will increase your sales.
Kids will be begging their parents
to go to your hardware stores
to pick up their
bonus collector cards.
It's mine!
It's mine!
Sebastian, stop!
It's mine!
No, it's mine!
They're fighting over my cards.
So who's gonna help me on the bar?
I can help.
You're aware you've served alcohol
to a minor?
Oh, guys, I am so sorry.
She looks older.
I saw Will paying the girl off
out the back.
Why would he do that?
So when are you and the old man
gonna get back together?
That felt real.
Damo! You came.
Oh, Wendy, of course!
What's he doing here?
Oi! Hey, pal...
No, Lewis. Hey!
Hands off!
She's still my wife.
We're not divorced yet.
Every time I come even close
to forgetting how badly
he's betrayed me,
something happens to remind me.
I can't get past this.
I know what you're doing, Damo.
I'll see you round, Lewis.
Yeah, sure, Damo.
I'm not going anywhere.
LEWIS: Gemma?
Gemma, you round?
Gemma! Gemma!
Oh!
Oh!
What are you doing?
Well, what are you doing?
I'm meditating.
Well, I was.
Since when do you meditate?
It's a new thing. (SIGHS)
What do you want?
The Licensing Commission is
threatening to take away our license.
We could lose the pub.
And I was hoping you might
write a statement
about how much money we raised
for the new kidney machine
at the hospital.
Yeah, sure!
Hey, er, this mat's gonna be much
better for the outdoor stuff.
Hey, Lewis.
Damo.
Damo's teaching me yoga
and meditation.
(SIGHS) It's great.
Uh-huh.
Hey, you know what?
You should join us.
I mean, it really is fantastic.
In fact, I could show Lewis
the 'extended puppy' -
that's great for anxiety.
I don't have anxiety.
Some time today?
Sure.
Nice pants, Aladdin.
Meet you outside, Tilly.
Oh! Aladdin.
He's got a good sense of humour,
hasn't he?
Yeah.
SONG: ♪ Done, done, done
Done, Done
♪ We are done... ♪
I can give you a pilot,
but I can't give you a postman.
I don't want a pilot...
So when's the hearing?
Tomorrow.
Ugh. It's all my fault, isn't it?
No! There have been a whole bunch
of problems.
Well, is there anything
I can do to help?
Well, it might be good if you appear
as a witness at the hearing.
Talk about how you served
that underage girl,
how it was a simple mistake.
Yeah, sure, happy to.
Pump that plunger for me.
Should you get a plumber?
The landlord's been saying
he'll send one for a week.
Joys of renting, hey?
STELLA: Look at it!
FINN: Who cares?
They're stupid cards anyway.
I want my astronaut!
I haven't got your astronaut!
KANE: Oi!
What's the problem here?
Someone stole my astronaut. It's
the hardest Schnapps card to get!
It wasn't me!
I bet it was Tilda.
She looked in my bag.
OK, OK.
I'll get you more Schnapps cards.
Astronaut?
Whatever!
If you promise to stop fighting,
I'll make you chocolate chip
pancakes for breakfast.
BOTH: OK.
Make your beds first. Go.
You too, Finn.
Pancakes for breakfast.
Is bribing kids bad parenting?
Not before :am.
I love you.
Too soon?
No.
I love you too.
(CHUCKLES QUIETLY)
You took my astronaut!
Did not! You took my
racing car driver!
Did not!
Liar!
STELLA!
We need some
new astronaut cards, ASAP.
I can't just conjure up
some astronauts!
Why not?
Those cards are scarce for a reason.
Withholding one or two cards
from the market
ramps up the intensity of
the card-collecting experience.
You can say that again -
the kids are gonna k*ll each other!
Somebody needs to burn
those bloody cards.
Hey, those cards are my business.
Give me a hug.
Sheesh! Come on, darling.
Hey, guys, look, I'm so sorry.
I heard you could lose
your pub license.
Yeah, we were talking last night
about how weird it is.
Weird? How?
Just that we've lost all
the points so quickly.
Yeah, it's as if
someone's setting us up.
Who would do that?
He might.
Uh, I'm sorry,
what are you talking about?
We know you paid that girl
to buy alcohol from our pub.
What was her name - Michelle?
The underage girl.
I have no idea.
Lewis!
You were seen.
I saw you behind the pub giving her
something from your wallet.
Yeah. She'd just been
busted by the cops.
She was freaked out. I gave her some
cab money to get home.
Right. That makes sense.
Right?
Alright. Well, I'll leave you to it.
I'll see you later, yeah?
What is wrong with you?!
I'm concerned about our pub, Kane.
He agreed to testify on our behalf
at the hearing.
He won't be doing that now, will he?
No! Would you?!
Well, I think it's a great idea.
Two days of yoga and meditation? If
I wasn't working, I'd come with you.
Hm. Damo asked me.
So if I go, it'll be with him.
As friends.
Uh-huh.
And how does Lewis feel about you
going away with Damo?
It's a yoga retreat,
it's not a dance party.
There are separate
sleeping arrangements.
Yeah. Lewis will still hate it.
Oh. Lewis will hate it.
(LAUGHS)
But does that matter?
Well, the thing is since I've been
doing the meditation,
I am so much more calm!
I haven't been thinking about him
and us and this whole mess.
(CHUCKLES)
I think you should go.
Hmm?
Yeah.
Oh, I don't know, Abi.
Please, just lay down.
Just lay down for me.
No!
What's your name? Tell me your name!
Hey! Shh! OK, relax. Relax.
I don't know what she's taken,
but she's strong as.
We'll take some bloods
when she calms down.
Hey, look at me. Look at me.
What have you taken?
It's OK.
Listen, you're not
getting out of here
until you tell us what your name is
and what you've taken, OK?
We're very patient people.
Get a psych nurse.
(SOBS AND SCREAMS)
Shh, shh, shh.
Yoga's looking good.
Hi!
Hey!
Bringing me lunch at work.
Is this a special occasion?
No, I just wanted to see you.
Thank you!
I was worried Lewis might've...
You can tell your friends I'll
still get up and be your witness.
No, I was worried Lewis might've
put you off me.
Actually, I was thinking maybe you
and I should buy a place together.
I mean, let's face it, renting
sucks - I hate it, you hate it.
We've both conquered the L word.
Wow.
It's something to think about anyway.
I mean, I could do half a mortgage
if you can.
Gemma!
I wrote you a statement.
Thanks.
And I'm going away
on a yoga retreat.
So I was hoping Tilda could sleep
over here a couple of nights.
I've packed her a bag.
Is that OK?
Yeah, sure.
Where's this retreat?
Oh, it's a bunch of people doing
some yoga and some meditation
at the Bridgeworth ashram.
It's meant to be all soothing
and cleansing or something.
Who's going?
Damo and I.
Right. Well... have fun.
OK. Thanks.
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
In.
And out.
Think of the Sahastrara chakra, the
thousand-petal lotus of your brain.
In.
(DOOR CLUNKS)
And out.
We are so late!
(WHISPERS) Sorry! We got lost.
(CLUNK!)
(VELCRO SCRATCHES LOUDLY)
(WHISPERS) Sorry!
Is that the underage drinker
that Will served?
Mm.
Justin's right,
they know each other.
(SCOFFS) What, cos they're smiling?
Paranoid much?
Did you speak to those locals
about the noise complaints?
Nah, not yet.
What are you looking at?
Look, if we can prove
to the Commission
she looks older than she is, then...
Don't bullshit me.
You're sussing out Will again.
We're trying to save this place.
No, you're telling me you don't
trust the guy that I'm in love with.
Nah, mate, we're not saying that.
I am.
Which means you don't trust me.
(SCOFFS) You are so eaten up with
your own guilt over Gemma,
you hate the idea that someone else
might be happy.
You are so desperate not
to be alone, you're blind.
Hey!
We should never have gone into
business in the first place.
I'm out. I wanna sell.
(SCHOOL BELL CHIMES)
Lewis doesn't speak
for the rest of us.
If you trust Will, so do I.
Thanks, but you're a bit late.
Hey, Kane, listen...
I've been thinking.
The pub's gonna be worth a lot more
with a license than without,
so we should all rally together
to win this hearing.
Yeah, we should. Great.
Then I'll sell my share.
Had a look for that Schnapps card
you reckon Tilly stole.
Stella, not me.
Whatever.
Couldn't find it.
Hi, Daddy.
Hello, chook. Go and get Lily.
We're gonna walk home together.
I've got some big news.
Will and I are buying a house.
Congratulations.
I wish I'd never told you what I saw.
Dad!
Hello, mouse. How are you?
Since the Sergeant Schnapps
collector's cards have been launched
at Traders Hardware stores,
sales have increased % to %
week upon week.
At the same time,
ratings figures for the Sergeant
Schnapps television series
have risen %.
In conclusion, we have a strong,
multi-modal promotional platform
built around
the Sergeant Schnapps brand.
Australia is in love
with Sergeant Schnapps.
Top class presentation, Mark.
Thanks, bro.
Couldn't have put it better myself.
Everyone wins.
(ALL APPLAUD)
(CHUCKLES TRIUMPHANTLY)
But everyone doesn't win.
I don't win.
They're making all the cash and we're
barely covering our mortgage.
Sergeant Schnapps has been
commissioned for two more series,
you'll get a cut of his fee.
% of bugger all. And it's hardly
looking like the pub's a winner.
Look, the fee will be enough
to get us back on track.
Wait, wait, wait. Where are you
going? You only just got home!
Double shift.
See?! How is this fair?!
I am kicking major goals
and they're making all the cash.
(SIGHS) How did I get us
into this position?
Because you're not a greedy guts.
That's why I love you.
I love you.
(FOOTSTEPS DEPART)
(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS)
Panchakarma is
a whole-body experience.
It is based on discipline,
fasting and cleansing.
(WHISPERS) Fasting?
No talking.
Eyes closed.
You will emerge purified
and refreshed.
Now, I want you to reach out
and find the person next to you.
Stand back to back,
then bend from the waist,
reach across and place your hands
on your partner's shoulders.
(DAMO GRUNTS)
(BOTH GIGGLE)
It's not gonna happen, is it?
Am I right in saying
we don't eat for two days?
Quiet!
Sorry!
Hold that pose.
Breathe.
Sorry, Gemma.
(BOTH GIGGLE)
NED: Is that the teenage drinker?
Jeez, she doesn't
look underage, does she?
Still, you'd ask for ID,
wouldn't you?
Yeah, well, what's her name?
Maybe we can track her down.
It's Michelle something.
There's no surname in any of these
documents from the Commission.
What, so if you guys lose your
license, what happens then?
I don't know what I'll do.
I love this place.
You can always go back
to the building caper.
Nah, I'm not going back there.
It's a young bloke's game.
Alright, well, what did you do
before you owned this pub?
I was a stay-at-home dad.
I was giving Gemma her turn.
But clearly, I can't
go back there either.
Hey!
Hey.
Support from the locals.
They love us.
Nice.
Yeah, apart from the ones making
all the noise complaints. (LAUGHS)
Did you get some more of those
dog cards for the kids?
I can't just snap my fingers
and get more for you.
Why not? Don't you own them?
I sold the copyright
to Traders Hardware.
For how much?
Not enough.
What kind of negotiator are you?
Poppy, let's go.
Hey, Lewis, give us a hand, will ya?
You're pushing everybody away.
Don't you start!
Mate, you're just
pissed off Gemma's gone. Admit it.
How about you do something about it
instead of making
the rest of us suffer?
Make sure Mr Driscoll
gets his anticoagulant.
mg should be enough to
keep him in the target INR.
(SIGHS)
Um...
(SCREAMS)
RYAN: Stop! Security!
(SCREAMS)
Ugh!
Get off me! NO!
Argh!
GET OFF ME!
Get off! Don't!
(SCREAMS)
Any nausea?
No.
Blurred vision?
No.
Confusion? Memory loss?
Flashing lights?
Where did you get that?
The Internet.
It's the concussion checklist.
I can diagnose concussion.
(SIGHS)
Not if you're distant and confused.
Are you distant and confused?
I've just got a headache.
Can you get me some aspirin?
You wouldn't be here if you weren't
working so hard.
My reaction time was a little off.
If I knew how to run
a business better,
you wouldn't be lying here.
I'm here because
I work in emergency.
Simple as that.
Argh!
Ooh!
(SIGHS)
Do you think it's broken?
(NASALLY) No, it's just bent.
You should probably stop talking.
You sound like a cartoon.
Phoebe...
Mm?
Why don't I make
you something to eat?
What's good for bent noses?
You are.
(GIGGLES)
The only thing I could think of
when I was laying
in the pool of my own blood...
..was you.
Aww.
You make it sound
like you were dying.
(SCOFFS)
Phoebe...
..will you barry be?
(LAUGHS) Barry you?
(PEACEFUL CHANTING)
(ALL CHANT)
(CHANTS WITH GROUP)
Hey, Lewis. Great you could join us.
Oh, thanks, mate.
I'm loving it so far.
Good!
You done much yoga in the past?
Aww, not much, but I'm hoping we get
to do the extended puppy.
Sounds like great fun.
Oh, the extended puppy.
Panchakarma, that's, er,
that's very challenging stuff.
I love a challenge.
So the women's tents are pitched
on the east side of the grounds
and the men's are on the west.
See you in the morning.
Namaste.
Righto.
What are you doing?
I'm taking up Damo's offer
to learn yoga!
This is supposed to be calm
and tranquil -
I can already feel
my stress levels rising.
Don't worry. You won't hear
a peep out of me.
And what's happened with Tilda?
Tilda, she's bunking in
with Justin's boys.
You know, they're probably snuggling
up for a quiet bedtime story
as we speak.
(GIGGLING)
Alright, come on, kids.
Back outside. Finish your nuggets.
Come on.
We'll go home in a second, OK?
Hey, I can lock up here
if you wanna take the kids home.
Yeah, OK. Sweet.
Mark said he'll be back a bit later.
Yeah, no worries.
Hey, um, if Kane
bails out of the pub...
..I might be able
to cover his share.
Yeah. Let's just see what happens
in the Commission hearing first.
Yeah, sure.
Cos you know... it'd be a shame to
see the old man lose his dream.
Yeah.
Yeah, it would.
Alright, kids! Moving out!
(TAPS KEYS)
So apart from the fact
that we're too young
and that we don't own our own place
and that your dad has shaken
your belief in marriage...
And I wanna wait for marriage
equality to happen.
And that you're not sure
that you wanna be with just one
person for the rest of your life,
why won't you marry me?
Too much paperwork.
Covered! I registered us.
I had this whole proposal planned out
and then Justin and Lucy,
they gazumped us.
And then when things
didn't work out with them,
it kinda felt like bad form
to go ahead.
How did you register us?
You need my consent.
I forged your signature.
A criminal act?
That's sexy.
But not enough to make me
change my mind.
I can take , nos
but all I need is one yes.
(SIGHS)
Oh! No, no, no. Leave that.
I'll get that.
Oh, for heaven's sake,
I'm not a cr*pple.
Poppy June Oliver, you said you
were gonna go and clean your room.
Off you go. Thank you. Go on!
This is an atypical response
to head trauma.
What?!
It's secondary post-traumatic mania.
And it is not helped
by the blood-thinning properties
of the aspirin.
Please don't tell me
you got all this off the...
Off the Internet? Yeah, well,
it's a very handy diagnostic tool.
And it's a total pain in the arse
for doctors, Mark. I'm fine.
Just tell me where Poppy keeps
all these Schnapps cards.
She keeps them in a shoebox
under her bed.
Should probably build her a kennel.
Oh, yeah. With all
the spare time you have.
I should build her a kennel.
Didn't you just say that?
Yes. Yes, I did.
(CRICKETS CHIRP)
(DAMO SIGHS) Okey dokey.
Well, umami broth, :am,
after morning meditation.
Can't wait.
Night-night, Lewis.
Tent buddy.
(ZIPS SLEEPING BAG)
Yeah. Goodnight.
(CHUCKLES)
(ZIP!)
(ROCK MUSIC BLASTS FROM HEADPHONES)
Gemma! Are you awake?
Who's that?
Hungry?
And I see her packing up, right?
And she's got this packet of chips
sticking out of her bag,
but it wasn't until I see her
smuggle the little esky in
that I knew she was a fraud.
Thank goodness.
I couldn't have gone
two days without food.
Or a beer.
Hello.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Mm. Wonder what else
she's got hidden in that hall?
Let's go have a look.
Do you want to?
Hey, this reminds me of that school
camp in Year , do you remember?
Yeah, but then we weren't paying
to starve ourselves to death.
(CHUCKLES)
Shh!
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
(ZIP!)
Men and women are supposed
to sleep separately!
I didn't make the rules!
We were NOT sleeping together!
We were eating chips!
You know what?
This is the first time in six weeks
that I spent the afternoon NOT
thinking about you and me
and this crap between us.
I had fun.
Can you at least give me that?
(WOMAN CLEARS THROAT)
Namaste.
Pack your bags.
And you owe me a six pack.
Michelle!
Yeah?
Hey, I'm Ned.
I called the ice-cream parlour
earlier.
Oh.
Yeah, I, um, noticed the logo
on your T-shirt.
Am I in trouble?
I just wanna talk to you
for a minute.
Is that OK?
(QUIETLY) Yeah.
(READS) "I climb inside the tree.
"It's dark, but the twisted roots
make windows.
"This is a good place to hide."
It's a cassowary.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Ned!
I brought a friend.
You met her once.
At the pub.
Michelle!
Hey, Will.
You know Michelle.
(SCOFFS)
She's Lily's babysitter.
You did pay her.
Yes.
And you called the licensing sergeant
so she'd get busted.
Yes.
You set us up!
It... it started out
as a business plan.
You wanted us to lose our license
so you could buy The Mill?
It's a good business, I knew that
if I could get the pub cheap,
then my boss would be impressed.
And you made the
noise complaints too?
I spoke to some locals about
how noisy the pub was.
Yeah, I'm sure you gave them
plenty of encouragement.
What about the stolen beer?
I told you about that
and you tipped off the cops!
Wow.
All those things - the 'let's buy a
house together', the 'I love yous'?
It was one big lie.
No! No! Listen to me!
Listen.
It started out
as a business decision,
but then you and I happened.
I was gonna pull the plug, but then
I saw how your mates treat you.
You work harder than any of them.
You deserve a place of your own.
They're holding you back.
You thought you could
get me AND the pub?
You and me... we're real, I swear.
You are gonna front up
to that hearing...
..and admit that you set us up.
Whatever you want.
I want you to leave.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, dear.
If you're hungry, I can make
you some cheese on toast.
Oh, I'd love that.
I am so sorry that Lewis
got us chucked out.
Oh, best laugh I've had in ages.
(SIGHS) It was VERY funny.
(LAUGHS)
Look, Damo, this whole thing
between us...
Gemma, don't think about it too much.
Well, I have to.
I'm a single mum now.
I can't afford to act on a whim.
And so much has changed for Tilda in
such a quick period of time, I...
(SIGHS)
I get it. I get it.
Really.
It's OK.
Now, is that cheese on toast
still on offer
or has a bloke gotta starve to death?
Yes.
I knew I heard noise!
What happened to your face?
Oh, I got assaulted a work.
By a girl.
Are you alright?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Sounds nasty.
Damo, what are you doing here?
Actually, I'm not OK.
I'm having flashbacks.
Yeah, I-I-I can see her face,
it's right there.
Her terrible, angry face!
Oh, no, come on, sit down.
Come on, sit down.
Take deep breaths.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
I probably need a fully qualified
nurse to monitor me or something.
This is weird!
You know, I should probably scoot.
I'll give you a call tomorrow.
OK. Thank you... for all the laughs.
(CHUCKLES)
Do you want some paracetamol?
Oh, yeah. Yes, please.
Thanks, Mrs Crabb.
(SIGHS)
Flashbacks?
Yeah.
They're terrible.
You were just saying that to get rid
of Damo, weren't you?
That's what you wanted, wasn't it?
Yes.
(CHUCKLES)
I will barry you.
Really?
(CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS)
On one condition.
How'd it go?
Great.
I'm a yoga expert.
Wow, that was quick.
Yeah, well, I'm a fast learner.
Did you see Gemma?
Yep. Oi! Get your own chips!
Oh!
Why do you always get takeaway?
There's plenty of leftovers.
Was Tilda playing
with these dog cards in here?
Yeah.
She did steal it.
OK, it is a shoebox-sized kennel,
with separate compartments
for the cards.
With different pictures of Schnapps
on either side
so each kennel's
its own collector's item.
Yeah, and the way that the cards
were free - these, these we sell.
I love it.
Hopefully, they do too.
Hey, why don't we go and build some
Schnapps kennels... on the computer?
Actually, I was gonna ask
for a few days off.
Starting when?
Now.
You can do this on your own!
You're the dude.
See ya, Poppy.
When did Lily and Will leave?
Uh, a bit late, chook.
You were asleep.
Why'd they leave?
Uh, Lily's dad remembered
he needed to fix something.
Will they be back tonight?
I don't think so.
I'll tell you about it later.
(SIGHS) Racing-car driver.
Lewis, I found this. It's Tilda's.
It was blocking my kitchen sink.
Apparently, Stella felt guilty
and tried to flush it.
Is there anything
you wanna say to Kane?
So we're on for the hearing at
Yeah, we're good.
Kane, you coming?
Gentlemen.
Miss Looby.
Mr Albert, this belongs
to Lily Stevens.
Your friend's daughter.
She was very fond of it.
Well, you should
give it to Will yourself.
Well, I would, but he withdrew Lily
from the school this morning.
You forgot something.
Oh.
Lily's.
Thanks.
Where you heading?
Sydney.
I've got an office up there.
So when you said you'd front up
to the Commission,
that was another lie.
Look, if I confess to everything,
then... it could ruin my career.
You wanted to ruin mine.
No, I wanted to start it.
If you don't tell the Commission
what you did,
we'll lose our license.
I'm sorry.
I'd burn the place down
before I ever sold it to you.
I know.
(MELANCHOLY GUITAR MUSIC)
♪ One Sunday morning rain
(ENGINE TURNS OVER)
♪ I found it rather strange
♪ To hide in lies I couldn't sell
♪ I wanna be well
♪ I wanna be well... ♪
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Hey.
Looks like Tilda stole this
from Stella after all.
So we're square.
Thanks, Lewis.
Hey, Kane, um, we know you
don't wanna go to the hearing...
Why wouldn't I come?
Don't you wanna sell your share?
Not anymore.
You back on board?
I've got written statements
from all the residents
saying that we're good for the area.
And there's no noise complaints.
Plus a signed affidavit
from Will's babysitter
confessing that he bribed her.
Great!
Let's win this.
Actually, guys, I'm gonna have
to meet you at the Commission.
I've got a business
meeting to go to.
What?!
THIS is a business meeting.
I'll meet you at the hearing,
it's not gonna take long.
You're the licensee!
I am also the managing director
of a company
and I need to kick
a major goal today,
so that Abi doesn't have to keep
working her... bottom off.
(TRAM CLANKS)
You alright? You seem a bit twitchy.
I'm fine. I'm on.
Good.
I've asked the merchandising guys
to join us.
Great.
That shows how influential you are,
when I say, "Mark's
coming in to pitch,"
and they're all hanging out
to hear why.
You wanna give me
the sneaky heads-up?
Oh, sure.
But I'd like you to sign this first.
It's a memorandum of understanding.
Laying out the profit share.
/ - can't be fairer than that.
You want me to agree to a profit
share before I even hear the idea?
The Schnapps Kennel
acts like an album.
As you collect your cards,
you decorate your kennel.
Only $. at Traders Hardware -
every kid will want one.
That's great, Mark,
the perfect next step.
Thanks.
I'll have legal draw up an official
contract in the next few days.
And how long till
we can roll them out?
Well, I should be able to get
a prototype up by next week.
Fantastic!
Let's have a drink, seal the deal.
No, actually, I've... I've got...
Just one drink.
The board's gonna be here any second
and you have to meet the chairman.
(VOICES APPROACH)
Ah, speak of the devil.
Matthew Graham, this is Mark Oliver,
the man behind the Schnapps cards.
Matthew is the chairman
of our board.
Good to meet you.
You too.
Mark's the guy I suggested as our
next head of marketing Asia-Pacific.
Remember?
Of course I do.
Me, head of...
You two should talk.
Cheers.
(GLASSES CLINK)
Cin-cin.
Well, we can't go in without him.
He's the bloody licensee!
He said he was coming.
(READS) "Dear Mrs Crabb,
"by the time you read this,
we'll be a long way away.
"And depending on how long it takes
between the time we've written this
"and the time you get home..."
Cut that.
Too wordy?
Mm-hm.
"Why have we eloped? Good question.
"Is it about
the financial burden? No.
"But that's also a good question.
"The truth is we don't
wanna seem insensitive,
"but with you and Mr Crabb
fighting all the time,
"this is no place
for wedding bells to ring."
No, cut that bit.
Too insensitive?
Too weird.
"We've decided on a modest service
at a registry office.
"Please don't be cross,
"it's just that we're very excited
and passionate young people
"who act without thinking
and live for the moment,
"except for taking the time
to write this note.
"Thank you for reading.
Warm regards, Phoebe and Ryan.
"PS, hope you don't mind,
we borrowed your car."
It'll do.
Come on, baby,
we're going on an adventure.
I am very interested in the position
and actually, I'm quite flattered.
It's... but, really,
I... I have to go now!
You said that two drinks ago.
(LAUGHS) That was five drinks ago,
actually!
(LAUGHS)
That's right.
Mm. That is the best whisky
I think I've ever tasted.
There's plenty more
where that came from.
Afternoon, gentlemen.
WOMAN: Excuse me,
you can't come in here!
Do I know you?
This is Justin...
Sorry, no time for introductions.
Oh, boys!
It was very nice to meet you.
Stay in touch. They're just mates.
(LAUGHS)
You gonna be right
to read your own statement?
I'm fine, I'm fine.
Just let us do the talking, OK?
Ooh!
Oh, you reek of booze.
They loved my idea.
They've already called you.
WOMAN ON P.A.: Mr Mark Oliver,
room . Mr Mark Oliver...
That's us. You guys ready?
I've gotta... I've
gotta go to the toilet.
You can't!
I'll be just two... Just... (SIGHS)
You take this, I'll get him.
This is the final call
for Mr Mark Oliver.
Room . Mr Mark Oliver.
And having said that, Your Honour,
we are mindful of the need
to coexist with our neighbours,
and as you can see
from our documentation,
we have an enormous amount
of community support.
Well, you lost all your points
in a very short space of time.
The licensee's statement
will make it clear
that we weren't actually
responsible for that.
And, Your Honour, we won the
Metropolitan Small Business award
for best local pub.
Almost won. We came second.
Alright, so which one of you
is the licensee?
He...
He's just freshening up.
Sir.
This hearing has been convened
specifically to deal
with the licensee.
Oh, he's coming,
I'll just go get him.
(LOCK CLICKS)
How is he? Mark! You OK?
(MARK VOMITS)
Look, just stall them,
I'll have him out in a minute, OK?
(VOMITS)
Maybe a minute and a half.
Go, go, go.
Mark? Mark?
(SIGHS)
Mark, I want you to listen to me
very carefully -
repeat after me, got it?
You say, "I am well," OK?
"I am well."
(GROANS)
(WEAKLY) I'm well.
Whoa.
(KNOCKS AT DOOR)
Ah!
Hey, Gemma.
Hi!
Ah, actually, I was hoping
to surprise you.
Well, you certainly did that.
No, I don't mean... uh...
No, I mean with him.
Oh! Thank you!
Yes, they say there are three things
that cannot be long hidden.
The sun, the moon... and the truth.
I reckon you need a friend right now
and... I'm more than happy
to be that friend.
And I would never, ever wanna push
you into anything.
But if you ever wanted
to be more than friends...
..you know I'd wait.
What is it?
It's Phoebe and Ryan.
They've run away to get married.
MAN: I agree. I think it's
completely disrespectful.
He's coming, Your Honour.
He's just got a bit of
a stomach bug. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Mm.
Alright, that's it. No more, alright?
This is absurd.
Now, under the terms of this hearing,
failure to appear means
I have no choice but to...
(DOOR CLUNKS)
Sorry I'm late, sir.
Thank you very much
for your patience.
I'm the licensee.
Mark Oliver.
Good.