02x02 - Clowning Around

[bunniefuu]

Oh, here it goes.

♪ Everybody out there
go run and tell ♪

♪ Your homeboys
and homegirls ♪

♪ It's time for
kenan and kel ♪

♪ They'll keep you laughing
in the afternoon ♪

♪ So don't touch that dial,
don't leave the room ♪

♪ Because they're always
into some more fun ♪

♪ And you don't
want to miss it ♪

♪ It's double k
like do the good way ♪

♪ Kenan and kel, or should
I say kel and kenan? ♪

♪ Then you gotta
watch kenan ♪

♪ 'Cause kenan be scheming
with a plan or a plot ♪

♪ To make it to the top

♪ But they're kinda
in the middle ♪

♪ Because they're all
the same call ♪

♪ This ain't the hardy boys
or nancy drew mystery ♪

♪ It's just kenan and kel
in your vicinity ♪

♪ Like siegfried and roy
or abbott and costello ♪

♪ Magic and kareem
or penn and teller ♪

♪ Somebody's in trouble?
Oh, here go ♪

♪ On nick nick nick nick
nick nick nick nick ♪♪

Quiet! Shh!

Now today is kenan's birthday.

[Cheering]

Shh!

All right. When kenan comes out,

I want everybody to jump up

And say surprise! You got it?

Yes!

Kenan!

Kenan!

Come on out.

Surprise!

Aah!

[Applause]

Happy birthday,
buddy!

I'll be right back.

Oh!

Uh-oh. Oops-y-daisy.

Kel!

Have you lost
your mind?

Well...

What is all this?

Well, it's
your birthday. Duh!

Duh! It's not
my birthday,
huckleberry.

You and the studio
audience nearly
scared me half to death.

We were just trying--

And what is
with this cake?

"Happy bar mitzvah,
benjamin"?

Who is benjamin?

I don't know.
The bar mitzvah boy?

Man! You got
the wrong day
and the wrong cake.

It's the thought
that counts.

You sure
don't want to know
what I'm thinking.

Ok, well, I'll just
get rid of the cake.

Wait a minute, now.

Since it's here,
I might as well
make a wish.

All right.

[Applause and cheering]

Hey! What...

What did you
wish for?

Oh, something...

Adventurous.

Ha ha!

Adventurous?
Tell me!

Come on,
puddin' pop.

This way to comedy!

Whew!

Kenan! Kenan!

What did you wish for?

And, kenan, why did you
call me puddin' pop?

Ah, here it goes!

[Applause]

Kenan: yo, chris!

Yo yourself.
You're late.
How come you're late?

Because I'm
not on time?

Spare me the sassing.

Sassing?

I'll be back
in hours.

Where are you going?

I've got to take mother
to the clinic.

She has
a : foot scraping.

Foot scraping?

Doctor takes a power tool
and scrapes the crustiness

Off the bottom
of her nasty feet.

Audience: eww!

That's quite possibly

The most
disgusting thing
I've ever heard.

Yeah, well,
while I'm gone, you are
in charge of the store,

And, kenan, I expect you
to behave responsibly.

You know
you can trust me
to be responsibly.

Get it? Responsibly.

Yes. Well, you better be,
or there will be heck to pay.

Oh! Well, I sure
don't want to pay
any heck.

Stop the mocking.
I'll see you
in a little while.

All right.
Later, chris.
Happy scraping.

Happy scraping?
What's that mean?

He's taking his mama
to get the crust
scraped off her feet.

Ooh. Cool.

Hey, hey, hey!
Stop eating those.

Why?

Because I just
finished promising chris
that I'd be responsible.

So?

So no more free chips.

Man, what did you
do that for?

Because being
responsible means we
behave like adults.

Now, who wants
to behave like adults?

We should.
We're not little
kids anymore.

We're teenagers.
It's time
we grew up.

I guess you're right.

[Gasp]

Both: clown!

Oh!

A clown! A clown!
A clown! A clown!

A clown! A clown!
A clown! A clown!

Balloons!

Ooh! I bet he can
make balloon animals.

He can!

Ooh! Make me a dog.
Come on.

♪ Makin' a dog,
hey! ♪

♪ Makin' a dog

♪ Ain't nothin' wrong
with makin' a dog ♪

♪ Shake it, clown

♪ Do it to the left,
do it to the right ♪

♪ Do it
to the left ♪

Whoo!

He's magnificent!

Ok! Ok!
My turn. Uh...

Make me a...
Make me a...

A snake!

Snake?

Yeah.

Ooh! He's a genius!

[Clown starts
to sneeze]

He's going to sneeze.

[Ah-ch-ch-ch...]

[Ah...]

[Ahchoo]

Oh, my gracious!

Uh, do you want
a hankie?

Oh!

Well, that hankie
seems endless.

How does he
do it?

[Blows]

All right.

[Sniff]

Hey, come on.
Take it easy, greasy.

[Honk]

Oh, you honked,
and you want me
to sit on the floor?

Oh! He wants me
to sit on the floor.

I hope he wants
me to sit down
with you.

Oh, yeah, he does!

Whoo whoo!

All right.

Ow!

Oh!

Ha ha!

Eww!

This hankie feels
all wet!

That's clown mucus.

Clown mucus!

Hey!

Oh! I'll bet you he's
going to do a trick
with the money.

He's probably going
to make it disappear.

Kenan: whoo!

Kel: what's he doing now?

Well, he's...

Ha ha! Look, kenan!

He's running away!

And with
all the money, yep!

And we're still
tied up.

He...he's never
coming back, is he?

Uh...

No.

Both: we...

We...

We...

We've been robbed
by a clown!

Ok, can you
describe the robber?

Yeah, yeah.

He had
big baggy pants,

Rainbow hair,

Big honking bow tie...

And big old
floppy shoes.

And white face...

Round red nose...

Like this?

That's him!

Now, wait a minute.
Can you give us
anything else

That might help us
identify this clown?

Um...

The sneeze!

Sneeze?

Yeah. He had a real
unusual sneeze.

It was like--
[ah-ah...ahchoo]

No, no, kel. Actually,
it was more like this.

[Eeh-eeh...ahchoo]

No, no! It was
more like this.

I get the picture!

Kenan, sorry
it took me so long.
What's going on here?

Aah!

What is this?
Tell me!

Who are you?

I'm the owner
of this joint.

Yeah, well,
uh, you just been
robbed by a clown.

Robbed?!

By a clown.

He came in,
tied us up, and...

And took
all your money.

Oh!

See?

Oh!

Hey, uh, what's
the stuff in the bag?

Oh, these
are my mother's
foot scrapings.

And then the clown
took all our money

And just
ran out the door.

Unbelievable.

I mean, if you
can't trust a clown,
who can you trust?

Well, kenan,
the important
thing is

That you're
all right, son.

You know,
I'm all right, too.

Yeah, great.

Hey, kel,
what's this, man?

Oh, it's
chris' mother's
foot scrapings.

Oh, man!

You brought that nasty
foot crust dust
into my house?

Foot crust dust?

Oh, yeah.
Isn't it cool?

No!no!

Mother:
hi, everyone.

Kyra:
we're back.

Where have
you-all been?

We've been out buying
all kinds of stuff for
kyra's birthday party.

Look, daddy.
Party poppers.

Oh! My ear!

Now, kyra, don't
set off expl*sives
in your dad's ear.

You ok, honey?

Huh?

So when's kyra's
birthday party?

Saturday.

You better give me
a good present.

All right. Well,
what do you want?

Oh!

I'm a boy,
not a birthday gift!

Did somebody
say something?

Huh?

Hello?

Uh-oh.

What?

I forgot
to get shrimp.

Shrimp?

-Year-olds
do not have shrimp
at their birthday parties.

But megan
loves shrimp.

Hello?!

Who is megan?

She's only the most
popular girl in school.

So?

So?

If she doesn't have fun
at my birthday party,

My social life is over.

Oh, boys!

Would you mind
running over
to the store

And buying
some shrimp?

Chimp?
Who bought a chimp?

Sure, ma, we'll
go get some shrimp.

Will somebody
answer the phone?

Pop, that ringing's
in your head.

I don't want
to go to bed.

Hello?!

Hello?

The door must be
stuck or something.

I'll get it.

Kel, why are you
backing up?

What you doing?!

[Alarm sounding]

Chris: aah! Get off of me!

Get off of me!
Get off of me!

Kenan: get up!

Oh! Ah!

[Alarm stops]

What's the matter
with you?

Huh?

We thought the door
was stuck.

Stuck, my patootie!

I had it safety latched!

What?

Oh!

You be busted
my latch!

Well, why did you have
the door be latched

In the middle of the day
in the first place?

It's part of
my new security system.
I will not be robbed again.

That one little latch
is going to keep rigby's
from being robbed?

Yeah, right.

It's not just a latch.
I also installed an alarm,

A video
surveillance camera...

And I'm training
an att*ck dog.

You got
an att*ck dog?

I certainly did.
His name is bloodbath.

He's in the back.

A dog!
I want to see him!

Kenan: kel!

You don't want to--
it's feeding time!

Kel: aw!

Yeah, sweet bloodbath.

Aw!

Who's the cutie?
[Tck-tck-tck]

Ah, aren't you
a cutie? Aw, yeah.

Who's the cutie?
You are!

Yeah. That's some
att*ck dog you got
there, chris.

He's not supposed
to be friendly.

Bad dog! Bad dog!

[Barking]

Aah!

[Gasp]

Uh-oh. Kel
fainted again.

Don't worry. I'll give him
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Uh-uh-uh!

No! That's all right.

I can
resuscitate myself,
thank you very much.

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

Hello?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just a minute. Just a minute.

Mama!

Mother: got it!

All right, kyra.
You have fun
at your birthday party.

Come on, kel.

Wait. Where are
you two going?

Far away from here.

But it's my
birthday party.

That's why
we're leaving.

Kenan!

We're too old
to be hanging around

A bunch of hyperactive
-year-olds.

Bye-bye.

Mother: hurry, roger!

Roger: I'm coming!

Kenan: what's going on?

Oh, kenan,
your aunt gertie's
been arrested!

Arrested?
Aunt gertie?

Yeah. She got
into a fistfight over
at the bowling alley.

Mm-hmm. And we've got
to go down to the jail
and bail her out.

Sorry, sweetie.

Now, kenan,
stay here with kel
until we get back.

Here? At the party?

But, mother--

No "but, mothers."
We have to leave,

And kyra can't have
an unsupervised party.

Yes, I can.

Both: no, you can't.

Now, kenan,
you're in charge.
Kel, you help him.

Yay!

Oh!

Kenan: can't we discuss this,
fatherly figure?

Roger: uh-uh.

Life-giver? Oh!

Now we got to baby-sit
a bunch of hyperactive
-year-olds.

Oh, how bad could it be?

Oh, wait a minute it!
Quit it! Help!

Help, please!

Let me go!

[Kids screaming]

Kenan: you brats!

[Doorbell rings]

I'll get it!

Hi, megan.

Hi, kayla.

My name is kyra.

Whatever.

Come on in.
It's a great party.

I'll be the judge
of that.

Who is he?

Oh.

That's kel. He's--

Excuse me.

Hello!

Hey! W-what's up?

You are so cute.

Ha ha!

Well, I had years
of cute school.

Hey, megan,
look what I got you.

Shrimp-- pounds.

No, thanks.

I'd rather have
pounds of kel.

What, girl?

Hey, this table
is not for dancing.

Get down.

Oh, you gonna flick
the thing at me?

Huh? You gonna
flick the thing at me?

Kenan, help me!

Help me get these old
giggly children

Off my mama's table!

[Doorbell rings]

[Honks horn]

[Kids cheering]

It's...

It's...

The clown!

That's him!
That's the clown
that robbed rigby's!

Come on!
Call the police!
Call the police!

Wait! Hang on there,
snot pants!

Now, we ain't gonna
do nothin' until we know

That that's the clown
that robbed us.

But he had the hair,
the clown shoes,
and the...

Round red nose.

So do lots of clowns
in the world.
Now, listen. Uh-uh, man.

We can't go
accusing that clown
until we're sure it's him.

Ok, well,
how can we be sure?

Follow me.

Wait!

What if it is
the evil clown?

Won't he
recognize us?

So? Even if
he does recognize us,
what's he going to do?

Something evil
and clowny!

Oh!

I'll protect you.
Come on.

Kids: yay!

I want to
see you juggle.

I want to see
some magic.

I want to see
some balloon animals.

Yeah, yeah.
Balloon animals.

Kids: yeah!

Make a dog.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Kids: cool!

Wow!

Kids: yay!

Give me that.

[Sobbing]

It's the same.

Shh!

Pardon us.
We'll be back.

Y'all have a good time.
Sorry about the balloon.

I need to borrow it
for a second.

It's him! It's him!

We still can't be sure.

He made
a balloon puppy!

Yeah, but so do
lots of clowns.
It's not enough.

There's got to be
some way we can be sure.

I got it.

What?

The sneeze.

Yeah, he had
that weird sneeze.

Yeah, like this--
[ah-ah...ahchoo]

Thank you for
the demonstration.

Now what?

Now all we got to do is
get that clown to sneeze,
and then we'll know.

Well, how do we make
a clown sneeze?

[Softly]
I got it.

Pepper.

Yeah.

Put out your hand.

Ok.

Ah! We're
out of pepper.

Well, now how we going
to make that clown sneeze?

Hey!

What?

Oh!

Not chris' mother's
foot dust.

Yeah.
Put out your hand.

Whoo!

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Audience: eww!

Do you like
the shrimp?

I've had better.

Oh. Do you like
my party?

Eh.

Do you want to go
check out the clown?

I'd rather check out kel.
Where is that cutie?

Um...

Megan, see, listen.

I've just always
kind of had
a crush on kel,

And I was just
hoping that
maybe you and I

Could see
eye to eye--

Kyra.

Why would kel like you
when he could have me?

P-lease!

[Audience groans]

I'm nervous!

Shh! Don't you
be nervous.

Just ease up
to the clown, and
when he's not looking,

Throw the foot dust
in his face.

All right, ok.

[Whistling]

[Kids sneezing]

Nice going.

Well, I've never
thrown foot dust
at a clown before.

Obviously.

What you doing?

Let me show you
how it's done.

Come on,
big daddy!

Ok, children.

Let's sing for she's
a jolly good fellow
for kyra, huh?

Kids: ♪ for she's
a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For she's a jolly
good fellow ♪

♪ For she's
a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ Which nobody
can deny ♪

[Ah...ah...]

[Ah...ah...]

[Ch-ch-ch...]

[Ah...]

[Choo]

Kids: eww! Gross!

It's him!

It's him!

It's him!

It's him!

The phone!

The phone!

The phone!

Hurry up!
Hurry up!

Kel, wait! What's
the number to ?

I forgot!

Ah!

I'll call the operator.

Hello, operator.
Yeah, give me the police.

Hello, police? Yeah.

We got a bad clown
in our living room.

No, this ain't no joke!

Hurry! Ok!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Now we just got
to wait on the cops.

Kids: bye, mr. Clown!

Bye!

Man!

What?

The clown's
getting ready to leave.

Now what are we
going to do?

We got to stop him.

Bye.

Kel, what are you--
a coward?

Yep!

No. This is what
we're going to do...

Kids: bye, mr. Clown!

Going somewhere...

Clown?

You'll never make
the circus, paleface!

Clown: what are you doing?!
Get off me! You're crazy!

Clown: I'm outta here!

Kenan: no, you ain't!

Oh!

It looks like fun!
Come on!

What the--

My goodness!

Mama, look,
we caught the evil clown
that robbed rigby's.

No, you didn't.
That's not the clown
that robbed rigby's.

This is.

We caught him
robbing
the snacky mart,

So we brought him
over so you two
could identify him.

That's him!

Jerks!

Well, if...

If that's the clown
that robbed rigby's,

Then who...

Kel: who...

Uh-oh.

Let me help you up.

Let me
fix your tie.

Sorry about that.

Let me help you.

Let me fix
your...hair.

I didn't mean to...

I'm calling my lawyer!

Would somebody
mind telling me
what's going on?

I can. Um, outside?

Well, kyra,
I can honestly say

This is the worst party
I've ever been to.

The only good thing
about it is I found kel.

Kel, would you like
to walk me home?

Uh--

Uh, megan.
Before you leave,

How about having
a little punch?

You loser!

Kel, did you see
what that brat
did to me?

Hey, hey, hey.

Don't you talk that way
about my...

Girlfriend.

Happy birthday, baby.

Oh, kel!

Whatever.

Kenan: yeah,
why don't you just
"whatever" your way

Right on out
the door?

Grab your jacket,
out the door.

This is the--

Kids: yay!

Kyra, would you let me go?
It's all over now.

It's all over now.
Can you let me go?

All right, call the police.
Call the police.

Boy: dog pile!

Kenan: no, children!

Don't dog pile
on top of him.

Get off him!

[Kids yelling]

Whoo-whee!

Thank you!

Did you enjoy
the kenan & kelshow?

[Audience cheers]

Oh! All right, then.
Cool.

See you next time.
Bye-bye.

Wait, wait, wait.

Hold on! Wait!
Stop! Stop!

Stop the credits!
Stop the credits!

What's the matter?

That's it? You're
just going to end
the show like that?

Yeah. Why?

I mean, usually,
you come out

And have
some crazy idea for
some whacky scheme.

Then I protest
vigorously,

And then
you walk off.
Then I say,

"Ah, here it goes."
Remember that?

Yeah, but I thought
that this time
I'd give you a break

And end the show
all calm and
peaceful like.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh.

T-that's nice,
kenan.

Thanks, man.

[Audience sighs]

Wait.

No! No!

I do have an idea.

Oh, stop that!

Hey, can you swim?

Yeah, but--

Well, then go get
pounds of egg salad

And meet me
at the grand canyon.

♪ Ooh

Yes!

Kenan! Kenan!

Where am I going to find
pounds of egg salad?

K-kenan! That's unusual!

Kenan!

Ah, here it goes!

Why?!