01x03 - Birth of a Salesman

[bunniefuu]

[Clock ticking]

[Alarm ringing]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[Robotnik] Metal Morons!

Idiots!

Robotic Rejects!

Seditious Slabs of Unsalubrious Circuitry!

You-- You-- You--

Nincombots!

Excuse me, Your Viciousness, you already said that.

Then allow me to repeat myself yet again.

You are Nincombots!

How am I ever going to get rid of Sonic with

such unreliable help?

[Doorbell rings]

[Wes Weasley] Hello?

You in there!

Hello, hello?!

Howahya, howahya, howahya!

Wes Weasley's the name.

Selling's the game.

You need it, I got it. Don't got it, I'll get it.

[Groans]

Oops, sorry about that, palsy.

Better have that looked at.

Huh?

You say you need reliable help?

Well, say no more, friend.

Look no further.

Go no farther.

Because I represent the H.D.S.V.A.D.L. Company.

That's right.

H.D.S.V.A.D.L.

And that stands for: Handy Dandy Super villain

Appliance Distributors, Limited.

With my gadgets your problem is solved!

Even with stoopniks.

I don't like this guy.

Me neither.

Listen, Weasley!

You are brash, arrogant, obnoxious,

pushy, rude, and you dress funny!

You're my kinda guy!

-We love him! -We love him!

What have you got?

To catch a pesky groundhog?

Hedgehog!

Hedgehog!!

Sonic the Hedgehog.

I'm way ahead of you, friend.

Presenting the H.D.S.V.A.D.L. Darkenator.

Where there's light, there won't be for long with The Darkenator.

Let me show you how it works.

[Grounder] Hey, who turned out the lights?

[Scratch] I'm scared of the dark! Hold me!

[Robotnik] Get offa me, you chicken hearted Robo-Cluck!

[Scratch groaning]

Okay, enough free demonstration.

Whattaya think?

I love it.

Even Sonic has to slow down in the dark.

How much?

For you, doc, it's the one-time special half price.

One hundred thousand Mobiums..

What?

It's the smart choice, pallee.

I'll even throw in two pairs of these nifty Infared goggles.

What for?

If you can see in the dark and Sonic can't,

even you can catch him!

I'll take it!

[Whooshing]

Here comes the Hedgehog!

[Cackles]

Activate the Darkenator!

Whoah!

I've heard of darkness creeping in,

but this is ridiculous!

I think the Darkenator sprung a leak!

Quick, put on the See-In-The-Dark Glasses!

Too late, I can't see where they are!

[Chuckles]

Good thing those dumbots are too stupid to stoop.

[Scratch] Grounder, are ya there?

[Grounder] I don't know, I can't see where 'there' is.

Excuse me, fellas.

I'm your local Meter Maid.

I'm afraid you've both parked in a Red Zone.

It's not our fault.

We can't see it.

If you don't move immediately, it's a fifty Mobiums fine!

Whoah!

[Whooshing]

[Scratch screaming]

[expl*si*n]

What a couple of dumbots!

[Whooshing]

[Wes Weasley] Not my fault.

Not the machine's.

Someone's tampered with it.

Wrecked the sucker.

[Scratch & Grounder groaning]

What about my moneyback guarantee?

Sorry.

Nullified with the tampering.

Hate when that happens.

[Chuckles]

[Angry grumbling]

But I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

Yessiree, Robotnik baby, I've got just the thing for you.

Presenting the new, improved, undeniably

grooved Freeze-Banger!

sh**t a blast, the heat is past and Sonic the Hedgehog

loses his fast!

Let me show you how it works.

[Robotnik screaming]

Great!

I'll take two.

Hey, come on, Sonic.

You can jump farther than me.

Buddy, when you've got it, flaunt it.

Now!

Ready for a little cold snap, hedgehog?

[Giggles]

Did someone say snap?

Hup one, hup two, hike!

-We're freezinginging! -We're freezinginging!

No problemo, I'll thaw ya out.

Why is he helping us like this?

Maybe he likes us.

Really?

Why not? We're Charming, handsome, intelligent.

[Grounder] Yeah?

Hot enough for ya?

Yeah, nice and toasty.

Hang in there.

It's gonna get toastier!

Ooh, I think you're starting to blush.

I think you're starting to melt!

Whoah!

We're melting!

We are melting!

-We're melting! -We're melting!

[Grounder] Help!

Does this mean the Hedgehog doesn't think we're charming,

handsome and intelligent?

[Angry grunt]

[Robotnik] You two are incredible.

I give you surefire schemes and you're the only things

to catch fire.

I don't know why I'm bothering to repair you.

I'm just too sentimental for my own good.

[Chuckles]

I'm baaaaackkkkkkkk!

Much too sentimental!

[Screams]

Huh?

Good as new.

Howaya, howaya, howaya!

Celebrating a great victory for the Freeze-Banger?!

You know what you put us through?

You can take your Freeze-Banger and--

Hold it!

[Scratch & Grounder groaning]

No need to sing my praises, no need to cheer.

Just give a call and Wes Weasley's here.

[Robotnik] Money back guarantee, you said.

Pay up!

If the failure was our part, I'd be glad to.

But we're talking pilot error here.

Then someone better pay!

[Shivering]

Or else...

Tell you what I'm going to do.

Because you've been such good customers,

I'm gonna let you get the first cr*ck at our newest doozy.

Presenting el fabuloso, el stupendo,

el incrediblissimo Superduper Gravity-Stopper!

This better be good, Weasley.

Allow me to demonstrate your Robotikness.

[Grunting]

Whoa!

Help, I'm afraid of heights.

Woo-hoo!

Get me down, I flunked flying!

[Both grunts]

Works like a charm, doesn't it?

I like it, Sonic will hate it.

No gravity, no friction.

No speed.

Not a bad gimmick, huh?

And if you buy now.

throw in a couple of pairs of these nifty Self-Gravity Boots.

Ugh!

We'll take it. Now get us down.

Ask and you will receive,

oh Supreme Supplier of Endless Cash!

[Screaming]

Ugh!

[Grunts]

You dumbots!

Get off me and go get that hedgehog!

[Grunts]

We've been on the go for hours, Sonic.

Can't we take a break?

Okay, squirt. Take a load off.

I hate sittin' around with nothin' goin' on.

Nothin' goin' on?

Okay.

So Robotnik's Badniks came at me with a Dark Ray

and a Freeze-Ray.

What more do ya want?

Action, Jackson.

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There, that's better!

You ready to go yet?

[Sighs]

Sorry, Little Bro'.

Just keep chillin'.

I know you're pooped.

He wants action, he'll get action.

Sonic, what happened?

We zapped ya, brat!

Yeah!

And there's nothin' you can do about it!

[Laughing]

Oh yeah?!

Huh?

I'm weighhhhhhttlesss!

[Scratch] Whoah, Grounder!

Look at that!

The Hedgehog can't run and he can't hide!

[Evil chicken laugh]

[Chuckles]

Yeah, and we got Self-Gravity Boots!

You're a goner, Hedgehog!

Nyah, Nyah, Nyah!

[Laughs]

Sonic, use your speed!

Can't.

Without gravity, I can't get any footing.

His speed is useless.

I've been waiting for years to hear that.

We were built only four months ago.

Well, it feels like years.

Okay, guys.

Nice trick, ya got us!

Wanna bring us down now?

Nah, we want to watch you squirm.

Yeah, you blue furball.

Come on, guys.

You won!

Ya don't have to be nasty.

Aw, I'm sorry.

No, I'm not!

Let's go, Scratch!

Let's get 'em down so we can collect the reward!

Not so fast.

I'm enjoying having 'em helpless.

[Evil chicken laugh]

Just turn off that Gravity-Stopper Ray

and we're yours.

[Evil chicken laugh]

[Both laughing]

What's so funny?

We're dumb but we're not that dumb!

That's right.

We're not that dumb!

-We're not? -Of course not!

If we shut off the Gravity-stopper machines,

Sonic will fall back to the ground and run away.

Oh yeah, I knew that.

Actually, guys, we can get away even faster up here.

What!?

Sure!

with no gravity to pull him down,

Tails can tow me anyplace I wanna go!

Right, Lil Bro'?

Pilot to passengers.

Prepare to escape!

We gotta stop 'em!

Hold it!

There's one flaw in this plan I didn't think of.

What?

One of the Klutzbots could take off his Self-Gravity boots

and come up here and catch us.

Really?

Yeah.

But they'd never think of doin' that!

Oh, wouldn't we??

Oops, I missed.

Swim about three feet this way and try again!

Nope.

Looks like you're gonna be stranded up here

for the rest of your life.

Stranded?!

Unless, of course, you tell your buddy to shut off the machine.

Grounder, shut it off!

Huh?

[Chuckles]

[Screaming]

[Crash]

That's life, guys!

Ups and downs, ups and downs!!

[Whirring]

Why do I always end up in the Recycling Business??

Thanks, Your Maliciousness!

That's a real load off my mind.

Ah,I feel like me again!

Just my luck!

Howaya, howaya, friends!

Nice to be back!

But you didn't have to arrange an escort.

A simple message to my fax machine would have worked!

I'll give a simple message to your throat!

[Angry roar]

I can see you're slightly upset.

But we stand behind our products,

so I'm prepared to refund your money.

You say the Gravity-stopper Cannon didn't work?

Oh no, that worked fine.

It was the Self-Gravity Net that messed us up.

The net?

Well that presents a prob, pallee.

I threw It in for nothing so there's nothing to refund.

[Angry grumbling]

Cheater!

Rapscallion!

Flim Flammer!

Whoah!

Don't get so hardboiled!

I'll make it right.

Trust me.

You have sold me contraption after contraption

and none of them work.

Au contraire, mon omelette.

It's your two stooges who don't work.

My machines have performed as promised.

Hmm, you have a point.

Tell you what I'm going to do.

[Grunts]

You, Palsie, will be the first to try the all new,

the one, the only H.D.S.V.A.D.L.

De Atomizer!

What does it do?

What does it do? What does it do?

Just watch.

-Ah! -Watch out!

[Grounder gasps]

Voila!

Scratch?

Where are ya?

But I don't just want Sonic to disappear.

I want to put him in a dungeon so I can gloat at him!

No problem!

You just make a few adjustments.

And materialize him wherever you want!

[Gasps]

[Screaming]

Don't scare me like that!

What's that red switch?

Don't touch that, my friend!

I'm Dr. Robotnik.

I touch what I want!

[Wes Weasley] But nobody knows what that red switch does!

We haven't had a chance to test it yet!

I'll take your De-Atomizer!

And you, too!!!

You're going along to supervise Sonic's capture!

Sorry, Doc, I couldn't.

People to see, places to go, products to peddle.

Wrong!

Incorrect!

Unacceptable!

Anything you say, Palsie!

And if this newest gadget of yours doesn't get results,

you're history Palsie!

Hey, where you goin'?

I'm a door to door, tyrant to tyrant salesman.

I'm really not comfortable out in the field.

Sit!

[Whooshing]

Here they come, give me the De-Atmoizer.

What switch is it again?

No, not the red one!

[Screams]

Tails, look out!

Hey!

[Screaming]

I'm splitttinnnggg!

Well, whataya know!

The red switch makes it a cloner!

Oh!

Dr. Robotnik's not going to like this!

Yeah, instead of getting rid of Sonic, we got five of him!

Don't just stand there lookin' cool.

Let's get poppin!

Ready!

Aim!

Fire.

And fire!

[Screams]

Incoming popcorn!

Get us out of here!

[Screaming]

Hold it!

Well, well, well!

If it isn't Sonic the Hedgehog.

Howaya, howaya!

Where ya goin' with that?

Ya like it? Don't blame ya.

Got low mileage.

Good as new.

You wanna lease or buy one?

I wanna take a vote.

Hey, guys, if this gadget isn't reversible,

should we toss this weasel in jail?

-Yeah, yeah! -Yeah, yeah!

Trust me, palsey.

Ya got nothin' to worry about.

I'll put ya back in one piece in a jiff!

[Whistles]

All together now!

Say cheese!

-Chili dogs! -Chili dogs!

-Whoah! -Whoah!

It's you!

The one and only!

Yeah.

And that's the way want to keep it!

Hey, where'd that weasel go?

Oops!

I didn't get to say thanks!

Whattaya sneakin' away for?

It's not you, palsey!

I'm tryin' to get away from Robotnik.

You and the rest of Mobius!

I never saw a tougher customer.

Somebody oughta give him what he deserves.

Somebody just might!

[Robotnik grumbling]

We know exactly how you feel, your viciousness.

Yeah, you took the words right out of--

Ow!

--our mouths.

[Angry grumbling]

[Grounder & Scratch scream]

There, I feel much better.

[Clattering]

Knockety, knockety!

Is the master of the house at home?

Who are you!?

Name's Sharkley. Syd Sharkley.

Executive Sales Manager for Handy Dandy Supervillain

Appliance Distributions, Limited."

Weasley's company!?

Get out!

Wes Weasley let you down, but I'm here to make things right!

Presenting the new, vastly improved,

super stupendous, tremendous, horrendous,

Hedgehog-catching Vanquisher!

Is this like your other failures,

or does it work?

Good question!

If there's one thing I like it's a brilliant customer!

Just watch!

Ooh!

Hey, what's going on?

It's got your basic Darkenator.

[Zapping sounds]

What's that noise?

[Grunts]

Plus your standard Freeze-Banger accessory.

[Shivering]

And your advanced Gravity-Stopper!

Get me down!

Oh, uh. We'll help you, Your Rottenness!!

[Screaming]

And for the newest feature that no hedgehog hating

fatso can resist.

[Screaming]

How do you like it?

[Grumbling]

Compliments of the Handy Dandy Supervillain Appliance

Distributions, Limited company

and your friendly neighbourhood freedom fighter!

Bye, guys!

We hate that hedgehog!

[Voice on tv] Kids, it's Robo Dude, the kid's best friend!

He cleans up your room and does all your chores

while you're out having fun.

Don't be a dud get a Dude!

Robo Dude!

Only Nine-Ninety-Eight!

Plus batteries, cleaning attachments,

program chips, remote control, storage unit,

dust filter, wax dispenser and disposable trash bags.

That'll be Ninety-Nine-Ninety-Eight.

[Gulps]

If it sounds too good to be true,

it's probably false!

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