorry

that I blamed

this disaster on you.

I was so worried

about being remembered

as a good rodeo queen

that I forgot

what's really important.

Being a good friend.

Thanks.

Uh, I just wish

I could have helped you

salvage the festival.

Are you gonna be okay

with the title of

the "Worst Dusty Tush

Heritage Festival

of All Time Queen"?

That's kind of a mouthful.

How about

"Epic Fail Queen"?

How about

we stop pitching on it?

Well, there goes

the last of them.

Heading off to saucier,

ribbier pastures.

See you at the Hall of Shame

photo sh**t.

I'm off to go do

a load of whites.

Destiny.

I got your message.

I'm here to

get the crowd going.

Thanks, but

I don't think we need

a dance performance anymore.

Well, that's good,

because I've lost

my will to dance.

From now on,

I'll only be known as a...

"world class

activities director."

Oh!

Destiny! [panting]

The barbecue is here.

[gasping]

Right on time.

Actually, the festival

started two hours ago.

Long story.

Destiny messed up the flyer.

Okay, short story.

What is all this?

Lou and I used

wood and canvas

from the covered wagon

to make these sleds.

And I took pictures

until they yelled at me.

Still very confused,

but why didn't you just

used the horse to pull this?

How did we

not think of that?

It doesn't matter anyway.

There's no one

left to eat

all this food.

Oh, not a problem,

trust the sauce.

If you waft it,

they will come.

Is that barbecue I smell?

They're coming back!

We better set up

the food table fast.

These people

have the meat hankerings,

and if we don't give them

barbecue, they'll come for us.

Victoria? What...

What are you doing here?

I thought you were

really mad at me.

I was because it turns out

I got the letter

you wrote for your sister.

What? How?

Uh...

Who can go for some barbecue?

I know I can.

Well, that explains why

you were so upset with me.

So do you want to tell me

what was in the letter

I was supposed to get?

Oh, something like

hair like the sunset,

um, my heart overflows.

At one point,

I think I used

the word courtship?

[short chuckle]

Parker, I'd love to

go out with you.

With me?

Are you sure?

Because I don't

wanna lie to my journal.

Just smile and nod, man.

You're ruining it.

[laughs]

So it looks like

Destiny might need

our dance performance now.

Oh, but all we practiced

was the tango,

and that was a real gonger.

It's a weird

Canadian thing.

Hey, remember

that routine

that we came up with

for Western night?

The Tush shuffle?

That's a great idea.

Let's do it.

[country western

music playing]

Oh. Okay.

[all cheering]

Ooh...

-Hi.

-I know.

[rhythmic clapping]

Watch it.

[all exclaim]

[all cheering]

Thank you so much

for coming to this year's

Heritage Festival.

I'm your Rodeo Queen,

Destiny Baker.

Let's get this party started!

At one o'clock, when it was

supposed to happen.

Maybe stop

bringing it up, Noah.

Let's dance.

-[all cheering]

-[country western music playing]

[closing theme music playing]