02x08 - Days of Acne and Roses

[bunniefuu]

[THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY'S
"COME ON GET HAPPY" PLAYING]

♪ Hello, world, hear the song
That we're singing ♪

♪ Come on, get happy ♪

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
Is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ We had a dream
We'd go traveling together ♪

♪ We'd spread a little love ♪

♪ And then we'll keep
Movin' on ♪

♪ Something always happens
Whenever we're together ♪

♪ We get a happy feeling
When we're singing a song ♪

♪ Traveling along there's
A song that we're singing ♪

♪ Come on, get happy ♪

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
Is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Mavis, I-- I--

Look, I'm right in the middle
of fixing dinner, Mavis.

[♪♪♪]

Mom, where can I hide
the basketball?

I don't want Keith to play
with it.

Chris, please stop bouncing
that thing.

I'm sorry,
Mavis.

This has been one
of those days.

I need six hands.

Mavis,
I'm sorry,

I'm gonna have
to call you back.

Things are getting
rather hectic now.

Yes. Yes, I'll talk
to you later. Bye.

[♪♪♪]

Tracy,
what are you doing?

I'm playing Cinderella.
I'm going to the prince's ball.

Not in my dress you're not.

Get upstairs and take
that off and wash your face.

Gee, you're sure
no fairy godmother.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, hi, Mom. Have you seen
the basketball anywhere?

Keith,
you left the door open.

Oh, never mind.
I found it.

Hi, Mom.
What's wrong?

There was a basket--

Nothing.

It's just that this family
isn't playing

with a full deck,
that's all.

Maybe us kids are
a little weird,

but what I'd like
to know,

is why you're putting
sliced cucumbers in the gravy.

Because whole cucumbers
would make the gravy lumpy.

Hi, Wendell.

Mom, your groceries
are here.

Come on in, Wendell.
Oh, I'd better not.

You're gonna leave
the groceries on the doorstep?

I guess I can't do that.

How much do I owe you?
Oh, the money.

It comes to hundred
and --

No,
there's a decimal in there.

Fifteen dollars
and cents.

Wendell,
is something wrong?

Nothing.
I'm fine.

How are you,
Mrs. Partridge?

Fine.
Great. How are you, Danny?

Fine.
How's Keith?

Fine.
Chris and Tracy?

Fine. Fine.

Aren't you gonna ask
about Laurie?

No.
Can I have my money now?

Certainly.
That's --

I'll take your word
for it.

Oh, hi,
Wendell.

You sure you're all right?

I'm fine.
I'm just a klutz.

I gotta go. Bye.

What was all that about?

I don't know.

But he gave me
a quarter tip.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Well, if Wendell wants
to take Laurie out,

why doesn't he ask
her?

He's afraid.
Why?

Let me tell you
a little about Wendell.

Last week they put him in

for the last seconds
of the game.

The score was tied.

Wendell intercepted a pass and
ran all the way for a touchdown.

So?
He ran the wrong way.

The other team carried Wendell
off the field

on their shoulders.

Oh,
I was so embarrassed for him.

That's Wendell,
all right.

The other day at the store,

he hit a parked car
with a shopping cart.

The driver
claimed whiplash.

He seems rather nice. Nervous,
but nice.

Oh,
he is nice.

All he needs is
a little confidence,

but no one will give him
a chance.

If he asked me,

I'd be happy to go
out with him.

Why don't you let him know that?
I just can't ask him.

I can.

I doubt if he'd wanna go out
with you.

Danny, don't you dare.
You'll embarrass me.

No, I won't.
When I see him at the store

I'll just drop a subtle hint.

Do you wanna go out
with my sister or not?

No.
Whatever gave you that idea?

You just gave me a bag full
of five candy bars,

bubble gums and
a licorice whip.

And the first thing
you say is,

"How's Laurie?"

That gave me
my first clue.

Well,
you're wrong.

I don't wanna take
her out, okay?

Okay.
To be honest with you,

I don't know why you'd wanna
take her out anyway.

She's really ugly.
She's not ugly.

She is too.
She has a overbite.

She does not.
Oh, yeah?

When she bites on a carrot,
she only crimps it.

How can you say something
like that about her?

Because It's true,

and I don't wanna
go out with her.

Oh.
If you saw it,

I guess it must be written
all over my face.

At first I thought
it was blemishes.

I can't get away from it.

I'm a klutz.

I can't ask Laurie out.

Why not?

I've never been out
with a girl.

You're kidding.

[♪♪♪]

WENDELL:
Danny, I've changed my mind.

I feel silly.

Let's just forget it.
Listen, Wendell,

if you wanna learn
about a subject,

you go to an authority.

As far as girls go,
Keith is full of authority.

I'm what?

Wendell would like
to take out Laurie,

but he's never been out
with a girl before.

You'd be glad
to give some advice,

wouldn't you?

Uh, sure. What do you
wanna know, Wendell?

Well, you'd better start
with the basics.

DANNY:
You can always tell a girl.

They're lumpier than guys.
And they giggle a lot.

You mean they giggle
around all guys?

I always thought they was
laughing at me.

Well,
you were wrong.

Look,
the first thing you have to do

is you have to find
a place to park.

Wait a minute.
I can't tell you that.

Laurie's my sister.

I'd better take notes.

I'll run home
and get some paper.

Wendell,
you don't need notes.

When you've got your arm
around a girl,

you can't refer to notes.

See, that's it.

How do you work up enough nerve

to put your arm around a girl?

Simple. You just be bold
and straightforward.

I always yawn
and stretch,

then I kind of casually
drop my arm around her

like it was an accident.

But what if I'm not sleepy?

Fake it, Wendell.
Fake it.

It's no use.

I can't imagine
a girl going out with me.

Why would
she want to?

No, wait a minute, Wendell.
Wait a minute.

All you
need is a little confidence.

Now, I want you
to repeat this after me.

Hi. What are you doing
next Friday night?

Hi. What are you doing
next Friday night?

That's great. Great.
Try it again.

Sure. Hi. What are you doing
next Friday night?

That was great, wasn't that,
Danny?

DANNY:
Out of sight. One more time.

WENDELL:
next Friday night?

Where are we going?
Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.
We're going in the house.

Who's in the house?
Is Laurie in the house?

DANNY:
Wendell.

I need time to practice.
A couple of months.

Leave me alone.

I gotta go home.
I gotta mow the lawn.

What's going on?

I'm doing this
for your own good.

DANNY:
Please, Wendell.

What are you doing?

What--?
Nothing.

And I'd love
to go out with you.

[♪♪♪]

You're kidding.

How about that?
I did it.

All by myself.

And this is the place
I rented in Newport Beach.

It's one of those swinging
singles apartments.

I've heard those places
can be pretty wild.

Oh, I learned the real
meaning of wild.

A girl came down to the pool
wearing a bathing suit.

I thought it was a scar.

Now, this one--

What was that?
Nothing.

Reuben.

Oh... A girl who wanted
to get into show business.

That was her film test.

KEITH:
Laurie. Laurie.

Oh, hi, Reuben. How are you
Fine.

How was your trip?

If I die tomorrow,
I die a happy man.

What do you want?
You should've seen Wendell

at football practice today.
He's a changed man.

If you could've seen his face

when he told the guys
he was taking you out Friday.

LAURIE: Really?
The guys didn't believe it.

But then Wendell went out
and caught a pass,

and they knew
something was wrong.

I tell you,
if he can keep it up,

he may make second string.

It's amazing what a little
confidence will do.

Does this Wendell
own an airplane?

No.
What kind of question is that?

Well,
if he's taking you out Friday

he's gonna have to pick you
up in Phoenix, Arizona.

[♪♪♪]

But our concert in Phoenix
is on the th.

Right. And that's Friday.
Oh, no.

[♪♪♪]

Hi, Laurie.

I heard you were
looking for me.

Oh, hi, Wendell.
Yes, I was.

Hey,
is something wrong?

I mean, I'm the one who usually
stares at the ground.

Well, there's nothing wrong
with staring at the ground.

You find a lot of money
that way.

Wendell,
it's about Friday night.

What about Friday night?

We have a concert
in Phoenix Friday.

Oh.

I'm really sorry,

and it's all my fault.

But I didn't realize
that the th

and Friday was
actually Friday the th.

And I feel terrible.

I understand.
Do you really?

Sure. I make girls forget about
whole cities all the time.

You got a job to do.

Phoenix is certainly
more important than me anytime.

I don't even know why you said
you'd go out in the first place.

I'll see you,
huh?

Wendell, we can make it some
other time, can't we?

Yeah, sometime.

[♪♪♪]

[SINGING
"I'M ON MY WAY BACK HOME"]

♪ Got on a silver plane
And flew away ♪

♪ Chased all my rainbows
To the end ♪

♪ I wish I knew then
What I know today ♪

♪ I'm on my way
Back home again ♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ That's what's waitin'
For me ♪

♪ That's where I've got
To be ♪

♪ Just to look
In your eyes ♪

♪ Feel your lips
Touchin' mine ♪

♪ I'm on my way back home
Gonna fly ♪

♪ I'm on my way back home ♪

♪ I'm on my way back home
Gonna fly ♪

♪ I'm on my way ♪

♪ My way back home ♪

♪ I'm on my way back home
To you ♪

♪ I remember when ♪

♪ You told me
I'd return ♪

♪ You knew
Even then ♪

♪ Something I had
To learn ♪

♪ It's so far
And yet ♪

♪ It's right there
Where you live ♪

♪ It's something
That you get ♪

♪ Only when you give
And it's ♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ That's what's waitin'
For me ♪

♪ That's where I've got
To be ♪

♪ Just to look
In your eyes ♪

♪ Feel your lips
Touchin' mine ♪

♪ I'm on my way back home
Gonna fly ♪

♪ I'm on my way back home ♪

♪ I'm on my way back home
Gonna fly ♪

♪ I'm on my way ♪

♪ My way back home ♪

♪ I'm on my way back home
To you ♪

♪ I'm on my way back home ♪

♪ Gonna fly ♪

♪ I'm on my way back home ♪

♪ On my way ♪

♪ I'm on my way back home
Gonna fly ♪

♪ I'm on my way ♪

♪ My way back home ♪

♪ I'm on my way back home
To you ♪

♪ I'm on my way back home ♪

♪ On my way ♪

This was a new pair
of socks.

I don't know how
you wear them out so fast.

It's not me, Mom.
It's the shoes.

And I've been meaning
to talk to you

about the economic feasibility
of going barefoot.

You keep your shoes on.

It's the only way the neighbors
can tell you're civilized.

Hi, Mom.
Hi.

By your expression,

I take it that Wendell
is still avoiding you.

I saw him at lunch today.

But when he saw me,

he ducked in the first door
to hide.

I was so embarrassed.
Oh?

It was the girls' bathroom.

[CHUCKLING]

Poor Wendell.

If only he'd understand
that I wanna go out with him.

Well, it would help him gain
some confidence in himself.

Exactly.
He's so shy and awkward and--

And most people
just laugh at him.

Well, you have to admit,
he is fun to watch.

You're okay.

And you're rotten.

Mom.

Maybe you could help me.
You could talk to him.

You could call the grocery store
and order--

I already did.
You did?

Honey,
I didn't mean to butt in,

but when I saw you
were feeling so bad

I decided I'd better speak
to Wendell myself.

What happened?

Well, he stuck a bag
of groceries in my arm,

gave me another quarter tip
and ran.

Well,

the only hope left is Keith.

He sees Wendell more than I do.
So I asked him to--

[DOOR CLOSES]

Keith, did you see him?

Yeah, I saw him.

But he wouldn't talk
with me.

Not only that, but guess
who tackled his own quarterback?

Oh, no.

[♪♪♪]

Where are you going?

I'm tired of going
through channels.

I'm a liberated woman.

Wendell and I are going
to have a peaceful talk

if I have to break
his arm to do it.

[♪♪♪]

I got it,
Mr. Busby.

Mrs. Humus lives on Long Pine
Road, not Long Tree Road.

I'll get it right this time.

This time,
see if you can get there

before the eggs hatch.

If they do,
chicken costs cents a pound.

Oh, believe me,
if the chickens hatch,

I'll charge her for them.

[♪♪♪]

They won't hatch.
I'll make it.

[♪♪♪]

Wendell, we have to talk.
I gotta go.

Oh, come on.
It'll only take a minute.

I've got to talk to you.

[♪♪♪]

Now,
see what you made me do.

Boy, I'm lucky it was
the cans instead of the eggs.

Good thing I put the eggs
on the bottom.

Wendell,
you don't put eggs on the--

Oh,
never mind.

Look,
I know the football team

is having a party Saturday
night, right?

I heard someone mention it,
but I wasn't supposed to, but--

Do you have a date?
I'm working that night.

Wendell, the store closes at
and the party's at .

Will you take me?
You wouldn't wanna go.

Bunch of strong talk
about locker rooms

and dirty towels
and stuff.

Wendell, I want to go,
but only if you'll take me.

Really? With me?

No, you're just saying that
because you feel sorry for me.

Wendell,
I want to go out with you.

You really wanna
go out with me?

No kidding.
I really wanna go--

Wendell, something's leaking
from your bag.

Strange. It--
It smells like uncooked eggs.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]

Hey,
it's "Wrong Way" Wendell.

Out with Laurie Partridge?

Maybe we've
underestimated Wendell.

Have that fixed immediately.

Hi, Laurie. Wendell.
Glad you could make it.

Gee, Wendell,
you really look sharp.

Thank you.

Yes,
you certainly do look nice.

Oh, it's nothing.
Just a rag.

Thank you.

Would you like to dance?
Dance?

Oh, I-- I'm sorry.
I forgot, you can't dance.

Sure I can dance.

I happen to be
a magnificent dancer.

You seem awfully solemn.

Well, maybe Sunday morning is
a good time to reflect.

Especially when it's
after Saturday night.

Didn't your date
go well last night?

It went too well,
Mom.

For a few hours, Wendell was
bigger than King Kong.

I bet it was the biggest night
in his whole life.

Being his first date and all.

You mean he's more serious
than you.

That's the impression I got.

I think he's gonna ask me
to go steady.

I see.

How do you go
about hurting someone

you don't wanna hurt at all,
right?

What do I do?

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Oh, Wendell.

Now?
I don't know if I can.

Well, if it's something you have
to say.

I'll be right there.
Bye.

[♪♪♪]

Mom, this is it.
I can tell by his voice.

Well, I hope he didn't
ask you to elope.

Close. He asked me
to meet him at the taco stand.

[♪♪♪]

And I wanna thank you

for the greatest night
of my life, last night.

Well,
I really enjoyed myself too.

Well, the reason I got you here
is I've got to find out

if you feel the same way
about me that I feel about you.

I don't know, Wendell.
How do you feel?

Well, I admit I took your
breaking our first date wrong.

But I know you like me.

Keith and even your mother
told me so.

And then you insisted
on that I take you out.

So you must like me.

Well, I do, I--
I really like you.

And I really like you.

And that's why I had
to have this talk.

Now, I know we're both young--
Very young.

Exactly.

And that's why I don't think
we should get too serious.

Well, I don't think that--
What?

I know you may find this hard
to understand, Laurie, but--

Hi, Wendell.
Laurie.

Hi.

Hi.
You girls are here early.

Well, we didn't think we'd be
interrupting anything.

You sure do get around.

I'll be with y'all
in just a minute.

Sure.
When you get over our way,

maybe we could interest you
in a taco.

[♪♪♪]

Laurie,
you're not mad at me, are you?

No. No, but--

But the way you acted last
night, I thought that--

I know. Last night I almost
asked you to go steady,

but there is something
you should know

about the male mystique.
I-- I guess so.

I didn't know males
had mystique.

It's like this.

I've always dreamed
about taking out a nice girl.

Thank you.

But also somewhere
in the back of my mind

I've dreamed about
taking out you--

You know
what you call rotten girls?

Well,
I've taken out a nice girl,

so it seems only fair I give
the rotten girls their sh*t.

I guess I'm a despicable
human being.

Oh well,
as human beings go, yes.

As males go,
you're normal.

I really like you,
Laurie.

[♪♪♪]

That will be cents.

[♪♪♪]

Missed.
I know I missed.

The table's not level.

Well, just-- Just see
if you can do any better.

Would you look at that.

No way he's gonna make
the four ball like that.

That's not my sh*t.

I'm gonna hit the four ball
into the nine ball,

which will hit the ball
into the side pocket.

Oh, sure. Minnesota Short's
gonna pull a triple combination.

[♪♪♪]

Twelve ball
in the side pocket.

Well, but he didn't say
which side pocket.

Danny won.
games out of six.

REUBEN:
I can count.

b*at me next game,
I'm gonna break your thumbs.

Laurie.

How old is Wendell?

Sixteen or .
Why?

Well, he just delivered
some groceries.

You know, ever since you went
out with him, he's changed.

He's loaded with confidence now.
Oh?

He just asked me to go out
with him Friday night.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]