01x16 - First and Last Aid/Night of the Living Stench

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ I'm off to summer camp ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ Through nature, I will tramp ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob, he'll have you screaming ♪

- ♪ While milking is streaming right out of your nose ♪

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

[screaming]

♪ ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ When nature's calling ♪

♪ You'll see me hauling, I'm hitting the trail ♪

[loud flushing]

[cheerful music]

♪ ♪

- Yee-haw!

Are you ready for my

"Hot Time at the Old Hoedown,

"Shut the Barn Door,

Flaming Saddle Serve"?

- I'm ready!

- [grunts]

- I got it!

[groans]

I got it.

[laughs weakly]

- Oh, maybe I should've left the barn door open.

- Hmm.

Oh! Ah!

SpongeBob, speak to me. Are you okay?

- [groans]

- Oh, he's fine.

Just walk it off, kid. - [grunts weakly]

- I think he needs to see a nurse.

- Oh, let's not be hasty.

Let's take a look-see.

Hmm.

[sizzling]

Okay then.

There you go, one prescription for walk it off.

- [chuckling]

- [growls]

[both grunting]

All of you, walk it off!

[high pitched giggling]

- You too. - Okay.

[laughter]

[both screaming and laughing]

- I can taste my brain.

- Whoa!

- Gotta move these trampolines.

[both cheering]

- [grunting]

Ooh! Hey!

Huh? Ah! [giggles]

[all screaming]

- [yowls]

[all groaning]

- All of yous, walk it off.

Ah, lunch. Me favorite part of the day.

- Camp Master Krabs!

I was playing on the jungle gym

and my leg came off again.

- Oh, my goodness!

- [grumbling]

[mechanical clicking]

There. Now walk it off.

[mechanical clicking]

- Oh, hi, Camp Master Krabs.

[mechanical clicking]

Oh, hi, Camp Master Krabs.

[mechanical clicking]

- I think this camp has gone long enough without a nurse.

- A nurse? That'll cost me money.

Besides, we already have a nurse.

Nurse Moppitybuckets.

[bird screeches]

- Oh, good heavens, no.

I'm calling for a nurse right now.

[line ringing] Hello?

Yes, we need a real nurse at Kamp Koral.

[engine revving] Huh?

[cool surf rock music]

♪ ♪

- I'm Helga Schmerzen, your new nurse.

Where do I work?

- Uh. - Oh.

- Wow, that was quick.

- Not so fast.

How do I know you're a good nurse?

- Whoa! I tripped.

Ow.

Awesome.

Who wants to sign my cast?

both: Huh?

- I know. I'll pay you out of Plankton's salary.

You're hired.

Here we are. [grunts]

The first aid cabin.

[bats screeching] [screams]

- Whoa!

Ooh!

It is perfect.

It reminds me of time as field nurse

during Klopnodian Wars.

Ah!

Hello, old friend. We meet again.

- Okay then. I'm sure you and Dr. Bone Saw

have a lot of catching up to do so, uh, I'll just...

- [kissing]

- Attention, campers!

The first aid cabin is now open!

- Hi. I'm firsty.

Can I have a large first-ade? With a straw?

- What? You don't drink first aid.

First aid is for abrasions, lacerations, and contusions.

- Uh...

- For the treating of ouchies and boo-boos.

- Oh.

In that case, can I have a Band-Aid?

- What for you need Band-Aid?

- I don't know, things?

- No! - [screams]

- Come back only when you need one.

- May I please have a Band-Aid now?

- [gasps]

What happen?

- Well, I was dumping trash in the compactor and...

[pleasant music]

Whoa!

[mechanical grinding]

[laughs]

Ah!

- Now go!

- [laughs]

- What is problem this time?

- It tickles really bad. [giggling]

- Ah! Good gracious.

- [giggling]

[creature hissing]

- How did you survive all this time

without camp nurse?

- Camp Master Krabs always says to walk it off.

- Walk it off? That won't do.

Things will be different from now on.

Now go!

And watch what you are doing out there.

- I will. [grunts]

- Huh?

Ah!

Ugh.

He is the most ungeschicktperson

mine eyes have laid across.

This must end.

I follow him,

nip his bud before it starts.

[grunts]

Isn't this a little risky for camp?

- Probably.

- You are a danger to yourself.

But this will keep the ouchy away.

- Ouchy away!

Whoa!

[giggling nervously]

- Ha! I knew safety line was good thing.

- Okay!

[screaming] - Huh?

[screaming]

[both grunting]

- Yeah, bring it in.

- Hmm.

Ah. - Wait!

We must prepare you for battle.

- I can barely move. This is no fun.

- Exactly.

No fun means no boo-boos.

- Huh?

Ah. [bubble pops]

I can't help myself! [giggles]

It's all I wanna do. - I know.

If I could move my arms I'd be poppin' my bubbles too.

- Whoa, hyah!

[both laughing]

- Whoa! Golly!

[ball whizzing]

- Hi! [grunts]

- [snoring]

[screaming]

[ball whizzing]

[electricity crackling]

[laughter]

- [grunts]

- Oh.

[bubble pops] - Ooh.

- There will be no more dangerous fun.

Just sitting and playing thinking games.

- Oh, can we at least play razor-sharp checkers?

- No. You are boo-boo magnet,

and worse, a boo-boo magnet to me.

Chess is safe and gentle game.

See? Now you move.

- Hmm. Mm-mm-mm.

[rumbling]

- [groaning]

Check-mate.

[breathes deeply]

Here in the wide open,

with the beautiful mountains behind us,

there is no way we can get hurt.

[laughter]

- I'm wide open! - Oh.

Can I please go play flaming soccer with my friends?

- No!

- But camp is supposed to be fun.

- In my country, children do not have fun.

They stay safe.

Now, close eyes, find center,

and start chanting the mantra I taught you.

- No fun, no fun.

No fun, no fun, no fun.

[chanting continues]

[rumbling]

- Hmm?

[screams]

[both grunting]

[screams]

Phew, it was just a nightmare.

Ah, ah!

[curious music]

- [grunts]

- Ah! Stop hurting yourself!

- Oh, this doesn't hurt.

I'm made of sponge.

But you aren't, and since you're so accident-prone,

I nurse-proofed your cabin for ya.

[giggling]

See, now ya can't get hurt.

It's fun. Try it.

[giggling]

- Hmm.

- Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

- Oh, this is fun. [laughing]

- Hello? I need a nurse.

[sizzling]

- Let me guess.

Sandy's "Hot Time at the Hoedown,

Shut the Barn Door, Flaming Saddle Serve"?

[horse neighs] - Uh-huh.

- Hmm.

Walk it off.

We are having fun!

- [singing cheerfully]

[all groaning]

- [whistling]

- Will you hurry up?

- Just a minute, Mr. Tentacles.

I've only washed my outside. Still gotta do my insides.

[heartbeat thumping]

Whoa!

[humming softly]

Ah, sparkly clean.

[all shouting]

- Don't look directly at him, Harvey!

- My eyes!

- The shower's all yours, Mr. Tentacles.

- Oh, finally!

[screams]

You used up all the hot water, you nitwit!

- Morning, Patrick. Heading over for your shower?

Wanna borrow my soap? - [hisses]

No thanks.

I don't bathe anymore, SpongeBob.

It washes away my essential Patrick-y-ness.

If no one can smell you, do you even exist?

[chuckles]

- [groans]

Oh, boy, do you exist.

[sniffs deeply]

Ah, I smell like nothing.

I've washed away my identity!

- Don't worry buddy. I've gotcha.

- [sniffs]

Oh! What is that awful smell?

Those loafers never empty the trash.

- Hi Counselor Tentacles.

- I--

Ah! You just took a shower. How did you become so stinky?

- Patrick is helping me discover my true smell.

- Huh?

- ♪ I'm a stinker ♪ - ♪ He's a stinker ♪

both: ♪ Let's all be stinkers together ♪

- Whoo!

Join us, Counselor Tentacles.

Discover the real you.

- "Real you"? More like P.U.

[grunts]

- Hmm?

- Camp Master Krabs, these two bio-hazards

are stinking up my cabin.

- [sniffs, gags]

You smell worse than a garbage cow in a sea of diapers.

- These geniuses have stopped showering.

[both giggle]

- We're on a journey of smell discovery.

- Then why am I payin' for soap?

Hold on, sailor.

If they all stop showerin',

I'll never have to buy soap again.

Attention, Kamp Koral.

Camper SpongeBob and Camper Patrick

have stopped showerin'.

Therefore, I have decided that they deserve...

- [snickering] - Oh!

- Badges!

- [snickering] What the?

Oh! both: Whoa!

- You have earned the prestigious stinky badge

for outstanding smelliness.

- That sounds hardcore.

- Finally, a badge I don't have to work for.

- And if every camper stinks together,

Kamp Koral could win

the "Stinkiest Camp in the Forest" award.

All you have to do is stop showerin'.

Are ya with me, Campers?

all: We'll never shower again!

- Ugh! Disgusting!

Count me out.

- One smelly week later.

- Come on, dudes.

We need to work up a powerful sweaty funk.

- Stink check.

[both sniffing]

- Ah. [sniffing deeply]

- I don't know about this kid.

There's no stink at all.

- Uh-huh.

- Howdy! - [sniffs] Hmm.

Uh-uh. - Aww, poor Sandy.

You can't get stinky in a spacesuit.

- Aw, don't you fret, SpongeBob.

Now that I've cranked up my suit's heater,

I am smellier than a hog at a manure convention.

Take a whiff.

And to really get in the spirit,

I painted my caboose! - Ooh! Skunk-tastic!

- [humming]

Thanks to those stink-wits, I have my own private shower.

[vocalizing]

- Hey, look. Someone's taking a shower.

- I'll handle this! Hyah!

- [vocalizing] Huh?

- Whoo!

- Now, what kind of camper would be taking a shower

when we all should be stinking together?

- I've got a sneakin' suspicion the varmint's name is--

[screaming] all: Counselor Tentacles?

- What happened to the water?

I still have three more legs to wash.

- Aw, Mr. Tentacles,

if you don't start stinkin' soon,

we'll never win the Stinkiest Camp award.

- I'm too civilized to join your rank ranks.

Hmph! [muttering indistinctly]

[all groaning] b*at it, you smelly saps.

- Let's get that spotless sidewinder!

- Ah! all: Stink with us.

[campers farting and grunting]

- [panting]

- Give up, Counselor Tentacles.

We've got you out-stinked.

- Aha!

- [screams] Not soap on a rope!

- Fresh clean scent!

- Ha-ha! That won't stop me!

- Ah, hyah!

- Whoa!

Hornswoggled by terrycloth. [grunts]

- [panting]

- Join us, Counselor Tentacles.

- Embrace your inner stinker.

Whoa!

- [gasping]

[sniffs] Huh?

- Hi, Squidward.

- [growls] - [shouts]

- I have got to keep those filthy fools out of here.

[grunting]

[chuckles]

[snickering]

Ha!

[screeching oboe notes]

Now that's what I call a clean sh*t.

- Become one with the smelliness.

- Let your stink flag fly!

[heroic music]

- Get back, you foul-smelling fools!

- Huh? [all yelp]

- Charge!

[all shouting]

all: Join the stink. Join the stink.

Join the stink. Join the stink.

- Let an unprofessional handle this.

Give Patrick a big stinky hug.

Uh-oh.

- Fire in the hole!

- [yelping]

Ah! Sparkly fresh?

Ew!

- Oh, no. I'm running low on cleaning supplies.

Time to execute my escape plan.

I give up. I surrender. [campers cheering]

- Glad you're finally ready to be one with the stink,

Counselor Tentacles.

- Ha-ha. Changed my mind.

[both groaning]

- Ah! Pine scented!

- [laughs] I'm protected by my outer shell.

- [chuckles] Then I'll just have to cr*ck this nut.

- [screaming]

Fizzing bubbles!

- [snickers, snorts]

[indistinct muttering]

all: What?

Eat soap bubbles!

[all screaming]

- Initiate smelly spit-wad att*ck!

- [screaming]

- We've lost him. - Don't worry.

We'll track him down with my new-fangled Stink-O-Meter.

[forceful sniffing]

- P.U.

- You read fully funky.

[beeping]

I'm detecting an absence of stink at :!

- It's only :.

[sniffs] [device buzzing]

- Hmm, well, he's not in there.

Come on!

- [chuckles]

Those goofballs fell for my funk-o-flage.

- There he is! - What?

- The clean one!

- Ah! I'm out of a*mo!

Huh? Aha!

Those stinkers won't follow me into the lake.

all: Phew! [dock creaking]

[all scream]

- Oh, I've sprung a leak.

- No, our precious filth!

- All of my hard-earned stank has washed away.

- Aww, now we'll never win the Filthiest Camp award.

- Maybe not, little Camper.

all: Whoa!

- That lucky kid has won the "Stinkiest Camper

in the Forest" award. all: Huh?

- [groaning]

- There really is an award?

Is there a cash prize?

- No cash. Just this stinky trophy.

- Ah, whatever.

- Congratulations, Camper. - What?

all: Hooray for Squidward!

- Does anybody have a wet wipe?

[cheerful music]

♪ ♪