01x01 - Happily Ever After

[bunniefuu]

[SQUISH]

[CAR DRIVES BY]

[NARRATOR] If you'd seen us

that day, you'd have hated us.

This perfect happy couple.

Charming husband,

loving wife.

Everyone fulfilling their roles.

Like I'd been doing since I was a girl.

[ARGUING VOICES]

[CROCKERY SMASHES]

I kept quiet.

I did what I was told.

I was whoever people needed me to be.

Never myself, of course,

I'm not that stupid.

But then I met Will.

Who saw through all that bullshit.

And when it was safe

to, I stopped pretending.

Pew, pew, pew, pew.

Finally, I could just be me.

That was my mistake.

Forgetting what my mother taught

me, and her mother before that,

and her mother before that.

A Greek chorus of all

women telling me

It's never safe.

[OPENING THEME SONG PLAYS]

What do you think?

I think any minute now someone's

going to tap on my shoulder

and say, "There's been a

mistake, this is not your life,

- shut the door on your way out."

- You're an idiot.

Still

You've as much right to

be here as anyone else.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS]

There he is.

- Sol.

- Hello.

Ben. I didn't know you were here.

You guys came back into town, thank you.

Hi!

What's that for?

I'm proud of you, numbnut.

Oh, I was about to say the same.

Oh, you're proud of yourself?

[LAUGHING] Bugger off.

- Let's get a drink.

- Yes, please.

Here we go.

Thank you. Cheers.

Mm, Elliot Sizemore.

As in

As in, pretty much every sculpture

we saw the other day at the Whitney.

And completing the

power couple is Bonnie.

She's the hotel's PR Head.

She served on the old regime.

[WHISPERS] She likes a drink.

Bonnie

You scrub up okay.

Oh, is that British for a compliment?

Elly, this is Will,

our new Events Manger.

Pleased to meet you.

This is my wife, Olivia.

Oh, eh, call me Liv, If you like.

Yes, well, it's your name, sweetheart.

Good to meet you, Liv. I

hope you're settling in okay?

Oh, thank you. Yes we are.

The company has, erm, rented

us an insane apartment.

William, do not waste a

second of your dubious charms

on me and my husband.

This room is literally

filled with potential patrons.

So, if you need back-up,

Cara's circulating.

- Okay?

- Go. I'll be fine.

So what is it that you

do with yourself, Liv?

I'm a, I'm a journalist.

Well I was, back home, but em

Well, thanks to Will's visa I'm

Screwed.

God Bless America.

No, you're really, you're

a better woman than I am.

If I had to choose between

my husband and my job

No contest.

I actually think it's a positive.

No, I can, I can

finally spend my time doing what

I've spent a lifetime putting off

You know, write my novel, learn to bake.

Do yourself a favour, do not

chain yourself to the stove.

Or you may find yourself

knees-deep in cookie dough,

while your husband's balls

deep in some other woman.

Bonnie.

Well, I'm just, I'm tryna help

the kid. She's not offended.

You're not offended are

you, Liv slash Olivia?

Well, fortunately, I'm a terrible

baker and Will's a terrible flirt, so

We should be okay.

[WHISPERING]

William, Olivia. Good to see you.

Good to see you.

This, ah, this looks intense.

Bonnie's throwing a sh*t fit because

two of the cars have cancelled.

and so now she expects me to what, like,

pull them out of my assh*le or whatever.

And I'm like, "Yeah, no worries."

It's not like we're slap bang in

the middle of Tribeca or anything.

Well, Sol, you have it

under control, don't you?

- Doing our best.

- Good.

Good.

We, eh, will see you later.

- [SOL] Have a good night.

- This is a sackable offense.

It's fine.

["DANCE, DANCE, DANCE" BY LYKKE LI]

Having trouble telling how I feel ♪

But I can dance, dance, dance ♪

Couldn't possibly

tell you how I mean ♪

But I can dance, dance, dance ♪

So when I'm tripping

my feet Look at the b*at ♪

The words are written in the sand ♪

When I'm shaking my

hips Look for the swing ♪

The words are written in the air ♪

Oh, dance ♪

I was a dancer all along ♪

Dance, dance, dance ♪

Words could never make

up for what you do ♪

[PHONE RINGS]

Bloody thing.

Olive, can you see me

'cos I can't see you.

Mm-hmm. [GLASS BANGS ON COUNTER]

I can see you. Just be patient.

Oh, there you are.

Huh, you're very red.

In the cheeks.

Thank you, mother. I'm cooking.

Cranberry sauce.

Well that came in jars

last time I checked.

Well, I want it to be nice.

Our first Christmas in New York.

Our Will's roasting chestnuts, is he?

You know he's on a work trip.

Are you going to Val's tomorrow?

Mum, you can't be

alone on Christmas Day.

Why not? It's just a day like any other.

Got marginally better TV.

- I don't want you to be on your own.

- Well, you saw to that didn't you.

Look, next year,

we'll fly you over.

Have you with us.

You seen your father's sunning

himself in Australia of all places.

Her in a two-piece. A

two-piece after all those kids.

Course if he had anything

about him, he'd say something,

instead of letting her

shame herself like that.

Mum, I'm not interested.

What? You think I am? I can't

escape the bloody circus,

Him putting picture

after picture on Facebook.

How about you stop looking?

That's you all over, isn't

it? Out of sight, out of mind.

Anyway, I'm sure you're too

busy to talk to your mum, so

Happy Christmas and

all that. [CALL ENDS]

["THE MAN WITH THE BAG" BY KAY STARR]

Oh Mr. Kringle, is soon gonna jingle ♪

The bells that'll tinkle

all your troubles away ♪

Everybody's waitin'

for the man with the bag ♪

Cause Christmas is comin' again ♪

You missed me.

No, I didn't.

Not even a tiny, tiny bit?

Not even

So this place done up like

Hamley's on cr*ck, that's just

For me.

- For you.

- Yep.

You know how I love the holiday season.

Always makes me think of, em

You know, stony silences

and icy church pews.

[WILL LAUGHS]

Well, I missed you.

I need to freshen up first.

- I like you dirty.

- Oh, but there's dirty

and then there's eight

hours in a conference room

getting my sweat on trying to

sound like I know what I'm doing.

You do know what you're doing.

I'll be quick.

I promise.

[PHONE BUZZES]

Sol texted.

[SHOWER RUNS]

I hope they don't want

you to work tonight.

Or worse, tomorrow.

You can say no, right?

Christmas Day is not a day I'm

prepared to spend without you.

[WILL] Babe, I can't hear

you. I'll be out in a minute.

You really did miss me.

Sol texted.

Have you been reading my messages?

Very over-familiar, for Sol, but then

What do I know?

"I can't stop thinking

about you inside me."

Liv.

Liv, look. I, look, I can explain.

Liv, okay, look, there

There was this girl.

Woman. At the conference.

Who liked to flirt to get a rise.

This. This is just that.

I mean nothing happened.

I shouldn't have to tell you that.

And when did you become the kind

of person who goes through my phone?

- Are you seriously sticking with that?

- Well, I just think it's a bit low is all.

I mean, you know, we're

meant to trust each other.

Yeah. Yes we are.

Okay, look. We We

can reset the evening.

I know we can.

Okay, look, see?

Look, deleted.

It's gone. It's gone.

What's her name?

It it hardly matters.

But fine. Emily.

Emily.

Why was she in your phone as Sol?

No, if this was just harmless

texting, utterly one-way texting,

then why have her

under a different name?

I, eh

I don't know what's worse, you

f*cking some other woman.

Or believing that I am stupid

enough to believe your explanation.

- Liv, look, I can, I can

- Don't!

Don't you come near me.

Liv.

[BANGS DOWN GLASS]

You know, there's a funny

side of this in here somewhere.

You know, me stuck

inside these four walls.

Unable to work.

Keeping house like

some relic of the 50's.

While you? You're out with your

d*ck in some better version of me.

Liv, there's no better version of you.

There's

[WAVERING] You promised me.

You promised me you

wouldn't be like my father.

I'm not! I'm not. I'm

nothing, nothing like him.

Look, this, this was just

It was

f*ck, it was

It was one night.

One idiotic night.

That I wish had never happened.

Okay?

Thank you.

For being honest.

Now get out.

What? It's Christmas Eve.

Get the f*ck out!

Get out!

[KEYS JINGLE]

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

[ALARM BEEPS]

[RADIO JINGLE PLAYS]

[RADIO DJ] That's right New

York, it might not be snowing out,

but that doesn't mean we can't all

have ourselves a merry little Christmas.

So, grab your loved ones, maybe

throw an extra log on the fire,

and stick with us right here.

Your radio station

for the holiday season.

Enjoy the tunes.

[RADIO CRASHES, MUSIC STOPS]

Cheating son of a bitch.

Yeah.

What's your worst fear?

Straight white women?

Okay.

Falling into the places

I crawled myself out of.

You?

- Turning into my mum.

- Oh.

I didn't know that was an option.

Might need to change my answer.

She's been without my father

longer than she was with him.

But every single minute of

every day she's consumed by him.

What he's wearing.

Whether he is

dieting or ill or

"That woman's not feeding him properly."

Even down to when he'll retire.

Despite the fact that it is

It's nothing to do with her anymore.

To just be stuck.

Watching another woman live

the life you had, I'd

I'd rather be dead.

I don't wanna trash talk your mum but

Those are her choices.

Her decisions. I mean

The fact that you're

so sh*t scared of it,

means that you're

half-way to avoiding it.

Sorry. You didn't ask for this.

Okay, don't start being all British

apologising 3 times

in the same sentence.

Sorry.

Thank you. For indulging me.

I should, erm

Keep it.

On one condition.

No pity party.

[GLASS CLINKING]

It was quite hard to pinpoint the

exact moment I fell in love with Liv.

There's the first time I saw her.

At this hellish nightclub,

full to the brim with wankers.

Me being one of them.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]

And there she was. Just not being one.

Oh, do you hear that, love?

Not a w*nk*r.

T-huh. As compliments go

Erm, then there was the moment I

realized she like 90's Garage music.

In a non-ironic way.

But I knew I was done for

after a particularly

debauched house party at ours.

I woke up, and erm, I

had no Idea where I was.

And not only had Liv managed to

boot out the drunken stragglers,

she'd also gone and got me a Big

Mac and a McFlurry for afters.

I'm surprised you

know what McDonalds is.

And then two weeks ago.

Amongst the chaos of trying

to get this all organised.

When I told Liv that we

needed to relocate to New York,

leave everybody and everyone

we know behind for my work.

She did what she always does.

And she supported me.

["SACRILEGE" BY YEAH YEAH YEAHS]

[CRIES OUT]

Fallen for a guy ♪

Fell down from the sky ♪

Halo round his head ♪

Feathers in our bed ♪

In our bed, in our bed ♪

It's sacrilege, sacrilege,

sacrilege you say ♪

It's sacrilege, sacrilege,

sacrilege you say ♪

It's sacrilege, sacrilege,

sacrilege you say ♪

It's sacrilege, sacrilege,

sacrilege you say ♪

And I plead ♪

And I pray ♪

And I plead ♪

And I pray ♪

And I plead ♪

And I pray ♪

And I plead ♪

And I pray ♪

Sacrilege, sacrilege,

sacrilege you say ♪

Sacrilege, sacrilege,

sacrilege you say ♪

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

[DOOR HANDLE PULLING]

Liv.

Liv, it's me.

Liv, can you let me in, please?

Liv, I'd rather not do

this through the door.

The neighbours will hear.

What a lying sh*t you are?

Let them.

I deserved that.

If this is just another

apology letter, keep it.

Not that I haven't enjoyed

the highly original,

'I was drunk and she

came on to me' excuse.

Open it. Please.

[SIGHS]

So what's this then, a bribe?

A bribe?

Jesus, Livvy, come on. I'm

I haven't turned into a completely

different person overnight.

No, but you have.

That's the thing.

Look, it's the trip of a lifetime.

The one you've always wanted to make.

Arizona, white water

rafting, Vegas, the lot.

A trip that should've

been our honeymoon,

had I not been so fixated on work

and trying to prove to

my f*cking parents that

we were right to come here.

Look, you deserved better.

Deserve.

I can't think of anywhere else

I'd rather be with anyone else.

Apart from her.

No, Livvy.

You.

It's always, always you.

Liv, will you look at me? Please.

Livvy, please.

It was one, idiotic, mistake.

One I wish I

had never happened.

And something that will

never, ever happen again.

It's not worth torching

our marriage over.

Because

Because you're my person.

Liv.

So is it a yes?

You'll come?

[WHISPERS] Yes.

[BUG SQUISHES]

["FERRIS WHEEL" BY SYLVAN ESSO]

It's the summer got a lot to prove ♪

Can't wait to do it, can you? (No!) ♪

Oh, I'm swaying from side to side ♪

In the neon lights ♪

Sainted hero, underworld goth vibes ♪

You'll do fine for tonight ♪

You'll do fine, for tonight ♪

[MUSIC STOPS, DOORS OPEN]

You're very quiet.

Just hungry.

I mean, this place.

It'd be a cliché if I wasn't

standing in front of it.

In fact

- Ahh, no.

- Come on.

No, no, no.

See I much preferred it when

you were an Instagram denier.

Think how jealous your

colleagues are gonna be.

How do I tag you again?

- Erm.

- Hash-tag

Trip of a lifetime.

I say another two hours

forty then we're there.

And there being

Don't you want it to be a surprise?

Well, as long it doesn't

involve heights, I'm easy.

You know, you must be the

only person in the world

who still enjoys a paper map.

Nope. My mother.

She always thought it was very romantic.

It's not a word I'd traditionally

associate with your mother.

Actually.

I love her. You know I love her.

But she's She's so hard.

Yeah, well I guess the urge to

scatter rose petals leaves you

after you find out your husband's

been cheating on you for years.

Oh, I didn't Sorry,

I didn't mean to

Ancient history.

[WILL MOANS IN PLEASURE]

[WILL] I'm going to come.

[BOTH MOAN IN PLEASURE]

[CARA] Will you leave her?

Yes.

[DOOR OPENS]

You're gonna need a bigger vase.

Brody, from Jaws.

So I got you all of your favourites.

Even that weird, gloopy

chicken thing you like.

And

This.

An infinity necklace.

Oh, f*ck. You hate it, don't you?

It's just it's too much.

Nope. There's no such thing.

Here, let me put it on you.

[KISSING] It's perfect.

Now come on, let's eat. Before

everything's totally congealed.

Unless, am I Am I

interrupting something?

It'll keep.

[LIV NARRATING] Turns out

the whole forgiveness schtick,

being the better person,

trying to ignore the fact

he was going to leave me

whenever the f*ck he fancied it.

Well

kind of stuck in the craw.

No, there was another way.

A clean way.

A way that freed me from a life

of watching him move on without me.

What part of "so long as it doesn't

involve heights" was unclear?

You can't not do something just

because you're scared of it.

I I can see perfectly well from here.

We trust each other. Right?

Right, yeah.

[HEAVY BREATHING]

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS]

[OMINOUS MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

[WOMAN'S VOICE] Any

chance for some help?

Are you okay?

Honest to God, I could have done

without running around in this heat

trying to flag down truckers,

all of them pretending they don't see me

or the broke down piece of trash rental

Of course, if I were 20 years younger.

I'll take your bag.

How long have you been out there?

[LIV NARRATING] You've got to admit

It was the perfect

place for an accident.

The dream holiday cut short.

Body flown home.

Grieving widow.

It was just the 'how' of it.

A rock smashed into his skull.

[SQUISHING SOUND] Quick, but

messy.

A reminder of exactly where

we come in the food chain.

Not so quick, and still

messy.

A momentary lapse of concentration

the endless, endless highway.

Sure, quick, but

probably for both of us.

And so very messy.

No, it needed to be

something utterly mundane.

That in real life would be nothing.

But out in the wilderness would be

the difference between surviving

Or not.

Are you excited?

Here you go.

- Thank you.

- Let's head on down to the river.

[GUIDE] Everybody know your positions?

- [GUIDE] Everybody read to go rafting?

- [IN UNISON] Yeah!

[GUIDE] Okay, let's load

the boat from back to front.

Good to go.

Let me just push it out

a bit before you climb in.

Alright, everybody in?

Get yourself set up.

Everybody ready?

[WILL] Ready!

[GUIDE] Okay.

Alright, let's go back-paddle, please.

And let's go forward-paddle, please

[WILL] Yep!

[GUIDE] And we're off!

[WILL] Wooo!

[GUIDE] A little bit harder.

Little bit harder.

Good job everybody.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

Nice strong left!

[CRASHING WAVES]

[GUIDE] Little harder!

[HEAVY GASPING]

[CRASHING WAVES]

Woo!

Ah!

Liv! Liv! Help!

[CRIES]

To surviving. [GLASSES CLINK]

You're so dramatic.

[CLEARS THROAT]

What?

No, it's just nice.

Nice and normal. That's all.

Well, nice and normal I will take.

The decor is very

Lord of the Flies here.

If you had a choice, would

you rather be stuffed or eaten?

Oh, stuffed. Yeah, for sure.

I quite like the idea of my head

on the wall for all eternity.

That's because you're a narcissist.

[WILL LAUGHS]

Okay. Promise that you won't go off me.

But when I was seven, I kept

a dead sparrow in the freezer,

and I might have had

dreams of stuffing it.

At seven?

Isn't that a bit We

Need to Talk About Kevin?

I'll have you know, I was actually

very, very concerned for poor Henry.

I spent a great deal of time

sat in the cellar talking to him.

Let my mum in on it

eventually and then

We came up with these

intricate, quite mad stories

about the life he'd led.

[CLEARS THROAT] One for the

therapists chair right there.

f*ck off.

[LAUGHING] And then what, the

two of you had him stuffed?

I got shipped off to

boarding school, didn't I?

Before I had the chance.

I completely forgot about him actually.

What with my overwhelming misery.

Until, one day

erm, a package arrived.

Thought it might be from my

mother. You know, I thought, er

I don't know, maybe

socks, or fudge, or

Maybe just even a note

explaining what I'd done wrong.

Why I'd been sent away without warning.

And it was Henry.

Just thawing out.

Along with a psalm my father had found.

Saying

Don't d*ck about with

a creature's burial.

Words to that effect.

Pfffew. That's horrible.

That's my father.

And as he would say, "That's life."

Full of unexpected kicks in the teeth.

Anyway, erm

[CLEARS THROAT]

Are you trying to get me drunk?

What if I am?

[LIV NARRATING] You asked for my story.

I didn't say it would

all make sense, because

Love is the one thing that doesn't.

So I give you this.

A happily ever after.

[PHONE RINGS]

It goes to show that

forgiveness is possible.

You can trust the world

is ready for the real you.

True love really does win out.

[WILL] I'll get rid

Yes?

I'll be right down.

Sorry, it's work.

Some

f*cking crisis.

Give me

Give me literally five minutes, okay?

[WILL] You cannot ring the room

like that, she could have answered.

No it doesn't mean

Of course I miss you.

That goes without saying.

No, I haven't been ignoring you, Cara.

I've just

I've been with her the whole time.

No, I haven't had a moment to myself.

But that, that doesn't mean

I'm not thinking about you.

Wishing you were here.

[WILL] Sorry.

[LIV] All okay?

Yep. Yep, just erm

Just Bonnie getting herself

into a state over nothing.

Doesn't sound like her.

Well, believe me. She

is more than capable.

Now.

Where were we?

[LIV NARRATING] Come on.

You're too easy.

Like anyone really wants to hear

things turned out just peachy.

We're voyeurs.

We want the blood and

the dead girls on slabs,

and a look inside the mind

of the sick f*ck who did it.

I guess in this case,

that sick f*ck is me.

["THE LASTY" BY SANTIGOLD]