14x02 - Fright Night

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Attaboy, Chopper.
That's doing your stuff.

Bring up your right hand.

That's it. Bring it up again.
MOE: Now try the left.

Come on, Chopper.
You gotta do some training.

I'm tired.

We'll work with you.

You can start
on the dummy.

[GRUMBLES]

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

He means the other dummy.

[GRUNTS]

Oh, cop a sneaker, eh?

[GRUNTS]

[YELPS]
[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS, GRUMBLES]

Missed me.

MOE:
Why, you...

[ALL GRUNT]

Wait a minute.

I'll take
a short count.

The winner and still world's
champion, Oscar the Dummy.

Ha-ha-ha. I'm beginning
to enjoy this workout.

I even feel like
a few rounds of boxing.

That's swell, but we ain't
got no sparring partner.

No. No.
Not me, fellas.

I never had a glove on
in my life.

Besides,
I bruise easy.

Oh, don't be a baby.
It's all in fun.

I hate fun.

What are you,
surrounding me, fellas?

Oh, you gotta do it.
Think of the dough.

I'd rather
think of my health.

Here.
Yeah, we're gonna put this

on your head.
Thanks.

We don't want the Chopper
to hurt his hands.

Wait. Don't be a coward.

You'll spar a little
with the Chopper

and exchange some love taps.

Taps?
Yeah, taps.

[GRUNTS]
Quiet.

Come on.
Wait a minute.

Where did everybody go?
Ah, this way.

[YELPS]

MOE :
Get in there.

Come on. Come on.

All right.
Don't shove me.

[THUD]

Moe, Larry. Help! No!

Wait a minute.

Give me your foot.

Come on here.
Come on.

[ALL GRUNT]

You dumb ox, you.

[GROANS]

Now, I know
how a gopher feels.

Get these gloves on.

[DOOR OPENS]

Hey, there's Kitty.

Come on. This way. Come on.

LARRY:
Kitty.

Hiya, baby. You're just in time
to see the Chopper do his stuff.

Kitty, I want you
to meet Chopper Cane,

the next heavyweight champion.

Oh, I'm meeting
a champion right now.

Why, you say
the sweetest things.

Oh, sugar, you're
just about to see

little old Chopper
go into action.

Oh, I just love
to see a good fight.

Well, you just
stick around here.

I'll m*rder that guy
for you. Heh-heh.

Get the victim ready
for the slaughter.

Wait a minute, Chopper.

Remember: love taps.

Get him ready.

[CRUNCH]

This won't take long.

Get a load of that Chopper.

Lace that glove.

Yeah, our Chopper's
a bit of a wolf.

Yeah, if he moves around
the ring

like he moved in on Kitty,

I figure we got
a new champion on our hands.

MOE:
Is it fixed?

He's fixed, all right.

Wait over there, baby.

What's the matter kid?
You nervous?

Just my left hand.

Ah, take it easy.

With a dame around,

the Chopper will box
like a perfect gentleman.

Now, when I ring the bell,
you come out fighting.

Any blood, ignore it.

Where you going,
fellas?

[RINGS]

[GRUNTING]

[FIST POUNDING]

[GONG CRASHES]

SHEMP:
I didn't mean it.
I didn't mean it.

My hand slipped. Love taps.

[GROANS]

Love taps.

SHEMP:
All right.

Watch this one.
Watch-- Just watch this.

There goes Shemp
with a left jab.

There goes Shemp
with a right uppercut.

There goes Shemp
with a haymaker.

[CLANG, SPLASH]
There goes Shemp.

What's the matter
with you?

Easy, boy.

All right. Get him up.

Up you go. Up.

Come on.

What's the matter?

Wait a minute.
I'll get it off.

Let me--
I know how to do it.

Take your hands off.

Come on. I got a system.

[GRUNTS]
Let me have it.

Now, wait a minute. Easy.
Easy.

That a boy.
Easy, now.

Wait a minute.

[ALL GRUMBLE]

Take it easy, kid.
Take it easy.

Easy, kid.

Let me at him.
Let me at him.

Quiet, stupid.
He's gone.

Oh. Oh, he can't take it, eh?
A good thing for him.

I'd have ripped him
limb from limb.

Easy, kid. Easy.

Easy.
Easy, kid. Easy.

Hey, what's good
for a fractured skull?

I don't know. What's good
for a fractured skull?

I don't know either.

Is it fractured?

[SHEMP GROANING]

LARRY:
Attaboy. Attaboy.
Wait a minute.

Too bad, Shemp.

You were way out in front.

That's when I should've quit.

You should have quit
before you got started.

Hey, which one of you guys
is boss around here?

ALL:
He is.

Oh, wise guys, huh?

Well, I got a message
for you from Big Mike.

Big Mike?
We never heard of him.

You will.

Wait a minute. Are you trying
to scare somebody?

MAN: Yeah!
Well, okay.

[ALL MUTTERING]

Now, get this straight.

That palooka of yours,

he ain't winning his fight
with Gorilla Watson.

Why not?
Because Big Mike says so.

But listen--
No buts.

Just see that that palooka
of yours

gets himself knocked out.

Come on, Chuck.

Ah, they can't do this to us.

I'll call the police.
I'll call the fire department.

I'll-- I'll call the Marines.

I'll--
Shut up!

Oh, that's what I mean.
I'll shut up.

What are we gonna do now?

We got every cent we own
bet on the Chopper.

We gotta tell the Chopper
to throw the fight.

You guys tell him.

I'll be there to pick you up
and carry you out.

Maybe musclebrain
is right.

We gotta find
another way out.

Say, the Chopper
went gaga over Kitty.

I'll keep bringing her around,
he won't train,

and by fight time,
he'll be as soft as putty.

That's it, porcupine.

We'll feed him
all kinds of rich food.

He'll soften up,
and he'll be a cinch to lose.

That's a swell idea.
Am I glad I thought of it.

[ALL TALKING]

Oh, baby, it's swell having you
here with me all the time.

I know, but don't you think
you oughta start

doing some training?

Oh, think nothing of it.

The Chopper's getting
in the condition we want him.

Here, have
some cream puffs.

They'll build you up.

It's my favorite fruit.
Ha-ha.

LARRY:
Well, take some more.
We got a lot of 'em.

But, baby doll,
if you eat too much of that,

you won't be in shape
to knock out Gorilla Watson.

Oh, honey, the way I feel now,
I don't wanna hurt nobody.

Honey baby, after lunch,

will you read me
another poem about love?

My idea's working out swell.
Look at him.

He's so goofy,
you could knock him down

with a handful of peanuts
without the shells.

Yeah, the way
he's packing it in,

the Gorilla will knock him stiff
in the first round.

He's sure making a pig
of himself.

Look who's talking.

[GRUNTS]

Give me that cake.

Mmm.
If I only had some coffee.

[ALL GRUNT]

What's the matter
with you?

Let go.
You're bending the stripes.

Listen.
It's getting late.

I wonder what's keeping
the Chopper?

What does your watch say?

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

[GROANS]

Listen. He oughta
be here by now.

We gotta get him ready
for the fight.

Don't worry about getting
him ready.

Worry about
carrying him out afterwards.

CHOPPER:
Let me at him.

Where's that Gorilla Watson?
I'll tear him apart!

Chopper, what happened?
What happened?

Me and Kitty had a big beef.
That's what happened.

She threw me over
for that big gorilla.

Oh, I'll m*rder him!

Now, now, now,
don't be hasty.

Here.
Have a cream puff.

I don't want no cream puff.
Oh.

Ooh, I'm mad!

Oh, wait till I get him
in that ring.

I'm gonna smash him.

I'll smash him like--
Like this.

How do you like that guy?

Busted a perfectly good
cream puff.

You lamebrain.

We're gonna be rubbed out
after the fight,

and you're worried
about a cream puff. Why, you...

Gorilla, don't lose your temper

when you got fighting to do
in the ring.

Why, you little punk.

Oh, my hand. Oh.

Oh, my gosh,
it's busted.

Come in quick.
We gotta call this fight off.

This is your fault!

You and your cream puffs.
I oughta...

Leave him alone. That's the best
break we could get.

With the fight called off,
we got nothing to worry about.

By golly, you're right.

I'd like to see Big Mike's face
when he finds out what we did.

Well, take a look.

Why don't you stop
popping off.

I didn't open my mouth.

You guys figured
an easy way out of this jam,

but it ain't gonna work.

Big Mike has got a hundred grand
on the Gorilla.

No fight, no grand.

That is bad.

Look.
You tell Big Mike--

I'm Big Mike.
What do you wanna tell me?

Oh, hello. Isn't it
a lovely evening?

Yes, it is.

And when I stand a chance
to lose a hundred grand,

I like to do
something about it,

like taking my pals
for a ride...

a one-way ride.

Wait a minute. Hold on.

[ALL MUTTERING]

Back up
against the wall.

Please don't sh**t me,
Mr. Big Mike.

I'm too young
and good-looking to die.

Well, too young.

I got a father.
I got a mother.

I got a grandmother.

I got a little sister.

[SOBS]
I got a little brother
this high,

and a little brother this high,
and a little brother this high,

and a little brother this high,

and then, I got
a great big brother this high.

[STOOGES YELP]

[ALL GRUNTING]

[SHRIEKS]

[YELPS]

[SHRIEKS]

[YELPS]

[CLANG]

[WHINES]
[GROANS]

[FOOTSTEPS]

[YELPS]

[FOOTSTEPS]

[SHRIEKS]
[GRUNTS]

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

Oh.

[GRUNTS]

[FOOTSTEPS]

Tired, eh?

Well, so am I.

Hey, Moose.
Seen anything of those guys?

Well, we'll get 'em.

Wonder which way they went?

You go that way,
and I'll go this way.

Well, what's the matter
with you?

[SNORTS]

BIG MIKE:
Take that! I'll show you.
And that!

Take it easy now, will you?

[MAN YELPS]

Oh, I'm sorry, boss.
Really, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it.
Honest, I--

[GROANS]

[YELPS]

[GRUNTS]

[LARRY CHUCKLES]

Hey, Moe,
I just got one of 'em.

He was standing right here
where you are.

Was he a short, fat fella?
Yeah.

Dark hair?
Yeah.

Did you hit him with that?
Yeah.

That was me.

[GROANS, SNORES]

[FABRIC RIPS]

[BOTH YELP]

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

[MEN YELPING]

[GROANS]

[CHUCKLES]

I just flattened one of 'em.

[SHRIEKS]

What are you doing
in there?

Come on. Get out.
Get out of there.

Moe, Larry, let me in.
Open the door.

I know you're in there.
Open up. Come on. Open it up.

Oh, so they're
in there, huh?

No.
Then who were you yelling at?

I was just talking to myself.

Nobody else will talk to me
except my kid brother,

and he's only that high,
and the other one is that high.

Why, I met
your family before.

Get something
to batter the door down.

Wait a minute.

No. No.
I got a sharp skull, fella.

Let me go, will you?
Look out there. Let me go.

[GRUNTING]

You're crushing my eyebrows.

[MOE AND LARRY CLAMORING]

Oh, boy.

Thattaboy, champ.

Nice work, champ.

I batted a thousand percent
in the racket league.

I never thought
I was a southpaw.

[CHUCKLES]
Why, you...

What's going on here?

Oh, for the love of Pete.

If it isn't Big Mike
and a couple of his boys.

Who did it?

I did it
with my little hatchet.

Oh, it was nothing.

OFFICER:
Nothing? Nothing but
a $ reward. Good work.

Blood. I'm dying.

Everything is getting dark.
Moe. Larry.

[WHEEZES]

What's the matter, kid?

They got me.

Take it easy, kid.
Take it easy.

Say a few syllables.
We'd better get a doctor.

Wait a minute. I studied
medicine for three years.

Good. See what's wrong
with him, doc.

[GASPS]
Is he hurt?

He's gone.

The poor kid.
And I owe him bucks.

Wait a minute. I heard that.
Give me the .

Lay down. You wanna make
a fool out of the doctor?

[ALL TALKING]

What's the matter with you?
Cut it out.

Come on, will you?

[♪]