01x02 - A Dam Too Far/Long in the Teeth

[bunniefuu]

♪ A-a-a-angry beavers ♪

♪ Beavers. ♪

Man:
at ease, you two men...
Uh, beaver... Thingies...

This is ground zero.

These two rivers: the big happy
and the little meanie

Have been unstoppable,
especially the meanie.

Any nice campsites?

Nothing fancy,
just something
with a view.

( Grumbles )
pay attention!

Flooding from
these rivers

Threatens the environment
and its inhabitants.

The corps wants
you two beavers

To get down there

And do what
beavers do best.

We know that when beavers
hear running water

Their natural instinct
is to dam it up.

Private norbert,
you get the big happy

Private daggett, your assignment
is the little meanie.

But sir, I wanted the big happy,
sir!

That's commendable, soldier,
but a little stupid.

You understand?

♪ Daggie is a kiss-up. ♪

( Grunts )

For mom, baseball

And little cocktail wienies

Build dams and stop
those flooding rivers.

Yes, sir!

Sure, whatever.

( Both yelling )

( Crying ):
what about me...?!

Daggett! Daggie, the ripcord!

Pull the ripcord!

Right, yeah, forgot!

( Grunting )

This is nuts!

( Various animals screaming )

Ooh! Ouch!

Et cetera!

Hey, big daggie!
You okay?

Life was always so peaceful
on golden pond.

Where's
mr. Patriotic?

Where's mr. Gung-ho
dam-builder?

Where's mr. Star-
spangled spunk?

Mr. Star-spangled
spunk is here!

( Yells )

In the wrong hands

Spunk can be
a dangerous thing.

Norbert:
once we complete the dams

This will be like
a paid vacation

In the northwaste.

Right, daggsky?

A piece of art.

Never met a river
I couldn't dam.

What about
that time...

Sun was in my eyes.

Don't worry, brother.

I'll dam the meanie
in a flash

And help you.

Toodles.

( Grunting ):
push... Strain...
Uh... Ah... Oh...!

( Grunting, cursing )

( Whimpers )

( Whimpers )

Yes!

( Laughs maniacally )

You're mine, little meanie!

I can feel the top brass
pinning a medal

On my pelt right now! Ooh!

What? Sorry, dag,
I wasn't listening.

Too busy damming up
the old big happy.

Yeah, never mind.

There, finished!

What do you mean,
"there, finished!"

Like I said...

The big happy
was the big easy.

Now I can kick back
and vacate.

But...

Taste the local
bark cuisine

And click off
a few snapshots.

Heh?

Unless you need some help?

Heh?, Nope, no...
No, no, no, no.

Got it all
under control.

I really roped you.

Right back at you.

Huh?

There, that does it!

Heh?

Heh?

( Grumbling )
norbert!

I'm onto your little
practical joke, fuzzy boy.

Stop kidding around, will you?

Norbert!

"Gone to buy
little cocktail wieners.

Be back soon."

( Grunts )

Well, if norbert didn't
move the logs

Then who did?

Heh.

( Yells )

Hey, daggie-o, I'm back.

How about a juicy little
cocktail wienie?

Wienie...

Wienie...

Yes, no?

That river is crazy!

You mean you're
not finished yet?

( Hysterical ):
finished?!

It won't let me!

That little meanie
is being a meanie!

Dag, I'm surprised at you.

A big manly hairy-chested
beaver like you

Unable to dam up a
teeny meanie like that?

( Grunts )

If the commander
could see you now.

All right, you stupid river!

Make way for daggett!

The beaver king of dams!

( Moaning )

( Chain saw cutting )

( Yells ):
oh!

( Grumbles )

( Car horns honking )

( Mutters ):
I hate you.

( Grunts )

Hey, where'd
the little meanie go?

( Yells )

This is odd.

I take that back!

This is very odd!

( Screaming )

( Yells )

( Whimpering ):
is the hurting over?

Tv announcer:
welcome to "strange rivers that
are almost interesting."

I'm luke gherkin.

Behind me is the wimpy river

One of nature's
strangest rivers.

Not as strange as your name.

The wimpy river is strange

Because it flows up to this
cliff and turns away.

At first glance, one thinks
the river avoids the ledge.

If rivers talked,
this one might say:

"I'm not going over that cliff,
it's much too high."

That's almost interesting.

( Daggett screaming )

Daggett, what is
wrong with you?

Me! Me?!

It's not me!

It's that
stupid river!

It's alive!

The river is nothing
but water!

H2-0, fish fluid.

Yeah, well, it's the meanest
fish fluid I've ever met!

Just because you
can't finish a dam

You blame it
on the river!

I'd stand back

If I were you.

For what,
the big bad river?

( Howling )

Boo-boo on you,
mr. Water monster.

You're a meanie-wienie!

Bad water,
bad water!

I spank you.

Now you be good

So daggett can
dam you up!

Norb, I mean it.

The river's not going
to like this.

Oh, so you don't like being
pushed around, huh?

Maybe you don't like this!

And this, you stupid river!

There! Boy, that river
was terrifying!

A river is a river
is a river.

Nothing more.

Norbie, my dear brother.

Yes, mon frere?

( Yelps )

( Yelps )

( Roaring water )

Let's see...

What's that word
I'm thinking of?

Run?

That's it.

Both:
run!

( Panting, gasping )

Hey, I got an idea!

I saw this
on a tv show

That was... Almost
interesting.

Wha, wha, what?

The best way
to scare

A little meanie
is with a big cliff.

Boy, this ledge
sure is high.

We're way up here.

Y-y-y-yeah!

Yeah, right!
It is.

Careful you don't
get a nosebleed.

Nothing could
survive a fall

From way up here.

Ooh, brother!

If you fell
down there

You'd go kersplat

Just like...

Water! Water!

Whew, that
was close!

A river with a fear of heights.

That's almost interesting.

Tv announcer:
and here's the almost
interesting news.

Throngs of happy onlookers
joined army corps officials

Today in thanking two
of the country's finest citizens

Norbert and daggett,
the bravest of beavers.

Because of their
unflagging heroism

The country's northwaste--
excuse me, northwest

Was saved from
devastating floods.

Yeah, you see that?

You see that, norbert?

We saved the country.

Mm-hmm.

( Knocking on door )

If I hadn't got rid
of that pesky little river

We'd still be out there.

Mm-hmm.

Hello...

( Gasping )

Can I have this last little
cocktail wienie?

( Daggett gasping )

Please, phone in
your pledge

To the hopeless cause
telethon now.

Remember, just because
it's a hopeless cause

Doesn't mean

We can't hope

You'll phone in
a pledge.

( Yawns )

Norbie, did you leave
the tv on last night?

What are you doing?!

Watching the telethon, dag.

Got a couple of bucks?

No, forget about that.

Look at your teeth!

Interesting.

Guess I forgot to chew.

You "forgot" to chew?

Mm-hmm.

Did you also forget
what will happen?

This is hopeless.

( Cheesy music playing )

Narrator:
why we chew!

Beavers are rodents,
like rabbits...

Squirrels...

And the giant sewer rats
of paris

You see in carnival side shows.

Actually, those
are capybara

A large aquatic rodent
from the amazon.

Carnies tend to exaggerate.

Shh!

Like all rodents

A beaver's teeth
are constantly growing.

If they don't chew, their teeth
can lock up their jaws

Or go through their brains.

( Thud )

So chew, chew, chew every day!

It's the american beaver way.

Very informative.

Now, if you'll excuse me

I've been on the couch
all weekend

And I'm feeling a little funky.

I'm going to take a swim.

Hmm. Well, fortunately
for you, norbert

I have my trusty belt-sander

With extra-long
waterproof power cord.

( Motor comes on )

( Muffled whirring... )

( Whirring becomes louder )

( Sander buzzing )

( Bubbling )

( Bubbling )

( Catching breath )

You're making a large
mistake, brother.

If you don't
start chewing

You'll be
in big trouble.

Ooh, I'm so scared.

Free tooth inspection?

( German accent ):
that is correct!

Ach, du lieber!

Just as I thought.

They are over the legal limits
set by the tartar control...

( Hocking )

...regulations.

Fortunately,
we can take care of that.

( Motor whirring )

This super-dental laser
can cut through any tooth.

You may feel a slight bu...

( Hocking )

...burning sensation.

( Thud )

( Moans )

I give up.

If you want to let
your teeth grow

I can't stop you.

Dag! I was just having
a little fun with you.

If it means that much to you

I'll go find a big tree
right now

And wear these choppers down.

Super!

Let's go.

Hey, guys.

Check out
the norb man's teeth.

Norb, you are the coolest.

Phew!

Yeah, uh, you are,
like, totally dental.

You are.

Man, I used to think I was cool.

Let's spread
the word, huh?

There's a new
boss rodent

And his name is norb.

( Snapping fingers )

( Snorting )

Can you believe those guys?

What a bunch of weirdoes.

Let's go bite a tree.

You go ahead, daggy-o.

Hah?

I got to flip some jive

And lay down a vibe
with some hep rats.

Eh? What are you talking about?

Man, you are so square

You must be from
squaresville, man.

But you said you were going

To take care of your teeth!

( Munching )

( Chuckling to self )

Fine. Don't chew.

Just don't come crying to me

When your teeth are growing out
of your nose... Man.

( Jackhammer-like rattling )

Squirrel:
hey, norbie,
check out my teeth.

What do you think?

( Snapping fingers )

( All snapping fingers )

Your teeth look
so dangerous.

Can I touch them?

Knock yourself out,
dollface.

Ooh, norbie!

You're so cool

You're giving me chills.

( Giggles giddily )

If he can be mr. Cool...

( Spits out )

...so can i.

Hmm!

"Quick grow plant food."

Pour on and stand back.

( Gurgling )

( Whinnying )

( Gurgling )

( Crickets chirping )

( Birds singing )

( Crows like rooster )

Well, looky here!

I thought growing your teeth
is so dangerous.

You're not the only
boss, groovy

Righteous dude
around here, man.

You're just
a little copy beaver.

Am not.

Are too.

Am not.

Are too.

Are too! Am not.

( Shrieks )

These ought to do the trick.

Am not.

Are too.

Norbert, daggett.

Excellent dentage.

Slap me cinco
digitos, my man.

Slap me, uh...

( Stuttering )

Clinko... Thingos--

Whatever-- too...!

My man.

( Whoosh )

Am not.

Copy beaver.

Am not.

Are too.

Oh, wow!

Nice teeth.
A couple of big ones.

Squirrel:
oh, boy,
those are huge!

( Moaning... )

Oof!

Copy beaver!

Am not.

Are too.

( Slurred ):
hey, norbie

Check it out!

Ooh!

Help!

Norb, come quick!

I got troubles
of my own!

( Shrieking )

Not that quick!

( Loud rumbling )

( Loud thuds )

( Whimpering )

( High-pitched screaming )

( Still slurred ):
hey, norbie, where are you?

( Daggett shrieks )

Daggett:
it's your fault!

Growing teeth long
was your idea.

Norbert:
like I made you do it,
little cry beaver.

( Daggett shrieks )

( Muffled yelping )

( Gasps for air )

( Gasps for air )

Ooh!

( Squeaky creaking )

Daggett:
this is nuts!

( Laughing )

Check it out, huh?

They still got
their teeth long.

( Rattling )

Man, you are so out of it.

Yeah. ( Laughing )

Yeah, mom said never swallow
anything bigger than a rat

But, uh... ( Belches )

What does she know?

You're the wildest.

Tomorrow I'm going
to unhinge my jaw

And swallow an elk!

( Laughing )

Daggett ( dejected ):
they laughed at us.

We don't need them.

We don't need anyone.

Daggett:
actually...

We kind of do.

Norbert:
hey.

Daggett:
help.

Hey, guys.

Yo, my brothers, come on.

Daggett:
come back.

We'll give you a dollar.

Hey-o?

( Weakly ):
norb?

What?

I guess mom and dad
told us that stuff

About our teeth
for our own good. Huh?

( Sighs )

Leave me alone.

( Crickets chirping )

Daggett ( weakly ):
help...

Anybody.

Help.

Other animals:
shut up.

Shut up!

Daggett:
okay.

( Bear crows )

Morning, norb.

Morning, daggett.

Norb, what's wrong
with that bear?

I have no idea.