07x16 - Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Three: Stag

[bunniefuu]

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

[MS. GRUNDY] "I saw the
best minds of my generation

destroyed by madness,

starving, hysterical, naked.

Angel-headed hipsters burning for
the ancient heavenly connection

to the starry dynamo in
the machinery of night,

floating across the tops of
cities contemplating jazz."

Is that from Howl, by Allen Ginsberg?

Yeah. He... he performed it

in San Francisco earlier this year.

Ginsberg, he's a b*at poet, isn't he?

That's right, Betty.

Yeah, he was there at the
beginning, at Columbia,

with Jack Kerouac and William Burroughs.

Sorry, but... who are the Beats?

- The Beats are...
- Vagabond rebel writers

who reject institutionalized
American values

like materialism, conformity
and heteronormativity.

Heteronormativity?

The Beats have a lot of sex, Archie.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[CLAY] And a lot of it with each other.

Even the men's men,
like Kerouac and Cassidy,

they have girlfriends.

But they also have each other.

Bully for them. Sounds like
my kind of literary movement.

The Beats are a whole counterculture

dedicated to living
their lives a certain way.

Always exploring,

experimenting, hustling,

pushing the boundaries
of human experience.

You know, really living.

[ARCHIE] Uh...

Uh, Ms. Grundy,

are we allowed to continue reading Howl?

Yes, I already made copies.

Read it, and we will discuss
it at our next meeting.

Bettie Page sure is a dolly and a half.

Oh, she's an icon in fishnets.

Even you will have to agree, Lizzo.

Yeah, she's not bad,

but I wanna let you two
kittens in on a little secret.

That mag's nowheresville compared
to what I just got in the mail.

What are my eyes beholding?

The latest issue of
Femme-and-In magazine,

an underground lesbian pin-up mag.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

Lizzo, can we borrow this?

Oh, you can keep it, Topaz.
I always buy two copies.

Just, uh, don't get caught with
your hand in the cookie jar.

Whatever you wet rags are
doing tonight, drop it.

I got my hands on a stag film.

Wait, what's a stag film?

Jeez, Andrews, maybe it's time

to get your nose out of those poems.

It's a skin flick,

complete with naked women.

Sometimes more than one.

Where'd you get something like that?

A buddy of mine from Stonewall Prep,

lent it to me.

So who's game?

Oh, come on, Fogarty,
you've got to be horny

with your honey under lock
and key at the Sisters'.

Where would we watch it?

We can hang a blanket
up in my parents' barn.

Only glitch is, we need a projector.

You two work at the
movie theater, right?

Can you help a brother out?

The Babylonium does have
a smaller projector, but...

We wanna come, too.

Fine.

Just don't expect it to be like

one of those wrestling
movies you like to watch.

So, Robert Frost.

You in?

- Yeah, we're in.
- Right-o.

From all accounts you
won't be disappointed.

My pal told me that there's
nothing they don't show.

[BOYS CHUCKLE]

[TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACKING]

Jeepers, Mr. Fieldstone,
it's like a funeral in here.

Did something happen?

[SIGHS] Yes. I got a letter
from that crackpot Werthers.

Apparently wants to
follow up his bonfire

with some cockamamie comic book code

he wants to ram down our throats.

A code to do what?

To censor our content,

like the Hays Code censors movies.

Now, I didn't spend two
years fighting Nazis in France

to kowtow to fascists at home.

He and his "board of experts"

want to have a sit-down
meeting with you?

Yeah, and look who that geezer's
got on his side of the table.

Mayor Blossom, that
chrome-dome principal,

some fuddy-duddy nun from
The Sisters of Quiet Mercy.

Well, golly, Mr. Fieldstone,
you have to do it.

It might be the best
way to defend Pep Comics

before this code becomes official.

Okay, fine, fine. I'll,
I'll try and get my hands

on a draft of Werthers'
"recommendations"

before we go into the lion's den.

"We"?

You have tangled with Werthers before

and lived to tell the tale.

So far.

What do you say?

Will you step up?

You betcha.

Let's b*at 'em at their own game.

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

You know, babe,

what if we did a
pin-up sh**t of our own.

Color me curious.

I've got a camera.

And it has a timer,

so we could both be in the pictures.

In that case, afterwards,

we could pick our favorite photo,

and then I could turn it into

the most fantabulous oil painting

in the tradition of our favorite

pulp novel covers. [GASPS]

I know exactly

where our clandestine photoshoot can be.

Tell me. Where?

Thornhill's chapel.

No one in my unholy family ever uses it.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[VERONICA] Well, if it
isn't the Bobbsey Twins,

up to their old tricks again.

How many times do I
have to tell you boys

that you're free to watch your
wrestling movies in our auditorium.

After hours, of course,
and provided you clean up.

Oh, uh, it's, it's not
that, Veronica. Um...

Julian...

got his hands on a stag film,

and he needs a projector to screen it.

You don't say.

I've heard about these "smokers" before.

So-called because they're
typically screened by men

in the back rooms of their private clubs

while smoking cigars
and enjoying hot toddies.

But I've never actually seen one.

Though I've always been curious.

Exactly. Same as us.

Yeah, that's why we're
helping the creep.

Why don't I make you a deal?

You tell Julian

that he can do a proper screening

here at the Babylonium tonight,

and invite all his horndog friends.

But I get to come, too.

And invite a gal-pal.

["W.O.M.A.N" PLAYING]

♪ Talkin' about you, a man ♪

♪ Always ready to go ♪

♪ And holler ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ I'm a W-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ A woman ♪

♪ A woman ♪

♪ Woman ♪

♪ Woman ♪

♪ Now that should teach
you about a W-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ Woman... ♪

[VERONICA] I thought you'd
given me the brush-off.

I know. I'm sorry. I had to wait for
my mom to take her sleeping pills.

I'm just glad you made it.

I didn't want to be the only girl here,

and I knew you'd wanna take a gander.

Oh, yes.

Ever since reading about stag films

in Dr. Kingsley's book.

Well, the boys are
already in the theater,

panting like a pack of rabid wolves.

[BOYS WHOOPING]

[VERONICA] It's showtime, fellas.

So settle down,

and welcome to the
Riverdale premiere of...

The Wedding Night.

- [BOYS] Yeah!
- [VERONICA] Yes.

In which a young, blushing bride

is initiated into the
mysteries of matrimony.

[BOY] Okay!

Now, behave yourselves, fellas.

Keep the roughhousing and
catcalling to a minimum.

And with that, enjoy the show.

[BOYS CHEERING AND WHOOPING]

[BOYS SHUSHING]

[PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING]

[BOYS MUTTERING]

[BOYS HOOTING, HOLLERING]

- [JULIAN] Take it off!
- [BOY] Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

Betty, what's wrong?

Stop! Stop the movie! Stop!

That woman is my sister.

- Your sister?
- Polly?

Cut the reel and, uh,
hit the lights, Clay.

[BOYS BOOING]

[BELL CHIMES]

Well, safe to say that was
a twist no one saw coming.

When was the last time
you saw your sister?

A couple of years, but, Vee,
this doesn't make any sense.

Polly is a dancer on Broadway.

Maybe you should call Polly.

See if you can get some answers.

[PHONE LINE TRILLING]

- [POLLY] Hello.
- Polly.

It's Betty, I...

I found your number
in Mom's address book.

I'm sorry to be calling
you so late, but...

we need to talk.

♪ Well, somebody told me ♪

♪ My gal was runnin' 'round ♪

♪ Yeah, somebody told me ♪

♪ I don't want her to be like that ♪

♪ 'Cause she's only actin' a clown ♪

He didn't pass it to you, he...

So last night was a bust.

Tell you what, though,

I got Keller and Walker
to lend me a projector,

and I watched another movie I got

from my buddy at Stonewall Prep

after Cooper shut us down.

And, guys,

it's like the tenth
Wonder of the World. Mm.

And guess what?

For two bucks,

I'll rent you the
projector and the movie,

which you can watch

in the privacy of your own home,

this time, with no interruptions.

What do you say, boys?

[VERONICA] Okay, so you
and Polly actually spoke?

Yes, but it was quick.

She's on her way to Riverdale, now.

We're gonna meet at Pop's

so she can explain
everything to me in person.

But she says she doesn't
do those films anymore.

Right. She's on Broadway.

No, actually, that's her cover story.

What she told me last
night is she does...

[WHISPERS] burlesque.

Really?

Do your parents know that?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Apparently.

I didn't ask them this morning.

They don't even know that
I reached out to Polly.

Well, for what it's worth,
burlesque is a legit art form.

In fact, some burlesque
performers are huge stars.

Gypsy Rose Lee, to name one.

Josephine Baker, to name another.

Well, she says her stage
name is Polly Amorous.

Cut the gas.

Polly Amorous?

Betty, she's the
berries. I'm gonna flip.

What?

Have you seen her perform?

No, I wish.

But I recognize that
name from the trades.

I always thought she sounded
so glamorous and flossy.

I mean, I'd flat-out
die and go to heaven

to have her perform at the Babylonium.

Uh, she kind of already did.

Her burlesque show, you tickler.

Say, come to think of it,

maybe this is why your mom
is so terrified of S-E-X.

Maybe she's threatened by Polly.

Her independence,

her sexuality,

her devil-may-care ways.

Well, hi-de-ho, I
must say it's official.

You're a genius.

Well, photography is no big whoop

when you have subjects
as stunning as, well, us.

By the way, I was reading the back pages

of Femme-and-In magazine,

and they publish amateur photos,

if that's something that
you're interested in.

Perhaps after we graduate high school.

In the meantime,

how do you feel about me
painting a version of this for us?

That's my favorite one, too.

I can't wait to see how you pulpify us.

[JUGHEAD] I know how you feel
about comic books, Veronica,

but I also know that you're
the top negotiator in town.

And though I'm not necessarily
a fanatic of comic books,

I don't think they should
be b*rned or banned.

But this code...

Yeah, my boss, Mr. Fieldstone

got us a copy ahead of the meeting.

What that crackpot Werthers
is proposing is insane.

I mean, it is straight out of .

Big Brother is watching,

and he's trying to
take your comic books.

These rules are more
outrageous than the Hays Code.

How can you possibly spin any yarn

with all these kinds
of blanket restrictions?

Heck, he's even trying to ban the words

"horror" and "terror" from our covers.

And some of these rules
are incredibly vague.

Werthers wants to outlaw stories with

"horror, bloodshed, depravity, lust,"

but he doesn't define
what those terms mean.

I think he's trying to
specifically target Pep Comics.

And if he gets his way, the good doctor

is going to run us out of business.

So you came to me.

Smart.

Well, first,

don't get the gringles.

If they smell fear,

they will pounce on you.

Technically, this isn't a code.

It's a proposal.

Their first offer.

So you and Mr. Fieldstone
should make a counter-proposal.

Go through this draft point by point.

Be crystal clear about what you want.

Yeah. Yeah, that's good.

You're in the right
on this one, Jughead.

Don't doubt yourself.

It's really nice to
see you again, Polly.

I missed you.

Aw. I missed you, too, Betty.

I'm sorry that we're reconnecting

under these circumstances.

Oh, I figured you'd want this back.

Yes, hmm, thank you.

Can I ask, why did you do it, Polly?

[EXHALES]

I got hoodwinked into
filming The Wedding Night

when I first got to New York.

I was young and naive,

and I fell in love with a
fink who steered me wrong.

I spent a year trying to track
down every copy I could find.

- Thought I got 'em all.
- [BETTY] Hmm.

Well, how did you... how
did you get into burlesque?

It's funny.

Um, I auditioned for the Rockettes.

But I wasn't tall enough.

And then I saw Gypsy Rose Lee perform

at the Ziegfeld Follies, and I thought,

that is what I wanna do.

And whatever you might
think about burlesque,

I'm proud of my career.

It's on my terms. I make good money.

People respect me,

and I respect myself.

So you don't have to worry.

I wanted to tell you that face to face.

[SIGHS] I'm so happy
for you, Polly, really.

And... to be perfectly honest,

I did a little burlesque show of my own

just for one person, Archie.

Archie from next door?

In our windows.

Well, you always were sweet on him.

How much did you say
Mom and Dad know about...

My life?

Well, they don't know
about The Wedding Night.

Thank God.

But they do know about Polly Amorous.

I invited them to my
show a couple years ago.

They walked out in
the first five minutes

without saying a word.

Not a peep.

And then I started hearing
that Mom was telling people

I was doing Guys and
Dolls, and I thought,

"Well, that is it for me."

In their eyes, at least.

But it's fine.

I'm past that. Truly.

I came here for you, Betty,

and I booked a room
at the Cozy Time Motel

because I figured Mom and Dad
have no interest in seeing me.

And anyways, I don't wanna
step foot in that house...

[CHUCKLES] ever again.

I understand.

Believe me. [SCOFFS]

But I thought we could
do something fun tonight.

Go shopping, to the
movies. My treat, of course.

Actually, if you're not
rushing back to the city,

I was wondering if you might be willing

to meet a friend of mine.

She's a big fan of yours,

of... of Polly Amorous.

A fan in Riverdale?

Absolutely.

I never say no to a fan.

[BOTH GIGGLE SOFTLY]

[GIRLS GIGGLING]

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

Be still my b*ating heart.

The Polly Amorous sitting
in my humble living room.

Now that we're gal pals,

you must tell me
everything about everything.

How's Gay Paree and Old Madrid
and every city in between.

I will let you know
just after I get back

from my all-expenses-paid
first-class European tour.

- Polly, you're going to Europe?
- Mm-hmm.

Your sister is living the dream.

A new city and a different
paramour every night I bet.

[CHUCKLES] Well, not exactly.

Oh?

I...

I'm engaged.

You're engaged?

To... to who?

[CHUCKLES] His name is Langley Huggles.

He's a stockbroker,
completely devoted to me.

Keeps me grounded.

And housed in a penthouse
on the Upper West Side.

Ooh, la, la.

[POLLY CHUCKLES]

Polly, you were going to
invite me to the wedding,

I hope, whatever tension
there is with Mom and Dad.

Sure, I was.

Actually,

I was gonna ask you if you
would be my maid of honor.

Aw.

Well, I wouldn't be Veronica
Lodge if I didn't ask.

What do you think about
doing a one-night-only show

at my theater, The Babylonium?

I know Betty would love to
see you perform, as would I.

It's true, and maybe
Mom would even come,

since it's right here in town.

I wouldn't hold your
breath on that, Betty.

But as a matter of fact,

I am working on a new routine.

Well, then it's kismet.

And we'll keep it on the
hush-hush. Girls only.

[SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING]

This is gonna be the best
two dollars we've ever spent.

I'll say. Tonight we become men.

[REGGIE GRUNTS]

You ready?

- Yeah.
- [CLICK]

[QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING]

What, uh... [CLEARS THROAT]

What is this?

Don't know. Maybe they're gonna
fight over a girl or something.

- Right. Yeah.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Dang nabbit!

That joker Julian must have
switched films on us as a gag.

Yeah, didn't Julian say something about

Kevin and Clay watching
wrestling videos?

I don't know. But we should probably

turn this off, right?
[CHUCKLES] I mean...

Yeah. Yeah, we probably should.

Maybe we just give it a minute

just to see if a girl
comes in or something.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

[CHUCKLES]

Let's do that.

[QUIRKY MUSIC CONTINUES]

Hey, that was... wacko, right?

Do you think the guys
in that movie were...

you know...

Well... some guys are that way.

Yeah, so...

Are Kevin and Clay?

I think...

yeah.

Maybe.

And, you know, there's an in-between.

What do you mean, an in-between?

Like a little wiggle room to... explore.

We've been talking about it
in Mrs. Grundy's workshop.

These b*at poets would...

experiment with each other.

Even though they were men's men,

with girlfriends, wives, families.

They would...

with... other guys?

Do stuff.

Yeah, with their buddies.

Just to see, just to...

try it on for size.

- [BOTH GASP]
- I gotta take a cold shower.

Yeah, me too. Well, I'll
go after you. [CHUCKLES]

And tomorrow you can bet your ass

that Julian Blossom is gonna
give us our two dollars back.

Yeah.

Hey, Blossom!

What's the big idea giving
us a wrestling movie?

Aw, aren't you two in
love with each other?

I thought that flick might
break the ice, you know,

get the ball, or balls, rolling.

Give us our damn money
back or I'll pound you.

All right!

Get your filthy meat hooks off of me.

There you go, ladies.

There's your two clams.

If anything I should be paying you.

- Your faces are priceless.
- [CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY]

What about the damn stag film?

The one with Cooper's sister.

Betty took it, numbskull.

But I do have another smoky.

This one about a guy with two girls.

If you're interested.

This time I'll lend it to you gratis.

What does that mean?

[SOFTLY] It's free.

'Cause I'm that kind of guy.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Hey, all you hep kittens!

May we have your attention, please?

Clear your dance cards, ladies,

because the Babylonium
is proud to present

a very special,
one-night-only performance

by international burlesque
star and chanteuse,

the sensational Polly Amorous.

Who?

My sister Polly.

Wait. Your sister's a burlesque star.

Things are starting to
make a hellish sense now.

[VERONICA] In any case,

this is going to be a ladies night only.

No boys allowed.

Well, sounds like my kinda night.

So, who's in?

[JUGHEAD] "Scenes dealing with

or instruments associated
with walking dead,

t*rture, vampires and vampirism,

ghouls, cannibalism,

and werewolfism are prohibited."

Wooden stakes are used to k*ll vampires.

But if Super Duck used
wooden stakes to pitch a tent,

would that be okay or
is that banned, too?

Mr. Jones, please.

Clearly, context matters.

And shouldn't you be in class?

It's my lunch period, sir.

"Suggestive and salacious illustration

or suggestive posture is unacceptable"?

Could you be a little more specific

about which postures you mean?

Um, Sister,

uh, perhaps you and the doctor

could, uh, demonstrate
for us numbskulls.

Buffoons.

What about this item?

"All scenes of horror,
excessive bloodshed,

gory or gruesome crimes,
depravity, lust, sadism

and masochism shall not be permitted"?

This code in its current state
violates the First Amendment.

Oh, surely you're not suggesting

that tripe like this is
protected by free speech.

Freedom of speech is
protection of speech

that you don't agree with, Dr. Werthers.

What you are advocating
for is censorship.

You even wanna ban the word "mystery"

from appearing on our covers.

Mr. Fieldstone, as an educator,

I believe this code to
be quite even-handed.

Well, I believe it to be

intentionally vague and confusing

so that you can apply it to
anything you want to censor.

And who exactly defines what "lurid",

"unsavory" or "perverted" is?

Is that you, Dr. Werthers?

Are we done here?

[JUGHEAD] No, we are not done here.

We have a counter-proposal.

In the form of a rating system.

A rating system?

Yes, printed clearly on our covers.

A comic might be rated "K" for "Kid"

or "T" for "Teen" or "A" for "Adult."

Don't be so naive.

Stamping an "A" for
"Adult" on a comic book

would only make it more
desirable for young readers.

[FEATHERHEAD] Riverdale's
children and teenagers

must be protected.

At all costs.

Yeah, you, you keep saying this,

but "protected" from what?

From the corrupting filth

that you and your
colleagues peddle, Mr. Jones.

Tales of... of m*rder,
lust, sex and v*olence

that would in turn prompt
the same in their behavior.

Do you want to know what
else has all of those themes?

The Bible, the plays of Shakespeare,

Bullfinch's Mythology...

Apples and oranges.

Wrongdoers are punished in the Bible.

Show me one Pep Comic book

that glamorizes v*olence.

I don't read such depravity.

No, you just burn it.

Gentlemen, Sister,

I think it's time we wrapped this up.

Don't you concur?

Wrap it up? We haven't even
begun to reach compromise.

This meeting was never a negotiation.

It was offered to you as a courtesy.

All of your competitors
have already agreed

to comply with our Comic Book Code.

You are, at the moment,
the only holdouts.

I mean, if you do not
abide by our strictures,

then you will not be able to print

the Comic Book Code Seal
of Approval on your books.

No! No.

Not even Super Duck,

which means that no newsstand in America

will sell or even
carry your comic books.

They will be relegated
to the trash heap,

where they belong.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

I know it's been a busy week,

but did you all have
a chance to read Howl?

Good. Let's open it up for discussion.

What did you all think?

Dynamic and hallucinogenic.

A subterranean toppling of
idolatry and an awakening.

[MS. GRUNDY] Very good, Clay.

Archie, what did you
think of Ginsberg's poem?

I...

couldn't sleep after reading it.

Where does a humdinger
like Howleven come from?

Well, Allen's lived a lot of life.

My husband says,

"You can't be a real poet
without really... living."

Well, in that case,

I'm never gonna be able to
write anything like Howl.

Why would you say that, Archie?

Because look at me, Ms.
Grundy. I'm a square.

What am I gonna write about?

Jack Kerouac played football
in small-town Massachusetts

before going to Columbia
to study writing.

[CLAY] Maybe it's more about

keeping an open mind about things.

Being open to trying new things,

with different people.

Or more than one person, maybe two.

Let me ask you this, Archie.

Have you ever seen the sunrise?

Sure.

You mean like waking up
early for basketball practice?

No, no, I mean staying up all night.

With your friends, drinking coffee and,

and getting into deep
philosophical conversations

that last until the sky
streaks pink and yellow

with the dawn's early light.

My husband and I do that, once a month.

Let me tell you, it is...

transcendent.

It's like... being reborn.

Betty,

what's your take on Howl?

To be honest, Mrs. Grundy,
I'm halfway through it, and...

so far, I appreciate how...

How it isn't afraid to
ask the hard questions?

To have the difficult conversations

that many of us are...

too afraid to even begin?

Lady's Leisure?

Any interesting article...

What can I do for you, Elizabeth?

I came here to see if
you wanted to join me

and my gal pals tonight
at the Babylonium.

[SCOFFS]

Polly's performing.

What?

Polly's here? In Riverdale?

And she's performing?

She is. I called her.

When were you planning on
telling me that my sister

is a world famous burlesque dancer?

Never, if I had my druthers.

So is that why you've been
so down on me all this time?

Are you punishing me
for Polly's choices,

or trying to make sure that I
don't follow in her footsteps?

I can't believe your
sister's here, performing.

Well, she is.

She's living her life, Mom,

without us because you
decided to cut her off.

Oh, did you know that she's engaged?

To a stockbroker.

Don't you want to go to her wedding?

Please, just come to
the show tonight, Mom.

Imagine what a great surprise
that it would be for her,

not to mention the best
chance we have to...

just be a family again.

In what world

would I wanna go and watch my daughter

debase herself for dirty old men?

It is not for dirty old men.

It is just for girls.

Well, I don't care if
it's for the Virgin Mary.

[SIGHS] Well, I'm going.

And don't even try to forbid me.

Because I'm proud of Polly

and I want to support her,

and show her that I love and
accept her no matter what.

Unlike her mother.

You ready?

Ready.

[ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

What...

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no! No!

What are we supposed to do now?

I'm horny as heck!

Me, too, Reg.

Me, too.

Wait...

I got an idea.

Now it's little raunchy,

but, I mean, if you're up for it...

♪ Diamonds, pearls ♪

♪ Emeralds and rings ♪

Well, well, well.

Looks like Twyla hit
the jackpot tonight.

Now, which one of you hunks

of Wisconsin man-cheese
is coming in first?

Or maybe you both wanna come in...

at the same time?

[GIRLS CHEERING]

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

- Ladies and...
- [GIRLS CONTINUE CHEERING]

Ladies.

The Babylonium takes great pleasure

in presenting the one, the
only, Miss Polly Amorous!

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Curtain up ♪

♪ Light the lights ♪

♪ Play it, boys! ♪

♪ Ya either got it or ya ain't ♪

♪ And, boys, I got it! ♪

♪ Some people got it and make it pay ♪

♪ Some people can't even give it away ♪

♪ This people's got it ♪

♪ And this people's
spreadin' it around ♪

♪ You either have it ♪

♪ Or you've had it ♪

♪ Hello, everybody! ♪

♪ Mama's talkin' loud ♪

♪ Mama's doin' fine ♪

♪ Mama's gettin' hot ♪

♪ Mama's goin' strong ♪

♪ Mama's movin' on ♪

♪ Mama's all alone ♪

♪ Mama doesn't care ♪

♪ Mama's lettin' loose ♪

♪ Mama's got the stuff ♪

♪ Mama's lettin' go! ♪

♪ Why did I do it? ♪

♪ Give 'em love and
what does it get ya? ♪

♪ What does it get ya? ♪

♪ One quick look as
each of 'em leaves you ♪

♪ All your life and
what does it get ya? ♪

♪ Thanks a lot and
out with the garbage ♪

♪ They take bows and
you're battin' zero ♪

♪ Everything's coming up roses ♪

♪ Everything's coming up roses ♪

♪ Everything's coming up roses ♪

♪ This time for me ♪

♪ For me ♪

♪ For me! ♪

♪ For me! ♪

♪ For me! ♪

♪ For me! ♪

♪ For me! ♪

[CHEERING]

Polly, that was spectacular.

Oh, it was okay.

Still working out the kinks.

Well, some of them.

I'm just glad I finally got to see

a bona fide burlesque star in the flesh.

But interestingly, not too much flesh.

Well, that is correct.

If you're good enough, you
can suggest more than show.

Well, you, my dear Miss
Amorous are better than good.

I'm just sorry that Mom didn't come.

I really thought that she might rally.

It's okay. She doesn't
believe in what I do.

But that's on her. Not me or you.

Look, Betty,

if you take anything from
my visit, let it be this.

When you find the thing that you love,

just promise me that you'll do it.

No matter what Mom or anybody says.

I promise.

And I want nothing more than
to be your maid of honor.

[POLLY] Oh, Betty.

Oh, consider yourself booked.

[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]

Wow.

Mrs. Grundy was right.

Staying up all night really
does make the dawn look...

Different.

Somehow.

Yeah.

And now that we've...

expanded our horizons...

It seems like...

anything's possible at this point.

I love you, Reggie.

I love you, too, bud.

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

[PENELOPE] Sweetheart.

Something wrong?

Perhaps you should pray
on it in the chapel.

I don't get to go as often as I'd like,

but when I do I find such comfort there.

[SCOFFS]

Toni, I have a question for you.

Do you still have the
negatives from our photoshoot?

Of course. Why?

My hideous mother

and by extension, my father.

I can't keep living at their mercy.

I wanna shut them up and shut them down,

once and for all.

Didn't hear you come in last night.

I presume Polly's on her
way back to New York City?

- Yes.
- [SIGHS]

And I'm so jealous.

She has... freedom,

a career she loves,

someone in her life who worships her.

That's more than any
one of us here can say.

Don't pick a fight with me, Elizabeth.

I'm not in the mood.

So when are you going to stop?

Stop sabotaging our family?

- Oh, is that what you think I'm doing?
- Well, isn't it?

Did you forget when you
disowned me as your daughter?

- Oh...
- You drove Polly away.

We couldn't even have
one night together,

the three of us,
because of your hang-ups.

- Oh...
- You know what?

You are a sad, lonely woman.

And it is all your own doing.

But I'll tell you this, Mom,

I am not giving you any
more power over my life

because you will ruin it.

I'm going to do exactly what Polly did.

And the second I can
leave this town, I'm gone.

Fine.

Go!

Oh, you should know, after last night,

I'm thinking of following
in Polly's footsteps

and becoming a burlesque dancer, too.

Except maybe I'll take
off all my clothes.

And then what will
you tell your friends?

Or will you just pretend
that I don't exist

or that I d*ed tragically?

- Elizabeth...
- It doesn't matter

because I won't be in this house.

I will be far away from you

doing whatever I want,
and you can't stop me.

[ALICE GRUNTS]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[INHALES SHARPLY]

I'm surprised it took
you this long to do that.

[VERONICA] So what happens now?

Well, if we don't follow their code,

we can't publish our comics
with their "Seal of Approval."

And if we can't get that,

then publishers won't print our comics.

Distributors will not ship them,

and newsstands will not sell them.

So, we either follow
their cock-eyed rules,

or we go the way of the dodos.

How could I have been so naive?

I, I really thought that
there was a way through this.

You weren't naive, Jughead.

You were fighting for what's right.

For what this country stands for...

or what it's supposed to stand for.

Well, shucks,

who even needs the Russian invasion

when we're happily destroying ourselves?

Don't you worry, Nick Charles,
we'll figure something out.

Oh, "we" will?

I mean,

I just sort of said that

to say something.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

But here we find ourselves...

once again,

just the two of us.

We...

kind of blew it last time, didn't we?

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

We did.

But as I said...

here we are again.

Here we are again.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[BELL CHIMES]