22x01 - Fling in the Ring (1955)

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

[PHONE DIALING]

MAN [ON PHONE]:
Hello?

Hi, Greenie.
This is Big Mike.

Look, I want you to bet grand
on Gorilla Watson for me

on the big fight
with Chopper Kane.

Yeah, but I can't get
any odds on Chopper Kane

so spread G's
on Gorilla Watson for me

like I told you and relax.

I own Chopper Kane and he'll
lose. That's for positive.

I'm expecting the Chopper's
handlers here any second now.

Yeah. Okay, so long.

[KNOCKS "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT"
ON DOOR]

Come in.

Hiya, boss.
Nice to see you.

Say, that smells good.
You got an extra cigar?

Sure, fellas.
Have a cigar.

Gee, thanks.

[ALL GROAN]

They're too rich
for your blood. Sit down!

How you coming with
the Chopper's training?

Swell, chief. He'll m*rder
Gorilla Watson in two rounds.

Yeah, he'll
flabunger him. Ooh!

Let him alone.
Ooh!

MOE:
Watch what you're doing.

Fine. Fine, fellas.

Keep the Chopper real sharp.
I'm betting plenty.

Say, come on,
have a cigar, boys.

My fingers are sore
from the last one.

Come on. Have one.
I was only kidding.

Okay. Thanks.

Smoke up.
Oh, boy.

LARRY:
You're swell, boss.

[LAUGHING]

[STOOGES LAUGHING]

Wise guys!
[ALL GASP]

MOE:
Go!

Ooh!

Oh, caught my sneaker, eh?

[GRUNTS]

Missed me.

MOE:
Why, you...

[ALL GRUNTING]

Wait a minute.
I'll take a short count.

The winner,
and still world's champion,

Oscar the Dummy.
Ha-ha-ha!

I'm beginning
to enjoy this workout.

I even feel like
a few rounds of boxing.

That's swell. But we ain't
got no sparring partner.

No, no.
Not me, fellas.

Besides, I bruise easy.

Oh, don't be a baby.
It's all in fun.

I hate fun!

What, are you
surrounding me, fellas?

No, you gotta do it.
Think of the dough.

I'd rather think of my health.

Here.

Put this on your head.
Thanks.

We don't want the Chopper
to hurt his hands.

Oh...
MOE & LARRY: Wait.

Don't be a coward.
You'll spar a little

and exchange some love taps.

Taps?
Yeah, taps.

Oof!
Quiet!

Come on.

Wait a minute.
Where did everybody go?

Uh, this way.

MOE:
Get in there.

Come on, come on.

All right.
Don't shove me.

[SHEMP GROANS]

Moe, Larry! Help! Oh!

Wait a minute.
Give me your foot.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Come on.
Help, you moron!

[GRUNTS]

You dumb ox, you.

Oh, now I know
how a gopher feels.

Get these gloves on.

Hey, there's Kitty.

Hiya, baby.

You're just in time to see
the Chopper do his stuff.

Kitty, I want you
to meet Chopper Kane,

the next heavyweight champion.

Oh, I'm meeting
a champion right now.

Why, you say
the sweetest things.

Sugar, you're just about
to see Chopper go into action.

Oh, I just love
to see a good fight.

Well, you just
stick around here.

I'll m*rder that guy for you.

Get the victim ready
for the slaughter.

Wait a minute, Chopper.
Remember, love taps.

Get him ready!

This won't take long.

Get a load of that Chopper.

Lace that glove.

Yeah, our Chopper's
a bit of a wolf.

Yeah. If he moves around the
ring like he moved in on Kitty,

I figure we got
a new champion on our hands.

MOE: Is it fixed?
He's fixed, all right.

Right over there, baby.

What's the matter, kid?
You nervous?

Just my left hand.
Ah, take it easy.

With a dame around,
the Chop will box

like a perfect gentleman.

Now when I ring the bell,
you come out fighting.

Any blood, ignore it.

Where you going, fellas?

[BELL RINGS]

Look at that
Chopper go. Wow!

Yeah. Bet this roll on the
Chopper to win by a knockout

and hurry up before
they cut the odds down.

[CHUCKLES]

[GONG RINGS]

[GASPS]

Larry, wait a minute!

Oh, he's gone!

SHEMP:
I didn't mean it.
I didn't mean it.

My hand slipped.

Love taps. Love taps.

Attaboy, Chopper!
That's my baby!

Five-to-one on a KO!

Oh, boy!
We're gonna be rich!

Rich!
[BOTH LAUGH]

We're gonna be rich!

Hey, don't get so familiar.

Watch this one.

Watch this, watch this.

What's going on here?

There goes Shemp
with a left jab.

There goes Shemp
with a right cross.

There goes Shemp
with a haymaker!

There goes Shemp.
Ha-ha.

[WATER GURGLING]

What's the matter with you?

Easy, boy.
All right. Get him up.

Up you go. Up.

What's the matter
with you? Up.

What's the matter?
Wait, I'll get it off.

Take it easy.
I know how to do it.

Get your hands off.
Come here.

I got a system.
Let me have it.

Now, wait a minute.
Easy, easy.

Attaboy. Attaboy.

[ALL GRUNT]

Oh...

Take it easy, kid.
Take it easy.

Easy, kid.

Let me at him.
Let me at him.

Hey, boys, come here.

LARRY: Hi.
Hiya, boss.

We just made a terrific bet on
the Chopper to win the fight.

We bet every cent we got.
And every dollar too.

That's too bad, because Chopper
has to lose to the Gorilla.

BOTH:
Yeah, Chopper
has to lose. No!

Do as you're told or you'll
wind up in cement kimonos.

Oh, wait a minute.
Boss, listen.

Our whole bankroll...
Ow, ow! Ooh!

Boss, please take it easy!

I think I broke
my eye-pokin' fingers.

Good. Now you can't
poke us in the eye.

Ow! I had to open
my big mouth.

Now listen. We gotta
decondition the Chopper.

Soften him up so he'll lose.

Yeah, it's better we lose
our dough than our lives.

[BOTH GRUNT]

You imbecile, I'll...
Wait a minute.

I said we gotta
decondition the Chopper.

So come on!
Oh, oh!

Chopper's getting right
in the condition we want him.

Here, have some cream puffs.

They'll build you up.

It's my favorite fruit.
Ha-ha.

Take some more.
We got a lot of them.

But baby doll, if you eat
too much of that stuff

you won't be in shape
to knock out Gorilla Watson.

Oh, honey, the way I feel now,

I don't wanna hurt nobody.

Honey, baby,

after lunch will you read me
another poem about love?

My idea's working out swell.
Look at him.

He's so goofy you
could knock him down

with a handful of peanuts
without the shells.

Yeah, the way
he's packing it in,

the Gorilla will knock him
stiff in the first round.

He's sure making
a pig of himself.

Look who's talking.

Give me that cake!

If I only had some coffee.

It's getting late. I wonder
what's keeping the Chopper.

What does your watch say?

"Tick, tick, tick..."

Ooh!
Come on.

Listen, he ought
to be here by now.

We gotta get him
ready for the fight.

Don't worry about getting
Chopper ready for the fight.

Worry about carrying
him out afterwards.

Let me at him!
Where's that Gorilla Watson?

I'll tear him apart!
What happened?

What happened?
Me and Kitty had

had a big beef,
that's what happened.

She threw me over for that
big Gorilla. I'll m*rder him!

Now, now, now, don't be hasty.

Here, have a cream puff.

I don't want a cream puff.

Ooh, I'm mad!

Oh, wait'll I get him in
the ring. I'm gonna smash him.

I'll smash him like... Like this!

How do you like that guy?

Busted a perfectly good
cream puff.

You lamebrain. We're gonna be
rubbed out after the fight

and you're worried about
a cream puff. Why, you...

Gorilla, don't lose your temper!
You got fighting to do!

Why you little punk!

Ooh, my hand! Oh!

Oh, my gosh, it's busted!

Come in, quick.
We gotta call this fight off.

It's a show up for him!

[ALL CHUCKLE]

That did it.
That did it.

What a lucky break.

With the fight called off,
we don't lose our dough.

Hot diggity dog.
[CHUCKLES]

Would I like to get a look
at Big Mike's face

when he finds out about this.

Oh, you would, would you?

I certainly would. Why don't
you mind your own business?

How do you like
a guy bustin' in...

[COUGHING]

You figured a nice way
out for yourself

by making the Gorilla
break his hand.

But you knocked me out of
a chance to make grand.

Now listen, chief...
We can explain.

Shut up!
[ALL GROAN]

All right, boys. Come and take
them for a nice long ride.

One way.
STOOGES: Oh, no you don't!

[ALL GRUNT]

LARRY: Come on!
MIKE: Get them!

Shh. You fellas go
in the door over there.

I'll stay here.

Go on.

I think the coast is clear.

[SCREAMS]

Don't lock that!
Don't lock that!

Let me out of here!
Let me out of here!

I can't move.

Oh, the gentleman can't move.

Perfect.

[SCREAMS]

[LAUGHING]

[GROANING]

After you.

Let me out of here!
Aah!

Nice going, Moe.

I'll k*ll you!

[SCREAMS]

Smoke that for a while.

Good work, pal.
[GROWLING]

Let us away.

[STOOGES GASP]

Won't somebody
let me out of here?

[STOOGES GASPING]

[ALL YELL]

[ALL YELL]

[CLANGING CRASH]

Yahh!
[GROWLING]

Whoa.

[GASPS]

[FOOTSTEPS RACING NEARBY]

[SCREAMS]

Uh...

Tired, eh?

So am I.

Hey, Moose,
seen anything on those guys?

Well, we'll get 'em.

Wonder which way they went.

You go that way,
and I'll go this way.

What's the matter with you?

MOE:
That that!
I'll show you. And that!

Oh, oh!
Take it easy now, will you?

[MAN GRUNTS]

Oh. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Really, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it.
Honest, I...

Uh...
[GASPS]

Ouch!
[LARRY LAUGHS]

Hey, Moe,
I just got one of them.

He was standing
right here where you are.

Was he a short, fat fella?
Yeah!

Dark hair?
Yeah!

Did you hit him with that?
Yeah!

That was me!

[GROANS]

[BOTH GASP]

[ALL GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

[LAUGHING]

I just flattened
one of 'em. Aah!

What are you doing there?

Come on, get out,
get out of there.

Come on.

Moe, Larry, let me in!
Let me in!

I get lonesome out here.

Oh, so they're in there, huh?
No.

No, no. I was just
talkin' to myself.

Get something
to batter the door down.

Wait a minute.

No. No,
I got a soft skull.

Let me go, will you?

Look out there!
Let me go!

You're crushin' my eyeballs!

[ALL GRUNTING AND SHOUTING]

[GRUNTS]

MOE:
Take it easy, take it easy.

That fixed you.
Guess we got 'em, pal.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy!

[SHEMP LAUGHING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Hey, Moe, bring a bucket
of water, quick!

[ALL GROANING]

Hey, you revived
them by mistake!

Get 'em out of here!
We'll get k*lled!

Hurry, let's go. Let's go
before they come to. Come on.

Hey, he's losing weight.

Nyaah!

Come on, kid.
We gotta get out of here.

Come on.

[♪♪♪]