04x01 - Hate Thy Neighbor

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hello, world, hear
the song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We had a dream
we'd go travelin' together

♪ And spread a little lovin'
then we'd keep movin' on

♪ Somethin' always happens
whenever we're together

♪ We get a happy feelin'
when we're singin' a song

♪ Travelin' along there's
a song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ You don't know the pain
of being left out in the rain

♪ And wanting you

♪ You don't know the times
I spent all my precious dimes

♪ Trying to get to you

♪ You don't know the hate

♪ I've been
feeling from the hurt

♪ From the bottom
of my heart out to you

♪ I've been lying to myself
I've been trying to improve

♪ I've been crying Don't you go

♪ And dying 'cause I know

♪ I'll never ever get over you

♪ Tried so hard
but I just can't do it

♪ Never, ever get over you

♪ Maybe I'm not so sure

♪ You really want me to

♪ Baby, you're aware no
one else could really care

♪ The way I do

♪ Maybe your mistake is you've
gotta have your cake and eat it, too

♪ Maybe I'm insane trying
to figure out your scene

♪ And I've got to see
you soon to work it out

♪ I've been lying to myself
I've been trying to improve

♪ I've been crying Don't you go

♪ And dying 'cause I know

♪ I'll never ever get over you

♪ Tried so hard
but I just can't do it

♪ I'll never ever get over you

♪ Maybe I'm not so sure

♪ You really want me to ♪

Hi. Hi.

We're rehearsing.

I know. I'm watching you.

Do you live around here? Yep.

I haven't seen you here before.

I know. I've been living
here about an hour.

Maybe he's a wandering gypsy.

No. I'm Ricky.

Where do you live?

Next door.

Oh, you belong to that
moving van outside.

Yep.

Ricky, would you like to
stay and watch us rehearse?

Yep. I need to watch pros work.

Why's that?

Because I want to
be a big star someday.

Say, he's my kind of guy.

You want to be a singer?

Yep.

I'll tell you what.

Ricky can stay and
watch us rehearse,

then we'll all go over
and meet his family.

Okay. Sounds like a good idea.

Okay.

Sure it is. You would probably
want to take my sister out.

Well, I don't know.

She has a great personality
and she's good at tennis.

Well, I'm kind of
going with someone.

She has a great body.

Let's get going.

One, two, three, and...

I wonder who that could be.

It's the police.

The kid's got a
cute sense of humor.

Hi, Mrs. Partridge.

It is the police.

Sam, what brings you here?

Well, official business,
Mrs. Partridge.

Business?

Yes, ma'am. We had a
complaint about the noise.

What noise?

That noise.

I mean, I'm not calling
your music noise.

I personally think your
music's out of sight.

I think the b*at's good. The
harmony is really something terrific.

Sam, just a moment.

Who called our music "noise"?

The complainant was
Mrs. Doris Stevens.

That's my mom.

Did your mother call the police?

Yep.

But why? Doesn't she like music?

No.

Oh, she'll probably be satisfied if
we just turned the volume down.

Don't bet on it.

Why not?

'Cause she says show
people are bad news.

Well, I guess I better be going.

So, have a good day.

See you later.

Terrific.

Our new neighbor's gonna
run us out of business.

Well, I think I better go over
and have a talk with Mrs. Stevens.

Must be some way to settle this.

Is your mom the
kind who yells a lot?

No. No, she'll just

have a nice, civilized
conversation with your mother.

Too bad.

Why?

'Cause your mom
hasn't got a chance.

Coming.

Mrs. Stevens?

Yes. And you must
be the lady next door.

Yes. Shirley Partridge.

Come in! I was expecting you.

You were expecting me?

Of course. I assume you're here

over this little matter
of my calling the police.

I'm sure we can reach
an understanding.

Oh, of course.

The solution is quite simple.

You don't play your music
and I won't call the police.

I hope you don't mind if I hem
these curtains while we talk.

There's so much
to do on moving day.

Mrs. Stevens, we
have to rehearse.

Music happens to be the
way we make our living.

Oh, I know, I know.

And I wouldn't dream of
standing in the way of your

"profession," shall we call it?

I get the feeling you'd
rather call it something else.

Mrs. Partridge, there is
no need to be defensive.

I'm sure your profession serves
a multitude of good purposes.

After all, it does keep
your children off the streets.

Uh-oh. I looks like
Mom just blew a fuse.

Get...

What're you guys doing?

Watching the main event.

You can't do that!

Boy, Mom looks mad now.

Let me see.

She's smiling.

No, she's not. She's
showing her teeth.

And that's why our
music is important to us.

Don't get me wrong,
Mrs. Partridge.

I mean you have every right to become
a part of today's "bag," as they say.

But you must
understand my position.

Which is?

When you're alone, it's not
easy to raise two growing children.

What has our rehearsal
got to do with your children?

Well, let me put it this
way, Mrs. Partridge.

How would you like to raise
your children next to a h*nky-tonk?

A h*nky-tonk?

What are you doing?

Can you make out
what she's saying?

No. But I bet they're
not exchanging recipes.

You're all peeping Toms.

You're invading their privacy.

Violating their
constitutional rights.

I think Mom's reaching
the boiling point.

Oh, no.

It's part of being little.

Yeah, I know.

How do you think Mom's doing?

I can sum it up in one word,

but there are children present.

I give up.

I have been as reasonable
as any one person can be.

But, obviously, reason just
doesn't work in this house.

Well, I'm sorry you feel
that way, Mrs. Partridge,

but I have to do
what I think is right.

I'm leaving, Mrs. Stevens.

And don't bother
seeing me to the door.

I'll just let myself out.

Oh, by the way...

You've sewn the
drapes to your pants.

Hi, Mom. How'd it go?

It didn't.

It looked like you
didn't have a chance.

What do you mean, "looked"?

He didn't mean "looked,"
Mom. What he meant was...

Tell her what you meant, Danny.

Well, it just seemed to me that

any woman that would call the
police would give you a hard time.

That's all.

Okay.

Besides, you sure
got the last laugh

when she sewed
her drapes to her...

pants.

We were just worried, Mom.

I understand.

Well, what are we gonna do?

We could always
move to another town.

We're not moving. I'm sure
that woman can be reached.

I just don't know how.

Well, I'm glad you
called me, Shirley.

What can we do, Reuben?

Well, there are
several alternatives.

Great. Let's hear them.

Number one. You could go ahead
and rehearse without her permission.

That's what we'll have to do.

She'll just call
the police again.

Right.

Then you could
rent a rehearsal hall.

Expensive and inconvenient.

Then there's a way that is
sneaky and underhanded.

Sounds good so far.

Just a moment.

Mom, we have to rehearse.

Well...

Maybe a little sneaky
and underhanded?

What's your plan, Reuben?

You said she was
unattached, right?

Right.

Then she'll be an easy victim
for the old Kincaid charm.

Can't miss.

Mom, I'll go check the paper
for an available rehearsal hall.

I'll help.

I'm glad at least you have
confidence in me, Shirley.

I think I'll go help
Keith and Laurie.

Hi.

Name's Kincaid. Reuben Kincaid.

You're bruising my pittosporum.

I just thought you and I
should get acquainted.

You see, I manage
the Partridge family.

If you're here about the rehearsing
business, you might as well forget it.

Well, as a matter of fact,
that is why I came over.

But now that I've met you,

I must say, my motives
are a little more selfish,

if you know what I mean.

I have no idea.

You know, Doris...
May I call you Doris?

I've been thinking,
Mrs. Stevens.

You being new in town and all,

why don't you and I go on a
little sightseeing tour tonight?

Huh?

First, I could show you a little
restaurant that has the best food in town.

And then we could take
a drive with the top down.

And then, who knows?

How does that sound?

Huh?

Get me a towel.

And a lawyer!

Okay, Keith. Now,
what's your plan?

We can't start. Ricky
and his sister aren't here.

They have to wait till their
mother goes out shopping.

I'm sorry we're late.

Folks, meet my sister, Donna.

Hi.

Hi.

You're really Keith Partridge?

Yep. In the flesh.

I never thought I'd
ever really meet you.

At this rate, she'll
never meet the rest of us.

Donna, this is the rest of them.

Hi, Donna. I know all of you.

Laurie, Danny, Chris, and Tracy.

What do you think?
Pretty cute, huh?

Yeah. Let's get
started. Have a seat.

He's impressed. I can tell.

Keith? We're ready.

Oh, yes. My plan.

Well, being as Mom has failed,

and Reuben has really
failed at solving the problem,

I say it's up to us.

I have a suggestion.

Well, what is it?

We elect a new leader.

Very funny. The reason
I called you here today

is so we could brainstorm
an idea. Now, come on.

Well, Mom's just never been
too keen on show people,

and it all sort of
came to a head

when Ricky decided
to be a singer.

Yep.

But we're no different than you.

Just because we
sing for a living

doesn't mean that
we're bad news.

But Mom doesn't know that.

If there was only a way to get
Mom and Mrs. Stevens together

so they'd get to
know each other,

your mom would see that
we're really a normal family.

With a few exceptions.

But how?

A picnic?

Well, sure. You know, sort of a

"welcome to the neighborhood"
picnic. Just the two families.

What good would that do?

It'll give Mrs. Stevens a chance
to see that we're not bad news.

I'm not so sure.

It's worth a try, isn't it?

Let's face it. It's either a
picnic, or let Reuben try again.

Need we say more?

But you're forgetting one
thing. She doesn't like us.

And I have a sneaking suspicion

I'm not exactly crazy
about her, either.

Mom, it's a perfect
opportunity to make friends.

We can do it at the park
tomorrow, before our concert.

It really is a good idea.

I suppose someone has to
make the first gesture of friendship.

All right, it's fine with me.

I suppose I should
tell you, Mrs. Partridge,

I wasn't too crazy about the
idea of a family picnic at first.

But then I realized that someone had
to make the first gesture of friendship.

How nice of you.

Here. These are for my children.

Well, actually, I think
we have enough already.

No, no. These are
thinner than those.

I don't like my children
to absorb so much fat.

Mrs. Stevens...

I assure you I bought
very lean meat.

Oh, of course
you did. I'm sorry.

Be sure and keep the ones for my
children separated from the others.

As a matter of fact,

I was thinking of
thinning ours out a little.

Good idea, Shirley?

We prefer them thick.

Remember what I said.

Hi, everybody. How's it going?

Oh, great. We're
having a big time.

Honest? No.

They aren't getting along, huh?

Well, let me put it this way.

What you smell burning
is not the hamburgers.

Here we go.

Shirley.

Mrs. Stevens, a
nice, thick, juicy one?

Well, I suppose a little
fat won't be too bad.

Just so you don't
let it go to your head.

A little cookout humor.

Well, boy, it's a great
day for a picnic, huh?

Oh, it sure is.

Yeah, beautiful.

Yeah, great idea, a picnic.

Seeing as how we have a concert
in the pavilion tonight, anyway.

- Concert?
- Yeah, the concert.

I guess we forgot
to tell you about that.

Yeah, Mom. I guess we
forgot to tell you about it.

Well, I don't know if we'll
have time to stay for it.

I mean, we usually go to
concerts that are concerts,

you know, the good music.

Some people think
our music is good.

Oh, I didn't mean
that it wasn't good.

I just meant that we go to
concerts that are classical concerts.

You know, the important music.

Mrs. Stevens, I'd
just like to say...

Looks like a good
time for the cake, huh?

Right, the cake!

I'll get it.

Wait till you see this
cake, Mrs. Stevens.

Shirley baked it especially
for the picnic, didn't you?

You bake?

Kids, it's time to
go to the pavilion.

But, Mom, wait. The concert
isn't for a couple of hours yet.

This is one time when I
won't mind being a little early.

Here we are.

Ta-da!

♪ Maybe your mistake is
you gotta have your cake

♪ And eat it, too

♪ Maybe I'm insane trying
to figure out your scene

♪ And I've got to see
you soon to work it out

♪ I've been lying to myself

♪ I've been trying to improve

♪ I've been crying Don't you go

♪ And dying 'cause I know

♪ I'll never ever get over you

♪ I tried so hard
but I just can't do it

♪ I'll never ever get over you

♪ Maybe I'm not so sure

♪ You really want me to ♪

Good luck, brother.

I hope it works.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Tonight, we have something
rather special planned for you all.

A new discovery, an exciting new
performer from right here in San Pueblo.

Ricky, come on up here.

Hi, Ricky. Hi.

You feel like singing
a song for us?

Yep. You do, huh?

Are you nervous?

Yep.

You sure you still want to sing?

Yep.

Okay, what would
you like to sing?

How about the song we
rehearsed this morning?

That's a good idea.

Okay, you ready? Yep.

Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen,
four-year-old Ricky Stevens.

♪ Sooner or later
you realize for yourself

♪ You can do it ♪
Yeah, sooner or later

♪ You find out for yourself,

♪ There's nothing to it

♪ You can do it

♪ You can do it

♪ You've got to
do the whole thing

♪ All by yourself

♪ Before you find your future

♪ Sitting on the shelf
♪ Hey, what you are

♪ No one can ever tell

♪ No, sir! Be yourself

♪ You know the role so well

♪ And sooner or later
the clouds will drift away

♪ Now, please don't cry

♪ And maybe tomorrow
will be your happy day

♪ Make a big try

♪ You can do it

♪ You can do it

♪ You've got to keep on smiling

♪ When life does you in

♪ Instead of all that crying

♪ Put on a happy grin

♪ Just let the sunshine in

♪ That's the way to do it

♪ La, la, la, la, la

♪ La, la, la, la,
la, la ♪ La, la, la, la

♪ La, la, la, la, la

♪ La, la, la, la,
la, la ♪ La, la, la, la

♪ You can do it

♪ You can do it

♪ You can do it

♪ You can do it

♪ That's the way to do it ♪

I can't believe I ever thought
I had to protect my children

from people as nice
as your family, Shirley.

I'm glad you've gotten over your
prejudice against show people, Doris.

Well, you're not
really show people.

I guess it'll take some time.

Come in.

Hi. Hi, Mrs. Partridge.

Keith, ready to go?

Mom, we're going
to the movies now.

Okay, honey.

See you later.

Is it prejudice if I tell
them to be home early?

No. Good.

Be home early!

You know, with your
help, I can see the day

when show people
won't bother me at all.

Hi, everybody.

Well, maybe one.