13x09 - Three Little Pirates

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Your Excellency,
a strange craft was shipwrecked

off Devil's Point this morning.

This piece of wreckage
was washed ashore.

Odd name
for a vessel.

Were there any survivors?

Three, Your Excellency.

They swam ashore
and we captured them.

They're outside now.

Bring them in.

You may leave.

CURLY:
Take it easy.

[ALL GRUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]

You try that
once more.

Oh!

You're afraid
to do that again.

Whoa!

By golly,
he did it.

I'm beginning
to hate that guy.

I never saw seafaring men
dressed like that.

I don't believe
they're sailors.

[GASPS]

[ALL WOLF WHISTLE]

They're sailors, all right.

Hiya, babe.

[TITTERS]

Seize them.

Now, wait.

Let us explain here.

I intended making
galley slaves of you...

Gee, thanks.

...but I've changed
my mind.

For your insolence
to my betroth, you shall die.

I'll throw you to the tigers.

Give us a chance.

Be a sport, gov.

You want a chance?

ALL:
Yeah.

Very well.

You may choose the manner
in which you will die.

Oh, that's easy.
Old age.

[ALL LAUGH]

Thanks.

You have your choice.

You may have your heads
chopped off

or you may be b*rned
at the stake.

We'll take
burning at the stake.

Very well.

We'll toast them Monday
at sundown.

What did you pick burning
at the stake for?

Because a hot steak is better
than a cold chop.

[CHUCKLES]

Away with them.
Wait a minute--

CURLY:
Hey, wait-- Wait a minute.

Wait a minute!

Hey, Moe. Hey, Moe.

They're down there
gathering firewood.

Yeah, tomorrow's the day
they're gonna toast us

like marshmallows.

If that guy don't stop
staring at me,

I'll knock
his block off.

Somebody b*at you
to it.

I bribed the guards.

I've come to help you
get away.

Boy, are we glad
to see you.

And if I do, will you
take me with you?

Will we!
Will we!

Will we?

We will.

Say, who are
these guys?

Oh, just a couple of men
who tried to help me escape.

Oh--

The governor's taking his nap.
Now is the time to go.

What do we do? Make a run for it
through the corridor?

Oh, no, no, no.
The guards would catch you

before you'd gone paces.

I want to show you
something.

Oh, no wonder the bed
was so lumpy.

I've saved these tools
for just such an occasion.

Now, carry them
into the closet.

Why the closet?

The west wall
of that closet

leads to the outside
of the palace.

ALL:
Oh, the west wall.

Eenie, meenie,

minie, mo.

See, you can't go wrong
with Moe.

[LAUGHS]

Thanks.

Oh!
Get busy here!

All right.

Oh!

Get out of my way.

Put that chisel up, kid.

Oh! Oh!

I don't know what to do.

Oh--! Oh--! Oh!

Hey! Oh!

[LOUD CLATTERING]

Ooh! Mm!

[GROWLS]

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

What's wrong with you?

Get busy.
[SIGHS]

What could we do
with this?

Oh, that's simple.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Ow!

Oh!
Get out of here!

Come on.

[LOUD CLANKING]

Wait a minute.

I'll straighten
this out.

There.

Now.

Hey, wait a minute.

I know what I'm doing.
Oh.

Ow!

Oh--! Oh--! Oh!

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Get away from here.

[LOUD METALLIC CLUNK]

MOE:
Here, plug this wire in.

Contact.

♪ Contact ♪

♪ Contact ♪
♪ Contact ♪

[MACHINE-g*n CLANGING]

Hey! Hey!

Shut it off.

I can't.
It's stuck.

Hey, Curly,
take the plug out.

Hurry up.

I can't pull it out.

Drop it.

[LOUD CRASH]

[ALL GRUNTING]

Oh!

You would pick
the wrong wall, dummy.

Ow--! Oh--! Oh!
Stop, stop!

This is no time to quarrel.
You're right.

We better try
the other wall.

We haven't time
for that either.

There must be
a way out.

There is. I don't know why
I didn't think of it before.

Wait. I'll be right back.

MOE:
What a girl. What a girl.

What a guy.

Stop it! Stop it.

What are you hitting him for?
Get out of here.

Get out of here.
I'll take care of him.

Eenie, meenie, minie--
I'll take care of him.

This is the plan:
As soon as you get out of here,

go to Black Louie's
pirate den.

Here are pieces of gold.

With it you can bribe
Black Louie

to take us all off
this accursed island.

Right.

Shh.

Hiya, babe.

[TITTERING]
Lay off, bird brain.

She'd slit your throat
for two doubloons.

We got a barber do it
for two bits.

But he ain't
as good-looking.

Get those glasses on.

Go on.
Get going.

Ooh! Oh-- Oh-- Oh-- Oh.

Shh.
[WHISPERING] Nitwit.

Halt!
Captain. Captain.

These are wayfarers
from strange lands

and they bear rare gifts
for the governor.

Wayfarers?

Wayfarers.
Ta. Maha.

Ah-ha.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

Uh-uh. That's for
the governor.

We have a present for you later:
a Mickey Finn.

Ooh! Oh-- Oh--

This way.

Oh-ho!

Your Excellency,
these men bring rare gifts.

Allow me to present
the rajah of, uh--

Canassi.

Oh!

And his interpreter,
um--

The gin of rummy.

Oh!

Can we dispense
with the formalities

and make with the gifts?

Oh, yes.
The gifts.

Sit down.

You apple head.

Come on.

Sit down.

Mm.

What priceless gifts
does the rajah bring?

Gifts?
Yes.

We shall see.

Maha?
Ah-ha.

You like to speak that?

I like to talk that.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

That, uh, how you say...?
That pickle puss,

he ask you, ask you--

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

--you got it.

Nothing.

Nothing?

Yuks.

Oh, boy.

The maha--
Ah-ha.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

Quiet.
Oh!

The rajah says that he is
a bearer of the rare jewel

known as the--

A ruby.

A ruby as large
as a turkey's egg.

The Ruby de Lollipopskia.

It's raspberry.

What fire.

I have many
pigeon blood rubies,

but never have I been given
the raspberry.

What other rarity
does the rajah have for me?

He had some bubble gum,
but I think he swallowed it.

But we shall see
what we shall see.

Maha?
Ah-ha.

Hello, doh.

Hello, doh.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

That, uh, how you call it...?
That frog head,

he ask you, ask you--

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

--gathered something else,
kiddo?

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

I gonna see that.

Ah. The tusk of a black walrus.

Oh. No leak, that?

No leak, that, ha-ha.

Guaranteed forever.

You should live
so long.

Ask the maha.

Ah-ha.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

Sit down, you flat-bush
flathead.

Oh, shut up.
I don't have to.

Hm.

Whoo! Whoo!
MOE: Oh-- Oh-- Oh!

Ah--! Ah--! Ah--!

Hold it.
Hold it.

Hold it.

Oh, oh.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

I fall down.

Are there fair damsels
in the rajah's domain?

Damsels?
Yes.

[CHUCKLING]

[LAUGHS]

[CLEARS THROAT]
We shall see.

Maha?
Ah-ha.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

Bay meadows?

That iron head,
he ask you, ask you--

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

--you got some slick chicks?

Oh, a wolf.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

I'd like to see
some babes myself.

Me too--

Mm!

Hit a guy with glasses, huh?

[SCREAMS]

All right.
Put them back on.

The, uh, maha--

Ah-ha.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

Sit down.

Oh, shut up.
I don't have to.

The rajah says
that in his domain

on the islands of Coney
and Long,

there are some fair
chickadees

who prowl through the meadows
day and night.

If you give us
till sunup,

we shall bring some back
by sundown.

Excellent. Excellent.

On your way
with winged feet.

Come on, maha.
Ah-ha.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

Where are you?

Ooh!

Pick up your winged feet
and let's get going.

Come on.

Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh.

Hiya, babe.

[TITTERS]

Go on.
No touch.

Go on.
No touch!

No touch!

Your Excellency,
Your Excellency,

why did you let
those three scoundrels go?

Scoundrels?

My dear, they are merchants who
go to bring me priceless gifts.

Merchants. Ugh!
Why, they be three castaways.

Ah, yes.
So they are.

What? Call out the guard.
Call out the guard!

We'll search the island.

You don't have to search
the island.

They've gone to the den
of Black Louie, the pirate.

To Black Louie's?
Mm-hm.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, Your Excellency,
hurry or they will escape.

They have gold
to bribe Louie.

There is no need to hurry.

Uh, take a message.

"My dear pal, Louie.

"You are going to have visitors,

"and I would suggest
that you give them

a warm reception."

[RAGTIME PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

Get those things on.

[BLOWS]

Come on.

Hey, hey, hey.

Look. A game of skill.
Shall we play?

No.
There's work to be done.

Come on.

Hiya, men.

We're looking
for Black Louie.

I'm Black Louie.

Welcome, strangers.

[BONES CRUNCH]
Ah--!

[BONES cr*ck]
Ah--! Ah--! Ah--!

Make yourselves at home.

we're having a little
target practice.

I'll wager you have sharp eyes
for throwing knives.

Why, certainly, ha!
Fine.

We'll have a little contest
of our own,

say, for pieces
of gold?

No.
I don't want to.

What's that?

I said, certainly,
I'd be glad to.

Good.
[SIGHING] Yeah.

Ooh...
Get the knives.

[MACHINE GRINDING]

[BELL DINGS]

[ALARM BLARES]

What we need is a real,
live target.

Oh, a volunteer.

He'll do.

We'll throw the knives
at him.

Oh, no. I just--

You have nothing
to worry about.

If either one of us hits you,
we lose.

Oh, that's different--
Ah--! Ah--! Ah--!

Help yourself.

Be careful
you don't hit Larry.

Where is he?
Over there.

I don't see him.
Take off the glasses.

Over there by the wall.
What wall?

Ah--! Put back
the glasses.

We'll have a dance later.
I'm too busy.

Rita.
Shh!

The governor found out
about our plot.

He sent word to Black Louie
to k*ll you.

We better call
the cops.

We better call the Marines.
Keep a stiff upper lip.

I'll think of something.
Let's not lose our heads.

Yeah, let's not.

Ah--!

Don't move.

Remember, the first one
that hits him loses.

Don't worry,
I won't take no divots.

Go ahead. You first.

[GASPS]

[SCREAMS]

Now you try.

[LAUGHS]

Ha-ha. He missed him.

He's over there.

Get back in position.

[GIBBERING]

[SCREAMS]

Ow!

[GROWLING]

[BOTH CACKLE]

Foul play, eh?

Ah--!

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

[LAUGHS]

[ALARM BLARES]

[GIBBERS]

Nice work, kid.
Nice work.

That's what I call
nice work.

What a clean sweep.

Hurry. We can take Black Louie's
sloop and flee the island

before they wake up.

Yeah, let's get going.
Not a chance, kid.

I captured this layout
and I'm taking over.

I now crown myself Emperor Moe
of Deadman's Island.

Down, slaves,
and salaam me.

[ALARM BLARES]

Ow!

Maha.
Ah-ha.

[MOE SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

[♪]